


Angel Blue

by bluegrasskitty



Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Agender Author, Agender Character, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety Disorder, Bullying, But I swear it's going to be worth it, Childhood Trauma, Demisexuality, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Extremely Slow Burn, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Good Karma Lone Wanderer (Fallout), Nonbinary Character, Other, Pining, Secret Crush, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Teenage Rebellion, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, autistic lone wanderer, happy ending guarantee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:29:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 219,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegrasskitty/pseuds/bluegrasskitty
Summary: Butch DeLoria has been in love with Abby Lane since diapers. He spent his entire childhood fighting the feelings she inspired in him and by the time he recognized them for what they were, it was too late. The ice queen of Vault 101 not only didn't want anything to do with him, she didn't want anything to do with romance. Ever.Abby thought being forced into the wastes was a death sentence and it almost was. But two years out, she'd had a chance to spread her wings in a world where she's free, for the first time in her life, to exist exactly as she is. Life in the vault was simple, predictable and binary. Life outside is anything but, and neither is she.While she tries to figure out who she is and who she wants to be, Butch struggles to chip through the shell he helped build around her. The girl of his dreams may not even be a girl at all, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stand in his way. True love conquers all, right? That's what all the movies say.
Relationships: Butch DeLoria/Female Lone Wanderer, Butch DeLoria/Lone Wanderer
Comments: 636
Kudos: 145





	1. The Ax Forgets but the Tree Remembers

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everybody! My first work for the Fallout 3 fandom, though this game has owned my soul since day one.
> 
> Expect lots of flashbacks to vault life. I'm going to try to date everything so it's a bit easier to navigate their ages. Also the current rating is subject to change. I have never written anything but lemony goodness, so we shall see. ❤
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> (ETA: I changed the rating to reflect where we will eventually be. It's a super long way away & I will make a note of when this story actually changes from T to E. 👍)

**_July 2279_ **

Everything hurt as Abby stumbled into the Muddy Rudder in the belly of what had once been the USS Oriskany but was now known as Rivet City. Literally everything. Even her toes.

In fact, she was pretty sure she’d broken her pinky toe when she’d cracked it against a piece of rebar after tripping over the damn thing. If she took off her boot and still had a toenail, it would be a miracle.

Adding insult to injury was having to wear a stupid bandanna over her mouth and nose like she was some kind of bandit. The residents here might be used to the mold and the rust and the bacteria teeming over everything, but her vault-weakened immune system certainly was not. Knowing her luck, she’d probably die of red lung if she stayed here longer than a few hours at a time. As it was, her eyes were already incredibly itchy and she could practically feel the creepy crawly sensation of billions of microscopic organisms settling on her skin.

After a week over in Point Lookout gathering punga fruit, she was more than ready for home. With her darling Mister Handy and her gleaming metallic house with its easy to sanitize surfaces and shiny new second floor bathroom. She could almost hear her washing machine calling her name.

“Abracadabra!”

Oh, nope. That was just Belle.

“Hello, Miss Bonny.”

The barkeep grinned at her and leaned on the counter, “You got the goods?”

“Yes, ma’am.” She hefted the large duffel up and popped her back. “Thirty pounds if it’s an ounce. Fresh and juicy like the day it was picked.”

She hooted and almost hugged the bag. Abby found herself smiling despite all the aches and pains. This woman had terrified her the first few times they’d met two years ago, but since then she’d really grown on her. Especially after she discovered this bizarre love of all things punga.

“I tell you, Abs, you’re the only asshole worth a damn on this tub!”

“Thanks.”

“Let’s settle up, huh? What’d we say? Twenty caps?”

“Sixty.”

“Sixty?! I must’ve been drunk off my ass to agree to that kinda ripoff!”

“Okay.” She still wasn’t sure why people felt the need to haggle out here. Wasn’t it just simpler for everyone to agree to a reasonable price and then move on with their lives? Why did every transaction have to involve banter?

“Sixty. You must think I’m swimmin’ in caps instead of bullshit down here.”

“M’hmm.”

Belle scoffed, “Well, fine. Take your damn caps then.” She slapped down a sack and made a face when Abby slipped them into her pack. “Probably don’t even have my damn ointment on you.”

“I’ve got it right here.” She held up the bottle of liquid made from the innards of a spicy pepper imported in from out west. Good for rheumatism and joint complaints of all varieties.

“Hmph. That last shit you had wasn’t worth a good goddamn.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, I can’t control the quality of the peppers I get. Moira is working on a greenhouse for me though so next year might be different.”

“A greenhouse?”

“On my roof.”

“Huh. Must be nice livin’ in such a swanky place.”

“It is.”

“Pfft. How much for the bottle?”

“Five caps.”

“Five?! You steal all my money over fruit and now you’re trying to give away medicine? What the hell’s wrong with you?”

“Consider it a refund for the last batch.”

“Huh. Well, alright.” She fished out five caps from the register and held her hand above Abby’s. “You ain’t just tryin’ to give an old lady a discount, are you?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Alright then.” She dropped the caps and pocketed the bottle. “Well, it’s kinda late. You fixin’ on staying at the Waverly?”

“Probably. I told Bryan I’d visit, so…” She shrugged. Charon had told her a million times she shouldn’t let people know about the soft spot she had for kids, but they’d met too late for that advice to be worth a damn. She’d already met practically everyone in Megaton, Rivet City, Canterbury Commons and Underworld by then.

“Ah, you’re too soft, Abracadabra. I bet you still fall for those stupid rigged baby carriages, don’t you?”

Her cheeks went hot and she was suddenly grateful for her bandanna after all. “Of course not!”

“M’hmm.” She turned her head and yelled, “Brock! Come get this fruit!” Then completely ignored the man when he came over, “So… I got a job for you, if you’re interested.”

“A job?”

“Ya-huh. Usual?”

“Okay.” She dropped the five caps she hadn’t bothered to put away and accepted the Nuka. “What’s the job?”

Belle put her hand on her hip and slapped her bar rag down irritably, “I gotta guy here just won’t leave. Been camped out for a good month.”

“What? I thought you had Brock for --”

“Nah. Not for this one. I know the type. Jerk would just slip right back in here once Brock was gone.”

Righteous indignation swept through her. Belle was tough as nails. Whoever this jerk was must be a real piece of work to have her upset like this. “He hasn’t been harassing you, has he?” Her hand went to the plasma pistol on her hip and Belle’s eyes followed the movement.

“No, no. Nothing like that. I just think this job needs a special touch. A lady’s touch. A _you_ kinda lady.”

“Oh.” Her hand left her pistol and she shrugged. “Okay, so you want me to talk to him?”

“Yes. Exactly. You gotta talk to him. Get that prima donna outta here. He’s bringing down the whole feel of the place and I can’t stand it no more.”

"I'm on it."

Butch sat at the other end of the bar, picking at the label on his beer. The busty gal on the front with her blonde braided pigtails and the two large steins in her hands reminded him a little too much of a certain someone. She had to go.

He’d given up on finding her. He’d hit every damn place she was famous for haunting according to the radio, but no dice. Apparently she moved around a lot. It was impossible to catch her. Especially when she went wherever the wind took her. Or at least it had seemed that way to him. One day she’d be spotted down south, the next she was halfway to Baltimore. He’d heard of her going to someplace called the Pitt. Another place down the coast a ways that no one else had _ever_ come back from. She worked for the Brotherhood, the Regulators, the caravans. Even those twerps in Lamplight. Somehow.

They’d shot at him on sight, but she _ was _ pretty shrimpy. Always had been. Had that chirpy little voice and those big, dumb eyes. Maybe they just didn’t realize she was twenty-one. Probably just saw another kid when they looked at her.

He’d been moping around here for weeks. He’d lost his ma, his home, his gang. Everything. He’d hoped he hadn’t lost his girl, too, but apparently he had. She’d barely glanced his way after Amata had called her back to the vault. A curt nod of her head and that was it. In fact, she barely spoke a word to anybody except the dog she had with her. The mutt was scrawny, but had fangs enough that Butch hadn’t wanted to cross him to get to her.

Which meant that for the infinite time in his life, he’d missed his chance. By the time he’d drummed up the courage to go confront her over all the chaos and confusion her dad and her leaving had caused, the way it had torn him up inside to watch her run out that stupid vault door and how images of her frail, fragile self being ripped to shreds by some wasteland nightmare had haunted him every night thereafter, she’d already slipped back out.

She just showed up, completely remade his world all over again, and bounced. Just like that. Just like  _ always. _ He’d been furious at her for at least a week before Amata confessed to _making_ her leave. She'd actually had the balls to tell her the baldfaced  _ lie _ that nobody wanted her around. That her very presence was just too disturbing for some of the idiots they’d fought so hard to save. The door to 101 was always open now, but not for her. Never again would she be welcome back into the only home any of them had ever known.

Fucking bullshit. That’s what it was.

So he’d split. Packed what little shit he cared about and left. He woulda packed those stupid heavy ass books of her Ma’s, too, but she’d already somehow filched ‘em when nobody was looking. He had no idea how she pulled that off. All together they had to weigh half her body weight and they’d been stored right there in the clinic where Amata had held court with her rebels twenty-four seven. But they’d been gone when he went to take them. Every single one. Even the stupid atlas.

That kinda sucked, actually. Carrying them would’ve been a pain, but he’d wanted something to give her when he finally tracked her down. Something  _ big _ that would say everything he’d wanted to say since they were in kindergarten together. A gift awesome enough to make up for all the crap he’d put her through because admitting to himself or anybody else that he’d been pining for the Vault’s resident number one weirdo and perfect little girl scout all his life was just too hard.

God, he was pathetic.

“Butch DeLoria?”

Great. Now he was hallucinating her voice, even. He was just that much of a dip. Jesus fucking Christ.

A finger tapped him on the shoulder a few times, “Butch? Can you hear me?”

He rolled his eyes and sighed, “Yeah, I can hear you. Fuck.” Butch turned, fully expecting empty space beside him and blinked at the familiar green eyes staring at him. He almost choked on his beer but managed to get her name out through the coughing. “Abby?!”

“Yes? Are you alright?”

He waved his bottle at her, “Choking.”

“I can see that.”

“It’s fine.” He cleared his throat a few times and tried again, “Well, if it isn't my best gal, the one who sprung me from the Vault! I think I owe this lovely lady a drink!”

“Oh, no, thank you. I already have one.” She raised her own bottle and he frowned. Straight Nuka. Still a teetotaling dork even in an apocalyptic wasteland.

“Nah. What you’ve got is half a drink there, sweetheart.” He leaned over the bar and yelled down at Belle. “Hey! Can I get some whiskey in a glass for my friend over here?”

“That’s really not…” Abby watched Belle wink at her and sighed irritably. “Necessary. Thank you, Miss Bonny.”

“You’re welcome, Abracadabra.” She glared at him, “This is goin’ on your tab, bub. And you damn well better pay up before you leave.”

“Yes, ma’am!” He saluted her sarcastically and then patted the stool next to him. “Come on,  _ Abracadabra! _ Let’s play a little catch up, yeah? I’m sick of talkin’ to all these dead soldiers by myself.” He smacked a few of his empties out of the way before taking her Nuka and pouring it into the glass. “Sit.”

“Okay.”

Butch waited for her to climb up onto a stool and raised his beer, “Here's to freedom and rocking the Wasteland! Drink up!”

She raised her glass and took a small sip before recoiling, “Oh, that’s just awful.”

“Heh, still ain’t much of a drinker, huh?”

“Not really.” She sat it down with a thump. “I see you’ve slowed down a bit though.”

“Yeah, well, this pretty nurse told me I should a few times. Figured I’d listen.”

“Hmm. So, you left the vault.”

“I did. Jerks didn’t know nothin’ about real livin’. Not like us.”

“Ah.”

“So I struck out on my own! Just doin’ it up big, solo styles.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged, “And no, I guess. Wasteland’s a big place, ya know? Gets kinda lonely sometimes, but anything’s better than the vault. That place was a pit.”

“Right.”

“You’re lookin’ good though, shrimp. Guess the apocalypse agrees with you or somethin’.” She was looking  _ real _ good, actually. The sleeveless leather duster and tight jeans she had on were definitely doing it for him. Course, she could’ve worn a burlap sack and he’d have still been into it.

“Thank you.” Her eyes darted over him and he would’ve been a little excited except he could tell she was frowning at him under that stupid rag on her face. “You shouldn’t wear your vault suit out in the wastes. It draws the eye. You’ll be a target.”

“Thanks for the free advice.”

“Sure. So… how’d you wind up here?”

“Same way anyone does. By being too cool to stop anywhere else! I didn't see a thing in the wasteland that was a match for a bona fide Tunnel Snake.”

“Ah.” She nodded politely, “Well… you should probably think about moving on. Miss Bonny’s kind of prickly, you know. She’s liable to have you thrown out if you keep camping out in her bar.”

“Pssh. And where would you suggest I go, huh?”

“I’m sure I dunno. Anywhere is fine, probably.”

“Hmm.” She was quieter than he remembered. Less feisty. He’d already said she was cute twice and she hadn’t so much as blinked. “Where’s that mutt of yours at?”

“Oh, I sent Dogmeat home before I got here. Rivet City doesn’t agree with him.”

“Home? You got one of those?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. Coulda fooled me. Way I hear it, you’re just boppin’ around from place to place all the time. Nomadic like.”

“That’s true.”

He waited but she didn’t say anything else and he squashed down the frustration swelling up inside. “So where’s home at then?”

“Megaton.”

“Oh, Megaton. Yeah. I been there.”

“M’hmm.”

“It’s pretty nice. Big walls.”

“Right.”

Damn. She was giving him less than nothing here. He was doing everything he could to not blow it, but if she didn’t give him an opening, he was screwed. “So you got anybody waiting for you at this home of yours?”

“Just Wadsworth.”

“Wadsworth?”

“My Mister Handy. He came with the house.”

“Oh, no shit! You got your own robot?”

“Yes.”

“That’s awesome.”

“Thanks.”

“So nobody special though?”

A flicker of the girl she’d once been finally showed in her eyes and she glared at him with a raised eyebrow, “What kind of special?”

“You know, boyfriend? Girlfriend? Sex slave? Whatcha got?” He grinned at the aggravation that practically radiated from her now. Come on, kitty. Time to play. “Maybe you’re just one of them freaks who’s into the dog and robot though, huh?” He shrugged, “Takes all kinds I guess.”

“I am not some kind of  _ deviant! _ That’s… how dare you!”

“So you got a toy stashed somewhere then? Dick on a leash? Pussy on a string kinda thing?”

“Of course not!”

He scoffed, “You’re tellin’ me a stacked piece of ass such as yourself ain’t gotten laid in two years? Please.”

“That’s -- that’s none of your business!” She stood up and pointed her finger at him. “Listen, you jerk! You move on from here and go find somebody else to bother with your nonsense! You hear? Miss Bonny’s tired of it and so am I!”

She stomped away. Right out the door without looking back and he saw his whole future leaving with her. Fuck. Too far.

“Wait! Hey!” He hopped off his stool and made to follow only to be met with the bar hag at the door. Butch scowled at her, “Get outta my way, old lady.”

“Pay up first.”

Shit. “Oh. Right, yeah.”

By the time he got his tab settled and ran upstairs into the closed market, Abby was nowhere in sight. A security officer frowned at him, no doubt about to give him the business over being caught there after hours, but he beat him to the punch.

“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s late. You seen a little slice come through here? About yea big?” He held his hand up to the middle of his chest. “Big green eyes? Curly hair?”

“Abby Lane.”

“Right. Her.”

“What’s your business with Miss Lane?”

Goddammit. Somehow the girl who’d never been able to manage one decent conversation in her life had made nice with everybody in the whole fucking Capitol Wasteland. Made it hard to track her out there and now it was fucking with him in here, too.

Butch raised his left arm and pointed at the PipBoy there. “We’re old friends, alright? Grew up together.”

“Oh, you’re from that vault.”

“Right. Yeah.”

He pointed up, “She’s headed for the Waverly. Checks in on Vera’s boy sometimes.”

“Great. Thanks.”

“Marketplace hours are --”

“Yeah, I know! Thanks!”

He bolted for the stairs and took them two at a time straight up. He didn’t care how much she’d changed, she couldn’t have fixed that bum ticker of hers. Overtaking her had always been a cinch. He finally caught sight of her at the top landing and shouted her name. She jumped and whirled, hitting him with that frosty look that had always had his stomach doing somersaults and he couldn’t help it. His brain just completely short circuited for a sec.

Butch tripped and fell flat on his face.

“Oh, my God! Butch!”

He winced at the pain in his forehead and knee and sat up, shaking his head, confused at why he was suddenly sweating so much. Cool hands cupped his jaw and tilted his face up. Abby was staring at him from less than five inches away and he couldn’t do anything but stare back.

“You’re bleeding.”

“What?”

“Hold still.”

One of those soft hands left him and he immediately pouted. He wanted it back.

“What’s wrong? Does anything but your head hurt?”

“Huh? Oh… my knee.”

“You probably just banged it on a step on the way down, but I can check it if you want.”

“‘Kay.”

She dabbed at the cut on his forehead, “I’m sorry if this stings. I have to disinfect it. This ship is  _ filthy.” _

He chuckled at that. The whole damn wasteland was filthy. It was cute though, that she’d held onto that hospital corners mentality after all this time. “Yeah.”

“I don’t think you’ll need stitches. Just some tape should do it. I'd use a stimpak but it might scar.”

“Hmm.” He watched her work, all efficient and calm. The only time he ever remembered her being calm was when she was doing patch jobs like this. “You’re still a nurse.”

“I was never a nurse. I was an intern. I dunno why you always called me that.”

“Cause nurses are supposed to be cute… and you always wore that little hat.”

“It was part of the uniform.”

“Heh. Yeah.” Goddamn that uniform. He wasn’t sure who’d designed the Vault-Tec nursing outfits, but he’d like to shake that man’s hand. Her in that sexy pink dress with the crisp white apron over it and that saucy little hat were what dreams were made of.

“Okay, all done.” She packed away her supplies and waved her hand in front of his eyes, watching as the shadow fell across them. “I don’t think you’re concussed or anything. Do you need help getting up? I can find somebody.”

“Nah, it’s --”

“Oh, your knee. I almost forgot.” Her hands were suddenly pressing on his leg, “Does this hurt?”

“Uh, no.”

She moved them to just above his knee and squeezed again, “How about now?”

Shit. It definitely didn’t hurt but having her sliding her hands around there wasn't exactly doing him any favors in the ‘don’t be a skeeze’ department. He shifted away before certain things became noticeable and shrugged, “It’s fine.”

“Oh, good. You might have bruising but it should be alright.”

“Great.”

“Yeah. Well… I should, uh…”

“Wait.” He caught her hand as she started to move away and she wobbled, off balance on the stairs. She had to plant her other hand on the railing above his head and he got a faceful of breasts squished up against him before she managed to recover and sat back. Heat flooded through him and it felt like his heart had shot off out of his body.

Was this what a stroke felt like?

“What?”

“Uh.” Right. This was his own fault. He’d asked her to wait. He’d run her off like a dope earlier. Butch glanced around but they were all alone in the dark staircase. Just them and the rust. He lowered his voice anyway, soft and serious. “I’m sorry, Abby. For bein’ such a jerk.”

“Oh. Well… that’s alright. You don’t have to apologize.” Her eyes crinkled up in a way that let him know she was giving him a half smile. “It’s not like I’m not used to it, right? It’d probably be pretty weird if you weren’t at this point.”

Fuck. Maybe this really was too far gone. That well-known feeling of hopelessness and disappointment washed over him. “Yeah.”

“Anyway, we aren’t kids anymore. People are jerks everyday. You aren’t so bad, really. I figured that out a while ago. Ran into at least three  _ way _ worse jerks than you just on my first day out, so… don’t worry about it.” She shrugged, “I grew up, Butch. I don’t expect stupid stuff like decency or manners from anyone anymore. So don’t worry about it.”

Oh, God, his heart hurt. She said it so casual-like but it was tearing him apart to hear her talk like that. He’d been a selfish asshole before. All pissed that she’d left and he’d had to endure years of fighting before he got out. Once he’d seen she’d survived, he hadn’t even given a thought to how much she must’ve suffered to manage it.

What had happened to her? Abby had been soft even back when they were toddlers. Crying over the dumbest shit. Getting all upset anytime somebody said boo to her. It had made her a prime target for razzing, but it was also the only way he’d ever found to get all of her attention at once, so he’d kept at it.

One time, when they were barely four, he’d tried sneaking a kiss. Snuck right into her living room and planted one her chubby little cheek. She hadn’t even looked up from her book. It was like he wasn’t even there. So he’d stolen it and her glasses and ran gleefully down the hallway while she shrieked and chased him. The whole thing was beyond embarrassing now looking back on it, but that one moment had basically set the tone for the rest of their relationship all the way up until she’d left.

No wonder she hadn’t cared to talk to him when she came back. Why would she, right? She’d probably been worried that he’d aggravate her and she’d lose it and just shoot him. He knew her. She’d have done it and then felt terrible for ages after. No matter how much he’d deserved it.

“Anyway, I gotta go. It’s getting late, so… I’ll see you around, I guess.” She gently pulled her hand away and patted his awkwardly. “It was nice to see you again.”

Butch watched her stand up and put her pack back on. There were too many words trying to get out of his mouth at once for any to actually make it. He wanted to tell her that he’d thought about her every day since she’d left. No, more than that. Every day since the very beginning. There hadn’t been a single hour of his life he could remember that she hadn’t been burned on his brain.

He wanted to tell her he was proud of all the insane shit she’d done. All the rescues and escapes and stuff Three Dog talked about on the radio. That he was proud to call her his friend, even if she didn’t think of him as hers.

That she was smart and pretty and kind and wonderful and all that crap he’d done when they were kids, all the names and the pranks and the cruelty, was wrong and stupid and  _ he _ was wrong and stupid. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness. Tell her all the sappy stuff she’d always inspired in him. All those stupid poems and the love letters he’d never been brave enough to leave in her desk. How they’d ridden around in his jacket pocket for weeks before he’d finally given up trying to muster up the courage and tossed them in the incinerator.

Instead, he barely managed to make anything come out at all.

“Hey, nosebleed? I’ll see you in the morning, alright? We got a lotta catching up to do.”

She almost laughed and shook her head, “Morning? Since when have you gotten up before noon?”

The bulkhead door shut behind her and the awful metallic scrape that accompanied it was so similar to what the vault door had sounded like when she’d first escaped that he winced and shut his eyes, banging his head back against the railing.

“Stupid, stupid, _stupid.”_

* * *

_**August 2274** _

“Abigail. Where do you think you’re going, young lady?”

Abby froze at the door and hugged the book in her arms a little tighter. “Just returning this.”

“M’hmm. And getting the next one?”

“Well… since I was already going to be there…”

James sighed, “Sweetheart, it's nearly midnight. You need to sleep sometime.”

“I can sleep after the G.O.A.T.!”

“I know you’re worried about this test, but you really shouldn’t be. It will be fine.”

“I’m almost done. I swear.”

“Which volume is that?”

“Twenty-two.”

“Isn’t this your third time through the set?”

“Third time’s the charm!”

“Abigail.”

Oh, that tone. She hated that tone. “I just want to live up to Mom’s legacy. Make you proud and all.”

“I’m already proud of you, and your mother would be, too.”

“I know, I just…” She sighed, “I’m being silly.”

“No, you’re being your mother’s daughter.” He ruffled her strawberry blonde curls and smiled. “Alright. Go get number twenty-three. But be quick about it. It’s far past curfew.”

“Thanks, Daddy.”

Abby quietly walked the silent, darkened halls of Vault 101, hugging the walls to avoid the security patrols. Slowly making her way to her father’s office in the clinic. The Encyclopedia Britannica set kept there was one of the few possessions her mother had owned that they had left. She probably should have asked before borrowing the heavy, leather bound books, but here lately her father had been pushing her to ‘be more sociable’ and ‘make an effort’ to make more friends with the other kids. If she’d asked outright for more books to read, he probably would have finally set her up on a blind date like he was always joking about.

In her opinion, she had plenty of friends already. Stanley and Jonas and Amata and Grandma Taylor were great. Most of the adults in the vault were nice enough and she got along fine with them.

Their children, however, left a lot to be desired.

Then again, maybe it was just her. They all seemed to get along swell with each other. She was considered the odd one, after all. She wasn’t interested in gossip. Or hairdos or dance steps or who was caught necking with who in a closet somewhere. She didn’t care who went all the way, who was considered a prude, who was pinned to who.

She’d liked the games they used to play when they were little. Back when they all still got along with each other. Hunt the Mutant and baseball and tag. Slumber parties and popcorn. Playing gin rummy and attempting to create edible offerings for the annual Bake Off. Then puberty had happened and it felt like everyone, save her and Amata, had lost their damn minds. The other girls had stopped fighting back against the boys incessant bullying. Stopped circling the wagons. Now they just  _ giggled _ when they did asinine things. Blushing and acting like ninnies whenever the posturing and chest thumping would start up. The teasing they all endured was suddenly full of sexual overtones and innuendo.

It all made her extremely uncomfortable, and she wasn’t shy about letting them know. Amata didn’t care as much, or if she did, she didn’t show it. As the Overseer’s daughter, she’d been drilled in being ‘the example’ her whole life. Retaliating wasn’t even an option as far as she was concerned, though her efforts to be above it all usually had the opposite effect for some reason.

Honestly it all just seemed silly to Abby. She’d had a plan for her life down here since she was five years old. Study hard, follow in her father’s footsteps, work in the clinic, have two babies at some point with the least offensive male available to do her part to keep the vault going. Dating and marriage didn’t really factor into any of those plans. Babies could be made through science far easier than the traditional means in her opinion. Less messy, too. Plus, there wouldn’t be anybody hanging around after trying to tell her how to raise her children as if they had a right.

In short, she wanted to be somebody _ important. _ People who were important in the vault were defined by their jobs. Overseer, doctor, engineer, teacher. Those who weren’t were defined by what others thought of them. Delinquent, lush, prep, loser. In her particular case, shrimp, Poindexter, nosebleed, or, her personal favorite, ice queen.

The boys in the vault all thought she was, in Paulie’s words, a frosty bitch. Which was just fine with her. Apparently objecting to being pawed at and drooled on just wasn’t hip. Thanks to grabbing Wally’s finger and almost breaking it when he’d goosed her in the cafeteria, slapping Freddie across the face when he’d tried to plant one on her during Homecoming, and punching Butch in the stomach when he'd pinched her bottom in the hall, she’d secured quite the reputation for herself as a girl you didn’t want to get frisky with.

Especially since none of the adults would ever believe a ‘good girl’ like her would ever possibly do the kinds of things the boys occasionally accused her of. No, of course not. She was tiny and soft and cried at the drop of a hat. Delicate. She had a  _ condition. _ Several conditions, actually. There was absolutely nothing about her that said ‘fighter’ to anyone. Not even to herself. She was always surprised at the violence she was capable of. The eruptions of emotion that would occasionally surge past her control.

It had all started in the fourth grade. Butch and his little friends had cornered poor Amata. Ambushed her in the bathroom of all places. A sacred space if ever there was one. Angry that she’d answered a question correctly in class and supposedly humiliated Butch in the process.

Abby had been taught her whole life that bullies were just cowards. That if you stood up to them, they’d back down. So she’d gotten between Amata and the boys and told them if they were going to hit her friend, they’d have to hit her first.

That was the day she learned the very important caveat that a bully will absolutely fight back if they have an audience of their peers cheering them on. Butch had broken her nose, blood flew everywhere. Abby had one of her little moments where her brain completely misinterpreted the signals coming in from her body and she’d laughed instead of cried. Laughed like she’d just heard the funniest joke ever as blood poured down her vault suit and tears ran down her face.

Butch and his buddies had reacted like she was some monster from a horror film and ran away. Amata, not wanting there to be more trouble, had told the Overseer and her father that Abby had just tripped and fell down in the restroom.

She was forever clumsy, too, so it was an easy lie to pull off.

That was almost ten years ago, and you would think that the boys would have gotten a clue by now and stopped messing with her, but no. They had not.

At least with the other girls blossoming into early womanhood, they were more distracted now. Who wanted to pick on a couple of nerds when you could be feeling up Susie Mack, right? Sure. Aside from Homecoming, when the Overseer had insisted on old-fashioned conformity and she’d been forced to wear an honest to God  _ dress, _ the boys didn’t seem to even realize she was a girl at all. Which was also fine with her, since the one who did went nutty and mistook a ‘it’s nice to see you this evening’ for ‘please shove your tongue in my mouth’. Hard pass on that, thank you very much.

Didn’t he  _ know _ how many germs were found in human saliva? It was  _ disgusting. _

She input the code to unlock the clinic and then the other one for her father’s office. They were easy to remember. Her parents's wedding anniversary and her mother’s birthday. Dates of singular importance to the Lane family and no one else.

Volume twenty-three, Vase to Zygote, was one of her all-time favorites. Some very interesting entries there. It was already late, but surely she could get through a few pages before her father started threatening to confiscate her light bulbs.

Again.

Abby was just turning to leave when a familiar derisive snort from behind nearly had her out of her skin and she whirled around, thankful to whatever deity was watching out for her that she’d thought to put her robe on over her shortie gown and bloomers before leaving their quarters.

Why’d they have to wear such ludicrous outfits to sleep in, anyway?

She narrowed her eyes. There was something about the way Butch was looking at her that made her feel like a piece of meat. She did not like it. Abby straightened her spine, adjusted her reading glasses and leveled an icy glare at him.

“You have absolutely no business being here after hours.”

He smirked and leaned against the door frame, “Neither do you, little Miss Goody Two-Shoes.”

“Of course I do. I am borrowing a book.  _ With permission.” _

“A book? You’ve got free run of the place and all you wanna take is a book?”

“Why are you here?”

“Saw the door was open.” He shrugged, “Figured I’d investigate.”

“Well, I was just leaving and I have to lock up, so you’ll have to go.”

“Hmm.” Butch walked over to her and tugged at the book in her arms. “Whatcha readin’, anyway?”

She refused to back up even an inch for this greaser wanna-be, but she did smack his hand away. “None of your business!”

He snatched the book and started laughing, “Encyclopedia Britannica? Jeez, kid. Do you ever lighten up?”

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

“It’s the weekend and  _ this _ is what you’re sneaking around with? A  _ book?” _

“I like reading books.”

“Yeah, no, we all know that already. If I ever saw you without your nose in one, I’d die of shock.” He opened it and squinted, “Shit, the print’s tiny. A vase is an open container. It can be made from a number of… good God, I’m already bored as a gourd.”

She tried to hold it back. She really did. But he’d just left off  _ right in the middle of the damn sentence _ like an  _ animal. _ “It can be made from a number of materials, such as ceramics, glass, non-rusting metals, such as aluminium, brass, bronze, or stainless steel.” It all came out in a rush and she clapped her hands over her mouth after, staring at him with horrified eyes.

His eyebrow slowly rose and he grinned, flipped it to a new page and began again. “A wallaby is a small or…”

Goddammit. Abby fought it as hard as she could but it came out anyway. “A wallaby is a small or middle-sized macropod native to Australia and New Guinea, with introduced populations in New Zealand, the United Kingdom and other countries.”

“Goddamn. You’ve got this whole thing memorized, don’t you?”

“Just give it here!” She yanked the volume out of his hand and held it tightly. “You can go now!”

“Nah, I gotta know. It’s gonna drive me crazy.” He spun around her and stole a volume at random from the shelf. Dancing back out of her reach when she lunged at him.

“Hey! That’s not yours!”

“Jasmine is a genus of shrubs and vines in the olive family. It contains around two-hundred species…”

“It contains around two-hundred species native to tropical and warm temperate regions of Eurasia and Oceania.  _ Put it back!” _ She smacked him on the shoulder with the heavy book she was holding but he just laughed.

“What kinda freak memorizes a whole damn encyclopedia?”

“This kind, obviously! Now give it back, Butch! I mean it!”

“Oooh, she means it!” He laughed, “Sorry, nosebleed. I can’t take you seriously in your dumb bunny slippers. Come on.”

“These are standard issue!”

“So? Don’t mean you actually gotta wear ‘em. Sheesh. What are you, ten?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing! Now give me back my book or so help me God, I will find a scalpel and stab you right in the neck! I swear I will!”

“Stabbing people now? That’s not very teacher’s pet of you. Apple’s gonna lose its shine if you don’t watch it.”

Her mother’s precious treasure in the hands of her worst enemy was like a living nightmare. The pages were so thin. The binding so old and fragile. He could probably tear it apart at the spine with his bare hands. Abby felt her throat constrict and her eyes went hot as tears started sliding down her face. Her voice broke over the words, “Give it back.”

His obnoxious grin slid into something a little less confident as he stared at her. “The fuck you cryin’ for? I ain’t even hit you yet.”

“So hit me already. Just give it back after. I don’t care.”

The smile finally died and he frowned thoughtfully, “Nah. It’s no fun if you aren’t fightin’ back.” He handed her the volume and watched her carefully set it back in its place. “So what’s the story here with you and the books?”

It was none of his business, but he’d shown a surprising amount of humanity for someone with the emotional IQ of a radroach. “They were my mother’s.”

“Oh. Oh, _ jeez. _ I’m… hey, I’m sorry, kid. I really am.”

Abby stood back up and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I’m sure.”

“No, really. Look, some things are sacred, right? If I’d known they were your Ma’s, I’d never have… I’m just sorry. You can believe it or don’t. Whatever.” He put his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and shrugged.

“Oh… well, thank you for being decent. For once.”

“Heh, yeah.” He shuffled a little closer until she had to back up into the shelf. Staring down at her with those mischievous baby blues. “Hey, you know what?”

“What?” Her own eyes were narrowed in suspicion. He was using the boyfriend voice on her. The one usually reserved for Christine or Susie when she’d see them snuggled up in the cafeteria together on dates.

He lightly tugged on one of the curls that haloed her head and smirked, “Somebody could almost mistake you for a real girl in this getup.”

She felt her cheeks go pink and quickly tugged the top of her robe even more modestly closed than it already was. From his angle, he might have had a look right down her top. She had no way of knowing for sure but it definitely seemed like something a pervert like him would do.

“So?”

“So…” A half shuffle closer and he was now close enough that she could smell the soap he used under his liberal application of aftershave and the miasma of stale smoke that clung to him. “You’re kinda cute under all that nerd crap, aren’t you?”

She blinked up at him in complete confusion and shock. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. They should have either started the fight for real or he should’ve wandered off with his tail between his legs by now. This was just… odd behavior. Unprecedented.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m sayin’ you ain’t half bad to look at when you aren’t trying so hard to be a frosty box is all.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“I think maybe you should do a little reading on what qualifies as a compliment then.”

“M’hmm.” He took a half step back and she immediately felt relief flood through her, even as he carefully looked her over. “Did you look this tasty at Homecoming?”

The feeling receded. “I… I have no idea how to answer that.”

He kept on as if she hadn’t spoken at all. Nodding to himself, “No, I don’t think you did. You had that stupid thing on. Made you look like a banana.”

“I borrowed it from Amata.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right. You look a lot better in this. Pink’s your color.”

Why was he staring at her so hard? His eyes looked darker now for some reason. Some trick of the light, maybe. She averted her gaze and swallowed. “Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

They stood there in growing silence and the few times she got brave enough to peek up at him, he was still staring at her. Was this some kind of new bullying tactic? Making her feel cornered and queasy without saying a word? Her heart was starting to race and that made her even more nervous. If the palpitations started up, if she had one of her episodes in front of him, she’d die. Absolutely die.

“Hey, that uh… that kiss? When Freddie laid one on you and you laid him out? That wasn’t your first, was it?”

“Is that supposed to be a rhetorical question?”

“No.”

“Of course it was.” She frowned at him, “You’re friends with all the other boys, aren’t you? Has anybody ever said they’ve kissed me?”

“No, but not all guys kiss and tell.”

“Sure they don’t.”

“I don’t.”

Abby went to roll her eyes but realized she’d never actually heard of Butch bragging like the other boys did. It was always the girls bragging that they’d made out with him instead. Huh. “Oh.”

“You must’ve felt like you were drowning under ol’ slobber chops, huh?”

She almost laughed. The memory of his slimy, punch flavored, cake crumb encrusted tongue invading her mouth made her shudder still though. Even almost a whole year later. Easily the most traumatic experience of her life. She’d take a million broken noses over  _ that _ any day of the week. “Kinda. Yeah.”

“That blows.”

“I guess.”

“Didn’t put you off the whole idea though, right?”

“I…” She frowned, “I was never on the idea in the first place, actually.”

“No shit?”

“No, I um…” She shrugged, “I don’t really believe in the concept of romantic love.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“I dunno, it just doesn’t seem very appealing to me. There’s a lot of drama and germs and it’s messy and…” And her mother would still be alive today, no doubt remaking Vault civilization as they knew it with her brilliance, if she hadn’t fallen for all that fairytale nonsense. “Why are you kind of being nice to me right now? It’s weird.”

“It is weird, huh? I dunno. Maybe I finally found the perfect amount of vodka.”

“You’ve been drinking?”

He smirked, “Ha. Well, if it ain’t obvious then I definitely found the right amount.”

“You shouldn’t drink. It’s --” Hereditary. “-- bad for you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you care? You sweet on me, nosebleed?”

She scoffed at the ridiculousness of his assumption. “I only care because…” Wait,  _ did  _ she care? When had that happened? “Because cirrhosis of the liver is very difficult to treat and one day I’m probably going to be your doctor. So your… your poor choices now are making more work for me in the future. So you should stop it.”

“You’re saying if I drink too much, I get to spend more time alone here with you?”

“I guess. Eventually.”

“Don’t give me much incentive to take care of myself then, huh?”

“What?” He raised his hand and she involuntarily flinched, squeezing her eyes shut and bracing for whatever smack or noogie or wet willie he was about to unleash on her. When she felt his fingers slide through her curls without yanking or twisting, she cautiously opened them. He was staring at her with the strangest look on his face. She didn’t even have the words to describe it. “What’re you doing now?”

“Your hair’s real pretty. Why don’t you ever wear it down like this?”

Oh. That’s right. He had that weird obsession with hair. “It just gets in the way.”

“Hmm.” He watched the way it wrapped around his fingers and smiled down at her. “Kinda makes you look like one of those uh… whatcha call it? A cherub.”

“A cherub?”

“Yeah, that’s one of those fat, baby angels, right?”

“Right.” Was he calling her fat now? What the hell was wrong with this jerk anyway? First Amata and now her. Did he just consider any girl who didn’t talk incessantly of dieting as fat? What an asshole.

“You gonna smite me if I go for it here or what?”

Abby frowned. Once again completely lost and confused. “Smite you? What?”

“Eh, fuck it. You hit like a girl anyway.”

“What are you --”

He cut her off mid-sentence, bending down and softly pressing his lips against hers. His kiss was so different from Freddie’s. It felt warm and gentle and she couldn’t help but gasp at the strange little electric pulse that zinged through her. The moment she did, he chuckled and resettled his mouth, more firm and insistent now but still pleasant. His tongue barely whispered against her lower lip and it wasn’t disgusting at all. Quite the opposite actually, even with the sharp taste of vodka and cigarettes on his breath. The hand in her hair tightened just for a moment and then he let her go, watching her face closely to gauge her reaction.

Except she didn’t really know which reaction to go with. She was drowning all over again but this time for very different reasons. It felt like her brain was on fire and simultaneously frozen solid. Her entire thought process had stumbled to a halt and all she could do was stare at him with wide, shocked eyes. Her whole body shivered rather violently as the lingering sparks finally left her and she was able to blink at least. Proper speech took a few more seconds.

“What was that?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up, “If you gotta ask, I didn’t do it right.”

“I mean… why? Why would you do that?” Her lips still felt weird and tingly. She brushed them with her fingertips but they didn't seem any different. There was no residue from some kind of nefarious lip balm or anything.

Butch shrugged, “I dunno. Always kinda wanted to, I guess. Saw a shot and took it.”

“Oh.” Of course. He’d already kissed every other girl in their class. Why not her, too? She should probably warn Amata in case he tried coming for her next. He no doubt wanted a full bingo card before declaring victory to his silly gang.

He was starting to look uncomfortable and backed away, “So, uh…”

Right. Her father was expecting her. She had her book. He had his kiss. There was no reason for either of them to still be here.

“Well, you did it so…”

“So?”

“So we’re done here, right? You’re done, I mean. I have to lock up and get back to studying.”

“Oh. Uh… yeah. Alright.” He seemed confused for the first time since he’d walked in. Or maybe that was just the alcohol in his system. He walked to the door of the clinic and paused, glaring at her over his shoulder with his usual hostile sneer. “Don’t go blabbing about this, alright, Poindexter? People’ll think I’ve lost my marbles trying to melt a glacier like you.”

For some reason, his insult, repetitive and pithy as it was, seemed like it slammed directly into her heart this time. She didn’t understand that either. Abby nodded, eyes overbright with unshed tears. “I’ll take it to the grave.”

“You better.”

She watched him stomp away and hurriedly rubbed her eyes. What a silly thing to get upset over.  _ Glacier. _ Honestly, she was surprised he even knew what the word meant with how lazy he was in class. She really should be more amused than anything else.

By the next morning, everything had returned to normal. Or he had, at least. She caught him and his friends, the so-called Tunnel Snakes, hassling Amata. More fat jokes and deriding her for being a daddy’s girl. A few sharp words and the threat of violence from her had them scattering like the radroaches they were. Same old, same old. But she was somehow disappointed in a whole new way in Butch. Wally and Paulie were lost causes, but she’d truly thought he’d shown her a different side the night before.

Just went to show how silly she was, really.

They took their seats and he had a spit wad slamming into her earlobe from across the room before her butt had even hit the chair. Typical. She flicked it away without acknowledging him and waited for Mr. Brotch to pass out the examination scantrons. Normally she’d be fidgeting like mad in her seat, but she was too exhausted to be nervous this morning. She’d finally fallen asleep sometime _after_ her father had gotten up to start breakfast. Now she was just barely managing to stay awake even after four verboten cups of instant coffee.

Abby had tried to get out of the exam altogether, honestly, but her father wasn’t having it. Not after his repeated scoldings over her staying up so late and studying too hard going ignored for so long. He’d just pouted sympathetically at her and sent her right out the door.

If she ended up in maintenance or as a waste specialist, it would be all his fault.

The whole test was a blur. It was so hard to focus on the little bubbles and she had to check three times on each question to make sure she was coloring in the correct one. Then once it was finished, she realized she’d completely forgotten to even put her name at the top. First time ever.

Amata got hers in first, of course. Bouncing in place while Mr. Brotch tallied her score. Supervisory track. Like there’d ever been a doubt. Abby gave her a thumbs up and stood in line to turn hers in, trying to keep her eyes open and promising herself a much needed nap after.

The scent of aftershave and pomade engulfed her and she didn’t even need to turn around to know who was right behind her. Butch. Of course. She sighed heavily and ignored the snickering and vulgar noises coming from him. Wally was smirking in his seat, so God only knew what silly game he was playing. Probably pantomiming something disgusting or flipping her off. Devil horns or whatever.

Just two weeks of class after this and then she could start her apprenticeship wherever she was sorted. If she played her cards right, she should only ever have to see Butch and his little cohorts at the mandatory monthly meetings the Overseer held in the atrium. Thank you, God.

Christine was arguing with the teacher now. Complaining over… something. She didn’t really know. It was so hard to think about anything but her bed. Someone warm and familiar pressed against her back and she almost dozed off right then and there. A quiet voice in her ear just made it that much worse.

“You alright, angel?”

Her brain was sluggish enough that although she registered the voice belonged to Butch, she couldn’t seem to manage a proper antagonistic response. “Tired.”

Now there was a hand at her waist. Right side where no one could see it. It slid down and gently squeezed her hip. He murmured, “Too freaked out about the test to sleep, huh?”

The test. Her future. Her place in the world. His weird behavior last night. The strange reaction her body had to him kissing her.

That  _ damn _ kiss.

“M’hmm.”

“Alright. Just checkin’. Fuckin’ nerd.”

Abby frowned. One of his favorite insults paired with the soft way he’d whispered it turned it into something that sounded, weirdly enough, like a term of endearment. The hand at her side vanished and she was suddenly very aware of how chilly it was in here. Chilly in the whole damn vault, actually. Who the hell had decided that sixty-five degrees was the optimal temperature in the first place?

Mr. Brotch had to snap his fingers at least three times before she realized it was her turn. She stumbled forward and he frowned first at her and then Butch still lurking behind her. “You aren’t bothering Miss Lane here, are you, DeLoria?”

“Who me? Course not, Mr. Brotch.”

“Uh-huh.” He marked a few of her answers before fixing him with a hard teacher stare. “You know, I’ve been watching you pick at her for years, and now that our time here in the classroom is coming to an end, I feel I should let you know that it shows a real lack of empathy for your fellow man to go after a girl with her kinda condition. You’re about to be considered an adult in this Vault, mister. You should start acting like one.”

“What?! I ain’t goin’ after her!”

“And what do you call lobbing spitballs and flicking rubber bands her way then, hmm?”

“Oh… oh, that’s…” He shrugged, “Ya know, just havin’ a goof.”

“Uh-huh.” He went back to grading her test. “I’m sorry about him, Miss Lane. I don’t know how you put up with it.”

Usually very well, thank you. She just sighed though. All the adults here treated her like she was made from spun glass. The poor little girl with the  _ conditions. _ A weak heart and always so anxious. As if any of that mattered in the grand scheme of things.

Her father had told her a million times that if she’d grown up anywhere else, she’d have finished school before most of her peers even knew cursive. But the Overseer didn’t believe in exceptions, or autism for that matter. So instead of being allowed to be the whiz-kid prodigy her mother had been, she’d been permanently yoked to her age group and forced to strictly adhere to the Vault-Tec approved educational system. Plodding along with the rest of them at a pace that made her prone to spacing out in class and suffering from a terminal case of boredom.

Sometimes she really wished she’d been born before Amata’s dad had taken over the vault. Clearly his predecessor had been more progressive and reasonable.

“Wow.  _ Wow. _ Says here you're going to be the vault's Marriage Counselor.” He laughed, “Almost makes me want to get married, just to be able to avail myself of your services.”

The absurdity of that statement managed to break through the fog and she shook her head, “What? No, that’s… that can’t be right.”

“Yeah, that uh… I always figured you’d be a brain surgeon or somethin’. Weird.”

“I… I didn’t get much sleep last night. Daddy said I was overworking myself again and --”

Wally Mack snorted from his seat and mimicked her voice, high and frightened.  _ “Daddy.” _

“Shut it, man!”

She started. The admonishment had, for some reason, come from Butch. Abby glanced back at him but he was too busy glaring at his buddy to notice and she went back to pleading her case.

“Is there any way I can take it again? Maybe after a nap or --”

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t get excited.” Mr. Brotch leaned towards her and whispered conspiratorially, “Listen, kiddo. Just between you and me? The whole test is a joke. If you don't like the results, I can make your G.O.A.T. come out any way you want. Just let me know.”

“But… isn’t that cheating, though?”

He gave her a flat stare before an exasperated sigh left him and he looked down at her scantron, “Oh! Would you look at that! I totally marked this all wrong. Golly. Lesse…” He scribbled all over the sheet, making most of her answers unreadable. “Wow. Yup. That’s what I thought. What it  _ really _ says is you’re slated to be our next doctor. Must run in the family, huh? Your pops is gonna be  _ so _ proud.”

“Really?!”

“Really!”

She clapped her hands, beaming from ear to ear. “Thank you, Mr. Brotch!”

“No, no, thank you. It’s nice to know I’ll spend my geriatric years being looked after by someone who actually knows what the heck they’re doing.”

“I’m going to go tell Daddy right now!”

“Okay then. Tell Dr. Lane I said hello.”

Abby turned and immediately stumbled over a foot that wasn’t in her way a second ago. She barely managed to catch herself on a desk and glared at the miscreant responsible. Always had to go ruin every good moment in her life. “Fudge it all! Why don’t you go get bent, Butch!”

His eyes went wide with comedic shock and he pouted, “Did you hear that Mr. Brotch?! Got a mouth on her, don’t she?”

“Save it, Mr. DeLoria.”


	2. The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback!

_**June 2275** _

_ “Ow! _ Owowowowowowowow!”

Abby sighed to herself. She didn’t even have to look up from her paperwork to know who was whining at the clinic door. Ever since she’d started working here, Butch had been finding excuses to stop by and hassle her. Four times a week minimum.

So much for her dreams of a peaceful, Tunnel Snake free existence.

“Oh, what now? Did you get a papercut? Bang your head on something? Stub your toe?” She finally turned her head to glare at him and her eyes went wide. “Oh, my God! What did you do?!”

Blood was running down from the hand he had clutched to his chest, dripping onto the floor in a small puddle. His jacket was gone and he looked strange without it to her. Smaller somehow.

“Cut myself.”

“You’re bleeding all over the place! Get in here!” She pointed at a stool and hurried over to the medical supply closet while he sat. “How did you manage that?”   


“Sharpenin’ scissors.”

“Sharpening scissors. Of all the stupid…” Abby pulled over her own stool and sat in front of him. “You should really be more mindful of what you’re doing.”

“Yeah, yeah. You gonna patch me up or what?”

“Well, it is my job so I suppose I have to, don’t I?” She yanked his hand over and set it on the small surgery table between them with an audible thump.

_ “Ow! _ Watch it! Nice bedside manner, Nurse Ratchet.”

“It’s Ratched! Not…” She frowned and stopped working entirely. “Were you in my room?”

“Huh?”

“That book is banned. It’s not available in the library.”

“What book?”

“You know very well what book!”

He smirked before shrugging, “I dunno what you’re talking about, nosebleed. Maybe you’ve been stuck in here with all these disinfectants and whatnot too long. It’s makin’ you loopy.”

“That book had damn well better be back on my shelf by the time my shift is over.”

“Hey, where you put your personal belongings is no business of mine, girlie.”

Her frown grew into a scowl and she stabbed him in the forearm with the local, taking probably an unhealthy amount of satisfaction from his surprised howling.

“Hey! Shit! What the heck?!”

“Don’t have a conniption. It’s just the anesthetic.”

“Friggin’ psycho.”

Abby decided to be the bigger person here and ignore that one. Instead she slipped her glasses on and busied herself cleaning the area around his wound. An almost perfect bilateral laceration across his right palm. Her head tilted as she studied it. “I didn’t know you were left-handed.”

“Who said I was?”

“You were holding the sharpener in your right hand, weren’t you?”

“So?”

“So wouldn’t you usually hold it in your non-dominant hand?”

“What’re you? A cop?”

Good lord. Was he even capable of a simple bland exchange? “There’s no shame in being a southpaw.”

“I ain’t ashamed of nothin’.”

“Some of the best people were.”

“Sure.”

“Einstein, for one. Helen Keller, Da Vinci, Lewis Carroll, Marie Curie, Mozart.”

He snorted, “Poindexters.”

“Babe Ruth, Neil Armstrong, Mark Twain, Ty Cob, Henry Ford, Julius Caesar, _ Alexander the Great.” _ She sniffed primly at him, “Or are you going to tell me one of the greatest military minds ever in the history of the  _ world _ was a _ Poindexter?” _

Butch put his elbow on the table and set his chin in his other hand, “Babe Ruth? Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Huh.” His eyes watched her hands as she tidied the work space and got her stitching supplies in order. “Yeah, I’m a lefty.”

“There. Was that so hard to admit?”

“You don’t think it’s weird?”

“Why would it be weird?”

He shrugged, “I dunno. It’s different.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being different.”

“Heh. Yeah, try telling that to the Overseer.”

Abby laughed quietly, “Don’t be too loud. If somebody hears you, they’ll haul you straight to the gulag.”

“I ain’t scared of nobody down here.” He leaned back and yelled loud enough that it echoed out of the clinic and down the hallway, _“The Overseer can suck my shorts!”_

“Butch!”

“What?” He grinned at her, “What’s he gonna do?”

“I’m sure I don’t want to know.”

“Pssh. He can’t do nothin’. He’s all talk and no action.”

He sounded confident, but having comforted Amata through several unreasonably harsh punishments and groundings through the years, she wasn’t so sure. “I wouldn’t test that theory if I were you. Now, this is a bad place for stitches but I don't think glue or tape is going to be enough. You’re going to have to be extra careful to not tear them after I’m finished.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Abby poked his index finger with her surgical forceps, “Can you feel that?”

“Nah.”

“Alright. I’m going to start the procedure. You may want to look away. It sometimes makes people nauseated to watch.”

“Pfft. Pansies.”

Butch watched her slide the curved needle through his palm and felt his stomach lurch. He decided to focus on something more entertaining and his eyes landed, as they so often did, on her face. She had that serious little line between her eyebrows. The one that always showed up whenever she was concentrating. He loved that line. Once upon a time, he’d spent a whole hour of study hall staring at it. Wondering what she’d do if he tried to kiss it away. When she caught him looking, he’d flipped her off to get her off the scent. Later nailed her right in the doorbell with a paper wad made from the doodle of her he’d done.

Part of him had kinda hoped she’d open it, even though she never had before. Abby always just tossed whatever he launched her way straight into the trash. It probably would’ve been pretty awkward to have to explain why she had a halo of little hearts and stars around her head though. Especially in front of the guys. He was good, but even he wasn’t sure he could spin something as mushy as that into a joke.

That had been just a week before the G.O.A.T., when her studying habits had gone from kinda cute in a dorky sorta way to downright worrisome. He’d noticed her skipping lunches. Too distracted to even snack. Dark circles under her eyes had appeared and grown heavier and heavier by the day. She’d taken to wearing her reading specs all the time. Even managed to go paler than normal. He hadn’t thought that was possible. The almost nonexistent freckles on her nose actually started to stand out for the first time since they were kids.

It had frustrated him to no end to watch her run herself into the ground for a test he was pretty sure she’d ace even if she took it blindfolded. But what could he do, right? It’s not like she’d pay attention to anything he said. Plus, her pops was the doc and she was a daddy’s girl from way back. If he couldn’t get her to take care of herself, nobody could.

He definitely hadn’t meant to kiss her the night before the test. It had been nearly a year since then and he still felt bad about that whole situation. She’d just looked so damn sexy in that stupid outfit the Overseer made all the girls wear to bed. Even with that short robe over it. Long legs exposed and her hair down. Those big, icy green eyes of hers made even bigger by her glasses. She almost looked like a woman from those rags Wally had found in a locked storage closet down in the basement.

The socks and bunny slippers had kinda wrecked it, but everything from the knees up? Top drawer foxy. Still his favorite mental image for when he was entertaining himself. Heck, even sometimes when he was gettin’ sloppy with a roundheels like Susie and needed a little extra motivation to cross the finish line.

That was probably something only an asshole would do, but he’d never claimed to be a saint.

In any case, it had happened and for a second he’d really thought he’d finally chipped through. Her eyes had gone all dark and soft for the first time he'd ever seen. He’d thought he’d made it past all that permafrost she draped over herself. But nope. Not even a little. She’d just been irritated with him. Kept looking at him like she was waiting for the punchline.

He couldn’t fault her for that. Not with how every other interaction they’d ever had had gone. She was scary smart, but she was no psychic. It wasn’t on her if she couldn’t hear all the lovey-dovey crap his brain came up with. He’d never actually got any of it out of his mouth.

It was so easy with the other girls. Tell ‘em they were pretty, get your hands on ‘em, and they’d peel right outta their clothes no problem. Any time he tried getting close to Abby though, he’d get all goofy and stupid. His palms would get sweaty, his tongue would tie itself up in knots. Then he’d get pissed at himself and toss some abuse her way to get past it. In the beginning, he did it because he felt like she was somehow to blame for him losing his cool whenever she showed up. He knew better now.

The truth was, he was in love with Abby Lane. Probably always had been. And love just made people really, really,  _ really _ dumb. He’d watched every romantic movie the vault had to offer. Read all the stupid books. No matter how different the stories were, they always had some guy being a dope the whole damn time. Butch had been watching  _ An American in Paris _ on the TV in his room, yelling at Gene Kelly to just plant one on Leslie Caron like she so obviously wanted him to, when he realized that was him. He was Gene Kelly and if somebody was stuck watching his joke of a life on film, they’d probably be foaming at the mouth by this point over how stupid he’d been this whole damn time.

Shit, even right now. They were alone. The clinic was darkened for the evening. She was in that ridiculously hot nurse’s uniform they made her wear. Shit shouldn’t even be legal with the way it bordered on indecent. He’d heard Doc Lane goin’ at it with the Overseer over it, but the jackass insisted it was the only thing the Vault-Tec dispensary terminal would grant a female trainee in the medical field. The skirt when she was standing only came to the top of her knees. Sitting down, it rode up her thighs in a way that made it very hard to try to maintain a gentlemanly air around her.

She was short as shit, too. He couldn’t even imagine the outfit on a taller dame. Other men would be deliberately injuring themselves left, right and center just to have an excuse to be here if she’d actually kept growing after fifth grade. Kinda like he kept doing now.

Thus far it seemed like he was the only person in the vault (aside from Freddie who’d never have a chance with a happy sock, let alone a real girl) who’d realized Abby was hot and he was very happy to keep it that way as long as possible.

Now was the perfect time to hit her with some of his best lines. She couldn’t very well leave him with a half stitched up hand, now could she? He had her just where he wanted her.

So why couldn’t he get his brain and his mouth on the same page here? Fuck.

Abby glanced up at him and smiled. Apparently his aggravation was making it all the way to his face, and she’d mistook it for a different case of nerves altogether. “It’s okay. I’m already halfway. Just a little longer.”

His heart skipped a few beats and he couldn’t even manage to nod before she went right back to sewin’ skin. Man, he was a schmuck.

Alright. This was dumb. He could totally do this. He’d just talked Gloria Mack into lettin’ him hit it two nights ago, right? And she was gorgeous, married to the second scariest asshole in the vault, twice his age,  _ and _ Susie and Wally’s ma to boot. He’d fucked her right on their goddamn kitchen table and she’d even thanked him for the privilege after.

The girls he usually screwed around with were getting a little stale, so he’d decided to expand his territory into new, uncharted waters. The vault was dullsville and always had been, but it had no shortage of bored, neglected, horny housewives, so why the fuck not? Somebody had to keep morale up around here, right? He was just doin’ his part to keep everybody chipper.

If he could pull that off, then why was this so hard, huh?

He took a deep breath and tried to focus. Start small. Keep it simple, stupid.

“I like your hat.”

“Thanks.” Her eyes never left his hand and she nodded in an absentminded sort of way. “I didn’t pick it out. It’s just what I have to wear until I get a lab coat.”

“It’s cute.”

“Hmm.”

“Always said pink was your color.”

Ah, ha. That one got her. A little of her signature shade seeped into her pale cheeks and her hands stuttered. Pulled a bit but it was worth it.

Her eyes met his briefly before quickly lowering back to her work. “T-thanks.”

“You know what would really sell it though?”

“Hmm?”

“A haircut.”

She stopped stitching altogether and looked up at him with that cute, curious cherub expression on her face. “A haircut?”

“Yeah.” He grinned, “You should stop by and see me sometime. Cut everything up to right about here.” He reached out with his good hand and brushed the pulse fluttering in her neck. “Put in some layers so you get extra bounce outta them curls. Be cute as a button.”

Her eyes were round as saucers for a solid three seconds before suspicion flooded in and she narrowed them. “Yeah, right. I’d just look like Bozo the Clown. Ha ha. Very funny.” She went back to her stitches and he sighed.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“Sure you wouldn’t.”

“That why you haven’t had your ears lowered since I took over for Andy? Cause you think I’ll fuck up your mop?”

She shrugged, “Wouldn’t you?”

“No.”

“Okay.” The flat tone let him know she didn’t believe him for a second.

“It’s gotta be crazy long now, right? Probably full up of split ends and whatnot.”

“I’m perfectly capable of keeping my own hair trimmed, thank you.” She snipped the end of her surgical thread and waggled the tiny shears at him. “See? I’m not so bad with scissors myself.”

“Uh huh.”

“Would you mind sitting here for about a half hour? If there’s going to be a lot of swelling, it should be starting by then. It would save me a trip to check up on you later.”

“Sure.” It was out of his mouth before he could even process what she said and he immediately scowled at himself. If he’d said no, he coulda had her right at his door. On his literal home turf. Sonofabitch.

“Alright. I’ll clean this up and get you some hydrocortisone cream for later. It’s probably going to be itchy while it heals. You can apply it  _ around _ the wound but not directly over it. Do you understand? That’s important.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

“Okay.” She quickly had everything back on its tray and stood. “I’ll get your paperwork finished while you wait. Would you like me to turn the radio on so you don’t get bored?”

“Nah, it’s fine.” He waved her off and grumbled to himself as she walked away. Man, he was blowing it here. Again. Butch stared down at the tiny, perfect stitches across his palm. “This gonna scar?”

“It shouldn’t. Not so long as you take care of it and try to not use that hand until it heals.”

“Hmm.” He wouldn’t mind a scar like this one though. Be a permanent reminder that she’d once willingly held his hand for a straight twenty minutes.   


Or was that pathetic?

“I don’t get a lollipop or nothin’? I was a good patient, right? I feel like I should get somethin’.”

Abby turned on the decontamination chamber and dumped in the used equipment for sterilization. “We have some but I usually only give them out to children.”

He pouted and turned on the puppy dog eyes that had Mrs. Mack unzipping her vault suit for him. “Pwetty pwease?”

“Ugh.” She took her glasses back off and shook her head, “Alright, fine. Just… don’t use that voice. It’s bizarre.”

His pout turned real and he all but snatched the sucker out of her hand when she brought it over. “You’re too kind, Doc. People’ll say we’re in love.”

“Ha, yeah.”

He shoved the candy into his mouth and watched her skirt sway as she crossed the room. She sat back at her little desk, checked her glasses in the light before popping them back on her face and started busily scribbling notes in his file. Humming cheerfully to herself like he wasn’t even in the room at all.

Something had to be done here. He had to think of some way to get through to her. Any other chick woulda picked up on it by now, right? He had no idea how somebody so smart could be so damn thick-headed when it came to basic human impulses. Fuck. He hadn’t even insulted her or nothin’ and she was still treating him like he was radioactive.

“What about a kiss?”

Her head immediately came up, “I beg your pardon?”

“I saw you give that Holden brat a smooch on the cheek when he was in here.”

“Timmy is five and had a broken leg, Butch. He was traumatized.”

“Maybe I’m traumatized, too.”

She smirked, “Well, that’s probably true but I highly doubt one kiss is going to fix it for you.”

Butch grinned at her, “You offerin’ more, angel? That’s pretty fast for you, ain’t it? I knew it was just a matter of time before you --”

“Cut the gas, DeLoria.” Her eyes went to her Pipboy, “You’ve only got twenty minutes left. Can’t you just sit there quietly with your candy and stop bothering me while I’m trying to work?”

“Damn. The ice queen cometh, huh? Rude.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of this childish back and forth?”

“Don’t you?”

“Yes, actually. I do.”

“Pfft.” He turned his head to glare out the window so he didn’t say something he’d regret and was kind of surprised to find her looking at him when he’d cooled off enough to glance back over at her. “What?”

She laced her fingers together on top of the desk in an almost identical way her pops usually did whenever he was about to try to impart some hackneyed words of wisdom. “You know, Butch, you won’t be young forever.”

“So?”

“So don’t you think it’s about time you got a little more serious about your future?”

“Whatcha mean?”

“Well, it’s just… this past week alone, I’ve had _four_ separate ladies stop by here asking about VD tests.” Her head tilted and the look she hit him with was weirdly indulgent. Kinda looked like Old Lady Palmer whenever she snuck him a sweet roll. He didn’t like it on Abby though. “Now, I know it’s only natural for a young man to want to sow a few wild oats --”

“Why are you talkin’ like somebody’s mother? You’re a year younger than me.”

“-- but you’re getting around the age when most people in the vault start pairing off. So you might want to start narrowing your choices down or you could find yourself alone in a few years time with nary a field in sight, if you take my meaning.”

Her eyes were so fucking serious. Like she was trying to save his life or something. “Why don’t you start narrowing your choices, then, huh? Maybe you should worry less about my love life and a little more about your own.”

“Oh, don’t be silly.” She scoffed and went back to her paperwork. “I don’t have a love life and I’m not planning on having one.”

_ “What?!” _

Abby looked up and blinked at him, seemingly surprised. “What what? Why are you… goodness, Butch, you’re practically purple. Why are you so upset?”

He sputtered, “Just… that… you can’t just not ever… I mean,  _ never? _ Never ever?”

“That’s right. Never ever.”

“What about kids?”

“Oh. That.” She shrugged, “When I turn thirty, I’ll just have the computer match me with the best genetic match and then artificially inseminate myself.”   


“What?!”   


“That’s always been the plan.”

“Always been the…” Butch felt like his brain was about fried. “Who’s plan?!”

“My plan, obviously.”

“So this ain’t your old man or the Overseer --”

“Of course not.” She chuckled, “Believe me, if my father had his way, I’d have been going steady with somebody since I was twelve.”

So it was all her then. Not some weird protective dad bullshit that she’d internalized or the Overseer trying out some new breeding experiment and needing a test subject. This was just her.

Or shit, was it? Was this  _ his _ fault? He’d been harassing her for years and years, hadn’t he? Maybe he’d given her some kinda aversion to men or something.

“So, you uh… you never just wanted to be with somebody?”

“In what way?”

Christ. “In the romantic way.”

“Oh.” She pursed her lips thoughtfully, “No, I don’t think I have.”

Fuck. This was feeling more and more like his fault. She only ever played with Amata and the other girls when she was little. Her only interaction with boys had come from him. He'd made sure of that with all the stupid pranks that he employed to get her attention. Sticking gum in her hair or tying her shoelaces together. Breaking the lead in her pencils and tripping her in the halls and shit.

No wonder she’d never thought about cuddling up with anybody. She was always on guard for the next suckerpunch, wasn’t she? He’d done that. It really was all his fault. He’d mocked her for ages over being an ice queen, but he’s the one who put her on that throne.

Now the thing was figuring out how to undo eighteen years of conditioning, right?

Instinct said step one was closing the physical distance between them. Starting right now. Butch glanced down and flipped the brake off on the table his hand was still sitting on before kicking both himself and it across the room. The stool’s wheels glided easily and he laughed when it spun him once before he came to a stop with a bang against her desk.

He hit her with his most potent charming smile, “Hiya, cutie.”

“Now what are you doing?”

“I was lonely over there.”

“Uh-huh.”

She was back to scribbling notes. Neat, compact handwriting that stood out in stark contrast to the chicken scratch of the doc. It was probably sappy as fuck but he was really into the idea of her words in his chart.

“So that’s my official file and all?”

“Yes.”

“Does it tell ya how jacked I am?”

“I… it has all your measurements from your last physical, I’m sure.”

“Get you all hot and bothered seein’ them numbers?”

“I only checked your weight so I’d know how much anesthetic to use.”

“Oh. Right.” Maybe a direct approach? “Ya know, they’re showin’  _ Dial M for Murder _ in the atrium this Friday night. Supposed to be set up like one of those old drive-ins.”

“M’hmm.”

“Probably be fun. Kinda romantic.”

“Yes, that’s the idea. It’s part of the repopulation efforts. They’re dimming the lights, playing ambient background noises and setting up little private cubbies for couples.”

“Ambient noises? Like what?”

“Oh… I think it’s crickets and the like? Some pre-war holo. I’m not really sure. There was a big meeting about it a few weeks ago. My father was in attendance.”

“Huh. Bet he really wants you to go, don’t he?”

“He’s mentioned it a few times.”

“So are ya?”

“Am I going?”

“Yeah.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Well, one, for the second time, I have no interest in that stuff. Two, I have more important things to do than engage in communal mating practices.”

“Oh, yeah? Whatcha doin’ instead?”

“I have an experiment running involving a rather delicate fungus. It’s at a very critical stage and needs a lot of attention right now. So I will be monitoring --”

“Watchin’ mushrooms grow. That’s what you think is better than neckin’.”

“Correct.”

“Pfft.”

She flipped his folder shut and switched on the monitor next to her, “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but we do offer reproductive counseling here at the clinic.”

“Reproductive counseling?” He snickered, “Pretty sure I don’t need some egghead tellin’ me where to stick it. Thanks though.”

“No, of course not. I’m aware you have a high rate of success when it comes to sexual conquests.”

“Uh…” She said it all matter-of-fact like but it almost sounded like she was calling him a slut there.

“You no doubt have the pick of the litter as far as partners goes, what with how popular you are and all. What I was going to offer was a sensible, unbiased way for you to pick a mate. Maybe make your final decision a little easier to reach?” She smiled in a practiced, professional kind of way. “It would be very gratifying to see you settled down, Butch. And you do have lovely eyes and good bone structure. Your children would probably be very attractive so long as your partner is compatible.”

Man, just rip a guy’s heart right out, why don’t you? Then again…

“You like my eyes?”

She stared right at him and even with that slightly bored, ‘I’m just doing my job’ look on her face, his heart kicked it up a notch. “Yes, of course. They’re objectively pretty.”

“Oh. Thanks. Yours are uh… objectively pretty, too.”

“Thank you. I have my mother’s eyes.”

Abby went back to watching the monitor and he sighed irritably. Even a direct compliment just bounced right off her like a rubber ball on a wall. What the hell was he supposed to do here?

“Okay, the program’s all booted up. Would you like to see who your best genetic match is?”

He shrugged and set his chin in his hand, “Sure.” This was boring as shit but at least he got to sit here next to her. That was somethin’.

“Alright! Let’s just see who the lucky lady is…” She cheerfully typed in a few commands. “And…” The computer dinged. “There!”

Butch glanced over when she abruptly fell silent and frowned. “What? What’s wrong? It ain’t that kook, Beatrice, is it?” She’d invited him into her room once but just made him sit there for two hours while she shuffled through her stupid tarot cards.

She swallowed thickly, “It’s um… it’s… you know what? Science can’t  _ really _ quantify something as rare and unique as the bond required for --”

“Holy shit. It’s you, ain’t it?”

“I - I uh, now, it’s just --”   


He leaned over so he could read the screen and sure as shit, there was her name. Right next to his. Like it was goddamn destiny. “Ha!”

“Oh. Yeah. Ha. It’s funny, isn’t it? Yes. Yes, it’s very funny. Ha ha.” She nodded and quickly switched the screen off. “Well, I think it’s definitely been a good half hour. Your hand looks great so… you’re free to go. Just have you sign the discharge papers and --”

“Nah, nah, nah. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and scooted both her and her chair closer to him. “Not without my best gal.”

“Butch, really, this is silly. You’re being ridiculous.”

_ “I’m _ being ridiculous?  _ You’re _ the one tryin’ to fight fate.”

“It’s not fate.”

“Science, then. I thought you really believed in science, sweetheart. Isn’t that what you were always squawking about back when we were kids?”

“Yes, well, we aren’t kids anymore --”

“Yeah, that’s an advantage here, ain’t it?”

“-- and while I know you had a lot of fun at my expense back in the day, that day has passed. Surely. So, if you could just --”

“Come on, just one little smooch.”

“No, thank you.”

“Aw.” He pouted at her and her stubbornly averted face before he put his mouth right by her ear and whispered. “Don’t you wanna do some experimenting and find out just how compatible we really are?”

“No, I do not!”   


“I bet our babies are gonna be gorgeous.”

“That’s…” She frowned and finally looked up at him, “Listen, Butch.”

“Yeah, kitten?”

“When the time does come, you will be  _ reasonable _ about things, won’t you?”

“What?”

“Well, in twelve years, when I ask you for a… a sample, you aren’t going to make things difficult, are you?”

“Baby, you can have a sample right now.”

“No! That’s… you see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”

“Come with me on Friday.”

“Where?”

“To the movie, dumb-dumb. I’m askin’ you out.”

_ “Why?” _

“What do you mean, why?!”

“What do  _ you _ mean?! This has to stop!” She shot up out of her chair and he almost flipped off his stool. “I am tired of you teasing me all the time! I have  _ been _ tired of it for years! Why are you always such a jerk? What’d I ever do to you, huh? I can’t remember a single moment of my life that I wasn’t afraid of you and angry about it! I thought once we were out of the classroom I wouldn’t have to put up with it anymore, but now you’re just showing up here every other day, bothering me at work!” She gestured angrily at the room around them, “I have a very important job! I don’t have time to deal with your juvenile antics! So,  _ please, _ get out and leave me alone!”

Butch stared up at her. The angry red flush in her cheeks and the tears in her eyes. She was so worked up she was even panting a little. Still beautiful though, even when pissed. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, right. Sure you are. Just get out, please. Jonas works tomorrow morning. If you have a problem with your hand, try to come in during his shift, okay? Just leave me out of it.” She crossed her arms and pointedly stared out the open door.

He ducked his head and frantically tried to come up with a way to save this but none of the movies he’d binged had a solution for erasing almost two decades of self-sabotage and general dickishness.

“Abby… do you hate me?” When she didn’t answer he chanced a peek up and was surprised to see she was staring at him. “What?”

“That’s the first time you’ve ever used my name.”

“What? No, that’s… that can’t be right.” Surely not. He said it in his head a thousand times a day and had filled endless notebooks with it. How had it never slipped out?

“Well, it is.”

Shit. “Oh.” He managed a lopsided smile, “I dunno why I asked that. Of course you hate me. Why wouldn’t you, right?” He scooted away from her before standing. Didn’t want to crowd her and give her any more of a reason to be afraid. “I’ll uh… I’ll just see myself out.”

He was halfway to the door when she spoke, “I don’t hate you.”

Butch stopped and turned back to her, “Hey, no, it's alright. You don’t gotta do that. I’m already discharged, right? Not your patient anymore. You don’t have to pretend.”

“I’m not pretending. I don’t hate you. I don't hate anybody. I just…” She shrugged and looked away. “You were always so much bigger than me and it was scary. I was always scared whenever I wasn’t here or at home. My whole life has always revolved around avoiding you because I don’t want to get hit or teased or whatever. I don’t eat in the cafeteria. I don’t go swimming. I haven’t bowled since you poured that milkshake on me...”

“Milkshake?”

“Chip’s birthday. I think we were around fourteen.”

“Oh.” Right. He remembered that day. She’d shown up with Amata and they’d been giggling together at how bad they both were at bowling. It was so rare to see her laughing like that and he couldn’t help but stare. Then Paulie had caught him and he had to cover his interest like always. It had become second nature by that point. “You were really pretty that day.”

“Yeah, everybody looks swell covered in chocolate malt.”

“No, I mean, you had that ribbon in your ponytail. It was blue.”

Abby frowned, “How do you remember that?”

Probably because he still had that ribbon in a shoebox under his bed along with all the other treasures he’d stolen from her over the years. “I dunno.”

“Look, I know it’s considered normal for boys to pick on girls when they’re little. My father told me that all the time. That one day we’d grow up and you’d stop. So I’m not looking for you to apologize for all that, I just… I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. We’re stuck down here together, right? Why can’t we just… I dunno, ignore each other like grown-ups?”

“I could never ignore you.”

She sighed and rubbed circles over her temples like he'd given her a migraine. “Okay. Great. That’s… that’s just great. Thanks for that.”

“No, you don’t --”

“You can leave now, Mr. DeLoria, or I can hit the security button and they can make you leave. Your choice.”

“Just listen for a second!”

“I am on my way to the button.” She started walking back to her father’s office. “I will hit it in five… four… three…”

“Shit.” He took off and was halfway back to his shop before he realized he hadn’t grabbed that stupid cream she’d set aside for him. There was no way in hell he was going back for it now.

The girl of his dreams thought he was a grade A asshole and he couldn’t blame her.

He could only blame himself.

Butch managed to stay away from her for a whole three days before he found himself skulking around the clinic again. His hand was fine. Or mostly fine. Felt a bit tight and itchy but he was pretty sure that was normal. Saturday had finally come and Abby had been right. He’d had his ‘pick of the litter’ for dates. Not that he _actually_ had much of a choice. Not really. Susie had been about ready to claw Janice’s eyes out over it and now that Wally was following in his dad’s footsteps both in vocation and general assholery, he decided to make the smart choice there.

He’d left her in their weird little cubby though. Just for a bit. Amata referred to them as ‘breeding boxes’ outside the Overseer’s earshot and he could see why. He’d never felt more like a lab rat in his life than when they’d been escorted by a creepily smiling Officer Wilkins to their designated spot. He was pretty sure he wasn’t gonna have a boner for at least a week after that jerk had winked at them as they settled in. It was fuckin’ gross how into this shit all the older adults were, in his opinion. Unnatural even.

Or maybe the guy was just happy Butch had turned his daughter down. Who the fuck knew?

In any case, he’d made the excuse that he had to hit the john and slipped down to the clinic instead. Abby was by herself inside, sitting at a table. Staring intently at a bunch of little round pods full of what looked a lot like barf to him. Every once in a while she’d nod to herself and jot a note down. He had no idea what the fuck she was doing but this must be her super important experiment she’d been goin’ on about.

He’d spent the last three days going over every single interaction he could remember them having. Even digging out journals from way back to refresh his memory. Reading the entry about that birthday party made him realize he probably viewed their history a little rosier than she did. There was no mention of the milkshake at all. Just five pages of how pretty she’d been and how her laugh had made him tingle all over and then another couple of pages of really bad poetry about it.

There was no way in hell the words strawberry and flurry rhymed. He had no idea what the hell he’d been thinkin’ with that one.

But yeah, no, the point was, there was no milkshake in his version of events.

He’d always known he was kind of a jerk, and knew he made her life harder than the other girls. There had been moments where his need to have her eyes on him and him alone just overrode everything else in his brain. He’d wanted to do nice things for her though. He really had. Carry her books or give her his pudding cup at lunch or whatever. But his buddies were always there with him. Always snarking on her and watching him like hawks.

Shit, even that day they’d taken the G.O.A.T., he’d had to spend an hour convincing Wally he wasn’t secretly sweet on her. That he’d snapped at him because he didn’t want him getting Brotch all worked up and protective before Butch could prank her. He’d told him he’d had way bigger plans than just tripping her, but he’d ruined them. Then he’d had to pretend to be mad at the guy for a few days. Pouted like he’d really blown something epic there.

It felt a little silly and stupid then but a year out he felt like a complete and utter dumbass for all that.

He should’ve been brave. Climbed up on Brotch’s desk and declared his love right there in front of everybody. That’s what Brando woulda done. Sinatra, too. Hell, even old Gene Kelly had managed to suck it up there at the end and tell that French broad how he really felt.

Couldn’t do that now though. Not as an adult living in reality. What might’ve been seen as passionate and almost cute on a kid would just be viewed as crazy and probably stalkerish on an eighteen year old man. He felt like he'd kinda missed his window for grand proclamations.

So instead he’d decided to try a gentler approach.

Abby hated him. Even if she said she didn’t, she did. Nobody could live in terror of somebody their whole life and feel any different and he knew that better than anyone. She’d been scared of him right from the jump cause he'd terrorized her like King Kong going after Fay Wray when they were squirts. He’d always viewed their physical differences as something kinda cute. She was so petite and tiny, like a little fairy or somethin’, and he’d always been taller, stronger, faster. In his head, they fit that whole princess in a tower and her loyal, badass knight thing perfect. He’d been too caught up in his own fantasy to see he was really more the dragon in the story.

The night before, after work, he’d watched  _ Knights of the Round Table, Ivanhoe, _ and  _ Son of Ali Baba. _ So he was pretty sure he had courtly manners towards ladies down now. They liked it when you gave them stuff, showered them in compliments, and protected them from the bad guys and whatever. Seemed simple enough. The ones in the movies also liked hearing long, sappy speeches about undying love, but he doubted anything he said on that subject to Abby would get through at this juncture in their relationship. First, he needed to soften the beaches a bit.

He took a deep breath, put on the tame, nonthreatening smile he’d practiced in the mirror this morning, and knocked on the door frame.

She jumped and turned towards him, a frustrated huff leaving her when she realized who it was. “Yes? What do you want?”

“I uh… can I come in?”

“Is this a medical emergency?”

“I just um…” Yeah, this was going nowhere fast. He stepped into the clinic and held up the offering he’d brought. “I thought, since you’re missing out on the movie and all, that I’d bring you some provisions. It ain’t Hitchcock, and I don’t really get it, but you seemed real interested in watching your fungus there, so… I brought you some popcorn and cotton candy.”

“Oh.”

He turned a bit so she could see the bottle sticking out of his jacket pocket. “And a Nuka. I know you’ve got a sweet tooth.”

Abby got up and walked over, staring at the snacks in his hands. “What’s the joke?”

“Huh?”

“You did something to it, right?” She sighed, “Ugh, it’s spit in the popcorn, isn't it? You know, you shouldn’t waste food like that.”

“What? No! Of course not!”

“Cough on it?”

“I would never! I know how you are about germs and shit.”

“That never seemed to stop you from spitting on me in the past.”

“Yeah, I… I know.” He tried to look as earnest as he possibly could, “I’m sorry about all that. I know you said you weren’t lookin’ for an apology, but you’re gettin’ one anyway. I was a little snot to you the whole time we were kids and I can’t really explain why I was, but I’m still sorry.” That wasn’t entirely true. He knew exactly why he’d been such a butt, but he wasn’t about to tell her yet. She’d probably section him for a psych evaluation or something if he did.

“Oh.”

Butch held out the snacks and smiled when she hesitantly took them. “I get it if you don’t wanna be friends or whatever, but I’m tryin’ to show you that you don’t gotta be afraid of me anymore, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you again. I promise. Hand to God.”

"That's... nice of you." She still looked a little leery, but took the snacks to her table. "Thank you."

He followed and set the Nuka down, too. "So how's uh... whatever this is?" Even up close it looked like she was setting up to watch a dozen pods of puke.

"It's going okay so far. The second strain of antibiotics seems to be growing well, despite my issues with the temperature." She scowled at a nearby contraption that had a bunch of lights on it. "The gauge on my original grow box completely fizzed out and I still have no idea why, but it didn't set it back much. Thankfully. I think it was only off for maybe an hour."

"Oh, yeah. That's swell. It woulda been a pain if it had janked up the whole thing, right?"

"Right. I'd have to start over from scratch. Months of work just gone."

"Damn."

She glanced over at him and chuckled, "You do know I know you have no idea what I'm talking about, right? I remember you snoring through biology."

"Ha, yeah. All this science stuff's beyond me. I think it's neat, though, that you get it. I mean, you're doing really important stuff, right? Big stuff. This crap will probably save us all someday. You'll be like that doctor. Uh... what's his name? We watched that filmstrip about him?"

"A filmstrip?"

"Yeah, that guy who saved all those kids and didn't even care about gettin' paid."

"Dr. Salk."

"Right!"

"Polio vaccine."

"Yeah." He smiled at her. "I always thought that sounded like something a dope, uh... I mean, a person like you would do."

Her eyes narrowed just a bit but then a small giggle escaped her.  _ "Wow. _ You're really trying here, huh?"

Butch scratched the back of his head, "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to a dope like me."

"Oh, ha ha. Come off it. You know you're the smartest jerk in this dump."

"That's like being queen of a molehill."

He laughed, "I was gonna say Trash Mountain, but yeah."

Abby tapped her PipBoy, "Isn't there some place you're supposed to be? It's rude to keep a lady waiting, you know."

"Well, lucky for me, Susie Mack ain't no lady."

He was pretty sure another giggle almost made it out at that. Almost. The way she bit her lip and stared at her shoes had him grinning. Making her smile was way better than pissing her off. He should've done this ages ago.

"I um… I really need to get back to my work."

"Oh, right. Right, my bad. Gotta keep an eye on your mushrooms at all times. Yeah, I've heard they're crafty." She snorted before clapping a hand over her mouth and he kept going. He wanted to hear her laugh the way she had that day with Amata. "Like that one right there." Butch pointed at one at random. "He's got them, whatcha call 'em, criminal inclinations. I can tell."

Abby finally burst out laughing, almost doubling over as it tumbled out of her. "I bet - I bet you can!"

He laughed with her, "Yeah, it takes one to know one, right? You might wanna quarantine him before he infects the others. One bad apple, ya know?"

"Oh, my God! I am totally going to! Daddy'll be so confused!" She finally managed to come back upright and beamed at him, eyes all sparkly and that beautiful pink back in her cheeks. "You are so funny! When did that happen?"

"Heh, well, you know, guy's gotta have some talents, right? One of mine's makin' pretty girls smile." And he should probably get out of here before he went too far like he usually did and either offended her or scared her somehow. "I'll be seein' ya, alright? Just lemme know if any of those fungus-faces gives you trouble. I'll come in here and bust some heads."

She started giggling again and nodded, "Okay. I'm sure they'll behave now. They're probably shaking in their nutrient paste at the very idea."

"They will be if they know what's good for 'em."

The image of her laughing at his dumb jokes got him through the stupid movie. Susie was getting so fucking clingy lately. Talked of absolutely nothing but pins and promise rings and shit. He managed to get out of anything beyond second base by using his injured hand as an excuse, but that just meant she kept cooing over him and trying to baby him. Hand feeding him gumdrops like he couldn't even manage that on his own.

By the time the credits rolled, he was more than ready to call it an early night.

It was kind of out of the way, but he still managed to double-back and swing by the clinic. Just to make sure nobody else was bothering Abby or her experiment, of course. The door was locked though. She'd already gone to bed. The only light in the room came from her little gizmo designed to keep mushrooms happy in dim, red light. They looked, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same as the last time he'd seen them, so he was pretty sure this was really all just some big excuse she'd manufactured to get outta Date Night.

There was one difference though. On one of the balls near the top. It now sported a piece of striped yellow tape. A goddamn warning label. She'd really done it. Butch let out a bark of laughter, startling himself with how loud it was in the quiet hall before he scurried off to his quarters.

For some reason, that night, despite not getting laid and all the aggravation he'd suffered through for it, he slept better than he had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote out of "Civil Disobedience and Other Essays" by Thoreau.
> 
> The book Butch totally *didn't* steal from Abby's room is "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". LOL


	3. We Must Cultivate the Science of Human Relationships

**_July 2279_ **

Say what you will about the wasteland, but at least it had proper weather.

Abby tilted her head up and closed her eyes, soaking up the early morning sunshine after hopping off the connecting bridge that separated Rivet City from the rest of the capitol. Stretching a bit to get the last of the kinks out from sleeping wedged between a steel wall and a ten year old boy.

There was a pleasant breeze coming in from the Atlantic today that did a fine job of making everything smell a little more like salty sea spray and a little less like decay. It was actually not already boiling for once, despite being mid-July, which hopefully meant maybe the temperature would stay below ninety today.

And even if it didn’t, she was headed home, where she could make it whatever temperature she wished.

Having her very own thermostat was still something of a novelty for her. Oh, sure, they’d had one in their vault quarters and all, but Stanley had told her none of them were real. There was only  _ one _ working thermostat in Vault 101 and it was in the Overseer’s office. The ones in people’s homes were just there to keep everyone from complaining and to give them a sense of control over their surroundings. The psychology of it was pretty solid, if you were dealing with monkeys and not human beings. Having had the singular displeasure of personally conversing with Dr. Braun, who was responsible for all the vault experiments, she was betting he never really could tell the difference in the first place.

In the old days, if you could call eighteen months ago the old days, she’d dreaded the hike between Rivet City and Megaton. Endless subway tunnels and ferals every two steps. Super mutants around every corner. She’d usually traveled with caravans to stay safe back then.

Luckily, after making friends with Grandma Sparkle down by the wharf, she had her very own motorboat to circumvent all that hassle. Came in very handy. Now whenever she wanted to visit, all she had to do was walk from Megaton to the wharf, hop in her little sea scooter and zip on over. It was almost as handy as the dirt bike Tinker Joe had found for her.

If only her daddy could see her now. He would have had a heart attack watching her climb onto something as dangerous as a Dream, but it’s not like she could outrun most things out here. Her shooting had improved quite a bit thanks to Sarah’s intensive mandatory training, but Abby still preferred nonviolent solutions whenever possible. If the choice was shoot something or run, she usually ran unless others were in danger.

She’d already dealt with more than enough death for one lifetime.

There were still so many things to get done on the calendar for this month. Including a visit to Lamplight, which was always the highlight of any week. She had a sack of toys and games stashed at her house so big she wasn’t completely sure she could get them all there in one trip. MacCready had been eyeballing her bike pretty hard the last time she was out that way, though. Maybe she’d split the load and ask for his help bringing in the second batch. Get him away from the other kids so he could take a turn in the driver’s seat without potentially wiping out in front of everybody.

For a boy of only fourteen, he sure acted like he had a full-grown man’s ego sometimes. She’d tried telling him it was actually a good idea to let the other kids see him occasionally fail at things so they’d know it was okay for them to fail, too, but oh no. The great and powerful Mayor MacCready had to remain infallible and unbeatable in all things or, according to him, absolute anarchy would erupt in Little Lamplight.

She was pretty sure he just didn’t want to risk embarrassing himself in front of Miss Lucy, but that was his business. If he wanted to strut around in front of his constituents like some silly caricature of masculinity, that was fine. She just liked him better when he was off the clock was all. When he was just RJ and not the mayor. The boy under all that bluster and filthy language was actually a sweetheart and she was really hoping he stayed that way.

The years of adolescence were so  _ very _ important to the development of a person’s psyche.

Abby made her way down the ramp slowly, watching the ship from the corner of her eye just in case a certain someone burst from it to give chase. Speaking of adolescent boys, seeing Butch again was… nice, she supposed, but she definitely did not want to be there whenever he finally woke up. Especially if he was serious about that whole catching up idea. She was glad he’d left the stifling environment of the vault and all. She truly was, but he had acted like they were old bosom pals or something and that was just… weird.

It was  _ weird, _ is what it was. It was true that he’d started to make an effort there at the end of her career as a vault resident, but there were still eighteen years of torture she just couldn’t get over. She’d liked the man he was growing into, but to actually be  _ friends? _ Friends with someone like Butch DeLoria? Absurd.

She’d seen him a few times when Amata had called her back, but he hadn’t spoken to her nor she to him. Just a simple nod of acknowledgement and he’d tossed her a wave and that was it. Acquaintances. Which was perfectly fine with her. She bore him no ill will. She just didn’t care to have him around her.

Especially now, when she was still working through the grief and anger over losing her father and trying to figure out exactly who she really was and who she was going to be. She just felt so lost lately. When she’d gotten that distress call begging her to return, she’d actually held out hope that maybe things could somehow go back to how they were. The vault still needed a doctor, and with Jonas and her father gone, she was the only officially trained candidate remaining. She’d hoped Amata would be sensible about things and let her stay. Even if returning had felt a little more like walking into an open coffin than coming home. It was still familiar and safe. Comforting in a nostalgic sort of way.

But no. That wasn’t meant to be. It didn’t matter that she’d spent her entire life working so very hard to be someone who would make a difference there. All that studying and experimenting and preparation. None of it mattered in the end. It had all just been a colossal waste of time. They’d rather have an unqualified Mister Handy dismembering people and killing residents than have her living among them. Dwelling on the injustice of it all wouldn’t change the fact that half the vault despised her for her father’s actions, and the other half had never liked her to begin with. She’d always been the odd man out.

The wasteland was hard, no doubt, but it at least offered acceptance for who she was. Nobody forced her to wear a dress if she didn’t want to. No one cared if she did anything with her hair or wore makeup. There were no constant reminders to be ladylike. Whatever that meant. People here didn’t expect her to shove everything she was so far down that she couldn’t even feel anything anymore.

In the vault, she’d been little Miss Abby Lane. Daughter of Doctor Lane. Best girlfriend of Amata. A mother-in-waiting. Her whole life had been swaddled in pink bunting and drowned in lip gloss and skirts.

But out here? Out where freedom reigned supreme? To most people she was just Doc. Abracadabra. The person who pulled off miracles and magically got things done. The Lone Wanderer. Scientist, explorer, traveling doctor and, as Star Paladin Cross put it, a merc with a heart of gold. A Brotherhood  _ Knight, _ not a  _ princess. _

Looking like a girl didn’t suck quite as bad out here was the thing. Because the girls were different. Women were different. You had some who still adhered to all that rigid pre-war gender crap, sure, but most people were just  _ people _ first. Nobody cared if you had breasts so long as you could get the job done. People didn’t see you coming and say things like ‘What can you do? You’re only a girl.’ Though she did occasionally get those comments due to her small stature, but still! That was fine. She understood people’s trepidation about hiring her based on _that._ It made sense to feel a trifle concerned sending a person you assumed was a child to go after a nest of mutants or whatever. It was  _ logical. _

That other stuff? Not so logical. Having a vagina had never interfered with her studies or her work. It was just a thing that she had and dealt with. Not a big deal. 

She’d never felt quite right in the vault standing next to the other girls. Not even with Amata. And she had always assumed it was a difference in discipline or maybe focus or not having a mother that had created that strange division. But she still didn’t really  _ feel _ like a girl out here, either. Not even among brilliant women like Moira and Dr. Li, and not around the other orphans in Lamplight. So maybe she just  _ wasn’t _ a girl. Maybe she wasn’t anything. She hadn’t figured that out just yet, but at least here nobody cared and nobody was going to punish her for having the audacity to question her own existence.

Her boat was exactly where she’d left it, docked right by the ramp. Protected on all sides by the presence of Brotherhood soldiers passing out Aqua Pura to passersby. She nodded at the ones she recognized and pushed off, heading down the Potomac to the wharf. It was early enough that there weren’t many raiders awake to take potshots at her. More than a few mirelurks attempted to give chase though and she laughed at their hopeless swimming. Not that she could do much better but she hadn’t been born to it, now had she? Once the water got over their heads, they were pretty harmless really. Kinda cute, too, until the snapping and clicking started.

She was back home before lunch and, after an hour long scrub down in her shower, accepted a sandwich from Wadsworth before heading up to her lab to start on the stack of orders from various settlements and individuals all across the wastes. Vault-quality chems were in high demand out here, and she was happy to provide so long as they were being utilized for their intended use. Stimpaks for the caravans out of Canterbury Commons, Buffout for the Rivet City security force, Med-X for Doc Church and several of Megaton’s elderly residents, Mentats for Dr. Li’s science crew at the Citadel. It went on and on and on.

Top of the agenda today was working on chewable vitamins for the kiddos in Lamplight. Their reliance on cave fungus to survive was admirable, but as great as mushrooms were (and they definitely were!), they still lacked one or two nutrients growing bodies needed.

She was still trying to make them taste good, was the thing. So far tutti-frutti, grape, orange and banana flavors had all been rejected. Now she was working on a sour lemon on Miss Lucy’s recommendation. Make them something ‘cool’ to take by having them be some kind of bravery test.

That seemed silly, but goodness knew she’d set enough bones in that place to understand how they felt about being fearless and tough. If they wanted a vitamin that _hurt,_ she’d deliver. This particular batch had a bit more citric acid than the last and the tiniest hint of alum powder. Couldn’t use too much of the stuff as it could be used to induce vomiting and even an ounce could kill an adult in the right circumstances. But a few sprinkles added to anything would make your mouth pucker like in one of those old cartoons with negligible side effects.

Abby popped one in her mouth for a taste test and winced as the sharp, tart flavor made her immediately want to spit it out. Tears came to her eyes and she had to fight every instinct she had in order to keep chewing and successfully swallow it down. An entire can of water followed and she made a face after, shuddering at the lingering taste. Godawful stuff.

It was perfect. If they wanted something more powerful than that, she was going to have to really start getting creative here.

There was a knock on the door and she glanced over the loft railing as Wadsworth went to answer it. Probably Moira wanting her to go do more so-called research or maybe Sheriff Sims needed more ointment for his knee. She absentmindedly listened to him lazily going through the motions of being polite as she removed her gloves and smiled at his borderline belligerent tone.

Most people probably wouldn’t appreciate a snarky robot butler, but she’d rather have him than some eager-to-please disaster like Andy in the vault.

“Doctor Lane is  _ very _ busy at the moment, sir. May I take a message?”

“Yeah… you tell her the Butch-man was wonderin’ how the hell she got so damn fast all of a sudden.”

She froze in surprise and then frowned. He sounded winded. Extremely so. Abby got on her knees and hung her head down through the railing to see the door. Even upside-down she could see he was sweating, exhausted. Panting. Red in the face and barely able to stand. What in the world had happened to him?

“Butch. Are you hurt?”

His head snapped up and he smiled when he saw her.  _ “There _ she is. Angel in the eaves. I  _ got _ you. Ha!”

“What are you doing here?”

He tried pointing at her but that overbalanced him and Wadsworth had to intervene so he remained upright. “I told you, kid. We got a lotta catching up to do.”

“Why are you so… sweaty?”

“Ran here. You… you are fuckin’  _ fast, _ you know that? I dunno how you’re doin’ that, but you did it.”

“I’m not fast. I own a boat.”

“A boat. Sonofabitch.”

“You  _ ran _ here from  _ Rivet City?” _

“Yeah.”

“In a black leather jacket. In  _ July?!” _

“Yeah.” He finally managed to stand on his own and swatted the Mister Handy away. “Look. I listened. Took my vault suit off just like you told me to.” He held open his jacket and her eyes went wide at how the white t-shirt beneath was completely soaked through. His jeans weren’t doing much better.

“You need to sit down. Right now. Wadsworth, help him to the couch.”

“Ugh, he’s going to  _ ruin _ the upholstery.”

“I don’t care. Do it, please.”

“At once.”

Abby dashed down the stairs and into the kitchen. There was an entire shelf of cold cans of water in her fridge and she grabbed a few before hurrying into the living room. Wadsworth was helping Butch peel out of his jacket, mumbling the entire time and she gave him an apologetic smile.

“Thanks, Waddy.”

“Of course.” He floated away with the jacket towards the laundry and she turned her focus to helping Butch before he slipped into unconsciousness and she had to start an IV.

“I need you to drink this, okay?” She opened a can and handed it to him, waiting for him to start drinking before sitting on the coffee table, checking his vitals. His respiratory rate was still awfully high. Pulse racing. Definitely overheated and dehydrated. “You’re lucky you didn’t die of heat stroke pulling a stunt like this.”

“Yeah, that’s me. Lucky.”

She laid a hand on his forehead and tutted to herself. His skin was actually gritty with salt. Or maybe it was just dirty. Hard to say without tasting and she certainly wasn’t about to do that. “I want you to drink one more can and then Wadsworth can help you into the shower, okay? We need to get your temperature down.”

He grinned, “Hey, if you want me naked, all you gotta do is ask, sweetheart.”

“I want you not dead in my home. Now stop talking and drink your water.” She opened a second can and traded him once he was finished with the first. “You are a crazy person, just so we’re clear. You could have killed yourself running in this heat.”

“Crazy for you, baby. That’s my whole problem. Always has been.”

Great. Now he was getting loopy on her. Delirium was usually the last stage just before unconsciousness and she inwardly groaned. Wadsworth could get him up the stairs, probably, but she’d have to be the one to bathe him if it came to that.

Please, God, don’t let it come to that.

“Are you dizzy? Do you think you can stand on your own yet?”

“Course I can.” He made an attempt but the way his eyes glazed over as he fell back against the couch had her huffing irritably.

“Wadsworth! A little help, please?”

The Mister Handy’s huff mirrored her own, but he came and hoisted Butch up anyway. “Bathtub?”

“Yes, please.”

“Good.” He floated up the stairs, grumbling all the while. “The last one you let in here didn’t smell nearly as bad, though he certainly looked worse.”

“That’s because ghouls don’t sweat.”

“So this… person is a friend of yours?”

“We grew up in the vault together.”

“An answer that neatly sidesteps the question.”

“Hey, yeah, answer the question.” Butch pouted at her once they reached the upstairs.

Abby sighed, “Can you stand on your own yet? The bathroom’s right through there.” She pointed at the door and frowned at how sad and pathetic he looked. Her memories of him were almost always him smirking. Either confidently or in a malicious sort of way that usually meant shenanigans weren’t far behind. Maybe he was just one of those types who turned truly pitiful when they didn't feel good.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Alright. Good. Wadsworth, will you --”

“Handle the laundry? Yes, of course. I can’t imagine how ghastly this must all be for you. My sensors are positively fried. Never been happier to not have a proper nose in all my life.”

“Okay. Butch, do you have extra clothes in your pack? If not, I have something that will probably do.”

“I got clothes.”

“Oh, good. I’ll go get your bag. Go ahead and take a shower, okay? As cold as you can manage. You’ll feel better.”

“Yeah.” He shuffled into the bathroom and she frowned again at the dejected slump of his shoulders. If he really felt this awful even after sitting down and drinking two cans of water, he might have to stay the night. Which meant she’d be on the couch since she couldn’t very well have a patient sleep there.

She poked her head into her room after handing his bag off to Wadsworth and smoothed the blanket out a bit. Sheets were hard to come by and she didn't personally own any, but he could sleep on top of the quilt and be fine. Since she was there anyway, she made the effort to tidy up her desk a bit, stacking papers and putting away notebooks and pens. She hadn’t had anyone stay over since Charon and that was ages ago.

It wasn’t until she was absentmindedly plaiting her hair into a neater braid that she realized she was nervous. She felt  _ nervous _ having Butch in her home. That was probably to be expected though, wasn’t it? This was supposed to be her sanctuary and now a very potent reminder of everything she’d sought to escape was right in the heart of it. It made her a bit irritated and she stopped herself before she changed out of the cutoffs and tank top she usually wore around the house. Why should she have to change anything? It was  _ her _ house, wasn’t it? And it’s not like he was an invited guest, now was it? He ought to be grateful she didn’t just have Wadsworth toss him right out the door.

The creak of metal on metal let her know he was out and she met him halfway. He was in a different t-shirt and jeans than before. Almost clean. Pretty good actually by wasteland standards.

“You should rest for a bit.”

He jumped at her voice and shook his head, “Nah. I’m… this was probably a real bad idea. I should just go.”

“It’s the hottest part of the day and Wadsworth just started washing your things, so… no. Stay here. Take a nap. Doctor’s orders.”

A ghost of a smile crossed his face, “Yeah, okay.”

Abby put her hand on his forehead again. He was definitely cooler, but he still just looked  _ awful, _ like somebody had shot his dog or something. “Do you feel nauseated or dizzy?”

“No.”

“Shortness of breath?”

“No.”

“Did you get hurt on the way here?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Then what the hell was it? “Come on. I’ve got a place you can sleep.”

“Okay.” Butch followed her and tried to stop feeling sorry for himself. Part of him had wondered if maybe she’d put two and two together and recognize a man literally running through hell to get to her door as the grand romantic gesture it really was, but of course not. The second his feet crossed the threshold, she was acting like he was some kind of invalid. Using that all business doctor tone of hers to keep him at arm’s length. Again.

This was stupid. He was stupid. Worst idea ever.

She came to a stop and he finally looked up. Small room. Bed, desk, filing cabinet. Lots of pre-war posters up on the walls. Some kind of lamp made out of hammered metal with little holes in it that threw dots all over the room. His head tilted up and he realized they were slowly moving.

“What’s with the lights?”

“Oh, it’s… sorry, that’s probably just making it worse, right?” She switched the lamp off and the room became dark, just the light from the hall illuminating it. “There. That’s better.”

“What was it?”

“It’s a constellation projector. I made one for this group of kids I know so they could learn about the stars. This was the prototype. Theirs is much bigger.”

“Huh.”

“Feel free to sleep as long as you’d like. I’ll be in my lab until dinner.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Alright, well… goodnight.”

“Night.” He waited until the door shut behind her before flopping on the bed with a sigh. Went to all that trouble of tracking her down and made a jerk of himself. Again. He’d just panicked when he got up this morning and Vera said she’d already bounced. Felt like a dope for sleeping in past sunrise. Of course she’d be up at dawn. She always had been, even before they could see the sun.

His original plan had been to hang out with her in Rivet City. Maybe grab a bite to eat at Gary’s Galley and pick up the tab. That was a classy, low-key way to show you were a gentleman, right? He’d had this whole big speech planned. Wanted to tell her about how good he was with a rifle now. Show her she wouldn't need to babysit him out there. Then he was gonna offer to walk her home. Carry all her gear the whole way and  _ not _ complain about it. Get her talkin’ about that science junk she was so in love with and try to ask as many questions as possible to show he was really listening.

But that had gone right in the toilet.

Instead, he’d just bolted like some idiot. Ran his ass off until he was seeing spots and hallucinations and shit. That whole last mile, he’d been following a half naked apparition of Abby. Her giggling and skipping along and him smiling like a dope behind her. It was a miracle he hadn’t ended up in a deathclaw nest or something.

Honestly, he’d be at least a little stoked to be in her bed, but that’s where he’d  _ been _ sleeping for the past two years. After the initial wave of disquiet had simmered down in the vault following her departure, he’d claimed the Lane quarters as his own. Told everybody he wanted his own swanky digs and just moved right in.

They hadn’t had time to grab much. He’d noticed most of her books were gone. As was the jewelry box he’d looked through a few times. Not to steal or anything, just to try to get an idea of what she liked so if by some miracle God ever granted him the courage to properly ask her out, he’d know what kinda pin to have ready. But most of it was super old stuff. Her ma’s probably. The few times he’d seen her wear anything that wasn’t issued by Vault-Tec, it was little stupid friendship bracelets she and Amata liked to braid or something in her hair. At prom she’d had on a little gold necklace with a pearl hanging from it. He’d liked it. Reminded him of a mermaid or somethin’.

Her blankets had still been there though, and they smelled like her for weeks after she’d gone. Pillow, too. They’d been his secret comfort when he’d realized just how much smaller the vault was without her, and not just because of all the deaths. The whole place was just stale. Abby had been the only good thing to come outta there and once she’d gone, she’d taken all the goodness with her.

Of course, they hadn’t smelled like her in a long-ass time. He rolled over and stuffed his face in her pillow, breathing deep. Different soap, but under that, she still smelled the same. Warm and bright. It made him think of walking through the arboretum, almost. Calming. Sweet. He’d missed it.

He’d just missed  _ her, _ was the thing. He missed everything about her. Not seeing that face every day had kinda wrecked him way more than he’d thought possible.

She was still cute. No, more than that now. She’d been cute. Now she was gorgeous. Still pale as ice water, but she’d gained about a billion freckles all over. Shoulders, arms, face. That little tank top and those shorty-shorts of hers didn’t leave much to the imagination but he was still wondering just where the freckles stopped exactly. He’d thought she looked good the night before in her wasteland gear but nah. Those bare shoulders of hers about had him drooling.

Which was so dumb. He was like some mook from a thousand years ago gettin’ all hot and bothered over a flash of ankle or something. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what women looked like out of their clothes or anything. It wasn’t a mystery to him, but Abby was and he was dying to solve it.

She was kinda wiry now. Had honest to God muscles in those teeny stick arms. Most of the softness in her figure had been burned away but hot  _ damn, _ that ass more than made up for it. All that walkin’ around and stuff must have helped there. You could bounce a cap off it.

In the vault, she’d been like this delicate little squishy dork. Now she radiated badassery in every conceivable way on top of all that. He’d really thought he’d reached his peak of love for her after pining for two years, but oh no. After seeing her last night and today, he was at a whole other level. Somewhere past Neptune. Abby was a knockout.

He still wasn’t much of a slouch himself, of course, but she was definitely a few leagues above any girl he’d been able to land thus far. Just went to show what excellent taste he had as far as he was concerned. Nobody else had ever even really looked her way but he’d always known she was hot under all the science and glasses and whatever.

Wally and some of the guys had talked about her after she’d left for the second time in a whole different way than before, and he’d gone more than a couple rounds with a few of them for running their mouths on her. Just because she’d been living as an independent woman out in the wasteland didn’t automatically make her a slut. Judging by the way she’d gone ape on him last night when he tried to suss out her status, he was pretty sure she was just as much of a prissy goody-goody now as she’d been back in the day.

If she’d ever been kissed by another guy after him, he’d eat his switchblade.

Actually, that kinda had him worried. She’d told him more than once that she wasn’t into that stuff. Never had been and never saw a need to be. If that were really the case, if she truly just didn’t care about sex and romance and whatever, he was pretty well boned. He was still holding out hope though that her disinterest came from him traumatizing her, as sad as that was. Cause if this was some inborn thing, there’d be nothing he could do. Leopards couldn’t change their spots, right?

Eventually the quiet, comforting sound of her tinkering away and the lingering scent of her surrounding him lulled him to sleep. He didn’t remember dreaming anything, so when he opened his eyes and saw her staring at him from the doorway, he kinda thought maybe he was still asleep.

“Hey, beautiful.”

“How do you feel?”

“Fine.” Not a dream. Dream-Abby would have bounced over to hop on his face by now. Butch sat up and rubbed the sand from his eyes. “Thirsty like a bitch.”

“I figured. Here.” She passed him a water and checked his temperature. “You feel a lot better.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

“M’hmm.” She sat in the chair at her desk and turned on a different lamp. This one was bright and lit up the whole room.

He winced, “Shit, is that a fluorescent bulb? Where the heck did you find that out here?”

“In a hospital. Is it too much? Does your head hurt?”

“Nah, it’s alright just… warn a guy next time.”

“Right. Sorry.” She gave him a small smile and shrugged. “You’re the um… well, I’ve just never had someone else in my room before. I guess I forgot.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t sure if he should be celebrating or terrified.

“If you feel up to the walk, I was going to head down to the Lantern to eat. You’re welcome to join me if you want. We can uh, catch up, I guess.”

It was an obvious pity date but he didn’t care. He'd take whatever he could get. “Yeah! Yeah, just give me a minute to put myself together.”

“Okay.” She stood and motioned towards him. “I’d forgotten you had curly hair, too.”

“Huh?”

“It’s just been so long since I’ve seen it without the pomade. I can remember when we were really little and you had all those curls. It was cute.”

“Oh, yeah?” He ran a hand through his hair and grinned. “I’m still cute now, though, right?”

Abby laughed, just a little. “Sure. You’re just as cute now as you were at four.”

“So are you.”

"Yikes. That bad, huh?” She chuckled and headed out the door, “I’ll wait for you downstairs, okay?”

“Yeah.” He waited until the door was shut before he groaned out loud. He’d forgotten how much shit he’d given her as a kid about her looks. He'd called her monkey-face and butt-head. Dog breath and a few others, but there were probably way worse ones he couldn't even remember that were engraved on her soul.

He’d been trying to tell her that he still thought she looked like an angel. He always had. His ma had this stupid little picture in their bathroom the whole time he was growing up. Two cherubs or somethin’, one with butterfly wings, smoochin’ it up. He’d thought Abby was actually the girl in the painting until he was at least eight. Then he’d seen a picture of it in a book in the library. Painted way back when by some bozo named Bouguereau. Some big French title to the thing, but the translation was  _ Baby Eros and Psyche.  _ He’d shown it to his ma but she’d insisted it was called  _ The First Kiss. _

Either way, the little butterfly kid was a dead ringer for Abby. The guy had done a whole series on the two, and she’d grown up to be, in his opinion, far prettier than the girl in the paintings had. In fact, she’d always reigned supreme as the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. One of his earliest memories was grabbing her by the back of her vault onesie and trying to drag her down the hallway to his room so he could keep her there where he could look at her forever. He couldn’t recall exactly how that plan had turned out, but he was almost a hundred percent sure it was worse on her end than his.

But how the hell was she supposed to know all that if he’d never told her about any of it?

He quickly put his boots on and tucked in his shirt. A quick check in his pocket mirror revealed his hair had indeed dried into a mess of frizzy curls. He grabbed his comb and pomade out of habit, but ultimately decided against using either. Opting instead to rub a bit of oil on his palms and finger combing it through, trying to arrange everything so it looked stylish without trying too hard.

Abby was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. Still in the skimpy shorts and top. He tried to not be too obvious about checking her out, but it was kinda hard keeping his eyes in his sockets from this vantage point. She might not have the biggest knockers around, but what she had was  _ nice. _

She smiled politely at him, "All ready?"

"Yeah! Let's hit it." He jumped down the last few steps to dart in front of her so he could get the door and hold it for her. "Ladies first."

"Oh, that's… alright. Thank you." She gave him a nod and they headed down the main drag.

Seemed like everybody knew and liked her here. People waved and shouted hello like she was some kinda celebrity. Course, she kinda was.

"So you've been livin' here long?"

"I moved in about a week after I left the vault."

"A week?"

"M'hmm."

"How'd you swing that?"

"Oh, I just…" She motioned vaguely towards the massive bomb they were walking past. "You know, helped."

"Helped?"

"Yeah, I um… well, Sheriff Simms doesn't like me talking about it in the open because it's kind of a touchy subject with the Atomites." She leaned a little closer and whispered, "I disarmed the bomb."

"Whoa! No shit?"

"Yup."

"How?!"

"I used to help Stanley in my free time with the vault generators so I knew a little about how that stuff works. It wasn't that hard to figure out."

"Dang. I always knew you were smart, but nuclear physicist smart? That's nuts."

"It wasn't that big of a deal. I just turned the silly thing off. It's not like I could build one."

He held open the door to the Brass Lantern, too, and grinned at her. "I don't really remember you being this modest about that big brain of yours in the vault."

She did not smile back. "It's been a humbling experience living in the wastes. I don't know that I have much pride left in me."

"Oh."

Butch followed her inside and berated himself in his head. He'd only meant to compliment her, not bring her down. She led him over to a table and he would’ve pulled out her chair, but some carrot-top asshole beat him to it.

“Hey, hey! It’s my favorite super hero! How you been, Abs?”

“Good, thanks.”

“How was the trip?”

“Fine. A lot of bloodbugs this time of year.”

“M’hmm. They’ll get ya. You should think about inventing a repellent or something.” He finally seemed to notice Butch and smiled at him, “Well, goddamn! You’re new, right?”

He dropped into his seat and tried to not look as sullen as he suddenly felt. “Yeah.”

“Friend of Abby’s?”

“Leo, this is Butch DeLoria. We grew up in the vault together. Butch, this is Leo Stahl. His family owns the Lantern.”

“Ha! Yeah, which is a nice way of sayin’ _I_ don’t own jackshit.” Leo grabbed his hand and pumped it a few times. “Well, it’s a pleasure! A real pleasure! So what brings you out this way? I know the vault’s been open a while, but we still haven’t had a lot of visitors over here in Megaton yet. You a scout or something?”

“Just here to eat.”

“Oh, right. Sure. I gotcha.” He winked conspiratorially at Abby. “You sure like to run with sparkling conversationalists, Abracadabra. Every magician needs a lovely,  _ silent _ assistant, I guess, right? So you kids want the usual or the special this evening?”

“What’s the special?”

“Oh, Jenny mixed up this new thing. It’s pretty good. I mean, I don’t want to toot our own horn or anything, but it’s tasty. Iguana pot pie. She uses that cave fungus you got for us and some fancy spices. A few veggies and whatnot. It’s pretty dang delicious.”

“That does sound good. I’ll have one. Butch? What would you like?”   


“Iguana whatever is fine.”

“Alright! Two Iguana whatevers comin’ right up! You want Nukas with it or is he an actual grownup?”

“Ha ha. I’ll have a Nuka.”

“Beer.”

“Yup! Be out in a jiff!”

Butch glowered at his back while Abby was busy fiddling with her PipBoy. “He’s awful friendly.”

“M’hmm. Leo’s nice.”

“Hmm… how old is he?”

She finally looked up and tilted her head. “What an odd question.”

“It ain’t odd!”

“It’s a little odd. I mean, you just met the man. Do you always need the ages of every new person you come into contact with?”

“I was just curious. Jeez.”

“Oh. Alright. Well, he’s twenty-six or twenty-seven? Somewhere around there. Mid to late twenties.”

“Hmm.” Older guy. Probably more experienced. Definitely some kind of slick talker. “Seems to really like you.”

“I guess.”

“You help him out, too?”

“Oh, it was um… it’s confidential. I’m technically his doctor, so I can’t really say.” She shrugged, “Not everybody can get along with Doc Church.”

“Huh.”

Leo reappeared with their drinks. “Pies’ll be ready in ten.”

“Thanks.”

Abby sipped her Nuka and tried to think of something polite to say to her guest. Small talk had never been her forte. Between silence and mindless chit chat, she’d take silence every time.

“So, Butch --”

“What’s with the nickname anyway?”

“What?”   


“Abracadabra. How’d that get started?”

“Oh.” The corner of her mouth quirked up at the memory. “Mayor MacCready gave it to me. There was a little problem in Lamplight and I asked him if he wanted me to help and he told me I was… well, I won’t repeat exactly what he said, but the gist of it was that I was too little and weak to help. That unless I had a magic wand in my… in a very unlikely place, I should just sit down and shut up.” She shook her head, “This was before we were friends, of course. So I went and handled the problem and when I got back, I said ‘ta-da’ like I’d just done a magic trick.” She held up both hands and wiggled her fingers. “And he said… uh… well, a lot, but Abracadabra was in there and that became my nickname in Lamplight. I’m honestly not sure how it spread everywhere else though.”

“Mayor MacCready? That the little asshole at the gate?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. I’m surprised he didn’t blow your head off with that rifle of his. He almost got me.”

“He’s just very protective of Lamplight is all. With good reason."

“Bet he thought you were some twerp lookin’ for a home, huh?”

She made a face, “He did, actually. He’s only fourteen but he’s already taller than me. It’s a little infuriating, to be honest. When we first met, I still had at least five inches on him, but he’s grown a lot in the past year or so. The very moment he overtook me, he started rubbing it in.”

“Heh. Could be worse. He could’ve known you when you were fourteen, too. You were even littler then.”

“I wasn’t! I stopped growing when I was twelve.”

“Yeah, but you were like… y'know…” He tried to think of a nice way to phrase it. “Uh… daintier then.”

“Thanks. That’s a very diplomatic way to put it, I suppose.”

“Nah, I wasn’t… I mean, you were just more… fragile back then.”

Abby chuckled, “Says the person who was always trying to beat me up.”

“Hey, I stopped punching you by ten, twelve at the latest.”

“Are you sure? It doesn’t really feel like a decade ago.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Of course he was sure. He’d realized once puberty hit that he wanted his hands on her in a whole different way, so he’d tried as hard as he could to keep them to himself whenever possible. That’s when the spitwads and tripping and shit had started. The few times he touched her after that were a little more perverted in nature than a smack upside the head.

“Hmm.”

Great. She didn’t believe him. He had the evidence, but it’s not like he could just whip out his journals and show her the exact moment he’d figured out why he was always trying to pin her or lick her or whatever. What was he supposed to say even if he did? ‘See, Abby? That day you wore your hair in those pigtails with the green ribbons is the day I realized I wanted you in an extremely graphic and adult kinda way.’ Yeah. That’d go over great.

“So, all that stuff on the radio about you… that all true?”

She wrinkled her nose, “I guess. Three Dog gets a little carried away sometimes with his descriptive language.”

Butch grinned and pitched his voice low and reverent, _“A savior walks among us.”_

“Ugh, yes. Exactly. The way he talks, I’m all but walking on water.”

“Ain’t ya? Aqua Pura. Does a body good, right? That’s some pretty amazing stuff.”

“It was my parents’ project. I was just finishing what they started.”

“Dang, really? Your dad did all that?”

“No. Dr. Li and my mother did all that. He was their resident physician. The most he ever did on Project: Purity was run a few tests on the water to make sure it was safe.”

“Huh.” He paused while Leo set their plates down and ignored the man’s wink. “This looks alright.”

Abby already had a forkful in her mouth, “S’good.”

He watched her eat for a moment. This had changed, too. She used to eat like a bird. Just a few bites of whatever was put in front of her before she'd get distracted by some shiny science thing. Now she was practically shoveling the food into her mouth. Barely taking a breath between bites.

“Must be fuckin’ delicious the way you’re chowin’ down.”

She abruptly stopped and looked up at him, cheeks pink. “Oh. Oh, sorry.”

“Nah, don’t stop on my account. It’s actually kinda nice to see you eat. There were times when I used to wonder if you survived on sugar water or somethin’.”

“What?”

“Nothin’. Eat your dinner.” He waited until she picked up her fork again before taking his own bite. It sat heavy and terrible on his tongue and it took everything he had to keep from spitting it out. He swallowed without chewing and immediately took a swig of beer to try to chase the taste away. “It’s uh… it’s different.”

“Lots of protein.”

“Uh-huh.” But at what cost? He’d bet the bottom of his boot tasted better than this slop.

She was already finished with hers and went back to drinking her Nuka, watching him. Which meant he had to at least take a few more bites of this crap. Fantastic. Maybe her tastebuds had been irradiated away or something. He tried to stick with only eating the crust. It was flavorless and dry as cardboard but at least it wasn’t as disgusting as the filling.

“So, how are things in the vault? I mean, aside from all the fighting. How’s everyone been?”

“Mostly alright. You heard about Paulie, right?”

“Yes, I did. I'm sorry. I know he was your friend.”

“Hmm.” He shrugged, “Well, whatcha gonna do, right? We lost a lotta people. It was quiet. Most everybody was working double shifts just keeping things goin’.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah. I’m just glad to be gone myself. That place is like a black hole.”

Abby nodded, “I know what you mean. When I came back, I was really excited at first. I thought I was being called home. But, it didn’t feel right. The second I stepped through that vault door, nothing felt right. It's just not home anymore."

So why'd she still sound so sad about it then? “Hey, listen. I heard what Amata told you. That you weren’t wanted there anymore. You know that was a lie, right?”

“It didn't feel like a lie. Almost everybody ignored me when I came back. It was pretty clear that I’m a pariah there.”

“Nah, people just didn’t know what to say.” People like him especially. “You were missed, Abby.” He cleared his throat and kept his eyes on his plate, “Some people worried maybe you’d died or somethin’. They thought about you every day.”

“Grandma Palmer?”

“What?”

“You’re talking about Grandma Palmer, right? She actually gave me a hug when she saw me.”

“Oh. Y-yeah. Of course.”

“She was nice.”

“Yeah.” He sighed and ate a large bite of slop to punish himself for being such a fucking weenie. There was a moment. Right there. He coulda said ‘Abby, I missed you every damn day and slept in your bed because it was the only way I had to still be close to you.’ But nope. Place was all wrong. He couldn’t go confessing his great love in front of an audience. She might think he was trying to pressure her into something.

Or maybe he was just a fucking weenie.

“So, are you going to open a barbershop out here or something?”

“What? No. Heck no. That was the old Butch. The new Butch is a wasteland explorer extraordinaire.”

“Oh. Neat.”

“Yeah! I’m pretty good with a rifle, ya know.” He winked at her, “Had a good teacher.”

“Ha. Yeah. I remember.”

“Yeah.” Those last couple of months when they’d been easing towards something close to friendship, he’d discovered her little secret spot in the basement. Paper targets and BBs. He’d used the excuse of being enthralled with her gun to spend hours with her away from everyone else. They barely spoke during those times, but he’d still cherished every second.

“You might find a job working with one of the caravans then. It’s solid work. Have you visited Canterbury Commons yet?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve been out that way.”

“They all go through there. Wolfgang is pretty nice if you like a lot of chatter.”

“Well, you know, about that…”

“Hmm?”

“I was actually kinda hopin’ maybe we could team up.”

“Team up?”

“Get the gang back together.”

“The gang?”

“What, is there an echo in here? Yeah. Get the gang back together. The Tunnel Snakes ride again. Or, y'know, slither again. Whatever!”

“I was never in your gang.”

“Of course you were!”

“I feel like I would remember a thing like that.”

“I gave you my jacket, didn’t I?!”

“Oh, I just thought that was some kind of temporary psychosis brought on by almost losing your mom.”

“No! I meant every word I said!” Probably the most honest interaction they’d ever had. “You were literally runnin' for your life and you still took the time to save my ma, Abby. That makes you a Tunnel Snake forever in my book.”

“Oh… you helped, you know. Hitting them with my bat and all.”

“Yeah, but we both know I never woulda had the nerve to go back in there if you hadn’t shown up when you did.”

“Sure you would have.”

“Well, maybe I woulda and maybe I wouldn’t’ve. Fact remains, you were there and you put yourself in harm’s way to save her. So you’re always gonna be a Tunnel Snake, and you’re always gonna be my best friend. That’s just the way it is.”

Abby choked a bit on her Nuka, “B-best friend?”

“Did you forget that part?”

“No! I just thought --”

“Psychosis. Right. I wanna be your friend so I must be crazy? How’s that make sense?”

“How doesn’t it? You  _ hated _ me.”

“I never!”

Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him in open astonishment.

“I never did! I never hated you a day in my life.”

“So you constantly picked on me because you  _ didn’t _ hate me?”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

She was studying his face like he was a whole new life form entirely. “How on earth were you the most popular guy in the vault? Seriously.”   


“Cause that place was a pit and I’m a viper, dumb-dumb.”

“So best friend is synonymous with punching bag in your mind? Is that what’s happening here?”

“No, it… okay, look. You were… y'know,  _ intimidating _ when we were kids.”

“I was… I  _ am _ half your size.”

“Yeah, but your  _ brain _ is bigger than all outdoors. I never knew what to say to you or… I always felt so stupid standing next to you and yeah, that pissed me off, but I wanted to be your friend so bad. I guess I… I dunno, I felt like you rejected me before I even put myself out there and then I kept punishing you for it? Which was dumb. I was really messed up in the head for a long time, but I’m not anymore. I’m really not. I’ve been readin’ stuff and talkin’ to people and --”

“Reading what?”

“Oh, uh… well, I dunno if you knew, but I sorta moved into your family’s old place and --”

“Yes, Amata told me. She didn’t want there to be any trouble between us so she warned me to stay away.”

“Course she did.” He shook his head, muttering. “Well, then, you know, you guys left behind a lotta books and I had a lotta free time, so…”

Her eyes narrowed, “Did you read  _ How to Win Friends and Influence People _ ?”

“Yeah, that was the first one.”

“Hmm.”

“There were a few your dad had, I guess.  _ Psycho-Cybernetics _ helped with a bunch of stuff. It’s all about breaking negative habits and thinking and whatnot.” He gave her a wry grin, “Turned out I had a lotta that goin’ on.”

“Yeah.”

_ “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living _ was pretty good.”

She laughed, “I never realized you needed help with that.”

“Well, I didn’t either, to tell you the truth, but I did. I couldn’t get through  _ Meditations. _ I tried, but… Jesus.”

“Marcus Aurelius isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.”

“No shit. He must’ve been the original wet blanket.”

“He kinda was, actually.”

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, I read all that stuff, then I started talking to a couple people about it. It really helped.”

“Who’d you talk to?”

“Uh… mostly Brotch and Old Lady Palmer. Probably the smartest people left in 101 now that we’re out, right?”

Abby chuckled, “Right.”

“Yeah. I tried to talk to Ma about some stuff, too, but that was a dry well. She uh… well, you know how she is. I realized taking life advice from somebody like her was a one way ticket down, so I stopped listening to all her crap. Started listening to people who had their shit together and seemed okay with who they are. Just seemed like the smart thing to do.”

“Wow. That’s… that must have taken a lot of serious self-reflection, Butch.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“I’m impressed.”

He shrugged, “I just didn’t wanna carry on the family tradition. End up some sad, middle-aged alchie, ya know?”

“Right.” She nodded thoughtfully, “So assistant, huh?”

“Yeah. Yeah! Right! The Butch-man would make a damn fine assistant for all your science whatnots and stuff.”

“You don’t know anything about science though.”

“So? I know a thing or two about hauling shit around, and I know you gotta need that. Used to be you could barely lift a medicine ball.”

“I’m stronger than I was.”

“Yeah, but everybody I talked to about you always mentioned this big hulking ghoul you usually have at your beck and call. The way I hear it, he does the heavy-lifting.”

“His name is Charon.”

“Right. Him.” He looked around the room. “So where’s he at, huh? He wasn’t with you at Rivet City, either.”

“Summers are hard on ghouls because they generate too much body heat and have no sweat glands. I told him to stay in Underworld until the temperature drops.”

“Uh-huh. But you still got deliveries to make and dumbasses to save, right? Your dog’s too little to carry anything, so why not me?”

“So… you’re really offering to be my pack brahmin?”

“Pack brahmin with a gun.” He grinned, “I’ll watch your back and carry your shit. Free haircuts, too, if you want.”

“And in exchange?”

“In exchange, I get to pal around with the coolest chick in the Capitol Wasteland.”

“You aren’t looking to get paid?”

“Oh. Right. If you could throw some caps my way, that'd be good, too.”

“How much?”

“I dunno. Whatcha got?"

“You came to ask for a job and didn’t already have an idea of how much you’d like to get paid for that job?”

Butch shrugged, “To be honest, I didn’t think you’d even let me get this far.”

“Oh.” She thought it over for a moment. Certainly he’d changed in the two years since they’d regularly seen each other, and so had she. If he ever tried anything obnoxious, she could always just shoot him, right? Still, he was so new to living out here. Not used to such a morally grey world and she didn’t have the time or the energy to teach him the finer points of wasteland justice or diplomacy. “Okay, I have some questions for you first.”

“Sure.”

“Just a few hypotheticals. I’m going to give you a situation and you tell me how you’d handle it, alright?”

“Ha, like your very own G.O.A.T., huh? Shoot.”

“Okay. Let’s say you’re new in town and are in dire need of information from a powerful, cruel man who wants you to do something you feel is wrong in exchange for it. He can be bought, but his price is exceedingly high and you don’t have the money. If you do the thing he wants you to do, you’ll destroy an innocent person’s life and have to live with that forever. If you don’t do it, you’re lost. What do you do?”

“Nobody else has this information?”

“Correct.”

“And the jerk knows he’s got you by the balls?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.” He tilted his chair back on two legs and rocked while he thought. “Then, I guess… I mean, you can’t fuck some rando over just because you need something, right? And if you couldn’t get the caps together… I guess the only option would be to take the bastard out. It’s a lot easier to get somethin’ off a dead man who can’t say no.” His eyes darted over her face and he winced at her stony expression. “Fuck. That’s probably --”

“Next question.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve arrived in a pleasant town with friendly people. They feed you and offer to let you stay overnight for free in their secure settlement. But one of them tells you the others are, in fact, incestuous cannibals and he’s afraid for his grandchildren’s safety and sanity. What do you do?”

_ “Shit. _ That’s… damn, nosebleed. That’s some imagination you’ve got.”

“What do you do?”

“Uh… I mean, you’d probably investigate first, right? Could be the old guy’s off his rocker.”

“The old man is not off his rocker. Everything he says is true.”

“Damn. Then uh…” He scrunched up his face, thinking. “I mean, if you take ‘em out, the kids and the old guy will be all alone and defenseless, right? But if you don’t, you’re just gonna get more cannibals and… family fucking, which is disgusting. Hmm. I guess… you gotta get rid of the cannibals. It would probably be better for the kids to die than to become _that._ Savin’ their souls is just as important as savin’ the rest of ‘em.”

“Okay. Last question.”

Butch popped his neck, “Alright. Lay it on me.”

“A well dressed, clearly educated man approaches you. He explains that somewhere nearby there is a dangerous robot that has gone rogue and believes itself to be human. The man has conclusive evidence of the android’s existence. He asks you to help him either recapture or destroy the robot in exchange for a large amount of caps. What do you do?”

“Is the robot hurtin’ anybody?”

“No.”

“But he might?”

“So the man says.”

“Huh.” He chewed the inside of his cheek, “Well, shit, I mean, that's true for anybody, ain’t it? Who’s to say I won’t lose my marbles tomorrow and go nuts attacking people? If this robot can really pull off being a person, I say let ‘em. What’s the guy want the robot back for anyway?”

“The robots were built to serve man.”

“So what’d the hell they make ‘em look like people for?! That’s gross, right? People shouldn’t be slaves. We’ve already got plenty of robots that look like robots to do stuff for us. Makin’ ‘em look like a person is just… weird.”

“But he’s not a person. He’s an android.”

“So? He thinks he’s a person. I think, therefore I am, right? Some old dude said that.”

“Descartes.”

“Right. Guy thinks he’s a person, then he’s a person. End of story. Seems simple enough to me. I’d tell that jerk hunting him to take a long walk off a short pier, and  _ then _ I’d steal his fucking caps when he wasn’t lookin’ for tryin’ to turn me into some kinda slave hunter. Rat bastard.”

“Hmm.” She narrowed her eyes and studied him carefully. He tried to not let his nerves show but he was pretty sure this was the part where she told him to take a hike.

“That’s uh… those were some crazy questions, huh? You should write pulp or somethin'.”

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re hired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from this FDR quote: "If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships - the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace." Abby's bike is a 1960 Honda Dream.
> 
> Just so everyone is aware, my kiddos have 'gone back to school', which of course means I'm homeschooling them for most of the day. It's cutting into my writing time by quite a bit, so updates will be slow(er than normal) until we get into the swing of things.
> 
> 2020, right? What a thhhhhhpppppptttt kinda year. 😤 But our backs to the wind, we soldier on! Yes? Yes.
> 
> I hope everyone is enjoying this story and if you haven't checked out my other works, please feel free. 👍
> 
> Also, have a playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/10cS8NybThaLtohHmAImhj?si=NKadDLXWQJihON7b308L_g (All my stories have playlists. LOL)


	4. Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments.

**_May 2276_ **

Abby stared at herself in the mirror and tried to make peace with what she was looking at.

Oh, the dress was pretty, sure. A gift from Daddy. Bubblegum pink with silver tulle over it. Sweetheart neckline. Her mother’s pearls in her ears and a new, matching necklace around her neck. Amata had wrestled her hair up into a chignon of sorts and it made her look older, she thought. Especially with the borrowed lipstick and mascara.

The reflection showed a well brought up young lady on the verge of adulthood. Picture perfect.

It was all wrong. She looked like her mother. She didn’t look like  _ her _ at all.

The modest heels were difficult, too. She’d been wearing them after work for two days straight to practice and still wobbled a bit. Her dress felt stiff and scratchy against her skin. The ten pounds of foundation garments under it were also a bother. Supposedly designed to give her form definition and elegance, but she couldn’t really see a difference. It just felt restrictive and hard to breathe properly.

It was amazing to her that some people actually looked forward to this nonsense their whole lives.

James poked his head into her room and smiled indulgently, “Stop fussing! You look great! Now go! You want to be late for your own prom?”

“I’m not fussing.” She turned to him and sighed. “Do I really have to go?”

“The Overseer says anyone who doesn’t attend prom can’t walk at graduation, and we’ve worked too hard to miss that.”

“I still get my diploma. I don’t see what the big deal is.” She grumbled but held her wrist out for the corsage he brought over.

“It’s a big deal to me. It feels like just yesterday I was holding you my arms as a tiny baby, wondering how on earth I was going to raise you all by myself. Now look at you. All grown up. Beautiful and brilliant like your mother. It’s a proud moment for your old man, sweetheart. Let me have it.”

“Okay, Daddy. I'm sorry."

“No, no, I understand being nervous.” He set his hands on her shoulders, “There’s nothing wrong with going stag, alright? Not everyone finds the person they’re meant to be with before they’re twenty, now do they?”

“Right.”

“It’s silly anyway. You know how I feel about the Overseer always pushing you young people together.”

“That it’s counterintuitive.”

“Exactly.” He smiled, “Anyway, I know you pulled first shift at the punchbowl. So if it’s really unbearable, you don’t have to stay beyond that, okay? Just… go with an open mind. Try to dance at least a little, hmm? One day you’ll be old like me and I’d hate for you to wish you’d had a little more fun when you were younger.”

“Do you wish you’d had more fun when you were a kid?”

“I um… well, I certainly wish I’d had more opportunities for it.” James kissed her forehead, “Now go. Be sure to thank Amata for doing your hair. It looks very nice.”

“I will.”

“And if you’re there when it happens, congratulate Susie on being prom queen.”

“How do you know she’ll be prom queen?”

“Just a feeling.” He gave her that rare wry smile that let her know he saw clearly through all of this bullshit, even if he pretended to go along with it. “Have a nice time, honey… and don’t try sneaking into the clinic to get out of this. I’m going to be there all night with an experiment.”

She made a face at him and left, distracted by the way her heels clicked on the floor. Click, click, click. Like a timer waiting to go off. One hour. Just one hour of smiling and pretending she wasn’t wishing she were anywhere else.

Luckily, Amata’s face was the first one she saw when she entered the darkened gym and she immediately made a beeline for her. Everything had been liberally draped with crepe paper and dark fabric. Silver and gold balloons scattered throughout the dance floor and strands of blinking star-shaped lights hung above. Enough glitter thrown about that it seemed to hang in the air, clinging to every surface it came into contact with. It was pretty, she guessed.

Amata grinned as she approached, “Not bad, huh? A night among the stars!”

“It’s nice. I like the lights.”

“Right?” She tipped her head up to watch them blink as they walked to the refreshments table. “I tried to talk Dad into letting me project the actual constellations but he said that wasn’t romantic.”

“Hmm.” She wasn’t sure who’d died and made Mr. Almodovar the reigning expert on all things romantic, but she wished they hadn’t. “That would have been interesting.”

“That’s what I said! Give people something to talk about.” She shrugged, “Anyway, you look great! Your dad has really good taste in dresses. That’s kinda surprising. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him out of his lab coat.”

Abby smiled, “Thank you. He told me he used to buy Mother dresses all the time because she never noticed what she was wearing and would put on just any old thing lying around. Even if it was practically falling apart."

“Sounds like you.”

“I am her daughter.” She took in the canary yellow frock her friend had on and nodded, “Your dress is lovely. That's such a good color on you.”

“Thanks!” Her smile turned into a grimace, “Ugh, there’s my date.” They both watched Freddie waving entirely too enthusiastically at them in his too large suit. “This should be a… thing that happens.”

She giggled, “You didn’t have to ask him, you know.”

“The computer matched us. It made sense.”

“Hmm.”

“Hey, you ever see who your match is supposed to be?”

“Oh.” Abby busied herself with arranging the cups in neat little rows so she didn’t have to meet Amata’s too clever gaze. “I’ve never entered my own name.” Not technically a lie, but it still felt like one.

There was no way in hell she was admitting to anyone that she was destined to someday comingle her DNA with  _ Butch DeLoria. _

“Seriously? I would’ve put my name in there the first time they left me alone with the system.”

She shrugged, “It doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Right. Yeah. The master plan. I almost forgot.”

“Yup.”

A heavy sigh left her as her eyes followed his clumsy progress across the floor, “At least he’s not a Tunnel Snake. He might have potential.”

“Maybe.” Sure. The potential to drown people in saliva. Abby frowned a little at the way he kept ricocheting off of people in his haste to get to them. Oblivious, fumbling and rude didn't exactly seem like qualities one would want in a life partner. Amata's dedication to the vault was admirable if she was willing to yoke herself to someone just because it would be best for ensuring genetic diversity in their closed ecosystem.

“I’ve done more with less. It’ll be fine.” She nudged Abby to make sure she knew to keep her mouth shut and smiled at Freddie. “Hi! You look so handsome!”   


“Thanks! You do, too… beautiful, I mean. You look, uh, you look real nice.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed nervously and nodded at her, “Abby. You look nice, too.”

“Thank you.”

Amata handed him two cups, “Why don’t you go grab us a seat? I’ll be along after I help set up.”

“Oh, okay! Sure!” He grabbed them and almost sloshed punch all over himself but only managed to get the floor. “Oh, shoot! Sorry.”

“I’ll get it.” Anything that would get her away from all this. She’d happily mop the whole damn vault if they’d just let her go change into real clothes.

“Sorry, Abby!”

“It’s fine, Freddie. Don’t worry about it.”

She headed back out the gym, headed for a janitorial closet. More people were starting to trickle in. Only ten minutes and the hour would officially commence. She just had to get through the next seventy minutes of her life and then everything would be roses.

It was kind of interesting to see everyone dressed up. A reminder that following graduation, they’d all finally be considered real full adults in the vault. She knew a lot of her classmates were excited to finally be able to purchase alcohol legally with their rations. It should give her the opportunity to really hone those stomach pumping skills she’d been practicing.

Even dragging her feet, she was somehow present back at her station when Amata, as designated head of the prom committee, officially opened the dance. Abby clapped politely and tried to not space out into orbit watching everyone whirl around the floor. Maybe taking the first hour had been a mistake. It’s not like anyone was really going to be thirsty so soon into the night. With nothing to occupy her time, it seemed like every single second on the clock had weights tied to it. Thus far, this was shaping up to be the longest hour of her life. Easily.

Butch and his crew didn’t arrive until almost forty-five minutes in, and by their rowdy behavior, they'd clearly been attending a much different party prior to this one. She thought he looked nice in his suit, even if he’d already undone the bowtie. Susie was practically glowing on his arm, resplendent in emerald green. Christine looked slightly less thrilled to be escorted by Paulie, but at least Janice seemed fairly besotted with Wally. That was kinda cute. Maybe. So long as Wally behaved himself.

Which would be a first, but her father claimed miracles happened every day, so who knew?

Her eyes went back to the clock. Ten more minutes. Come on, time.

“Wow! Abby! Look at you!”

She blinked and suddenly Susie was right in front of her, smiling in that sly way of hers. “Oh, hello. You look pretty.”

_ “You _ look pretty! I almost didn’t recognize you!”

“Oh, um…”

“Butch! Come look at Abby!” She waved him down, and took his arm again the second he was close enough. “Isn't she just  _ adorable _ tonight? Not every girl can pull off such an old-fashioned look.”

Oh. So this is what it was. She smiled blandly like she hadn’t noticed the insult under the cutesy tone. “Thanks.” Butch looked like he didn’t want to be there either and she gave him a sympathetic sort of look in solidarity. “Would you like some punch?”

“Nah. Nah, that’s… uh… I already had a drink.”   


His date giggled, “Or three.”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.” Well, this was awkward. If neither of them wanted punch, she hadn’t the faintest idea why they were still hanging around. Butch had been nicer as of late, but they were still barely acquaintances with each other and she hadn’t really been friends with Susie since the third grade. “Well, I hope you both have a nice evening.” She gave them a polite smile and was immensely relieved when they took the hint and wandered off.

Another time check. Five minutes. Thank you, God.

The very moment her shift was up, she bolted for the door. Standing in one spot and smiling at people shouldn’t be so difficult, but it somehow was. She waved goodbye at Amata as she went and groaned inwardly when she hurried over to catch her.

“Hey! Abby, wait.”

She was nearly bouncing in place. Escape was so close. “What?”

“You gotta dance.”

“What?!”   


“Yeah, my dad said you have to show up  _ and _ dance, or you don’t walk at graduation.”

Goddammit. “Your father is a… that’s…”

“I know.” She patted her shoulder, “Listen, I know you can’t stand Freddie, but Paulie’s not so bad, right? Or Mr. Lewis? He’s chaperoning.”

She sighed heavily, “It’s… I’ll just grab somebody. It’s only one dance, right?”

“Right. Dad said one hour and one dance. Mandatory.” She rolled her eyes, “Cause that makes things super fun, right? Having them be  _ mandatory.” _

“Yeah. Thanks for telling me.”

“Sure. If you can’t find anybody, I’ll dance with you.” She grinned, “Dad never said  _ who _ you had to dance with. Ha. That’d show him.”

“Yeah.”

Except no, because then Amata would probably get grounded into next year for subverting her father’s authority. Abby skirted the edges of the throng and tried to find someone decent for this one last humiliation before she was freed from all this silly nonsense. Chip was a dear. He'd do. Two years younger than her, but that was fine. She had no idea if he was attending though. Who would unless forced, right?

“Hey, Poindexter.”

She jumped and turned around, “Oh. Hello, Butch.”

“You heard about the dance rule, right?”

“Right. Yes, I did hear about it.”

“It’s some Orwellian bullshit if you ask me.”

She nearly laughed despite herself and tried to school her face into something suitably chastising. “You really do need to stop breaking into my room, you know.”

“You say it like that and it sounds creepy!” He scoffed, “It’s not like I’m doin’ it when you’re  _ there. _ I’m just borrowin’ books.”

“You could always just ask me for a book.”

“Then they’re not as fun to read.” He grinned, “So, you need somebody to dance with?”

“Oh. Um… well, I’d… it’s just…”

“Oh, okay. I get it.” He shuffled back a bit. “Sorry. I’m not tryin’ to --”

“No, I appreciate the offer. Really. It’s not you or anything. I just don’t want to end up getting knifed later by Susie in the ladies room.”

“Oh. Ha. Yeah, she’s uh… she’s a little possessive, huh?”

“A bit.”

“You know, we ain’t pinned or promised or nothin’.”

“I know.”

“I dunno why she acts like we’re married or somethin’.”

“Well, it’s probably because you’ve been having relations with her for a few years now. Wouldn’t most girls assume you were at least eventually going to get serious?”

“I dunno. I'm not most girls.”

Abby laughed, “Yeah, me, neither.”

“Ha.” He grabbed her hand, “Come on. Dance with me. I’ll tell ‘em it was a joke. Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh… okay.” Not like she had much say in the matter with the way he was dragging her along like a stuffed bear behind him. “I’ve never danced before.”

“It ain’t hard.” He spun her into place and laughed at the way she immediately stared at his feet. “Nah, you gotta look up, kitten.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“I just don’t want to step on you.”

“Pfft. Like I’d even feel it.” It took her a bit to get the rhythm but she finally managed and he smiled. “There! See? Easy peasy.”

“Yeah. It’s not so bad, I guess.” She looked around nervously at the other couples swaying around them. “So this is it? We just move back and forth here?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Oh.”

“We can talk though, if you wanna. Most people do.”

“Okay… are you looking forward to graduation?”

He shrugged, “I guess. Not much’ll change, right?”

“Right.”

“What about you?”

“I’m excited to be able to vote.”

He snorted, “Course you are.”

“And I’ll finally get my lab coat. No more silly outfit.”

“Aw. I like that outfit.”

“Well, if you’re that attached to it, I’d be happy to give it to you after we graduate.”

“Ha. Pretty sure I wouldn't fit in your bloomers, sweetheart.”

Her cheeks went a bit pink, “That’s… there are no bloomers.”

“Shit, really?”

“Really.”

“But it’s so  _ short.” _

“I know.”

Damn. No bloomers. He’d always assumed there had to be. Kinda made him want to accidentally drop a thing of tongue depressors in front of her to see what would happen. Probably not the gentlemanly thing to do, but it’d be worth the guilt.

“You look really nice tonight.”

“Hmm. Yeah.  _ Adorable.” _

He snickered, “You know Susie wouldn’t have messed with you unless it was true though, right? She’d have just ignored you like normal.”

“Oh. I just thought maybe she was extra feisty. About to be queen and all.”

“Nah. Just jealous.”

“Susie Mack has zero reason to be jealous of somebody like me.”

“You’d be surprised.” Certainly he was surprised. He’d known she was cute and all, but it was actually hard to tear his eyes away from her tonight. Harder still to keep them on her face and not try to sneak a peek down her top.

The song switched into a slower number and she immediately beamed up at him. “Dance over!”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah.”

“Yay!”

“Yeah, yay.”

“Thank you for helping me out. That was really nice of you.”

“Sure. No sweat.”

“Have a nice night!”

He watched her practically skipping away and sighed, “Yeah. You, too.”

Abby was grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. Archaic adolescent ritual completed and checked off the list. She was now free to go home, tear off this ridiculous costume and read, uninterrupted, for as long as she pleased. All in all, now that the torturous part of the evening was over, it was pretty nice for a Friday night. The moment she was out of sight of the gym, she took her shoes off. The floor of the vault was always cold, but it was a welcome relief after those awful heels.

She was about to turn the corner that would take her home when hushed murmuring made her stop. Whatever was going on sounded  _ extremely _ clandestine. A careful peek revealed Freddie’s mom and… ugh, was that  _ Officer Mack?  _ Wrapped around each other. Right in the hallway!

She backed away quickly and made a face. Extremely distasteful behavior. In  _ public,  _ no less! And Officer Gomez had always been such a nice man! Why on earth would Mrs. Gomez want to sneak around on him with somebody like that? An involuntary shudder zipped through her. The whole thing was disgusting and now she was even more troubled by that little scene she’d walked in on where Mrs. Gomez had been begging her father for an abortifacient. At the time she’d assumed the woman was merely upset at the prospect of raising another child all over again, which she couldn’t fault her for. Now she was wondering if the real problem had been the baby hadn’t been Mr. Gomez’s.

Still solid reasoning, of course. The world did  _ not _ need any more Macks in it. Surely to goodness.

Unfortunately, their choice of venue for such a salacious thing had put a kink in her plans. The only other way home involved passing the clinic, which meant her father would grill her on what the dance had been like, how long she’d stayed, who she'd danced with, why she was wandering alone so far away from her usual route. All conversations she’d like to avoid. So now she was in the wind, as it were.

A fluttering in her chest had Abby stopping in her tracks. She leaned against the nearest wall for support and put her hand over her heart. It was beating far too fast and didn’t seem to want to slow down. She closed her eyes and prayed to whoever was listening to let this moment pass. She didn’t need to have one of her fits now. Not when she was dressed up like some porcelain doll and the halls were so empty.

A few slow, deep breaths and the palpitations finally stopped. Panic attack averted. One last, shuddering breath and she was back on the move. She knew exactly where she should go for a little self care.

Clearly, she needed to shoot something.

Abby made her way down into the bowels of the vault. Through the reactor room. Past the forgotten storage containers holding God only knew what. Back to the little corner of paradise her father had made for her on her tenth birthday. It still didn’t look like much. Paper targets and a few sandbags. Couple of crates to sit on and her BB rifle kept stashed under a table where it was unlikely to be noticed.

This place had been a sanctuary for her. Serving as everything from a favorite reading nook to a place for her technically less-than-legal experiments. The Overseer had long forbidden her father from investigating the various bacteria and viruses lingering in the vault, but he hadn’t thought to ban _her_ from doing it. As far as she was concerned, that overlooked omission was as good as an officially stamped approval.

Sometimes she’d used this place as an oasis to get away from her peers as well. Her little hidey-hole where nobody would bother her. A place to get her frustrations out where she wouldn’t be judged for it.

She picked up her rifle, checked to make sure it wasn’t cocked, and twisted open the barrel to fill it. A carefully fed handful later and she twisted it back shut. Ready to fire. A few targets down and she could feel her pulse slowing back to it’s normal resting rate. All that bullshit upstairs faded away. Just the comforting ping of the BB finding its target.

She’d gone through at least half a box when banging around from behind her caught her attention. Too big to be a radroach. She tiptoed along until she saw Butch and his gang looking around and ducked behind a crate.

“I dunno, man. I dunno if this place is gonna do it.”

Wally, obviously more inebriated than he had been a half hour ago, waved a hand at the clutter around them. “Lots of room to spread out. See? Privacy.”

Paulie snickered, “Yeah, I doubt you wanna front row seat when Butch is puttin’ it to your sister. Not that there’s much to see.”

“Hey! Shut up, asshole!”   


Butch laughed, “Alright, alright. Let’s look around. See if there are some super secret places the powers that be don’t want nobody knowin’ about. If we can find someplace cool, then we’ll bring the chicks back later for the afterparty. If not, we’ll go our separate ways when it's about that time, yeah?”

“Yeah, alright.”

Abby watched them fan out and clutched her rifle. No, no, no. Not now. Not  _ them. _ Butch was wandering ever closer but she couldn’t make herself move. She closed her eyes and tried to make herself as small as she possibly could, holding her breath as his heavy footsteps grew louder and louder.

He’d never been in this part of the vault before. Never really had a reason to, but post-coronation Queen Susie was about a billion times worse than she usually was. Kept looking at him all expectantly like he was supposed to get down on one knee or something. He just needed a break and this wild goose chase for the perfect make out spot was the best he could come up with under the circumstances.

Kinda robbing Peter to pay Paul here, but what could you do?

A small squeak had him jumping to the side. Rumor had it radroaches roamed down on this level. He could deal with anything but those. Fuckers were as long as your arm and  _ nasty. _

When nothing rushed out to bite him, he squinted and bent down. A glimmer of light from a bit of fabric on the floor caught his eye and his slightly sloshed brain finally put it together with the shimmering dress Abby had been wearing earlier. He shuffled a bit closer to the crate and peered over it. Sure enough. Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes was huddled behind the damn thing, lookin’ like she was about to freak the fuck out.

Interesting.

Butch grinned down at her and put a finger to his lips so she’d stay quiet. The super serious way she solemnly nodded back almost made him laugh, but he managed to stay in character and yelled back at the guys.

“Hey!”   


Wally’s head popped up and he glowered at him, “What? Find somethin’?”

“Nah. I’m not feelin’ this whole place. Shit echoes, ya know? I’d hate to offend your delicate sensibilities. You and Paulie see if anybody’s claimed the library yet. Place is a ghost town even when it’s open.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s a good idea.”

“I’mma take a leak. I’ll meet you guys up there.”

“Right. Paulie! Let’s go!”

He leaned on the crate super casual like until he heard the heavy door close behind them, then extended his hand to her. “So, what’s an angel like you doin’ in a place like this?”

She ignored the hand and curled up tighter, ducking her head. “Go… away.”

The labored, breathless way she said it had him frowning. “Hey, you don’t sound so hot, kid.” Butch crouched down, “Somebody didn't try to get fresh with you, did they?” Even the idea made his blood boil. If he found out some other asshole put his mitts on her, or anything else, he'd go pay the jerk a little visit right now. Introduce him to his switchblade. Nice and cozy-like.

She shook her head but still wouldn’t look at him. Her hand clapped over her mouth and he wondered if she was about to throw up. Was it just him? He’d been trying for months to show her he was harmless, but maybe he hadn’t convinced her quite as much as he’d thought.

“Hey, I ain’t gonna do nothin’. You know that, right? It’s okay. Nobody’s gonna hurt you. Not while I’m around.”

Abby shook her head again, grabbed his hand and planted it on her chest. He immediately felt like his face was on fire as the top of his head suddenly shot off into the stratosphere, but the stuttering, skipping beat of her heart brought him back down to reality.

“Oh. Oh,  _ shit.  _ You’re havin’ one of those uh… it’s your condition or whatever, right?” She nodded and the hand clutching his tightened. “What do you need?” She moved his hand over her mouth and nose and leaned into it. “What, I gotta… smother you? It’s like a fire?” Ha. Ice queen on fire. There was definitely a joke in there someplace, he just couldn’t make the connection yet. She nodded and he nodded, too. “Alright. I can do that, I guess.”

Angle was awkward as fuck though. He couldn’t get a proper seal over her face. Butch slid her around and hauled her into his lap so her back was against his chest. Her breathing was so shallow and fast. Was this some kind of hyperventilating? He didn’t know anything about what was supposedly wrong with her other than he often got blamed for it and she always got carted off to her dad by whatever adult was around at the time. “This better?”

She nodded and collapsed back against him. He almost worried she’d passed out, but her hands had his free one in a death grip. Her eyes looked wild and terrified and he was kind of surprised at how fast sobriety had abruptly descended on him.

“It’s alright, baby. I’ve got you.” He wrapped his arm around her and rocked since it was all he could think to do. “I gotcha.”

God, she was so fucking tiny. So vulnerable. He couldn’t believe he’d ever been such an asshole as to shove her around. No wonder she’d been terrified. He could probably pin her down with one hand and there wouldn’t be a thing she could do to stop him.

Now he finally had her exactly where he’d always wanted her. In his lap, pressed up against him, trembling in his arms and it was all wrong. Be careful what you wish for, huh?

He had no idea how long they stayed like that. Him rocking and humming and her struggling to breathe under his hand. Eventually though the shuddering gasps evened out. The pulse in her neck settled back down to a steady, slow pace. Butch let his hand fall away when she tugged on it and couldn’t help but wrap that arm around her, too.

He’d known she was fragile, but he’d somehow never realized how bad it really was. Part of him wanted to never let her go again. Wanted to tuck her away in his pocket so she’d always be safe. His chin rested on her shoulder and he nuzzled her cheek with his.

“You alright?”

“I’m alright. I’m sorry.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, thank you.”

"Okay." The fit had passed, but she still sounded timid and brittle. Probably embarrassed or something equally stupid. He chuckled, murmuring in her ear, “Hey, any time you wanna camp out on the ol’ Butch-man’s lap, I got a pup tent with your name on it.”

“Is that… is that some kind of innuendo?”

“Maybe. Depends on if you want it to be or not.”

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”

She turned her head enough to glare at him, “Let me go. Now.”

There she was. “Sure.” He released her and laughed at the mad scramble she made to get away from him. “Aw, come on. Joke wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“Was it a joke, or was it innuendo?”

He wrinkled his nose, “You say that word too much it sounds weird, don’t it? Innuendo. In-you-in-doe. In your end, oh! Ha!”

Abby got to her feet and smoothed her skirt out, “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“I dunno. Not nearly enough to deal with Susie-Q, I can tell you that.”

“She’s probably wondering where you are.”

“Yeah, she wonders that a lot.” He grinned up at her and tapped his chest, “So uh… that ticker… your pops can’t fix it?”

“My heart is fine.”

“You've got a weird definition of fine.”

“It’s my nerves that are the problem, and no, he can’t fix it. Nobody can fix it.”

“Nerves, huh?” He rolled up onto his feet and leaned against the crate again, “That why you come down here? Get a little R & R in?"

“Yes.”

“And the gun, Calamity Jane? Or where you hopin’ I wouldn’t notice?”

“I was hoping you’d be a gentleman and not mention it even if you did notice.”

“Oh. Nah. That ship has sailed.”

“Clearly.”

“So what is it? Some kinda BB gun, right?”

“Right.”

“Ain’t that illegal?” His eyebrow rose as the color in her cheeks bloomed, “Abigail Catherine Lane. You naughty,  _ naughty _ girl.”

“Oh, shut it.”

“I am shocked!”

“I find that very hard to believe.”

“It’s a  _ scandal! _ The good doctor’s innocent little baby, with a  _ gun, _ wigglin’ around in people’s laps like some shameless hussy.”

“That was not my choice!”   


“What’ll everybody say?!”

She sighed, “You aren’t really going to tell anyone, are you? This is just you poking fun at me, right?”

“Right.” He flashed her a grin and snatched the rifle up from the floor. “So long as you let me shoot it.”

“Okay. Fine. Just… will you promise to not tell any of your friends about this place? Please?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Okay. Come on.” Abby led him back further and waved at the makeshift shooting range. “Here.”

“Wow. This is some set-up. You do this?”

“It was a birthday present from Daddy.”

“Really?” That seemed kinda… odd. What kinda father gives his daughter a weapon and a place to shoot it as a gift? “Which birthday?”

“My tenth.”

That was  _ really _ odd. She was still practically a baby back then. Butch frowned thoughtfully at the rifle in his hands. Why would Doc Lane… “Were you super into cowboys or somethin’?”

She shrugged, “No, not really. He just thought it was something I should learn.”

“Huh.” Why though? As far as he knew, the Lane family never did anything without a reason, right? They weren’t exactly known for their frivolity.

Aw, fuck. Was this his fault, too? He’d been at peak asshole back then. Always shoving her around and threatening her. Terrorizing her every chance he got.

Maybe this had been her dad’s way of helping her feel safer.

“If I’d known you were some kinda sharpshooter, I definitely woulda minded my P’s and Q’s better back in the day.”

“It’s more for radroaches than people.”

“Sure, sure. So uh… how’s it work?”

“Oh, here. I’ll show you.” She took the rifle back and carefully planted her feet. “Feet slightly more than shoulder width apart so you’re properly braced.” The rifle came up and she pressed the butt of it against her shoulder. “You want to make sure to have it nice and firm against your shoulder, see?”

“Why?”

“Well, with this, it’s mostly for stability, but other guns have what’s called kickback. It’s the force that goes backward as the bullet is propelled forward. If you don’t have a good hold on it, then it can make the gun fly out of your hands or even injure you.”

“Huh.”

“You don’t want to shoot from the hip if you can at all help it. That lowers your accuracy.”   


“That’s how they do it in the movies.”

“Well, this isn’t the movies.”

“Right.”

“Make sure to keep your finger off the trigger until you’re actually ready to fire. That’s called trigger discipline. And, of course, never, _ever_ point it at someone. Always keep it pointed up and away at an angle, or down towards the floor.”

“Sure.”

“Safety first.”

“Smart.”

Her eyes narrowed at him, “Are you patronizing me right now?”

“What?! No!” He held both hands up, “Swear to God. I’m hangin’ on your every word here.”

“Hmm.” She still looked suspicious, but went back to the lesson. “Then you line up a target in your sights. Daddy says that with more powerful guns, you should always aim just a bit below where you’re trying to hit to compensate for the barrel’s movement.” Her head tilted as she looked down the iron sights. “Keep both eyes open so you see twice as well. Squeeze the trigger, don’t pull… and…”

Butch jumped a bit at the muted sound of the rifle firing and grinned when the target spun around. “Nice!”

“Thanks. I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“Lemme try.”

“Okay.” She cocked it for him and handed it over. “Try hitting the closest target first.”

“Yeah.” He tried copying the way she stood and tried harder to not overreact when she set her hands on his hips to reposition them. “Ha, yeah. Thanks.”

“Sure.” Abby stepped back and nodded. “Just take a deep breath, let it out slowly and fire when ready.”

He closed one eye before blinking them both back open. She’d said you saw twice as good with both. It was weird though. He’d never fired a gun in his life but still his instinct was to close one eye. It was easier to relax once she turned her head to stare at the targets and not the side of his head anymore. Breathe, focus, pull.

A cheerful little ping sounded and the target spun.

“Ha! Got it!”

Abby clapped politely, “Nicely done.”

“Can I do it again?”

“Sure.” She backed up further and sat on a crate. “You can finish this box of BBs if you want.”

“Seriously? Thanks.”   


“No problem.”

He waited until he’d emptied the rifle and she refilled it to talk again. Didn’t want to ruin a nice moment by running his mouth. As he so often did.

“So…”

“So?”

“Dance was that bad, huh?”

“That bad?”

“Well, you said this is where you go to get away from everybody.”

“Oh… no, it wasn’t the dance. That was… fine.”

He glanced over but she was staring at her bare feet with a puzzled sort of frown on her face. “Just fine?”

She shrugged, “The first hour was very boring, but our dance was kinda nice so it all evens out to just fine.”

“Ah.” ‘Kinda nice’ was an understatement. Certainly that moment in their lives was a starred event as far as he was concerned. “Somethin’ happen after?”

“Um… no, not really. I just saw something I wasn’t supposed to see. It was upsetting.”

“Oh, ho. Juicy.”

Abby wrinkled her nose, “Revolting more like.”

“Hmm… caught somebody doin’ it, didn’t ya?”

“What?! How… how’d you know that?”

“Cause you’ve got the same look on your face as that time you walked in on me and Christine in the cafeteria. People doin’ it really squicks you out, don't it?”

“I was only upset then because what you were doing was _ very _ unsanitary!”

“Uh-huh… so who was it?”

“I’d rather not say.”

Butch turned and studied her face carefully, “Grown-ups, huh?”

“H-how are you doing that?!”

“You ain’t hard to read, kitten. I know that face.”

She folded her arms and grumbled, “Not everybody is good at being sneaky and dishonest.”

“Ha. That’s true. You catch somebody cheatin’?” Her stubborn face had him adding, “I won’t ask who.”

A disappointed sigh left her, “Yes.”

“Where?”

“In the hall. On the way home.”

“Wow. Right out in the open. That’s bold as brass. Somebody’s got a pair on ‘em, don’t they?”

“It’s disgusting.”

He shrugged, “Not everybody’s satisfied with books, kiddo. Vault’s boring as shit. People gotta do somethin’, right?”

“I certainly wouldn’t do something like  _ that. _ No matter how bored I was.”

“Well, sure you wouldn’t. You don’t believe in it, right?”

“No, I mean… if I were ever married, I’d take that vow seriously. People  _ should _ take it seriously.”

“Love, honor, obey.” He laughed, “Kinda hard to imagine you obeyin’ some husband.”

“Daddy says you don’t have to use those vows. That you can do love, honor and cherish instead.”

Goddamn, wasn’t that romantic? “Love, honor and  _ cherish,  _ huh?” He definitely had two of those down already. If he could find out exactly what the heck honor really meant, he’d be in business here.

“That’s what he and my mother pledged.”

“That’s sweet.”

“I guess.”

He pulled the trigger but nothing happened. A shake revealed he was out. “Aw. Already?”

“It’s been almost an hour.”

“Shit. Really?” He checked his Pipboy, surprised at how fast time had passed. “How’s that possible?”

“Time flies.”

“Yeah.” Apparently when you were hanging out with the perfect girl, it went lightspeed. He reluctantly handed her the rifle and watched her squirrel it away. “Would you uh… y’know, mind if we did this again?”

“What? Shooting?”

“Yeah.”   


“Okay.” She stared up at him hard and serious. “Just make sure nobody else discovers this place. It has to stay private or we could all be in a lot of trouble.”

“Our little secret, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Sure. I like it. Want me to walk you back?”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m tryin’ to be a gentleman here, that’s why.”

“I thought we agreed that ship had sailed.”

“Well it’s back in port.”

“Isn’t Susie going to blow a gasket if you skip out on prom night?”

“Susie can…” He scowled. What he wanted to say probably wasn’t very gentlemanly. “Get over herself. Besides, what if you run into another orgy and catch the vapors or some shit?”

She blushed furiously, “It was hardly an orgy!”

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t need an escort. I'm fine.” Abby picked up her shoes and flounced away.

Butch quickly swiped her forgotten corsage, tucked it into his jacket, put his hands in his pockets and casually followed along behind. The glare she shot him over her shoulder had him grinning. “What? I’m goin’ the same way.”

“I highly doubt that.”

He shrugged, “Is it illegal for somebody to walk behind you?”

“No.”

“Worried you’re gonna fart or somethin’?”

“Ew!”

“Ha.”

“You are such a child.”

“M’hmm.” She went back to ignoring him and he took the opportunity to savor the sweet way her figure filled out her dress. If she could read his mind right now, she’d be hard pressed to find a childish thought left in it. “Your dress is pretty. It's fancy.”

She huffed but answered just like he knew she would. Abby had been brought up right. Too genteel to let a socially appropriate compliment go unacknowledged. “Thank you. Daddy gave it to me.”

Well, God bless Doc Lane then. “Shoulda let me do your hair though.”

“Not this again.”

“I’m tellin’ you, sweetheart. I’d knock your socks off.”

“Maybe after graduation. If I’m not busy.”

“Why wait?”

“Because if you decide to be funny, I’d rather not have my pictures ruined, thank you.”

“Aw. You’re always so suspicious.” He jogged a few steps to walk next to her. “Quiet, ain’t it?”

“It always is late at night.”

“You roam around after hours a lot or somethin’?”

“Sometimes.”

“Huh.” She must slink around like a mouse then if he’d never caught her. Then again, maybe she was just going places he didn’t, like that secret spot downstairs.

She glanced over at him for just a second, “By the way…”

“Yeah?”

“You look nice in a suit.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“I saw you when you guys arrived, and I thought it, so I figured I’d tell you. Since you’re making such an effort to be nice and all.”

His face felt a little warmer than usual and he was grateful for the dim after-curfew lighting. “To tell the truth, I kinda feel silly in this getup.”

“I kinda feel silly in my dress. That’s why I just wanted to go home, you know? Have a bath and read for a bit.” She grumped, “I never get to read in the bath anymore.”

He willed his brain to save the idea of her naked in a sea of bubbles for later and tried to stay focused on the here and now. “Oh, yeah? Too busy?”

“No. I used to do it all the time, and then once _ \- just one time! -  _ I dropped a book in the water and Daddy won’t let me forget it.”

“Oh.”

“But he’s going to be in the clinic all night, so I figured this would be my chance.”

“O-oh.” So she was gonna be alone, naked, wet, distracted by a book  _ and _ her overprotective daddy wasn’t gonna be home until morning probably. All very interesting, if frustratingly useless, information to have. “Sounds fun.”

“Yeah. Maybe I could still get a couple of chapters in.”

“Sure.”

She paused before they turned the corner and peeked around it first. “Oh, thank God. They’ve gone.”

He snorted, “If they hadn’t, we’d have been obligated to give ‘em a medal or somethin’.”

“A medal for what?”   


“For… y’know. For fuckin’. It’s been hours, right? How long you think it takes to put it on somebody?”

“I’m sure I don’t know.”

“Pfft.”

A thoughtful frown crossed her face, “How long is it supposed to take?”

Butch chuckled. Sometimes she just walked right into these things. “Wanna find out?”

She rolled her eyes, “Not today, thank you.”

“Dang.”

The playful little grin she shot him was new and, frankly, freaking amazing. “I don’t even have my stopwatch on me.”

“Ha! Not bad. That was almost funny.”

“I nearly said egg timer, but that seemed mean.”

He chortled, “Yeah, save that shit for one pump chumps like Freddie.”

“Freddie? Freddie Gomez has had sex with somebody?”

“What? You didn’t know?”

“No! I can’t even imagine!”

“Hmm… wanna know who it was with?”

“Oh, that’s… I’m sure that’s none of my business.”

For somebody trying so hard to look disinterested, she sure did a bad job. “Amata.”

“What?!”

“Yup.”

“She’s…  _ what?!” _

“Yup.”

“How do you know?!”

“Paulie saw ‘em sneakin’ out of a supply closet.”

“Oh, my God!”

“I know! A girl’s first time should be special, right? Or at least memorable. You can’t just drag ‘em off to toss salad with a buncha mops and shit. Amateur.”

“She never said a word.”

“Well, it ain’t exactly a thing to brag about, now is it?”

“I guess not. Did you… did you make Susie’s first time special?”

“Nah, I wasn’t her first.”

“Oh.”

He shrugged a little, “But I woulda if I had been.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s just the right thing to do.”

“I must confess, I’m a little surprised.”

“About which part?”

“I just… I always assumed guys didn’t really care or even think about that stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“The romance part of it all.”

“Oh. Well, some don’t, I guess.”

“It always seemed like romance was just the price guys paid to have sex, and sex was the price girls paid for romance.”

“Damn, nosebleed. That’s… _bleak.”_

“Sorry. Daddy says I’m too pessimistic sometimes.”

“No shit.” He considered everything she’d said for a moment. “Is that why you don’t have any interest in that stuff? Cause it’s, y’know, like a transaction to you?”

“No. I know some people find a lot of happiness in romantic relationships. It’s not all predator and prey. I know that. I just… never really… I mean, for me, it all just seems kinda…” She shrugged, “I dunno. It’s just not a  _ thing _ for me.”

“Oh. Hey, while I’ve got you here and while we're kinda on the subject, I’ve been wantin’ to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For that… uh, for the night before the G.O.A.T.. I had no right and I’m sorry.”

“The night before the…” Abby frowned up at him before the realization of what he was apologizing for hit her and she looked away, cheeks pink. “Oh. _ That.” _

“Yeah. That.”

“That’s… that was ages ago. You don’t have to apologize.”

“Nah, I do. I must’ve confused the crap outta you actin’ like that.”

“It was all a bit puzzling.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. Of course it was. He’d only been thinking about kissing her for years at that point, but from her side, it had completely come out of leftfield. “I’m sorry.”

“It… it wasn’t… unpleasant.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No. It didn’t really upset me.”

“Oh.”

She laughed a little, “Honestly, it was probably a good thing. I mean, at least now I know kissing doesn’t have to involve being drowned, right?”

“Ha. Yeah.”

“It was… you know, kinda nice, I guess.”

“Whoa, cool your jets there, kitten. Two 'kinda nices' in one night. You’re gonna give me a fat head.”

“No, I mean… I’m glad for the experience.”

“Glad for the experience?”

“Yeah. It’s like a milestone of sorts, right? I don’t usually get to do a lot of those.”

“Hmm.”

“Tonight I danced with a boy. Hung out alone with a boy.” She gestured between them, “This is another rite of passage. No boy has ever walked me to my door before. Now I can say one has.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a checklist stashed somewhere.”

“I just might.”

“You better not be considerin’ this a _ date.” _

“No! No, of course not! I’d never presume to --”

“Cause if you had an honest to God date with the Butch-man, you’d get a lot fancier treatment than this.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Flowers and candy. A  _ lot _ more dancin’. Slow dancin’ even.”

“O-oh.”

“Maybe make out a little.”

“On the first date?!”

He chuckled, “Nah, of course not. What was I thinkin'? Can’t go flat out with a girl like you.”

“A girl like me?”

“Yeah. You know, a  _ nice _ girl. Gotta take your time. Save that stuff for the second, maybe third, date.”

“What makes you think you’d get a second or third date?”

“Heh, well a guy like me probably wouldn’t have a snowball's chance. I’d really have to bring my A game. Pull out all the stops. High-maintenance dames always require more effort.”

“Hmm.”

“Worth it though.” He winked, “Anyway, you know what they say about the quiet ones.”

She shook her head, “No. What do they say?”

“Uh… just… that you’re worth a lotta trouble, is all.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Abby stopped by her door and smiled, “Well. This is me. Thank you for… well, for being so nice tonight. Everything could’ve been a disaster but you kinda saved the day. I don’t know why, but you did. So thank you.”

“Think nothin’ of it. I was happy to.”

She searched his eyes for a moment before dropping her own, “I really  _ don’t _ know why. You’ve been so  _ kind _ to me lately. It feels weird, like there's a joke happening that I'm not in on.”

Butch sighed, “Yeah, I know.”

“I don’t mean to be so guarded. If you’re genuinely making an effort, I appreciate it. I really do.”

“Thanks. I just didn’t want you to be afraid of me anymore.”

“Oh. Oh, Butch, that’s…” She took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m not. I’m really not. I promise. You don’t have to feel bad about that stuff anymore, okay? If it’s well and truly over then I’m more than happy to just let bygones be bygones. I don’t want you beating yourself up over that.”

He stared at their hands. Nobody should be allowed to have a hand as delicate and soft as hers. That just wasn’t fair. “Hey, you got ‘hold a boy’s hand’ on that list of yours?”

She chuckled, “Maybe.”

“Gettin’ a lot of things checked off tonight.”

“Yes, that’s true. It’s been a surprisingly productive evening.”

“Heh.” He stepped a bit closer, “You really ain’t afraid of me?”

“I’m really not.”

“Not even now? We’re alone, it’s dark… you don’t even got shoes on.”

She smiled, “Even now. You could’ve done anything you wanted to earlier when I was… um… incapacitated. But you didn’t. You didn’t press your advantage at all that I could tell so I’m fairly certain you won’t.”   


“Fairly certain?”

“Mostly certain.”

“Ah.”

“Ninety percent.”

“That’s pretty good.”

“M’hmm.”

“Highest score I ever got at anything.”

Abby laughed, “You’re silly. I like you like this, you know. When you aren’t so… boisterous.”

“Boisterous?”

“Yeah. You know, like, rowdy.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You’re almost charming this way. I don’t know why you don’t act like this all the time.”

“Well, maybe I just don’t wanna ruin every other guy’s chances in this dump. If everybody knew what I was really like, I’d have ‘em lined up all the way to the atrium.”

“I’m sure you would.”

“Yeah?” Just a little closer and he was pretty thrilled at the way she didn’t flinch back from him. “Would you be at the front of that line?”

The playful smirk was back, “I feel like high-maintenance nice girls like me probably don’t stand in lines with the common folk.”

“Damn straight you don’t.” He cupped her cheek with his palm and watched as confusion made her eyes go wide. Still no fear there though. Not like before. His thumb brushed across her lips and he whispered, “Don’t suppose you have ‘kiss a boy goodnight’ on that list, do you?”

“I…” Her brows knit together, “I can’t really remember right this second.”

“If it ain’t, it probably should be, dontcha think?” Butch leaned down but paused just before making a connection. This moment was too big to ruin by being a bull in a china shop. “You gonna let me kiss you goodnight, sweetheart?”

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”   


“Aren’t you technically on a date with Susie right now?”

Shit. There it was. The downside to being with a nice girl is they actually had things like morals and were always wanting to do the right thing. Even when the right thing sucked. “Uh… yeah.”

“Thank you for walking me home.” She hesitated for a moment before kissing his cheek. “There. Kissed a boy goodnight. That’s another one checked off.”

He stepped back and nodded, “Sure, I guess that counts.”

Abby opened her door and stepped halfway inside, “You’ve been a real good sport tonight. Thanks for that.”

“A good sport?”

“M’hmm. I kinda ruined your evening with my… you know.” She winced, “I bet when you woke up this morning, you didn’t think you’d be wasting all your time taking care of me instead of having fun with your friends. I’m so sorry. I should have just had you send for Daddy but every time I have one of those episodes, he treats me like a baby for weeks after and I hate that. But still, it was selfish of me to let you get involved like you did. I feel like I kinda forced you into babysitting me. Just because I don’t care about prom and this stuff definitely doesn’t mean  _ you _ don’t care. You were a perfect gentleman and so nice about the whole thing and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that. Please tell Susie I’m so sorry and that it’s all my fault.”

Butch frowned, “You think I spent tonight hanging out with you just cause I felt like I had to?”

“Why else would you?”

“I… cause… Abby, I…” This would be the perfect moment to spill his guts if she wasn’t looking at him like he was just doing his neighborly duty. Like he hadn’t wished for weeks that he could’ve asked her to the dance. Like she hadn’t knocked the wind out of him looking the way she did tonight.

Like he hadn’t just had the greatest night of his life hanging out with her and reveling in the feel of her finally trusting, maybe even  _ liking,  _ him.

He closed the distance between them, held her face between his hands and kissed her. Not soft and gentle like the last time, but hard and full of frustrated lust. He poured everything he had into it and when she shivered and gasped, he took the opportunity to deepen it. His tongue sweeping across hers and tasting the lingering sweetness from the punch. If his stupid mouth couldn’t get the damn sentiment out the right way, then the least it could do was convey how he felt without words.

When he finally broke off and raised his head, they were both breathless. Her eyes were wide and startled and dark. Softer. Not heated like he’d hoped she’d be, but definitely something was there. Something way down deep. Maybe.

He was all too aware of the empty quarters behind her. Tempting him. Part of him was convinced if he just kept going, kept pushing her along, she’d let him in. Start nice and slow on the couch and then, if he really tried hard and did everything right, maybe she’d even let him into her bed. Maybe even into her heart.

That was probably just wishful thinking though.

Butch pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, “Go take your bath, angel.”

“O-okay.”

“And uh… lock the door behind you, alright? You’re all by yourself and it’s, uh…” Too much temptation. “Dangerous.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see ya.” One last little kiss on the top of her head because he was apparently a masochist who just couldn’t help himself and he walked away. He didn’t look back. Couldn’t. If he did, chances were very good he’d further ruin this carefully cultivated gentlemanly image he was building with her.

“Goodnight, Butch.”

He raised his hand and nodded but still kept his eyes forward. “G’night, Abby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from Rose Kennedy.


	5. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than the other girls.

**_July 2279_ **

Abby yawned and stretched as her Pipboy announced the arrival of a new day with its incessant buzzing. She switched it off and slowly managed to get her eyes open, scowling up at the ceiling. It was  _ early. _ Far earlier than she normally woke up. Why on earth would she…

She suddenly sat up, grinning. Lamplight. Today she was going to Lamplight!

The excitement got her through getting up and brushing her teeth, bounding down the stairs humming to herself. Waddy was already in the kitchen preparing the ground silt bean water that passed for coffee out here and he handed her a mug as she danced in.

“Excited, doctor?”

“It’s a Lamplight day.”

“Ah, yes. The  _ dear _ children.” He returned to scrambling mirelurk eggs, but kept an aperture on her just the same. “It’s really _quite_ touching how _generous_ you are with your time and limited resources when it comes to them.”

She gave him a sympathetic pout, “Are you still grumpy because I told you we can’t afford that new finish for you yet?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea of what you mean, I’m sure. It’s just remarkable to me that a respected doctor such as yourself isn’t interested in living the lifestyle one would  _ assume _ a respected doctor would live.”

Abby’s head tilted, “Wadsworth, do you remember your original owners?”

“Of course I do.”

“What’d they do for a living?”

“Mr. Wilson was the manager of a Super Duper Mart and Mrs. Wilson clipped coupons.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Wilson? They didn’t live near Andale by any chance, did they?”

“I believe so. It’s been a while since those memories have been accessed. I’m afraid my circuits are suffering from a minor case of bit rot, so it’s hard to say. Why do you ask?”

“I know some Wilsons out of Andale.”

“Small world, isn’t it?”

“Apparently.”

“Ah… Doctor Lane?”

“Hmm?”

“My sensors indicate our guest is awake.”

“Our guest?” She frowned at him, turning towards the living room. “I don’t remember a… oh.  _ Oh.” _

_ Butch DeLoria _ was sitting up on  _ her  _ couch in  _ her  _ house. Rubbing the sand out of his eyes and yawning in that overly large way all boys seemed to have. Barely even decent with just his boxers on. What sort of ill-mannered guest sleeps on your furniture nearly naked?!

He finally seemed to wake fully and immediately grinned when his eyes landed on her. “Hey.”

“Good morning.”

“I uh… I like this look. You should walk around like that more often.”

Abby frowned again and looked down at herself. Heat flooded into her face when she realized she was still just wearing a men’s undershirt and a pair of panties. She set her coffee down with a thump and her arms automatically went over her chest to shield her body from his lascivious gaze. “Stop looking at me!”

“Why?”

“Because I said so!”

“Alright.” He dutifully covered his eyes, yet the grin remained. “You can’t do nothin’ about what I already saw though.”

“That’s… I…  _ Wadsworth!” _

The Mister Handy hovered nearby with two plates. “Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you say anything!?”

“I did. I told you he was awake.”

“That’s not… ugh.” She stomped back upstairs, glaring at them the entire time. “You’re both _impossible!”_

Wadsworth followed her movement with an eye and set the plates down on the coffee table. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset. You’ve never cared what you were wearing when Mr. Charon is around. Is Mr. DeLoria different somehow?”

She shouted down from her room, “Of course not!”

“Then why are you yelling?”

“I’m just… it’s…”

Butch cautiously ate a forkful of eggs before giving Wadsworth a thumbs up. “Don’t worry about it. She’s just shy.”

Wadsworth scoffed, “Doctor Lane?  _ Shy? _ Oh, come now. Pull the other actuator.”

He was already finished with his eggs and onto his second cup of coffee when Abby stomped back downstairs in jeans and a sleeveless shirt. She'd even pulled back that gorgeous waterfall of hair into a tight braid. “Aw, you had to cover up everything?”

She paused on the landing and glared at him, “Listen, if you’re going to work for me, we need to get one thing straight right now.”

“Okay.”

“I am not going to put up with inappropriate behavior out of you or anybody else, are we clear?”

“Crystal.”

“So no more of your foolishness or your weird fake flirting --”

“Fake?”

“-- and while we’re on the subject, I would greatly appreciate it if you kept the drinking to a minimum while we’re together. I don’t care what you do on your own time, but we both know how you get when you drink, and I’d really just rather  _ not _ if it’s all the same to you.”

He was still kind of stuck on the idea that she thought all his flirting with her was just a joke, but now he had a whole new set of questions. “How I get when I drink? What’s that supposed to mean?”

She sat down in a nearby chair and took her plate, “You know very well what it means.”

Butch thought hard but for the life of him honestly couldn’t remember ever bullying her while sauced. “I really don’t.”

“Oh, come now. You know you get… _ affectionate _ when you've had a few.”

“Affectionate?”

“That’s right.”

“Well, what's wrong with that? Maybe I’m just a friendly kinda guy.”

“If you’re going to try to be  _ that _ kind of friendly, this isn’t going to work.”

“Wait, what? I feel like we’re having two totally different conversations here.”

“If you find yourself having needs, I can direct you to several very nice ladies who would be happy to provide in exchange for a reasonable amount of caps.”

“What?!”

“Or you could always go visit the vault, I guess.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Abby, what the hell are you talking about? My  _ needs? _ What’s that all about?”

She barely raised an eyebrow, like he was the one being obtuse here. “Your sexual needs, of course.”

He nearly choked on his coffee, “Excuse me?!”

“Why are you embarrassed? There’s nothing wrong with --”

“I ain’t embarrassed!”

“Oh… my apologies. Your face turned red, so I just assumed.”

Butch fumed in silence and watched her inhale her eggs. She was clearly warning him off being ‘affectionate’ with her, but that didn’t make any sense. They’d only had a bare handful of moments back when they were kids. Not even anything PG really. A couple of kisses and that was it. How’d she…

“You think I only kissed you those times cause I was drunk?”

She shrugged, “Weren’t you?”

"No!"

“Both times you admitted to drinking.”

“I…” Well, yeah, that was true. The first time he’d picked the lock on his ma’s liquor cabinet and helped himself to a half a bottle of vodka, then he’d stumbled across Abby in her father’s office. The second time, on prom night, he’d been pounding back anything he could get his hands on so Susie didn’t wear on his nerves quite so bad and then he’d found Abby in the basement. But he’d had over an hour to sober up between that and kissing her goodnight at her door. “That’s not why I did it. Either time.”

“Oh. Then why --”

“I did it cause I wanted to!”

“Oh… oh, right. The bingo thing.”

“The bingo thing?”

“Yeah, I figured you needed to kiss me and Amata to have gotten to every girl in our class. You know, like a bingo card.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“And then the second time, we had been talking about my milestones and all. It must’ve really bothered you, huh? That I was going to count a kiss on the cheek as a proper kiss goodnight.” She laughed, “You really surprised me both times! I bet my face looked so funny… but that was then, and this is now, and I don’t have room in my life for silliness like that anymore. And I certainly don’t want you ever getting the wrong idea so if we could just leave all that in the past, then that would be great. If not, there’s the door and you’re free to leave at any time.”

The words were harsh but the tone wasn’t. Those moments had meant everything to him but for her, they were nothing but him being a weirdo or somethin’. They stared at each other for a minute, her smiling blandly and him trying to figure out if this would ever be enough. If she was only ever capable of feeling friendship here, would that be enough for him or would it be better to leave now and start trying to get over her?

How the hell were you supposed to get over a feeling you’d had your whole damn life though?

She passed off her dishes to Wadsworth and stood, “I need to go to Lamplight today and I like to get there early. So… if you’re still interested in that job, you should get dressed. If not, you’re free to stay until I get back or I can drop you off somewhere.”

“I’m still interested.”

He’d always be interested. He was only foolin’ himself thinking he could ever get over her. The last two years of his life had proven that. They’d been nothing but sheer torture. Worrying over her, imagining her in ever-worsening scenarios. Terrified that she'd died or been enslaved or worse. It killed him that she’d obviously gone through so much shit and he hadn’t been there to protect her or even just help.

She was harder now. That icy shell had turned into steel or somethin’ but he wasn’t giving up just yet. He could still remember the way her eyes had sparkled for him once upon a time and he was going to hold tight onto those memories like they were a life preserver. He’d just have to change his approach a little. Find a way to make her come to him. He could do that. He just… needed to figure out what she was missing and then show her he could provide it, right? Everybody had something they wanted or needed outta life.

His ma needed acknowledgement and affection, never got neither, so she drank instead. He’d needed the same, so he’d become a bully and a tomcat. Abby clearly needed something and wasn’t getting it, so she’d become this impervious ice sculpture where she’d once been just a girl with a bit of frost around the edges.

So what was it? What was the difference between her life back then and her life today? That was the first thing he needed to figure out. He had to keep an eye on everyone around her and how she acted with each person. See how she responded to different people and situations.

Then he’d have a better idea of how to play this.

“Okay, great.” She went to the lockers set up in the corner and started rifling through them. “I’ll get my stuff ready and you can go change, okay?”

“Sure.”

“And grab your jacket. You’ll need it.”

Abby kept her head in the lockers until she heard him head up the stairs and breathed a sigh of relief. Being around him was already harder than she’d assumed it would be. This was probably a terrible idea, but at least when it didn’t work out, she could say she’d tried, right?

Sarah and Cross were always telling her what a bad idea it was to go around by herself all the time. That being the Lone Wanderer didn’t have to be a literal thing. The Brotherhood weren’t fond of ghouls, but they’d been okay with her having Charon at her back. The moment she’d dropped him off with Carol, though, she’d been getting pointed messages about opsec and regulations sent to her PipBoy. That it was highly irregular for knights to go around without an escort. Even more so for a knight like her, who bordered more on scribe. Maybe she could swing by the Citadel and let them see she had Butch with her? Or would that just make it worse?

She frowned to herself as she thought out every probable scenario. Sarah would immediately dislike him. Cross would get that stoic, long-suffering look the moment he started talking. Elder Lyons would… well, he might actually get a hoot out of the entire experience. He was fairly silly himself these days. Ugh, but Arthur. Ever since that deathclaw, and the onset of adolescent hormones, he’d become overeager to prove himself. There was a strong chance there that he’d openly challenge Butch to some kind of traditional Brotherhood exhibition battle or something equally ridiculous. She considered herself fairly well-versed on the Codex with having memorized it and all, but Arthur was unparalleled in his ability to interpret things in new and unexpected, if annoyingly accurate, ways.

It would be awful if Butch’s recent progress was set back by an ego-crushing defeat at the hands of some overly combative teenager.

She slipped on her jacket and grabbed her and Charon’s helmets before dragging the two duffel bags of supplies towards the door. Lamplight would probably be a good test run for if this whole arrangement was going to be sustainable or not. See if Butch had really, truly changed or if this were all some strange performance piece designed to… well, she didn’t really know. Figuring out people’s motivations wasn’t exactly in her wheelhouse.

He clomped down the stairs in his regular jeans and t-shirt. The wide, delighted grin he gave her when he saw they now wore matching jackets was kinda nice. It had been rare to see him genuinely happy back when they were kids. Now he got excited over the silliest little things.

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

He immediately stopped and frowned in confusion. “What?”

“Marcus Aurelius.”

“Uh… okay.” Butch gestured towards her and the grin was suddenly back. “Lookin’ good, Doc!”

“Thank you. Your jacket comes in handy sometimes.”

“It’s your jacket now.”

“Right.” She held up a helmet. “Here. You can use Charon’s for now, but we’ll have to get you your own if you do decide to stay.”

“Course I’m stayin’.” He immediately plunked it on his head. “So uh… why exactly do I gotta wear this?”

“Safety first.”

“Right, right. Yeah. Safety first.” His eyes landed on the bags behind her and he hefted them up. “Alright. Ready to hit it?”

“Yes. Wadsworth! I’m leaving now!”

“Back tomorrow?”

“Or tonight.”

He scoffed, “You never turn down an invitation to stay over at Lamplight.”

“Well, maybe they won’t invite me this time.”

“And maybe tomorrow I’ll sprout wings and fly to Tahiti.”

“Oh, Waddy. Really now.”

“Bon voyage, Doctor Lane. Safe travels.”

“Thank you.” She locked the door behind them and lead Butch out of Megaton. “Do you know anything about the history of Lamplight?”

“Nah, I just know it’s all squirts. Right? Nothin’ but kids?”

“That’s right. Lamplight was established shortly after the bombs fell by a group of school children who were on a field trip. The adults in their party all abandoned them, either by choice or just because of circumstances beyond their control. The cave they were in backed up to a vault, and they tried to get in, but the vault scientist who heard them was already experiencing psychological difficulties and thought they were apparitions. The children decided adults were untrustworthy, so they're not allowed to live in the cave. When a Lamplighter turns sixteen, they age out and have to leave."

"Dang. All the grownups just split on them? Really?"

"Really. Though, given what we were taught the wasteland was like right after the bombs fell, I have to believe most didn't _mean_ to leave twenty some odd children alone and defenseless during a nuclear apocalypse."

"Hmm." He wasn't so sure. Adults, in his experience, tended to be selfish assholes. Especially the ones in power. "So you couldn't live there?"

"Nope. I can stay for visits because I'm useful and I've never lied to them, but I can't live there."

"Huh." If they wouldn't even accept an adult like Abby, he was a little nervous about the reception he was gonna get. Especially after almost getting his toe amputated by a 5.56 the last time he poked his head in. "They won't mind you bringing me?"

"Well… ultimately it's the mayor's decision on if you can stay or not, but they've never minded Charon or Cross, so --"

"Who's Cross?"

"She's a paladin I'm friends with."

He laughed, "You say that so casual like. Ain't paladins supposed to be some big deal out here?"

"I guess. They're still just people though." She paused while they waited for the main gate to open, seemingly indifferent to the loud scraping sound of metal on metal.

Butch winced, “Sounds like the vault door, don’t it?”

“Does it?”

He didn’t like the strangely blank look on her face, but decided to pretend like it wasn’t there for now. “Sun’s so bright. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.”

“The moon’s nice though.”

“Yeah! Yeah, moonlight is… somethin’ else.” He followed her along past Deputy Weld, the protectron in charge of greeting newcomers, around the corner. “It’s pretty, right?”

“What?”

“Moonlight.”

“Oh… yes, I suppose it is. Forgiving, anyway.” Abby stopped by a little recess in the wall and tugged a tarp free. “We’ll be riding this today. It’s too far to walk with so much --”

“You got a  _ bike?!” _ Butch immediately dropped both bags and hurried over to reverently ghost his hands over the chrome.

“It’s a Dream.”

“You’re damn right it is!”

“No, I mean, it’s called a Dream. That’s the model name.”

“Oh… this custom work?”

“Yes. There’s this man I met named Tinker Joe. He usually works with robots, but he came across this and said I should have it.”

“It’s gorgeous.”

“Thanks.”

He traced the decal painted onto the gas tank. “Got one of them fancy things on it like the Brotherhood put on all their power armor.”

“It’s the official sigil. There’s a tracker, too, so they can come find me if something really bad happens.”

“Dang. You’re friends with the whole Brotherhood? Not just the paladin?”

“I’m technically a knight.” When he didn’t have anything to say to that, just stared at her with his mouth gaped open, she sighed. “I know. I don’t really fit the type.”

“Nah, it’s just… I mean…  _ shit, _ kitten. I knew you _did_ shit for ‘em but I didn’t know you were actually one of ‘em. There any other super powerful groups you’re attached to? You an Unstoppable on the weekends or somethin’?”

“No… well, I do some work for Reilly’s Rangers --”

“The goddamn  _ Rangers?!” _

“-- but that’s pretty rare.”

Abby waited for a response, but he was doing his best fish impersonation at her again, so she just shrugged and backed the bike up, setting it up facing the smoothest route to the road. Getting it started was always the hardest part. Tinker Joe hadn’t been able to find a self-start mechanism for it, so it relied on the old fashioned kick-start to spark an ignition. Which would be fine except she still weighed what an average twelve year old girl did.

When Charon was around, he could easily start it. No effort at all. But since he wasn’t, she put down the sidestand, braced herself with the handlebars and jumped as hard as she could on the starter. It took a few hops, but finally the engine roared to life before settling down to its regular idle.

“There. Okay. Now we can go.” She climbed on and scooted a little more forward than she normally would so he’d have room before putting her own helmet on and zipping up her jacket. Butch was still staring at her like he’d never seen her before and it was kind of starting to make her feel uncomfortable, though she couldn’t exactly say why. She stared back at him for a full five seconds, tapping her finger impatiently. “Well? Are you coming or not?”

“Yeah! Yeah, sorry. I’m just… sorry.” He quickly got both duffels situated on his back and climbed on behind her. “Uh… where, uh… where should I put my hands?”

Oh, for heaven’s sake. Abby flipped the kickstand up and walked them along on her tiptoes, trying to get a feel for the way the balance had shifted before starting off. “You’re probably going to want to hang on.”

“Right. Right, I uh, I just didn’t wanna, you know, be disrespectful.”

“Sure. Thanks, I guess.”

“Yeah.” He set his hands on her hips and was surprised when she moved them so his arms were wrapped around her. “Uh…”

“It’s going to feel weird at first. Just try to stay on the bike, okay? I’ll go slow.”

“Okay.” Weird was an understatement. The whole thing vibrated beneath them and if that hadn’t already been enough to give him half a chub, being pressed up against her like this, practically spooning, would’ve. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t notice it, but he definitely noticed. He was just thankful he’d decided to wear underwear today.

“If something tries to attack us, don’t worry about it. Just keep your head down. It takes practice to learn how to shoot while in motion, so I’ll handle it.”

“That happen a lot?”

“The sound can draw predators, but it’s already muffled as much as possible. Tinker’s working on a silent engine that’s powered by fusion cores, but it’s going to be a while before he’s finished.”

“Oh.”

There was a small hill they coasted down before she brought the bike out of neutral and his arms reflexively tightened as it suddenly lurched forward under its own power. Another apology was on the tip of his tongue but then they were  _ moving _ and he wasn’t sure he could speak if he tried. They bounced and dipped over the rough terrain until they landed with squealing tires on what was left of the street that ran through Springvale and headed north.

Once on the road, they quickly picked up speed and Butch grinned. If this was slow, he couldn’t wait to see what fast looked like. They zipped past the vault and he took the opportunity to flip ‘em the bird. Childish, maybe, but still extremely satisfying. If only those jerks could see them now.

The only thing better than racing along was when they were airborne. If he didn’t know any better, he’d almost think she was showing off a little, but that wasn’t Abby. Every jump she took she no doubt had to. Not that he would really know since he kept his eyes closed most of the time. The weightless feeling of soaring never failed to fill his stomach and always left him giddy. He couldn’t stop laughing after a particularly steep one and Abby glanced back at him, a puzzled but amused expression in her eyes.

Butch shouted to be heard over the engine. “Feels like flyin’!” Also kinda felt like fuckin’ if he was being one hundred percent honest here, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud.

She nodded, “Yeah!”

By the time they started west, he was comfortable enough to not have to cling quite so tightly to her, but was wrestling with the decision on whether or not to in his mind. On one hand, how many opportunities was he really going to get to be pressed so close to her without her getting mad about it? On the other, he didn’t want her to think he was some kinda baby.

He eventually split the difference. Keeping his hands on her hips but leaning back up a bit so he could take in their surroundings. A few guys in power armor waved at them as they passed and he even managed to wave back. Abby took them up a small ridge and paused at the top, pointing off in the distance at some pre-war military installation.

“See that? Fort Bannister?”

“Yeah.”

“Talon Company’s headquarters. Brotherhood’s been having problems with them stealing Aqua Pura.”

“Fuckers.”

“Yeah. Probably have to do something about that eventually.”

“The Brotherhood or us?”

She shrugged, “I dunno yet.”

“You really wanna take on all that? Aren’t they some kinda army or somethin’?”

“I guess, but so was the Enclave.”

“Heh.” It was kinda hot how bored she sounded by the whole thing. Like taking out a whole fort full of bad guys was just another walk in the park. “They won’t know what hit ‘em once the Tunnel Snakes roll up in there.”

Abby laughed, “Sure.”

He whooped and hugged her tightly as they raced off again. “Tunnel Snakes rule! Woo!” He couldn't hear her laughter over the wind and the roar of the engine, but he could feel it and that was almost better.

They arrived at Lamplight barely a half hour after they’d started and he couldn’t help but pout over it. He didn’t really want to get off the bike yet, and his legs were a little shaky, but Abby was already killing it, taking off her helmet and unzipping her jacket, so there was no getting out of it.

He hopped off first so she could climb down and took off his own helmet, fussing over his hair a little. “I got helmet hair over here.”

“I doubt the kids will notice.”

Oh, like it was the kids he was worried about. “True.” He fell in behind her and eyed her braid. It was longer than it had been in the old days by a lot. Fell nearly to her waist when it was loose. “You ain’t cut your hair once since you’ve been out here, have you?”

She sighed and kept pushing the bike along into the cave. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Lots of reasons. I was busy. Scissors are hard to come by. Snowflake claims to be able to do hair but hasn’t actually had any in two hundred years --”

“Snowflake?”

“The hair stylist in Underworld.”

“A ghoul barber?”

“No, he’s quite adamant that he’s a stylist.”

“Psh… you finally gonna let me cut it then, Rapunzel? Or you just gonna keep letting it grow forever?”

“I dunno. Maybe I’ll just have Cross give me a buzzcut like she’s always talking about.” When he didn’t have anything to say to that, Abby glanced over his shoulder and immediately laughed at the outraged expression on his face. “What?”

“I don’t care if she’s a paladin or not, you let her anywhere  _ near  _ your hair and I’m gonna blow my top!”

“Oh, honestly.”

A gleeful voice rang out from above the gate ahead of them. “Hey, look what the little kitty-cat dragged in! You pulled another mungo outta your hat for target practice! Thanks, Abra!”

Abby smiled up at the darker shadow within the shadows, “What’s with the dramatics, kiddo? Why’s it so dark?”

“Havin’ some electrical issues. You know how it goes.”

“Oh. Do you need any help?”

“Nah, Zip’s on it.”

“Zip?”

“Yeah, turns out he’s pretty good with that kinda thing. Who knew, right?”

“Is he still off the Nuka?”

RJ laughed, “Fuck no. He lasted about five minutes after you left last time and went right back to it. Suckin’ ‘em on down like a baby on a fat tit.”

Butch stomped up until he was right beside her and shouted, “Hey! Watch your mouth around a lady, pipsqueak!”

She sighed and shook her head, mumbling. “Shouldn’t have said that.  _ Why _ would you say that?”

The shadow moved, jumping down from the gate and walking towards them with an exaggerated swagger. Abby thought he kind of looked like a gunslinger from some old cowboy movie as he emerged from the darkness. A cocky grin on his face and his bright blue eyes twinkling with malicious mischief. Butch had given him a perfect moment to show off and he was going to take it and run like he always did.

She gave him a tightlipped smile and stepped to the side, respectfully keeping her eyes down. Already resigned to let whatever was going to happen happen. This was supposed to be the big test anyway, right? See if Butch had truly turned over a new leaf or if he was still the same old bully underneath.

RJ stepped up to him and glared. He was taller than Abby by a handspan already but still almost a half foot shorter than Butch. Not that he seemed to care about the difference in height, or muscle mass.

Then again, why would he care? This was his town. This was  _ Lamplight _ and in Lamplight, RJ MacCready was as close to a god as a fourteen year old boy could get.

“The fuck you say to me, shiteater?”

“Here we go.” Abby rubbed her forehead and glanced over at the gate, but no help was forthcoming. Surely to goodness someone with sense would have run for Lucy at this point. She hoped.

“I said you should watch your goddamn mouth when you’re in the presence of a lady, you fuckin’ brat.”

She wondered if Butch knew what irony was.

“A lady?!” RJ snorted, “You better get your eyes checked, buddy. Ain’t no lady here I can see. It’s just little ol' Abra, draggin’ in some piece of dogshit on the bottom of her boot.” He shot her a smile and winked, “That’s alright though. I forgive you. Happens to everybody at some point, right? Fuck it.”

“Thank you, Mayor.”

“Yeah.” He turned his attention back to Butch. “See? I got a soft spot for her. It’s no secret. That spot ain’t big enough for some dick-stain like you to hide in though, so a little piece of advice?  _ You _ better watch  _ your _ mouth in  _ my _ town, assface. Or I’ll watch it for you.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“Christ, he’s as stupid as he is ugly.” He rolled his eyes, “Where’d you find this one, Abs? Wandering the wastes with his thumb up his ass?”

“We grew up together.”

“Grew up together? Huh.” His eyes narrowed thoughtfully, studying her before shouting back at the gate.  _ “Hey! _ I need a pair of assholes to come help Abracadabra with her shit!”

Knock Knock and Bumble immediately came running out, confirming to Abby that the entirety of Lamplight was no doubt standing just behind the gate with their ears pressed against it. She smiled at the girls and handed them the bag full of toys and games, keeping the heavier one full of medical supplies for herself.

“Take that to Joseph, alright? I’ll be in the clinic.” She waited until they took off again before turning back to RJ and whispering, “Please be nice.”

“Sure.” The impish grin he gave her didn’t do a lot to assuage her worry. “Anything for you, hot stuff. We’re just gonna have a little talk. Man to man. Nothin’ for you to worry about.”

“Uh-huh.” Her eyes went to Butch and she frowned, “Behave yourself.”

“I’ll see you in there, alright?” He watched her go and then glowered when he realized the kid was watching her, too. “Hey. Keep your eyes in your head where they belong, Romeo. Ain’t none of that for you.”

“Ain’t for you neither, is it?” RJ smirked up at him. “Don’t think it escaped my attention that she  _ didn’t _ say you were friends. Every other mungo fuck she brings in here, it’s my friend this and my friend that. You, however? She just grew up with you. Which says nothin’ good since we all know 101 is full up of shit-for-brains assholes and douchebags. So what’s your angle here, slick? You just ridin’ coattails, or you trying to ride somethin’ else?”

“Excuse me?! Are you  _ tryin’ _ to get popped in the mouth?”

“Yeah, you go ahead and try it, dumbass.” He jerked a thumb towards the gate, “I got a whole army of bastards and orphans at my back and even if I didn’t, I could still take you all on my own. Shit, I don't even need a gun to do it. You really wanna know what it feels like to get your ass handed to you by a kid? Come at me, mungo. I’ll spank that candy-ass of yours all across the wastes. Then I’ll go fuck your mom and make you call me Daddy.”

He wanted nothing more than to smack this kid around, but he knew better. He wasn’t going to lay hands on some pintsized jerk that, for some completely unknowable reason, Abby actually liked. Five years ago, he woulda. Woulda and then some. But he was a grown ass man now.

He put his hands in his pockets and went for mature indifference. “I don’t beat up babies.”

“Sure. Whatever you say, dickless. But you also don’t get to come into my town without my permission, so maybe you wanna try again and…” He glowered at Butch’s eyeroll. “Okay, buddy. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll get lucky and find that little peabrain you must have rattlin’ around back in there. Have fun sleepin’ out here all alone on the cold cave floor. I’mma be warm in bed sandwiched between Abra and Luce like the luckiest sonofabitch on the planet tonight.” He gave him a cheeky grin and waggled his eyebrows. “Maybe if they’re  _ really _ good girls I’ll even let ‘em get some sleep, eh?”

Butch and RJ glared at each other, engaged in a wordless staring contest until Butch smirked. “You know what? You kinda remind me of me when I was your age.”

His whole face scrunched up in disgust, “Ugh. Gross.”

“Heh.”   


“Don’t say shit like that. Gonna make me barf.” He folded his arms and thought it over a minute, “Well… I guess if I don’t let you in, she’s just gonna worry about you. Maybe. Then I’ll never get any sleep with all her wigglin’ and shit.” He sighed heavily, “Fine. You can come in. But the first time you fuck up, you’re out. Don’t test me.”

He held his hands up, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You can park the bike by the gate. I’ll spread the word that you’re allowed.”

“Thanks, kid.”

“It’s Mayor MacCready to you.”

“Right. Thanks, Mac.”

“No problem, Bitch.”

“It’s  _ Butch.” _

“Hey! I know what I said and I stand by every word.”

Lucy and Abby were watching from behind the gate and quickly headed back to the clinic once RJ started back so they wouldn’t get caught.

“See? I told you he’d be reasonable.”

“Oh, I had every faith in RJ, of course. He’s a peach. It’s Butch I was worried about.”

Lucy giggled and held the door open for her, “He is a peach, isn’t he?”

“M’hmm.” Abby busied herself with unpacking the duffle and handing off things to Lucy.

“You know… I caught him in the fungus pool the other day.” She lowered her voice to a scandalized whisper.  _ “With his shirt off.” _

“Why was he in the fungus pool?”

“I dunno, but…” She was bright pink now. “He was so cute.”

Abby tsked at her, “Lucy. We’ve been over this.”

“I know, I know. It’s hormones and puberty does weird things to your brain.”

“That’s right.”

“But he  _ is _ so cute, isn’t he?” She pouted, “Come on, Doc. I can’t talk to anybody else about this stuff since Red left.”

She sighed and nodded, “Okay. Proceed.”

“Thank you!” She hugged her and happily bounced over to the storage cabinet, organizing a shelf full of Buffout. “He’s gotten a lot, y’know, musclier --”

“Muscular.”

“Right, muscular. In the past few months.”

“He’s probably about to hit another growth spurt, so it’s normal for him to have bulked up a bit.”

“Yeah, and he’s just… he’s getting so tall.”

“Yes, he is.”

“His eyes are so dreamy.”

Her eyes were looking a little dreamy themselves and Abby chuckled, “Lucy, honey, you’re putting those on the wrong shelf.”

“Oh. Oh! Right.” She quickly moved the bottles to where they were supposed to go. “Do you think he’ll ever notice me?”

“He notices you all the time, doesn’t he? You two talk almost constantly.”

“Yeah, as friends.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I wanna be _more_ than friends.”

“You’re only thirteen.”

“I know! I didn’t mean like… go all the way or whatever, just… I wish he’d kiss me or  _ something.” _

“Well, have you ever told him you’d like to be kissed?” Teenage romance wasn’t exactly something she was overly familiar with or anything, but it had always seemed to her that a lot of drama could be avoided if people were simply open with what they wanted.  _ Pride and Prejudice _ could have been about a hundred pages shorter if everyone had just been honest with each other.

“No! Oh, my God, Abby! You can’t just tell a boy you want him to kiss you!”

“Why not?”

“I… I dunno! You just don’t!”

She frowned, “It seems silly not to. Maybe he’s waiting for you to say something first.” She shrugged, “Who knows?”

“You… do you really think so?”

“I honestly have no idea, honey. I’m not… I was never really… I never had a boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Lucy’s head tilted thoughtfully, “What about that guy though? Butch?”

“What about him?”

“He’s not your boyfriend?”

Abby snorted with laughter, “Of course he isn’t!”

“Don’t laugh! It’s a completely reasonable question!”

“Not really.” She tried to get the giggling under control but it took her a moment. “He was like… the RJ to my Princess. We did  _ not _ get along as kids.”

“The RJ to your…”, her eyes went wide. “He didn’t hit you, did he?”

“More than a few times, yes.”

“Why?!”

She shrugged, “I dunno. He always just seemed angry whenever I was around.”

“You’re nothing like Princess though.”

“Well, he’s nothing like RJ, I was just using that as a --”

“I can’t believe he’d hit you!”

“Lucy, calm down, please.”

“It’s not right! I’m gonna have RJ throw him out right this minute!”

She caught her hand as she went stomping past, “No, you’re not. That was a long time ago, and he’s apologized for it. Several times. He was even doing a lot to make amends for his behavior before I left the vault.”

“Make amends? How?”

“Well…” She let her go once she was satisfied she wasn’t going to have RJ declare war on him. “He would bring me treats sometimes. Nukas and candy or ice cream. I was always very busy in the clinic and usually didn’t get out until after the cafeteria was closed for the night, so I really appreciated that.”

“Oh… that does sound nice.”

“M’hmm. And this one time I told him my favorite color was blue and the next day I had a lovely blue vase full of yellow roses on my desk.”

Lucy had gone back to putting away stims but stopped and turned around at that. “He gave you roses?”

“Yes. Did you know that in the language of flowers, yellow roses symbolize friendship?”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

“It’s all very interesting. If I ever find a book on it, I’ll bring it by.”

“Sure… so he was mean to you though when you were kids?”

“Yeah.” She pawed through the bag and finally found the vitamins. “Aha! These are  _ super _ sour so I hope they go over well.”

“Uh-huh.” She took them but seemed distracted. “Like… how was he mean to you? What kinda stuff did he do?”

“You mean besides the spit wads and the shoving and the constant teasing?”

“Yeah.”

“Well… let's see… he broke my nose. Twice. He used to tackle me a  _ lot. _ Oh! Once, when I was really, really little, I can remember him dragging me down the hallway. I have no idea why. My father and his mother had to separate us and he kept screaming at them. Flailing around. Just completely pitching a fit. I had to stay practically glued to Daddy’s hip for I dunno how long after before he finally stopped trying to kidnap me.”

“How old were you?”

She blew out a big breath, “I dunno… maybe three or four?”

Lucy had read  _ Anne of Green Gables _ about a million times.  _ The Secret Garden _ and  _ Little Women, _ too. In all those books, whichever boy was an absolute beast as a kid almost always became the love interest when they grew up. Butch was very handsome for a mungo. Tall and tough-looking, but she’d seen how soft his face had turned when he’d looked at her friend. How wistful and sad his eyes had been.

She’d always been good at reading people. That’s part of why Red had selected her to be the next doctor for Lamplight since their patients often tumbled into town with loads of trauma and either couldn’t speak or just wouldn’t if they were injured. Red always said she had good instincts. If her hunch here was right, Abracadabra was living right in the middle of an epic romance and  _ didn’t even know it. _

“Abby?”

“Hmm?” She was already distracted again, checking off supplies from the list and tutting over the things they’d run out of since her last visit.

“Have you ever been kissed?”

Her whole body seemed to freeze in place as color slowly bloomed in her cheeks, “Um… well, yes. A few times.”

“Did you like it?”

“It was… it… well, the first time was just awful. Absolutely awful.”

“Oh.” Crap. Maybe her theory was wrong.

“But the two times after that were… nicer, I guess.” She shrugged, “Probably just a matter of experience, really. Freddy clearly had no idea what he was doing, but Butch was… _ is _ a well-known…” A little line appeared between her brows and she fixed Lucy with a stern look. “I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation for us to be having. Let’s get back to the matter at hand. You and RJ.”

“But --”

“Having a crush at your age is perfectly normal and understandable.”

“Abby, I think --”

“And you could certainly do a lot worse than RJ, in my opinion. He’s very responsible and capable for his age and seems to respect you  _ and _ like you exactly as you are, which is the most important thing to look for in a stable, healthy relationship of any kind, really.”

“Sure, but --”

“However, you’re both  _ very _ young and you are  _ so gifted,  _ sweetheart. I’d hate to see you throw away all of your potential over something as silly as romance --”

“Okay.”

“-- which is entirely overrated anyway outside of books and movies. From everything I’ve seen it only ever serves to bring about drama and confusion if not outright tragedy.”

Lucy stopped listening and focused on Abby’s body language instead. Her cheeks were still apple bright. She looked nervous and agitated. Her hands kept flitting around. Babbling on and on as though she was desperately trying to convince someone of something.

But was she trying to convince Lucy or herself here.

“I’ll be right back!”

Abby abruptly stopped talking and looked confused but relieved, “Oh. Alright.”

Lucy bolted from the clinic and jogged to RJ’s usual guard post by the gate, hiding behind a pillar and whispering. “Psst! RJ!”

His head whipped around and he grinned at her. “Hey, I was just thinking about you.”

She felt her face get hot but tried to stay focused. This wasn’t about them or how criminally cute he was or how she kept getting butterflies in her stomach whenever he was around lately. This was about something much more serious. This was  _ adult stuff. _

“I need to talk to you.”

He whispered back, “Is it a secret?” She nodded and he nodded back before yelling over his shoulder. “Penny! I gotta take care of some private business. Be back when I feel like it.”

The girl rolled her eyes, “Sure, whatever. Just leave me here all by myself. That’s cool.”

“Yeah, just keep bitchin’. If you can’t hack it alone and need a babysitter around to change your diapers and powder your ass, we can always put you at the back gate with Princess.”

He said it like the threat it was and Penny made a face but didn’t complain further. The moment he was close enough, Lucy grabbed his hand, dragged him along behind her to the ladies restroom and locked the door behind them.

RJ laughed, but seemed uncharacteristically nervous for him. “This uh… I’ve had a few dreams that started like this. Deja vu.”

“What do you think of Butch?”

He rolled his eyes and the usual him was back with full force. “That asshole’s only allowed in here because Abra brought him and even then he’s on thin fucking ice. I’m pretty sure I shot at him about a month ago when he was slinkin’ around the entrance.”

“So you don’t like him?”

He shrugged, “What’s to like? He’s an unknown mungo. It’s kinda my job as mayor to hate him on sight, right?”

“I guess.” She fidgeted a bit and stared down at her hands. Maybe RJ was the wrong person to talk to about this. Maybe she should just suck it up and make the trip to Big Town and --

“Hey.” He tipped her chin up and the sincerity in his eyes almost did her in. “What’s wrong with you? You’re actin’ weird.”

A girl could absolutely get lost in those eyes. It was like staring up at the sky. They were always so gentle and caring whenever it was just the two of them. She actually had to make herself look away before she further embarrassed herself. “I just… have a theory and no way to test it.”

“A theory about Butch?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He folded his arms and squinted with the same kind of concentration he used whenever he was sighting a target. “What’s the theory?”

“I think Butch is in love with Abby.”

RJ snorted, “So? He should take a number and get in line cause --”

“And I think she loves him but she doesn’t know it yet.”

He stopped laughing and scowled, “That… nah. Come on. Abra’s not into all that mushy crap. Anyway, she’s way too smart to fall for some jerk like that.”

“Too smart?”

“Yeah. She’s… y’know. Smart like you’re smart. Girls like you don’t… I mean, ordinary jerks don’t have a shot at...” He sighed irritably and shook his head. “You’re just too damn smart.”

Lucy blinked at him. She’d never seen him look defeated and deflated before but he did. He wouldn’t even look at her now, just kept his eyes firmly fixed on the tile floor. She took a deep breath and decided to take Abby’s advice after all.

“RJ?”

“Yeah?”

“I’d really like it if you kissed me.”

His eyes snapped up to hers, “The fuck did you just say?”

“I said I’d really like it if you kissed me.” Had her face ever felt this hot? She was pretty sure it hadn’t. Probably looked like a tato right now. Here’s hoping there was at least one vegetable he liked. “I mean, if you want to. I want you to. I’ve wanted you to for years, but --” RJ suddenly had her hand in his and yanked the door open with a bang. Pulling her out of the bathroom, heading for further back into the cave. “What’re you doing?”

“Shut up.” It came out as a snarl and made the butterflies in her tummy even worse than before.

“Okay.” She stumbled along and did her best to keep up as he led them into the darkened Great Chamber. Past the pool of water and up the twisting walkways until they were as high as they could get, suspended above the chaos with the entirety of Lamplight stretched out below. The quartz in the ceiling above softly glittering in the faint light.

He finally released her hand and bellowed out,  _ “Everybody get the fuck out right fucking now goddamnit!” _ The thunderous sound of dozens of feet scrambling to obey echoed through the cave and he waited with his hands on his hips until the last ones faded. “There. Alright.” He looked around and nodded. “This is much better.  _ This _ is the spot.”

“What?”

He turned to her and grinned, “Say it again. Right here.”

“I - I’d really like it if you kissed me?”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?”

His lips crashed into hers and Lucy squeaked in surprise. Somehow, despite knowing him her whole life and watching him never back down from anything, she hadn’t really thought he’d do it. His arms went around her and that heat that had taken up residence in her face flooded her whole body. He tasted like clove gumdrops and she knew without a doubt she’d never be able to eat them again without thinking of this exact moment.

It was over before she realized it, but he still held on tightly, like he'd never let her go. His hand buried itself in her hair and he whispered in her ear. “Been wanting to do that since forever.”

There were tears in her eyes but she had no idea why. She pressed her forehead against his neck to hide and whispered back. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Why didn’t  _ you _ say so then?”

“I never thought you’d be dumb enough to like a guy like me.”

She shook her head, “You’re wonderful.”

“And you’re perfect.” He leaned back and wiped a tear off her cheek, “You really think Abracadabra has the hots for that jerk?”

“I really do.”

“Well, I know he’s definitely into her. He’s got a working pair of eyes and all.” He huffed for a moment but finally smiled at her. “Okay. You want ‘em to happen, then we’ll make it happen.”

“How?”

“I dunno yet, but if it’ll make you happy, then I’ll figure something out.”

“You will?”

“Of course I will. I’d do anything for that smile.” He nuzzled his nose against hers and laughed, “Why do you think I’m still mayor of this dump?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie. “You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than the other girls.”
> 
> Guy woke up every morning and pounded back some 'respect women' juice while he was writing that one, I can tell you that. 👍 Okay, one last quote since it's one of my favorite books of all time and Mac is such a wonderful modern interpretation of Pan:
> 
> “Wendy," Peter Pan continued in a voice that no woman has ever yet been able to resist, "Wendy, one girl is more use than twenty boys.”
> 
> I mean... you can literally *hear* Mac saying that to Lucy in your mind, right? LOL
> 
> BTW, this Mac eventually grows up to the the Mac from one of my other stories! So if you've read 'Fuck Time', prepare for lots of incoming Easter Eggs.


	6. Adults are just outdated children.

“...It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both." Abby closed the book. “The end.”

“The end,” Bumble echoed.

“Did you like it?”

“I liked it, but it’s so sad at the end.”

“Because Charlotte passes away?”

She sniffled into her bear, “Yeah.”

“It was just her time, sweetheart. It’s alright to be sad though. Being sad after someone goes away is just proof that you really loved them.”

“I feel bad for poor Wilbur.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about him. He gets to spend the rest of his days fat and happy like a pig should be. And he gets to be an uncle of sorts for Charlotte’s daughters. That’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty good. And he’s got Fern to take care of him.”

“That’s right.”

“I liked her. She’s a lot like Lucy.”

“She is sort of like Lucy, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” She cuddled closer and peeked up towards the walkway above them before whispering. “Your friend is kinda scary.”

Abby looked, too, already scowling and fully prepared to tell him off if he was making faces or something. He was just staring off into space as far as she could see though. Nothing threatening about that.

“Why do you think he’s scary?”

“He’s _big.”_

Abby nodded, “Yes, he is, but Charon’s much bigger and you aren’t afraid of him.”

“I was at first! I thought he was the boogeyman.”

“Oh, piffle.”

“But Uncle Joseph said the boogeyman isn’t real, so I figured he must just be a person.”

“You should always listen to Joseph. He's very smart.”

“Yeah.”

“Butch won’t hurt you. You don’t have to be frightened of him.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

“Okay… Abracadabra?”

“Hmm?”

“I did something really bad.”

“Oh, I find that hard to believe.” She chuckled but stopped laughing when the girl hid her whole face in her bear. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I broke the starlight! I’m sorry!”

“You broke the… oh, the projector! Hmm. Well, how’d that happen?”

“I was watchin’ the lights go round and tripped and fell into it. Now it won’t go or light up or anything. Mayor-Mac and Lucy both said I had to tell you what I did.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay. Thank you for telling me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was just an accident. Accidents happen. You want to help me fix it?”

“Can I really?”

“Sure. Go ask Knick for the toolbox and I’ll meet you there, okay?”

“Okay!” She bounced up and took off towards the gift shop.

Abby stood a little slower and twisted to pop her lower back. You get tossed by a super mutant into a car once and your body never lets you forget it. Sitting propped up against a cold rock for an hour hadn’t done her any favors, but Bumble needed all the extra attention she could get. At eight, she was no longer the littlest Lamplighter and that had been an adjustment to say the least. Everyone else had grown weary of babying her, but Abby was determined to give her as many ‘normal’ childhood moments as she possibly could.

She headed for the Great Chamber and tried to not get annoyed by Butch following along overhead. Ever since they’d shown up here, he’d kept his distance but was clearly on some kind of self-imposed guard duty for her. Which was ridiculous. She was perfectly safe in Lamplight.

The projector did indeed look a bit dented upon approach and she sighed. It had probably been a bad idea to set it up on the floor in the first place, but being the size of a washing machine and weighing close to two hundred pounds hadn’t left her much of a choice.  She nudged it with her foot and wrinkled her nose at the squeaky sound it made. The base was loose, too. Bumble must have tumbled into it with full force.

“Hey, is that the light thing you made?”

Abby jumped as Butch somehow magically appeared behind her. Just like in the old days. She certainly hadn’t missed _ that. _ “Yes, but it’s broken.”

“Damn kids. Can’t have nothin’ nice.”

“It was just an accident.”

“Want some help?”

“I already have help coming.”

RJ snickered as he joined them, “Oh, yeah. She has lots of help coming around here.”

She frowned in confusion at his odd tone and the way Butch suddenly looked like he wanted to put him through a wall. “What?”

“Say that again, Mac. I dare ya. I _double dog_ dare ya.”

He stared at him with wide, guileless eyes before pouting at her. “What’d I say? Why’s he gotta be so mean for?”

The poor kid. Butch was probably the closest thing to an actual man they’d had in Lamplight in…  _ ever _ so far as she knew. The first potential male role model to come along and here he was picking on RJ for no reason.

She stepped between them and glared at him, “Leave him alone, Butch. He’s just a boy.”

RJ sniffled a little and shuffled over for a hug, “Yeah. I’m just a boy.” He snuggled up behind her, arms loosely flung around her waist while she patted his hands reassuringly. The smirk he leveled at Butch over her shoulder before resuming his pitiful mien was nothing short of vicious. “You’re gonna stay over tonight, right, Abra?”

“If that’s what you want, I’d be happy to.”

He was moving from side to side now, pulling her along with him as he swayed. “Lucy got a new mattress. Bought it off a trader who’d cleared out some old furniture store. It was still in the plastic and everything. Wanna have a slumber party? We could play crazy eights or somethin'.”

“Sure! That sounds fun.”

“Yeah.” He grinned at Butch. “It  _ does _ sound fun, doesn’t it?”

“M'hmm. Oh, there’s Bumble with the kit. I’m going to try to fix this projector while I’m here.”

“Great.” RJ bussed her cheek just for good measure before letting her go, chuckling at the way Butch stormed off.

Guy was clearly into her enough to be completely stupid about it. They’d been right on that at least. Operation Cupid was a go. His eyes went up to where Lucy was hiding in the eaves of the cave and nodded at her. She gave him a thumbs up and scurried off to start her part of the plan.

He crouched down by Abby and watched her sort through the tools before she started tinkering, “So… you and that big gorilla really grew up together?”

“Hmm? Oh. Yes, we did.”

“I didn't even know they could stack brahmin shit that high. Guess they had all types in the vault, huh?”

“People are people everywhere you go.”

“Yeah… he’s not secretly some sorta genius like you though, right? Kinda seems like a blockhead to me.”

“Oh, I don’t know if that’s fair. Butch is very clever in his own way.”

“Hmm.” Taking up for the bozo even though she was clearly trying to keep him at arm’s length. That was different for somebody who was infamous for having strong opinions on nearly every subject and never mincing words when it came to expressing them. Maybe Lucy really was onto something here. Definitely needed more intel but Bumble was right up their asses. In the way as usual. He tugged on one of her pigtails, “Yo, Bumble. Go find us some more glue. Stuff in the toolbox is about out.”

“Okay!”

The second she was gone, he started phase two. “So, uh… I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to talk to you.”

Abby unscrewed the housing around the motor and nodded, “What about?”

“I uh… well, I was wondering what it would take to, y’know, impress someone like you.”

Her hands paused and she looked over at him, “Someone like me? Or a girl like Lucy?”

He grinned, “Both?”

She laughed at the way he waggled his eyebrows at her and went back to work. “I’m pretty sure you’re already impressive enough all on your own. You’re certainly _my_ favorite teenage mayor in the whole wide world. I can’t really speak for anyone else, but I’m sure it’s a common sentiment around here.”

“Heh. Yeah. But uh… well, let’s say a guy wanted to really make a splash. A  _ big _ one. What would he have to do?”

“I dunno. I’ve never thought about it. Nobody ever tried to make a splash with me before.”

“What?! That can’t be right.” Surely not. Lucy said Butch had kissed Abby  _ twice _ back when they were kids. Brought her flowers and candy and shit. If that hadn’t made an impression on her of  _ some _ kind, then the guy was straight up SOL.

“Well, it’s true. Boys just aren’t interested in me.”

Now he  _ knew _ that wasn’t right. He was interested. He’d never admit it to anybody, but the crush he had on her was at least fifty percent of why he’d welcomed her into their merry band of miscreants after she’d showed up with the kids that had been abducted by those assholes in Paradise Falls. Once he’d heard the story of how she’d tricked the slavers into letting them all go, his interest had been piqued. That devious little smirk of hers, so unexpected on such a sweet face, and the careless shrug when he asked her about it, like she thought it was hilarious and no big thing, had just sealed the deal. Shit, most of the guys in this place whose balls had dropped were interested. She was smart and nice. Easy on the eyes and always had a hug ready for anybody who wanted one. Mungo or not, it was impossible to not be at least a  _ little _ into her.

“Maybe vault guys are just dumbasses.”

“Some probably were, but some weren’t.” She shrugged, “Anyway, there were far prettier and… well, not exactly nicer but let’s say more available, girls in the vault to choose from so I wasn’t really ever on anybody’s radar. Which suited me just fine. Susie and Christine always had plenty of dates. Even Amata had…”

RJ frowned at the way she’d trailed off. She’d been so excited to go see her stupid former best friend. It had been months since that particular betrayal and it aggravated him to no end that she was still hung up on it. “None of them deserved you, y’know. If I’d been Overseer, I’d have tossed ‘em all straight into the incinerator for bein’ such jerks. Taking advantage of you like that. I would've been kickin' ass wholesale that day. Fuckers.”

Abby sighed, “I know, honey. Thanks.”

“Yeah.” He still had half a mind to roll up in there someday and tell ‘em all off for treating her the way they had. Abby was an honorary Lamplighter after all, and nobody got away with doing a Lamplighter dirty. Not while he was mayor. “So… anyway. Impression’ somebody like you. You really got nothin’ for me there?”

“Oh, well…” She made a face and pulled a bent piece of machinery off the main drive. “Dammit. The whole cam and tappet is warped. Can you hand me the plyers? Maybe I can straighten it out.”

“Sure.”

“Stupid aluminum alloy. Should have used steel but it’s just so humid around here.”

“Right.” He gave her a minute to wrestle with the metal before asking again, “Abra?”

“Hmm?”

“The advice?”

“Oh, right. Okay… well, Daddy said when he decided he wanted to court mother, he started doing a lot of favors for her.”

“Favors?”

“Yup. She was a very dedicated, very  _ focused, _ scientist. It was hard for her to always remember to take care of herself. So he started doing little things like making her dinner or tea. Tidying up. He kept refilling her pencil mug because she was always misplacing them. You know, just little stuff.”

“So that’s what did it? She fell for him because he made himself useful?”

She laughed, “No, not really. Daddy said she didn’t even notice.”

“Pfft. Putz.”

“Hmm. Well, he said after all that, he decided he’d have to get a little more direct about how he felt. So he wrote her a few notes. Just snippets of some of his favorite poems. He wasn’t really a creative type, but he read a lot.”

“What kinda poems?”

“Well, love poems, of course. I think the one she liked best was  _ She Walks in Beauty _ by Lord Byron.”

“How’s it go?”

“Oh, um… let’s see.” Abby closed her eyes for a moment and concentrated. “She walks in beauty, like the night. Of cloudless climes and starry skies; and all that’s best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes; thus mellowed to that tender light, which heaven to gaudy day denies.” She laughed, “And then it goes on like that for another few verses.”

“Wow.”

“M’hmm. It’s a beautiful poem.”

“So he wrote it out and she finally got what he was tryin’ to lay down?”

She shook her head, “No, she just said it was one of her favorites, too.”

RJ was starting to feel like Abby’s conception may have been a miracle of some kind. “Shit. Then what the hell did it?!”

She chewed on her lip thoughtfully, “I dunno if I should say. I’d hate for you to get the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea?”

“It’s just… he went to rather extreme measures and nearly got himself killed and it was very silly.” She shook her head, “Honestly, were I you, I’d just tell her how you feel. Use very specific and direct language and just… tell her. Then it’s done and you can move on in one way or the other.”

He pursed his lips thoughtfully, “Just tell her, huh?”

“Yes. That’s… that seems to be the most sensible thing.” She hesitated then leaned over to whisper, “And confidentially, I’m entirely certain she’s going to reciprocate, so you have nothing to worry about, RJ. Just… please remember that Lucy is _ special _ and her contributions to mankind could be  _ vast. _ Try not to get in the way of that.”

“I’d never get in her way. She’s gonna change the world. I just want to help her do it.”

Abby smiled and nudged his head with hers, “That’s my boy.”

Butch paced near the gate to Lamplight, chain smoking and doing his best to talk himself through how stupid his jealousy was. RJ was a  _ kid. _ A  _ baby. _ Fourteen years old. Clearly not even shaving yet. Totally not a threat at all.

But _goddamn,_ did he want to beat the snot outta him. Muttering all the things he wanted to yell at the twerp and acting out the thrashing was pretty good, but nowhere near as gratifying as actually doin’ it woulda been.

“Excuse me, mister?”

He stopped mid-pretend choke and looked over at a little girl staring at him with wide hazel eyes. Crap. Busted by the mini doc. One of Abby’s favorites here. Fuck. What was her name? Laura or Lulu or…

She waved, “Hi. I’m Lucy.”

“Right, right. Lucy.” Butch gave her the same smile he usually reserved for Old Lady Palmer and hoped it worked on little ladies as well as it worked on old ones. “What can I do for you, sweetheart?”

“Oh, uh… well, I have some kinda heavy equipment that I can’t move on my own, so --”

“Say no more.” He tossed his cigarette, “Lead the way, babydoll.”

Lucy couldn’t help but blush at the casual term of endearment but did her best to maintain a serious, mature demeanor here despite that. She gave him a dignified sort of nod. “It’s in the clinic.”

“Sure.”

Once inside she pointed at the microscope on the shelf, “I need that over there at my desk.”

“No problem.” He grabbed it with one hand and easily carried it over.

“Wow, mister. You’re really strong.”

He shrugged, “If you can’t have brains, you should at least have brawn, right?”

“I guess so.”

“Need anything else?”

“Uh, not really, but… Abby said you guys were kids together.”

“Yeah. So?”

“Could I ask you some questions? I’m really curious about, y’know, vault life and stuff and it’s kind of a sensitive subject with her.”

“Oh. Alright, I guess.” He sat on the edge of her desk and shrugged, “Whatcha wanna know?”

“Well… what was it like growing up there?”

He snorted, _“Boring,_ and when it wasn't boring, it was _weird._ Whole place felt like being trapped in an episode of the Twilight Zone.”

“I dunno what that is.”

“Oh, it’s this old TV show about bizarre, messed up sh-stuff that happens to people.”

“Hmm. So you were happy to leave it?”

“Heck yeah. Very happy. Couldn’t wait to get out.”

“But you did.”

“What?”

“Abby said after she left, a civil war started, right? People who wanted to open the vault and people who didn’t.”

“Right.”

“And then she went and helped and now it’s open, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“But that was months ago.”

“Just about four months. Yeah.”

“But you haven’t been out that long, right?”

He chuckled, “Is it that obvious?”

Lucy shrugged, “Only to me. Your hands don’t have the usual callouses that most mungos have.” She pointed at his feet. “And your boots are  _ really _ shiny, which means you still care enough to keep them polished. Most people out here don’t.”

“Huh. Yeah, well, you’re right. I’ve only been out here a month or so. Almost two.”   


“So why’d you wait?”

“I dunno. Lotta reasons. The vault was all I knew, y’know? And it’s not exactly like there was anything out here waitin’ for me, right?”

Oh, his eyes were so _sad_ now. Jeez. He looked like he needed a hug. She wanted to hug him but that would probably be weird, wouldn’t it? He wasn’t some little who needed a cuddle from their big sister or anything. He needed a whole different kind of cuddle from another doctor entirely.

“Abby was here.”

He frowned, “Huh?”

“Abby was out here. Waiting. Wasn’t she?”

A corner of his mouth quirked up, “Nah. Abby waits for no man.”

Gosh, this was just like when Mr. Darcy thought Elizabeth absolutely hated him but he still wrote to her that one last time anyway and pined and all that. If something didn’t change here, they were both going to miss out. Elizabeth had been stubborn but she had nothing on Abby.

Not that stubbornness was necessarily a bad thing. If she hadn’t had that unshakeable faith in her parents’ dreams and her dogged determination to set things right, the wasteland wouldn’t exist as they knew it today. Lucy wasn’t sure why she was so set on the idea that Butch wasn’t interested in her, but anyone could see he clearly was. It was weird for her to be so wrong about something so obvious.

“Well, you’re together now, right? That must be nice! I bet she was really happy to see you after all this time.”

“Aw. You’re sweet, kid. You’re dead wrong, but you’re sweet.”

“She wasn’t happy to see you?”

He sighed, “I uh… I wasn’t exactly the nicest boy around back in the day. She’s got plenty of reasons she can’t stand me and I handed her every single one.”

“Oh… she had mentioned you were a bit of a bully.”

“Yeah, she always is too nice about stuff like that. I was an as-uh, a real jerk. A  _ big _ jerk. I was mean and spiteful and…” He stared at the floor and had that same defeated slump in his shoulders RJ's had earlier. “I was a little punk.”

“Usually when somebody’s a bully it’s because they’re sad deep down inside.”

“That’s true. You're a smart kid to figure that out this early. Abby said you were smart.”

“Thanks. So what were you sad about?”

“Nothin’ important, or at least, nothin’ important enough to screw it all up like I did.” He stood and put his hands in his pockets. “We finished playing twenty questions here or what?”

“Just… two more. Please?”

“Alright, make it quick.”

“Abby told me that one time when you were really little, you kept trying to kidnap her.”

A flush crawled up his neck and he looked away,  _ “Shit, _ she remembers that?”

“She said she didn’t know why you’d done it.”

“Right.”

“That’s…  _ really _ unusual behavior from a little kid. I mean, I’m not technically an expert or anything, but it kinda sounded to me like you were trying to bond to her, y’know? Like how Bumble is with her teddy bear.”

He sighed but it kind of turned into a laugh at the end. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Do you remember why you were so… uh, aggressive about it?”

Butch wrinkled his nose thoughtfully for a few seconds and finally gave her a hard look. “Alright, I’ll tell you, but I want that doctor-patient confidentiality thing here, little Miss Head-Shrinker. Capiche?”

“Okay.”

“You gotta cross your heart and all that.”

Lucy grinned and dutifully ran through the oath. “Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” She held up her hand. “Do you want a pinky swear, too?”

“Nah, I trust you. Alright, well, see, my ma had this picture of a little boy angel kissin’ a little girl angel, right? It was in our bathroom the whole time I was growin’ up. Still is to this day far as I know.” He shook his head, “I was even dumber then than I am now, if you can wrap your noodle around that. I was convinced Abby was the angel in the picture. I figured she just hid her wings ‘cause you weren’t ever allowed to be different in the vault, y’know? Overseer didn’t like it and he was real scary.”

“You thought she was an angel?”

“I know, right? It’s so stupid, but I was sure of it. I kinda felt like she belonged to me. ‘Cause I was the only one who knew her secret.”

Lucy’s brow furrowed, “Her secret of… being an angel?”

“Right.” He laughed at her expression, “Man, look at that little face. You’re lookin’ at me like I’m crazy.”

She quickly shook her head, “No! No, I’m not!”

“Yeah, you are, but that’s alright. It _was_ crazy.  _ I _ was crazy. Heck, maybe I still am, who knows?” He shrugged, “Anyway, I decided I was gonna tell her that I knew all about it. I wanted to bring her to my room where she could, y’know, spread her wings and be herself. I wanted to see ‘em up close and touch ‘em. They were… in the picture, they looked so soft and pretty. Like a butterfly. I was gonna hide her in my closet and she’d be safe. Built her a nest outta blankets and everything.” Butch chuckled, “Woulda got away with it, too, if she hadn’t started squalling. She cried at the drop of a hat back then. Her pops suddenly showed up, all pissed off. Jerked her right outta my hands. Doc Lane never really yelled at nobody that I ever saw, but he was definitely on the line that day. Ma came outta nowhere, started screaming like a banshee at him to leave me alone. Dragged me back to our quarters and told me to stay away from the Lanes. That they weren’t worth it. But she was wrong. Even back then, I knew she was wrong. The Lanes are good people.” He nodded to himself. “They’re good people.”

“Yeah.”  _ Wow. _ There was a lot to unpack there. She was going to have to really try to get through that psychology textbook Doc Hoff had sold her.

“So what’s your final question, contestant number one? Let’s get it over with already.”

“Right. It’s um… well, it’s not about vault life or anything.”

“Okay.”

“It's just a question I try to ask most grown-ups I meet.”

“Alright, shoot.”

“Do you think people really change when they grow up?”

He laughed, “God, I hope so.”

“Oh.”

Butch frowned at her, “Hey now. What’s the matter? Why the long face, kiddo?”

“I just… Joseph says everybody changes into a different person once they grow up.”

“Okay.”

“And most everybody I’ve asked all say the same thing. That who they were as kids is totally different than who they are now.”

“Yeah. So what’s wrong with that?”

“It’s just…” She ducked her head so he wouldn’t see how close to crying she already was. This always made her so upset to think about but she _had_ to know. “What if I really like who somebody is now? What if I don’t want them to change?”

“Oh… oooh, I get it. You think you’ve already found your dreamboat, huh?”

She nodded, “Yeah.”

“Hmm. How long you felt this way?”

“All my life.”

“Ah, that’s sweet. You’re a little romantic under all those brains, ain’t ya?”

“What if we grow up and he doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Oh, ho. He likes you back, huh?”

She sniffled, wiped her eyes on her sleeve, and nodded. “He kissed me. Said I’m his girl now.”

“God, that is so darn cute.” He set his hand on her head, “He treats you right? He’s nice to you and stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Lucky little bastard better be. You’re practically Abby’s kid sister, which makes you a baby Tunnel Snake as far as I’m concerned. So some brat messes with you, he’s messin’ with all of us.”

“What’s a Tunnel Snake?”

“Only the coolest gang on the planet.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about, sweetheart. Everybody grows up and whatever, but that doesn’t mean you won’t still feel the same. Don’t mean he won’t either.” He smiled at her, “I mean, I was way different when I was a kid, but I still love… uh… I mean, I still like a lot of the same things.”

“Really?”

“Really! It’ll be fine. Everything’s gonna work out. You’ll see.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem.” His hands went back in his pockets and he shrugged at her, “Anyway, I should probably try to find Abby. She was workin’ on some fancy star thing earlier.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Sure. Always happy to escort a little lady.”

Lucy giggled and closed the clinic behind them, following him along the narrow path. “Hey, Mister Butch?”

“Just Butch is fine, babydoll.”

“Okay… Butch, do you still think Abby’s an angel?”

“Uh.”

She watched his ears turn bright red and smiled to herself. He  _ did.  _ He totally did and they were totally in love and she was so excited to tell RJ about everything she’d discovered.

He cleared his throat, “You were all outta questions, squirt. There's no bonus round. That’s not how the game goes.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

“S’alright.” Goddamn these kids and their fucking questions. They were like a dog with a bone once somethin’ caught their attention. Shit.

Abby was exactly where he’d left her. Wrestling with some bit of somethin’ complicated while Mayor MacAsshole did nothing to help aside from scowling at it real hard.

“Still busted?”

“It’s  _ bent. _ A bunch of pieces were bent and I can’t… if I had a vice or something, I could --”

“Give it here.”

She rolled her eyes but handed it over. “I don’t think you’re gonna be able to do anything. I’ve already tried --”

He bent the gear back out flat and handed it back. “Done.”

She and RJ both stared at him like he'd suddenly grown another head, but it was the kid who recovered first. “Well, goddamn, Grognak.”

Lucy piped up from behind, “He’s  _ very _ strong.”

“Sure, sure. At least he’s good at somethin’, huh?”

He couldn’t resist and smirked down at him, “Oh, I’m good at a quite a few things, kiddo. Ladies always appreciate having the Butch-man around the house.”

RJ glared up at him, “Yeah, I bet.”

“Bumble! It’s time for your bath!”

“Aw, Lucy. Do I haveta? I was helpin’!”

“Yeah, you have to.” She stared as hard as she could at RJ. “And I could really use some help with the… uh… soap.”

“What?” He frowned at her before his eyes went wide. “Oh. Oh! Yeah! Totally! I’m on it!”

Butch watched them scurry away and scoffed, “Ain’t a damn kid in this place anywhere _near_ good enough for her.”

Abby pulled her head out of the contraption long enough to frown at him, “What?”

“Nothin’. Don't worry about it.” He sat next to her and leaned over so he could see the inner workings. “So this is the projector, huh?”

“Well, it was. I think I’ve about got it fixed though.”

“Gotta wait ‘til that one kid gets the lights back on to test it, right?”

“No, this runs off a fusion core. It was meant to be a nightlight of sorts for the really little kids.”

“Oh. Smart.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s probably gonna get busted again sittin’ here on the floor though, right?”

She shrugged, “Probably but there’s no one who can lift it. I didn’t realize how heavy it would be until I had it assembled. Maybe when winter hits Charon can move it.”

“I can move it. Where you want it at?”

“Oh, no. That’s not necessary. You’ll just hurt yourself.”

“I won’t hurt nothin’! Jeez.”

“It’s at least two hundred pounds and _awkward._ There’s no good way to lift it!”

“I can do it! Just tell me where you want the damn thing already!”

Abby’s mouth set in a hard line and she pointed at a table made of cinder blocks and two by fours nearly fifty yards away. “There. That’s where I want it, _ Grognak.  _ Which is too far for a regular human so -- hey!”

He’d already stood and started wriggling his fingers under the thing. The metal was cold and biting but there was some kind of rubber lining along the bottom that would help him get a grip on it. “Shut up and move already.”

“You’re going to drop it and injure yourself!”   


“I ain’t droppin’ nothin’. Shit.” Her contraption was heavy, but it wasn’t immovable. Once hefted up into his arms, it was more a matter of not being able to see over the damn thing. “Can’t see where the fuck I’m goin’. Is the way clear?”

“Uh… yeah.” She nervously followed behind and winced when he set it down with a bang.

“There. Done. No problem.”

Abby gaped at him as he turned around. “Butch.”

He grinned at her awestruck expression, “See? Told you I could do it.”

“Your hands.”

He looked down and was surprised at the blood dripping down his fingers. “Aw, crap. Fucker has some sharp edges, huh?”

“Just… come on. We need to get you patched up.”

“Lead the way, Doc.” He ambled along behind and laughed when they returned to the clinic. “Heh. I was just here five minutes ago.”

Abby dug through a cabinet for disinfectant, “Why?”

“Little Baby-Doc needed help movin’ a thing.”

“Oh.” She dragged an old stool along with her and set it in front of him. “That was nice of you. Hands on here, please.”

“Sure.” He flopped them palms up and winced a little at the jagged cuts oozing blood. “I didn’t even feel it happen.”

“I tried to curl as many of the edges as I could when I put it together. I must have missed a few.”

“Hey, it ain’t your fault. You told me to leave it, didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t saying it was my fault.”

“Oh.” Butch watched her work and laughed, “Kinda like old times, huh?”

“What is?”

“Me doin’ somethin’ stupid and you patchin’ me up after.”

“It’s a little nostalgic I guess.”

“Yeah.” Whatever the rusty orange stuff was she was using to clean his wounds with bit a hell of a lot harder than the rubbing alcohol in the vault. “Shit kinda burns.”

“It’s merthiolate. Well meaning scavvers sometimes drop off bottles of the stuff, but Lucy won’t use it on the kids.”

“Cause it hurts?”

“Because it contains a lot of mercury.”

“But it’s safe for grown-ups, right?”

She shrugged, “Probably.”

“Not exactly makin’ me feel confident here, Doc. Your bedside manner’s a little lackin’ these days, huh?”

“I’m sorry.” She pressed tape across his palms. “I’d offer you a lollipop but there aren’t any. Any candy in Lamplight disappears as soon as it arrives.”

“Tragic.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll survive without one. I’ll have to stimpak this, okay? Things are different in the wastes. The possibility of infection is just too high for things like stitches.”

“Right, sure.”

“They kind of itch.”

“I know. Go ahead and get it over with.”

“Alright.” Abby used a diluted one since the cuts weren’t too deep. Half in each hand, watching the skin knit together between the tape before she carefully pulled it off. “There. Good as new.”

“Yup.”

“They feel okay?”

Butch kept his eyes fixed on a point above her shoulder so he wouldn’t get too lost in the sight of her holding his hands like some kinda dope. “Yeah, they’re great.”

“Okay.” She frowned at his palm. “Oh… that shouldn't have scarred.”

He finally looked down, “What?”

“Where you cut yourself with those scissors. There’s a scar there still.” She ran her thumb over it. “I’m sorry. That… I don’t know why it didn’t heal properly.”

“Ain’t your fault.” He gently tugged his hand away and hid them both back in his pockets where they couldn’t get him into trouble. “I couldn’t stop pickin’ at it.”

“Oh.”

“Your stitches were perfect. Jonas said so when he took ‘em out.”

“Good old Jonas.” Her voice sounded alright but that weird blank look was back on her face. Like she hadn’t known the guy at all.

“Yeah.”

She blinked and it was gone. “I don’t know where Lucy could have gotten to. This would’ve… oh, wait. Bumble’s bath. That’s right.”

He snorted, “Can’t believe you bought that bullshit. You’re like, the worst mother hen ever.”

“What?”

“She ain’t given anybody a bath. She’s off canoodlin’ with her holy terror of a boyfriend.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. She didn’t tell you?”   


“She… she doesn't have a boyfriend!”   


“Sure she does.”

“She does not!”

“Does, too.”

“Does not!”

Butch scoffed and pointed over towards the desk, “I stood right over there and she told me all about it. How some little bastard kissed her and told her she was his girl from now on. And I saw the look Mac gave her after. The two of ‘em are together, I’d bet my life on it. She’s gone and let that teenaged tyrant get his hooks into her. Probably got his grubby little hand up her shirt as we speak.”

“He would never!”

“Pssh. Outta the two of us, who was once a fourteen year old boy, huh? I know how his dirty birdy mind works.”

“No! We talked about all that. He agreed that Lucy has important things to accomplish with her life and that he wouldn’t get in the way!”

“Who says a little neckin’s gonna get in the way?”

_ “I  _ do!”

“The fuck do you know about it? Last time I checked, Casanova himself couldn’t distract you from shit.”

“It distracted my mother!”

“What?” He was caught off guard by the sudden tears in her eyes. He hadn’t even known she could cry anymore. “Hey, it’s alright. It ain’t that big of a deal. They’re just kids.”

“But this is how it starts!”

“Whoa, how what starts? Hey, whoa, _wait!”_ She’d bolted for the door and he just barely beat her there, keeping it shut with his foot. “Come on, you don’t really wanna do this, do you? Go mess up whatever they’ve got goin’? It’s a real rough world out here. Happiness is hard to come by and they’ve found a little piece. They’re just two kids playin’ house, angel. It’s alright. Lucy’s a good girl. She’ll make sure he minds his manners.”

It took her a minute but she finally let go of the doorknob. “You’re probably right.”

He almost laughed, “First time for everything.”

She gave him a wobbly smile, “You were due.”

“Ha.” He leaned against the door and she went back to cleaning up. “So… I heard a rumor after you left that you and your dad weren’t actually from the vault, strictly speaking.”

“No, we weren’t.”

“So your ma wasn’t either?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“She never made it to the vault. Dr. Li said she had developed preeclampsia when she was pregnant with me. It’s this thing where your blood pressure goes up. They thought they had it under control but shortly after I was born, it became eclampsia, which is… worse. She had a seizure and died of heart failure.”

“God, I’m sorry. That’s awful.”

Abby threw the used stim in the trash with probably a little more force than was necessary. “If she hadn’t been distracted by Daddy and had me, Project Purity would’ve been completed more than twenty years ago. But no. Instead, Daddy abandoned it just so I could grow up safe in a vault that never even wanted us there in the first place. Dr. Li couldn’t do everything all on her own and left for Rivet City. The Brotherhood gave up on the idea. Everybody just walked away. It was her  _ life’s work _ and they all just…” She sighed. “It’s done now, of course, but the fact remains that the Capitol Wasteland would be a lot better off if I’d never been --”   


_ “Shut up.” _   


She instinctively flinched from the anger in his voice. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t you dare stand there and say you never shoulda been born, alright? That’s a load of bullshit and you know it!”

“Why are you yelling at me?”

“I ain’t yellin’! When I’m yellin’, you’ll know it!”

“What --”

“Your parents loved each other and they loved you, too. I know they did! You know how lucky that makes you? Some of us woulda killed for parents who actually gave a fuck!”

“Butch, keep your voice down! The kids --”

“Fuck ‘em! Fuck them and fuck you for always being so goddamn dense about shit! Thirteen year old little girls got more sense than you!” He threw the door open and stomped out, leaving her confused and more than a little angry.

“What the heck was that?”

RJ scoffed from his nest high up on a wall and lowered his binoculars.  _ Idiots. _ “What the fuck was that?”

Lucy whispered at him from the ground, “Were they really fighting?”

He whispered back, “Yeah.”

“Did you catch what it was about?”

“Nah.”

“Who left?”

“Big guy.”

“Is Abby still inside?”

“Yup. She’s sittin’ back down at your desk.” He looked through the lenses again and shrugged, “She’s just… sittin’. Looks pretty cranky.”

“Oh. That doesn’t sound good.”

“Hmm.” He slid down the slick rock and landed with a thump next to her. “I dunno, Luce. This might be a waste of time. You can lead a pack brahmin to water, y’know?”

“I know.” She sighed, “He seems to be the passionate type, too.”

“So?”

“So Abby would probably really… I mean, I know  _ I’d… _ um… never mind.”

RJ watched her face flush in the dark and smirked, “You tryin’ to tell me something here, beautiful?”

She stared at the floor and shook her head, “N-no.”

“Uh-huh.” He was just about to reach for her when the lights flickered around them and finally stayed on. Faint cheering came from back in the cave and he grumbled, “Goddamn, Zip. Cockblocking piece of shit.”

A quiet giggled escaped her and she kissed his cheek, “Come on, we’ve got to do what we can before lights out.”

“Yeah, I guess. We’ll switch it up. I’ll take the chump. You go see if Abby’s alright.”

“Right.”

He caught her around the waist before she could get away and lowered his voice, “Hey, uh… real quick while I’ve got you alone…”

Her face was on fire again but she nodded, “Yeah?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to sleep in your room anymore. Y'know, when it's just us.”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s just uh…”

“We’ve always bunked together.”

“I know, I just think…” He shrugged, “We should, y’know, take things slow.”

“What things?”

An awkward cough left him, “Uh… you… goddammit, you’re really gonna make me say it? Come on.” When she kept giving him the same dopey blank stare he growled and pulled her hips against his.  _ “Those _ things, alright?”

“Oh.” There was no way she was going to be able to see anything with how he had her squashed up against him, but she still looked down. “Y-you’re… like, right now, you’re --”

“It’s not just right now, okay? It's whenever you’re around.”

“Whenever I’m around? But I’m  _ always _ around. So...  _ all _ the time?!”

“Yes, all the time!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I never noticed it before.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, well, I’m usually not rubbing up against you, now am I?”

Lucy giggled and hugged him tightly, “I don’t mind if you poke me.”

RJ snorted, “Yeah, that’s not… Luce, come on. Have mercy on a guy.”

“So… last week, when we woke up and I told you your pistol was poking me --”

“Yeah, you got me, genius. That wasn’t my pistol.”

“Oh.” She hid her face in his neck and laughed, “Sorry. I’m not… I’m not laughing at it. I swear.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m really not!”

“Y’know, Squirrel and some of the other older guys said girls change when you start going steady. Said they get real bratty and shit. You’re really living up to that right now.”

“I am not!”

“Yeah, you are! I love you, but you’re a --”

“You love me?”

He froze and stammered, “I - I mean… it’s just an expression and --”

“I love you, too.”

“Oh.” He didn’t really know what to say to that. He’d loved Lucy since she’d saved his life after that cave-in years ago, but he’d never really thought she’d feel the same way. Just having her agree to be his girlfriend already made him feel luckier than he ever had. Having her love him was just… “Man, I  _ really _ wish these fucking lights weren’t on right now.”

She laughed and pressed a sneaky kiss to his neck, “Yeah, me, too.”

His brain was suddenly completely fried. If she’d asked him what two plus two was, he’d have no idea right now. RJ made a kind of wordless exclamation as joy surged through him and was left confused when his arms were suddenly empty.

“Hey.”

Lucy was already a good ten feet away by the time he’d found his voice, “Go talk to Butch!”

“Yeah. Right. Okay.”

Go talk to Butch. He could do that. He’d talk to him and fix this stupid mungo problem and Lucy would be happy. Maybe even so happy she’d let him sneak her off to a quiet corner somewhere where he could start practicing building up his self-control. Just a few more snuggles like that and he was almost sure he could maybe get his body’s response to her on lockdown.

And if not, well, at least the practicing would be pretty fucking fantastic, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from Dr. Seuss.
> 
> (Also I realize that Joseph should have already graduated from Lamplight. He should be seventeen, but for the purposes of this particular story, we're going to pretend that both he and Squirrel are just about to age out. Right on the line. Maybe even a few weeks overdue and Mac's just turning a blind eye to it because Lucy happens to like them and so long as they've got enough food to go around, he doesn't care one way or the other. IDK. Either way, they're there. LOL)


	7. He who sows Courtesy reaps Friendship

Butch sat high in the cave, watching the kids playing starting to wind down below him, an unlit cigarette in his mouth. He’d come up here to smoke in peace, but realized that would mean dropping ash all over some tiny tot’s head. That kinda seemed like a dick move. So now he was stuck waiting on bedtime or lights out or whatever they called it.

He’d been up here at least a half hour when Abby had appeared, an anxious looking Lucy in tow, and started banging away on the projector again. Pointedly  _ not  _ looking at him, which was only made more obvious for how many times the girl next to her kept glancing up. He gave her a little wave and she deliberately waited until Abby was distracted to wave back.

Smart kid. Kinda reminded him of Abby at that age. All big eyes and fancy words and those uncanny smarts. But where Abby was frosty, Lucy was all warmth. A sweet smile that almost never left her face and soft, kind eyes. Mac was a lucky little asshole to have landed her so early. In a few years time, she’d be beatin’ ‘em off with a stick.

Or if the kid was smart enough to hold onto her like he should, he’d probably be more than happy to handle that part himself.

Truth be told, he was envious of them both. He watched the way she’d blush and giggle whenever Mac strutted by. Smiled to himself at the cheesy grins and winks the boy kept throwing her way, even as his cheeks were burning. Clearly still a little embarrassed by the attention and affection, but enjoying it all the same.

He wished he could’ve been brave like that. If he’d focused his efforts on protecting Abby from the other kids, cared a little less about what Wally and his pals thought of him, would they have been like this? Would Abby have looked at him with the same starstruck, trusting,  _ loving _ look on her face if he’d carried her books home every day instead of smacking them out of her hands?

She’d always been different from the other girls, sure. Quieter and more standoffish or whatever. But she hadn’t been so hostile about being around him until he’d started really going after her. Back when they were too little to know better, she’d always just waved and gone on about her business whenever he was around. Never hesitated to share her crayons or give him half her cookie in preschool. He was the one who’d got mad at all the things he couldn’t have and took it all out on her. And then when she stopped being so nice, he just made it worse by punishing her for it. Like how dare she not want to be abused by him on a daily basis, right? If she was no longer willing to share her sweet rolls just because he kept pushing her down and spitting in her hair, then he’d take them by force.  _ Stupid. _ God, he’d been so stupid.

But if he hadn’t, if he’d just let her be happy and done what he could to protect that happiness instead of being selfish enough to want her to feel as bad as he always did, how different would their lives have been? Would she have maybe asked him to come with her when she left the vault? Would he have had the balls to follow after her regardless, like he’d wanted to?

It was a little too late to fix any of that. All the missed chances and wrong turns he’d taken would haunt him ‘til the end of his days, but they weren’t doing him much good now. He sighed to himself and set his forehead against the railing, openly watching Abby work since most of the kids were already asleep and it’s not like she was ever gonna look up here at him anyway.

If she didn’t hate him before, she definitely did now. She’d been gracious enough to give him a shot and he’d blown it in less than a day. Lost his temper and ran his mouth. Just like always. If she ditched him here and left his fate in the hands of these godless little heathens, he wouldn’t be a bit surprised.

He hadn’t wanted to but he just couldn’t help it at the time. A world without her was just… unthinkable. _ Terrifying. _ Even the idea of such a thing made him crazy. She’d always had this intense sense of purpose when they’d been growing up. Knew exactly what she was gonna do and who she was gonna be and put her nose to the grindstone to achieve it at all costs. It had been kinda annoying, sure, but it had also provided a rare bit of consistency in his otherwise chaotic life. But now… now she didn’t even seem to think she shoulda been born in the first place. That was weird. That was  _ wrong. _ Abby was a good person. The kind of person the world  _ needed. _ Special and important. She wasn’t the type to be thinkin’ things like that.

She should leave all that bullshit to losers like him.

“Hey.” Mac flopped down next to him, causing the rope bridge under them to jiggle and sway a bit.

Butch acknowledged him with a grunt but otherwise said nothing.

He slipped his legs over the side, too, and compared their feet. “Damn. You’ve got some big ass feet, Grognak. What’s your shoe size?”

“Thirteen.”

“Jeez.” He brought his foot up and wiggled it, “I’m at ten and a half. Almost eleven. When did your feet stop growing?”

“I dunno.” He shrugged and stared at his boots, “Maybe… sixteen or seventeen.”

“Good. Then I’ve got plenty of time to catch up.”

A snort left him, “Yeah? You think so?”

Mac shrugged, “Maybe. Maybe not. Doesn’t really matter, right? Lucky Harith told me it ain’t the size of your boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.”

Butch rolled his eyes and administered a light dope slap up against the kid’s head, ignoring the immediate slug to the shoulder he got in return. “Hey. You watch that kinda talk from here on out, alright? You got a girl now. A  _ nice _ girl. Can’t be runnin’ your mouth all over the place about shit like that. You gotta think a little more about how what you say affects your lady, you feel me?”

He scowled, “Yeah, I feel you. You smacked me upside the head, didn’t you? Shit.”

“Oh, my bad. I thought that’s what the helmet was for.”

That mischievous smirk was back already, “Nah, see, I wear it so I don’t get injured spelunking in your mom’s cavernous --” He stopped and leaned away when Butch’s hand came up again. “Hey! Hey! Alright! Jeez, I’m sorry, okay? That was the last one. I swear.”

“Better be.”

“Pfft.” Mac took the helmet off and set it to the side. “Hey, can I ask you somethin’?”

He sighed heavily. God only knew what they’d overheard already. “What?”

“How do you get your hair to do that swirly thing?”

“What?”

He gestured around his own head, “The swirly thing.”

“My ‘do? You really came all the way up here to ask me about that?”

“Sure, why not? It’s my town, ain’t it? I can go wherever I want and talk to whoever I want.”

“Alright… it’s called a pompadour. I swirl it on top with pomade ‘cause my hair’s naturally curly and it’s a pain in the ass otherwise.”

“Oh.”

“Although… I’ve been thinkin’ about wearin’ it loose here lately.”

Mac’s gaze followed his own and he smirked, “She likes it loose?”

He tore his eyes away from Abby and shrugged, “Said it was cute when I had it curly. Back when we were little ankle-biters.”

“Hmm.” He rubbed a hand over his own fuzz, “I dunno what Lucy likes.”

Butch grabbed his head and tilted it this way and that. “You’ve got a godawful head shape. Looks like a potato. You need to cover that shit up.”

“Hey, fuck you, man.”

“Nah, I’m serious.” He parted what little hair there was and stared hard at his scalp. “Got good roots here. Thick. You should grow it out. Two, maybe three inches. Four if you’re feelin’ sassy.”

He batted his hands away, “Pass. I’ll look like a toilet brush.”

“Why would you look like a toilet brush?”

“Cause it’s… y’know, fluffy or whatever.”

“So you got natural body and you’re shavin’ it all off? The hell’s wrong with you?”

He made a face, “What the hell’s wrong with you? Why the fuck do you know so much about hair?”

“I was a barber, kid. Vault-Tec trained and certified.”

“Oh.” Mac folded his arms and grumbled, “It’ll just get squashed flat by the helmet anyway.”

“So brush it back, dumb-dumb. Comb it back real good before you put the helmet on. Then when you take it off, fluff it with your fingers and bam. Done. You’ll look awesome. Lucy’ll love it.”

“You really think so? You aren’t just doing some dick mungo move where you lie to me so I’ll look stupid in front of everybody?”

“Nah. Trust me. You want at least a little up top. Enough to grab a handful. That’s what the ladies like. That’s what they want.”

He seemed confused and for the first time, almost looked his age. “Girls want to grab your hair? Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Heh. Only if you’re doin’ everything right.”

“What?”

“Nothin’. You’ll figure it out eventually.”

“This all sounds like a load of brahmin shit to me.”

Butch snorted a little and chuckled, “Nah, nah, nah. Trust me. If there’s one thing I know outside of hair, it’s what ladies like.”

Mac rolled his eyes, “See, now you  _ definitely _ sound like you’re full of shit cause I heard you guys fightin’ earlier. Kinda seems like you _don’t_ know what ladies like at all. I mean, even  _ I _ know they don’t like to be yelled at.”

“Yeah, well, weren’t you the one who said she ain’t a lady.”

He snickered, “Yeah. Abra’s like… some kinda alien walking around pretending to be a human. Right?”

“A pod person from the planet Oblivious.”

“Sent here to earth to scold bad guys into behavin’ themselves and… I dunno, give us all free water, I guess.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

He swung his feet back and forth, “So… was she always so weird?”

Butch’s first instinct was to say she wasn’t weird. It was more she was perfection incarnate in an imperfect world, so it was only natural that she'd stick out like a sore thumb. That it wasn't her fault everything around them was weird and sucked ass so hard. But he didn’t. “Yeah.”

“But you’re still into her?”

“Says who?”

“Says everybody with a pair of eyes.”

He scoffed, “Hardly everybody.”

“Yeah, well… Abra’s kinda… she’s really good at ignoring stuff, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know all about it.”

“This one time, when we first met --”

“She solved some little problem for you. I know. She told me.”

He scowled, “Did she mention that she walked right into a slavers camp? Just pranced her ass on in there like it was a farmer’s market or something.”

“What?”

“Paradise Falls. Ever heard of it?”

“Yeah. People said to steer clear.”

“Well, yeah, that’s what people with  _ sense _ do. Not Abra though.” He shook his head, “See, we have scavenging teams here that go out and, y’know, scavenge.”

“Right.”

“One of those teams ran into some sons of bitches who hit ‘em with a mesmetron and dragged ‘em off in collars.” He shrugged, “It sucked, but what the hell was I supposed to do about it, right? Couldn’t afford to buy ‘em back. Didn’t have the firepower to take those assholes on myself  _ and _ protect the cave from muties at the same time. Brotherhood back then was busy doin’  _ nothin’, _ so they wouldn’t have helped. We just sorta wrote ‘em off. Had to.”

“Yeah.”

“Then…  _ that _ shows up. Draggin’ poor old Charon along behind her.” He waved a hand at Abby, now halfway inside the projector while Lucy kept passing her tools. “When I first saw ‘em through my scope, I was like, oh, great. Here comes another mouth to feed. Wasn’t until she was right up on me that I realized she was grown. She wanted in the cave. Needed to see if there was a way to get through to the vault out back. I told her we don’t allow mungos here. Said she should feel free to fuck right off and when she tried to argue with me, I gave her a warning shot right between her feet.”

“Rude.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t takin’ any chances, alright? You think all slavers come by here with brute force and nets and shit? No. A bunch of ‘em come with smiles and candy. Plus Charon’s crazy huge and  _ tough. _ You can never be too careful. Stranger danger. Ever heard of it?”

“No. I grew up in a vault, remember? There were no strangers.”

“Well, out here in the real world, it’s a thing.  _ Anyway. _ Lucy was near the gate and said maybe I could ask this lady to help us. Which was hilarious, cause, I mean… look at her, right? Plus, she was all scuffed up and scared and shit back then. Still wasn’t --” he used his fingers to do quotes in the air “-- the Wasteland's one true Messiah.” Mac rolled his eyes at the title Three Dog had bestowed upon her and continued. “So I was laughing at the whole idea, and while laughing at her, I told her what was going on. Slavers, kids, blah blah blah. She asked if she brought them back, would I let her inside? I told her, hey, you bring ‘im back alive,  _ you _ can be the mayor and do whatever the fuck you want. So off she goes. I thought that would be the last we saw of her, but it wasn’t. Two days later, she shows back up. Penny, Sammy, and Squirrel were all with her. Covered in spots.” He snickered at the memory, “See, she’d got in good with that Eulogy Jones asshole by telling him she was a doctor and that if he’d pay her to check his, uh…  _ ladies, _ that she’d see to the other slaves for free. The dumbass thought that was a hell of a deal and let her wander around wherever she wanted. She painted up a few adults, and of course, our kids, with some kinda goop. Made ‘im look real sick. Told everybody to moan and clutch their stomachs. Then she threw brahmin shit all over the place to make it look like everybody had crapped their pants. She told him it was this terrible disease and she had to get them into quarantine as soon as possible.”

Butch frowned, “Why didn’t he just shoot ‘em?”

“Oh, that was the best part. She told him even if they died, the bodies could still spread the disease. Yeah. Not even fire could kill it. That the only way he could possibly save himself and his men was if she, uh… shit, how’d she put it… if she removed the vectors.” He laughed, “And they fell for it! Hook, line, and sinker! Let her walk right outta there with a whole herd of people and  _ paid her for it!  _ Ha! That’s our Abracadabra for ya. Workin’ her magic all over the damn place.”

“Holy shit.”

“I know, right? It was amazing, but… then later we got to be friends and I started thinking about how dangerous that all really was. They wouldn’t have just killed her if she’d been busted. No, sir. She’d have become that asshole’s new girl and…” He shook his head, “Well. Everybody knows how they break in a new girl.” His eyes went serious and solemn. “She wouldn’t have survived it. She’s just too little. The guys on Eulogy’s crew were… giants. All of ‘em. Freaks of nature. I felt like a real dick sending her into all that, but I didn’t know she’d actually go through with it. Anybody else would've seen how crazy dangerous it was and just noped out, y'know?”

“Abby always does whatever she says she’s gonna do.”

“Yeah, no, I know that now.”

“She’s tougher than she was back in the day.”   


“Really?”

“Yeah. We used to get into it all the time. I’d say somethin’ or do somethin’, and she’d mouth off, and then before I knew it, we’d be scrappin’. I used to sit on her or shove her around. Sometimes worse.” He shook his head, “I’m pretty sure if I tried somethin’ like that now, she’d blow my friggin’ head off.”

Mac glared at him, “Not if I beat her to it. The fuck is wrong with you?”

“How much time ya got?”

“Not enough to waste on whatever sob story you’ve got goin’.” He scoffed, “Seriously, man. I mean, my hands ain’t exactly clean. I’ve hit a girl before, but she damn well deserved it. The fuck did Abra do to you to deserve somethin’ like that?”

“Nothin’. She didn’t do nothin’. She just… existed.”

_ “Wow. _ Wow, you are a sad sack, man.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“And she’s got that, y’know --” He thumped his chest. “-- that thing! The thing where she falls over and shit! And you  _ still _ picked on her?! That’s like hittin’ somebody with glasses!”   


“She wears glasses sometimes, too.”

_ “Motherfucker!” _ He threw his hands up before closing his eyes and breathing deep, trying to take a moment to collect himself. “Look, alright, I’mma be straight with you here.” Mac pointed down at Lucy. “My girl wants the two of you to be a thing. She thinks you  _ belong _ together. Destiny or some shit.” He scoffed, “Personally, I don’t see it, but she’s only read every goddamn lovey-dovey book in existence, so who am I to argue? Watches all those damn movies that always make her cry over ‘em. I don’t get it, but she wants this, and I’m her man now --”

Butch chuckled, “Her  _ man. _ Okay.”

“-- and it’s my job to give her whatever she wants. So! Despite my own desire to punt you right off this bridge and watch you splatter your stupid, thick fuckin’ melon and put us  _ all _ outta our misery, I’m gonna help you out.”

“Help me out? Help me with what?”

“I’mma help you land Abra.”

“You… you wanna be my wingman?”

“The fuck is that?”

“It’s like when your buddy helps you score with somebody.”

His nose wrinkled, “Ugh. Don’t say it like that from here on out, alright? I can’t help you if you say it like that.”

“Alright.”

“But yeah, I’mma be your wingman, I guess.”

“A fourteen year old wingman. There’s a first. What the fuck do you actually think you can do here?”

He puffed up, “A hell of a lot more than you! I went from not havin’ a girlfriend to havin’ one, kissin’ her  _ and _ she told me she loved me all in the span of like, two hours. What the fuck have you accomplished today other than making an ass outta yourself, huh?  _ Nothin’, _ that’s what.”

“Alright, you kinda got me there.”

“Damn straight I do.”

He sighed, “So what’s your advice here, Romeo? You got a master plan stashed in your back pocket?”

“Hmm.” He folded his arms and thought it over. A sly look came over his face and he nodded at the cigarette in Butch’s mouth. “Alright. How’s this? I’ll tell you the secret to gettin’ her to like you if you gimme one of those.”

“I ain’t givin’ you a loosey. Come on.”

“Hey, I’m not a baby! I’ve smoked before!”

“Abby’d just say I was contributing to the delinquency of a minor or somethin’.”

Mac laughed, “Yeah, and Lucy would agree. But they’re down there and we’re up here, so gimme one.”

He rolled his eyes, but slipped him the one from behind his ear. “Fine. Alright. You need a light, too?”

“Nope, got my own.” He pulled an old zippo from his pocket and lit it like he’d been doing it for years, blowing out a cloud of smoke before grinning at him. “Couldn’t buy any last time Wolfgang was in town. Lucy was standin’ right there the whole damn time lookin’ for new barrettes or some shit. I got an image to maintain with her, y’know.”

“Uh-huh. You’re gonna wanna brush your teeth before you slink off to kiss her goodnight. Or you’re gonna get busted.”

“I know that.” He waved his hand carelessly. “That’s just common sense.”

Butch finally lit his own smoke. “Alright, so what’s this secret?”

He straightened up with a proud sort of wiggle about him. “I asked Abra flat out what a guy would have to do to get noticed by somebody like her.”

His eyes widened, “No shit?”

“No shit.”

“What’d she say?” This was some Holy Grail level shit right here. Why’d he never think of this angle before? He coulda sent Chip or some other little twerp to pump her for information years ago. It was brilliant.

“Well, first she told me a buncha crap her dad did tryin’ to get with her mom.” He rolled his eyes, “Guy was kind of a sap, if you ask me.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, he kinda was.”

“Anyway, none of it worked anyhow. Apparently her mom was one of those  _ super _ spacey types. Right? Couldn’t see what was right in front of her face unless it was at the other end of a microscope.” He nodded towards the girls below them still tinkering away. “Kinda sounds familiar, yeah?”

“Right… her pops was always tellin’ everybody who’d listen that she took after her ma.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“So what’d he do?”

He shrugged, “She wouldn’t say.”

“What?!”

“Nah. Said he’d done something real big and crazy and almost got himself iced. Said she didn’t wanna give me any ideas.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah,  _ but _ then she said it all seemed silly to her anyway. That none of that shit woulda been necessary if he’d just flat out told her how he felt right to her face. Just, boom. Spill your guts and it’s done. Seems simple enough, right?”

Butch rolled his eyes, “Yeah, sure, in Abby-Land. Nobody does that in real life.”

“Sure they do. Lucy did. Abby gave her the same advice and she took it and ran with it.” He grinned, “Just blurted it right out loud. Said she wanted me to kiss her. That she’d wanted it for a long time.”

“Damn. Your girl’s got balls.”

“Fuck yeah she does.”

“So you just laid one on her and that was it, huh?”

He snorted, “No. She only picked the  _ worst place ever _ for somethin’ like that, so first I brought her up here.  _ Then _ I kissed her.”

“Hey, nice. That's aces.” He smiled and nudged him with his elbow. “I’m proud of you, kid.”

“I dunno why. You didn’t have shit to do with it.”

“Yeah, but it’s like… you did all men everywhere proud with that move.”

“Oh… well, thanks then.”

“Sure.”

“Anyway, I think that’s just what you’re gonna have to do here, man. Just… lay it all out there for her.” He puffed thoughtfully for a minute before adding, “I’d use small words. She seems kinda… weirdly stupid in this area.”

He sighed, “Yeah.”

Mac frowned, “What? You don’t think it would work?”

“I doubt it. I kinda… already did something like that once.”

“Oh, no shit?”

“Yeah. I straight up asked her out this one time, right to her face.  _ Real _ direct. Tried to get her to go see a movie with me.”

“And?”

“She thought I'd just figured out a new way to hassle her. I got yelled at. She told me she’d always been afraid of me and she was tired of it. That I should knock it off and leave her alone. I felt like a real creep.”

“Oh.” He awkwardly patted his back. “I’m sorry, that… kinda sucks.”

“Yeah, well, I deserved it and then some. I  _ was _ a creep back then.”

“Wait, back then? When was this?”

“I dunno. A while back. Few years ago.”

“Pfft, well then who cares?! That was forever ago and you were both totally different people, right? You were still kids and whatever.”

“I guess.”

“Plus, you haven’t even seen her for two years! She’s done a lotta growin’ since she left that dumbass vault.” He puffed up again, “She came into this cave boring old Abby Lane, but now she’s  _ Abracadabra, _ ain’t she?”

Butch chuckled, “Do you give all the nicknames around here?”

“It’s part of being mayor.”

“Nice.”

“I mean, usually it just kinda happens naturally and I rubber stamp it, but in her case, it just came to me.” He waggled his eyebrows, “Like  _ magic.” _

“Heh. Right.”

“Everybody’s been callin’ you Grognak, by the way. It’s probably gonna stick.”

“I’m alright with that.”

“Well, good, because it’s gonna be a thing whether you like it or not.” He watched Abby finally crawl out of the projector and start closing it back up. “Look, I’mma tell you another little secret, alright? Free of charge.”

“Alright.”

“But it’s a  _ real _ secret and if you tell  _ anybody, _ I swear to God I will hunt you down and by the time I’m done, you’ll be _ beggin’ _ me to shoot you.”

“Alright, alright. Jeez, kid.”

Mac looked around to make sure nobody was nearby and scooted a little closer, lowering his voice. “I used to be a goddamn coward, okay? I was a great big baby. Lucy and me were friends and all but she’d never once looked at me like I wanted her to. All she ever saw was RJ the useless crybaby, right? Cause that’s exactly what I was.”

“Okay.”   


“When I was about eight, there was a cave-in. I almost died. I woulda died if Lucy hadn’t saved me. That’s when Red started training her up to be our next doc, cause she was just a natural. When I woke up, she was sitting there and I thought maybe I’d died and heaven was gonna be just looking at that face forever, which I was totally okay with. Then she started going on and on about how brave I’d been and how amazing I was. See, when the rocks started falling, Bumble was right there with me. She was only… fuck, I dunno,  _ little. _ Two or somethin’. Always holdin’ onto the back of my shirt wherever I went. I threw her outta the way so she wouldn’t get crushed. Didn’t even think about it. Just did it outta instinct or somethin’.” He shrugged, “I still dunno how that made me brave, but Lucy was  _ impressed, _ okay? She was finally looking at me exactly the way I’d always wanted her to. So… I started to  _ act _ brave. All the time. Even if I was scared shitless, I never let on. I just kept faking it. Couple years later, Princess made her move and tried to take over Lamplight. Back then most of the kids were terrified of her cause she was a big bully. Lucy looked so worried, so I just… did what I thought would impress her again. I socked Princess right in the fucking mouth, declared myself mayor, and that was that. Lucy’s been lookin’ at me like the sun shines outta my ass ever since.”

“Damn, kid.”

“All of this.” He motioned towards the jumble of shacks and walkways that made up the bulk of Lamplight. “All these kids I take care of. All the bullshit I put up with. All the mungos I make shit their pants and run away. Everything I do is all for  _ her. _ I made myself into who I am for her. Cause I wanted to be the guy she couldn’t take her eyes off of.”

“You wanted to be worthy of her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s it. That’s exactly it. I wanted to be worthy of her. Just like you want to be worthy of Abra, right?”

“Right.”

“You said you changed a lot since you were a kid, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you do it for her? Or did you do it for you?”

Butch frowned thoughtfully, “Well… maybe a twenty-eighty split? It started ‘cause of her, but then she left and I…  _ everybody _ said she’d be dead within a day. I kinda… backslid pretty hard at the idea of that.”

He shrugged, “Sure, who could blame you?”

“But then I figured if she really was gone, the least I could do is be the guy she thought I  _ could _ be, y’know? The one who was almost her friend there at the end.” He shrugged, “So I worked on myself. Got sober. Got it together. Tried to be that guy.”

He clapped once, “There. Boom. We got it. You’re him now, right?”

“I dunno. Maybe.” He winced, “That guy probably wouldn’t have yelled at her.”

“Okay, well… you’re still trying though, right? You’re gonna  _ keep _ trying, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. So show her. Show her you’re that guy. Get her lookin’ at you different.  _ Then _ spill your guts. It’ll probably make all the difference.”

“If she even lets me be around her after today.”

“Yeah, you might wanna start all this with an big, fatass apology.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

Mac scoffed, “Well, of course it isn’t. I’m the mayor. I never have bad ideas.”

Butch chuckled, “Yeah.” There was a flicker from below them and suddenly the entire cave was painted with twinkling little stars. “Wow. She fixed it.”

“Huh. Slowed it down some, too. That’s good. Maybe now certain dumbasses won’t let it make them so damn dizzy that they fall into the godforsaken thing.”

“Heh, yeah.”

“Abra thinks of everything.”

“Yup. Hey, can I ask you somethin’?”

“Sure.”

“You ever really stop being that coward deep down, or are you still pretendin’?”

“Heh. You’ll never know.” He rubbed out his cigarette on the wooden planks under them and stood. “Alright, well, there’s a beautiful girl somewhere out there in dire need of a little smoochin’ before bedtime and I’m pretty sure kissin’ by starlight is one of those crazy romantic things that’s gonna make her go all goofy, so I gotta split.”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Mac.”

“Night, Grognak.”

“You behave yourself.”

“Aw, do I gotta?” He grinned and gave him a little salute. “Good luck, idiot. Try to not fuck it up too hard.”

“Yeah. Right back at you, kiddo.”

Butch watched him jog off before getting up himself. Lucy had already disappeared somewhere. No doubt waiting patiently in the wings for her swell to show up and come sweep her off her feet again. Abby was still putting up the tools they’d used though. He could be useful there, right? Fetch and carry like a good boy. She was nearly finished when he joined her and jumped in that nervous bunny way she always did when she heard him clear his throat behind her. The chilly glare she leveled at him from over her shoulder didn’t exactly give him a lot of confidence here, but he was pretty committed to faking it anyway. See if the MacCready method held water or not.

“Hey.”

She immediately turned away and went back to packing up. “Can I help you with something?” Her voice could’ve given a penguin frostbite. Every damn word enunciated with the sharp, pointed precision of an icicle.

He sighed. She was  _ pissed. _ If she’d just been annoyed, she’d have gone with something more snarky, maybe thrown in an insult or three. But when pushed to the extreme limit of her patience, Abby had always defaulted to blisteringly haughty politeness. She was using that aloof duchess tone of voice with him, too. Like he was just an unpleasant patient she was forced to deal with.

Customer service Abby was just the worst.

“Figured I’d carry your toolbox. It looks heavy.”

“It’s not  _ my _ toolbox. It’s the  _ children’s _ toolbox.”

“Uh… okay. The lights are real pretty.”

“Thank you.” She finally snapped the lid shut and immediately huffed when he picked up the kit even as she was reaching for it. “That isn’t necessary.”

“I know.” He shrugged but didn’t set it down.

When he didn’t move, she huffed again, “Well? What are you waiting for?”

“I dunno where it goes.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake… _ fine. _ Come on.” She stomped off and he followed her into the old gift shop. “There. In the cabinet. Bottom shelf.”

“Right.”

“I could have carried it myself, you know.  _ Bumble  _ brought it to me. I may be small but I’m still a  _ little _ stronger than an eight year old.”

“‘Course you are, but you gotta protect your hands, right?”

“What?”

“Y’know, you’ve got doctor’s hands. They’re important. Don’t wanna rough ‘em up on somethin’ stupid like this.”   


“Oh.” She frowned at him, “Well… thank you, then. I guess.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.” Fucking hell, why’d he always feel so  _ awkward _ around her? How had he forgotten that? He nervously ran a hand over his hair, “Look, uh… I’m real sorry. For earlier. Gettin’ loud and all. That… that wasn’t cool. I was outta line and it won’t happen again. I swear.”

She folded her arms and contemplated the floor. “You just… started yelling at me out of nowhere. I don’t even know why you were mad in the first place.”

“Yeah, I know. I know you don’t.”

Her eyes flitted to his face before returning to the floor. “So… why were you mad?”

Oh, now there was an ignorant fucking question for you. Why  _ would _ he get so mad about her talking about not existing that he’d pitch a hissy fit about it? Golly, it sure was a mystery. Butch rubbed his forehead before tucking his hands back into his pockets so he wouldn’t get caught fidgeting.

“Alright, well… I guess… I just hated hearin’ you talk that way.”

She shrugged, “It is what it is.”

“But it ain’t though. You’re  _ wrong. _ I know you aren’t used to that, but you are. You bein’ born is --”,  _ the best thing that ever happened to me. _ “-- a  _ good _ thing, Abby. It’s a  _ great _ thing, even. A world without you, well… sucks. It just  _ sucks. _ And I would know cause until Amata told us all that you were still alive, I thought… I mean, we _ all _ thought, you’d died out here.” He shrugged, “It was… hard. It was a hard thing to…”

“You thought I was dead?”

“Well…  _ yeah.  _ I mean… I’m not tryin’ to offend you or anything, but out of everybody in the vault, you would have probably been the absolute last person anyone would think could survive out here, right?”

Abby sighed, “Right.”

“Overseer even told us you’d bit it. Just a week out. Everybody was still squabblin’ but nothing had really popped off yet. It was one of the last big events he did. Got us all in the atrium. Made this big, official announcement that you were dead. Just another victim of the surface world, like he’d had nothin’ to do with the whole mess. Did a half-assed moment of silence and ordered us all back to work. I guess he was hopin’ it would kill off anybody’s desire to leave, but it didn’t. Kinda backfired on him, really, cause… well, I dunno how much you ever knew about my side gigs, but I stopped doin’ his dirty work for him after that. Just went on a bender for a few months and no amount of extra rations or empty promises or even threats and beatdowns could stop me. Wally isn’t scary enough on his own to intimidate people into behavin’, so once Brotch and Old Lady Palmer sided with Amata’s rebels, that was it. The fight was on.”

“Oh.”

“Then, come to find out, it was all a lie! He’d known you were alive  _ the whole damn time. _ Amata said she was going to call for you to come back and we all thought she was nuts, but then she told us. Her dad had a radio he used to listen to the outside world so he could keep tabs on shit. He’d heard everything Three Dog had said about you. Wrote it all down in some secret file she stole. The stuff you’d done just… it sounded crazy. Some people said they must’ve gotten the vault number wrong or somethin’. Just couldn’t believe that you’d be out there savin’ people and fighting bad guys and shit. Amata said even if it wasn’t actually you, whoever it was could help us, so she put out the call anyway.” He gave her a sad smile, “I’m ashamed to say I couldn’t believe it was you myself. I didn’t… I  _ couldn’t _ make myself hope you might still be alive, but then you  _ were. _ It took a couple of weeks, but you  _ came back. _ And I couldn’t believe it. Felt like seein’ a ghost or somethin’.”

“Yeah, well… you weren’t far off. I felt like a ghost at that point.”

“Yeah, I know. You’d just lost your pops. At first, when you just looked right through me and breezed on by, I took it real personal, you know? Got stupid mad about it. That’s why I made myself scarce after. I felt like maybe you thought you were too good for us pitiful vaulties now or somethin’. Took me a while to put two and two together.”

“He’d been gone just a month then.”

“Yup. And then you’d almost died on top of it, right? Big dose of radiation.”

“Right. If Charon and Sarah hadn’t been there to drag me out of it, I don’t know if --”

He held up a hand. “Yeah, no. Let’s just not talk about what coulda happened, huh?”

“Okay.”

“Anyway, the point of all that is, I just… you gotta understand, I just can’t handle the idea of you not bein’ here, y’know? I just can’t. Not again. So, you sayin’ that stuff… I mean, it’s no excuse, but that’s why I got so mad. It wasn’t that I was mad at  _ you, _ I was just… mad at that whole idea.”

“It felt like you were mad at me.”

“Yeah, I know, on account of me tellin’ you to go fuck yourself and all. I can see how you’d think that meant I was pissed at you, but I wasn’t.”

She almost laughed and gave him a half smile, “Your behavior is still as inexplicable to me as it ever was. I guess some things never change, do they?”

“Ha. Yeah. I’m still a big ol’ weirdo over here.”

“When I came back and you didn’t talk to me, I thought you just didn’t care, you know? Not in a bad way or anything, I just figured you’d gone on with your life.”

“Yeah. Well… I didn’t. Obviously. That’s probably weird, too, huh? I mean, once you got out here you were tearin’ ass all over the place. Probably didn’t give any of us a second thought and there I was --”

“No, that’s not true.”

“What?”

“I thought about you. Sometimes.”

“You did?”

“Well… sure. I was homesick, you know? It was scary out here at first. I didn’t know anybody. I couldn’t find Daddy and most of the people I encountered early on were mean in a whole different way than what I was used to.”

“Oh. Right.” Not exactly what he’d kinda been hoping for there but at least he’d crossed her mind occasionally.

“Actually, your jacket really helped me back then. I wore it a  _ lot. _ Especially that first winter. Practically lived in it.”

Hope flared anew in his chest, “Really?”

“Yes, I did. It smelled like you. Like home, you know? I even slept in it most nights. I guess it was kind of my security blanket.” She made a face, “God, RJ’s right. I’m  _ not _ a proper adult.”

“Nah, he dunno nothin’. Look, I did the same thing. So don’t feel bad.” Fuck, faking being brave was hard. He wasn’t sure how the kid managed it so well.

“The same thing? What?”

“I uh…” He cleared his throat a little, “I slept in your bed. Every single night. The whole time you were gone.”

Her head tilted, “Daddy’s was bigger. Why didn’t you --”

“Cause it wasn’t about which bed was bigger, alright? It was…” He shrugged, “It was about wallowin’, I guess.”

“Wallowing?”

“Jeez.” Mac had been right. He really was gonna have to spell it all out for her someday. Using teeny, tiny words that she could understand easily. “I missed you, okay? I was... homesick for you like you were homesick for the vault. You get it?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s… that’s kind of sweet, actually.”

Butch shrugged, “It happens sometimes, but I wouldn’t get used to it.”

She laughed, “You’re still silly.”

“Yeah, that’s me. Silly.” He grinned at her. Just couldn’t help himself. Making her laugh still lit him up inside better than anything else ever had. Even if she was laughing at him. “So uh… I still got a job?”

“Sure. I guess. The kids seem to actually like you so, just… less yelling, for future reference.”

“Right. I’m on it. Less yelling. I can do that.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, did you manage to grab a bite yet? I know you were workin’ on that thing all day.”

“Oh. I guess I forgot.”

“You wanna, then? I could go for somethin’.”

“Eclair’s probably asleep by now.”

“So? I can cook, y’know.”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

“Well, it’s true.” If he hadn’t learned, he’d have starved. It’s not like ten year olds could survive on saltines and vodka.

“I can’t cook. I usually just char stuff until it seems safe to eat out here.”

“Pssh. It ain’t hard. If you can figure out all that science shit, you can cook. It’s just uh… chemistry, right?”

“Gastronomy.”

“Yeah! That. You can totally do it. I could show you how, if you want.”

“Okay.”

“Alright! This’ll be fun!”

“Hmm.” She stared up at him for a moment before abruptly moving forward and wrapping her arms around his waist. It was so unexpected that all he could do was freeze while his brain tried to make sense of what was happening.

“Um… what uh, whatcha doin’ there, angel?”

“Thank you for missing me.”

The quiet, slightly wobbly way it came out against his chest had tears coming to his eyes and he finally managed to get his arms around her. This was it. This was the thing she was missing from her life now. Having someone around who cared about her for her. Not ‘cause she was a doctor or the Lone Wanderer or Abracadabra or whatever. Just cause she was her.

He squeezed her as tight as he dared and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t gotta thank me, sweetheart. That’s just what best friends are for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from Saint Basil: "A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."


	8. It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Butch lounged on Abby’s sofa and pretended to read while watching her do mysterious science stuff at the lab up in the loft. She still made the same faces from when they were kids. Chewing on her lower lip while she worked. Pouting cartoonishly at solutions that didn’t wanna behave. Doing a little wiggle dance in her chair when they did. It was cute. It was stupid cute, actually.

Every goddamn thing she did was stupid cute.

Whatever it was she was working on now clearly required a lot of concentration. That familiar line between her eyebrows had taken up permanent residence on her forehead. He’d have offered her a drink or a snack or maybe even a super friendly and not at all pervy shoulder rub if she seemed amendable to it. But after seeing the way she’d practically torn poor old Waddy’s head off for daring to attempt handing her some water, he was happy to play it safe. Opting instead to camp out down here where he was out of the way and outta the line of fire.

She finally leaned back and twisted in her chair, popping her neck before taking off her goggles and gloves. He almost spoke, but realized she might think he’d been staring at her for over an hour, which he totally had been, so he pretended to not notice she was done.

Abby leaned over the railing, “Hey. You want to go to Gob’s?”

He checked his PipBoy. Barely two in the afternoon. “Little early to start happy hour, ain’t it?”

She wrinkled her nose at him, “He’s expecting this treatment and I’m already late getting it to him. I just don’t like to go there alone if it’s after lunch.”

Butch frowned, “What? Why not? I thought you liked Gob and them.”

“I do!”

“Huh.”

There was something here he was missing that she seemed weirdly reluctant to talk about, but he decided to let it slide. It had only been a couple of weeks since Lamplight and he was still trying to show her how agreeable and nice he could be. Friendly-like. He hadn’t even made any salacious comments about watching her walk from the bathroom to her room in that itty bitty towel every night even though it drove him crazy. Or mentioned the fact that she nearly never wore a bra anymore despite the way his mouth sometimes watered over it. Or even continued bitching about her hair, even though it was still way too long and needed a cut in the worst possible way.

It was pretty though. The way the weight of it pulled the curl a little looser. She’d once sat in the floor brushing out Dogmeat’s coat and he’d been weirdly hypnotized watching it sway rhythmically against her back, nearly touching the floor as she worked. Almost made her look naked the way flashes of her bare shoulders and arms would sometimes peek through it. It was beautiful, unkempt tangles and all, and so what if he’d almost reached out to see what it would feel like sliding through his fingers?

He  _ hadn’t, _ and that was the point,  _ and _ he still hadn’t said a  _ word. _ Not  _ one single word. _

He gave her the same lame compliment at the same stupid time every damn day. Just after breakfast, once she got dressed and was ready to go take on the world. He’d smile as politely as he could, tell her she looked nice, and that was  _ it. _ That was his little pressure valve for all the things that kept wanting to fall outta his mouth.

Stuff like even after seeing the stars and the moon, thunderstorms and all the sunsets this world had to offer, she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. That he didn’t understand how or even why she managed to stay soft and clean in a world that was hard and dirty but he loved it all the same. How hearing her voice after thinking it was lost to him forever felt like hearing rock 'n roll for the first time all over again, only every single day.

Just… real sappy shit. It kept bubblin’ up and he kept stampin’ it right back down. He wasn’t gonna let his mouth blow this for the rest of him. Not this time. Not again.

The way she was staring at him now, half curious, half exasperated, kinda made him want to run up there and tickle her silly. Kiss her after until the giggles became a whole different sound. Make her happy every way he could before her busy bee life got in the way again.

“Hello? Earth to Butch. Come in, Butch.”

“What?”

“Are you coming or aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m comin’.”

“Okay. I’m going to change first.”

“Oh, you get somethin’ on you?”

“No, I just… want to change.”

There was that weird thing again. A hesitation. She wouldn’t exactly meet his eyes, like she was ashamed of somethin’.

It better not be the fact that her little so-called hypothetical situation about the asshole withholding information had turned out to be fact based. Gob had already told him all about the whole damn thing over a couple of beers. How she’d cried and begged that jerk Moriarty for help and he’d laughed in her face. They way she'd got good and pissed after seeing the bruises on Nova and the way Gob flinched whenever he walked by. Plus that business with Silver outside of town. How somehow,  _ mysteriously, _ someone slipped a live grenade in that fucker’s pocket when he was heading out back to take a shit. Caused quite a bit of a ruckus, but once the sheriff saw there was only one body on the ground, and realized which body it was, he’d had it tossed over the wall and that was that. The town just shrugged it off and carried on like nothing had ever happened.

He was still trying to figure out a way to ask her how the hell she’d pulled it off. Barely a week outta the vault and she was already takin’ charge and protecting people who needed it. Kickin’ ass and… well, not taking names. More like kickin' ass and then attempting to quietly fade back into the shadows while everybody pulled her into the limelight against her will.

Abby didn’t brag or boast about any of the shit she’d done. Ever. If you brought it up, she’d either shrug it off as not a big deal or just awkwardly acknowledge that it had happened and change the subject. She was still good for goodness’ sake. Somehow.

Butch waited by the door and his brow knit at the outfit she reappeared in. At least three layers up top and if the sad lack of jigglin’ was any indication, was definitely sportin’ a bra for once. Baggy jeans. Her hair was pulled back in a bun so tight it had to hurt. He didn’t say anything but just nodded in acknowledgement and followed her out the door. Dogmeat trotted along with them until they hit the main drag and then darted off for the gate when they turned to head further into town.

Gob’s was blissfully cool and dark when they entered. Radio going but already turned down low for the midafternoon crowd. Nova was nowhere to be seen so she had to be upstairs either taking a nap or enjoying a little afternoon delight with one of her rotating boyfriends. Rory was sweeping though and scurried over to Abby when they entered.

“Hey.”

“Hey. How are you?”

“Fine, fine.” He leaned over and lowered his voice, “Jericho’s already here. I’m sorry. I dunno why he’s early today.”

“Where?”

“Set up in his corner. Where else?”

She sighed, “Okay. Thanks for the warning.”

“Yeah.” He nodded at Butch and went back to his sweeping.

Okay. There was no way he could ignore that. “What the fuck was that about?”

“It’s nothing.” She shook her head. “We won’t be here long anyway. Don’t worry about it.”

“Hmm.”

Oh, he was plenty worried alright. They’d been here lots of times already, but always before noon. Sometimes even before it opened properly. Nova and Gob were some of her best customers for chems. Nova for things like Med-X and the occasional antibiotic. She might have switched jobs from prostitute to hotel manager, but she was still as popular with the johnnies as she ever was. Gob for the experimental treatments he kept asking Abby for. Trying to find a way to turn back the ravages of turning ghoul, or at least slow them down a little.

The barkeep in question emerged from the back room and immediately brightened when he saw them. “Hey! It’s my favorite smoothskin. Whatcha got for me today, Doc?”

Abby smiled at him and set her pack up at the end the counter. “Little something Dr. Li came up with. I was finally able to synthesize it correctly.”

“Oooh, a Doc Li original, huh? Fancy.”

“M’hmm. It’s probably the reason I still have my hair after that business at the purifier.”

He grinned grotesquely at her and rubbed a hand over his own patchy scalp, “Think it’ll help me out like that? Used to have the shiniest head of hair you ever saw.”

“I honestly have no idea. You’re the first ghoul test subject for it.”

“Nice.” He held out his forearm and chuckled as she carefully cleaned what skin was present and glanced his way. “She does this every time, y’know. Acts like I’m still a human and actually need all this antibacterial stuff.”

She huffed, “You  _ are _ still a human, Gob. You’re just a very, very irradiated one.”

“Pfft. Tell that to your Brotherhood friends.”

“I do. Quite often.”

“M’hmm.” He made a face when she slid the needle in, “This shit have side effects?”

“It threw off my sense of taste.”

“Meh. I wouldn’t miss it.”

Butch smirked. He knew something had to have screwed with it. Nobody actually liked the kinda slop she’d eat unless they were starving. “So what’s it supposed to do?”

“Halt cellular degradation and reactivate latent stem cell production.”

“M’kay… and that means?”

“It might help Gob regrow a few… things.”

He nodded and sighed, “I do miss fingernails. You never think you’d miss ‘em, but you do.”

Rory appeared at Abby’s side and set a shot of whiskey in front of her. “Sorry, Abs. He insisted.”

She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. “Of course.” A cursory glance in the glass and she scoffed at the visible oily sheen floating on top. Residue of whatever chem the drink had been doped with. Amateur. Even if she were inclined to enjoy alcohol, which she certainly was not, she wouldn’t have just blindly drank something without even looking at it first. The very idea that she’d be so careless and stupid was beyond insulting. Abby turned and glared at the former raider staring at her from the back corner before leaning over the counter to pour the shot out. “Glass was dirty.”

Gob took it and frowned at the iridescent film still clinging to the sides. “Oughta have him run outta town.”

“Has he been bothering anyone else?”

“No. Not since you told him to lay off.”

“Then don’t worry about it.”

He dropped the glass in the sink, “He shouldn’t be bothering you, either. I don’t care how many caps he spends here.”

Butch casually leaned back against the counter and studied the old asshole leering at Abby from across the way. Grizzled and bald. Salt and pepper beard. Cold, dark eyes like you sometimes saw on a feral dog.

Gross.

“I’ll be seeing you, Gob.”

“Aw, don’t let him run you off.”

She sniffed primly, “He’s not running me off. I just have a lot of work to do.”

“M’hmm.”

He hopped up onto a stool, “Think I’ll stay for a bit. I’m kinda hungry.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll see you later then, I guess.”

Was it his imagination or did she kind of sound disappointed? Probably thought he was about to start suckin’ down shots the second she walked out the door. As if he’d ever been a day drinker.

“Laters.” He didn’t watch her go but kept an ear open for the sound of the rusty door shutting behind her.

Gob set down a beer in front of him and slid over the handwritten menu. “We aren’t as fancy as the Lantern, but what we got’ll fill you up. So? What’ll it be, kid?”

He pulled out a sack of caps and slapped them down on the counter. “Tell me every single piece of dirt you got on this Jericho character.”

* * *

Abby sat at her laboratory, exactly where she’d been for the past three hours since leaving Gob’s, and did her best to keep her eyes on her work. Checking the clock, again, for quite possibly the millionth time, wasn’t going to make Butch magically appear.

And why should she care if he weren’t here anyway? Shouldn’t she be savoring this rare quiet time? Free from his incessant yammering on about inconsequential bits of nonsense and his inane childlike observations about the world around them. Despite being her so-called assistant, he hadn’t added anything to her jobs but more work thus far. She was forever having to stop and explain things or introduce him to people and then wait impatiently for him to finish talking to those people.

He was still as effortlessly charming when he wanted to be as he’d ever been. It was a bit grating to have all her friends suddenly also be his friends, too. She suspected several of them actually preferred his company over hers at this point. He was more outgoing. Laughed a lot and always had a joke in his pocket. He was entertaining, was the thing. She was not and she’d never wanted to be, so that probably shouldn’t bother her either. But it did.

Maybe that was it though. Maybe she’d somehow developed a dependency upon him as a source of constant entertainment. The way some people couldn’t sleep without a radio or a fan on.

She snapped her fingers when it finally came to her. White noise. That’s what he brought to the table. That was exactly it. She got up, walked across the loft and switched on the old jukebox, nodding to herself when soft music filled the house. There. Problem solved. She didn’t need Butch around to keep her amused. She could amuse herself perfectly well. Just like she always had.

It took her an hour, and more than a few cursory glances at the clock, before she was forced to concede that his predilection for calling attention to himself was not, in fact, what she was missing.

Company, maybe? Perhaps that was it. Humans were, at the end of the day, in the large ape family after all. Designed by nature to be social creatures. That’s part of why humans were capable of bonding to anything. She herself was quite attached to both her robot and her dog for no sensible reason. She simply liked having them around.

Abby watched Wadsworth dusting the living room and sighed to herself. She couldn’t very well interrupt his work just because she was feeling a trifle lonely. That would be ridiculous. Dogmeat was off doing whatever it was doggies did when you weren’t looking and probably wouldn’t be back until at least after dinner.

Maybe she could try her hand at building another robot. She’d never done it before, but she’d watched all the work being done on Liberty Prime and it seemed straightforward enough. Maybe just a little one? Something small and amusing to zoom around her desk? She could hide it under the old army cot Butch had set up where her reading nook used to be. Surprise him into that goofy laugh that somehow almost always made her smile. He’d say something funny about how they were being invaded by...

She set her head down on her desk and sighed again. This was stupid. Why was she missing him so much?

Or was she even missing him? Maybe this weird, unsettled feeling in her stomach had more to do with where he was. He drank beer, of course, nearly every night with dinner, which was fine. Most people did out here where clean water was still something of a novelty. But he hadn’t  _ really _ drank since they started living together. Nobody spent this long at the Saloon just eating those stale bar crackers and sipping a few beers. He was probably soaked to the gills by now. She scowled at the idea and waited for the feeling of righteous indignation to sweep through her, but all that came was an increase in the strange fluttering going on in her stomach.

She put her hands over her belly and frowned thoughtfully at it. Was she sick? Some kind of parasite maybe? Butch had been handling the cooking whenever they were in the field, so she was fairly confident she hadn’t ingested anything contaminated. Even if he were still interested in pranking her, which so far he hadn’t been, he ate everything she did and he’d never deliberately make himself ill, right? That was just crazy.

Was it because Jericho was hanging around the Saloon today? There was no denying how dangerous he was or how much she loathed him. His attempts at bullying her into a sexual relationship notwithstanding, the man was a former raider who’d only left that lifestyle because he had to. That nasty case of hemoptysis he had was no joke. Likely caused by constant exposure to the elements and excessive chem use for nearly fifty years.

She knew, as a doctor, that it was her job to pity the man, but she just couldn’t. Every time he wheezed and hacked up another handful of blood from his failing lungs, she was spitefully satisfied by his pain. Which was awful. Just an awful, terrible thing but she couldn’t help it. The way he’d made every young woman in town uncomfortable and afraid made it impossible for her to feel one iota of sympathy for him.

He was dangerous. Dangerous like a rabid dog. If he weren’t also useful at fighting off his former brethren, he’d have been kicked out of town years ago. Maybe one day they’d all get lucky and he’d finally take a bullet nasty enough to kill him off once and for all.

Her front door opened and Abby immediately shot up out of her chair and then forced herself to sit back down. It would be silly and graceless to run to the door like a damn dog just because Butch had finally decided to come back home. She could hear him humming some tuneless little song to himself. He’d obviously had a good time without her, and she’d gotten plenty of work done while he wasn’t around to distract her, so it was fine.

This was all fine.

Wadsworth tutted, “Oh, dear. Doctor Lane? You may want to come downstairs.”

She snapped out of her woolgathering with a start, “What?”

“I believe Mister DeLoria requires… assistance.”

That had her back on her feet and bolting down the stairs. Butch grinned at her when she appeared and she gasped. His once pristine white shirt was now covered in blood splatter and his hair was all over the place. He was swaying on his feet, even as he tried to pose casually by the couch. He nearly fell over altogether when his hand slipped off the back.

“What happened?”

“Aw, nothin’. Don’t get all… y’know, you do that thing…” He pointed at her, “Yeah. That thing with your face. Scrunch face. Don’t do that.”

“What? My face? There’s nothing wrong with  _ my _ face. What about  _ your _ face?!”

“Psh. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with my face.”

“It’s covered in blood!” She finally realized his words were slurring together and frowned, “Are you drunk?”

“Uh…”

“Did you get into some kind of drunken bar brawl the moment my back was turned?!”

“Ha! Nah.” The grin was back and he plucked at his shirt, “This all happened before the drinkin’. Gob said I deserved a reward, and when in Rome… er, Megaton… y’know.” He shrugged.

Abby pointed at a nearby chair. She was so angry her hands were shaking. _ “Sit. Down.” _

“Yeah, yeah. I told ‘em you’d be mad. I said, she’s always mad at me, I says. Then Nova’s all naaaah and --”

“Shut up and sit down!”

“Okay, okay. Jeez.” He flopped down and made a face. “Always gotta be so dang piss-uh, prickly about shit.”

Wadsworth wordlessly floated over with the first aid kit and a washcloth and she took them both.

“Unbelievable. I really thought you’d changed.” She scowled and started wiping away the worst of it. “I thought you were past this kind of behavior.”

Butch pouted at her, “I didn’t… I didn’t start nothin’.”

“How can you possibly expect me to believe that? I… wait.” A few more passes with the washcloth and she frowned. “I can’t find a cut anywhere.”

He snickered, “Ain’t my blood, sweetcheeks.”

“What?”

“Nah.”

“But you were in a fight, weren’t you?”

“Pssh. Wasn’t much of a fight. More like… me hittin’ him and him hittin’ the floor. Ha.” He smiled and then frowned, “Kinda bummed about it. I expected...  _ more.” _

Abby started checking over the rest of him, but couldn’t find any wounds except some scrapes and bruising around his knuckles. “What on earth did you do?”

He blinked slowly at her and then smiled, wide and innocent before tapping her nose with his finger. “Boop.”

She sighed, “You’re beyond whatever help I can give you. You need to sleep this off.”

Tap, tap, tap went his finger. “Boop, boop, boop.”

“Stop that.”

“M’kay. Not how it goes anyway.” He continued to mumble to himself while she ignored him and wiped whoever’s blood it was off him. “What’s it… dit dot ditty dit dot a ditty ditty…”

“Take your shirt off, please.”

“Heh. Anytime, angel.” He peeled it off and tossed it blindly, not noticing that Wadsworth easily caught it, tsking under his breath and floating away. Butch grinned up at her, “Like what you see?”

She glared at him, “No. Not really.”

“Aw.”

“Because what I see is a big, giant baby who can’t control themselves.”

He sighed, “Yeah.”

“This is ridiculous behavior out of someone your age. A grown man of twenty-two! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

“Pffft.” He blew a raspberry and closed his eyes.

“Don’t you stick your tongue out at me!”

“Dit dot ditty…”

“Stop singing!”

“...baby come home to me.” His eyes slowly cracked back open and he smiled, “Hey, I got it now!”

“Oh, goody.”

“I sent my baby a telegram… asking to be her man…”

Abby groaned, “Wadsworth!”

“...begging her to come back home to me. _ Baby come home to me!” _

“I need a hand, please!”

Butch grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close, “Oh, I dotted the I's and I crossed the T's.”

She squeaked in surprise and tried to push him away but it was no use. “Why are you always like this when you drink?!”

“And I'm begging pretty please! Honey honey, come back home to me! Come on, Abby. Wanna dance?”

“No, I do not!”

“Aw.” His forehead fell against her chest with a thump. “Never get to dance with you.”

Wadsworth finally reappeared and tapped her shoulder, “Upstairs?”

“Yes, please.”

Butch whined and grumbled when the Mister Handy pried him off her but at least attempted to get up the stairs under his own power. “What do I gotta do, Waddy?”

“Currently? Go to sleep.”

“No! What do I gotta  _ do?  _ There’s… I’m tryin’. Been tryin’ real hard.”

“Of course, sir.”

“She don’t see it.”

“Hmm.”

He tried to look over his shoulder and almost fell off the staircase altogether, “You need to wear your specs more, Einstein! Don’t see  _ nothin’!” _

She sighed. Great, now he was becoming belligerent with her. Maybe the moods came in waves. “Good night, Butch.”

“Oh, it could be! It could be  _ great, _ but it won’t!” He continued to glare at her, even as Wadsworth tugged him along. “Cause you won’t let it! Can’t do nothin’!”

Abby watched them go and rubbed her temples. Well. She’d wanted him home, right? He’d certainly delivered that bit of excitement she’d apparently been craving. The weird tummy flutters were completely gone, too. All that remained was a desire to yell at him for a few more hours, but he was close to passing out so that wouldn’t do any good.

Wadsworth eventually came floating down with his boots and tossed them by the door. “Mr. DeLoria is out, Doctor Lane.”

“Thanks.”

“I placed a few cans of water on his nightstand for when he wakes.”

“Good thinking.”

“Also a bucket on the floor. Just in case.”

“You’re a gem, Waddy.”

“Shall I keep an eye on things while you go investigate?”

She frowned, “Investigate?”

“Yes. I had assumed you would want to make sure there was no property damage that you, as the responsible party, would be liable for.”

“Oh, God, I hadn’t even thought of that.”

“Mr. DeLoria is still technically our guest, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Therefore by local law, you are responsible for any trouble he causes, correct?”

She nodded. Such a sensible rule to help keep out the riffraff. Still was, even now when it was her riffraff she was forced to deal with. “Right. I’ll be back soon. Continue to monitor his life signs for me, alright?”

“Of course, Doctor. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

Abby grabbed her pack and headed out the door. She always carried an emergency supply of roughly two hundred caps when they were on the road. Hopefully whatever damage he’d done was under that amount or she was going to have to barter. She took a moment to collect herself just outside the Saloon before pushing the door open.

The scent of pre-war pine immediately hit her hard enough that tears came to her eyes. Rory was mopping in a corner, but didn’t seem angry about it. If anything, he seemed shockingly cheerful for such a thing. Whistling to himself as he swished the dirty water around the floor.

Gob’s whole face lit up the second he saw her, “Abby! What’ll ya have? On the house! It’s all on the house tonight!”

“Um.” She looked around and realized the entire mood of the bar seemed like she’d just walked in on a party of some kind. “Nuka?”

“Comin’ right up!”

Nova was suddenly right next to her and slung an arm around her shoulders, “You did good, kiddo. That’s some man you’ve got there.”

Gob beamed, “Ain’t he, though! What a guy!”

“Did you drop in to pick up his dinner? He was so focused on getting home to you that he clean forgot all about it. Gob put it in a box just in case.”

“Yeah, he’s a sweetie. I bet Mom would love him, too. You take him to Underworld yet?”

“Um.” Abby sat on a stool and accepted her Nuka. “No. Not yet.”

“Well, you better soon. She’ll get miffed if she finds out you’ve been keepin’ such a catch from her. She’ll want to know all about it.”

She took a sip to be polite and cleared her throat, “I’m sorry, know all about what?”

“You and that handsome bit of wonderful, silly.” Nova laughed, “Honestly, Abby, I don’t why you didn’t tell us about it sooner. You know, there is such a thing as being  _ too _ quiet and modest, honey.”

“Tell you about what?”

“Getting married, of course!” Gob huffed at her, “Now, I know the Lantern’s more family style --”

“What?”   


“-- but don’t go forgettin’ us, eh? We could do a very nice reception in here. Lots of room for dancing.”

“And rooms upstairs for when you’re ready for a different kind of dancing.”

“Yeah! Honeymoon suite! We could do it up proper for you, couldn’t we, Nova?”

“Of course we could!”

“Wait, what? Who’s getting married?”

They both blinked at her before exchanging a confused look. “You and Butch, smoothskin. Who else would we be talking about?”

She blinked back before bursting into laughter, “I’m - I’m - oh, my God! What?! Me and Butch?”

He frowned, “Hey, what’s so funny?”

“He would never… and I wouldn’t... “ She shook her head, too amused to get it all out. “We aren’t engaged. We’re barely even friends. Goodness gracious, you two are  _ silly!” _

“We are not!”   


“Of course you are! You’re too funny for words! Why on earth would you think I was going to  _ marry _ him?!”

“Because he said so, sugar. Why else?” Nova pouted, “Now see, I knew there was something screwy about it. My gut told me you wouldn’t have this big crazy romance going on without us knowing about it.”

Gob scratched his head, “Yeah, that seemed a little off to me, too. Huh.”

Abby rolled her eyes, “Butch gets famously affectionate when he drinks. That’s all. Honestly, you’re both lucky he didn’t try to proposition you.”

She laughed, “If he had, I wouldn’t have said no. He’s somethin’ else.”

“M’hmm.” She leveled a flat look at Gob. “I suppose you’re head over heels for him, too, then?”

“Nah, he’s not really my type. But, if you ever get tired of him being your gopher, I’d love to have him as a bouncer for the place. He’s pretty good at it.”

Nova nodded, “Gifted, is the word.”

“Yeah, that.”

“Okay, good, let’s all focus for a moment, please. That’s exactly why I’m here. What on earth happened and did he break anything I need to pay for?”

“Uh… well, if somebody’s gonna have a bill for you, it’ll be Doc Church. Sheriff dragged Jericho there after Butch tossed him out on his ass.”

“He picked a fight with Jericho?!”

“No, honey, no.” Nova shook her head, “Butch was just sitting here, chitchatting with Gob like usual. You know how they get. I was bussing tables so they could have their little hen session --”

Gob pouted, “Hey!”

“-- and Jericho decided to get frisky and pinched my ass. I told him to back off and that if he touched the merchandise again, I’d consider that theft. Then he… well, he made a comment I won’t repeat in front of polite company. That’s when your friend… intervened.” She shrugged, “Guy had it comin’. Nobody can argue he didn’t.”

“What’d he do?”

“Oh, you shoulda seen it!” Gob looked practically ecstatic to have someone to tell the tale to. “First he stands up, real tall and intimidatin’, and he says to him ‘Hey! The lady said to lay off!’”

“I felt just like I was in an old western.”

“Yeah! Yeah, that’s it! It was like watchin’ some old western. Air got all heavy and stuff. Everybody went real quiet. It was nuts. Then Jericho stands up, too, and tells him to fuck off. That it doesn’t concern him. And Butch says --”

“I’m making it my concern.”

“Yeah! Hey! Nova, knock it off! I’m tellin’ it!”

“Alright, alright.” She sat up on the counter and lit a cigarette. “So tell it already.”

“I am!” He glared at her one last time and slid an ashtray over. “Anyway! Then he turns to Nova here and says ‘Excuse me, sweetheart’ and sets her up on the counter. Just like she’s sittin’ now!”

_ “M’hmm. _ Yes, he did. Picked me up like it was nothing, and he has  _ very _ large hands, sugar.” She held up a hand and curled her fingers over. “Like a yao guai. You could do a heck of a lot worse in my opinion.”

“Nova!”

“Sorry, Gobbie.”

“Anyway! Then he tells her to get behind the bar on account of she’s a lady and he didn’t want her to get hurt.”

_ “Swoon.” _

_ “Nova!” _ He scowled, “You’re throwin’ off my whole train of thought here! Jeez. Now where was I… oh, right. So then Jericho’s still runnin’ his mouth, of course. When’s he not, right? Butch tells him to cut the shit. Put up or shut up. Challenged him to a fight right there.” He snorted, “For Nova’s  _ honor.” _

She pouted, “Hey!”

“Oh, come on. It was cute. Even you laughed when he said it.”

“Okay, maybe, but I’m  _ allowed _ to laugh. You aren’t.”

“Okay, okay. Now I could see Jericho thought this would be cake, right? Soft vault kid thinkin’ he’s tough shit. But damn, Abby, you shoulda seen it. I’ve never seen a guy that big move that fast. He let the old man take the first swing and then that was it.  _ Bam! _ Right in the stomach!  _ Bam! _ Another one in the face!  _ Boom! _ Knee to the chest! It was amazing!”

Abby stared at them in horror, “So he just brutally beat a sad old man to a pulp and nobody did anything to stop him?”

“Uh…”

Nova clicked her tongue at her, “Oh, come off it, Abby. He might be old, but he’s still as dangerous as he ever was… not to mention, a  _ dick.” _

She huffed and folded her arms, “I guess.”

“Alright, so Butch gets done wipin’ the floor with his ass and turns back to ask me what I want him to do with the guy.” Gob grinned, “Nice touch, y’know. Lettin’ me have the final word and all. But then Jericho comes at him with a knife he must’ve had stashed somewhere and… well, I bet he wishes he hadn’t right about now. Butch snapped his wrist like it was a twig. Beat on him until he stopped movin’ and then tossed him right out the door.”

“And he apologized right after. Don’t forget that part.”

“Oh, right, right, right! That felt like a western, too! Y’know, when the hero says he’s sorry for the mess, ma’am, but you know justice was served so it’s like no harm no foul, right? After that, he picked up the furniture they’d knocked over and then tried to leave. I said nuts to that and told him we were gonna celebrate in style! Opened the door and invited everybody who could hear me holler that we were throwin’ a ‘Jericho got his ass kicked’ party. Nearly the whole damn town was in here. Pattin’ him on the back and whatever. Said they’d be happy to trade him for Jericho. Y’know, them both bein’ good fighters and all. He hung around for a while after. Kept tryin’ to leave but everybody wanted to buy him a round.”

Nova nodded, “Then he started talking about how he was going to marry you and all. So I figured he was missing his girl and sent him on home.”

“Yeah.” Gob pouted thoughtfully, “Jeez, hope he wasn’t too much of a handful for you, Abs. We really thought we were sending him off to a whole ‘nother celebration, if you know what I mean. If I’d known that was just a vodka fueled fantasy, I’d have locked him in a room upstairs until he sobered up.”

“No, it was fine. Wadsworth and I got him situated.”

“Oh, good. Okay then.”

“And Jericho’s at the clinic now?”

Gob shrugged, “Far as I know. Who the fuck cares? Now he’s been knocked down a few pegs, maybe he won’t prance around here thinkin’ he’s the toughest guy in the room anymore. That’s all I care about.”

“Okay, well… if nobody else was hurt and you really don’t mind it and all… are you sure he didn’t break anything?”

He waved her off, “Few dishes. No big deal. He already settled up.”

“Oh.” That seemed remarkably responsible of him. She felt kind of bad now for assuming he was in here engaging in the same old juvenile shenanigans he was once famous for. “Okay, well, I guess I’ll take his food back home for when he wakes up.”

Gob grinned, “I’m gonna add a few pieces of pie to it. On the house.”

Abby left with two extra Nukas in her pack as well. Not that she really needed it, but they’d insisted. Now that she wasn’t so worried Butch had effectively ruined her reputation in Megaton, she noticed the proud nods and grins tossed her way by nearly everyone she passed. A few, like Manya and Leo, even gave her pats on the back as they went by.

Everyone seemed elated that someone had finally had the guts to properly stand up to Jericho. The thing was, Butch didn’t actually have those guts, he was just ignorant of the kind of man Jericho was. As satisfying as it was for everyone to know he’d finally got what was coming to him, Abby knew the second his feet were under him, he’d be plotting his revenge. And a man with decades of wasteland raider experience seeking retribution was nothing to sneeze at.

She couldn’t allow that. Butch was her friend now. She felt bad for doubting him and yelling when she should have given him the benefit of the doubt or at least a chance to explain himself properly. There was no way she could just pretend like none of this had happened, right? If she didn’t intervene here and Jericho’s rage went unchecked, he could really hurt him. Even the idea of it made her heart skip around in her chest. That awful, boring, oppressive silence that had filled her home the moment he was gone from it becoming a permanent thing was downright scary.

She couldn’t let that happen. At least not until she figured out why she was so weirdly attached to him now. She’d already lost too much.

Abby opened the door to the clinic and acknowledged the doctor’s raised eyebrow with a coolly professional, polite nod. “Church.”

“Lane.”

“I hope I’m not bothering you. I heard you have a new patient.”

“Yeah.” His eyes narrowed thoughtfully and he stood, stretching. “Been meaning to take a smoke break. Keep an eye on the place for me?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks. Just be about… oh, say ten minutes?”

“Perfect.”

“Yup.”

She entered as he left and set her things down.

All the supplies she wanted were already here. She quickly found the vials she needed and loaded up a syringe. Her footsteps were quiet and measured, but Jericho’s ears heard her anyway. He didn’t bother opening his eyes, just scowled as she stood and admired Butch’s handiwork.

No, not admired. That was bad. Only a bad person would have thoughts like that. Cataloging his injuries. That’s all she was doing. Severe bruising throughout his face and torso. A split lip and broken nose. His wrist had already been set and according to his chart, a collarbone and a few ribs had been shattered. Severe subdural hematoma and concussion. She wasn’t sure why, but seeing the damage done to him all written out like that made her cheeks feel hot and a strange, swooping feeling to fill her stomach. It reminded her of when Sarah made her put on her power armor and jump off the top of the Citadel to experience freefall.

“‘Bout damn time. My head’s killin’ me, Church.”

Abby took a deep breath and settled into work mode. Unflappable and brutally competent. “I’m sorry. Doctor Church has stepped out for the moment.”

His eyes snapped open and he glared at her. She felt a twinge of disappointment in herself for feeling powerful at how afraid he looked. Fortunately, her personal misgivings about her conduct were eclipsed by the simple reality of the situation. She was, as ever, only doing what had to be done for the collective common good.

“The fuck you doin’ here?”

“Filling in for a colleague.”

“I don’t want you. Get out.”

“Patient exhibits signs of psychological distress and paranoia.”

“The fuck you say!” He made to get up but winced and fell back against the bed.

“You really shouldn’t try to get up. Even with stimpaks, geriatric bones take time to heal properly. You’re going to injure yourself.”

“I’m warnin’ you, girlie. You get the hell outta here right now.”

“Patient is combative and unable to follow simple directions.”

“Stop it! Stop with that fucking voice!”

Abby ignored his outburst and slid the syringe into his IV bag. “A mild sedative should alleviate his suffering.” The liquid turned the saline solution a faint blue color and she gave him her best doctor smile, confident and soothing. “There. All done.” She tossed the needle and sat next to his bed. “Now then, Jericho. You do know why I'm here, don't you?”

He glared at her but didn’t say anything. Just as well, really. She didn’t need an answer.

“You see, I know you. I know the moment you’re well, you’re going to hunt Butch down for sport to avenge your bruised ego. I’m afraid I can’t allow that.”

His eyes fluttered shut for a moment and he was no longer able to focus directly on her face. “What the hell did you do to me?”

“Only what I had to.” She leaned in and whispered as his eyes dilated, already reacting to the slow die off of synaptic activity in his brain. “I told you and I told you. I would forgive and forget what you did to me  _ so long as you didn’t do it to anybody else. _ So long as you left my friends alone. But you didn’t do that, did you? You touched Nova tonight. You broke faith with me and now your life is forfeit.”

“What’d you give me? Wha… what the hell was in that?”

She smiled gently, her eyes blank and cold, and carefully folded his hands together, neat and dignified. More than he deserved but she’d always been too kind. Everyone said so. 

“Peace.”

* * *

Butch frowned, struggling to climb out of his fitful sleep. Someone was knocking on a door somewhere. Wadsworth answered but he couldn’t make out the voice just yet. He finally managed to wrestle his eyes open and identified the visitor as Sheriff Sims. A soft groan left him as he winced. Abby was gonna be pissed if he’d --

“Good morning, Sheriff. How can I help you?”

“Morning, Doc. You heard about the altercation that went down last night, right?”

\-- fucked up.

“Yes, I already spoke to Gob and Doctor Church about restitution. I apologize for my guest’s actions.”

“No, no need. Several witnesses saw the whole thing. Everyone agrees your friend didn’t start anything.”

“Then what is this about?”

“Well, seems ol’ Jericho’s finally gone on to that raider nest in the sky.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, went in his sleep last night. Probably just too much excitement. Church says it looks like his ticker just gave out on him. You know as well as I do the guy couldn’t accept the fact that he was past his prime. It’s probably a miracle he’s lasted as long as he did.”

“Hmm.”

“Anyway, the Confessor and them are doing a service for him later today, if you’re interested in that kinda thing.”

“Oh. That does sound nice, but I don’t think I’ll be able to attend. I’m headed to the Citadel today.”

“Ah. Alright.”

“It’s just so short notice, you understand.”

“Yup. Death usually is.”

“M’hmm. Man lives only in the present, in this fleeting instant; all the rest of his life is either past and gone, or not yet revealed.”

“Uh… that from somethin’?”

“Meditations, book three, by Marcus Aurelius.”

“Ah.”

“Is that all?”

“No, I actually uh… ‘course it’s probably a little early. Butch isn’t up yet, is he?”

“No, I’m afraid not. He likes to sleep in a bit.”

“Okay. Well, when he wakes up, would you mind asking if he’d be alright with taking Jericho’s place on the wall? You know, when muties or raiders attack. We’re down a man now.”

“Of course. I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”

“Okay, great.”

“He’s very good with a rifle, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know that. That’s a bonus, huh?”

“M’hmm.”

“Alright, well. Have a good mornin’. I’ll see you around.”

“See you.”

Butch listened to her quietly shut the door and closed his eyes again as guilt rolled over him. Dead. That asshole was actually dead ‘cause of him. Holy shit. A cool hand on his forehead had him jerking and his eyes popped back open.

Abby smiled at him, “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Uh…”

“I just wanted to check and see if you were feeling alright.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.” He stared at her and tried to figure out what was so different here. She didn’t sound quite right. Too calm and quiet, even for her.

“Your head doesn’t hurt?”

“N-no.” It was weird. This was weird. There was some kinda predatory gleam in her eyes that, with any other dame, he’d think she was about to proposition him, but this was  _ Abby. _ He had no idea how to react, but a big part of him was kinda scared.

“Oh, good.” Her hand moved and she finger combed the hair off his forehead. “Would you like coffee brought up or maybe some toast?”

“Uh…”

The soft concern in her eyes deepened and she nodded, “Oh, I see. You heard what Sheriff Sims said, didn’t you? About Jericho.”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m sorry. I’m real sorry, Abby. I didn’t mean to --”

Her hand gently covered his mouth. “Shh. Stop. That’s not your fault. Okay? He was a very sick man, and he knew that, and he chose to ignore his condition. I checked on him myself last night and it seemed like he was recovering just fine for his age. His body just couldn’t function properly anymore and there was nothing to be done for it. That’s all. It’s  _ not _ your fault. Do you understand?”

“M’hmm.”

“So everything’s alright.”

“Okay.” Except it wasn’t. She was practically cooing at him at this point but it still felt  _ off.  _ Why was he so afraid right now?

Abby tucked his blanket up higher under his chin and smiled, “Now that we’ve settled that, how about breakfast?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote is famously from Machiavelli. Song Butch sings to Abs is "Morose Code of Love" by the Capris. (3/5 Capris kinda look like him BTW. It's weird and completely unintentional on my part.)
> 
> Congratulations, Butch! You've successfully unlocked friendship level 2 with Abby!
> 
> Where she's a territorially terrifying creature who's going to guard your wellbeing with her life. LOL


	9. We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.

Abby sat in the shade provided by A ring in the Citadel courtyard, nursing a can of Aqua Pura. The sun was brutally hot today. Hot enough that she’d gotten dizzy participating in the mandatory drills Sarah always insisted she take part in whenever she showed up. Her braid was completely soaked through with sweat, as was the standard issue PFU she wore.

It seemed a little silly to use navy blue and black for workout clothes, but the Brotherhood was nothing if not consistent. They used those colors for everything, from cots to canteens to power armor. She scowled as she watched the advanced class of squires continuing to struggle in the heat. Driven, as ever, by having a Maxson among them. Top of his class, excelling even his tutors pie in the sky expectations. An Elder in the making.

She scoffed at the entire idea and drank the rest of her water down. Ridiculous. Putting so much pressure on a boy who’s voice hadn’t even changed yet. He might look brawny and impressive for a thirteen year old, but he still sounded like that little boy who couldn’t stop following her around the first time she’d visited.

They should just let him be. The whole lot of them.

A loud bark of laughter from across the way had her eyes flitting over to where Butch was engaged in what looked to be a very entertaining, boisterous story. Certainly the knights and scribes that had gathered to listen looked impressed and amused. The heat didn’t seem to bother him as much, but then Sarah hadn’t forced him into a uniform. Yet.

The white of his t-shirt practically glowed in the late afternoon sunshine. His hair gleaming blue-black like a raven’s wing and the sunglasses lent him a rockabilly sort of air that he pulled off very well, she thought. He looked to be in his element here. Making friends hand over fist. She hadn’t even had to introduce him once a few of the guys had ferried him off.

That was nice. She was happy he was getting along with everyone. Felt rather bad for ever doubting that he would.

A body sat on the bench next to her and she jumped a bit. Hadn’t even noticed Kodiak coming over. He gave her a smile and clinked his can against hers.

“Lane.”

“Paladin.”

He nodded with his chin and cracked open his water. “Your little friend seems popular.”

“Butch is popular wherever he goes.”

“Hmm.” He took a sip and nudged her with his elbow, “Popular with you, too?”

“We’re friends.”

“Oh. Friends. Okay. Sure.” Another sip.  _ “Friends.” _

He sounded like he didn’t believe her. Well, that was fine. Most people probably saw their friendship as extremely odd. Certainly she did.

“Did you need anything?”

“Sarah wants you to show a few of the squires some hand to hand combat. Apparently they’ve been too timid in practice against larger opponents for her liking.”

“That’s silly.”

“I know.”

“Do they not know the story of David and Goliath?”

Kodiak chuckled, “The Brotherhood doesn’t really do Sunday school.”

“Right.” Of course not. They only thing they worshiped around here was the Codex and anyone who’s last name happened to be Maxson. “Who am I sparring with?”

“New guy. Biggest recruit we’ve got. Krieg brought him in.”

“Hmm. Bigger than you?”

“Close.”

Abby huffed. Sparring with Paladin Kodiak, the Lyons Pride bruiser and jack-of-all-trades was troublesome enough. Sparring against a completely unknown opponent roughly the same size was going to be a challenge. “Really going for maximum impact here, aren’t you? I didn’t think you had a flair for the dramatic like that.”

“He was Sarah’s choice.”

“Ah.”

“He’s a good kid, though. Honest. He’ll give you a fair fight. You know some of our less… unprejudiced brothers and sisters wouldn’t.”

“I know. Once a wastelander, always a wastelander.” She sighed, “They’re going to have to get over that if you guys keep bringing in new blood.”

“Preaching to the choir, knight. They’ll adapt or perish like anyone else.” Can drained, he crumpled it and tossed it in a nearby trashcan. “Five minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. See you in the ring.”

“M’hmm.”

She watched him go and shook her head. And Sarah so often wondered why she wasn't around more to make herself useful. It seemed like every time she walked through the gate, she had some new nonsense to deal with. If it wasn’t helping Arthur master trigonometry or tending to the soldiers too unsettled by a robotic surgeon to visit Sawbones, it was something like this.

“Hey, who was that guy? Somebody important?”

Abby looked up and Butch was grinning down at her. “What, you haven’t met him yet?”

“Nah.”

“That was Paladin Kodiak of the Lyons Pride. He’s from Pittsburgh.”

“Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool.” He flopped down on the bench next to her, “So uh… what’d he want? You kinda looked a little miffed there.”

“Oh. I have to do an exhibition match for some squires. It’s not a big deal.” She squinted up at the sky. “It’s just hot today.”

“Yeah, it’s a scorcher.”

“I don’t suppose you could cut all my hair off in five minutes, could you?”

“Uh, no. Absolutely not. You think I’m really gonna let my best pal walk around with some half-assed haircut? Please.”

“That’s what I thought you’d say.” Abby stood and stretched. “Well. There’s no use in delaying the inevitable.”

“Can I watch the match?”

“Sure, I don't see why not.” She took off her shirt and scowled at it. “Navy blue. Ridiculous.”

Butch had never been so grateful for shades in his fucking life. Sure, she had on one of those weird half tank tops most girls out here wore under their clothes, but it was still the most of her he’d ever seen all at once. All that pretty, soft as silk skin with those damn freckles had him hypnotized. He’d never really been into freckles before, but freckles on Abby? Yeah. One hundred percent. Kinda made him want to play connect the dots with his mouth.

“The ring’s this way.”

“Yeah.”

She headed off and he blindly followed, too focused on the delicate curve of her waist and the way her hips swayed in those shorts. God bless the goddamn Brotherhood of Steel for making those shorty shorts. Looked hilarious on the men around this place, but on the girls, and especially her, they were choice.

A small gathering of children were milling around the practice ring and brightened when she appeared. Several waving and calling out to her.

Abby waved back before turning to him, “Just stay outside of the circle, alright? I’d hate for you to get hurt.”

“Psh, nah. I ain’t gonna…” A hulking shadow fell over her and Butch looked up.

Way, way,  _ way _ up.

“Holy shit.”

She turned back around and nodded, “Are you my partner?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He saluted her, “Initiate Danse.”

“Knight Lane.”

“I know who you are, ma’am.”

Her head tilted as she studied him. Tall, of course. Broad shouldered. Dark, striking eyes and if the stubble left from his induction shearing was any indication, dark brown hair as well. “You sort of look familiar.”

“I’m from Rivet City.”

“Oh, of course. That must be it.”

“Where do you want me?”

“Go ahead and get in position. I’ll be just a moment. The children require context for this exercise to be truly effective.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Butch watched him amble over to the other side of the ring and leaned down to whisper in Abby’s ear. “You ain’t really gonna fight that monster, are you?”

“Of course I am. Sarah asked me to.”

“I uh… I mean, did you see his hands? He could wrap one all the way around your neck.”

“What does that matter?” She handed him her shirt. “Can you keep an eye on that, please.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you.” She walked into the circle and clapped her hands. “Alright, children, let’s begin. Good morning, squires.”

They answered as one, “Good morning, Knight Lane!”

“Today we’ll be demonstrating how size, while helpful in battle, doesn’t have to be a determining factor in victory. Sit down, please.” She paused while they all got settled on the ground and allowed herself a small smile at the way Butch joined them. Back of the class, like always.

“Now, has anyone here ever heard the story of David and Goliath?” She waited but wasn’t surprised when no little hands shot up. Butch’s did though and she chuckled, “Aside from our guest, I mean. No? Alright. Let’s start there.”

“Once upon a time, very far away in the valley of Elah, there was a man named Saul. Saul was the first king of the Israelites and he was having a very hard time. Another group of people, the Philistines, wanted to take over his kingdom and so war broke out. The Philistines sent forth a champion to challenge the king. He was named Goliath.” She paused and waved a hand towards Danse. “Goliath was a giant. A true giant, so, even larger than our friend here. Probably at least as big as a super mutant, maybe even a behemoth.” A disquieted ripple of murmuring broke over the group and she nodded. “Yes, that’s right. Very scary. For forty days and forty nights, Goliath came to challenge King Saul. But Saul was afraid. He simply could not face this mountain of a man. To do so would surely mean his death.”

She finally stepped into the ring and stood in front of Danse so the children would have a constant reminder of the difference in their sizes. “However, all was not lost. A champion for the Israelites appeared. A man named David.” Abby raised her hand and waved. “David was not a giant. In fact, he was not a fighter at all. He was a humble shepherd and musician, but he had a warrior’s heart. David stepped forward and offered to fight on King Saul’s behalf.”

“Saul offered him his armor, but David refused.” She paused again, “Now, think on that. Why on earth would David refuse armor to go fight? Does anyone know?”

A boy still missing a front tooth raised his hand, “Was it power armor?”

“No, it wasn’t. This was long ago. Before power armor. Even before man had invented guns.”

Butch spoke up, “‘Cause he had faith.”

She nodded, “Yes, that’s what the bible tells us. David was a man of unparalleled faith in the Almighty. But can anyone tell me a _practical_ reason he’d refuse the armor?”

Danse spoke up quietly behind her, “It would hinder his ability to move.”

Abby snapped her fingers, “That’s exactly it! When you are smaller than your opponent, you always want to be faster than they are. Now why is that?”

A little girl’s hand went up, “Oh! Oh! It’s so you can defeat them quickly before they can squish you!”

“Very good! You want to be quick, crafty and careful. This is how we survive. This is how we do not get _squished.”_ She waited for them all to nod and continued the lesson. “So David refuses the armor. He takes only his staff and sling and five stones from a nearby brook.”

The girl frowned, “Not even a sword or anything?”

“Nope. Remember, David was a shepherd. He’d never fought with a sword before. All he knew were his staff and sling. When you engage someone in combat, having no weapon is better than having an unknown weapon that could slow you down or even get you killed.”

“David and Goliath face each other. Goliath with his armor and spear, David with his sling and staff. The Philistines yelled all sorts of mean things at David, but he remained calm and showed no fear. He stood as tall and proud as he could and said to the jeering crowd, ‘This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down; and I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that God saves not with sword and spear; for the battle is God's, and he will give you into our hand.’"

Another little boy whispered, “Wow.”

Abby nodded, “Yes, he did have a certain way with words. That was probably part of why he became a musician. Anyway! So the fight commences. David is agile and smart. Goliath is slow and… well, not smart. David hurls a stone from his sling and it smacks the giant right in the middle of his forehead, causing a concussion and immediate loss of consciousness. Goliath falls to the ground, and David quickly cuts his head off. The Philistines flee, the Israelites pursue, and peace reigns again in the valley. The end.”

The class clapped and she nodded, “Alright, so… as everyone can see, Initiate Danse is obviously larger than I am. No doubt stronger, too. The difference in him and Goliath is he’s clearly intelligent as well. So we’ll have to be careful of that, won’t we?” She looked back at him, “Did Kodiak give you the marker?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Danse passed her an old permanent marker.

“I hope you don’t mind getting a little ink on you, Initiate.”

“No, ma’am.”

“Alright.” She uncapped the marker, “Now then, all squires are issued knives, but I like our friend here and don’t want to hurt him, so we’re going to pretend that this marker is a knife.” She held it up, “See how it’s red? The marks are blood, okay?”

The class nodded and she nodded back.

“Okay. Now then, Danse, when you feel the marker touch you, I want you to immediately stop moving so I can explain everything to the class. Do you think you can manage that?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Alrighty. Now our most likely scenario is us being attacked, correct? So we’re on defense and he’s on offense. Now, normally, that would mean what?”

A girl raised her hand, “Gaining the high ground, radioing for backup and laying down suppressive fire until they arrive.”

“Very good. But we are small and weak next to him. If we do that, we’re probably getting squished. So what should we do instead?”

She tilted her head, “Try… offense?”

“Correct! The best defense is a good offense! Once you’re sure you’re under attack, your best bet is to engage. Your attacker will be  _ expecting _ you to flee, so surprise them instead! Do we all remember the best places to do the most amount of damage with the least amount of force?”

Answers rang out. “Nerve centers!” “The face!” “Solar plexus!” “Shins!”

Butch looked around at all the eager faces and wrinkled his nose, “Jesus.”

“All good answers! But just look at Danse. He’s got gobs of muscle to protect his nerves. His core is probably almost as strong as the walls of the Citadel. And, honestly --” She hopped up and down and just barely managed to tap his forehead with her hand on the fourth jump. “-- getting to his face is nearly impossible for us, isn’t it? So today I’m going to show you another way. Alright? Is everyone ready? Got our listening ears on and our watching eyes open? Yes? Wonderful. Then let’s begin.” Abby set her feet and nodded. “Come at me, Danse. Full force.”

He seemed a little hesitant but nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

He took a few steps from side to side, looking for a weakness in her stance, and finally lunged. Abby moved a split second before he collided with her and as he went down, she pivoted and pressed the marker against the back of his neck. “Hold.”

Danse froze and she moved back a little so the children could see. “Brain stem. A combat knife slid into the body right here, just under the base of the skull, will break the connection between brain and nervous system. Your assailant, if they survive, will be permanently immobilized and the effects are instantaneous. Be sure to throw as much force behind it as you can so your blade goes deep enough to fully sever the nerves. Everyone understand?” They nodded and she nodded back. “Alright. Danse. Once again, please.”

The initiate got back up on his feet and returned to his side of the ring. She could see him thinking hard and smiled. Kodiak was right. This one was almost too fair-minded.

“Danse, please feel free to adapt your attacks as you see fit.”

“Oh. Yes, ma’am.”

“Alright. Again.”

This time he feinted just as she had earlier, just before the moment of contact. Abby immediately went dead weight and dropped to her knees, throwing off his angle and preventing him from grabbing her around the middle. He still managed to grab a hold of her braid, but not before her marker had struck his thigh.

“Hold.”

He once again dutifully froze, breathing a little harder this time.

“You’re doing very well, Danse.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

She nodded in acknowledgement and then turned so the class could observe properly, “Now then, this time is a little messier. Right here is the external iliac artery. It runs along through here.” She moved his shorts out of the way and lightly drew the marker up his thigh until he coughed awkwardly and she peered up at him. “Are you alright, Initiate?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Not sick, are you?”

“No, ma’am.”

Butch huffed irritably, “Jeez. Get on with it already before you give the guy a heart attack.”

Abby scowled at him, but continued. “As I was saying, the iliac is nearly impossible to stim in time once its been cut. It’s a bit deep, but easily reached with your knives. Fourteen seconds before blood loss becomes critical and shortly after that, your assailant will once again be rendered unconscious.” She made a face, “There will be a  _ lot  _ of blood spray. More than you would think a human being could possibly make. As I said before, it’s messy, but if you’re ever in this particular position, I can promise you that you won’t really care about the mess in the moment. Survival at all costs, children.”

Danse shuffled back and her hand fell away from his leg, “Again, ma’am?”

“Yes, please.” She stood and brushed the dirt off her knees. “Now then, this time, I’m going to let out friend actually knock me down. If this happens to you in the field,  _ it is imperative _ that you keep a tight grip on your knife! I cannot stress that enough. Once someone gets you on your back, if you are unarmed, you may very well be doomed. Especially if they’ve got a high pain tolerance, which many raiders and mutants have. Also, if they hit you hard enough, you will experience forcible deflation of your lungs and diaphragm. In layman’s terms, you will have the wind knocked out of you. Your instinct will be to focus on trying to breathe, but you must ignore that instinct. Your brain can go a lot longer without oxygen than you think it can. Panic will lie to you and cause you to lose focus. Don’t listen to it. You can have plenty of time for silly things like breathing once you get away.”

Butch grit his teeth but somehow managed to keep his mouth shut for the duration of the lesson. If Danse hadn’t looked like such a harmless teddy bear, and been so obviously terrified of her, he’d have been spoilin’ for a fight after. An hour of sparing and Abby had a whole new set of bumps and bruises, but it was nothing compared to what the initiate had.

Guy looked like a two-year old’s art project by the time she was done.

He skulked behind her into the outer rings, through the chow line where she inhaled some kind of meat on a stick and nearly followed her straight into the showers. She kept babbling on like there was absolutely no difference whatsoever in her wearing a few clothes and being completely naked and he almost hadn’t even noticed where they were until she started undoing her braid. He’d hightailed it back outside and parked himself on the first available bench. Half listening as she kept expounding upon all the ways her education as a doctor had helped her get out of scrapes. How she was trying to convince Sarah to give the same education in anatomy to the kids here. How it was nice to be useful even if she wasn’t really Brotherhood material.

He was still just _irritated_ was the thing. Wanted somebody to lash out at. But he was still trying to not be that big idiot, so he didn’t. Just sat with his arms folded, tapping his foot until she emerged, dressed in a clean set of workout clothes, scrubbed pink and smelling like a goddamn garden again.

His eyes involuntarily flicked down to her chest. No bra this time. Hallelujah.

“Hey, Butch?”

“Yeah?”

She held up a pair of scissors. “Can you cut my hair now?”

He blinked at her in shock, “What?”

“My hair? I just washed it and everything. Got all the tangles out… or most of the tangles out.” She shrugged, “After Danse kept catching me, I realized you were right. It definitely needs a cut.”

“Uh…”

“If you don’t want to, I’m sure someone has some clippers somewhere and --”

“No!” He jumped up and snatched the scissors out of her hand. “No, I’ll do it. I got my kit in my pack.”

“Oh, okay. Great. There’s a little room off the uniform shop in the PX that they use for haircuts. It’s late, so I’m sure no one will mind us borrowing it.”

“Alright.” He followed along and tossed the scissors at the first trashcan they came to. Things were dull as shit and rusty to boot. He’d do better gnawing her hair off than using them.

The room she led him to must have once been some kind of storage closet for how small it was. Barely enough room for a stool, sink and table. She fit in easy enough but he felt like some kinda hulking monster in such a tight space. Especially with her staring up at him like she was. He stared back and eventually that little line showed up between her eyebrows again.

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”

“Should I sit?”

“Oh. Oh, right. Yeah. Hang on.” He adjusted the height of the barber stool as high as it would go and locked the wheels. “There. Hop on board.”

“Thanks.” She had to climb up onto it and sat with a huff, kicking her feet. “My feet don’t touch the floor.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, well, if you’d done this when I still had my shop, you coulda relaxed and sat back in style. But oh, no, not you.”

Abby watched him carefully lay out his tools and pouted. “I was still a little worried you’d prank me.”

“And now you ain’t?”

A corner of her mouth quirked up, “Now I ain’t.”

“Huh. So what changed?”

“You did.”

“Oh.” He picked up a wide tooth comb and stepped into place behind her. “I dunno about that. I thought I had, and I hoped it, but… I dunno.”

She watched him in the mirror and frowned, “Why don’t you think you’ve changed?”

“Hmm.” Combed all the tangles out his ass. He was amazed she even had any hair to speak of for how wild she’d let it get. “Well… yesterday kinda… got away from me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He started at the bottom and worked his way up, finger combing the worst of it and carefully coaxing the knots out.

“None of that was your fault.”

“Nah, it was. I coulda just tossed him out on his ass, but I didn’t. I… I wanted to hurt him, y’know? So I did.” Butch shook his head and sighed, “I’m just… disappointed in myself.”

“Well, I’m proud of you.”

His eyes met hers in the mirror and he frowned. That look from this morning was back. Predatory and fierce. Some new kind of anger he’d never managed to provoke in her in his long career as a bully. It didn’t look right on her face. It wasn’t her.

“You shouldn’t be.”

“You stood up for Nova. She told me what happened. Gob said he tried to fight dirty and pulled a knife on you. I don’t see how you had any other choice.”

He shook his head, “You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?”

Tangles defeated, he tied her hair back and braided the bottom for easier clean up. “I killed a man, Abby. Killed him as sure as if I’d snapped his stupid neck. And for what? Cause he ran his mouth and pinched some chick’s ass. That’s --”

“He’s done plenty more than that. He had it coming.”

The ice in her eyes was so cold it burned. Butch had to look away, couldn’t stand to see her look like that. Innocent little Abby Lane, one time holier-than-thou angel of mercy turned bloodthirsty advocate for cold-blooded murder. Even the idea of it seemed blasphemous.

He borrowed the nearby cape hanging on a peg and draped it around her shoulders. “Don’t say that.”

“He  _ did. _ You don’t know the kind of man he was.”

“Sure I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Of course I do. Gob told me all about him. I don’t go into a fight blind if I can help it. I’m not  _ that _ dumb.” He raised his shears, “Okay. Last chance to back out.”

The ice thawed just enough for her to sniff at him, “I’m not backing out. I said I wanted it cut, so cut it already.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Four solid snips and the braid dropped to the floor as the rest of her hair fell around her shoulders. “Now we can get started.”

She shook her head from side to side, “Oh! It’s already so much lighter!”

“Yeah, just wait ‘til we’re done.”

“I can’t remember the last time I was this excited for a haircut.”

Butch chuckled and combed out her hair, “Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm.”

“Well, good. I’m glad to hear you’ve finally come around.” He eyeballed the drying strands already trying to twist back into their natural shape. 3B hair. He could feel it in his bones. She’d always worn it long, but he could still remember how it looked back when they were tiny tots. The halo of ringlets that had bounced with every step she took. How he’d been obsessed with the way the light had played on it. Illuminating the outer edges to almost gold while the shadows turned it a soft red. Layers. Hair like hers needed ‘em. “You’re lucky, y’know. Your kind of hair tends to get dry and damaged easy, but this stuff up here actually looks healthy.”

“Oh, that’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah, it’s good! It means you won’t look so much like some ragamuffin once I’m finished.”

“Thanks.” She watched him work for a few moments and sighed, “I really should have done this ages ago.”

“Yes, you shoulda.”

“I just felt like I couldn’t.”

“Why not? Didn’t you say somethin’ about some ghoul who knew how to cut hair?”

“Snowflake.”

“Yeah.”

“He hasn’t even had hair in about two hundred years.”

“So? If I shaved my head tomorrow, which I would never, but if I did, I’d still be able to cut other people’s hair.”

“Well, it wasn’t just that.”

“Hmm.” Doc Lane had always loved his daughter’s hair. Butch had noticed the guy tended to run his hand over it whenever she was nearby, like it was a good luck charm. He’d often wished he had that privilege himself. Her keeping it long as some kind of memorial for her pops would make sense. “Just for sentimental reasons then?”

“No, I just didn’t want to give Jericho the satisfaction.”

He paused in his careful trimming and glanced at her face. The ice from before was back. “Explain.”

“It was on my second day out. First day was… hard. Scary. I found Megaton and Sheriff Sims directed me to Moira. She offered me a job but I was so sure I’d find Daddy in no time, so I turned her down. Traded some stimpaks for caps and food. Stayed the night in the bunkhouse until Manya came and got me. She said it was no place for a little girl all alone in the world. So she brought me to her and Nathan’s house and I slept on the couch.”

“That was nice of ‘em.”

“Yes, it was. They’re nice people.” She sighed, “But of course, not everyone was so nice. My second day, I met Moriarty. He said he knew Daddy. More than that, he said he’d known me, too, when I was just a baby. Called me a persistent little flower. He said he knew some information that might help me, but it came with a price. The amount he wanted was… well, at the time, it seemed unattainable. He may as well have asked for a million caps. He said I could do some work for him and maybe he’d lower the price. Gob and Nova both kept shaking their heads at me, but I said okay. He wanted me to go kill a woman that had stolen from him. Silver. I’d never killed anybody before, but I said okay and headed out.”

Butch hummed but otherwise said nothing. He’d already heard this story from Gob’s point of view, but she didn’t need to know that. Sometimes a person sitting in his chair in the vault had turned it into a confessional of sorts. It usually happened when they had something to get out that they couldn’t share with anybody else. So he kept his mouth shut and let her talk.

“It turned out that Silver hadn’t really stolen anything. She’d just taken what was hers by right. Moriarty had tried to enslave her like he had Nova and Gob, but she was clever. She picked the lock on his safe, took her caps, and left. I told her I’d tell him she was already gone and came back to the saloon. Moriarty just shrugged, but he said the price had gone up on that information I needed. Laughed as he said it. Laughed harder when I started crying.”

“Bastard.”

“Yeah… anyway, Nova came and talked to me after he left. She said he kept a journal of sorts on his computer but it was password protected. Gob gave me a discount on a Nuka and said I could stay as long as I liked. I didn’t know what else to do so I just hung around. Eventually this weird man approached me and asked if I’d help him blow up the town. At first I thought he was joking or crazy or something, but he wasn’t. So I told him no and walked away. That’s when I met Jericho.”

“He seemed… nice. Concerned. Told me he’d heard Moriarty being a jerk and apologized for him. He said he’d help me if he could, so I told him what had happened. That I’d been chased out of the vault and was looking for Daddy. He said he’d seen him and that he had dropped a holo on his way out of town. Told me if I came with him, he could get it for me.”

“Oh, angel. You didn’t really fall for that, did you?” It was such an obvious setup a four year old could’ve seen what was coming.

“Of course I did. I was naïve back then. Naïve and stupid. I told you, in Rivet City, that I don’t expect things like decency or manners from anyone anymore.”

“Hey, expectin’ people to treat you nice doesn’t make you stupid.”

“Sure it does.”

He muttered angrily, “I ain’t arguin’ this with you.”

“Fine, then don’t.”

“Fine.”

_ “Fine.” _ She glared at him in the mirror until his eyes, upset and frustrated, met hers and then decided to glare at her feet instead. For some reason, having him be irritated with her was making her oddly upset. She should be used to having him look at her that way after all these years, and she was. She just much preferred the way he looked at her lately was all.

A few minutes went by before he spoke, “So what happened?”

Abby huffed to herself. This was stupid. She shouldn’t have decided to tell him this story. She  _ hated _ this story. It just upset her that he was so upset over a man like Jericho dying and she’d wanted to make him see the kind of monster he’d really been.

“I don’t know if I should say.”

“Oh. That bad, huh?”

She shrugged, “He didn’t really…  _ do _ anything. He had me cornered. Started to touch me, but I got away. Sorta. He grabbed me by my hair and was dragging me towards his house when I had one of my fits and collapsed. I guess it freaked him out because he took off. I couldn’t calm myself down. Couldn’t even call for help. Billy found me and carried me down to the clinic. Church dosed me with a bunch of Med-X and it finally stopped.”

“I avoided him after that for a few months. Got my house. Met Sarah and the Pride. Met Charon. Found Dogmeat. I was in town one day and I overheard one of the younger girls talking about how creepy he was. How he’d tried propositioning Jenny and Lucy in the same fashion. Not taking no for an answer. I got so mad. I don’t know why I thought he’d only ever go after me. It never even occurred to me that he’d attack others. I knew how to fight by that point. Charon had taught me a lot of knifework. Sarah helped with my shooting and things. I was stronger. Braver. So I confronted him. He was scared of me at that point. I could see it in his eyes. He only ever picked on those he thought were weak. All raiders are cowards and bullies deep down. I told him I could forgive and forget what had happened between us so long as he didn’t ever do it again. That if I ever heard about him trying to do anything to a girl against her will, I’d come after him. I told him I’d touch him in a very special place with my knife and neuter him like the dog he was.”

Butch grinned, “Atta girl. That sounds like somethin’ you’d say.”

“Thanks, I guess?” She laughed, “You know, if you hadn’t picked on me all those years, I don’t know that I would have been able to fight back and get away from him.”

He wrinkled his nose, “I don’t think I could accept gratitude for bein’ an asshole to you our whole lives.”

Abby watched him in the mirror from under her lashes. He was silently muttering to himself again. Now that she knew how hard he was working to be a better man, she was pretty sure that whenever he did that, he was berating himself over something. He’d stopped being a bully to others, but he was still bullying himself. She hated that.

“I killed him.”

He immediately stopped whatever tirade he was delivering in his mind and met her eyes in the glass. “What?”

“I killed Jericho.” When he just looked more confused she continued. “After you came home, I went and talked to Gob and Nova. Then I went down to the clinic.”

“Abby…”

“I used a chemical cocktail I learned in the vault for blocking pain and overdosed him with it. It’s usually meant to temporarily halt the nervous system sending pain signals to the brain. It’s very useful for things like surgeries and birthing. Completely harmless in the right dosage. I gave him ten times the amount necessary to anesthetize someone his size. It severed his brain’s ability to regulate the central nervous system and --”

“In English.”

“His brain stopped telling his heart to beat. He went into cardiac arrest and I sat next to his bed and watched him die. Then I stayed for another ten minutes just to be sure it took.” Now he was looking at her like she was crazy. “And I don’t regret it. If I had to do it again, I would with no hesitation. I killed him and last night was the best night of sleep I’ve ever had in Megaton and now I finally get to have my hair cut.” Tears came, hot and angry, and she scrubbed them away with the back of her hand. “So you don’t need to carry that guilt, Butch. It’s not yours and it never was.”

She went back to staring at her feet. Anything was better than facing that awful, shocked look he was giving her. Her talent for killing without regret or shame wasn’t a skill she was particularly proud of, nor was the cruel satisfaction she often gained by using that talent to cull vermin from the population. Planting that grenade in Moriarty’s pocket, slitting Eulogy Jones’ throat a month after saving the Lamplighters, dissolving the murderous Junders Plunkett into a puddle of radioactive goo with her plasma pistol. None of those acts of premeditated violence had bothered her in the slightest. Just as all the Enclave soldiers and raiders and slavers she’d encountered in battle and subsequently slaughtered didn’t weigh on her at all. The memory of her father’s face, beaming proudly at her during the brief time they were reunited, shielded her from all that. He’d approved of her helping bring justice and peace to the wasteland. Congratulated her for each act of mercy and all the innocents she’d saved along the way. He’d understood that sometimes the kindest thing you can do is kill. He’d understood everything.

She startled when Butch’s arms were suddenly around her shoulders, hugging her tightly from behind. Her eyes darted to the mirror but his face was buried against her neck. She had no idea what was going on with him right now.

“Butch?”

He shook his head and whispered low and hoarse. “I’m always gonna carry the guilt, Abby. Always. Cause you shouldn’t have been out here all alone in the first place. I knew it was wrong. I watched you run outta the vault and I knew I should’ve followed, but I didn’t. I was a coward. You needed me and I was a goddamned coward. You’ve been fightin’ and scrappin’ out here for two years and I wasn’t there. I shoulda been there. You needed me and  _ I wasn’t there.” _

He sounded more upset now than she’d ever heard him. That hadn’t been her intention here at all. She was so bad at these things. Always had been. Abby patted his hand awkwardly and didn’t pull away when he caught hers and held on. She felt terrible. Her mind raced along, trying to think of something,  _ anything, _ that would make him feel better and she seized upon the first thing it came to.

“I never expected you to leave the vault for me. I… I don’t know why you would think you were supposed to or that I even wanted that.”

“I know! I know you didn’t, and that’s my fault, too.”

Well now she was just completely lost here. It felt like he was just inventing reasons to be upset at this point. She scowled at their reflection and the ridiculous picture they made. It looked like Goldilocks was about to be devoured by Papa Bear or something.

“Is this a normal part of your haircuts or am I getting some kind of special treatment?”

His head came up a little and he peeked at her with watery eyes, “Huh?”

“Because if this is some special you’re running, I want no part of it.” She sniffed at him and put her nose in the air.

He stared at her for a few seconds before chuckling. The arms around her loosened and then fell away. She pretended to not notice the quiet sniffling he did as he stepped back, or the way he rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry about that. I guess not everybody likes the saltwater rinse.”

“I’m not paying extra for a service I didn’t ask for, so don’t even try charging me.”

“You ain’t payin’ for it at all, so maybe you should just shut up and let me finish your damn haircut.”

_ “I _ should shut up?  _ You’re _ the one who can’t ever stop talking!”

“Well somebody’s gotta! It’s like a damn chapel in your house most days the way you tiptoe around. Still livin’ like a church mouse. It’s ridiculous.”

_ “You’re _ ridiculous! You shouldn’t speak unless you can improve upon the silence!”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means that being quiet is preferable to being a chatterbox!”   


“Oh, I’m a chatterbox now?!”

“Yes, you are. Of  _ course _ you are! You always have been.”

“Maybe everybody just seems like a chatterbox to somebody who barely manages to string together three words a day.”

“A single diamond will always be worth more than a pound of pebbles. It’s quality over quantity. That’s what counts.”

“Sure, sure. Keep tellin’ yourself that, nosebleed.” He set the scissors down and frowned as he looked around, “Aw, shit. There’s no hairdryer.”

“Why on earth would the Brotherhood have a hairdryer?”

He made a face at her, “I dunno. Why would they have a little shrimp like you as a knight?”

“I am not a shrimp. If I were to be any crustacean, I’d be a remipede, thank you very much.”

“The fuck is that?”

“It’s a… oh, never mind. Am I finished?”

“Well… I mean, yeah, technically.”

“Wonderful.” She struggled with the snaps on the cape for a moment and then finally whipped it off herself. “I’m free!”

“It’s gotta dry first though so I can see if it needs to be tweaked.”

“So it’ll dry while I sleep.”

“Nuh-uh! No way, Jose! You gotta stay up or it’ll flatten one whole side and then I’ll never know if I got it right or not.” He carefully wiped down his tools and started packing them away.

Abby rolled her eyes and hopped down from the stool. “Fine. So what do you want to do for an hour?”

A slow grin came over his face and he winked at her, “Well…”

She frowned, “Oh, now don’t start. We’ve been doing so well. And I thought you got that all out of your system last night.”

“Wait, what? What happened now? We do somethin’ last night I don’t remember?”

“No,  _ you _ did something.” She folded her arms and glared at him while he quickly swept the floor. “You told Gob and Nova we were going to get married.”

“What?!” He froze and an honest to God blush came up his neck and flooded into his cheeks. Abby’d never seen such a thing happen in all her life and stared at him in astonishment.

“Butch… you’re  _ blushing!” _

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!” She reached up and palmed his cheek. “Your face is so warm right now!”

“Hey, lay off, will ya? Jeez.” He jerked his head away and finished tidying up.

“But it  _ is.” _

“Well, excuse the hell outta me for being embarrassed, alright? It’s not like I particularly enjoy makin’ an ass outta myself all over town.”

“Oh, piffle. Like you’re the first person in history to get drunk at a bar and say silly things.” She waved her hand, “Anyway, I cleared everything up. I told them that’s just how you get when you’ve had too much to drink and to count their lucky stars that you hadn’t tried to marry one of them. Then Nova said if you ever wanted to proposition her, she’d enjoy it, so feel free next time you see her.”

“Nova? You’re tryin’ to set me up on a date here?”

She shrugged, “Why not? I thought you had a preference for redheads. You were with Susie for… ever, really. Forever.” Abby frowned thoughtfully, “Hey, what happened there, anyway? You never said. I saw you guys together when I came back. You seemed… amorous at the time. Did you have a fight or something?” She snapped her fingers, “Ah ha! That’s it, isn’t it? That’s the real reason you left the vault.”

“What? No, it ain’t.”

She tsked at him, “Really, now, Butch. Throwing away a decade long relationship over what I am sure was some little inconsequential squabble. You two were always so  _ dramatic _ about everything.”

He followed her out of the tiny room and was glad for the space. Made it easier to resist the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake some kinda sense into her. “Susie had nothin’ to do with me leaving.”

“Okay, sure.”

“We broke up for good right after you left.”

“M’hmm.”

“Had a big fight.  _ Huge. _ She was throwin’ shit and screamin’ things. Wally had to come drag her off. Then the asshole threatened to arrest me until I told him dumpin’ his sister wasn’t a capitol offense. But I didn’t leave until two months after all that mess, so there.”

“Oh.” She pouted sympathetically at him, “Well… I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s alright. You didn’t know.”

Abby wrinkled her nose, “I don’t like the Macks very much. Mrs. Mack is… alright, but everyone else…”

“Yeah, I’m right there with you.”

She gave him a sideways glance, “Did Wally tell you I hit him? When I was back, I mean.”

Butch couldn’t help but grin at that devious little smirk on her face. “No, he didn’t.”

“Well, I did.”

“I’m sure he had it comin’.”

“Yes, he did.” She huffed, “He said his dad was a hero and I wouldn’t know anything about having a hero for a dad.”

He sucked air in through his teeth, “Yikes. I’m surprised you didn’t shoot him outright for that.”

“I almost did, but he looked so pitiful when I raised my pistol I just couldn’t. So I smacked him on the nose with it instead.”

“Holy shit, you pistol whipped Wally Mack?!”

“Is that what it’s called?”

“Yeah!”   


“Then yes.”

“Ah, that is so great!” He laughed until he had tears in his eyes and only noticed her staring after he wiped them away. “What? I got somethin’ on my face?”

She quickly averted her gaze and shook her head. “No. No, your face is… fine. It’s the same as it always is.”

“Hmm.” Was it his imagination or was she a little pink in the cheeks there?

A young squire came around the corner and waved wildly upon seeing them. “Oh! Knight Lane! I found you!”

“Hello, Caden. Is something wrong?”

“Oh! No, nothing’s wrong, ma’am. Elder Lyons sent me. He said I should show you to your room.”

“My room?” She frowned, “Is there something wrong with the barracks?”

The boy shrugged, “I dunno, he just said you should get a room this time.”

“That’s odd. Knights aren't allowed their own rooms.” Then again, Elders with dementia shouldn’t really be allowed to be elders anymore but here they were. “Alright. Lead the way, sweetie.”

“‘Kay! Uh… ma’am.” He belatedly saluted them and trotted off.

“I thought you said we’d be bunkin’ with everybody tonight?”   


“I usually do.” She lowered her voice, “Elder Lyons is having some mental acuity issues lately. Sometimes he gets confused. Maybe he forgot I’m just a knight.”

“Hmm. Is that why Sarah’s basically running the show now?”

“M’hmm. Traditionally, you’re an elder until you pass away or someone formally challenges you for the position, so…”

“Oh, that’s gotta suck though. That’s a hard place for her to be in.”

“I know. I wish you’d met him even a year ago. He still has his moments, of course, but he was just so sharp and wise and --”

“We’re here! Sentinel Lyons already made sure your stuff got sent over.” The squire chirped and threw a door open before waving and jogging away to wherever his own bunk was. “Good night, Knight Lane!”

“Good night, Caden!” She waved back and stepped inside. “Well, it’s a shame. I know you were looking forward to getting rowdy with the boys.”

“Ech, it’s alright. They’re little tin soldiers, how rowdy can they…” He flipped on the light and paused. “Get?”

Abby blinked at the small room, “What… it’s a single.”

“Yeah, I noticed that.” Desk, chair, locker, and  _ one _ bed.

She sighed, “You didn’t tell anyone here we were getting married, did you? Because they take that stuff  _ super _ seriously.”

“No! No, I swear I didn’t! I… shit, I don’t even remember sayin’ it last night.” He chewed the inside of his cheek, “I didn’t uh… I mean, I didn’t, y’know, make you uncomfortable or anything after I got home, did I?”

“Oh, no. No, of course not.”

“Oh, good.”

“You just sang to me and tried to get me to dance.”

“Jesus fuckin’... that is so embarrassing.”

“Hugged me really hard.”

“Oh, God.”

“Yelled a bit when I said good night.”

“Fuckin’... goddammit.” He put his hands on his hips and stared hard at his boots. “I’m an idiot.”

“Only sometimes.”

“Thanks.”

“Hmm.” She checked her PipBoy and sighed, “It’s really too late to do anything about this now. You can have the bed. I’ll take the floor.”

“The fuck you will!”

“Butch, you’re technically my guest here, so --”

“And you’re technically a lady, so nah! You ain’t sleepin’ on the floor.”

She grumbled, “Only technically… I’ve slept in worse places, you know. At least this floor is clean and isn’t covered in feral juice or something.”

“Ugh, gross. Don’t even get me started on how nasty them things are.”

“I’ll take the pillow, but you’re getting the bed.”

“No. No, no, no, it ain’t happenin’.”

“I couldn’t sleep knowing my guest was on a cold concrete floor!”

“Like I could sleep knowin’ you were down there?! Please!”   


They scowled at each other and Abby finally shrugged, “Flip a cap for it?”

“No!”

“God, why are you so stubborn?!”

“If you try to sleep on that goddamn floor, I’m gonna sleep there, too. Alright? There. So somebody might as well use the bed and it might as well be you.”

“You are being ridiculous.”

“You’re being ridiculous!”

She couldn’t really remember him being quite this stubborn back in the vault. Usually he’d give up after a few minutes. Just too lazy to really dig in and fight. That must have been something that changed in him, too.

“Fine. We’ll share it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Please don't murder me. The chapter was already so long! 😭)
> 
> Title is a quote from Fulton Oursler.
> 
> Also PFU stands for "Physical Fitness Uniform". 👍


	10. Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Childhood abuse/trauma mention.

Butch's eyes widened in shock. There was no fucking way he’d actually heard what he thought he just heard. He must be hallucinating or something. “Share it?!”

“Yes. I don’t want you sleeping on the floor. You don’t want me sleeping on the floor. Neither of us is willing to budge on those points, so this is the only solution I can see.”

Jesus. She sounded so  _ reasonable  _ about it. “Y-you wanna sleep… in a bed… with me?”

“It's more that I don’t want you to sleep on the floor.”

“I uh…” He took a few steps back until his back bumped a wall. Why the fuck were all the rooms in this place so teeny for anyway? Thing was a goddamn fortress. You’d think all the rooms would be fuckin’ huge to match. “I dunno if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” She shrugged and set her pack on the bed to rummage through it.

All Butch could do was stare at her ass. That perfectly round, bouncy, firm ass that he’d spent most of his life coveting. “I just… uh… you uh, you’ve never shared a bed before, right? Like, with an adult, I mean?”

“Hmm. Well, sometimes Charon would sit next to me for warmth during the winter. Ghouls are always warm, you know. And they don’t really need sleep, although some enjoy it, but he does not. So he always --”

“So no then?”

“Well, no, strictly speaking. I guess not.”

“Okay, well… I have, and I’m tellin’ you this ain’t a good idea.”

“And I heard you, but you still haven’t said why not.” She finally pulled out her large men’s t-shirt she used as a nightgown most nights. “Could you close your eyes? I’m going to change into this since we’re in here. I don’t know what kind of material the Brotherhood is using for their clothing, but it's kind of itchy.”

“Uh, yeah.” He did her one better and turned around to face the wall. “Okay, well… I’m sure your pops must’ve explained at some point how uh… how girls and boys are different…”

Abby laughed, “I’m a doctor, silly. I know how boys and girls are different.”

“Okay, well, see, now sometimes when two people share a bed… uh…”

“Sex happens. Yes, I know.”

“Y-yeah, well --”

“It’s alright. It’s not like I’m expecting… oh! Oh, no! Did you think I was expecting you to have sex with me?”

“What?!” He whipped around just in time to see her shorts come down and about had a heart attack. He returned to staring at the wall and braced himself on an arm, trying to will the image out of his head and the blood back into his brain.

Where the heck had she found panties with little hearts on them out here anyway?

“I’m just saying, I don’t expect that from you… or anybody else, really. We’re friends, right? It’s no big deal. I can’t really see how this is any different than a slumber party in Lamplight. You can turn around now.”

He cautiously peeked over his shoulder. Her shirt covered her down to the tops of her knees, thankfully. The thin white material wasn’t exactly modest under the fluorescent light above them, but he could work with it. Maybe. Hopefully.

She smiled, “Thank you for being a gentleman.”

“Y-yeah.”   


“Do you want me to cover my eyes so you can get into some shorts or something?”

“Uh.”

“You should at least take your boots off.”

“Right.” He sat in the chair and wrestled with the knots on his combat boots. His fingers didn’t seem connected to his brain at the moment, but that was probably a good thing. Gave him time to think up a way to not have to sleep next to her.

“We could play cards or something.” Abby grabbed her cards from her bag, looked around and sighed, “Only one chair, too. Of course. Well, we’ll just make do I suppose.” She sat on the bed and scooted back so there’d be plenty of room for him and their pile of cards. “What about gin? I only have one deck on me, but I’m not very good at poker or anything.”

“Sure. Sure, gin’s good.”

“Okay.” She shuffled her deck a few times. “Do you play any special way or anything?”

“What? I’m sorry, what?” Did she just not realize sitting the way she was gave him a perfect view of her panties, or did she just not care? Oh, God, or worse, did she assume  _ he _ didn’t care. He hadn’t even meant to look but she was shuffling those damn cards right in her lap and --

“I said do you play any certain way? Like dirty or straight or whatever.”

“Oh. Whatever you want’s fine.”

“Okay. Dirty it is.”

“Great.”

Yeah, just great. Great, great, great. He’d felt like he’d had a shot at avoiding this nightmare scenario earlier when they were all but yelling at each other. But dealing with Abby being so damn calm and acting like this was obviously the most sensible solution had him floundering. He still hadn’t really mastered the art of _polite_ arguing yet.

Abby watched Butch struggle with his boot laces with growing amusement. It was like he’d forgotten how to untie them altogether. Oh! Maybe this was one of his silly bits he liked to do. Something ridiculous and absurd for the audience’s amusement. He’d always been a class clown back in school.

She laughed and actually snorted at the petrified expression on his face when his head jerked up. “Is your boot attacking you? Is it a mutant boot?”

“What?”

“That’s the joke, right? Mutant boot that won’t let your foot go? It’s funny.”

“Oh, right. Yeah.”

“You’re always so funny.”

“Thanks.”

“M’hmm.” Another snort left her when he continued to fight the murderous footwear, “Do you need some help?”

“Nah. Nah, I can manage.” He finally kicked them off and gave her a lopsided grin, “There. I got ‘em.”

“It was an epic battle. I’m amazed your socks survived.”

“Yeah, they’re tough. Tough socks.”

The very idea of it had her giggling again. “Tough socks… that’s so silly. I don’t know where you come up with this stuff.”

“Neither do I.” He stood and started dragging his chair over.

“Oh, you don’t want to sit on the bed?”

“Nah, chair’s fine.”

“It doesn’t look very comfortable.”

“It’s totally comfortable.”

She frowned at the split wood and rusted steel still somehow holding it together. “I’m worried it might break and then you could get hurt. No one gave you a tetanus booster after I left, did they?”

“Uh… no.”

Abby sighed, “Of course not. Then you’re overdue. You were scheduled to get one when you hit twenty-one.”

“Oh. Uh… it’ll be fine. I’ll be alright.”

“Not if you get tetanus.”

“If I’m gettin’ it out here, I highly doubt it’s gonna be from a chair.”

“Well, I’m  _ not _ treating you if you get it. You can march yourself straight down to Church and deal with him if you aren’t going to listen to me now.”

“I can live with that.” He sat gingerly in the chair and tried to not wince as it creaked under him. “See? It’s fine.”

“Uh-huh.”

She dealt their hands and huffed to herself. He acted like he still believed she had cooties or something. Was that why he put up such a fuss at sharing a bunk? Because he still thought she was gross somehow? That was… disappointing. Not because she _cared_ what he thought of her or anything. Just that she’d assumed he’d finally stopped thinking of her as some annoying pest. Maybe she’d jumped the gun here.

Maybe they weren’t actually friends.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Her head came up and she was a little surprised to find he was blurry. Staring hard at her with those bright eyes of his. For some reason it just made the tears gathering in her eyes worse. She ducked her head back down and shrugged, “Nothing.”

“You look upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Oookay.” He watched her move her cards around. “Already got a run, huh?”

“No, I just like them in a certain order!”

“Alright. That’s cool. I was just askin’.”

Dammit. Now she was snapping at him for no reason. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be short.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I just uh… you’d tell me if I did something wrong, right?”

“Of course I would.”

“Okay.”

“You haven’t done anything.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“M’hmm.”

Awkward silence descended upon them and she felt the weight of it like someone had set a barbell across her shoulders. This was all her fault, but what was she supposed to say? ‘Gee, Butch, I’m sorry I got my feelings hurt. I just thought we were friends. I didn’t realize you still found the very concept of me so repugnant.’

_ Was _ this her fault though, really? He was always so damn confusing. One minute he was hugging her and everything and the next it was like if he so much as bumped into her he’d die from spontaneous sepsis. He’d told her he’d never hated her and had always wanted to be her friend, sure, but he certainly wasn’t acting like it.

Maybe she’d gone too far warning him off being affectionate and he’d mistaken it for her wanting him to not be friendly at all. Could that be it? Or could he maybe just need some space after his odd little… well, frankly, she didn’t know what to call it. Whatever that moment while he’d been cutting her hair had been. She frowned to herself and tried to find the right word. Outburst wasn’t right. Neither was breakdown. Something softer than that. It would probably come to her a week from now when it no longer mattered.

Regardless of what it had been, she should still do something about right now. Somehow. Maybe she could get him talking about something else and then this could all just be forgotten.

“So --”

“So --”

They spoke over each other and she nodded, “Go ahead.”

“No, you should --”

“I clearly interrupted you. Please. What were you about to say?”

“Oh… just uh… well, I was just… I mean, I know you don’t care or nothin’, but I was really impressed today. Y’know, with your fightin’ and all. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Oh.” The tears were gone like they’d never come in the first place and instead her face felt warm. “Well… thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He shrugged, “I learned a lot. It was really interestin’. You’re a good teacher.”

Did he know what a compliment that was? Or was he just trying to be nice? “Are you just saying that or do you mean it?”

“I mean it! Heck, if I’d had you as a teacher instead of Brotch, I probably woulda paid a hell of a lot more attention in class.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He frowned at his cards, “I was kinda surprised though.”

“Because I can take down someone so much larger than me?”

“Psh. Nah. I was always pretty sure you could kick ass all the way back when we were kids if you ever  _ really _ wanted to. You just never seemed to wanna.”

“It was scary back then.”

“I know… and I’m still sorry about all that. If I could go back in time and kick my own ass, I would in a heartbeat. You have no idea how much I wanna.”

“You were just a kid back then. We all were. Kids do silly things sometimes.”

He chuckled, “There you go. Bein’ too nice again.”

“Hmm. So what were you surprised about?”

“Oh. Just… I didn’t see you bein’ okay with teaching little kids how to do that stuff. I mean, I get teachin’ ‘em to defend themselves and all, but you went a little ways past that.”

“Defense isn’t enough for them out here. The people in the wastes who would attack a child have no restraint and no qualms about killing them. So the children can’t have any, either.”

“I guess. It just… feels wrong. To me. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

“Childhood ends very early outside the vault, Butch. It’s just a fact of life out here.”

“Yeah. I guess.” He sighed and shook his head, “You see that little girl with those braids? Her knife never stopped moving the whole time you were teachin’.”

“Sharon. Yes, I know. She’s one of the orphans from when the Enclave attacked. Her mother was a knight. She feels like she has a lot to live up to.”

“Tch. It’s terrible. Babies out here with knives and guns and shit.”

“I know. I can’t think of anything else to do to keep them safe but teach them how to fight back.”

“Oh, no, I know. I get it. I’m just sayin’... the world should change is all. You don’t need to be out here in all this mess either. A person like you should be… I dunno, safe and comfortable and happy. All the time. That’s how it should be.”

“Nobody’s happy all the time.”

“I guess.”

“You know… you deserve all that stuff, too, right?”

“Ha. No, I really don't, but that’s nice of you to say.”

“You do. You really do.” Abby chewed on her lip thoughtfully, wondering if it was appropriate or not to bring up things she only knew about by virtue of having intimate knowledge of his medical record.

“See, I really don’t understand how you survived out here if you’re still this…” He finally stopped staring at his cards and studied her face, brow furrowed in confusion, “Hey, what’s wrong now? You look like you swallowed a fly or somethin’.”

“I just… uh…”

“You just what?”

“I…” She took a deep breath and shut her eyes, “I know about… about what happened when you were little. I had… your file listed several dislocated shoulders --”

“Abby.”

“-- fractured ribs at three --”

“Don’t.”

“-- when you were eighteen months old you came in with breathing difficulties --”   


“Stop.”

“-- and you couldn’t stay awake. Daddy said it was clearly SBS but the Overseer refused to follow his recommendation to have you removed --”

_ “Stop it!” _

She held her breath and waited. Her eyes stayed glued to her lap so she didn’t have to see the way his hands were shaking or the shock and fear in his eyes. She shouldn’t have said anything, but it had bothered her since she was sixteen.

No one had stepped up for him. No one had saved him. And then all the adults had just written him off as some kind of abhorrent problem child when clearly he’d had good reason to act the way he did. She hadn’t even gotten to the more insidious stuff, like how his weight was somehow always far too low for a baby his age and all the times he’d been brought into the clinic in dire straits for things that could have easily been treated if he’d only been seen sooner. It wasn’t just physical abuse. It was neglect, too. No doubt the psychological trauma from all that had helped shape him into the terror he’d once been.

It was a miracle he’d survived at all, honestly.

When he spoke again, his voice was very quiet. Barely above a whisper. “Ma was never herself when she was drunk. That’s all. She didn’t mean to. She never meant to.”

The calm, even, emotionless way he said it broke her heart. She didn’t want to fight him. She’d never wanted to fight him, but she felt like she had to on this. “She had a choice, Butch. Every time she picked up a bottle, she chose it over her baby’s safety and well-being. That’s inexcusable.”

“Just leave it, Abby.”

“But --”

“Please leave it.”

She still couldn’t look at him, but managed to nod. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” He set his hand down. “Gin.”

“Oh. You got me.”

“Yeah.” He stood and rolled his shoulders. “I’m uh… I think I’m gonna go for a smoke. I’ll probably sneak into a bunk or somethin’ somewhere after. You can have the room.”

“You don’t have to go! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I said anything.” Abby covered her face with her hands, angry with herself and the tears that were escaping down her cheeks. “I don’t know why I can’t just be normal and have normal conversations with people. I didn’t want to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know that you’ve always deserved better! Always! It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t _right!_ Somebody should have done something!” A heavy weight jostled the mattress under her and suddenly she was being rocked slowly back and forth. Strong arms around her and a soft chuckle in her ear.

“Wow. Never thought I’d see the day that Abby Lane cried for me.”

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s alright. You gotta calm down, okay? You’re gonna have one of those moments of yours and if your Brotherhood friends come in here to find me smotherin’ you, I’m liable to get shot or somethin’, y’know? And I’d really rather not.”

She nodded and tried to focus on breathing, placing her hand on his chest to use his heartbeat as a touchstone for her own. It seemed abnormally fast, too, though. “Are you okay?”

“I’m… yeah. Shit. I’m okay. I’m fine. You’re the one who can’t stop cryin’.”

“I’m sorry. I just… you deserved better. I hope you know that.”

“I do. I didn’t used to, but now I do. That’s part of why I left, too. Bein’ in that place just makes me angry all the time. I hate it. I’d rather just leave it all to rot, y’know? Just… write ‘em all off. Fuck ‘em.”

She nodded again, “Okay.”

“I didn’t know you knew all that stuff. I dunno why I thought you wouldn't. Feel kinda stupid for bein’ surprised by it. I didn’t even think about all the things that must’ve been written in my old file.”

“I saw it that day when I stitched up your hand. After you left. I didn’t mean to but I dropped it and papers went everywhere and I had to put them back in order so --”

“Hey, it’s alright. I get it. Accidents happen. I know you’re not the type to snoop.”

“I’m sorry I said anything.”

“Nah, it’s… you just caught me off guard is all. I’m sorry I raised my voice at you like I did.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it ain’t. I’m tryin’ to get away from shit like that so… it ain’t. I’m sorry.”

“Everybody yells sometimes.”

“Sure, and most people can get drunk occasionally and it doesn’t mean anything, but I can’t, right? Or I shouldn’t. I’m still… I shoulda walked outta the saloon before it got that far. I dunno why I didn’t. It just… I dunno. Old habits or somethin’.”

“I think you’re too hard on yourself.”

“Pfft. Somebody’s gotta be.”

“No, I mean… you went from never caring about what you did to the other extreme. There’s a happy medium in there somewhere.”

“I cared about what I did back then. It always just came too late. I’d do something stupid and not even realize it until after it was done. Over and over.” He took a deep breath and sighed, “And I hate that. I hate that it took the idea of you being gone forever to make me change. I shoulda been able to do it before that.”

Abby finally managed to get the last of her tears wiped away and sat back, “That’s not true. You were already changing before I left the vault. You were different. Nicer. Calmer.”

“Nah, that was… I was just fakin’ all that.”

“What? You were  _ faking _ it?”

“Yeah.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

He stared at her for a moment and finally gave her a half smile and a shrug. “I dunno. It’s a mystery, I guess.”

“So… you were just pretending to be my friend back then?”

“What?! No! No, no, no. Not… I wasn’t faking  _ that. _ I was just… tryin’ to be somebody I wasn’t is all.”

“Oh.”

“I absolutely wanted… I mean, every time you and I hung out, that shit was real, alright? Everything else about my life at that point was a lie, but we weren’t.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, I just…” She shook her head, “There was this one time when Susie came into the clinic. She said she needed to talk to me about you and she said some… stuff and it… I don’t know, I guess it stuck with me.”

He frowned, “What kinda stuff?”

“Oh, it was just Susie being Susie, really. I dismissed it at the time but then you said you were lying back then and --”

“What, _exactly,_ did she say?”

“That you were playing a big joke on me by pretending to want to be my friend. That you and the other Snakes laughed about it together. She said she felt bad about it and didn’t want me to think…”

“Think what?”

“That you and I were… that…” She laughed, “It’s so absurd. She um… she thought I had a crush on you. I told her she was being ridiculous. It was… that was crazy. I’ve never had feelings like that for anybody. I just figured she was being jealous like always.”

He rubbed his forehead, “Why didn’t you say somethin’? I woulda talked to her.”

“Oh. Well… that was just a few days before… before everything happened. I didn’t see you, so…”, she shrugged. “I mean, I probably wouldn’t have said anything anyway. I don’t like getting involved in drama like that, you know. It’s stressful.”

“Right.” Shit. He’d thought he’d done a better job downplaying his interests back then, but apparently not.

“Anyway, it’s not a big deal.”

“You didn’t believe her though, right?”

“Oh, right. No, I knew better. She’s always trying to start some silly thing. I think she just gets bored with her own life and doesn’t have anything better to do, really.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

“I mean, she thought  _ everybody _ had a crush on you, you know? She probably even yelled at poor Andy once or twice, too, for always being pleasant around you.”

“That honestly would not surprise me.”

She gathered their cards and tapped them back together. “Anyway, I mean, can you imagine? Even if I  _ had _ had a crush on you, it’s not like I would have had a shot. For heaven’s sake.”

“What?” He’d gotten a little lost in the way her hair now bounced around her face as she shook her head, but that snapped him back to reality. “Why do you think you wouldn’t have had a shot?”

“Because I’m… me. Boys don’t…” She nodded in his direction,  _ “Men _ don’t find me attractive.”

“Says who?!”

“You. You said that. A bunch of times.”

“What?!”

A long suffering sigh left her and she rolled her eyes, “I think you should have your memory tested.”

“I think you should have yours tested!”

“My memory is perfect, thank you. I have infallible recall.”

“Oh, bullshit!”

“It is not! I have an eidetic memory, commonly referred to as a photographic memory, although that’s not exactly how it works. But it means that I can remember things better than the average.”

_ “Abigail.” _

She immediately made a face, “You sound like Daddy when you say my name like that.”

_ “Ab-i-gail. _ I know you’re dense as concrete, but nobody is this thick.”

“Excuse me? I am not dense. What are you on about now?”

“Do I look like the kinda guy who kisses people that aren’t attractive? Come on, use that big brain of yours for five seconds. Think about it.”

A flat, deadpan expression crossed her face, “No, but you do look like the kinda guy who thinks it's funny to kiss people who aren’t expecting it though.”

“Why do you think everything I do is a joke?”

“Because the options are usually you’re joking or you’re some kind of sociopath and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.”

Okay, this was getting him nowhere. He decided to take the direct approach. “You’re hot, idiot. There. I said it, and I’m bein’ totally serious, so now you know.”

She snorted with laughter and put her cards away, “You’re ridiculous.”

“I am not!”

“Is this about that silly genetic match thing from forever ago? Because in case you haven’t realized it yet, I would have literally matched with anyone in the system since I wasn’t born in the vault. In fact, that’s part of how Daddy argued his way in. He told Alphonse that we had fresh genetics and it would be helpful to introduce that into the breeding pool.”

“I… wait, is that true? We weren’t a  _ real _ match?”

Abby rolled her eyes, “Trust me when I say no one down there was a real match. I actually met the man who designed our vault, you know. He was a lunatic. God only knows what his true purpose behind having a permanently closed vault actually was.”

“Oh.” That kinda smarted a little. He knew she’d always been fairly dismissive of the whole thing, but he’d really seen them matching as some kind of nod from the universe. Proof he wasn’t completely certifiable in wanting to be with someone so obviously superior to him in pretty much every way. “Well, I… I bet that was a relief, huh? To realize you wouldn’t be stuck with a guy like me after all. Probably threw yourself a little party, right?”

“I…” A flippant reply was right on the tip of her tongue. She was fully prepared to point out the obvious. That without the threat of vault extinction, her duty to have children had been nullified altogether. But his usual playful smirk wasn’t reaching his eyes like it normally did. There was something a little off about how he wouldn’t look at her.

He’d been a little strange all day, now that she was thinking about it. Volatile and easily rattled. Maybe coming to the Citadel so soon after that Jericho business had been a bad idea. She’d only meant to take his mind off things, but violence was the Brotherhood’s bread and butter. They probably should have gone someplace nicer, like Underworld.

“If anyone should throw a party, it’s you. Now you’re free to find your future children a proper mother who actually knows how to do things like cook and handle laundry and all that.”

He tsked, “I don’t need somebody like that. I can handle all that crap myself.”

“Oh.” She kept her head down and winced a bit. The awkwardness was back. At least on her end.

“Maybe I liked the idea of havin’ little genius babies. You ever think of that?”

“I… guess not.” She hadn’t, actually. He’d been weirdly triumphant over the whole idea all those years ago but she’d never thought about why. Their children would have probably grown up to be impressive specimens. She could see why he’d see that as a win. “Maybe they would have taken after you.”

“Ha. Well, there’s an argument for sterilization if I ever heard one.”

“No, that’s… that’s not what I meant. I don’t think it would necessarily be a bad thing. You’re creative and charming. Handsome and all. I told you that, remember? That your children would probably be very attractive, so...” The silence from his side felt unnatural and she finally looked up at him. There was something on his face she couldn’t read at all and her head tilted. “What? What is it?”

“Nothin’, I just uh… you really think I’m creative?”

“Well, your pranks were always diabolically clever and, I mean, you are a barber. That’s an artistic trade.”

“Oh. Oh, right.”

“Speaking of, I think it’s dry.” She fluffed it with her hand, “Yup. It’s dry. So can we go to sleep now?”

“Oh, yeah. Y-you’re really still sure you actually want me to stay and all?”

“Of course I do. You’re my guest. It’s only right.”

“Okay. Yeah.”

She unclipped her PipBoy and set it on the nearby bedside table before scooting close to the wall. “Can you get the light?”

“Sure.”

He almost fell on the floor getting off the bed and she frowned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m… I’m good. Y’know, it’s uh… it’s good. I just slipped.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Butch paused by the light switch and cleared his throat, “It uh… it looks nice, by the way.”

“What does?”

“Your hair. It’s cute.”

“Oh! Thanks.” She smiled, “It feels a lot better. Thank you for cutting it.”

“Yeah. Do you wanna see it before you go to bed?”

“Oh, right. I suppose I ought to. It’ll probably never look this nice again.”

“Nah, I’m… I mean, you got a barber on staff now, right? I’m not gonna let you walk around lookin’ like little orphan Annie or somethin’.”

“That’s very considerate. Thank you.”

“Sure.” He passed her his pocket mirror and couldn’t help but feel a little proud at the happy smile on her face.

“Oh! It does kinda look cute, doesn’t it?” She shook her head back and forth and watched the curls bounce. “I feel just like Shirley Temple.”

“Ha. She wishes she had your hair. You know her mother put those ringlets in every damn night? It wasn’t natural.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Rag curls. Exactly fifty-six of ‘em. Every. Single. Night.”

“Good lord. That must have taken forever to do!”

He shrugged, “You could probably do four a minute if you really knew your stuff.”

“Still, on a squirming toddler?”

“I know. I can’t even imagine.”

He took back his mirror and carefully set it aside before finally mustering up the courage to flip the light off. The windowless room went dark and inky and he tried to not sigh too loudly as he slowly made his way over. He could hear Abby rustling around, getting comfortable and he hoped she had sense enough to realize just how much of the bed he was going to take up. He didn’t want to accidentally crush her or anything.

“You should take your shirt off.”

Butch froze mid-sit and almost fell again, “What?”

“It’s at least seventy-five degrees in here. The two of us together are going to generate enough body heat that it’ll be uncomfortable if you don’t.” There was a pause and then he could actually hear the kindly, professional doctor smile in her voice. “I understand you not wanting to take your jeans off, of course. That’s very chivalrous of you to worry over my sensibilities like that. I feel like I should tell you it’s entirely unnecessary but I  _ do _ appreciate it all the same.”

“Okay.” He finally managed to sit down and pulled his shirt off. Still had no idea how to argue with her when she was all levelheaded and calm like this. Any objection he made would just sound like he was being, as she so often liked to call him,  _ ridiculous. _

“I mean, you can’t help being a man in your early twenties and all. Nearly all males your age deal with NPT. I’m not going to take it personally if it happens.”

“NPT?”

“M’hmm.”

He cautiously laid down and was painfully aware of how his arm brushed against hers, so he rolled over towards the floor. “What’s that?”

“Nocturnal penile tumescence.”

“Uh… pretend like I don’t have a whole dictionary memorized in my head like you do.”

“Oh, sorry.” She laughed, “Of course. RJ was… goodness, you should have seen his face when I explained it to him. I may as well have been speaking Mandarin.”

“Heh.”

“I believe the proper colloquialism for it is morning wood.”

His brain completely screeched to a halt.

She didn’t seem to notice and continued on, “Which is really something of a tragedy when you think about it, right? Morning wood sounds so lovely and peaceful, doesn’t it? Melodic almost.” She tsked to herself, “But then mountain dew means some kind of terrible alcohol and it’s a beautiful phrase, too.”

“Y-yeah.”

“Anyway, the point is, I know all about it and it’s fine. A completely involuntary bodily response to likewise involuntary dreams during REM sleep. It would be a silly thing to get upset over. I may as well be shocked every time you sneeze.”

“Okay. Thanks?”

“You’re welcome.” There was a long pause before she finally clicked her tongue in annoyance. “Are you still determined to keep your jeans on?”

“Yes!”

“Why? I just told you it was fine.”

“Just because somethin’ is fine for you doesn’t mean it’s fine for me.”

“You’re being silly. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“I’m not embarrassed!”

“Are you sure? Because it really seems like you are.”

“I’ve got nothin’ to be embarrassed by, thank you very much little missy! If anything, I should be proud of… y’know what? No. I am not talking about this with you anymore. The pants stay on. End of discussion.”

She huffed, “You’re going to get hot.”

“I’m already heated arguing with you!”

“Oh.” Abby moved around behind him a little and huffed again, “You take up more space than I thought you would. Spatial intelligence is sadly not one of my strong suits. It’s why I prefer to draw out plans and things before acting.”

“I can always sleep on the floor.”

“No, you cannot! You’re my guest.”

“Well, you ain’t sleepin’ on the floor.”

“Obviously not. To even get there I’d have to scale Mount Butch first.”

He snorted, “Mount Butch? Is that what you’re gonna call it from now on?” A sharp finger poked him in the spine and he yelped. “Hey! Rude!”

“Right now, from my angle, you look like a mountain. That’s all I meant.”

“M’hmm.” The familiar exasperation in her voice had him feeling a little more normal, so he decided to poke the bear a bit. Just for shits and giggles. “You wanna do a little mountain climbing, Heidi? That what you’re tryin’ to get at?”

“Certainly not!”

“I’d be happy to guide you.”

“No, thank you.”

“Take you all the way. Right over the top.”

“Oh, my God.”

“Might get a little breathless bein' so close to heaven and all. So we’ll have to take our time. Go real nice and easy, but don’t worry, angel. I’ll get you there.”

“Did you know that an injury to your lumbar vertebra, right  _ here --”  _ Her nails dug into his lower spine and he jumped again. “-- can result in a loss of all motor function in the pelvic area?”

“N-no.”

“Would you like to experience that sensation firsthand?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Then  _ shush.” _

Shit. An icy shiver ran up his spine and it actually took him a minute to realize it wasn’t anything she’d physically done. It was just his body reacting to that chilly tone of hers. He had no idea why her getting all feisty and pissed had always done it for him, but it had. Her snapping and snarling at him their entire adolescence probably had something to do with it. Back then it meant she was paying attention to him and only him. Keeping her eyes on him had been his only goal back in the day. The only thing in the world that had any meaning.

But things were different now. They’d grown up. He had something far better than just her unwilling acknowledgement of his existence. He had her friendship, too. No amount of sexually charged razzing was worth risking that over.

“I’m sorry, Abby. That was too far. I went too far.”

She sighed, “No, it’s fine. Really. I guess that’s probably our natural wavelength with each other or something. I don’t take it seriously like I used to.” Her hand touched him again but this time it was gentle and soft. Rubbing little circles where her nails had dug into his skin. “I’m sorry if I scratched you or anything.”

Oh, yeah. This was better. This was way, way,  _ way _ better. Now there was a slow warmth building in him, sliding lazily along his nerves. It had him wanting to roll over and see just how heated they could get. Her touching him like she actually cared was about a billion times better than  _ all _ the retaliatory pinches and slaps and punches she’d thrown his way over the years combined.

“It’s alright. You didn’t scratch me.”

“Oh, good. I’ve had complaints that my nails are too sharp.” She scoffed, “I’m not even sure what on earth I’m supposed to do about that. I can’t help how they grow.”

“M’hmm.”

Keeping his mouth shut as much as possible seemed like the safest bet here. Butch closed his eyes and soaked up this wonderful feeling while it lasted. He’d been feeling a little touch starved since leaving the vault. It was by his own choice and all, but still, it kinda sucked. He’d had offers and seen more than a few cuties he wouldn’t have minded getting to know, but he’d held off. Couldn’t risk tomcatting out here, where it seemed like everyone he met was already Abby’s lifelong pal and bosom buddy. His worst nightmare scenario was his dick getting him into trouble with somebody she knew and liked. It was bad enough she knew all about his past antics. He didn’t need to add anything to all that. This was already an uphill battle against her perception of him and his own damn reputation.

“Is that better?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“No problem.”

The hand left him and he immediately pouted. He hadn’t wanted to be a jerk and make her feel bad or anything. Otherwise he would’ve lied his ass off and said it hurt worse than any pain he’d ever felt. Anything so long as it kept her hands on him.

He was probably still  _ kinda _ an asshole for thinking of it in the first place though.

“Hey, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Sure, shoot.”

“You said you and Susie had one last big fight before you left, right?”

He made a face in the darkness. Now there was a whole situation he’d be happy never thinking about ever again. “Yeah.”

“What was it about? Like, what did you do? Not to be mean or anything, but… well, you know how you are. I always thought she’d forgive  _ anything _ you did, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, Christine was her  _ best friend _ and you --”

“I know what I did.”

“Sure, but Susie knew, too, and she was still very adamant that the two of you were going to be married and everything. That’s my point. I honestly can’t imagine  _ anything _ you could do that would make her turn on you like that.”

Butch sighed heavily. This was the absolute last thing he wanted to talk to her about right now, but at least her being so goddamn slow on the uptake here would help him out. “I fell in love with somebody else and she found out.”

“Oh. Oooh. Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So… she didn’t care about the physical stuff, but --”

“Yeah.” The lie came easier than trying to explain his shameful past behavior. Susie did care every time he bagged another girl. She’d cry a little and then either get mad and they’d fuck or get overly affectionate and they’d fuck. Either way, she’d feel better after and always somehow turn even more clingy than before. It had taken him a long time to figure out how gross and unhealthy that all was. He’d always treated her like an object and she saw him like a pet or something she owned.

“But you still left the vault anyway?”

“What?”

“Well, the person you’re in love with is from the vault, right? So why’d you leave?”

“Oh. Well, I told you, that place just makes me angry and...” He scrunched up his face and tried to think of the least dishonest way to tell her the truth. “She just doesn’t feel the same way towards me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s alright. Honestly, it’s probably for the best. She deserves a hell of a lot better than me anyway.”

“Hmph. Well I, for one, think you’re great. And if she can’t see that, then that’s her loss.”

He almost laughed. Almost. “Thanks.”

“M’hmm… do I get to know who she is?”

“No.”   


“Aw, why not?”

“Because it’s my private business, alright? Anyway, she should know first before some nosy little busybody finds out.”

“Hey! I am not nosy!”

“Oh, you are, too.”

“I would tell you!”

“Pfft. Yeah, right.”

“I would! I really would. I mean… you’re kind of an expert on that sort of thing, right? Chances are good I'd need your advice anyway. I don’t even know what I would do if I felt that way about somebody. Probably just curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment or something.”

“Embarrassment?”

“Yes.”

“What’s embarrassing about liking somebody?”

“I’m sure I don’t know! It just seems like it would be.”

He chuckled, “You’re such a baby still. I dunno how you’ve been out here two years, doin’ all the shit you’ve done, and you’re still like some awkward eleven year old kid inside. It’s nuts.”

“Some of us just aren’t cut out for that kind of thing.”

“How do you know if you never try?”

“The same way I don’t have to stick my foot in a bear trap to know it would hurt a lot.”

“Pfft.”

Abby stretched and rolled over, facing the wall. “Anyway, my alleged lack of maturity aside, if you want my advice --”

“I do not.”

“-- I say you should march right back in there and tell her how much you’ve changed! Maybe she’s still stuck on the old Butch and just doesn’t realize how nice you are now! How can you expect her to make any kind of proper decision if she doesn’t have all the facts?”

“Oh, the facts, huh?”

“Yes.”   


“And what are the facts?”

“That you’re, you know, better than you were. You’re nice and friendly and funny now. I mean, gosh, you make me laugh about a million times a day like it’s nothing and before…” She curled up a little, “Before you came along, I barely laughed at all.”

Was that it? Her father’s death was so fresh and raw in her mind that she still couldn’t begin to come to terms with it. She couldn’t deny the heavy, spiraling depression that had caught her in its tide. There had been whole weeks following that terrible loss where she honestly couldn’t say what she’d done or where she’d even been. She’d managed to crawl her way back out to something resembling normalcy for herself, but being rejected a final time from the vault had just shoved her right back into all that darkness.

Then along came Butch and she’d been so irritated and distracted and amused she hadn’t even thought about any of that stuff. He was, oddly enough, like a bright ball of sunshine chasing away all the shadows in her life. His laughter and joy and endless enthusiasm for all things wasteland had somehow made all the difference.

Daddy would probably think she was crazy at this point, but her favorite person alive right now might very well be Butch DeLoria.

“I’d make you laugh a billion times a day if I could. There’s nothin’ cuter in this world than when you get to gigglin’ like you do.”

“Oh.” She smiled to herself. He really was a sweetheart underneath everything. She was pretty sure this is who he was always meant to be and she was glad he’d finally found himself. “Thanks.”

“Hmm.”

“Good night, Butch.”

“Night, Abby.”

Barely ten minutes had ticked by before she whispered, “Was it Christine?”

He sighed, “No.”

“Janice?”

“No.”

“Amata?”

“No! God, no. That… that woulda been a special kind of fucked up. No, it was definitely  _ not _ Amata.”

“What’s wrong with Amata?”

“Nothin’, she’s just… I’m not into her like that.”

“Oh.” That actually made a lot of sense. Butch had always had problems with authority, or even symbols of authority. Amata being the new overseer, and before that an overseer’s daughter, had probably tanked that relationship before the possibility of it even got off the ground. “Well, whoever they are, I’m glad you aren’t with Susie anymore.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“She wasn’t right for you.”

“Yeah, probably not.”

“I don’t even know why you asked her out in the first place.”

“Maybe I’ve just got a thing for red hair.”

“Maybe. See, this is why you should go out with Nova. She’s a lovely person and very nice and a redhead. It’s perfect.”

He snorted quietly, “You are the world’s worst matchmaker. I just want you to know that. There is  _ zero _ spark between me and her. Nada. Zip. Zilch.”

“It was just a suggestion!”

“Ya-huh.” Butch rolled onto his back. “To tell you the truth, there was no spark between me and Susie, either. At least not from my end.”

“Then why date her?”

He shrugged, “I dunno. I shouldn’t have. Stringin’ her along the way I did for so long… that wasn’t right. She’s a pill, but it wasn’t right. Nobody deserves that.”   


“That’s a very grown-up thing to say.”

“Yeah… I guess it was just in my genes or somethin’. Apple never falls far from the tree, right?”

“Your genes?”

“Yeah. My old man was no better.”

Abby turned over and stared at his profile in the dark. She couldn’t really see his face but she wished she could. “I thought your dad was some big hero. Died saving everybody from a reactor meltdown.”

“Psh. Nah. That’s just what Ma always told me. I found out the truth when I was around six.” He glanced over at her, “You really didn’t see his name in that file or anything?”

She shook her head, “No, it just listed him as deceased.”

He laughed, “Ha, I wish he was.”

“Wait… your father’s alive?”

“Yup.”

“In the vault?!”

“Yup.” He waited for the inevitable, but she seemed shocked speechless. “It’s Alphonse. He’s my real dad.”

_ “What?!” _ It came out a breathless shriek and he chuckled.

“I know, right? It’s so gross.”

“How… but… he’s _Amata’s_ dad!”

“I know. She's my little sister. Half-sister. Whatever.”

“You used to… I once caught you threatening to flash her!”

“Yeah.” He wrinkled his nose at the memory. “I used to do shit like that hopin’ she’d go tell our dad about it so he’d have to come talk to me and admit everything, but he never did.”

“How did you find out?”

“I overheard ‘em arguin’ one night. I didn’t realize it was weird that the Overseer kept comin’ to my house after dinner back then. Ma’d put me in my room and lock the door. I always thought they were just talking about grownup stuff, y’know?”

“But really they were…  _ oh!  _ Oh, that’s  _ disgusting!” _

“Right?! How do you think I feel?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks. Anyway, one night they were arguin’ and I got scared ‘cause… well, Ma in a mood was somethin’ I was familiar with. I hid in my closet and I could hear ‘em through the vent there. She was yelling that there was no reason we couldn’t all be a family now. That she’d waited long enough. He was Overseer so they didn’t need to hide anymore. He shot her down pretty hard. She told him he should at least acknowledge me as his son and he shot that down even harder. Said it would cause a lot of problems once Amata was old enough to take over. That people might want  _ me _ to take over instead.” He snickered, “Can you imagine? Overseer DeLoria. Now there’s a recipe for disaster.”

“That must have been awful to hear.”

“Yeah, I guess. When I got older, and Ma switched from slappin’ me around to hangin’ all over me after she’d tied one on, I started asking her stuff. She was happy to tell me all about it. She’s one of those that gets real talkative when she’s drunk and never remembers anything after, so… I got all the answers I wanted.” He made a face, “And then some. Some stuff you just can’t unhear, y’know?”

“Yeah.”   


“So it turns out, my ma and Al were… well, basically Susie and me in school. He didn’t care about her, but she was easy and dumb enough to be led around by the nose. He really had his sights set on Amata’s mom. Odette. Some real classy dame who was supposedly a direct descendant of the original overseer. I dunno if he was actually into her, or just into the influence her family had over everybody else, but she’s the one he asked to marry him. Ma got pregnant with me shortly thereafter tryin’ to get him to call it off but he wouldn’t. She was still loyal enough that she didn't out him as the father of her bastard. Instead she pinned it on some random guy who'd died in an accident. Odette had Amata almost exactly a year after I was born. That’s when Ma started  _ really _ drinkin’.”

“Then Amata’s mom died. My ma thought for sure Al would come running back to her, and he did, but he still didn’t wanna marry her. That’s when she started bein’ mad all the time. I dunno how long they were together for. I don’t even know why she kept letting him make her so fuckin’ miserable.”   


“I don’t know why, either. There’s _nothing_ redeemable about that man.”

“Agreed.” He sighed, “I told him I knew about everything just after we took the G.O.A.T.. He was tryin’ to give me the business over some bullshit and I finally snapped and told him if he wanted the right to tell me what to do, he’d have to man up and be a proper father first.”

“Good for you.”

“Pfft. Yeah. Good for me. He freaked out. Immediately offered me a bribe to keep quiet and I accepted it. That’s when he started using the Snakes as his own private goon squad. Paid us all a ton of extra rations so I’d keep my mouth shut. I didn’t confront Ma about it until after the rebellion happened. She sided with him, naturally, and I asked her why. She didn’t want to tell me so I told her I knew already. That I’d heard it straight from her own damn mouth while she was drunk off her ass. I said they both disgusted me and I hated ‘em.” He shook his head, “I feel kinda bad about that even now. I don’t really hate her. I want to, but I just can’t.”

“It must have been hard to finally stand up to her like that.”

“Oh, it was. Shit. I felt like that scared little kid all over again, y’know? She slapped me, too, but… it didn’t hurt. She’s too little to hurt me now. Once I realized that, I stopped being afraid. I just finally saw her the way she actually was. A sad, lonely drunk who’d thrown her life away on some worthless asshole. Her whole life is a waste. It’s just sad. It’s fuckin’  _ sad.” _

“Yeah.”

“And I didn’t ever wanna be that sad, so… I pretty much went straight from there to break up with Susie.”

“You broke up with her?”

“Yup.”

“But when I saw the two of you --”

“Those old habits, remember? I uh… seein’ you was kinda… I dunno. A big shock or somethin’. I hadn’t touched a bottle of liquor in a year, and then there you were and I didn’t know what to say or how to feel so I went and drank myself stupid. Woke up in Susie’s bed. I don’t even know how I got there.”

“Oh.”

“But then I realized I was just backslidin’ back into the same old shit. Losin’ myself in the same old vices. So we broke up again. For good. Then I left and that was all she wrote.”

“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t try to get with your mystery lady in all that.”

“Heh, yeah, well, I told you. She’s too good for me. Always has been, always will be. I dunno, I kinda feel like I screwed the pooch there so… maybe it’s all for the best. There’s some things that are just too pure and perfect for a guy like me to touch.” He brought his hands up and started at them for a moment before dropping them to his chest. “I got dirty hands, angel. Even when they’re clean, they’re dirty. Some people are just born dirty.”

“Stop that.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it between her own. “No one should be judged for the circumstances of their birth. The mistakes and  _ extraordinary _ character flaws of your parents don’t have a thing to do with you! You were born just as perfect as anybody else!”

“That’s nice of you to say, but --”

“No! No buts! I refuse to let you talk about yourself like that! Not another word!”

He stared at her. Even in the dark, her eyes glittered with a bright kind of tenacity. “Well… nice to see you’re still as _bossy_ as you ever were. A man can’t even talk about himself with you around.”

“Not if you’re going to spout a bunch of nonsense!”

A low chuckle rumbled out of his chest. “Okay, okay. Yeesh.”

“That’s my friend you’re talking about, you know. Nobody gets to talk about my friends that way.”

“Best friends.”

“That’s right. Tunnel Snakes  _ forever.” _

The unbelievably sincere way she said it had him laughing, “Yeah! Tunnel Snakes rule!”

She laughed with him, “Yeah!”

“God, I really love y-- uh… I really love your laugh. It’s so goofy.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“No, you shut up. I was almost asleep when you started askin’ stupid questions!”

“Well, excuse me for having an inquisitive mind.”

“Fine, you’re excused.”

“Ugh.” She snatched her hands back and flopped back over, facing the wall once again. “You are impossible.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?”

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?”

She muttered a few unflattering things under her breath, “I’m a great big idiot!”

“M’hmm. That’s true. You kinda are.”

“Ugh!”

“Ha.”

“Good night, Butch. I really mean it this time.”

“Alright, alright. Good night, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote is from Mark Twain. SBS stands for Shaken Baby Syndrome.
> 
> Her saying "I have infallible recall." is a quote from Adventure Time. I just think it's funny. (Lemongrab says this and then it's shown to be very obviously NOT true, which is the joke both here and there.)
> 
> Also Odette is the name of Amata's VA. (She's gorgeous btw. ❤) Her mother is never actually mentioned by name in canon so I improvised.


	11. Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Somewhat graphic descriptions of body horror & psychological distress.

The atrium had never looked more somber. Black crepe draped over every surface. The twinkle star lights from prom, now slate grey instead of gold, hung overhead and glittered darkly. Those in attendance wore their standard issue vault suits, the bright  _ 101 _ on the back the only splash of color in an otherwise monochrome world. The suits themselves were muted somehow. Abby squinted at them and couldn’t decide if they were actually blue, or if it was just her brain telling her they should be. The longer she stared, the more the color seemed to bleed out.

“We are gathered here on this sad occasion to mark the passing of Abigail Lane.”

She turned and looked up. Overseer Almodovar stood above them, eulogizing from the circular window in his office, silhouetted by bright overhead lights. They shouldn’t be able to hear him at all through the glass, but his voice wasn’t being piped through the PA system. He was speaking directly to the crowd.

“I’m not dead.”

“I am sure we are all united in our mourning of this young life, tragically taken too soon by the perilous wasteland.”

“I’m not dead!” She jumped and waved but no one seemed to notice.

“An all too poignant reminder of the dangers we'd each face were it not for the vault around us.”

“It’s not even that bad out there.” Abby searched the crowd for familiar faces, but those seemed to bleed together, too. “It’s really not!”

“Tragically, due to her own father’s selfish, thoughtless actions --”

She whipped back around, “Don’t talk about Daddy that way!”

“-- that helpless child felt compelled to leave our sanctuary, and thus succumbed to the inevitability of a terrible, painful death in the wastes.”

“I did not!” She stamped her foot, “I didn’t die!”

“May her memory serve as a warning to us all. That we should be forever grateful for these sturdy walls. Grateful that our every need is met. Grateful for the vault.” His arms opened wide as if to embrace them. “We are born in the vault, we live in the vault, and we die in the vault.”

The crowd murmured back, “We are born in the vault, we live in the vault, and we die in the vault.”

“No! You don’t have to! Nobody has to!”

“Now then, we all have jobs to do. So let’s get back to them. Dismissed.”

Abby watched as the assembly dispersed, angry and frustrated beyond measure. “You’re all just… just brainwashed! He’s brainwashed you!” She pointed up at the window but the overseer had already vanished.

A familiar laugh and the flash of a lab coat out of the corner of her eye had her running for the corridor that would take her to the clinic. “Jonas! Jonas, is that you?”

The floor seemed to stretch beneath her feet. What should have been just a five minute jog was turning into an eternity. The unsettling feeling of being hopelessly lost in a place that should have been familiar as the back of her hand made the hair stand up on the back of her neck, but she kept running. She could still hear his laughter. Still could just barely see him in the distance, then he was gone. She slid to a stop in the empty hallway.

“Jonas! Wait! Please wait!”

“He’s gone.” The door to her left slid open. Beatrice stared at her with lifeless eyes, the bloody stump where her leg had once been still dripping from it's botched amputation. “It’s your fault.”

“Ms. Armstrong. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I don’t know what they were thinking having Andy --”

She screamed at her, “It’s all  _ your _ fault!”

The door slid back shut. Her hand reached for the switch to open it but the loud sound of the lock engaging, echoing around her, had it dropping back to her side. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to cry.

“I’m sorry.”

More doors slid open.

A decaying Mrs. Hannon sobbed into her hands. “My boy! My poor, poor boy!”

Chief Hannon stood in the door opposite from his wife and growled out the exact same speech he'd given after her pointless return to the vault. “After what happened to Vikki and my boy that night, your corpse should be strung up as a warning to anyone else that thinks about heading outside.”

Abby shrank back, “I’m sorry! I didn’t --”

“It hurts, Doc.”

She spun around and gasped. 

Paulie was crying, barely able to stay on his feet. Covered in festering radroach bites. He struggled to hold the rotting skin on his arms together as the telltale sickly blisters of gangrene burst forth with putrid discharge that strained his hospital gown.

“Oh, God. Oh, Paulie, I’m so sorry!”

“It hurts… and you’re not here.” Thick, viscous tears rolled down his bruised and battered face. “I always kinda thought we were friends, Abby. Why? Why aren’t you here to help me?”

“I’m sorry!” She bolted down the hall, past more opening doors filled with the dead and the anguished they’d left behind. Crying or sneering at her. Some yelling. Some clearly coming at her with murderous intent as she darted past.

Stevie Mack laughed as she ran, “Coward!”

Anger flashed through her, but she didn't stop or even dare to look back. To have Jonas’s murderer call her such a thing was infuriating, but she had to find him. Had to apologize. Had to let him know she was so, so sorry for the chaos and calamity that her family had caused everyone.

Eventually the hall went quiet again. Abby slowed and panted, trying to catch her breath. Endless doors still lined the walls, but these were shut. Shut tight and locked.

Laughter caught her attention and she put her ear against the door it seemed to be coming from. There was music and what sounded like dozens of people murmuring. She knocked, but no one seemed to hear.

“Hello? Can someone let me in?” The noise inside suddenly went deathly quiet and she stepped back, expecting the door to open, but it didn’t. The switch was locked when she tried it and she knocked again. “Hello! I know you can hear me!”

The door behind her slid open instead and Amata gave her a sympathetic look, “You aren’t welcome here. You should leave.”

“This is my home.”

“Not anymore.”

Before Abby could reach her, the door shut in her face. “Amata!” She banged on the insulted steel but it was no use. The door wouldn’t budge.

“You’ve never been welcome here.” Susie snickered at her from a few doors down. “It’s kinda sad you ever thought you were.”

“Please, I just...” She took a step towards her but stopped short when the door slid shut. “I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“Sorry’s not gonna solve anything, champ.” Jonas shook his head from a suddenly open door. The front of his lab coat was soaked through with blood. “It won’t bring back the dead now will it?”

“Oh, Jonas! I’m so glad I --” She collided with solid steel and cried, “No! Please don’t shut me out! Please! _Jonas!”_ Her fists thumped against the door until her hands ached, but there was no noise, no movement from the other side. It was as if he’d vanished.

“It’s alright, sweetie.”

Abby froze and turned her head. There, far down the hallway, her father's voice coming from the clinic. And it’s door was  _ open. _

“Daddy?”

“It's good to see you again, honey.”

“Daddy, everybody hates me now.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and started walking towards him. “Amata says I can’t live here anymore.”

“That’s okay. You never really belonged in a vault anyway. You belong out in the world, doing great things just like your mother.”

“I’ve been trying. I try so hard --”

“So you’ve finished work improving those stimpaks?”

“What? Oh… no, not yet.”

“Or found a way to use gene therapy to reverse Fawkes’s mutation?”

“No, I… I don’t know enough to --”

“Did you at least find a way to release poor Charon from his bondage?”

She shook her head, crying once more. “No. I haven’t done any of that.”

“Hmm. I feel like Catherine would have by now.” He shrugged, “Well, no matter. I’m sure you’re still helping others in some small way, like you’ve always done.”

“Daddy, why are you being so mean?”

“I’m not, honey. I’m just speaking the truth.”

Abby stopped and wrapped her arms around herself, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m  _ supposed _ to do.”

“You need to stop screwing around and  _ focus. _ It’s the  _ work, _ Abigail. The work is what matters.”

“That’s what you did and look how it turned out!”

“Yes, just look. The wasteland now has clean drinking water. It’s a miracle made real.”

“People  _ died! You _ died! I’m a pariah here! Was any of that really worth it?!”

“Oh, sweetheart. You’re getting so emotional. If you don’t calm down, you’ll have one of your fits. Listen, I love you, but the project has been my responsibility since long before you were even born. It took priority.” He tsked when she cried harder, shaking her head in denial of his terrible, hurtful words. “Oh, come now. You’re a scientist as well, and a grownup now. You should understand these things.” James sighed, “Then again, you were always something of a crybaby. Will a hug from Daddy fix it? Hmm?”

Abby took a cautious step forward, encouraged by the gentle smile on his face.

“Here she comes! Such a big girl!”

It seemed like every step she took, the further away he was. The hallway was doing that weird stretching thing again and she panicked, bolting forward. Hoping to outpace it before it took him away. “No! Daddy!”

“Just a few more steps, honey. You can do it.”

“No, I can’t! Daddy, help me!”

He sighed and lowered his arms, “You aren’t even trying. Your mother would be so disappointed.”

“I  _ am _ trying!”

James turned away, “Well, when you finally decide to get serious, I’ll be here. I’m always here for you, you know. Even if you don't always appreciate it.”

“But you’re  _ not!”  _ She finally crashed into the closed door and slid down onto her knees, sobbing. “You’re not here and I’m  _ lost. _ Daddy, please.” A few feeble scratches against the steel and she gave up, pressing her forehead against the cool metal. “Please.”

Warm fingers slid into her hair and ruffled it. Abby opened her eyes and turned, staring up at the dark figure haloed by the bright fluorescents above them. Their head tilted a little and she just barely caught the way the light reflected off a familiar, sardonic grin.

“It’s alright, angel. I’ve got you.”

Abby woke with a start, blinking tears away in the darkness. She felt shaken and disoriented. Her heart was racing and she shuddered through a few deep breaths trying to calm it. Force of habit said to check her PipBoy for the time, but when she tried to reach for it, she realized she couldn’t.

She was  _ stuck. _

Butch lay beneath her, muttering in his sleep. Both arms around her as she’d apparently been sleeping on his chest. Her eyes went wide and mortification washed over her. How long had  _ this _ been going on? She couldn’t even blame him for it, either, as she was clearly the aggressor here.

She tried to push up and free herself, but his hold only tightened. The muttering took on a decidedly grumbly quality and his hand planted itself in her hair, pulling down. Abby squeaked and found herself flattened against him with his heartbeat thudding away in her ear. Her brow furrowed as she tried to formulate an exit strategy before something horrible happened, like him waking up. Even the very idea of it made her cheeks burn.

Her mind quickly ran through and dismissed a dozen scenarios before she was forced to face the truth. The smartest thing to do here, unfortunately, was simply wait out whatever dream he was having. Once the mind entered the next stage of sleep, his muscles would relax and she’d be free. Easy peasy. Just had to remain calm. Patience was the key.

He was awfully hot, though. She felt uncomfortably warm laying here. A bit of wiggling and she realized her shirt had ridden up during the night as well. Her bare midriff was plastered against his and her nose wrinkled in distaste. They were probably all sweaty there, and she’d just taken a shower last night, too. What a waste of time and perfectly good water.

Then the realization that her bottom was on display for the world hit her and she actually hid her face against his chest, sweat or no. If he woke up before she put herself to rights she’d absolutely  _ die. _ Especially since she was in the stupid heart panties she’d picked up in Rivet City.

Mr. Bannon had been very excited about some new lingerie he’d managed to score for Potomac Attire and she hadn’t wanted to be rude while buying socks, so she’d reluctantly picked out a few things. He’d been a little put out despite her efforts since she hadn’t spent big caps on the more risque things in his selection. Be that as it may, she was now the not-so-proud owner of five pairs of novelty panties. She could now adorn her nethers with little red hearts, gold stars, rainbow cupcakes, white-on-blue polka dots or even pink flowers should the mood strike her.

It never actually struck, of course, but they occasionally made it into rotation anyway due to her habit of never actually looking at what she was packing for trips. Waddy made sure whatever was in the filing cabinet she used as a dresser was clean and neatly organized by type. So long as it was serviceable, she didn’t really care what she wore.

Until right now, of course.

He hadn’t noticed them earlier. She was fairly certain, anyway. Her shirt was very long on her, and quite modest as far as nightgowns went. Plus, it was just in his nature to tease people, and no doubt the sight of her in such silly, superfluous underwear would have provided him with enough material for _days_ of endless taunting and slightly vulgar jokes.

He shifted suddenly and she tried to not make any noise as the motion jostled her. It was hard, though. Hysterical laughter was bubbling up within her, and she squashed back the impulse as best as she could. The hand on her head kept a gentle but firm grip and she was almost worried he’d crush her skull like a melon. She’d somehow never really noticed how big his hands were until just this second, but Nova was right. They were definitely yao guai sized.

The one resting on her back slid downward and she prayed that it wouldn’t end up where she was pretty sure it was going to. It settled right on her bottom and she groaned inwardly, biting back a yelp when it squeezed and gripped her there, too. Decidedly harder than the hand on her head. Kneading her like she was made from bread dough. Abby scowled at the audacity of such manhandling and then immediately chastised herself for getting angry at the wrong person.

Hadn’t she been the one saying she could handle sleeping next to a fully grown man and all the possible unseemly things that could occur? She’d reassured him over and over that she was a doctor and therefore immune to whatever awkwardness could arise from human bodies behaving as nature intended. He’d tried to tell her, but she hadn’t listened. Hubris. That’s what it was. He was the expert on things like this. She should have set her ego aside and listened better.

Abby sighed and flopped her head back down, resigned to whatever was going to ultimately happen. Absurdly grateful that he had insisted on wearing pants, especially now that there was an unmistakable denim clad bulge pressing against her. It actually wasn’t unpleasant, exactly, it just made her feel nervous somehow. When he moaned and pressed her harder against it, a shiver zinged through her.

She frowned thoughtfully. There it was again. That weird little half-remembered feeling she’d experienced both times he’d kissed her ages ago. An odd jolt of sensation as the nerves in her spine were electrified by… something. Shooting some mysterious signal directly to her brain. It made her feel weirdly excited, almost anxious. Adrenaline maybe? Something was definitely coursing through her system now. Her heartbeat was up and she felt restless and squirmy. Those odd flutters from before were back as well, low in her belly.

What the hell was going on here?

The hand still tangled in her hair slid down to join its counterpart. A purring sort of growl came from him and this time, when his hands pressed down, his hips rolled upward. Abby gasped as the zing this time was answered by a tug from between her legs. Heat flooded through her and her eyes went wide as it finally dawned on her.

Arousal. That’s what this was. He repeated the motion a few times and she whimpered quietly as the feeling got bigger and  _ worse. _ So much worse. It felt like her whole body was on fire. She found herself panting against his skin and squeezed her eyes shut against the self-loathing that overtook her.

Butch was her  _ friend. _ Almost family at this point. This was wrong and  _ terrible. _ What kind of monster was she anyway? She should have just bit the bullet, dealt with the embarrassment like an adult and woken him up right away.

Her self-flagellation was cut short by his hands suddenly falling away, landing on the mattress with a soft thud. His body relaxed under her as he settled back down into deeper sleep. The heartbeat under her ear slowed, as did his breathing. She peeked up at him and sighed in relief at the peace evident on his face. Fourth stage. His brain was in a proper resting cycle.

Abby whispered to herself, “Thank God.”

She quickly rolled off both him and the bed, tugging her shirt back down to its proper place. A cursory glance at her PipBoy revealed it was barely past three. Far too early to be up for the day, but there was no way she was returning to bed yet. Absolutely not.

She quietly exited the room and a few minutes later, she’d barricaded herself in a bathroom stall. Her head braced in her hands as she tried to get a handle on this new, unprecedented situation.

It was true that the first time he’d kissed her, at sixteen, she’d nearly lost her head. At the time, she assumed it was some kind of shock. A trauma response to being suddenly touched in an unfamiliar way. She didn’t like to be touched, normally. Everyone knew that.

Alright, that wasn’t completely true. At least not anymore. Hugging was alright so long as it was amongst friends. She’d come to treasure the snuggles she received in Lamplight. High-fives from adults were usually all she tolerated, but Butch had hugged her more than once and it wasn’t terrible. She actually enjoyed them most of the time. He was always warm and smelled nice and, while he wasn’t quite at her level of hygiene, he was leaps and bounds above pretty much everyone else’s. That was nice. He was just  _ nice, _ was the thing...

She shook her head and refocused on the evidence.

At sixteen, he’d kissed her and, using the skills he’d been honing for years already at that point, had sparked some kind of response in her. That was understandable. Sixteen year olds were right in the thick of puberty, and as she herself had told many a Lamplighter, puberty made you act and feel weird. So that one she was fairly certain she could write off. Which is exactly what she’d done. Dismissed the whole silly nonsense, and a week later she was interning at the clinic and it was all but forgotten.

Until prom night.

Eighteen then. Still in the midst of puberty, though she was forced to admit to herself it had been tapering off. Functionally, her body was that of an adult by then, even if mentally she’d still felt the same as she always had. She’d had a bit of a shock that evening and he’d been extremely kind and attentive through the whole thing. He’d insisted on walking her home, which was annoying at the time, but looking back on it, she appreciated the sincere effort he was making to be a gentleman. Even if he believed he was just faking everything back then, she truly felt this caring, quaintly chivalrous, effortlessly charming version of himself was, in fact, the real Butch. The person he should have been and no doubt  _ would _ have been all along had his parents not failed him so spectacularly.

She’d been around enough babies and toddlers to know that everyone came into the world with their own unique, distinctive personality. Practically from birth, possibly even before that. While it was true that nurture was crucial to development, a person’s true nature would always rise to the surface eventually given the chance. In the odd friendship they’d struck, clearly he’d found that chance and seized upon it. Which was remarkable. Admirable, even, that he would choose to better himself and work to grow rather than succumb to the toxic cycle he’d been raised in.

When he’d kissed her on prom night, she’d actually felt a trifle lightheaded once he released her. Could barely recall wandering back into her room. It hadn’t been until she’d been about to step into the bath that she’d even remembered to go lock the door, even though he’d just told her to. She’d felt shivery and spacy. Couldn’t even focus on the book she’d brought with her. Dropped it right smack in the tub and then had to go toss the thing down the incinerator chute so Daddy wouldn’t find out and fuss at her.

She’d even been a little excited to see him the next day, though she couldn’t say why. Sure, they were friends and all, but she didn’t really get excited to see even Amata unless it was a special occasion. Or Chip. Or anyone else.

He’d been wrapped around Susie in the cafeteria. Swapping saliva as they so often did and oblivious to onlookers. She could still clearly remember the disgust she’d felt when she realized there was a high probability that she now had Susie’s germs in her mouth as well as God only knew who else’s. Jonas had been kind enough to run a full panel on her for any known diseases, just in case. He hadn’t even asked why she wanted it done, though she could tell he’d really wanted to. She’d claimed it was an experiment and he’d graciously accepted the flimsy excuse.

She really missed Jonas. He’d been like an honorary uncle to her as long as she could remember. Always there with a smile and a joke. Taking the time to listen to her whenever her father was too busy.

Tears filled her eyes and she angrily wiped them away with a piece of toilet paper. This was ridiculous. She’d already mourned Jonas. Ages ago. She’d even shared that burden with Maya and her Atomite brethren after arriving in Megaton. Their religion was still an unknowable concept to her, but their united kindness had been a great comfort.

Her feelings on that night, so long ago, could also be dismissed as a silly hormonal blip on her otherwise smooth radar screen. Just a little anomaly. Butch was very talented in the bedroom arts, from everything she’d heard. Highly sought after, even. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he could evoke a reaction from even her. After all, she wasn’t made of stone, or ice as everyone back then assumed. She was a biologically typical human being with a working autonomic nervous system. Surely some things could be assigned to simple biology. No great mystery there. Just… stimulus and response. As natural as rain.

As for tonight… she worried the inside of her cheek for a moment, thinking. Taking in a deep, calming breath and letting it out nice and slow as she concentrated on finding the simplest scientifically sound reason for her completely ridiculous, runaway reaction to less than thirty seconds of active stimulation.

She could do this. Just had to focus. It was difficult to get a handle on her thoughts, but that probably had something to do with how tired she was. A very large, lazy part of her wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and set all this aside until morning, but the rest of her knew better. If she tried that, she’d do nothing but lay there in agony, painfully aware of his overwhelming presence.

Even now, she was distracted at the way her skin smelled like his. She must have been laying there a while for how saturated she felt. At least it had been comfortable though. Butch wasn’t overly hairy like so many men seemed to be and that was nice. His skin was actually very smooth. Warm and pleasant under her cheek until the shenanigans had begun.

Or maybe they’d already began and she just hadn’t noticed it yet?

The door opened outside her stall and she stilled. Not that she’d been moving much to begin with, but she practically stopped breathing. Two sets of footsteps and chatter. She tried to figure out who it was, but they must have been recent recruits. She didn’t recognize either voice. They sounded young but not that young. Initiates or possibly newly minted scribes. They usually pulled third shift.

“Did you catch that match between Danse and Knight Lane?”

“No! I was asleep! I can’t believe I missed that! It’s all anybody is talking about!”

“It was  _ amazing. _ Dusk recorded the whole thing.”

“Think she’d let me borrow the holo?”

“Of course she would. You know how she is about having proof that women are just as good as the men around here. She’s probably going to plant copies all over the place.”

“Ha! She should! That’d stick it in Colvin’s craw.”

“Right? Lane is  _ crazy, _ though. You’ve seen Danse, right?”

She snickered, “Oh, yeah, we’ve  _ all _ seen Danse.”

“Well, next to him, she looked like… it was like watching a super mutant come at a baby molerat, I shit you not.”

“Jeez.”

“From what I heard, Sarah set the whole thing up to try and get the squires’ courage up, you know? But I mean… I don’t think  _ I _ would have been comfortable stepping into a ring with a guy  _ that _ big. Yeesh.”

“Nah, Lane wouldn’t have cared how big he was. She’s fearless. Have you ever actually tried to talk to her?”

She scoffed, “No. Everybody says she’s some super genius. What the heck am I supposed to say to somebody like that? Hi, I’m from a bumfuck settlement nobody’s ever heard of and I didn’t even know how to read until I showed up here! Yeah. Sure. That’d make a great first impression.”

“No, she’s a sweetheart.  _ Scary _ and all, but a sweetheart. All the kids love her. She’s just very  _ intense, _ you know? Especially if you ask her a question. It’s like she knows everything about everything, but not in a bad way? I dunno. It’s weird. It’d be annoying on anybody else, but she kinda reminds me of this old lady we had in Rivet City when I was growing up. She knew a ton of stuff, too, and could answer any question you had, and then she’d give you a snack cake. It was nice.” She laughed, “It’s almost like Lane’s a grandma stuffed into a kid’s body.”

“Pfft. She can’t be  _ that _ much of a grandma. Did you see the guy she showed up with yet?”

“No, but the word’s everywhere. Apparently he's quite the specimen.”

“That he is. Damn. I mean, she intimidates the hell outta me, but I still wanted to go give her a high five for snagging a guy like that. He looks like a movie star. Like from the old days.”

“Oh, stop. He does not.”

“He does, too! I’m telling you! He’s got this hair and these eyes and he’s…” She laughed, “Okay, even  _ Kodiak _ said he looks like he’s built like a bull, and you know how picky he is.”

“Dang. I might have to stay up extra late just to see him.”

“Wait ‘til you see how he walks. It’s all… I dunno, James Dean, kinda.”

“He walks like James Dean?”

“No, it’s like he walks like you would think James Dean walks.”

“What?”

“It’s hard to explain. You’ll see.”

“Well, I have to now, don’t I? I feel like I’m really missing out here.”

“Brando!”

“What?”

“Marlon Brando. You know who that is?”

“Uh…”

_ “The Wild One?” _

“Hmm.”

_ “Guys and Dolls?” _

“No, never seen it.”

“Oh!  _ A Streetcar Named Desire! _ Stella!” She whisper-yelled the last bit and the other girl gasped.

_ “Oh! _ Oh, yes! I know who that… holy  _ shit, _ that’s who he looks like?!”

“Yup. Dead on. Except he’s got these eyes that are just…  _ wow.  _ Still blue, but brighter. Think like sky blue kinda. And  _ magnetic. _ He winked at me over his shades when I said hi and I swear to God I giggled like I was thirteen or something. I just couldn’t help myself.”

“Damn. Get it, Lane!”

“I know! I’m weirdly proud of her. Like I don’t really know her, and we’ve never talked, but I am  _ proud!” _

“It’s like she bagged him for all of us.”

“Yes! Exactly! The Sisterhood of Steel is stronger for her accomplishments.”

Their laughter followed them out and Abby frowned thoughtfully. It seemed Elder Lyons wasn’t the only person who’d misinterpreted their relationship. Had Butch already charmed the entirety of the Brotherhood of Steel to the point of worship? They hadn’t even been around him twenty-four hours and already people were giggling and gossiping over him like Susie and Christine used to.

And Kodiak showing interest kind of made their talk earlier on the benches make a bit more sense now. Maybe he was trying to figure out if Butch was available or not. She sighed ruefully. The two of them would be an interesting combination, but she was fairly certain Butch only had eyes for the ladies. At least, she’d never heard of him with other men. Then again, who knew, really? It had been two years.

Oh, but he had that mystery lady. She shook her head and tsked at herself. She’d nearly forgotten.

Abby groaned and set her head back in her hands. That made it all  _ worse, _ though, didn’t it? He was probably happily dreaming about that woman, and there she was experiencing highly inappropriate feelings. It was _sick._ She was a terrible person for doing something like that to a friend.

One of the girls had called him magnetic. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was just a naturally captivating person with loads of animal magnetism. Anyone would have been affected by that. Especially coming out of a distressing nightmare like she just had.

Then again, even in that terrible dreamscape, he’d been the only one to reach out to her. The only one to try and help her. The relief she’d felt in those final seconds before she woke was undeniable. It had felt like being rescued.

Her head came up suddenly and she snapped her fingers as it came to her.  _ Pheromones! _ Of course. Good lord, she was silly. All this fuss and panic over something so banal and primitive. Goodness gracious.

She could have been laying on him for ages by then. No doubt forced into that undignified position by his considerable bulk taking up most of the bed. It had probably been merely a matter of survival. Climb to safety or be crushed.

And they’d both been overheated. Sweating in the already warm room. She’d been pressed directly against his chest. Face angled right towards his armpit, which as everyone knew was practically the epicenter of pheromone production in humans.

She chuckled to herself as she exited the stall. Of all the silly things to get upset over. This was right up there with that time she’d cried over Andy messing up her birthday cake when she was ten. It was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous. She couldn’t help what her unconscious brain did. Nobody could, really. Abby washed her hands and splashed cold water on her face for good measure. She felt refreshed and clearheaded again.

The solution here was simple. All she had to do was make sure she stayed turned towards the wall. That way she couldn’t get caught up in some biochemically induced confusion again. Problem solved.

She slipped back into the small room and allowed herself a moment for her eyes to adjust. Blinking as things started to take indistinct shapes in the soft glow of her PipBoy. Butch was now snoring slightly. His upper body leaning towards the floor like he’d almost rolled over, but hadn’t quite managed. That was perfect. She could slip back in behind him and he’d never have to know about this nonsense.

The climb into bed proved a little precarious until she gave up trying to be stealthy and simply stepped over his prone form. Apparently he was a deep sleeper. By the time she got settled back on her side, she was pretty sure not even another apocalypse could have woken him. Abby dutifully faced the wall and tucked her foot between the mattress and the cool plaster. There. Now she wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally encroaching on his space in her sleep and the wall provided a soothing heat sink to boot. This was all going to work out just fine. Her eyes slipped shut and the strangely comforting sound of Butch’s breathing soon had her slipping back down into dreamland. She was only vaguely aware of the heavy arm draping itself over her waist, or the warm breath on the back of her neck. A small, involuntary smile crossed her face and was smoothed away by sleep overtaking her.

* * *

Before he was aware of anything else, before he even opened his eyes, Butch was certain he was still dreaming.

Otherwise how on earth could anyone explain the soft skin under his hand. That unmistakable warm scent of blooming flowers and perfect serenity surrounding him. The improbably silky curls tickling his face.

He’d had this dream before. More times than he could count. The idea of waking up with Abby Lane in his arms had been an impossible fantasy since before he even understood why he wanted her in his bed in the first place. As a kid, he’d daydreamed endless incredible scenarios that would somehow get her here.

She shifted back against him, murmuring happily as her hand found his and rested over it. Butch smiled at the sound but didn’t dare try to open his eyes. He knew how this would go. He’d open them and wake up in the real world. And in the real world, Abby being vulnerable and loving with somebody like him just wasn’t going to happen.

So he'd just stay in this little bubble of make-believe for as long as he possibly could. It’s not like he really needed to see her, after all. He could already picture her in his mind’s eye with perfect clarity.

There had been a long period of time when he’d preferred dream-Abby to the actual her. Dream-Abby was always happy to see him. Always cuddly. Always eager and willing. Back in his early teens, he’d convinced himself he was just into how she looked. Or maybe it was just a forbidden fruit kinda thing. That wanting to hook up with her and not being able to was the only reason visions of her visited him night after night. Which, in retrospect, was incredibly stupid.

She’d looked like some little kid right up until the day she walked into tenth grade homeroom sporting one of the perkiest, nicest racks he’d ever seen. Just magically happened overnight like God had finally gotten off His ass and decided to answer one of his prayers. She’d gone from flat as a board to downright shapely. Susie had immediately started a rumor that she was stuffing her bra, but it didn’t go anywhere. Everybody knew better. Anybody with the smallest lick of sense could see Abby was clearly uncomfortable with her developments.

He personally watched her pitch a very quiet fit in the library when she went to reach for a book and her newly minted bosom had pushed a bunch off the shelf below. If it weren’t for the signs plastered everywhere demanding people keep a lid on it, he was pretty sure she’d have blown her top. Instead she’d just turned bright red and shelved the fallen books with extreme prejudice, mumbling to herself the whole time and occasionally stamping her little foot in aggravation.

It was cute. Just like everything else she’d ever done. He’d found himself further enamored with her for being so adorably self-conscious and awkward over something most girls her age had dealt with years prior. Not to mention, he’d really appreciated how tight her vault suits had fit her during that week before she’d been forced to concede that she did actually need a more accommodating size now that she had curves. There’d been moments when he was so sure the seams would burst that he could taste it, but no dice. Whoever had designed the stupid things had apparently known their shit.

Dream-Abby had changed to reflect her inspiration’s newfound splendor, which is when he’d finally realized that no, it wasn’t that he wanted to bang her just so he could say he’d done it. It was that he wanted _ her.  _ All of her. Body, brain, heart, all of it. His dreams, both asleep and awake, had shifted a little after that. Softer. Not so much porn as a lot of fluffy, stupid scenes of him saving her from some disaster and her being oh-so-grateful. Sometimes she’d be hurt in some minor way. A sprained ankle or whatever, and he’d come in all heroic. Sweep her up off her feet and carry her to safety while she told him how great he was. Silly stuff, really.

Silly then and sillier now. Abby was no damsel in distress, and he was thankful for that. If she’d been half as helpless as the pretend-her, she’d have died about five minutes out of the vault. Instead she’d gone out and literally conquered the wasteland. Stepped right up and browbeat the whole place into submission with her dogged stubbornness and that terrifying fixation she had for always doing the right thing.

That was amazing. He was crazy proud of her for that. He didn’t even know why, since he’d had nothing whatsoever to do with it, but he was. His fragile, dainty little angel with the delicate constitution had been reborn in blood and chaos into an unstoppable force for good. A true wasteland valkyrie. Sheltering the weak and slaughtering the wicked. She didn’t need a protector or a savior. She  _ was _ one.

That kinda bothered him sometimes. He’d grown up assuming she’d always need somebody around to keep her safe. Somebody big and strong like him. He felt like he didn’t really have anything else to bring to the table here. She’d been smarter than him since day one. She was already way better at surviving. Already had a head start on him getting used to living in this world. She was even a better shot. People were already cowed by the reputation she’d earned taking out the Enclave so it’s not like she needed a bodyguard or whatever. He’d actually seen raiders take notice of them coming on her bike and run away long before they ever got anywhere near close enough for his rifle to be useful.

She was better read. Knew more about music. Had seen more movies. Played card games he’d never even heard of. Talked about shit he couldn’t wrap his head around if he had a year to study up on it. Had way cooler stories about the shit she’d done and seen, too.

Other than cooking, which she already had a robot for, and occasionally lifting something too heavy for her to manage without a pulley system, he kinda felt useless. He could disappear out of her life tomorrow and it probably wouldn’t even phase her. She might feel a little bummed for a while, but she’d go right back to doin’ the stuff she always did. That kinda… sucked, actually. It sucked. Knowing she was absolutely essential to his well-being but he was probably lower on her totem pole than the damn dog  _ sucked. _

But she’d been different lately. In a new way than she’d already been before. A little more talkative. She definitely laughed easier, or maybe he was just finally figuring out her sense of humor. She’d actually called him nice and handsome and creative. Charming, even. Best friends.

And that should be enough. It _was_ enough. As long as he got to be by her side, he didn’t care if she never looked his way. Just so long as she never looked any other jerk’s way, either.

He scowled at himself and pulled dream-Abby a little closer, breathing in the sweet smell of her and letting it soothe his ruffled temper like it always did. That kinda thinking was messed up. He shouldn’t begrudge her happiness like that if she ever found it. The idea of some other guy being her one and only hurt, yeah, but it was still better than the idea of her growing old all alone. Nobody but her pet and her robot for company. He knew better than anybody how she was. Without somebody around to remind her there was a whole world out there beyond just her work, she’d never stop. People would keep asking her to save the day and she’d always answer that call. It just wasn’t in her to turn away from someone in need like that.

Hell, even that night when she found him in Rivet City, he’d pissed her off bad enough that she’d been happy to leave him to rot. Right up until he fell up the stairs like some kinda clown and she’d rushed to his side. It was a compulsion. That drive to help others at all costs. It was gonna get her killed some day, no two ways about it.

Dream-Abby mumbled something in her sleep, restlessly shifting in his arms. That was new. She’d never talked in her sleep before. Of course, usually he was doing a lot more than just holding her by this point. Maybe that was the difference.

Butch nuzzled against her hair. Working his way down until his lips brushed against her skin. She shivered and a quiet sort of whimper escaped her. He chuckled and slowly ran his hand up her torso. She was as beautifully sensitive and responsive as ever, squirming at his touch in a way that, jeans or no, had him groaning. Skin so soft and perfect it couldn’t possibly be real. He splayed his fingers out, trying to touch as much of it as possible, but paused just as his hand brushed against the underside of her breasts. Her heart was skipping along, doing that worrisome fluttering thing again.

It didn’t happen as much out in the wastes. She’d told him humans weren’t meant to live in places they could never see the sun. That VDS could do a number on a person and that most of her anxiety had actually gone away once she was free from the confines of the vault. The fits that had been a fairly common occurrence in her life had dropped off almost entirely once she was exposed to blue skies and fresh breezes.

Dream-Abby had only ever had those fits following prom night, when he’d nursed the real her through one. They then became his brain’s injury  _ du jour _ for her to be inflicted with. Lots of creative ways to steal her breath away and calm her heart and all. But she’d never had one once they were already in bed. That kinda defeated the whole purpose, didn’t it?

Confused, he finally opened his eyes. It was dark. That was wrong, too. He could always see her in his dreams. Always. Either by candlelight or the stars or something.

Butch raised up a little on his elbow, careful to not disturb the fantasy girl using his forearm for a pillow. No matter how much he blinked, the room remained pitch black. He frowned and glanced around, turning to check behind him and his eyes finally landed on the PipBoy.

Abby’s PipBoy. The little mascot cheerfully snoozing away in its stupid cartoon. Little Z’s streaming above it’s head. The same sleep mode his own PipBoy had, except hers had a crystal clear, meticulously maintained screen, unlike his own.

Dream-Abby didn’t have a PipBoy. She barely ever even wore clothes, let alone accessories. He was awake. This was  _ real. _

Now that his eyes had identified a source of light in the room, no matter how weak, he was able to see her a little once he turned. Just the faintest hint of an outline in the dark. Curls etched in a greenish hue. His eyes slid down her body. The nightshirt was pushed up to her chest. His hand spanning her ribcage. She looked so tiny this way. So helpless and frail. He snatched his hand away, suddenly afraid he’d inadvertently hurt her somehow. Bruised her or tried to hold on too tightly in his sleep.

Butch did his best to tug down her shirt back to a respectable place, but most of it had somehow gotten tucked under her so that was kind of a bust. She was still murmuring to herself. Her hands occasionally twitching as she shifted and her breathing became uneven. Dreaming. She was dreaming about something.

He slowly leaned back, trying to pull his arm out from under her with a hand on her head to keep her from moving with him. Abby pouted in her sleep, rolling towards him unexpectedly and he froze as she settled against his chest. One small hand slipping around to hold him close while she snuggled against him. Her legs tangled with his and he had to fight to keep from cursing out loud.

He was well and truly  _ fucked. _ Completely trapped in a way that, with any other girl, would’ve been fine. Hell, more than fine, even. So far as his body was concerned, there was still a party to be had here. But there  _ wasn’t.  _ This was the wrong place, wrong time, wrong situation for this kinda thing. Abby would murder him if she woke up half naked pressed up against him the way she was, and he’d be mortified enough to let her.

Why the hell did he ever agree to taking his damn shirt off in the first place? Now he had to deal with the tickling feel of her breath on his skin. The way her body felt so nice and cool compared to the inferno he currently found himself engulfed in. The ice to his fire, just like she’d always been. It just felt right. _Destined._ Like it had always been meant to be.

Except it wasn’t, dammit. She’d said so herself. That whole gene matching thing had been a lie. She was new blood to an old vault, so of course the system would pair her off with everybody. They could’ve typed in any asshole’s name and she would’ve been pinged.

Whatever dream had upset her soon faded away. She settled down with a sigh and looked so damn peaceful and perfect tucked up against him that he abruptly decided to give up trying to escape. He was pretty sure this stolen moment was well worth whatever ass-chewing was no doubt headed his way. Butch brushed the hair off her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead before easing back down into his original position.

He kept his hands to himself this time though. Sat his free one up on his hip for good measure. It was awkward and felt wrong to not have it wrapped around her, but this was probably his safest bet for surviving her wrath once she woke. She was still shit at telling when somebody was lying to her face or not, and he was mostly committed to playing dumb when she stirred suddenly and started to wake. Panic shot through him and he immediately shut his eyes, desperately trying to breathe nice and even and slow so she’d think he was still asleep.

Abby slowly blinked a few times as her brain sluggishly tried to bring her up to speed on her current whereabouts. She was overly warm again. Pressed up against something that radiated heat like a furnace. She took a deep, calming breath and instantly knew. That distinct scent of aftershave, pomade, leather and the slightest hint of stale tobacco. The same one that had gotten her through some of the scariest months of her life following her flight from the vault.

Butch. Somehow her perfect plan had failed and she’d gravitated back to his side of the bed like an asteroid pulled into the sun. Once again completely her fault. She could feel his arm under her and wrinkled her nose when the inevitable aggravation at herself came. All the sleepovers she’d had with little Bryan Wilks or the children of Lamplight, she’d always ended up being snuggled to death. Always woke up with a child clinging to her. And that was fine. She understood perfectly well what it was like to not have parents. How scary and adrift one could feel. So she’d happily indulged them.

It had never once occurred to her that she herself would be the cuddly sort if given the chance.

She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. There was no denying it. Even with the nightmare and everything that came after, this was the best night of sleep she’d had since… ever. Years, at least. She felt well-rested and ready to face the day, despite the stack of medical appointment requests a good eighteen inches high waiting for her in the infirmary. Maybe there really was something to being held through the night that helped. It was still embarrassing, though. Such behavior in a child was natural and understandable. An adult acting that way was just… silly.

Her stupid nightgown had ridden up again and she jerked it back down. If they were going to repeat this arrangement tonight, she was definitely wearing shorts. Her PipBoy was still in sleep mode and she carefully leaned over Butch’s sleeping form to nudge the volume dial. The screen flashed over to the alarm clock and she scowled at the time.

“Goddammit.”

“Hmm?” Butch stirred and yawned hugely. “Whassit? What’s happening?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I’m… it’s all good.” He sat up and stretched, “What time is it?”

She huffed, “Ten minutes until my alarm goes off.”

“Aw, that sucks. I hate it when that happens.”

“Right? It’s so annoying!”

“You do that a lot?”

Abby sighed, “Yes. Daddy told me once that it’s because I get so anxious about sleeping through the alarm my brain wakes me up before it becomes an issue.”

“Hmm.” He rubbed the back of his neck and finally grinned at her, “Well, I guess we’re up anyway. So whatcha wanna do with the extra ten minutes?”

She frowned back at the obvious innuendo and tried to not let her mind wander back to what had happened during the night. “Is that really all it takes? Ten minutes?”

“Pfft, no. I could probably get  _ you _ there in under ten, but it takes the Butch-man a little longer, if you know what I mean.”

“No, I actually don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh. Nevermind then.”

Of course, now her shameless nocturnal behavior was literally all she could think about. Wasn’t that just the way? “Did you sleep alright?”

“What? Yeah. Yeah, I slept like a baby. You?”

Her cheeks felt warm and she was grateful for the darkness, “It was fine.”

“Am I crazy or are you particularly chirpy this mornin’? You sound like a cartoon.”

“I do not!”

“Alright, Miss Mouse. Whatever you say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune." - Carl Jung
> 
> VDS is Vault Depressive Syndrome, a canonically documented condition afflicting residents of 101. Standard treatments included large doses of anti-anxiety medication, which James disagreed strongly with. Freddie and Stanley both suffer from it in FO3, those theirs looks a lot more like actual depression IMHO.


	12. Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.

Abby sighed and tried to maintain her utmost professionally disinterested expression. “Knight Cruz, I understand your reluctance to answer the question, but I’m afraid I really do need one. I can assure you that anything you say will remain strictly confidential.” She set aside his chart and dropped her pen on the tray with it before holding up her hands. “There. See? I’m not even going to write it down.”

“You _ have  _ to know? Can’t you just write me a prescription or whatever?”

“I’m afraid not. Different things respond to different treatments.”

“I just need antibiotics though, right?”

“Right, but you could need a specific kind of antibiotic depending upon where the infection came from.” She tsked at him, “I’m not asking to satisfy some morbid curiosity, Knight. I’m asking as your doctor.”

“Oh. Right.” The young man fidgeted his stool and stared at the floor. “It was a ghoul.”

“An actual ghoul or a feral? I know the Brotherhood sometimes has trouble telling the difference.”

“An actual ghoul. Do… do you need a name?”

“That would be helpful as they may also require treatment.”

He sighed heavily, “It uh… it was this girl I saw one day while we were out on patrol. I came back after my shift and --”

She held up her hand to stop him, “I’m sure it’s quite the romantic tale, however all I require is a name, please.”

“Willow. She said her name was Willow. No last name.”

She scoffed,  _ “Willow.” _

“You know her?”

“Yes, I know her.”

Of course she knew her. Had a terrible habit of romancing random passersby during guard duty outside of Underworld. That, combined with an inexplicable preference for caravaneers, meant she was one of her best customers for custom mixed antibiotics. Most ghouls were functionally immune to STDs, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be carriers. Normally Willow loathed the Brotherhood, so this was either a one off kind of deal or she just did it on purpose and thought it was funny. In either case, now she’d have to get a list of humans to go track down before she had an epidemic on her hands. Fantastic.

“She was… y’know, nice.”

Yes, yes, she’s very nice.” She picked up her pen again and took out her prescription pad. “I think a simple penicillin regiment should do it. Fourteen days, twice daily. It’s going to upset your stomach, so try to eat before you take each pill.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And if the discharge persists, let Sawbones know. I’ll leave instructions that you’re to have a more powerful drug if further treatment is needed.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

“M’hmm.” She ripped off the page and held it back when he reached for it so she could administer the scoldy part of his treatment. “And let this be a lesson to you, young man. The Brotherhood provides free condoms here at the clinic for more than one reason. Just because you can’t get your partner pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t get each other sick. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

“See that it doesn’t.” Abby pressed the paper into his hand. “Remember. Respect yourself, protect yourself.”

Deep color seeped into his cheeks and he nodded, “Y-yes, ma’am.”

“Dismissed.” She scribbled a few final notes in his chart and then rose with a groan to go file it away in the ‘seen’ pile. She was nearly halfway through her caseload already, which was nice. A glance at the clock had her sighing. Lunch wouldn’t be an option though. Not if she wanted to get to everyone so they could leave first thing in the morning.

Once Cruz’s folder was safely tucked away, she turned to the Mister Gusty hovering nearby. “I’m ready for our next patient, Sawbones.”

“Oh, she’s ready for the next patient. Well, la-di-da.”

Abby closed the filing cabinet and leaned back against it, “What’s happened now? Was someone disrespectful to you again?”

“I just think it’s disgusting the things you fleshbags will stick your appendages into!”

“Oh, that.” She shrugged, “I must confess I don’t understand it, either.”

“And then  _ I _ have to deal with the fluids!”

She nodded along with his ranting, “Yes, I know. I find it quite unpleasant, too.”

“Hmph.”

“Would you like me to disinfect you again?”

“No, no, it’s fine.” He waved his pincer arm, “You know, Lane, if I were free to kill all of you squishy meatsacks like I want, you might be the only one I’d spare.”

“Thank you, Sawbones. That’s a very kind thing to say.”

“Might have to rough you up some though, just on principle.”

“M’hmm. Okay. So… next patient?”

“I’m on it.” He floated over to the door and opened it, resuming the false demeanor of a devoted, perfectly functioning robo-medic again. “Please state the nature of the medical emergency.”

“Sure. The doc gets a little tippy in her teacups if she doesn’t eat. I brought her lunch.”

“Do you have an appointment or not, maggot?”

“Oh! Sawbones! That’s my uh… assistant. He doesn’t need an appointment.”

“Hmph.” He begrudgingly let him pass, “Name, rank, serial number.”

“Uh… Butch DeLoria, civilian, and my Vault-Tec number was 027-F65.”

_ “Another _ vault dweller? You people multiply like radroaches.”

“Yeah, that was kinda the idea.”

Abby gave him an apologetic smile, “You didn’t have to bring me lunch.”

“Well nobody else seemed like they were gonna do it, and you’ve got about a mile’s worth of jerks waiting on you outside, so I figured I should.” He hopped up on the nearby gurney and fished out a few kebabs from the sack he’d brought. “Here. You like these, right?”

“I do!” She happily accepted them and bit into the crispy meat. “You can eat them one handed. They’re very efficient.”

“Uh-huh. You ain’t even gonna ask what it is, are you?”

“Protein is protein.”

“Pssh.” He popped a piece into his mouth and chewed for a minute, looking around at the gloomy room. “Place feels like a morgue.”

“That’s the idea, soldier!”

She rolled her eyes, “Oh, Sawbones, stop it. He’s only teasing, Butch.”

“I rescind my previous offer of mercy, Lane. You did it to yourself.”

“M'kay.” Abby sat back at her desk, “So what are you up to today? I saw Paladin Glade snatch you up after breakfast.”

“Yeah.” He grinned, “Guy’s pretty cool. He let me test out his Gatling laser. It was _ sweet.  _ Never fired a gun that big in my life.”

“Without power armor?”

A sulky look crossed his face, “Yeah, they won’t let me have a suit. I asked. They said I gotta join to get one. Like I’mma fall for that bullshit. Carrot on a stick doesn’t work on this guy.”

“I’m impressed you could even lift it on your own. They weigh a ton.”

He laughed, “It’s like... twenty pounds tops. Jeez, nosebleed. Lift a weight once in a while.”

She huffed, “Oh, like I have time for that.”

“Glade said after lunch he’d take me down to the waterfront so I can see what it can do to mirelurks. I guess they’re having problems with ‘em nesting and shit. So I’m gonna help clear out a few.”

“Well, it’s summer. That’s when they’re the most active.” She nibbled on a kebab thoughtfully, “You know, you don’t have to do anything like that if you don’t want to. They get rather used to ordering people around here, so if Glade --”

“Nah, it didn’t go down like that. I wanna do it. It’s cool.”

“Oh, okay.” He said it was fine but she still felt weird about it. “You’ll be careful, of course.”

“Sure I will. Got a bunk with a hot ticket in it waitin’ for me, right?” He waggled his eyebrows at her until she laughed. “Actually… I kinda wanted to talk to you about that.”

Her heart leapt in her chest and then fell into her stomach. Oh, God. Was this it? Is this what being busted felt like? “About sleeping?”

“No, more about uh… well, a couple of the guys were askin’ me some stuff and I kinda realized it might not just be the Elder who thinks we’re a thing.” He winced a bit, “I wasn’t gonna say nothin’, but I don’t want people runnin’ their mouths on you or anything. Plus, I dunno how you wanna play it so I figured I'd ask.”

“Oh.” Sweet relief washed over her and she nodded, “Well… to be honest, I already knew.”

“You did?”

“M’hmm. I went to the bathroom last night and heard a couple of girls talking about it.”

“Oh. Word travels fast, I guess, and no word travels as quick as a lie.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a  _ lie.  _ It’s more like just a misunderstanding.” She shrugged, “It doesn’t bother me if people talk. If it bothers you, though, then I’ll make an announcement or something, I guess.”

He snorted, “Why would it bother me?”

“Well, I’m sure I don’t know.” She fished a Nuka out from her desk drawer and took a sip, “They were very enamored of you, by the way.”

“Who?”   


“The girls from last night. According to them, everyone is quite taken with you.”

“Oh. Ech. That’s flattering and all, but I’m not really into the whole military thing, to be honest.”

Abby suddenly realized she hadn’t actually seen or heard of Butch hooking up with anyone since they’d begun traveling together and smiled at him. “Are you saving yourself for your mystery lady?”

“What? Nah, I just… I mean, I told you. As things stand right now, that ain’t gonna happen. I just… I dunno. Now that I really know for certain what I want, I just don’t feel like bein’ with anybody else.”

“You’re like Lancelot.”

“Huh?”

“Lancelot would only sleep with his true love, Guinevere. There’s a story where a man tricked him into sleeping with his daughter and he nearly kills her when he realizes she isn’t his beloved, but she tells him she’s going to have his son, Galahad, so he spares her. Then he returns to court so he can be with Guinevere again.”

“Wasn’t Guinevere married to King Arthur though?”

“Yes, she was.”

“Hmm. I dunno if I’m okay with this comparison.”

She rolled her eyes, “It was meant to be a compliment.”

“Oh, okay. Well, thanks then.”

“You’re welcome.” Her eyes narrowed as she studied him, “You know, I think they were right. You do kind of look like Marlon Brando.”

Butch almost choked on a bite, “W-what?!”

“The girls from last night. They said you looked like Marlon Brando.”

“Seriously? Brando?”

“Yes.”

“And you agree with that?”

“Yes.”

“Heh.” He grinned at his boots and almost looked bashful for a moment. “You finally fallin’ for me, angel?”

“I was just stating facts.”

“Hmm… that ain’t a no.”

Abby rolled her eyes and tossed her skewer into the trash, “Why do you always want everyone to be in love with you?”

“Not everyone, sweetheart.” He hopped off the gurney and set the bag on her desk. “Make sure you eat some more of those, alright? You’re already a little twig. If you skip a few meals, you’re liable to disappear altogether.”

“Oh, I will not.”

Butch frowned thoughtfully and carefully moved a curl on the top of her head, “There. That’s been drivin’ me nuts. Alright! I’m off. Try not to work too hard.”

“Oh. Okay. Have fun.”

“Yup!” He bounced out the door and startled her when he poked his head back in not two seconds later. “Hey.”

“What?”

“I’ll see you for dinner, alright? Eight sharp.”

She stared at him until she realized heat was flooding into her face and had to look away. “Okay.”

“It’s a date.”

By the time she worked up enough nerve to look up, he was already gone. “Okay…”

Sawbones turned the volume on his voice modulator way, way up and played his throat clearing sound audio file, waiting to speak until she turned to look at him. _ “Disgusting.” _

“What’s disgusting?”

“You! I thought you were above all that gross fluid swapping your kind engages in.”

“I’m… what? No. Butch and I aren’t together. We don’t do things like that.”

“Bullshit.”

“It is not!”

He floated over to her and ran his diagnostic scan, “Elevated heart rate and temperature. Your face is flushed and you’re breathing at twenty-five breaths per minute, which is higher than your average --”

“I did not consent to being scanned. Please stop.”

“Pfft. Fine. Have it your way.”

“I’m… we’re not… I’m just flustered today. That’s all.”

“Something happen to that ice in your veins? You know that was your most redeemable quality, Lane.”

“Not really. I just had a nightmare last night. A bad one."

“Oh. Trauma related?”

“Yes.”

"Worse than the usual?"

"I wouldn't call it worse. Just… different."

“Oh.” He quietly contemplated her situation for a moment before bobbing an eyestalk at her, “Well, then I apologize. Battle fatigue is no laughing matter. You have been through the wringer and better men than you would’ve succumbed to all that, so… I’m sorry.”

Abby smiled, “That might be the first time you’ve actually apologized and meant it.”

“It is, so be grateful.”

“I am. Thank you, Sawbones.”

“Next patient?”

“Next patient.”

The next eight hours crawled by at a glacial pace for some reason. Even once she finished with her stack of requests, Sarah came along and shepherded her over to the elder’s quarters so he could have a proper checkup. Abby was busy testing his reflexes when his hand came to rest on her head and she looked up.

“Elder?”

“My Marie.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Sarah sighed and gently removed his hand, “No, Dad. That’s Knight Lane.”

She smiled at him and then turned to the sentinel. “I have to grab my ophthalmoscope. Would you mind helping me find it?”

“Sure.”

She pretended to dig through her doctor’s bag and lowered her voice, “Who is Marie?”

“That was my mom. Died before we came out here. She was a scribe. Medic corps.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry. I guess she kind of looked like you.”

“No, it’s alright. Listen, if he’s having delusions that aren’t hurting anybody, it’s best to just go along with it. Otherwise he’ll get upset and more confused than he already is.”

“So if he thinks I’m five years old again…”

“You should let him. Yes. But if he were to… oh, I don’t know, order an attack on the water purifier to clear it of mutants that are no longer there --”

“Then I say no?”

“Then you distract him. Tell him it’ll get done and then ask him to go over rosters or approve a new power armor design or something.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“He really should retire. You know that.”

“I can’t ask him to step down.”

“I understand that, but you need to know, I don’t think he’s long for this world. You should be prepared to assume power.”

“I know. I am.”

“Okay.”

“Marie! Come here.”

Abby gave her a pat on the shoulder and smiled, “It’s going to be okay… daughter.”

Sarah snorted, “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m coming, Owyn.” Abby went back to the elder’s side and tilted his face up, “Can I take a look at your eyes, please?”

“Hmm. Well since you asked so nicely, okay.”

“Thank you.”

“We have a few scribes call out sick?”

“Um… yes.”

“Ah. Well, it’s good to see you back at work. I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away.”

“Yes, you did. Look up, please.” She peered into his pupils and frowned. Something was off there. A cursory dilation check with her hand confirmed it and she sighed. “Owyn?”

“M’hmm?”

“Have you felt funny lately?”

“What?" He thumped his chest and grumped, "No, I’m healthy as a brahmin.”

“Of course you are, but you’re sure there’s been nothing strange? Nothing at all?”

“Well… now that you mention it, I do keep dropping things.” He tutted, “Probably just nervous about the trip out east.”

“Right. I’m sure that’s all it is.”

“So I’m cleared for duty, doc?”

“Almost.” She held up her hand, “Can you hold my hand for a moment?”

The grin on his face made him look at least ten years younger. “Do a lot more than that once my shift is up.”

“I bet you will, but for right now, may I have your hand, please?”

“Sure.” His hand slipped into hers and squeezed. “There. How’s that?”

“Perfect. Now the other one?”

He squeezed with the left and looked up at her, eyes twinkling. “Did Tristan agree to babysit?”

“Of course he did.”

“So we’re still on for tonight?”

“Absolutely.”

“You’ll wear the green, right? You always look so pretty in green.”

“Anything you want.” She kissed his forehead and stepped back. “But right now I have to finish my rounds, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you take a nap for a bit.”

“Haha, you really want me firing on all cylinders tonight, huh?”

“Um… yes. Yes, I do.”

“Well, what the lady wants, she shall have!”

Abby laughed, “Alright. Goodnight, Owyn.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

She gathered her things, stepped out of his room and waited for Sarah to join her, “Have you noticed the weakness on his right side?”

“I noticed he hasn’t been wandering as much… and he was telling the truth about dropping things. He’s gone through five coffee mugs in the past week.”

“Sarah, I’m afraid he’s had a stroke. Or possibly a series of strokes.”

“What? What’s that mean?”

“It means we’re getting near the end a little sooner than I had thought.”

“Oh, God.” She stared bleakly at his door. “I don’t know if we’re ready for this. I mean, I’m ready, but everybody else? I dunno.”

“It’ll be alright. We’re going to get through this.”

“Is there nothing we can do?”

She shook her head, “All we can do at this point is keep him comfortable. I’d spend as much time as you possibly can with him. If there was ever something you wanted to ask or anything, now’s the time.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, “Thanks, Abby. For everything. Taking care of Dad like this and… you know, your discretion and all.”

“Of course. I love Elder Lyons. He’s a good man. He deserves as much dignity as we can maintain for him in his final days.”

“Yeah.”

She gave her a quick hug. Sarah was technically her superior officer, but Abby was pretty sure under the circumstances, she wouldn’t mind. “He’s lived a long and amazing life.”

“That he has.”

“I’ll be here until morning if you need me.”

“Okay. Thanks, Lane.”

“No problem”

“By the way, I like your hair. It’s a lot closer to standard this way.”

She laughed, “Cross said the same thing.”

“Your boyfriend’s a barber, huh?”

“Oh, he’s…” Explaining how things really were meant Sarah would have to take time away from her father’s care to reassign them space somewhere, so she decided against it. “He is. Or he was. That’s what he did in the vault, but now he’s my assistant.”

The sentinel clucked her tongue, “Fraternizing with a wastelander  _ and _ he’s your subordinate. Better hope Gunny doesn’t find out.”

“The way gossip spreads in this place, I’m sure he already knows.”

“Don’t I know it. It’s like a hen party in here twenty-four seven. We should rename the Citadel the Chicken Coop and get it over with.”

“That could be your first act as Elder.”

She snorted, “Get outta here, Lane, before you give me more bad ideas.”

Abby saluted and clicked her heels together, “Ma’am. Yes, ma’am.” The sound of Sarah’s laughter followed her down the corridor and made her smile. It was a terrible situation to be in, but she was glad she was able to make her smile despite everything.

The raucous sounds of too many soldiers in one small space filled her ears as she entered the mess hall. Truth be told, she usually ate elsewhere when she visited. Either in the clinic or outside somewhere nice and quiet. Butch enjoyed socializing though, so she was making an effort to be a little more extroverted this trip.

He wasn’t hard to find. All she had to do was find the dead center of the horde and there he sat. Laughing and joking around with everyone. She waved to get his attention before moving to the chow line. It was a bit past when they’d agreed to meet and she felt kind of bad for possibly making him wait. Then again, she was a very busy person and he had no shortage of friends or distractions here, so it was probably fine.

“Hey, kitten.” Large hands wrapped around her hips and she frowned when his chin sat on her head.

“What are you doing?”

“Playin’ the part. The latest is we’re totally gettin’ hitched just as soon as the elder clears it.”

She sighed, “You don’t have to feed the rumors, you know.”

“Why not? Gives me more street cred around here if they think I’m your guy.”

“I don’t really see how that’s possible. Everyone clearly likes you already.” She moved forward with the line and huffed when he moved with her. “Are you pretending to be a barnacle?”

“Maybe.” He chuckled when she sighed again, “Not like you to be late.”

“Oh.” He  _ had _ noticed. “I’m sorry. I had a last minute appointment.”

“Hmm. Hey, guess what.”

“What?”

“I got you somethin’.”

“Like a present?”

“Yup.”

She tilted her head back to look at him upside down, “What sort of present?”

“It’s a surprise. Come on.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her along, grinning at the whistles and hooting that followed them out of the room. “Man, your friends here are really into the idea of you gettin’ some, huh?”

“Butch!”   


“What? They are! It’s weird.”

She had to jog every few steps to keep up and huffed, “It’s just… we’re supposed to be a family of sorts. That’s all.”

“That makes it weirder.”

“It does not!”

“If you say so.” He opened a door into the stairwell and headed up. “Just a bit further.”

“Where are we going?”

“I told you, it’s a surprise.”

“I thought you wanted me to eat. You’re literally leading me away from the food.”

“Ha, don’t bet on it.” They finally reached the top floor and he flung the door open. “Ta-da!”

Abby stepped out onto the roof and stared with wide eyes. Someone had set up a picnic, complete with checkered blanket. There was a cooler and a basket helping to hold the edges down in the wind and the place settings had already been carefully laid out. A small camp grill filled with charcoal sat nearby waiting to be lit.

“What is this?”

“A date, dumb-dumb.”

_ "You _ did this?"

"Nah, it was the tooth fairy."

“But… I thought that whole date thing was a joke.”

“Yeah, you think everything’s a joke.” He pushed her along and took her bag from her. “Sit down and relax. I’m about to make you the greatest mirelurk steak you’ve ever put in your mouth.”

Abby sat on the blanket, “Oh, from today? So it went well?”

“It went awesome!” He tossed her bag aside and dug out a Nuka from the cooler to pass over. “You ever see one of them queens?  _ Crazy!” _

“I… yes. There was a queen there?”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t get hit with any of the acid, did you?”

“Pssh, nah. Almost though.” He took a seat on a stool next to the grill and held up a foot. “Like the new boots? They’re from Glade.”

“What happened to your old boots?”

_ “They _ got hit with the acid.”

“Oh.” He was grinning at her so proudly but her stomach was absolutely tied in knots. “They shouldn’t have let you be that close.”

“Hey, I can handle myself just fine. Don’t worry about me.” He lit the coals and poked them around a little. “What about your day? You look… kinda sad, actually. Whatcha sad for?”   


She shook her head, “Don’t tell anyone, but the elder isn’t doing very well.”

“Like… he’s gettin’ worse?”

Abby nodded, “Yes, he’s getting worse. He thought I was his wife today. She’s been gone over twenty years.”

“That must’ve been hard to deal with.”

“It’s just sad, and frustrating. I wish I could do more, but I can’t stop time or… there’s just some things I can’t fix. I hate being reminded of that.”

“Yeah, well… that’s cause you’re used to fixing everything, right? The world needs clean water, you provide. The vault needed saving, you save it. That’s what you do. You help people. That’s just who you are. So when you can’t help people, it’s hard.”

“Right.”

Satisfied they’d truly caught, he pulled out two mirelurk steaks from the cooler and set them on the grill. “You know that’s not a good thing, though, right?”

“What isn’t?”

“You feelin’ like that. It’s fine to help people and all, but you can’t make it your whole life, angel. That’ll put you in an early grave.”

Her father’s words from that awful dream echoed through her head. “I don’t matter. The work is what matters.”

He glared at her and pointed menacingly with his spatula, “That’s some ol’ bullshit and it’s never comin’ out of your mouth again, alright?  _ You matter. _ You are more important than every bit of fancy schmancy science crap you can do for other people combined.”

“But --”

“Nope! No buts. I hear you talkin’ like that again, and you will be on punishment, young lady.”

“On punishment?”

“Yeah.”

She scowled, “If you try to hit me --”

“I wouldn’t hit you! Jeez.” He tsked and shook his head, “The nerve.”

“Oh… sorry.”

“But I absolutely would ground you. Put you in a corner somewhere. Maybe slap a dunce cap on your head for good measure.”

Her eyes narrowed as she studied his face. There was a grin hiding under his stern expression and she smiled a little. “You’re teasing.”

“Ah, she got me!”

Abby laughed and looked up at the sky. Dusk was just starting to take hold, bringing with it cooler temperatures. The wind coming in from the coast made for a lovely breeze. She took a deep breath and felt some of the stress melt away. “This is really nice, Butch. Thank you for doing this.”

“Yeah, well. I noticed that every time we get outside somewhere, the first thing you do is look up. So I thought… get her as close to the sky as possible.” He flipped their steaks and watched her watching the shifting colors above them. “So you really like it?”

“I do. This is the nicest date I’ve ever been on… also the only date I’ve ever been on.”

Butch chuckled, “This isn’t really a date. That actually was a joke.”

“Oh.”

He gestured around them, “No radio, see? Couldn’t track one down. So how are we supposed to dance? You can’t have a date without dancin’. Everybody knows that.”

Abby hummed thoughtfully. Butch almost never wore his PipBoy anymore but she never left home without hers. He probably wasn’t used to using it as a portable radio. Her hand hovered over the knob, but she hesitated, watching him tend to the steaks.

He really was sweet to do all of this for her. It kind of reminded her of how Amata used to bring her cookies every year on her birthday. She was lucky to have someone like him in her life. He was like a little piece of the vault she could bring wherever she went.

That was probably the reason she kept feeling so strange around him. Why she didn’t want him in harm’s way and worried whenever he was out of her sight. He represented home. Her old home. Was that bad though? To be attached to someone for a reason like that?

It wasn’t that she didn’t like him for him or anything. She really did. He  _ was _ charming and all. His sense of humor had actually started to grow on her. It turned out that without the looming threat of a beatdown, bantering with him was pretty fun.

She let her hand fall away and picked her Nuka back up instead. He was just trying to be nice and she’d actually thought they were… that was ridiculous. The entire idea was silly. She should have known it was all a joke.

It wasn’t his fault she always took the wrong things seriously. Providing music would be taking the joke too far. Things would become awkward and weird between them again. She wanted to avoid that at all costs.

The radio stayed off.

“It smells nice.”

“Yeah, this stuff isn’t too bad once you figure out how to cook it.” Butch winced at the memory, “I uh… I did  _ not  _ know how to cook it at first. First few attempts ended up gross. I wouldn’t have fed it to Dogmeat. All leathery and shit. Bleh.”

She nodded along. This was a nice, safe subject and one of her favorites. The adjustment to living outside the vault. She could talk about this for hours. “Can you believe everyone out here eats all that stale pre-war stuff?”

“I know! It’s nasty!” He made a dramatic face that had her giggling. “I feel kinda bad for everybody though. They dunno the joy of a fresh Fancy Lad.”

“That’s true. We were lucky to have our food dispensaries.”

“Yeah, I never thought I’d see the day when I actually missed Andy’s waffles, but I do.”

“The waffles weren’t so bad. It was the hotdogs I couldn’t stand.”

“The waffles could’ve doubled as plywood. They were gross.”

“I used to drown mine in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, so that’s all I tasted.”

“Ha, that’s the way to do it.” He slid their food onto plates and brought it over to sit next to her. “You miss anything from 101? Food-wise, I mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She busied herself cutting off a few small bites and mulled it over. “When I came back, I used the last of my rations to get some tea.”

“Tea?”

“Yes. No one out here has ever heard of Earl Grey.”

“Oh.”

“I also got a few hot chocolate packets for winter. I love chocolate but I’ve never seen any in the wastes.”

“Tea and chocolate, huh?”

“I also got as much candy as I could for Lamplight.”

“That's sweet. I bet it felt like Christmas to ‘em.”

“It did. They were all _very_ happy to see me that day.”

“Ha.”

“Do you miss anything?”   


“Hmm.” He stuffed a large piece in his mouth and swallowed before answering. “Yeah. When I left, I had to leave behind some stuff I couldn’t fit in my pack. Personal stuff. I hid it real good though, so if I ever do go back, I’ll probably pick it up then.”

“Oh.” She poked at her steak. Thinking about him one day returning to a place she couldn’t follow was upsetting, but probably inevitable. Surely he’d go back for his lady someday. He seemed like one of those romantic types. Probably wouldn’t be able to help himself. “I miss the sheets.”

“The sheets?”

“Fitted sheets. I don’t like sleeping on a bare mattress.”

“Oh… hmm. Dental floss.” He grinned at her, “I mean, I’ve always got my Toothpick, but --”

“-- but you shouldn’t pick your teeth with a knife.”

“Exactly.”

“Bubble bath I don’t have to make myself.”

“Shoe laces.”

“Pens that aren’t always about to run out of ink.”

“More cans of pomade. I’ve only got maybe a dozen left. That ain’t nowhere  _ near _ a lifetime supply.”

She laughed, “Sugar packets!”

“Good cigarettes!”

“Tissues!”

“Movie holos!”

“Real coffee!”

“Wait, coffee? I thought you weren’t allowed to have that or whatever.”

“I wasn’t  _ supposed _ to have it, but I would sneak a cup here and there.”

“Naughty. I like it.” He took a long drink of beer and then pointed a finger at her plate. “Hey, keep eatin’. I got eyes on, angel.”

“Right, sorry. It really is good.”

“You can’t even taste it, can you?”

“I can smell it though… and the texture’s nice.” She ate a few pieces while he laughed and pointed when a bright spot over his shoulder caught her attention. “Look! There’s Jupiter!”

“Oh, yeah?” He turned and looked. “Where?”

“That little lighter colored dot above the horizon. See how it's not twinkling?”

“Yeah.”

“Planets don’t twinkle. Only stars twinkle.”

“Really?”

“M’hmm.”

“Why?”

“Stars are too far away to be seen clearly through our atmosphere, but the planets within our own solar system are closer. It’s like the difference between looking at a grain of sand and a seashell.”

Butch looked back at her and pouted, “Aw. Who spoiled it?”

“Spoiled what?”

“Your present.”

Abby blinked at him, “I thought this picnic was my present.”

“No, the picnic was dinner.” He leaned to one side and dug a small pouch out of his pocket. “This is your present.” He held it up but didn’t hand it over, “Nobody spoiled it? Really?”

“Really. No one said a word to me about anything.”

“Okay then. I was about to go kick somebody’s ass.”

She accepted the little bag and stared down at it. “What is it?”

“Open it and find out.”

“I can’t even remember the last present I…” She opened it and pulled out a seashell on a leather cord. “You found a calico scallop shell?  _ Intact?” _

“Is that what it is?”

“Yes, I… it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Abby ran her thumb over the pretty pink and white ridges, frowning thoughtfully, “It’s smoother than I thought a seashell would be.”

“I coated it in resin so, y’know, it won’t break as easy. Gallows said they’re real fragile.”

Her head came up, “You met Gallows?”

“Yeah. He’s alright.”

“And he  _ talked _ to you?”

“Yeah.” He snorted, “He’s quiet though. I bet the two of you get on swell. Said exactly three words to me.” He held up a hand to count them off, “‘Those break easy.’”

“Hmm.” So even the most mysterious of the Pride members had come out of the woodwork to meet Butch. That was actually kind of amazing. Most of the Brotherhood hadn’t even met the man. She knew for a fact that a few actually believed him to just be a myth of some kind, like the boogeyman. Enemies in the field rarely met him, either, and if they did, he was inevitably the last thing they ever saw.

“Look inside it.”

“Inside it?”

“Yup.”

“That won’t break it?”

“Nah, I fixed it up some. It’s got a proper hinge now.”

“A hinge?”

He laughed, “Yeah, don’t look so surprised, okay? Some of us took shop instead of advanced chem.”

“Oh.” She carefully opened it and her mouth dropped open, “It’s a pearl!”   


“Yeah, you like those, right?”

“I… it was my mother’s birthstone.”

“So you do like it?”

“Yes, I like it! Where on earth did you find one?”

“About fifteen feet from where the shell was.”

“That’s amazing!”

“M’hmm.”

Man, she really was gullible. Like he didn’t have a whole stash of stuff he’d collected over the years that he knew she liked. Every fucking birthday, every single Christmas, every Valentine’s day, he’d always got her a present. He’d just never been able to give any of them to her, but now he could and he was damn well gonna.

He’d purchased the pearl from the vault’s little jewelry dispensary shortly before her eighteenth birthday. Right after prom when he’d noticed she’d been wearing them. The plan had been to make something special for it to sit in, maybe a ring or something, but he couldn’t ever decide on what. There'd been no rush. It’s not like he could have given it to her then anyway. He’d never given Susie so much as a safety pin, so giving another girl jewelry of any kind would have been akin to starting World War III. Or maybe IV. Whatever number they were up to nowadays.

Butch kept all the little baubles and treasures in an old can of Dixie Peach. Nobody noticed it and nobody questioned why he always had it on him. The second he’d seen that perfect little shell on the beach, inspiration had struck him like lightning.

“Consider it a belated birthday present, alright?”

“You remembered my birthday?”

“Sure. July thirteenth. Same day it always is. I couldn’t track you down in time, so…” He shrugged, “Sorry it took so long.”

“No, that’s… that’s fine.” She blinked and tried to keep the tears at bay. “It’s just… I didn’t think anyone cared about my birthday anymore.”

“Oh, angel. Come on, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

Abby shook her head, “No. You didn’t make me feel bad. This is just so nice, I --”

“Here, I’ll put it on you.”

He plucked it out of her hand and reached around to fasten the simple button-loop clasp. It would’ve been nice to have been able to work out a fancier fish hook clasp or something, but he was still pretty proud of it considering the resources available. The Brotherhood had plenty of tools lying around, but not as many as you’d think they had for things like delicate metal work.

Anyway, the button was special, too, even if she clearly didn’t remember it. A little disk of abalone that had once belonged to her favorite cardigan back in the seventh grade. He could still remember how the seafoam green color of it had brought out her eyes. The button had caught on her desk and fell, unnoticed, as she’d left class. But he’d noticed, and into his pocket it had gone, like so many other things she’d absentmindedly lost over the years.

She was too busy wiping her eyes to protest and still too caught off guard by everything to stop that shiver she felt when his hands brushed the back of her neck. “Oh, thanks.”

“You cold? Is it too windy?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” He was so close. Why was he still so close? Why was it bothering her so much that he was? She fidgeted and kept her eyes averted, hoping he’d go back to his side of the blanket or look away or something.

Instead he just smiled at her, “Looks nice on you.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah. Now open wide. Here comes the choo-choo.”

Abby frowned and finally looked up, “What?”

Butch stuffed a forkful of mirelurk steak into her mouth and smirked at the cranky face she made after. “Yay! She ate it! Now can you chew and swallow like a good girl for Daddy?”

She snatched her fork back, “I can feed myself!”

“Really? Cause you weren’t.”

Just to spite him she ate the rest of it in three huge bites, even though she had to use her Nuka to get the last of it down. “There! Happy now?”

“Yup.”

“Hmph.” She folded her arms and refused to look at him. Just when she thought he was actually being nice, he had to go and pull a stunt like that. She felt about four years old.

And he was definitely  _ not _ her daddy.

A gust of wind blew a few curls across her face and she huffed again, irritably tucking them behind her ear. Her hair constantly being in the way hadn’t been an issue when it was longer. She could braid it or put it into a ponytail like sensible people did. Letting him talk her into cutting it was clearly a mistake and she was almost positive he’d tricked her into it somehow. She turned to glare at him and give him the business over the bother of it all and was surprised to find him staring at her. That weird look on his face from before was back. The one she still couldn’t identify.

Whatever it was, she didn’t like it.

“What are you looking at?”

He blinked like he’d been completely spacing out and immediately pointed at the sky behind her, “Uh… that.”

Abby turned and squinted into the deep purple twilight, “What?”

“That bright thing. Star. That bright star. What’s that?”

“Vega?” She gave him an incredulous look and pointed herself, “The blue one?”

“Is that blue?”

She huffed, “Vega is the fifth brightest star in the sky. Everyone knows that.”

“Huh. Neat.”

“See how it makes a parallelogram with the stars around it?”

He tilted his head, “Kinda.”

“That’s the constellation Lyra.”

“Hmm. So what’s the brightest one out there?”

“Sirius. The dog star.”

“Where’s it at?”

“The southern hemisphere. You can't see it up here until winter.”

“Aw. So what’s the brightest one we can see?”

“You already saw it. Vega.”

“Oh.” He pouted for a moment before brightening, “Hey. You wanna sleep up here? Like a camp out? We could watch the stars and stuff. Probably be a lot cooler than that little shoebox they stuck us in.” Butch snickered, “Plus I’m pretty sure there’s gonna be a ton of people findin’ reasons to be in that hallway outside our door tonight. Know what I mean?”

Did his brain just constantly yo-yo its way from one topic to the next? There was never any rhyme or reason to the subject changes he hit her with. She didn’t actually know what he meant, so she decided to ignore it and went with that she did understand.

“You have an interest in the stars?”

“Yeah! I mean…” He leaned back on his hands and looked up, “They’re beautiful, right? After a lifetime underground, it kinda feels ungrateful to not enjoy ‘em as much as we can.”

“Oh.” Just like that, he was right back to being sentimental and mindful in a salt of the earth sort of way. Inexplicable fondness swelled in her chest and chased away the lingering irritation. “Okay.”

“Really?” He grinned at her, “You know, I still remember when you had that camp out sleepover thing. You and Amata talked about it for weeks. How your pops stuck all those paper stars on your ceiling and whatever. Used a fan and some plastic for an indoor campfire.”

Her eleventh birthday. S’mores and ghost stories by flashlight and tents in the living room. Her last real group party. Just the girls in her class. By the following year, everyone else had decided they were too old for such silly things and the parties took on a decidedly grown-up feel. Proper activities and mingling and the inevitable pairing off that she’d always taken as her cue to leave. When she turned twelve, they celebrated with a quiet dinner. Just her father, Jonas and Amata. No more silly slumber parties or ice cream socials in the cafeteria.

She still kind of missed those days. When life was so much simpler and everyone just got along. Or almost everyone, anyway.

“I remember. I can’t believe you remember. Boys weren’t allowed at that party.”

“I know.” He sighed heavily, “That totally killed me. I was so jealous. I thought the whole idea was so cool.”

“Then you were the only one.”

“Yeah.” Butch wrinkled his nose, “You ever wonder why we were all in such a hurry to grow up?”

“I have  _ always _ wondered that. I still feel like I’m twelve or fourteen most days. It feels like everyone else has been a grownup for ages already.”

“Bein’ grown’s overrated. I wouldn’t worry about it. Anyway, I dunno if you ever realized this, but everybody else was always just tryin’ to catch up to you.”

“What? That can’t be right.”

“Course it is. You were always more mature. You talked like an adult and you were always so above all the drama and whatever. It was like you were just born a lady or somethin’.”

“Oh.” Abby stared down at her Nuka. Born a lady. Hadn’t Daddy always said that? Always called her his perfect little princess. Always wrapped her in all the pink he could find and constantly commented on her being a carbon copy of her beautiful mother.

Maybe he’d always known or at least suspected what she was just figuring out. That she wasn’t actually a lady or a princess or anything else. She just  _ was. _ Maybe that’s why he’d always gone so overboard on focusing on her supposed femininity. It must have worried him to no end. A square peg was just incompatible with the round cog world of the vault.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. Shoot.”

“Do you remember what age you realized you were going to grow up to be a man?”

“Uh… no? Am I supposed to?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Hey, what’s wrong now? You’ve got that look on your face again.”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

Why was this upsetting her  _ now? _ She’d been perfectly fine with the idea of not thinking of herself as a boy or a girl the last time she really thought about it. It had felt freeing and almost liberating to cast off that old way of thinking and embrace the new. She’d been fine with her singularity as something outside the norm. Hadn’t she? But now it felt like the end of the world. Like this identity she’d been pulling together was something awful and restricting and --

“Abby?” Butch set his hand on her shoulder. “Are you still freakin’ out about the whole Elder Lyons thing?”

“What?”

“The measure of a man and whatever now that he’s losin’ his marbles? Is that what you’re stuck on?”

“Oh. I guess so. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm. Well… clearly you need a distraction.” He ruffled her hair and grinned, “And I’ve got the perfect one.”

Abby rolled her eyes, “Oh, I bet you do.”

“Puh. You’ve got a dirty mind, girlie. Nah, I was thinkin’ more of that.” His hand left her head to point at the stars above. “You like teachin’ idiots shit, right? Well, there’s no idiot as unteachable as me. Everybody says so.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Aw, come on. It’ll be a challenge for you, right? Throw a bunch of facts at me and let’s see what sticks. You can even quiz me in the mornin’. I know you’d love that. Probably get off on me failing, huh?”

“Sometimes I feel like I must be a real harridan in your eyes.”

“See? I don’t even know what the hell that is. Come on. I’m a blank slate over here.”

She smiled a little at how silly he was being. He was trying so hard to be a good friend. The least she could do was reciprocate. “Okay.” Abby took a deep breath and looked up, “That constellation above us is Draco. The fourth largest in the sky. It’s really interesting. It contains several nebulas and --”

“Which one?”

“Oh, it starts over near Lyra and goes under Ursa Minor --”

“I already forgot where Lyra was.”

She tsked at him, “It’s the parallelogram over there.”

He squinted and tilted his head, “Where was it?”

_ “Over. There.” _ Abby pointed emphatically towards the east.

Butch tried lowering his head a little, “I think the problem here is you’re like a foot shorter than me. It’s throwin’ off the angles.”

“It’s not my fault you’re a giant!”, she snapped.

“Hmm. Here, I got it.” He got up while she continued to glare at him and sat back down right behind her, pulling her back against him and setting his hands over hers. “Okay! Here we go. Lyra. Point ‘er out.”

Abby felt like her face was on fire and swallowing was suddenly both impossible and imperative. Her hands twitched under his as her brain struggled to interpret his words. “Uh… it’s…”

“Hmm?”

Warm breath slid past her ear and a shiver ran up her spine. She meekly pointed at the bright constellation without actually looking. His hand moved with hers and her heart leapt at the way his body shifted through the movement behind her. “T-there. It’s over there.”

“Oh, yeah. I see it now. Okay… so Draco is up from there, right?”

“To the northwest a little.”

“Hmm. So…” His hand closed over hers and brought it up with his. “There?”

She adjusted the placement a little and nodded, “M’hmm.”

“Neat.”

Abby nodded but couldn’t speak. His left arm had casually wrapped around her waist like this was totally no big deal and they sat like this all the time. Was this something friends did? Or maybe he was just an extremely tactile sort of person.

“You said it was big, right? So where’s it end?”

“It… it curves between Ursa Minor and Ursa Major.” She did her best to swing her hand in a steady kind of arc but his lips brushing against her ear kind of ruined the attempt.

“Wow, it is really… hey, are you sure you ain’t cold? You keep shiverin'.”

Cold? She’d never felt more ablaze in her entire life. “I’m fine.”

“Hmm.” He hugged her tighter, “I dunno. You are awfully little. I feel like this wind might be too much for you.”

Oh,  _ no. _ If he thought it was too cold up here, that meant going to bed downstairs in that room. Laying next to him and having to force herself to stay awake because God only knew what the hell her subconscious would have her doing at this point. There were obviously some lingering effects from the previous night’s events affecting her ability to govern herself properly. She squeezed her eyes shut and for some reason all she could think about was how salacious they must have looked with her on top of him and his hands on her. Moving like they were actually --

“Maybe we should sleep downstairs, angel. I’d hate for you to get sick or somethin’.”

The terrifying concept of terminal embarrassment snapped her back into something resembling a person with a functional brain. She shook her head. “No, no! I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine. I like it up here. We should stay up here every time we visit. It’s nice and quiet and… and oh! Look! See the fuzzy little thing there between the stars?”

“Uh… yes?”

“That’s the Cat’s Eye nebula! Discovered in 1786! It’s absolutely fascinating! Would you like me to tell you about it?”

Butch grinned at the rapid fire words coming at him about an octave higher than usual and stifled a chuckle at how breathless she sounded. “Yeah. I think I would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from Theodore Roosevelt.
> 
> Sawbones = Most underrated FO3 character.
> 
> (Also Dixie Peach is the kind of pomade Elvis used. 👍)


	13. Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness

“What’s up, tourist?”

“Hi, Willow.”

“Hot one today.”

“That it is.”

“So who’s the new guy?”

“Oh, this is my friend, Butch DeLoria. We grew up together. Butch, this is Willow. She’s Underworld’s sentry.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you.” He stuck his hand out and gave her his best smile. Abby had told him all about how nice all the ghouls had been to her back in the day. When she’d first stumbled in still a little bruised and heartsick from her experiences in Megaton and Rivet City. He definitely wanted to make a good impression here.

“Nice to meet you, too.” She shook his hand with an amused sort of twinkle in her eye. “Another vault dweller, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Hmm. All the boys in 101 as pretty as you, sweetheart?”

Butch snorted, “Hell no.”

Abby sighed, “Willow, we have some… personal business to discuss. I’m going to go introduce Butch to Charon and then you and I are going to have a very serious talk about hygiene and responsibility. Again.”

“Pssh. Fine.” She brushed the lank red hair off her forehead and pouted, “Why is it every time I see you, I get a lecture?”

“I don’t know. Why is it every time I see you, I have to give a lecture?”

Willow huffed and turned her attention back to Butch, “Hey, if you get bored runnin’ with Miss Priss over here, come see me, huh? Can’t be considered a true wastelander until you’ve tasted --”

“We have to go now!” Abby pushed Butch ahead of her and ignored both their laughter and the heat in her face as they walked away. “Honestly. That woman.”

“Aw, she’s just havin’ a bit of fun.”

“She’s making more work for me is what she’s doing.”

He laughed, “Yeah, that, too.”

The doors to Underworld, or the Museum of History as it was once called, were still intact. Solid steel. Dark and imposing. Passing through them truly felt like descending into Hades with how dim the lighting was. It was also about thirty degrees cooler inside than out and he moaned in relief as it hit them.

“Thank _God._ I was pretty sure I was gonna melt out there.”

“You’ll be wishing for the heat once winter hits. The storms that come in off the ocean are just brutal.”

“Nah, you can always put more clothes on, see? You can only strip down so far before people start gettin’ aggravated with you.”

She laughed, “That’s true.”

A mostly intact, massive wooly mammoth greeted them as they entered and he couldn’t help but gawk at it. Thing was huge. He could kind of vaguely remember falling asleep watching holos in class about them, but seeing one in person was a whole different experience. As they came around, he realized a cheerful line of pennants had been hung off one side and made a face. That just kinda seemed disrespectful. Bedazzling somethin’ so old and rare was tacky. His eyes followed the flags to a ghoul with a resplendent synthetic head of hair standing on a platform. Holding up what looked to be a can of Aqua Pura. Butch nudged her and pointed with his chin.

“Hey, what’s goin’ on over there?”

“I don’t know.” She frowned and they stood at the back of the crowd.

The ghoul smiled at his audience, “That’s right! With each swig of pure Aqua Cura, you’re one step closer to being your old self again!”

Abby scowled, “Oh, what’s all this nonsense?”

“Sounds like a sales pitch.”

“Extreme epidermal exfoliation! It’s something we all face. Or rather, we all  _ had _ to face in the  _ past! _ Now, with the amazing Aqua Cura, your days of droopy skin and gaping sores are over!”

Butch leaned down and murmured, “What the hell is Aqua Cura?”

She shook her head, “Never heard of it in my life.”

“Wash profusely with Aqua Cura morning and evening, or better yet, buy a ten gallon barrel and take a bath in it!” He danced in place a bit to the crowd’s delight, “And you’ll see your skin return to its natural, smooth state! It’s guaranteed!”

He snorted, “He’s a snake oil salesman.”

“Excuse me, sir!” Abby raised her hand and waved it. “I’d like a word with you.”

“Well, hello there, smoothskin. Step right up! Have you come to savor the great taste of the amazing Aqua Cura!”

She eyed the can, “Is it any different from regular Aqua Pura?”

The ghoul gave her a slick smile, “Why? Have you heard otherwise?”

“No, I mean, you just changed the name? Or did you do something to it?”

“I changed the name to help ghouls realize it’s amazing properties!”

“M’hmm.” Abby stomped up onto the stage and put her hands up at the audience, “Show’s over, folks. I’m sorry he wasted your time. If you would like Aqua Pura delivered to Underworld at no charge, please see Winthrop and he’ll put in an order. Thank you.” She waited for them to start dispersing before turning her ire on the charlatan. “Who the hell are you?”

“Who am I? Who are _you_ to ruin an honest man’s business?!”

“I’m Abby Lane.”

“Oh. Oh, shit.”

He chortled at the terrified look on the man’s face, “Bet you thought she’d be taller, huh?”

She held her hand out, “Give me the can. Right now.”

“Uh… I mean, I put some work into this, y’know? Compensation is --” He gulped when her plasma pistol was suddenly leveled between his eyes. “Not necessary in this particular instance. Haha. Sorry. Of course you can have a can. Course. Here. Consider it a free sample.” He passed it over and his eyes went wide when she flipped off the safety. “Hey! Hey, now, I’m cooperation’ here!”

Butch sucked in a breath. That ice was back in her eyes. He eased up on stage and stood next to her, “Hey, he’s just some bum, right? It ain’t worth it.”

“Aqua Pura is my mother’s legacy. I'm not about to let some con artist ruin it.”

“Right. Yup, you're absolutely right.” The rage in her words left no room for argument and this asshole’s life wasn’t worth the trouble, in his humble opinion. He gave the ghoul a shrug and stepped back.

“Get your rifle out.”

“Uh…”

“Now.”

“Yup.” Butch brought up his gun and frowned when she lowered hers and started fiddling with her PipBoy. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Running an analysis.”

“Oh.”

Abby held the bottle up to the sensor on her wrist and immediately frowned, “This says it’s irradiated.” Her eyes bored holes through the ghoul’s head. “You  _ irradiated _ my mother’s  _ clean water?!” _

“Uh...”

“My father  _ died _ for this water.”

“Oh. Well, y’see, ghouls actually prefer their water a little irradiated, y’know? Makes us feel a little peppier, y’see?”

“Where did you get this?”

“They’re givin’ it away for free, ain’t they?”

“That is not an answer.”

“Okay, okay! If I tell you, will you call off your dog?”

Her head tilted, “You are in no position to negotiate.”

“Right. Right, okay.” He sighed, “Look, I tried gettin’ it like everybody else, but the Brotherhood turned me away. Said ghouls like me don’t need it --”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who turned you away? I want a name.”

“I dunno.” He gulped again when her pistol came back up, “I really don’t! It was a couple of guys in that power armor! I didn’t even see their faces! I swear! All I know, is when I offered to buy it, some guy callin’ himself Scribe Bigsley was all too happy to take my caps, alright?”

“Why did you want Aqua Pura in the first place? By your own admission, ghouls are happier with irradiated water.”

“Well, cause, y’know, the stuff they put it in to kill radiation also undoes the radiation damage to ghoul physiology. And thus Aqua Pura became Aqua Cura!”

“Holy shit, is that true?”

“No, it’s not.”

“Oh. Bummer.”

“Did Scribe Bigsley sell this lie to you, or is it one of your own invention?”

“Uh, well…”

“If you lie to me, I will shoot you where you stand.”

“He doesn’t know. The Aqua Cura part was all my idea.”

“M’hmm. So what’s happening to the actual Aqua Pura?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not an idiot.” She held up the can again, “This isn’t an original Aqua Pura can. So what’s happening to the water that scribe has been selling you?”

“I uh… well, y’know, the Brotherhood’s kinda picky as to who can or can’t have it, right? So there’s a lot of people out there who want it but can't get it. Want it bad enough to pay a ghoul like me to keep it comin’.”

“Who?”

He shrugged, “I dunno. Raider types. Slavers. Talon Company.”

Abby took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “What is your name?”

“Griffin.”

“Griffin, I am going to count to ten and you aren’t going to be here anymore. And if I ever see you or your silly Aqua Cura again, I will end your misspent life with extreme prejudice. Are we clear?”

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

“One.”

Butch snorted at the panic that came over the ghoul’s face. “I’d start runnin’ if I were you, pal.”

“Two.”

“Shit.” Griffin took off, his wig flapping above his head as he ran.

“Three.”

He watched him go and leaned over enough to see the door bang shut behind him. “He’s gone now. You can stop counting.”

She shook her head, “I really think I need to get to ten. I am so angry right now I could spit.”

“Yeah, alright.” Butch slung his rifle over his shoulder again and put his hands back in his pockets. “Take your time.”

A few seconds later, she finally opened her eyes. The rage was gone. Now there was only weariness and sorrow. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Involving you in that.”

“Hey, if it involves you, it involves me. That’s the Tunnel Snake code.”

“Right.”

“Although…” He scratched his jaw thoughtfully, “Next time, if you want, I can just go upside their head with the butt of my rifle. I don’t mind takin’ out the trash, y’know.”

She laughed, “That makes you husband material then, doesn’t it?”

“Uh… what?”

“Daddy always said that if I ever wanted to find someone to settle down with, I should look for a person who didn’t mind doing chores around the house. That it was a sign, you know? A man who didn’t have a problem being domestic was probably a quality partner. Husband material.”

“Oh.” He chuckled, “Right, I forgot. Your pops always wanted you to get married and live happily ever after.”

“Yes, he did.”

“Is that how you rebelled? By goin’ the whole other way?”

“Not really. If I’d been able to have relationships like that, I would have. I didn’t like disappointing him.” She shrugged, “But it just wasn’t meant to be. Anyway, I’m hardly wife material myself, so… maybe he should’ve worked a little harder on that aspect of it instead of just giving me a list of things to look for.”

“Oh, there’s a whole list?”

“M’hmm.”

“You Lanes and your lists.”

Abby snorted, “I know. It’s just in our DNA to sort things, I guess.”

“Ha. Yeah.” He followed her towards the proper entrance to the ghoul settlement and cleared his throat, “So… just outta curiosity, what kinda stuff did your pops have on that husband huntin' list he gave you?”

“Why?”

“Oh, just… y’know. Like I said. I’m curious. He always seemed to look at stuff from a whole different angle than everybody else in the vault.” He shrugged, “Woulda been nice to pick his brain a little but I never got the chance. I always kinda felt like he hated me, to be honest.”

“Daddy didn’t hate you. He just hated how you used to tease me.”

“Yeah.”

“But he was always telling me I should try to be nice to you and everything. I think it really bothered him that he couldn’t help you more.”

“Hmm. Well… I guess that’s kinda nice. At least one adult had the decency to feel bad about the shit I had to put up with.” He planted his hand on the door above her head and pushed it open for her. “So? The list? Let’s hear it.”

“Well… let’s see.” She pursed her lips thoughtfully, “You know, now that I’m really thinking about it, you hit a lot of things on the list.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm. You can cook and don’t mind doing chores. You’re nice and funny. You support me in all my efforts. You make me laugh.” Abby paused and frowned to herself. Actually, he met every single one of Daddy’s suggestions for a quality life partner except the educational stuff and a few of the finer morality points.

“Ho ho, sounds like I’m quite the catch over here.”

“Yes, I suppose it does.”

“Anything else?”

“Someone of good character and preferably someone well versed in science.”

“Aw. Crap. So close.” He pouted at her until she laughed and grinned, “Y’know, I happen to have a list myself for who I’d like to marry someday.”

“Does it just have your lady’s name written twenty times? Little hearts over the I's and everything?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“That’s cute.” She smiled up at him, “I like when you talk about her. You’re very sweet about it. I hope whoever she is, we can be friends.”

“You don’t feel jealous or nothin’?”

“Why would I feel jealous?”

“I dunno. We’ve been spendin’ a lotta time together. It could happen.”

“That’s silly.” She scoffed and waved at the ghoul in overalls at the top of the stairs. “Winthrop!”

“Hey, smoothskin! Long time no see. You here to pick up your guy?”

“No, it’s still over ninety out.”

“Ah.”

“Did you know about this Griffin character outside?”

“Oh, yeah.” He shrugged, “I didn’t see the harm in it.”

“Didn’t see the harm in it?!”

“Nah. He’s just sellin’ hope to idiots. If they wanna part with their hard earned caps over a little can of water, that’s their business.”

“He was lying to them!”

“Look, kid. Most of us here are older than dirt, alright? We know the score. There ain’t no goin’ back once you go ghoul. But there’s some that are younger. People who were born in the wasteland and eventually turned. Some of ‘em still got families and sweethearts who won’t even look at ‘em now. They gotta believe there’s a cure out there somewhere or they’ll go crazy. It takes some time to accept life as a ghoul. So if they can find somethin’ to cushion the blow, I say let ‘em.”

“Oh… I hadn’t really thought about the psychological aspect of it.”

“Hmm.”

She sighed, “I already ran him off.”

Winthrop nodded, “Yeah, I figured you would. It’s alright. They’ll find some new magic elixir soon enough. Heck, maybe Carol can whip up something for them to take.”

“A placebo so they feel better for a while.”

“Right. Give the babies their bottles, you know?"

Abby rubbed her forehead, “Good God. Am I any different from that grifter? Gob keeps paying me for all those experiments and the chances of any of them being successful are slim to none.”

Butch shook his head, “Nah. It’s all about intent, right? You’re genuinely tryin’ to help Gob out. That asshole was just tryin’ to make caps. There’s a difference.”

The ghoul nodded, “Exactly. So who’s your friend here?”

She still looked upset and uncertain but introduced them anyway, “This is Butch DeLoria. Butch, this is Winthrop. He basically runs things here since Barrows is really too busy to be mayor in a practical sense.”

“Oh, cool. Hey, man. It’s nice to meet you.” He gave him a wave.

“Nice to meet you, too. I’ll tell you what I tell every other smoothskin who stumbles through our doors. We don’t mind you being here, so long as you aren’t some kinda asshole bigot. Capiche?”

“Capiche.”

“Alright then.” He turned his attention back to Abby, “Y’know, I really think Charon’s starting to come around. That asking instead of telling thing you started seems to be working.”

“Really?”

“Yup. Just the other day he told Greta he didn’t want to help her sweep, even though anybody could see she really wanted him to.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!”

He chuckled, “Yeah, Greta isn’t too happy having to do her own chores again, but it’s definitely good for him.”

“Is he at Carol’s now?”

“Yup. Should be. He’s been helping out Doc Barrows from time to time but I don’t think he’s there today.”

“Okay, thanks. Anything you need while I’m here?”

“Not a thing I can think of.” He shrugged, “Maybe try to avoid Snowflake for me? He’s gonna get dramatic once he sees your mop.”

“Oh.” She ran a hand over her hair and winced, “Right. I didn’t even think about that.”

Butch tsked, “I’ve had dibs on that a lot longer than he has.”   


He blinked, “You? You cut her hair?”

“Yeah, I used to be a barber.”

“Huh. Neat. I used to be an aerospace engineer.”

“What’s that?”

Abby answered for him, “Winthrop designed and built space ships before the war.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, that’s right. I was up here on vacation with my family when the bombs dropped. Didn’t really see a need to move back down to Florida after. I definitely don’t want to know what gators mutated into. Figured it was just safer up here. Less wildlife.”

_ “Wow. _ Space ships. Hey, you dunno if that vault on the moon thing was real or not, do you?”

He grinned, “Well, now that was all highly classified. They never really told me what I was building my ships for. But a buddy of mine was a payload specialist. Those were the people that filled up the rockets with shit to take into space. We used to grab a beer together every once in a while and there at the end, he took to wearing this Vault-Tec baseball cap everywhere so…” He shrugged, “Maybe.”

“Moon vault.”

“Yeah, it’d be pretty neat.”

Butch looked down at Abby,  _ “Moon vault.  _ How cool would that be to live in?”

She made a face, “Given what I’ve seen of other vaults, not so great. I don’t even want to know what kind of experiment Braun thought up for space.”

“Aw, you’re no fun.”

“So you keep telling me.” She waved, “I’ll see you, Winthrop.”

“Take care, kids.”

He followed her back downstairs and hummed thoughtfully, “You know I don’t really mean nothin’ by all that, right?”

“By all what?”

“Sayin’ you’re no fun.”

“Hmm.”

“I don’t really mean it.”

“Okay.”

“Actually, I kinda think hangin’ out with you is a blast. That’s why I say it isn’t, cause that’s the joke.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Abby nervously tucked a curl behind her ear and nodded, “Okay… well, thanks for explaining that.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“I um… I like hanging out with you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“M’hmm.”

Butch watched her cheeks burn bright pink and smiled to himself but didn’t push it. There’d been plenty of pushing last night and it had made her as jumpy as he’d ever seen her. He was still tryin’ to calm her down from all that. Worth it though.  _ So _ worth it. Getting to hold her for almost an hour while she stammered out facts about space and whatnot was basically a dream come true. The cute way she’d hid in her bedroll and kept sneaking glances at him after was more than he could have ever hoped for. She’d been staring when he woke up, too. He hadn’t really caught her that time, but the way she’d avoided meeting his eyes and the flushed face she'd sported while they packed everything up were dead giveaways.

Actually, the whole thing had him feeling like a kid again. Their situation was taking him right back to junior high when most of the girls in their class had started giggling whenever he walked past. Flirting had come about a month after that and he’d gotten his V-card punched in no time. So this was alright. What did it matter if she was about a decade behind everybody else? At least she was getting there. That’s all he cared about.

He felt like he was doing a fairly solid job of keeping things light and gentle here. Going slow had never really been his style, but going slow with Abby was crucial. He could feel it in his bones. Oh, sure, if he wanted to really be a jerk about things, he could probably get it done in a hurry. Surprise attack her with a kiss someplace nice and quiet and just let things naturally get outta hand. She had always seemed to short-circuit whenever he’d laid one on her back when they were kids. Like her brain just completely glitched out. He could definitely work with that. Overwhelm her physically and before she knew it, he’d have her cute little panties clean off.

But in the aftermath of all that? God only knew. She could wake up the next day, want to murder him, and actually do it. Or he might wake up and she’d just be gone. Poof. Abracadabra pulling a vanishing act wasn’t unheard of. She’d run away to Point Lookout after coming back to the vault. That’s why he hadn’t been able to track her down. The way he heard it,  _ nobody _ could’ve tracked her down there. Whole place was supposedly an impenetrable swamp full up of nasty critters and nastier people.

Or maybe he wouldn’t wake up at all. Maybe she’d just send him off like she had Jericho.

Whatever happened, it wouldn’t be good. At the absolute very least they would no longer be friends. She’d never speak to him again. Probably wouldn’t even allow him in her presence. He’d get iced out at a heretofore unheard of level. Not only that, but she could, if she were so inclined, turn the entire wasteland against him. Not that she seemed the type to pull somethin' like that, but who knew? His only options if she did would be death or returning to the vault, and out of the two of those choices, he already knew which one he’d pick.

So slow was good here. Slow was  _ great. _ Slow and steady wins the race. He had to turtle this shit. Even if it made him crazy to do it.

Because  _ goddamn _ did she make him crazy. The more time they spent together, the more he wanted. Holding her last night under the flimsy excuse of innocent stargazing should have satisfied his need to touch her, but it hadn’t. If anything, it had just poured gasoline over it. Now every second he wasn’t in physical contact with her felt like torture. He was resentful of everyone she casually touched. Every handshake, every high five, every awkward side hug. He wanted to go apeshit ballistic but he didn’t. Cause that was the old him.

Back in the old days, he’d see somebody else make her smile or laugh and just completely lose his mind. Run around like some idiot and fuck it all up for her. Whatever it took to get her paying attention to him and only him again. Never once thinking what that kinda bullshit must have felt like from her side. How scary and awful he’d made her life, especially when they were little.

Even now, getting her to laugh or even just relaxed enough to have a good time almost took an act of God. And why shouldn’t it? He’d only spent two decades giving her a fucking complex about being happy. Of course she’d grow into an adult who was nervous about letting her hair down. She probably didn’t even know why she was. If she did, there’s no way she’d have let him back in her life. Nobody was that nice or forgiving.

It killed him. Watching her laugh and light up, and then watchin' it all die right in front of him. There’d be this abrupt retreat. She’d flinch away from it. The more she enjoyed herself, the quieter she'd get after. She’d shrink inside herself like she was waiting for an attack.

He wanted to fix it but he wasn’t sure how. He wanted to see her being happy and bubbly all the time. Sometimes, when he really got her goin’ with a laugh, she’d do this ridiculous snort thing that never failed to make him almost pee his pants. Shit was so fuckin’ funny. He just wanted her to have a good time. To _let_ herself have a good time. Give herself permission to or whatever.

It would probably help if he could actually tell her all that. Explain that he was never, ever going to get in the way of her happiness ever again. That he’d rather  _ die _ than make her feel bad and he’d kill anybody else who tried. But he couldn’t because inevitably she’d ask why and he didn’t have a good answer for that except the truth, and she wasn’t ready for the truth yet.

He just hoped someday she would be.

Abby stepped up to a counter and rang the bell, “Carol?”

A smiling ghoul in a pretty blue dress stuck her head out from the storage room. “Abracadabra!”

“Hey.”

“About time you showed up.”

“How are things?”

“Oh, fine. Fine.” She came out carrying a tall stack of boxes and Butch jogged over to help her. “Well, thank you, honey.” Carol turned back to Abby and grinned, “And who’s this handsome young man you’ve brought to see me?”

“This is my friend, Butch.”

“Hmm. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Butch. I’m Carol. I run this little slice of heaven.”

He set the boxes down and shook her hand, “It’s real nice to meet you.”

“Carol founded Underworld.”

“Really?”

“Oh, I don’t know about all that. I just stumbled in here out of the nuclear fallout.”

“But you were the first. That makes you the founder.”

She waved her off, “You say it like that and people will think it was on purpose.”

“Pretty  _ and _ modest. Now there’s a rare combination.”

“Oh, he’s a flirt, too.” Carol winked at Abby, “God bless you. You brought him by just to brighten my day, didn’t you?”

“And to meet Charon, yes.”

“Ha. Well, he’s flipping a few mattresses for me. Should be up here any second.”

“Okay. We can wait.” She gestured towards him, “You know, Butch here is practically Gob’s best friend.”

“Oh! You know my Gob?”

“Yes, ma’am. He’s a real swell guy.”

“Isn’t he though? Just a sweetie. A mother couldn't ask for a better son.”

A tall, imposing ghoul in dark combat armor came through the door and nodded at them. “Carol. I have finished.”

“Oh, thank you, Charon.”

Abby smiled at him, “It’s so nice of you to help out.”

“Thank you.”

“Hug or handshake?”

He seemed to think about it for a moment and finally opened his arms, patting her head gingerly when she stepped over and hugged him tightly. “It is good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you, too.”

“Would you like me to accompany you now?”

“It’s still too hot.”

“Oh.”

“But it’s okay! You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m not alone. I have an assistant now.”

His opaque eyes turned onto Butch. “Oh?”

“Yes. Charon, this is Butch DeLoria. Butch, this is Charon. My other best friend.”

“Oh, man. I have been dyin’ to meet you! Abby’s gone on and on about you like crazy.”

He stared down at him and made no move to meet his handshake. “Okay.”

“You’re supposed to say ‘it’s nice to meet you’, honey.” Carol shook her head. “He’s still a little rough around the edges, kiddo. Don’t take it personally.”

“Yeah, nah. It’s cool. Strong, silent type. Just like I heard.” He let his hand drop and gave him a smile despite the ominous aura rolling off the guy. “Seems like everybody I’ve met so far has had nothin’ but good things to say about you. You’re a legend.”

“Hmm.”

Abby clapped her hands, “Okay! Now that we’re all friends, I need to go have a word with Willow really quick. Charon, you can get to know Butch a little while I’m gone, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

He folded his arms and shrugged, “I will wait here until you return for me.”

“Alrighty. I’ll be right back!”

“Hmm.”

Butch waved as she took off and put his hands in his pockets. “So… are you pre-war, too? Or is that somethin’ I shouldn’t ask a ghoul. I’m sorry if it’s not. I’m not really sure on the etiquette here.”

Carol laughed, “No, it’s alright. Most ghouls don’t mind answering questions like that, but Charon here doesn’t remember a lot about his past. He’s been around a long time though. I can remember when he showed up with Ahzrukhal and that must’ve been… oh, seventy-five or a hundred years ago? Maybe more.” She shrugged, “Years kind of all start to run together after a certain point, you know.”

“Oh.”

Charon took a deep breath and turned to Carol, “I would like a minute alone with the smoothskin.”

She frowned up at him, “Why?”

“Just to talk.”

“No shotgun?”

“No shotgun.”

“Alright then… you know, Greta had to clean up all that mess you made last time you ‘talked’ with somebody and then I had to hear about it for months after, so I had to ask.”

“I understand.”

“Hmm. Well… so long as it’s just words I guess it’s alright.” She gave Butch an apologetic smile. “I’ll see you around, sweetheart, okay? If I don’t catch you before you take off, please give my love to Gob next time you see him. And a great big hug.”

“Absolutely. You have my word. It was real nice meetin’ you!”

“You, too!” She gave Charon a stern look as she walked away. “Please try to be nice.”

“Hmm.”

The awkwardness grew exponentially as soon as she was out of the room until he felt like he could barely breathe. He glanced up at the ridiculously huge ghoul but he seemed happy just starin’ into space. Didn’t move a muscle. Barely even seemed to be alive.

“So… you’ve been helpin’ her out, huh? That’s nice.”

Charon finally turned and stared down at him with unblinking eyes, “What sort of game are you trying to play with Abby?”

“What?”

“I know who you are, Butch DeLoria.” He said his name with such brutal pronunciation it sounded like an insult. “I know all about your little gang and all the ways you used to hurt her. All the times you laughed about it with your friends. How small and afraid you always made her feel.”

“Oh.” Of course he did. This guy was basically her adopted daddy, wasn’t he? It made sense she’d have spilled the beans on all that shit to him during their travels together.

“Whatever the game is, you would be ill-advised to see it through to completion. She is no longer the little girl you used to torment.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And even if she were.” He leaned down so their faces were barely two inches apart. “There is nowhere on this planet that you could run to that I would not find you should you hurt her.”

He suddenly knew exactly why they called him Charon. The ferryman of death. Looking into his eyes felt a lot like how he’d always imagined standing before St. Peter would. Like he could see into his soul and knew exactly how filthy it was.

“I know. I’m not playin’ a game here. I swear I’m not.”

“Then why are you traveling with her?”

“It’s… kinda complicated. I know I was a jerk in the past, and God only knows what she told you about me, but despite all that bullshit, we’re friends now. Best friends. I’d never hurt her, and if she’ll let me, I’m gonna spend the rest of my life proving that.” He folded his arms, too, and scowled at him. “And no offense or anything, but my reasons are my own and frankly none of your damn business.”

They stared at each other in heated silence. It reminded Butch a little of meeting Mac, except he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to convince this particular admirer of Abby’s that he was a stand up kinda guy. He was clearly too smart for that. Knew too much already. Which was fine, really. He didn’t need anymore friends. He just also didn’t need some overprotective junkyard dog tearin’ his throat out when he wasn't lookin' or sabotaging what he was trying to build with her.

Charon finally spoke, “When Abby purchased my contract from my previous master, I splattered the evil bastard's brains across the bar. The only reason you are currently alive is she identified you as a friend and I am forbidden to hurt her friends. If that ever changes, I will not be as merciful to you as I was to Ahzrukhal. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.”

“Then we have nothing more to say to each other.” He stepped back and returned to staring off into space.

He sighed and shoved his hands back in his pockets. “Yeah… except no. I got somethin’ else to say.” The ghoul didn’t speak but did turn his gaze over to him. “Thank you. For keepin’ her safe and alive. She told me you taught her all that knife stuff and how to fight, and that you and Sarah dragged her outta that purifier thing when it redlined or whatever. I spent a long time thinkin’ she was dead and it’s mostly ‘cause of you that she isn’t, so… thank you. It felt like an honest to God miracle seein’ her again and even if you hate me forever, which I would totally understand if you did, I’m still grateful to you. You’re a good man, Charon. I’m glad she found you.”

His eyes narrowed for a moment before he resumed watching the wall above Butch’s head. “There is work to do.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll just uh --”

“Greta would probably appreciate help with her chores. Abby likes her for some reason that I do not understand.”

“Oh… okay, yeah. Sure. I’ll uh… I’ll just go introduce myself.”

“She is wearing a yellow dress today. Upstairs.”

“Okay.” Was this some weird kind of test? Or maybe some form of punishment. Everything he’d heard about Greta thus far screamed raging bitch so maybe both? “Thanks.”

“Hmm.”

Across the settlement, Abby let herself back inside and tsked irritably. Willow had shown a lack of remorse that, on anyone else, would have been shocking. On her, however, it was just typical. Now she had a list of names a mile long that she was going to have to go through to make sure no one else was having troubles. Maybe she should have Barrows put her on a permanent preventative antibiotic regiment. She couldn’t very well keep coming back here and then chasing down Willow’s endless parade of paramours. She had other things to do, other settlements to worry over.

Also, Sawbones was right. Fluids of that nature were particularly disgusting. The less of that she had to deal with, the better.

Since Butch was no doubt having a hoot entertaining Charon and Carol with his endless backlog of humorous stories and jokes, she headed for the Chop Shop. Barrows was easily the most sensible doctor she collaborated with. It shouldn’t take but a moment to get Willow’s shenanigans in check.

Abby politely knocked before poking her head in, “Barrows? Are you free right now?”

“Ah, smoothskin. Your timing, as ever, is impeccable.”

_ “Abby!” _

She jumped a bit when a familiar voice screeched her name and stared at the dark-haired girl waving excitedly at her from a nearby gurney. “Christine?!”

“Hey! Wow! What are the odds, right?”

“Uh…”

Doctor Barrows gave her a long-suffering sort of look. “So you  _ do _ know her?”

“Yes, we grew up in the vault together.”

She sniffed primly at him, “See? I told you so!”

“That you did. I don’t know why God is so determined to see you suffer, Lane, but damned if he isn’t.”

“What’s going on?”

He jerked his thumb towards her, “This one came in about an hour ago. Wailing and crying all over the damn place over some little scraped knee.”

“I could have an infection!”

“I told her out in the real world, nobody’s gonna change her diapers for her, but she wouldn’t listen. Parked herself here and now she won’t go. I would’ve had Charon toss her but she’s got that ridiculous suit on, so I thought maybe she wasn’t completely full of it when she said you were pals.”

“You’re a doctor! You’re supposed to help me!”

He spun around in his chair to properly glare at her. “I’m not wasting my precious supplies on some spoiled, whiny little vault brat!”

“Hmph!”

Abby sighed, “I’ll take care of it, Barrows.”

“Thanks, kiddo.”

“But I’m actually here because Underworld’s resident black widow seems bound and determined to start an epidemic of catastrophic proportions. We really need to think about putting Willow on a low dose of penicillin.  _ Permanently.” _

He snorted, “Agreed. I’ll start her first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you.” She moved across the room and sat next to Christine’s bed. “Now. What seems to be the trouble?”

She lowered her voice, “Abby, thank God you showed up when you did. I gotta be honest, this place gives me the willies and I was starting to get worried he was gonna eat me.”

“Why on earth would he eat you?”

“Cause he kept mumbling about it!”

She cast Barrows a chastising look, which he just laughed at. “I’m sorry. The humor here is a little dark at times. No one is actually going to eat you. That’s just a common misconception about ghouls and they like to have a little fun with it in Underworld.”

“Oh.”

“You’re perfectly safe here.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“M’hmm. So what’s wrong? Something with your knee, was it?”

“Yeah.” She pulled the sheet over and winced as she bent her leg. “I tripped, see? There was this big group of guys in power armor and they all started running towards me and I guess I kinda panicked. I took off and fell down outside. I didn’t even realize I was bleeding until I got in the building.”

“That was the Brotherhood. They were probably just excited because of your vault suit. You shouldn’t wear it in the wastes. People notice it right away. It’ll make you a target.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Tulip here can help you out. She runs Underworld Outfitters. If you tell her you’re fresh from the vault, she’ll probably give you a discount. She’s really nice.”

She laughed, “I feel like you know everybody out here. Everywhere I’ve been so far, people see the number on my back and immediately want to talk about you.”

Abby nodded along while she dug through her pack for her med kit. “I’ve been around, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Christine flopped back down and sighed, “It’s a  _ big _ world, though, huh? Everything’s so open. It kinda freaks me out sometimes.”

“It’s an adjustment.”

“M’hmm… y’know, I actually _screamed_ the first time it rained on me.”

She chuckled, “Thunder absolutely terrified me the first time I heard it. I hid in a rusted out old car for almost ten minutes before I realized what it actually was.”

“Oh, thank God. That makes me feel so much better. I was afraid I was just being a ninny.”

“No, it’s hard at first. The vault’s so… sterile. There’s no wind, no fluctuating temperatures. No uneven ground. I still trip over things all the time. It’s a lot to get used to.”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you been out?” Abby finally found her surgical shears and used them to carefully cut away the shredded fabric.

“Just a week. I couldn’t take it anymore.” She wrinkled her nose, “Susie’s been made Amata’s assistant now.  _ Executive administrative assistant. _ She thinks she can boss everybody around, like even worse than before. Stanley and I had already been working around the clock to fix stuff now that the war’s over and all, but she’d show up like three times a day to yell at us for not going fast enough. We can only work so fast! There’s just four hands between us!”

“That was an… interesting decision for Amata to make.”

“Yeah, well, honestly, I dunno how much of a choice she really had. You know how the Macks are. I’m pretty sure it was give Susie a cushy job or deal with another uprising.”

She shook her head, “That’s awful.”

“I know! So I finally had enough. Threw my screwdriver down, packed a bag and headed out. Amata tried to convince me to stay but I told her to shove it. I feel bad about leaving poor old Stanley behind though. I told him he should come with me but he wouldn’t. He said he couldn’t leave the vault to just fall apart.”

“Good old Stanley.”

“Yeah, he was really nice… I was so mad when I got my assignment to work in maintenance, but he always made it interesting. And I was actually kinda good at it, too, so I guess the G.O.A.T. wasn’t all crap.”

“If you really enjoyed that kind of work, they could always use another engineer here in Underworld.” She looked up at Barrows loud throat clearing and shrugged at his adamant head shaking. “Or in Rivet City. Actually, that’s where I’d go if I were you. Lots of people coming and going and everything. It’s a pretty exciting place to live.” Barrows gave her a thumbs up and she rolled her eyes a little.

Christine wasn’t  _ that _ bad. Goodness gracious.

“That’s actually where I was headed! I kinda got turned around though.”

“Yeah, the maps on our PipBoys aren’t exactly current. Downtown DC can get a little confusing.”

“No joke! Everything’s so blown up and all. If it’s this bad now, I’m glad I wasn’t there to see it when it first happened.”

“From what I’ve heard, there was a lot of fire and pillaging.”

“Yikes.”

“M’hmm.” She wiped away the dirt and dried blood from her knee. “You won’t need stitches. Just some disinfectant and a stim should do it.”

“Oh, good. I was probably being a little silly, but I dunno anything about the germs out here. I guess I kinda freaked out.”

Abby nodded, “It’s good to err on the side of caution, but next time you should really listen to your doctor. Especially a doctor like Barrows here. He was a surgeon pre-war, you know. Really top notch stuff. He wouldn’t steer you wrong.”

“Well, he should work on his bedside manner a little if he’s supposed to be so great.” She glared at him and stuck her tongue out when he made a face at her.

“That’s probably true.”

Christine watched her work for a bit and wiggled a bit, “Sooo…”

“So?”

“Did Butch find you?”

Her head came up and she frowned a little, “You knew he was looking for me?”

“Pfft. The whole vault knew! Susie made sure of that with all her screaming and everything. Really showed her ass to the world there. It was embarrassing. I was  _ embarrassed _ for her.”

“What?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you about the fight?” She shook her head, “Wow. Well, no, that makes sense. He’s a lot different than he used to be. He’s hardly talked to anybody in years. I bet that was weird, right? Getting used to how quiet he is now? You know, Wally started calling him Lurch on account of how he never talked. Just kinda moped around.” She pouted, “I feel kinda bad about that, too. I mean, if he’s been secretly carrying a torch for you forever, and then you were suddenly gone, then  _ of course _ he’d be all messed up in the head after. It’s kinda romantic if you think about it, like um… oh! Like  _ Phantom of the Opera!  _ Except, you know, he didn’t go crazy and kidnap you or anything… so maybe not really like  _ Phantom of the Opera.” _ A thoughtful frown crossed her face, “What is it like? Hmm.”

“What?”

“Oh! Nope! I got it!  _ The Princess Bride!  _ Did you ever see that? Buttercup thinks Wesley died, but really he’s just trapped with the pirates and then he finds out she’s supposed to be married and comes back but she doesn’t recognize him and --”

“Christine.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you start over? I’m… I’m sorry, I’m just very confused. Susie and Butch fought about  _ me?” _

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah! Of course I’m sure! I had to hear about it for _ages_ after!” She rolled her eyes, “Susie was such a pill about the whole thing. He really didn’t tell you about it at all?”

“No, not really. He said there was a fight but he didn’t really give me any details on it.”

“Huh. Okay, well, I was there for most of it. Not the start, but y’know, she’s  _ loud _ so everybody kinda came running when the screeching started.”

“Right.”

“Alright, so, it was just outside the cafeteria. I guess he’d tried to get her someplace public so she wouldn’t cause a scene, but obviously that didn’t work. I got there right as she beaned him square in the face with a napkin dispenser. Gave him a bloody nose and everything. I asked her what was going on and she starts on this huge tirade about how she’d wasted her life waiting for him and she’d given him everything and blah blah blah.” She scoffed, “As if we don’t all know she slept with Paulie _months_ before she ever got with Butch. So I was thinking, oh, she must have finally stopped waiting for him to pop the question and proposed instead and he must’ve said no. But  _ no, _ it was so much  _ worse! _ He’d tried to break things off for good and she’d demanded to know why and when he tried all the usual stuff… y’know, it's not you it’s me, we’re just too different,  _ whatever, _ he told her the truth. That he’d always been in love with somebody else and he was tired of pretending he wasn’t.”

She grinned at Abby’s wide-eyed expression and nodded, “I _know,_ right? God, I wish you could’ve seen her face. She was _ so pissed!  _ Ha! Now I’m not gonna lie, a little tiny part of me kinda hoped maybe he was talking about me. I mean, we got together a few times, but I’d always assumed it was more about our mutual hatred of Susie than anything else from his side. But nope! It was  _ you!  _ This whole time! The second she spat it at him, I was like how did I never see that before?! It made perfect sense! Of  _ course _ he’d always been in to you! Of course he was! I mean, Jesus, when we were kids, he couldn’t keep his hands off you, right? Always following you around and stuff. And then after you left, he got all weird and quiet and depressed. I felt like a big dummy for not putting that together. Especially since she’d obviously noticed ages ago. I mean, I know I’m not that bright, but I thought I was at least smarter than _Susie.”_

Somehow she remembered to breathe and managed a nod. “Right.”

“So then she’s screaming again about how he’s an _idiot_ if he thinks you’ll even look twice at him now. That even before you became some big hero, you were too snooty to get with some degenerate like him. That you didn’t even care enough about him to say hello when you came back. Which I didn’t think was fair, really. I mean, come on. If even half the stuff in Amata’s file about you was true, then of course you had other things on your mind than hanging out with people. Jeez.” She shook her head, “Anyway! She started calling you a bunch of names, of course, like any of it was your fault, and he finally spoke up and told her to shut her mouth. That he didn’t care what she said about him, but he wasn’t about to let her badmouth his girl all over the place. It was so sweet, but kinda scary, too, because I was like  _ wow, _ he’s totally going to wreck Susie if she keeps on. But then she like, y’know, went nuts. Tackled him like some kind of animal. Smacked him a bunch and whatever. I tried pulling her off but she scratched me. Wally finally showed up and dragged her off. I got Butch some ice and told him I thought the two of you would be adorable together, and he said thanks and then locked himself back in his quarters. I think Wally tried to arrest him later but that didn’t really pan out for him. There were like a million witnesses who saw it all go down and he never even tried to defend himself once so there was nothing to actually bust him on. Then one day he was just gone. Didn’t even say goodbye. Just walked right out the vault.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah. So did it take him long to find you?”

“Uh… he said it was a while. Almost two months.”

“Oh, _gosh._ Poor Butchie! I bet he was freaking out after he couldn’t track you down.”

“Yeah.” The memory of finding him down in the Muddy Rudder was suddenly front and center in her mind. Him sitting at the bar all alone looking so uncharacteristically despondent. Camped out there for a month according to Miss Bonny. At the time, she’d just assumed he was having difficulties adjusting to life outside the vault. But if Christine’s crazy story was accurate, he was there because of  _ her. _ Not just because he wanted to make amends or because he’d truly believed they were best friends after she’d helped save his mother, but because he…

Oh, God.

“Hey, speaking of, kinda, I’m really glad we ran into each other. I wanted to talk to you when you came back, but there was so much going on. I’m really sorry for… well, for pretty much everything that happened once we hit junior high. I really missed us being friends. It’s just… I mean, you and Amata were always so smart, y’know? You guys would go on and on about stuff and I would just sit there having no idea what the heck you were talking about. Susie and Janice were mean and all, but I never felt stupid around them so I just kinda... y'know. Drifted away from you guys, I guess.”

Abby blinked at her, “What? We made you feel stupid?”

“Well…  _ yeah. _ Why did you think we stopped being friends?”

“Oh, I… I just thought you were more interested in boys and things.”

She laughed, “Well, that might have been part of it, too. But nah, I mean, you guys were always so nice and supportive and I missed that. I used to think Susie was nice, but she’s not. She never was. I’m sorry. I wish I’d just sucked it up a little and hung in there. Being the dumb one wasn’t anywhere near as bad as being her best friend. I’d take being a dink over that any day.”

“You aren’t a dink. Christine, I can’t speak for Amata, but I certainly never thought you were stupid. Silly, sometimes, yes, but not in a _bad_ way. You aren’t stupid. Not at all.”

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you to say.”

“Well, you’re welcome… and I mean it, you’re not… I mean, you’re an engineer. I know in the vault that was kind of looked down upon, but it takes a lot of brainpower and very specialized intelligence to do the kinds of things you and Stanley did. Your skills out here are valued in a big way. You’re going to be somebody. I know you will.”

“God, Abby.” Christine laughed again and wiped at her eyes, “You actually made me cry with all that. See? This is what I missed. This is what friendship should feel like. I was definitely an idiot to throw that away just to be popular.”

“Everybody does idiotic things when they’re young.” She held out her hand, “Friends?”

“Friends. _Forever.”_ She shook her hand and smiled brightly. “I love your hair, by the way. Butch do that?”

“He did.”

“So you finally let him, huh?” She giggled, “Well… bet you let him do a lot more than that, huh? You lucky duck.”

“More than cut my hair?”

“Oh, come on. It’s just us girls.” Christine paused to narrow her eyes at Barrows, “And whatever he’s supposed to be, I guess.”

“What?”

“You’re seriously super lucky though. I know you don’t have a lot of experience and all and he was probably your first, but I can tell you for a  _ fact _ that you basically won the lottery here. I mean, I’m not into him anymore and I’m not trying to be weird or gross or anything, but that thing he does with his mouth? You know? You know the thing? I’m pretty sure he’s like the _only_ guy on the planet who does that.  _ Definitely _ the only one in the vault. I dunno about out here yet.” She frowned thoughtfully, “Do you think they do it differently out here? Like, wasteland guys have moves vault guys don’t?”

“I have no idea.”

“Hmm. Guess I’ll just have to find out for myself.” She winked at her, “It’ll be fun investigating anyway.”

“You should be careful. It’s not like the vault out here. There’s real diseases.”

“I thought we had VD and stuff, right? They’ve actually got  _ worse _ out here?”

“No, the vault was actually free from all sexually transmitted diseases. It's original inhabitants were all screened thoroughly before being allowed to stay. The adults just pushed that lie on the kids to try and curb experimenting outside of marriage. I only found out when I graduated and became a full doctor and then I was sworn to secrecy.”

She snorted, “God, what assholes. They _sucked.”_

“Yes, they did. They sucked at a lot of things.”

“M’hmm. Hey, is Butch here with you now?”

“Oh, he’s… I left him with Charon at Carol’s.”

“Okay, well, don’t tell him I’m here, alright? I probably look completely pathetic right now with my little booboo and all. I’m going to head straight for Rivet City and get all set up there and  _ then _ we should all hang out. Get lunch or something and catch up! Give me, like, a month. I should be wasteland cool by then.”

“Oh. Okay. Um… here, let me see your PipBoy, alright?”

“Sure.” She held up her arm and watched as Abby connected them. “What for?”

“I’m going to upload my custom maps so you can actually find your way around.”

“Oh, nice! Thanks!”

“M’hmm.” A little chime sounded and she disconnected them before turning around. “Barrows, may I borrow some paper?”

“Yup.” He tossed her a pad and a pen and immediately went back to his work.

“Thanks.”

Christine leaned over and read as she wrote. “Please escort my friend, Miss Christine Kendall, to Rivet City. Thank you. Knight Abby Lane, Lyons Pride BOS… hey, what’s that you’re drawing at the bottom?”

“Oh, it’s my um… See, I'm technically in the Brotherhood and some of us have a special symbol and this one is mine. This way they know the note is legit.”

Her head tilted as she studied the doodle, “What is that? A bunch of sparkles?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, “A lot of people call me Abracadabra so my symbol is magic sparkles, I guess.”

“Oh, that’s so cute! Can I call you Abracadabra, too?”

“Sure.” She tore off the page and handed it to her. “If you stand outside with Willow, you’ll eventually see a line of men in power armor walking by. They won’t hurt you. Just walk up to the first one and hand them this and they should get you to Rivet City no problem.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

“Sure.”

“Who’s WIllow?”

“The… there wasn’t a ghoul outside when you showed up?”

“No, I thought this place was deserted until I came inside.”

“Oh. She must have been on a break… well, there’s a ghoul with red hair named Willow who's usually standing around outside. She’s friendly and she’ll keep you safe until the next patrol shows up.”

“Cool.” She grimaced, “I feel  _ super _ silly for running away from them. Especially since they're your friends and all. That was dumb.”

“No, that was smart. You should always listen to your instincts out here. If it had been anyone  _ but _ the Brotherhood, you would have been in danger so… it was a good call.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” She still had no idea what the heck to do with this new, extremely disturbing information on Butch’s inexplicable feelings towards her. If it were all true. Which she was still having trouble making herself believe in the first place. “Hey, can I ask you something real quick before I go?”

“Sure!”

“Uh… okay, well, have you ever… I mean, if a man, um…”

Her eyebrows slowly rose, “Is this a question about something Butch has done? Or something you want him to do?”

“Um… it’s more a question about typical behavior between males and females.”

She giggled, “You always sound so science-y whenever you say anything. I’d forgotten that.”

“Sorry. I just --”

“Nah, it’s cute. Ask away and I will do my best to understand the question.”

Abby laughed nervously, “Okay. It’s… have you ever heard of a man who was friends with a woman having her sit in his lap?”

“Sit in his lap?”

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

“About an hour.”

“Under what circumstances exactly?”

She blinked at her. This level of focus was something she’d never seen on Christine’s face in her entire life, but she supposed everyone had some area of expertise and this was apparently hers. “Just… sitting outside.”

Christine sucked in a breath, “Time of day?”

“Uh… nighttime? Twilight and a little beyond.”

She blew out it out and stared at her with wide, worried eyes. “Did this actually happen to you? Like you and some guy?”

“Yes.”

“Gosh! You didn’t tell Butch, did you?!”

“Uh, no.”

“Oh, thank God! I can’t even… I mean, he would beat a guy unmerciful for that!”

“For what?”

“He was coming onto you, silly! Goodness! How did you not notice that?!”

“I thought maybe that was just something friends did.”

She snorted, “Yeah, friends with  _ benefits, _ maybe.”

“So it’s not like a normal, innocent, platonic kind of --”

“No! No, of course it’s not!”

“Oh.”

Christine clucked her tongue, “Wow. Butch is really gonna have his hands full with you, huh? You're like a babe in the woods. Then again, he kinda deserves it, if you ask me. He probably got spoiled all those years in the vault. Never having to worry about another guy showing interest in you since he’d poisoned the well and all. But out here, you’re a catch, right? I mean, really you always were but the guys we grew up with were all too stupid to notice. Huh. I wonder if wasteland guys are smarter than vault guys, too?”

“You sound like an anthropologist.”

“What’s that?”

“A scientist who studies mankind.”

“Ha! Wow. I may have really missed my calling.”

“M’hmm… well, I should probably…”

“Right! Right. Romeo awaits!” She grinned and wagged a finger at her, “Now don’t go telling him about your guy friend. I mean, unless you _want_ him to wind up six feet under. Just tell the jerk to keep his mitts to himself from now on.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“And I won’t breathe a word of it to anybody. Cross my heart. I’m really rooting for you two, you know? I meant what I told Butch. The whole idea of the two of you together is  _ crazy _ cute.”

“Oh, uh… thanks.”

“Yup!” She wavered cheerfully, “I’ll see you soon, okay! Rivet City! Don’t forget!”

“I won’t.” Abby stood and shouldered her pack. “Oh. Ask for Seagrave when you arrive. He’s in charge of maintenance there and he’s always going on about how overworked he is. He’ll probably offer you a job on the spot if you tell him about your training and all.”

“Oh, great! Thanks!”

“Sure. Bye.”

“Bye, Abby!”

She left the Chop Shop in something of a daze. Christine was a lot of things, but she’d never been wrong before when it came to hot gossip in the vault. Was she really supposed to be Butch’s secret lady? That seemed insane. Had he maybe just used her as a cover for whoever he’d left behind?

That made more sense, didn’t it? Surely it did. She wasn’t even Butch’s type as far as she knew. He’d always gone for very pretty, well put together girls. The kind who happily wore perfect lipstick everyday and didn’t have to be bribed and cajoled into dresses. He liked curvy girls with ample everything and…

She was just completely wrong for him. He _must_ have been trying to protect his actual love interest from Susie’s legendary wrath. Susie had always been overly jealous of any girl he even gave a passing glance to, and as far as Abby knew, she was the first girl he’d ever just been friends with, so it was completely plausible that she’d mistook friendship for something more and then when he’d told her he loved someone else, that jealousy combined with the completely coincidental timing of her recent departure must have made her assume Abby was the girl he loved. That was the only logical explanation she could accept.

And last night’s picnic was just… she frowned thoughtfully. What had that been? The way Christine reacted, there was only one way to interpret such actions. But she’d forgotten to mention he’d been worried about her getting chilled in such high wind. That might have swung her opinion in a different direction entirely.

It had also been a while since Butch had been in the vault and around his lady. Maybe he was just lonely or missing physical contact with another human being? She'd never required it as often as others seemed to, but him giving her a hug now and again had felt pretty nice. And he was a very earthy kind of person. Even when he was just talking to someone, he’d almost always find some way to touch them. A handshake or a pat on the shoulder or something.

That was probably it. He just missed being cuddly with someone and she was there so it had happened. It wasn't a big deal. She was freaking out over nothing. Susie and the others in the vault were no doubt just confused like her friends at the Citadel were. She and Butch had a very unique, odd sort of friendship that was difficult for even her to get a handle on and she was in the middle of it. From the outside, goodness only knew how it appeared.

“Hey, gorgeous. There you are.”

Her head snapped up and she stared at Butch standing at the top of the stairs. Even holding a mop, he was still ridiculously handsome. More so than any man had a right to be, surely. She had no idea how he managed that. If he purposefully worked at it or if it was just some inborn ability. He always looked like he’d just stepped off a movie set somewhere.

So there it was. That right there was proof. Nobody as attractive and popular and wonderful as him ended up with somebody like her. A person so ridiculously awkward and odd that they didn’t even know what the hell they were. He needed a proper leading lady. Someone poised and beautiful and amazing. A Sarah Lyons type. She was maybe the only woman Abby could actually see a man like Butch being with long-term. Not some scrawny little weirdo like her.

Still though, it was kind of hard to remember all that when he was beaming down at her. Eyes all sparkly and bright. She could still remember the other girls swooning over his eyes in the bathroom back in the day. Furtive notes passed back and forth during class about how dreamy they were. She’d thought it was so silly at the time, but they kind of had a point. Sometimes it was hard to even remember her own name when he looked at her.

Oh, no. Was this all her? Did she have some ridiculous, misbegotten crush on her best friend? What kind of nonsense was that?

“Hi.”

“Greta’s got me breakin’ my back up here. Please say you’ve come to save me, oh great Lone Wanderer.”

“We should really get going back to the Citadel to handle this Bigsley business and then home to Megaton.”

“Ha ha! There’s the magic words! I’m free!” He disappeared into the hotel and hollered, “You hear that, ya harpy! I’m leavin’! Feel free to shove this mop where the sun don't shine! Ha!”

Greta’s gravelly voice answered, “So go on and get then! Who needs you, asshole!”

He was laughing as he came out and trotted down the stairs, “This place is pretty nice. I like Underworld.”

“Oh, good.” She couldn’t look at him. Not directly. Instead she kept her eyes safely glued to her toes. She was so embarrassed and felt beyond stupid for believing Christine’s interpretation of things for even a second she could hardly stand it.

“It’ll be nice to be home though.” His arm draped around her shoulders casually like she’d seen him do a thousand times with Wally and Paulie. Perfectly normal. Just like she was one of the guys. Certainly nothing to get excited over.

“M’hmm.”

“Oh, wait, don’t you need to go say adios to Charon? I don’t want him to think I’m kidnapping you or anything. Guy’s liable to put my nuts in a vice over it.”

“Oh. Oh, right. Of course. I’ll just be a moment.” She darted away and hated herself for the little shiver that went up her spine at his chuckle.

“I’ll be here. Waitin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title quote is from Longfellow: "Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."
> 
> Also I refuse to acknowledge any universe in which 'The Princess Bride' does not exist.


	14. Where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence.

Butch had, in his day, more than dabbled in his fair share of trouble. Mostly small, petty crimes. Occasionally, even big, capitol T trouble where words like 'incarceration' and 'prosecution' got thrown around. But he’d never been in the kind of trouble Scribe Bigsley was in for. Abby’s growing ire had swept up not only Sentinel Lyons, but also Star Paladin Cross in its wake as she’d ranted and raved her way through the Citadel before hitting the Jefferson Memorial.

Cross was especially pissed because she not only knew Abby, she’d known her parents to boot. According to her, she’d been the one to guard them when they first worked on the purifier, and the one who’d escorted James and an infant Abby to Megaton before they made it into the vault. She wasn’t just a friend, she was a _godmother._ Keeping the Lanes and their work safe was a lifelong aspiration.

They’d all but forgotten him upon arrival and that was just fine with him. Having the undivided attention of three incredibly dangerous, angry ladies, wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time. No matter how hot they all were. Especially what with Cross being half robot or whatever. Cyborg. Somethin'. Sarah was terrifying in her own right, too. Her knowledge of combat and surgical skills with a laser rifle were legend for a damn good reason.

Then, of course, you had Abby.

She was sitting at Scribe Bigsley’s terminal. Reading glass perched on her nose lookin' like the world's sexiest, scariest librarian. It had taken her all of thirty seconds to hack his security. Now she sat scoffing and mumbling at his private log entries. Butch had taken up point behind her, resting his ass on a low bookshelf. Keepin' busy idly tidying his nails with Toothpick and trying to not chuckle at the impression of the guy she did whenever she read his log out loud.

“Oh, this one’s peachy.” She pitched her voice high and whiny, _ “I'm seriously considering murdering these Project Purity lab coats. Ungrateful, whining, good-for-nothing, bothersome ingrates the lot of them. _ I’m sure my parents would really appreciate their colleagues being called all those names and threatened with death.”

Cross scowled, “Does  _ he _ have the knowledge needed to keep the purifier running? I think not! Civilian scientists cannot be expected to endure in the wastes as well as someone in the Brotherhood. They simply haven’t had the training. It is our sworn duty to protect them! They’re our guests!”

“Well, then he’s a terrible host, too, isn’t he?”

“If this idiot’s overwhelmed with his job, then he should have said something. I’ve gotten zero requests from him for extra assistance. Zero. Rothchild’s been watching him like a hawk after he flunked out of the other Orders. He’s obviously self-sabotaging again.”

“He’s an imbecile!” She angrily punched the keys and practically growled at the screen. “Oh, here’s the one about that ghoul I told you all about.” She cleared her throat and did the voice again,  _ “So this Ghoul from Underworld, Griffon, offered to pay me for shipments of water. Lyons wouldn't approve, but I don't care. We need the caps and the technology he's offering. I can use it to fund the other deliveries.” _

“How dare he! He knows the Elder would not condone his actions and yet he does them anyway!”

“Dad's always hated this jerk. I’m starting to see why.”

_ “One day Lyons will come to his senses and agree that selling the water is the smartest thing. Let supply and demand fuel the delivery system. This bleeding heart charity of his is going to bring down the Brotherhood. We're at war! We shouldn't be expending resources on delivering water. At any rate, we can do that after we wipe out the Enclave. Sometimes I wonder if Lyons has gone senile.” _

Heavy silence hung in the room and Butch surreptitiously watched the women scowl at each other from under his lashes.

“That  _ asshole.” _

“To speak in such a manner against one’s Elder is an offense that in and of itself warrants a court martial. That is  _ not _ what Codex means when it says ‘Through discourse, we gain the strength of our Brothers' minds.’ One can disagree with a policy but still be respectful about it.”

“Agreed.  _ I should delete this entry in case someone important audits my files. Ah, screw it. It might be time for me to leave the Brotherhood, anyway. Not sure where'd I go, though.” _

He whistled, “Wow. Guy’s just down with burnin’ all his bridges, huh?”

Sarah snorted, “Were it not for the Brotherhood, Bigsley would have been dead years ago. You’d think he’d be a little more grateful.”

“Sentinel, what are your orders?”

“I only see this ending one way, but let’s see what this bastard has to say for himself first.”

Cross nodded in agreement, “We must adhere to the Codex above all else. He has a right to defend himself.”

“The Codex says any court martial must be presided over by the Elder though.”

“Hmm. Knight Lane has a good point. It would not be wise to make Elder Lyons endure such a spectacle at this juncture.”

“That’s fine. There’s nothing in the Codex that outlines a timeframe. We can hold him indefinitely if we want to.”

“It does say he has the right to a public trial without unnecessary delay, though. I’m pretty sure Elder Maxson the first borrowed that from the sixth amendment of the constitution.”

She shrugged, “What’s unnecessary? Our Elder has been experiencing headaches and needs lots of rest to recuperate from the war with the Enclave, as ordered by his private physician. I don’t think postponing things until he feels better would be considered unnecessary by any reasonable Brother or Sister.”

Abby grinned at her, “Careful, you almost sound like a politician there.”

Cross chuckled, “Or an Elder.”

“That, too.”

“Stop it with the jokes, Lane. I have to maintain my game face over here.”

“Apologies, ma’am.”

“Copy his logs onto a holo for me. We’ll need it for evidence.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The office door suddenly opened with a bang. A beleaguered, bristly scribe in the traditional red robes of his Order came stomping in. He froze when he saw Abby sitting at his desk and pointed an accusatory finger at her.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! That’s  _ my _ terminal!”   


She sat up a little straighter and squared her shoulders, “This terminal is property of the Brotherhood of Steel, Scribe. You own nothing here.”

Butch couldn’t help but smirk at her tone. It had been a while since he'd heard her use that cranky duchess voice on anyone but him. Turned out it was way sexier when she was usin' it to give somebody else the business.

“I’ll have you --”

“Hold your tongue, Bigsley.” Cross spoke up and he took immense satisfaction from seeing the guy nearly shit his pants when he realized who was standing behind him.

Sarah glared at him, “You stand accused of treason, Scribe.”

“Wh-what?! What are the charges?!”

Cross counted them off, “Conspiring with outsiders, disobeying your Elder’s orders, not holding true to the Codex, misappropriation of resources, dereliction of duty --”

“Now wait just a minute! I’ve done a lot of things, but I have _not_ shirked my duties here! I’ve barely slept since I got this assignment! Everyone was so excited about that purifier: ‘Project Purity this’ and ‘Project Purity that.’ But did anyone stop to ask, ‘Hey, what are we going to  _ do _ with all that clean water?’ No! So, guess who gets to fill in that tiny detail. It'd be one thing if I had support, but I don't! And to top it all off, I have to play mommy to a bunch of lab coats, too!”

“If you aren’t up to the task, you should have told Rothchild as much and he would have had you reassigned.”

“I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction!”

“So your ego is more important than the wasteland having clean water?” Abby stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Helping the wasteland is what the Lyons doctrine is all about!”

“Elder Lyons has no idea what the wastes are even like anymore! I’m doing everything I can to keep this place running! Take, for example, this ghoul, Griffon. He wanted to  _ purchase _ a bunch of water. What the hell does that droopy irradiated fool need with pure water? Thinks he can sell it in Underworld.  _ Moron. _ But, he's the only one who's offered to  _ pay _ for water, in caps  _ and _ technology. And what Lyons doesn't know won't hurt him. There's plenty of water to go around! I can use those caps to pay Rivet City to provide security for all the caravans we can't escort ourselves. I'm lucky he came along. Rothchild wouldn’t understand that! Elder Lyons wouldn’t, either! He’s a looney old man who --”

“Shut your mouth!” Sarah grabbed him by the collar and shook him hard. “If you think I’m going to stand here and let some little worm like you talk about my father that way, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Cross quickly and carefully pulled her away from the terrified scribe. “Sentinel Lyons, I beg your pardon, ma’am, but he is still protected by the Codex.”

She ground her teeth, “Right.”

“Elder Lyons would not want you to tarnish your honor defending him from the empty words of a buffoon.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. Thank you, Cross.”

“You are welcome… also I feel you should know the only reason I myself have not struck him down is because I am bound by the Codex. As are we all.”

“Butch isn’t.” Abby glanced at him over her shoulder and smiled. “Are you?”

He grinned back, “That’s true. I’m just some dirty wastelander. I’ve never even read your Codex. There’s no pictures or nothin’.”

“It is a bit of a dry read.” Sarah chuckled, “Star Paladin Cross. Please close and guard the door.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She clomped out of the office and quietly shut the door behind her.

“Mr. DeLoria.”

“Ms. Lyons.”

Her smile grew, “Would you mind trading places with me?”

“Not at all.” He winked at Abby as he passed her and circled the desk. “You gonna ask, angel, or should I just read your mind?”

A little grin appeared on her face, excited and shy. That and the way her eyes were sparkling behind her specs was definitely doin’ something for him south of the border. Kinda had him wishing he could drag her into some dark corner when all this was over.

Some other time, though. Definitely.

Her eyes darted from his to Bigsley and the smile on her face turned just short of vicious. “Revelation 21:6. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.  _ Freely, _ you disgusting, contemptible wretch.  _ No one _ pays for this water. This purifier exists for  _ everyone. _ Brotherhood, wastelander, raider, ghouls, super mutants. If someone wants it, we give it to them. That was my mother’s dream and my father’s mission. This place and this water belong to  _ them, _ from before I was even born until eternity. You have no right to turn people away and no right to charge the less fortunate. You, sir, are a _blasphemer_ and if it were in my rights, I would have you executed. But, as I _am_ a knight in the Brotherhood of Steel who respects both the Codex and my beloved Elder, I can only say this. Butch?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“Will you please take out the trash for me?”

“With pleasure.”

Sarah smirked at him one last time and then took Abby by the shoulders, “Turn around, Lane. Plausible deniability.”

“Right.”

Bigsley had backed himself into a corner and was staring at Butch with wide, terrified eyes. “What… what are you going to do?”

He popped his knuckles and cracked his neck before shaking it all out. “My absolute best.”

Abby jumped a little at the pitiful wheezing sound Bigsley made as Butch began to pummel him and started to look over her shoulder when Sarah nudged her.

“Nuh-uh. Eyes forward, soldier.”

“Right.” She looked at the wall in front of them, slipped her glasses back into their protective case in her pocket, and tried to not think about why her heart was racing. “So who’ll take over?”

“I’ll have Cross act as administrator until we can figure out a permanent solution. She doesn't know anything about science, but she knows this place and she knows scientists, so… at least with her we know things will be done right.”

“That’s a good idea.” Abby worried her lip a little and frowned as a little zip of lightening ran up her spine at Butch’s malevolent laughter. “Um…” She lowered her voice to a whisper, “Can I ask you something? It’s of a personal nature.”

She grinned and whispered back, “Already got a bun in the oven, Lane?”

“What?! No!”

“M’hmm.”

“I do not! That’s not what the question was about!”

“Really? Shoot. That means I lost the pool.” She shrugged, “Okay, ask away.”

“You’ve had… you know, a lot of experience with men.”

“Right.”

“So… have you ever had a crush? I mean, I know plenty of people have crushed on you, but… have you ever crushed on anyone?”

"Why do you always ask the weirdest questions? Are you trying to be funny again? You know I hate that."

"Sarah, I'm serious. Please? Have you?"

She nodded, “Sure. A few times.”

“How did you know it was a crush and not something else? Like, very intense friendship?”

“Uh…” Her head tilted as she mulled it over. “Well, I usually realize it when I can’t stop thinking about them and… you know, want to get in their pants. I don’t typically feel that way about my friends.”

“Okay.” Well, she certainly had him on her mind a lot here lately. She wasn’t so sure about the pants thing as she’d never wanted anyone in her pants, thank you very much. But certainly that night they bunked together had gone in an extraordinarily surprising kind of way. She couldn’t really stop thinking about that either. Abby waited for the lull between punches to be over before speaking again, “How do you make them go away?”

“Make a crush go away?”

“Yes.”

Her eyes got wide for a moment before narrowing,  _ “Lane.” _

“What?”

She practically hissed at her, “I’m surprised at you!”

“About what?”

“You show up with  _ that _ hunk of meat on your arm and you’re telling me you’re crushing on somebody else already?! What’s wrong with you!”

“No! That’s not… I’m not…”

“Oh.  _ Oooh, _ wait, is this for one of the Lamplight kids? Somebody’s going through their first bout of puppy love and they were dumb enough to come to you about it?”

“Well they certainly aren't dumb, but yes, they did actually.”

She snickered, “That’s funny.”

Abby couldn’t help but smile, “Haha. Got you to laugh.”

“Oh, shut up. Okay, if it’s for the kids, then of course I’ll help. Alright. In my experience, you can’t really make a crush go away by force.”

“You can’t?”

“Nope. In fact, the more you try to force it, the worse it’ll probably get.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, “You just have to let it run its course. All crushes eventually die. It’s no big deal. Everyone goes through them.”

“Oh… okay. Thanks.”

“No problem.” She leaned a little closer, “So DeLoria was your first everything then, huh? That’s kinda cute.”

“Uh…” She really hated lying to her like this. Even if it was just lying by omission, but Sarah had so much on her plate already. She didn’t need to add fretting over her lack of a love life to it. “He wasn’t my first kiss.”

“Oh,  _ scandal!” _

“This boy named Freddie kind of ambushed me at a dance.”

“Did DeLoria beat his ass?”

“Um… yes, actually. Several times, but I’m not sure if it was ever for that.”

“Pfft. I bet at least a few of those beatdowns were. I can’t see a guy like that being okay with some other jerk coming within fifty yards of you.”

“Do you think he’s the jealous type?”

“I’d say more the overprotective type, really, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. So long as he never tries to interfere in what you want to do, then it’s fine. Otherwise, you kick his ass until he shapes up or he ships out. Those are the options."

“Hmm… sometimes he says I shouldn’t work so hard.”

She rolled her eyes, “Well,  _ I’ve _ been saying that for ages now, so I think we can let that one slide.”

“Excuse me, ladies?”

They turned and Butch cheerfully waved at them. “Guy passed out on me. I hadn’t even got started on his face yet. Ridiculous. What kinda prissy porcelain soldiers you turnin’ out here, Lyons?”

She laughed, “You know, we might have to start using you as a test of some sort, DeLoria. Make all our guys go a few rounds with you in the ring. If they can’t last five minutes, they get sent back to boot camp.”

“Sure, I’d be down with that. So long as you’re payin’.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” She patted Abby on the shoulder, “Cross and I will escort Bigsley back to the Citadel and toss him in the brig. You two coming or did you want to try to make it home tonight?”

Oh, sure, let’s all just go back to the Citadel where their tiny airless torture chamber awaited. Maybe this time when she made a complete fool out of herself, he’d wake up before she did and then she could just _die_ from the spontaneous combustion that would no doubt follow. That sounded swell. “We should probably --”

“Course we’ll go back with you! It’s already too dark to head out for Megaton and there is  _ no _ place around here to sleep that I’m not gonna be hearin’ that purifier thing goin’. I mean, I’m sure it works good and all, but it’s  _ loud. _ Jesus.”

“Alright. See you there.” She stepped over and tsked at Bigsley’s pitiful form on the floor before grabbing his robe and knocking on the door after dragging him over. “Cross? We’re done here.”

“Understood.” She opened the door and immediately hefted the unconscious scribe over her shoulder. “Citadel?”

“Yup. He’s going straight in the pokey.”

“Wonderful.” She smiled at Abby and gave Butch a nod, “You’re assistance today is much appreciated, wastelander.”

“Yeah, no problem. Anytime.” He sat on the edge of the desk and pretended he had no idea why Abby looked so put out. “So? Roof or room?”

“I… we could have made it to Megaton.”

“I’d rather not risk it. The bike’ll attract a lot more nasties after dark.”

“I suppose.”

He pouted at her, “Are you mad at me?”

“What? No. Why would I be mad?” She folded her arms and scowled hard at the floor.

“I dunno. You seem a little miffed is all.”

“No, I’m not… I’m… it’s just… this Bigsley business. That’s all.”

“Oh. Right.” He didn’t buy it for a minute but still nodded. “Guy’s a first class jerk.”

“Yeah.”

Now her foot was tapping. For somebody who wasn’t mad, she was sure doing a fine impression of it. He winced internally. Maybe this was going too far. He couldn’t deny this was a purely selfish move on his part. He’d just wanted another night without any walls between them, but none of that mattered if she was gonna put up more internal defenses.

“Hey, y’know, if you really don’t wanna stay at the Citadel tonight, we don’t have to. I was just kinda hopin’ for another astronomy lesson. But it’s no big deal.” He shrugged and feigned disinterest as hard as he could when she looked up at him. “It’s just kinda hard to see the stars in Megaton with all that neon and shit. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Her whole body relaxed and some odd expression crossed her face. Almost looked like some kind of regret mixed with relief. “Well… sure. I don’t mind another lesson.”

“Yeah?”

“M’hmm. Just um…” She cleared her throat and looked away as her cheeks flushed. “Maybe I could sit somewhere else this time.”

“Oh.” Embarrassment washed over him. Shit. She must have caught onto his game. “Yeah, I’m… sorry, I --”

“I just don’t think it’s respectful to your lady.”

He frowned, “Huh?”

Abby glanced over at him for a second and went back to contemplating the floor. “I just… people might get the wrong idea.”

“People?”

“Of course, I know you didn’t mean anything by it. You don’t think about me like that or whatever, but it probably looked like something untoward was going on from the outside.” Her fingers laced together and she smiled brightly at him. “I would just hate for… I mean, I know you aren’t attracted to me or anything. That would be crazy. I would just hate for her to get the wrong idea and maybe not want to be friends with me.”

“What?”

“I mean, all this nonsense with the Brotherhood thinking we're together can be explained away fairly easily. So that's not as much of an issue. It’s just that, I like things as they are and it’s going to be difficult enough adjusting to the change once you’re gone and everything. Not being able to even sometimes see you because of someone’s misplaced jealousy would just be  _ awful.” _ The fake smile finally faded from her face and she went back to staring at the floor. “You’re my best friend. I’d… I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Come here.” He held his arms open and the hesitant way she shuffled over, like she knew she really shouldn’t but wanted to anyway, broke his heart. Letting her believe he had someone else on the back burner had clearly been a terrible idea. Course the problem with terrible ideas was they usually looked brilliant right up until they didn't. Hindsight was a bitch. Butch wrapped his arms around her once she finally got close enough. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

Abby sniffled and shook her head before hiding her face against his neck. “You’ll have to someday.”

“Why?”

“Because you have to go back for her and I can’t go into the vault. Amata said so.”

“Hey, you can go anywhere you damn well please. Amata can blow it out her ass. If she wants to get pushy about shit, I’ll just pull rank on her. Big brother style.”

She almost laughed but it collapsed into a sob, “I’m going to miss you.”

“Hey, hey, hey, no. You don’t have to miss me ‘cause I’m  _ not going anywhere. _ It’s me and you. Tunnel Snakes forever. Remember?”

Why’d shit always have to go down this way? He’d always wanted her just like this, clinging desperately to him while he held her. But it was all wrong. _Again._ Why couldn’t the universe just do him one solid and grant him a wish without it being like some monkey’s paw thing? For fuck’s sake.

“Come on, angel. Look at me.” He waited for her to raise her head and smiled at her when she finally did. “It’s alright, okay? You haven’t done anything wrong. We haven’t done anything wrong. Nobody’s gonna be mad or jealous and, honestly, I wouldn’t wanna be with somebody who had a problem with us being friends in the first place, y’know? I had enough of that bullshit back in the vault.”

She nodded, “Yeah.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m dumb and all, but I’m not so dumb to go out and find a Susie 2.0, right? Gimme a little credit here.”

“Right.”

“Yeah. So… you can stop cryin’ now cause there’s nothing to cry over.” God, she looked so fucking pitiful he couldn’t stand it. Those big eyes of hers staring at him all helpless, like he was the only man in the world who could save the day for her. It was killing him. Butch kissed her forehead before pressing his to hers and whispering, “It’s alright, baby. Okay? Everything’s alright.”

She whispered back, “Okay.”

This was the moment where he should pat her on the head and make a joke. Something light and ridiculous to get her laughing and get them past this moment and back to normal. But the air hung heavy with anticipation and he was pretty sure it wasn’t all in his head. Not this time. They were so close he couldn’t even get his eyes to focus, but she wasn’t trying to get away. He carefully slid a hand into her hair and held his breath, waiting to see what her reaction would be. It could still be taken as a platonic gesture of comfort so long as he didn’t push it and right now, he was absolutely terrified of pushing anything.

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”

“I… um…” Her eyes dropped to his mouth and the fingers still clutching his shirt tightened. “Thank you… for… for…”

He smirked a little, “For beatin’ the shit outta that asshole?”

“M’hmm.”

“I was happy to do it.” He made himself let her hair go and combed his fingers through it instead, tucking a bit behind her ear for her. “This place is important to you, so it’s important to me, too.”

“I was born here.”

“Really?” Right next to the ocean, under a million gallons of water. Made perfect sense. He’d always figured she had to be part mermaid.

“M’hmm.”

“Kinda got me wishing I’d hit him a little harder then.”

She giggled quietly at that, but he was starting to feel a little ways past antsy with how she was still staring at him.

“We should probably get to the Citadel before Lyons sends out a search party.”

“Okay.”

He sighed when she still made no move to step back or let him go. For a girl with zero moves at all, she was still doing a pretty solid job of turning his brain into mush. A guy could get a lot of ideas with the way she was looking at him. There was a hint of hopeful expectancy about her that he honestly didn’t know what the hell to do with.

It just wasn’t fair. It really wasn’t. He’d lived a life of near zero restraint and then here, in the face of her tempting passivity, he was having to hold himself back. He wasn't sure he had the chops for something like this. All he could think about was how easy it would be to clear off the desk he was still sitting on and lay her down on top of it. Peel her out of those tight jeans she liked to prance around in and worship her the way she’d always deserved. Spend a few hours on his knees proving just how devoted to her happiness he truly was. Maybe finally get how he really felt through her thick skull in a way that even she couldn’t deny.

But those damn eyes of hers. So honest and innocent and  _ confused. _ He couldn’t drown her in his feelings when she still clearly didn’t have any idea of her own. This still had to be her choice. If they were going to happen, she had to at least take a few steps towards him. He couldn’t do all the work. If he did, once he let her come up for air, he knew damn good and well that she’d use it against him. Panic and try to pretend this was all just some silly mistake. Hormones or somethin’. Push him and whatever feelings he was inspiring in her as far away as she possibly could. His tiny crack in the ice would seal back up faster than lightning.

Time for a Hail Mary.

“Hey, I uh… I kinda banged up my hands a little on that asshole’s fancy bathrobe. Would you mind y’know, doin’ that voodoo you do so well and all?”

“Oh. Oh, sure, of course.” She blinked and the spell was finally broken. Suddenly there was a whole foot of space between them and he smiled as she tutted over his hands. “You should really be more careful.”

“I’m not sure that’s possible.”

Abby tsked at him, “You would say that.”

“M’hmm.”

Why was it that doing the right thing always sucked? Couldn’t the right thing just, for once, involve getting what he wanted? Just once. He wasn’t askin’ for endless joy or anything, just one damn time. He watched her work on bandaging his knuckles and finally realized he had a pretty decent view straight down her top. Huh. That was something. Probably not very gentlemanly of him to notice, but he was feeling pretty tapped out in that department right now.

Out here in the wastes, she always had that long sleeveless duster on over top of her regular tank top. Kinda ruined the view in his opinion, as badass as it looked on her. But right here, right now, with him sitting and her bent over slightly, hyper-focused on dressing his wounds like they were actually somethin' serious, his eyes were free to roam where they pleased. Skating along her collarbones and taking the route he someday hoped his hands would.

Honestly, given how petite she was, the boob fairy had clearly done what she could and then some. Solid C cup. He’d stake his reputation on it. Perky. Deliciously smooth and rounded. Probably feel like holding heaven in his palm. The barest edge of an areola teased him with its rosy pink hue and he squirmed a little as heat rushed into his groin. One of the many things he’d noticed in his career as a tomcat was how girls all tended to match in places. Like how the carpet usually matched the drapes unless she was sportin’ a bottle job. In his experience, lips, tips and pussy were usually the same shade as well.

His eyes flitted from the coy little flash of pink to her mouth and he smirked. Perfect match. Now he had a whole new layer of realism to drape over whatever fantasy his dirty mind came up with when he was lettin’ off a little steam.

“Butch?”

His eyes immediately snapped to hers and he felt like he’d just had the back of his hand slapped with a ruler. “Yes, ma’am? Uh, I mean, yeah?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Huh?”

Her head tilted as she studied his face. “You look like you’re hungry.”

“Oh.” He snorted, “Yeah.  _ Yeah, _ I’m hungry. Fuckin' famished, more like.”

“I’m sorry. We should’ve grabbed a bite before we came.”

“Yeah, we shoulda! Always starvin’ me over here.” The shit eating grin on his face was completely ruining his attempt at an indignant rant but he couldn’t help it. Sometimes the shit she said was just too damn funny. “What’s a man gotta do to get his hands on a little snack around here anyway?”

She pouted at him before tucking her med kit away. “Somehow I think you’re going to live. You’re a big boy. You can survive having a late dinner.”

He snickered, “Well, that’s true. I am a big boy.”

“M’hmm.” She slipped her pack on and patted his shoulder in a mockingly sympathetic way. “Think you can make it to the bike, or is your blood sugar so low you need to be carried?”

“You try to carry me, half-pint, and you’re gonna get squashed like a bug.”

“I could do it!”

“You could not!”

“Could, too!”

“Could not! I’ve gotta weigh three times what you do!”

“Oh, piffle. You do not weigh three hundred pounds.”

Butch stood and almost cackled with laughter, “That’s  _ it?!  _ You mean to tell me you’re _literally_ a ninety-eight pound weakling?!”   


“I am not!”

“I bet you gotta put weights in your shoes when a storm blows through, huh? Or do you just stuff your pockets full of rocks?”

“Oh, get bent!”

“Hey, doesn’t that mean if you ate a pound of mirelurk, you’d be a hundredth mirelurk?”

“Are you finished?” She stomped out the door and he gleefully followed after.

The moment they were outside he pointed at the river, “I bet I could chuck you straight into the Potomac from here. One handed.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Probably feel refreshing on a day like today. You should really be thanking me for my thoughtfulness.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling it now? Is it Opposite Day and I missed the memo?” She folded her arms and glared at him while he started her bike.

“You should really think about eating more, nosebleed. I mean, I knew you were _little,_ but I didn’t think you were like _sack-of-potatoes_ little.”

Abby huffed and flounced onto the bike, “Shut up and get on before I leave you here and make you walk all the way to the Citadel.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He settled in behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. “We both know you’d never.”

“Don’t test me, DeLoria!”

As if. She just didn’t have it in her. A Lane wouldn’t leave a man behind, even if that man was him, but she would definitely give him the silent treatment the whole way. Stomping through the front gate of the Citadel with an extra sassy set in her shoulders while he meekly followed in her wake. Soldiers and scribes alike scurried to get out of her way, and gave him nothing but sympathetic looks and a few crossed fingers as they passed.

Pansies. The whole bunch. Worried over there bein’ trouble in paradise. Afraid enough of her adorable, cranky little face to assume he needed the extra luck and support.

Her record for deliberately not speaking to him was four months. A half hour was nothing compared to the torture of that. He had no idea who’d finally hammered in that whole ‘ignore a bully and he’ll go away’ thing into her noggin back in the ninth grade, but he definitely still hated ‘em for it. It had taken him actually setting an honest to God fire in the vault to make her give in. The second she realized he was the culprit, her temper had exploded into a spectacular display worthy of a pre-war Fourth of July celebration. She’d mercilessly berated him in front of the whole class while rusty water rained down on them all from the sprinklers overhead and he’d grinned at her like an idiot the whole damn time.

He’d been given detention for a whole month after. Literal shit duty helping to clean and maintain the sewage pipes that connected every can in the joint to the incinerator. Still felt like it was worth it.

Anyway, they’d been kids then. He knew how to work her a little better now. Knew to not try to be clever or obnoxious. Just keep his head down, get the work done, and let her run out of steam on her own. Then eventually that wonderful, naturally pleasant nature of hers would reassert itself and she’d come to him.

She was still angrily muttering while he got their campsite set back up. Huffing and puffing while he stoked coals and grilled the deathclaw steaks a shy little squire had brought up to the roof for them. Keeping that cutie-pie nose of hers pointed high while she pretended to ignore all his efforts.

By the time the steaks were done though, she was calmed down enough to finally talk again. Even if she was still puffed up like a cat while she did it. Butch wordlessly passed her a plate and smiled blandly in the face of her quickly dimming anger.

Abby accepted the offering and sniffed primly at him, “Thank you for making dinner.”

“Yup.”

Just like that, their fight was over.

Man, what he wouldn’t give to travel back in time. Hop into his body of then with the knowledge he had now? Pssh. He’d be made in the shade. Back in the day, he’d always thought of them as diametric opposites, so any head on clash was fine by him. Now he knew better. They weren’t  _ exactly _ opposites. They were actually a lot more complimentary than that.

She was calm where he wasn’t, and he was relaxed where she was uptight. Her anger always ran cold, and his ran hot, sure, but he could warm her up so long as he didn’t try to overwhelm her with it. Just like she could eternally hold the grudges he couldn’t against the people who deserved it.

He could never hate his ma the way she did on his behalf. He wanted to, but he just couldn't. Abby's firmly held belief that what had been done to him as a kid was unacceptable no matter what the circumstances helped him stay free of the urge to look back. To not cave into the whispers of guilt that occasionally plagued him and his lingering, once desperate, desire to be a son good enough for her to finally love.

Abby had created an impervious wall of ice around that whole situation. Stood outside it with him and said it was wrong with that unshakeable belief of hers, and so it clearly was. He’d always be grateful for that, even if he could never figure out how to explain it to her.

He still felt like they were akin to a volcano and a tundra, but he knew now that even those two things could come together and coexist peacefully. He’d read stuff. Geothermal vents up near the arctic circle. They were a thing. He could create little pockets of warmth for her to bask in and she could keep him stable and calm with her wonderfully soothing chill. It was fine. They would be totally fine once she got on the same page. Wasn’t a doubt in his mind.

She took a few bites and made appreciative noises that he was probably a little too fond of to be healthy. “This is really good.”

He chuckled, “Texture’s alright?”

“No, I mean, I can sort of taste it. It’s delicious.”

“Oh, no shit? When did that start comin’ back?”

"This morning." She shrugged, "I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure I wasn’t just imagining things.”

“Well, good for you, kiddo! About time those lazybones taste buds of yours woke the hell up.”

“M’hmm.” She took a sip off her Nuka and actually shivered after. “Oh, it’s so good. I missed that taste.”

“Uh-huh.” Yeah, and he immediately needed to see her make that face about a billion more times. “Hey, you eat up all that steak like a good girl and I’ve got somethin’ tasty you can have for dessert.”

She blinked at him and then narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “Is this one of those gross double entendre things?”

“Heh.” The snicker escaped him before he could stop it and he immediately coughed to try and cover it. “Nah. It’s candy.”

“Oh,  _ candy, _ huh? I’m so sure.” The skeptical look on her face only grew, “You know, I do know what guys mean when they talk about  _ lollipops, _ Butch. I did grow up around you and your hoodlum friends.”

“Ha, yeah. Wally loved his little uh, whatcha call it… euphemisms.”

“It wasn’t just Wally who said it.”

He shrugged, “Maybe, I dunno. Who can remember that far back?”

“I can.”

“Pssh.”

“It was in homeroom. Mr. Brotch had to go run some dittos. He left Amata in charge, not that any of you cared. I had brought two lollipops to class. One for me and one for her to have at lunch. I was showing them to her and we were deciding on who got which flavor when Wally said ‘What do two lesbos need to practice sucking for?’ and I told him to stuff it and then you winked at me and said ‘Don’t listen to him, Poindexter. A square like you needs all the extra practice she can get. You lick that lollipop real good for me, alright?’ and I immediately threw mine away because even the idea of eating it then was disgusting.” She hummed thoughtfully, “You know, now that I’m thinking about it, I’m pretty sure that was the last lollipop I ever had.”

Goddammit, he’d ruined something as simple as a fucking piece of candy for her, too? “Christ. You remember all that?”

“I can remember almost every single day of my life starting at around three.”

“Shit.” Okay, then maybe they were still a little ways from geothermal spring goodness here. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For bein’ such a dick.”

“You really don’t have to keep apologizing for it. I already forgave all that. More than once, even.”

“Yeah, but --”

“And obviously _ I _ understood exactly what I was forgiving as I’m pretty sure I remember it better than you do.”

“Yeah.” She really was too nice. Way too nice for her own good. Had to be some kinda masochist or somethin’ to put up with him the way she had and continued to do. “Don’t suppose you remember what flavor you were gonna choose, do you?”

“Um… well, it was between tutti frutti and watermelon. I always let Amata take first pick so I was probably going to end up with the tutti frutti. That’s the one I threw away.”

“Is that the one you actually wanted though?”

“No, I like watermelon better.”

“Huh.”

She laughed, “You don’t happen to have a watermelon lollipop up your sleeve or something, do you?”

Probably not but he did still have over five thousand credits on his ration card from the vault. That would buy a hell of a lotta suckers. “No, sadly I do not. What I’ve got’s a little spicier than that.”

“Boo.”

Butch chuckled, “Eat your steak, little missy, or you don’t get nothin’.”

She made a grumpy face at him and then completely ruined it as soon as she took another bite of steak and went all rapturous and wiggly again. “Oh, it’s  _ so _ good!”

“Heh. Hey, think you could say that a little louder next time?”

“Why?”

“Cause I dunno if you noticed but everybody seemed scared shitless that we were on the outs when we got here. Them hearin’ you go on about how good things are up here would probably go a long way to smoothing their ruffled feathers.”

She rolled her eyes, “Oh, I get it. They’re supposed to think we’re up here having sex or something.”

“Bingo.”

“Why don’t I just go to the edge of the roof and yell down into the courtyard that you’re so masterful you put the lover from Song of Solomon to shame? Would that work?”

“Song of Solomon?”

“You went to church. I don’t know why you don’t…” She sighed and recited,  _ “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers.  _ It’s from the bible.”

“Hot damn. The  _ king, _ huh? I could get behind that. I mean, it’s kinda lame if I call myself that, but if  _ you _ started it, then it’s more a title I  _ earned, _ see? So that could work.”

“Ya-huh.” She tried to not laugh at his overexaggerated leering and finished the last three bites of her steak. “Ta-da! All done! Now where’s my candy?”

“Yikes. Baby’s a bit of a brat until she gets her sugar, huh?”

She pouted, “You promised.”

“Well, that’s true. Daddy did promise.”

The pout edged a little closer to a scowl, “You are  _ not _ my daddy. Stop calling yourself that.”

“Oh, is that how it is?” He took her plate and set it aside before picking up his pack and setting his hand on it. Her eyes followed and he smirked a little at how transparently excited she was to taste candy again. Didn’t even know what the hell it was yet and still eager enough for it to let him get away with teasing her way more than usual.

Her sugar addiction had clearly worsened since she left the vault. Not that he could blame her there. The only sugar to be found in the wastes existed in two hundred year old stale as fuck junk food that even the radroaches usually wouldn’t touch. That, plus her inability to taste anything for the last few months meant his girl was jonesing hard for a fix.

He could do a lot with that.

“Yes, that’s exactly how it is.”

“Well, maybe this daddy only keeps candy for his babies. Ever think of that?” He stuck his hand in his bag and came out with his fist tightly closed around one of the treats rolling around near the bottom.

Abby stared at his hand with its hidden treasure of goodness and then at his obnoxious grin and sighed again, “Okay,  _ fine.” _

“Okay, fine, what?”

She couldn’t meet his eyes, and her blushy face was scrunched up with a mild look of revulsion, but she held out her hand anyway. “Please,  _ Daddy?” _

Oh, yeah. He could do a whole hell of a lot with this. Butch dropped the sweet into her hand. “Here you go, pumpkin. Since you asked so nice.”

The second the light from their campfire reflected on the signature red cellophane, she squealed. “A fireball!”

“Yeah, you like those?”

“I  _ love _ them!” She quickly popped it into her mouth and immediately winced, then giggled. “Oh, it's so hot! Oh, my gosh!”

“Let’s see how long you can hold it.”

“No, no, no, I can’t! It’s too hot!” She took it back out and held it between two fingers. “My tongue is on _fire!”_

He was kind of starting to see why the younger him had been such a gross jerk about her and that damn lollipop. If she consumed them with even half the enthusiasm he was seeing now, he probably just didn’t know how to handle it back then. He barely knew how to handle it now as a grown ass man.

“Want another Nuka?”

“No, I can do it! Okay.” She took a deep breath like that would somehow save her palette and stuffed it back into her mouth.  _ “Oooh, _ it’s good. It burns but it’s  _ so good! _

“Ha. Yeah… yeah, I bet.” Okay, maybe he should just busy himself with other things while she blasted off to sugar heaven on an atomic fireball. Give his hands something to do that didn’t involve being on her body, since that was about all he could think about right now. The little noises and gasps that kept escaping her were driving him crazy. “I’m gonna get all this cleaned up.”

“Oh, thank you! That’s so…  _ mmm. _ Oh, I got through the first layer. It’s a softer cinnamon taste now. Oh, that’s nice.”

He really must be some kind of glutton for punishment. “I got some lemonheads somewhere if you’re into those, too.”

“Oh, I love lemonheads!”

“Heh. What about pixy sticks?”

“Those are my all-time favorite!”

“Really?”

“Yes! You know, I even used to sneak them into class.”

“What? How?”

“I’d pour a bunch into my travel mug with some water. I told Mr. Brotch it was tea.”

“You are a dirty little liar.”

She laughed, “I am when it comes to candy.”

“Ha.” Chores done, he settled on his bedroll next to hers and laid back. Looked nice and casual and he couldn’t watch the way her lips were slowly staining themselves red from this angle so it was a win-win.

“Anyway, I had to do what I had to do! Right? Daddy almost never let me have coffee and even when he did, he’d watch me like a hawk for days after. I had to get energy from  _ somewhere.” _

“Hey, you’re a survivor of an extreme teetotaler household. There’s no shame in that.”

She giggled at him and licked all the sticky half melted candy from her fingers. “I’m going to take my boots and duster off. There’s barely any wind tonight. It’s probably going to stay hot.”

“Yup.”

Why did she have to always lick things? It seemed to him that she had a predilection for it that bordered on an obsession. She was always licking her thumb to turn a page or wipe some smudge away somewhere. Always happy to chase any food drippings or juice down her arm and lick it off like he wasn’t standing right there about to pop a blood vessel watching that perfect pink tongue of hers at work. It was fuckin’  _ rude _ is what it was.

She kicked off her boots but had to stand to get the duster off, so he was treated to the most beautiful unrestrained sideboob view mankind had ever witnessed. He felt like he'd just been blessed from on high. Unfortunately, she turned and caught him right in the act.

He panicked and pointed upward. “What’s that?”

Abby frowned a little and looked up, sighing heavily. “Draco? We just talked about that constellation last night.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, I knew that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a Gandhi quote. It is not an endorsement of the jerk (& make no mistake, he was definitely a jerk). It's just a good quote.
> 
> Settle in, y'all, cause we're gonna be up on this roof for a minute. LOL Also, yes this is slightly early but as tomorrow is T-day and I will be cooking from sunrise on, I figured I'd get it in now rather than wait until Friday. I hope nobody minds. 👍
> 
> And please remember, the real reason for the season: The Union beating the pants off the Confederacy at Gettysburg in 1863, which I think we can all agree was a thing to be thankful for. ❤
> 
> United we stand, divided we fall.


	15. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; Only light can do that

“You already need a refresher course on what we went over last night, hmm?”

“I told you I’m a dummy.”

“Oh, you are not.” Abby plopped down next to him.

“Or maybe I was just too distracted by the prettiest teacher in the world to really pay attention.”

“Sure, that must be it.” She laughed, “You always used to say I was the prettiest nurse. I remember that.”

“Well, you wear a lotta hats.”

“Hmm. Alright, well, let’s start with what you remember. Where does Draco begin?”

“Near Lyra.”

“And where does it go?”

“Between the two bears.”

“Right again. See? You remember more than you think.”

“Hmm.” Truthfully, he could recite literally every single word she’d spoken to him the night before. One hour of her babbling and he knew more about space than he ever had. “Maybe.”

“Let’s move on to a different constellation for tonight. I think Draco’s still in there, you just forgot for a moment.”

“Okay.”

“Hmm… let’s see… okay, find Lyra.”

“Yeah.” His eyes settled on the little diamond in the sky.

“Now go up, and that’s Cygnus. The swan.” She pointed, “It’s like a cross at the center, see? That part’s actually called the Northern Cross. Those are the wings and there’s the neck.”

“Uh…”

She clicked her tongue at him, “Angles, again?”

“Maybe.”

“Fine.” Abby laid down next to him and pointed once more, “See it now?”

He wondered if she even noticed how close together he’d laid their bedrolls out or if she just thought this was all some happy accident. “Hang on.” Butch pulled her over so she was cuddled against his side with her head pillowed on his shoulder and kept his eyes to the skies just for safety’s sake. “Okay, now point it out.”

Just like the night before, it took her a few tries to answer. Her hand pointed to the east. “It’s… it’s just there.”

“Ah, right. The swan, huh? Yeah, I can see that.” His hand curled around her hip and she was too flustered to even notice.

“It’s in… um... the Hercules family of constellations.”

“Hmm, so the swan was somethin’ big in that old mythology stuff, huh?”

“That’s right. Cygnus is related to the myth of Leda and the Swan.”

“That sounds kinda cute. Little girl and her birdie.”

Abby laughed, “No, it’s… it’s not cute. It’s actually pretty controversial.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm. See, Leda was a very beautiful woman who was married to the King of Sparta. Zeus… you know Zeus, right?”

“Guy with the lightening bolts. Yeah.”

“Right. Okay, well, he was pretty well known for stepping out on his wife. So he sees Leda and decides he wants to… you know,  _ know _ her.”

“Yeah, in the biblical sense. I got it.”

“Um… well the bible hadn’t been written yet, but yes. So he takes the form of a swan and flies down to her and this eagle tries to eat him. He dives into her arms for protection and… well, to make a long story short, eventually she gives birth to two eggs which each held two children. Stories differ on which children belonged to her husband and which ones were Zeus’s. One of those eggs contained Helen of Troy, who was later said to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The face that launched a thousand ships, you know.”

“Right, I think I saw a movie about that once.”

“Probably. It’s a very popular myth.”

“So it’s controversial 'cause she made it with a swan?”

“Well…  _ yes. _ Obviously. There was even a beautiful painting of the whole thing done by Michelangelo that was destroyed because people later found it to be in poor taste.”

“Huh.”

“In some stories, she’s a willing participant and in some she wasn’t. But there is another, less scandalous version of the story that says she never actually slept with Zeus at all. That really it was this goddess Nemesis who laid Helen’s egg and a shepherd found it and gave it to Leda for safekeeping. She kept the egg so well it hatched and then she adopted Helen as her own and Zeus rewarded her kindness by setting Cygnus in the sky for her.”

“Huh. So who were the other kids?”

“Castor, Pollux and Clytemnestra. Castor and Pollux together make up the constellation Gemini.”

“Clytemnestra doesn’t get one?”

“She’s most famous for engineering the murder of Agamemnon, so no.”

“Where’s Gemini at?”

“It’s one of the zodiac constellations. It’s right on the western horizon right now so it’s hard to see, but in the winter it’s really bright. I’ll show it to you then.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Although, there’s also another version that says Cygnus is actually Orpheus. Which is why he lies next to his lyre.”

“Who the hell is Orpheus?”

“He was supposed to be the greatest musician and poet in the world. So talented that he could charm anything, even death itself.”

“Like Elvis.”

She snorted, “Yes, exactly like Elvis.”

Butch pointed at the constellation, “I’m renaming that Elvis.” Her giggling grew and he grinned in response. “It’s even got the pose down and everything. You know what? Fuck it. Let’s rename all the constellations. Who the hell’s gonna stop us, right?”

“Okay!”

“Alright, so we got Elvis here. If Lyra’s supposed to be his instrument, then it’s gotta be… hmm… his first guitar was a Martin, but he used Fenders the most, so…”

“Fender. That’s perfect.”

“Alright! Now we’re cookin’ with gas here. Point another one out.”

“Um… oh! What about Hercules?” She pointed to the right of the newly named Fender. “See the square? And then the limbs sort of branch off…”

“Yeah, I see it. Hmm… I dunno. Hercules is already pretty great.”

“What about Grognak?”

He laughed, “Yeah! Then it’s like my own constellation.”

She nodded, “The name does suit you.”

“Heh. Thanks.” He cuddled her a little closer while she was distracted. “So what’s a constellation involving magic? That one can be yours.”

“I don’t… there’s not really a magic constellation.”

“Aw.”

“But there is Ophiuchus. There, under Herc-, I mean, Grognak. It’s the serpent bearer. It’s associated with Asclepius, who was a healer. So it’s kind of the doctor’s constellation.”

“Perfect! Ophiuchus, you are now upgraded to Abracadabra! Congratulations!”

“Oh! We can rename Serpens, too! It’s the snake.”

“Where?”

“To the right of Abracadabra.”

“Oh, yeah. Little squiggly kinda line.”

“With the triangle head.”

“Right, yeah. I see it.” He pointed, “You are now the Tunnel Snake. Bam.”

“We should really write all these new names down so we don’t forget.”

“Oh, I won’t forget. I’m never gonna forget.” There was no fucking way. Laying here under the stars with the best girl in the world, hearin’ her laugh at his lame jokes and shit? Nah. This whole scene was gonna be chiseled in stone in his brain forever. Best night of his life thus far.

“I have a star map on my PipBoy. It wouldn’t take but a minute.”

She crunched on her fireball now that it was small enough and shifted over so she could click through her screens. With her attention diverted, Butch figured it was safe to stare at her for a few minutes like he wanted. She looked so relaxed and happy snuggled up with him, munching on her candy and letting herself be idle and silly for once. He wished he could get her like this all the time. Or at least daily. Once a day, minimum. It was hard to imagine her ever not working or thinking about work or feeling guilty about not thinking about work enough, but surely an hour here and there wasn’t so bad, right? She had things to do and people to save and all, but she needed to take time for herself, too. And if she wouldn’t, she needed somebody there to take it for her.

He’d be good at that. Nobody had experience being a loaf like he did. Given enough time, he was reasonably sure he could infect her with his laziness, too. At least a little. If not… well, he had plenty of other ways of keeping her relaxed and horizontal once they got there. He’d make her feel so goddamn boneless she wouldn’t be able to do anything but take it easy.

She’d started humming to herself while she worked and he smiled at the sound. She only ever hummed when she was truly happy. He’d noticed that. She could sit in perfect, absolute silence for longer than anybody he’d ever known, but if she was happy? Constant noise and movement. Lots of little wiggles and tapping. It was cute as fuck. Speaking of, her foot was now jiggling along to whatever the song was. That was cute, too.

Abby heard him chuckle quietly and looked up, surprised at how hard he was staring at her. “What?”

He blinked, “What?”

“Do I have something on my face?”

He laughed, “Nah. Nah, it's perfect.” He still slid a thumb over her cheek before tucking her hair back though. “Your face is perfect.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

She went back to her maps and continued cheerfully switching out names. Butch was definitely a tactile person. He just couldn’t help it, and that was okay. Some people were just like that. Goodness knew RJ was like that and she’d never begrudged indulging him. He was a little cuddle monkey at bedtime, which, truthfully, had been a lot cuter on the small boy he’d once been. Not so much on the large man-child he was now.

Now it felt more like when a dog who didn’t realize how big it was climbed into your lap. Still kinda sweet, but mostly a lot of pointy elbows and squishing. Bryan Wilks would probably be there within a year once his next growth spurt hit. He had huge hands and feet for a boy his size, just like a puppy. If he didn’t grow to be at least six feet tall someday, she’d eat her boot.

Maybe that was part of it, though. Maybe Butch had always been this way because he _hadn’t_ had sufficient snuggles at home as a child. Her father always gave her a hug and a kiss goodnight. Another hug as she headed off for school. Hugs for good grades, bad days, or just because. There’d never been a moment in her childhood when she couldn’t reach up and have him hold her whenever she wished. Even if there was no reason to. He was just like that.

But Butch hadn’t had that. He’d had an absent-in-theory father and a neglectful mother. That absolutely killed her. She wished she’d been more aware of what was going on when they were little. All the times he tackled her or held her down or whatever had clearly just been cries for help and affection.

She wondered what their relationship would have been like if she’d responded to that first lashing out with a hug instead of screaming her head off for help. Her father had always said the only way to overcome hate was with love, right? That a long time ago, someone wise had once said ‘Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.’ She could still remember how grumpy and exasperated she’d felt when he told her that. Standing there with synthetic egg substitute dripping down her neck from one of Butch’s little pranks. Wanting nothing more than to be given permission, explicit or otherwise, to go murder him. But instead she’d gotten her hair washed in the kitchen sink and a gentle lecture on the importance of kindness.

She got it now. What her father was trying to tell her by always encouraging a gentle response to Butch’s constant badgering. Honestly, she’d understood it at sixteen once she’d seen that file. Everything he did and had done, all the bullying and the messy relationships and the seemingly flagrant disregard for others had come from him being raised with a terrible deficit of love in his life.

So now that they were out here in the wastes, cut off from everything they’d grown up with, it just made sense that he’d want to reach out and be warm towards her. It wasn’t anything but a natural psychological response to their current circumstances and that was alright. Her own psyche misinterpreting things and transforming the fond, no doubt purely platonic affection she actually felt for him into something more was her own problem.

Maybe it was because she’d just never had a friend who was a man. Not really. Not at this level. She had Charon, of course, but that was different. He was older and quiet and calm and just sort of naturally fell into a paternal kind of role for her. Most of the men she knew were either ages older than her or very young, so this particular relationship was unique in that aspect. She’d just never been true friends with a boy her age before. That was all. Her subconscious would settle down eventually. She just had to wait it out. Just like Sarah said.

Thinking of Sarah reminded her of her silly behavior at the purifier today though and she wrinkled her nose. It was utterly absurd how she’d fallen apart on him like that. Completely selfish and more than a little embarrassing.

She finally finished typing in the new names and glanced up at him. He was back to watching the stars now. That made it a little easier to begin.

“Butch?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry for earlier.”

“Huh? Earlier?” He glanced down at her and his eyebrows lifted once he took in her rosy cheeks.

“At the Memorial.”

“Oh!” He snorted and shook his head, “Nah, don’t worry about it. I knew you weren’t actually gonna leave me there.”

“No, that’s not… I  _ would _ have left you there if you’d kept on, because you would have deserved it. I meant earlier than that.”

“Oh… oooh,  _ that. _ That’s alright, angel. I told you before, it’s no big deal.”

“I just… you need to understand, I --”

“Hey, I get it. Your last best friend kinda turned out to be a rat, right? I get why you’d be worried I’d pull a runner on you. You just aren’t used to being somebody’s first choice.” He hugged her tighter for a moment and smiled, “You’re  _ always _ gonna be my first choice. Ain’t nothin’ or nobody gettin’ between us. Don’t ever forget that, okay? It’s a promise. Tunnel Snakes forever.”

“Tunnel Snakes forever.” She echoed it automatically and then frowned, “No. That’s not what I was trying to… it’s just… it’s that place.” Tears burned in her eyes and she hid her face against him, mumbling, “I  _ hate _ that place.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Of course you do.” Butch turned on his side so he could pull her closer and give her more room to hide.

“I shouldn’t though.”

“You almost died there, didn't you? I feel like you’ve kinda got a right here.”

She shook her head, “It’s not even that. It’s… my mother died there. Daddy died there. And then I almost died there and… okay, don’t get mad --”

“I ain’t gonna get mad.”

“-- because I’m not saying I wish I were dead or anything. It’s just… I’m not sure  _ why _ I survived. You know?”

“Yeah.”

“Why  _ me? _ Why was I the one who was spared? What the heck am I supposed to do?”

“Hmm.”

“And I know. I know, the obvious answer is to watch over Project Purity. Like, this whole Bigsley situation. I feel so guilty over that because he never should have been there in the first place. It’s  _ my _ family’s thing, right? That’s our  _ thing. _ My mother got it in her head to provide clean water for everybody and Daddy thought that was a great idea so he handled the administrative side and that was just  _ their thing.” _

“Right.”

“But I  _ don’t  _ feel like it’s  _ my _ thing and that feels  _ awful!  _ It should be my thing, too, shouldn’t it? But I hate it! I hate that whole stupid building!”

He rubbed little circles on her back, trying to fight the tension building in her. “Well, sure you do, kitten.”

She sniffled, “That’s awful.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I feel like it’s awful.”

“Well, it ain’t. Just because your parents were dedicated to a thing doesn’t mean you have to be dedicated to it. Shit, if that were true, I’d be worshipping vodka and… I dunno, tyranny or somethin’. But I’m not. And you don’t have to guard this thing for the rest of your life. That’s nuts. It’s got the whole damn Brotherhood swarmin’ all over it, right? Rivet City right up the road. You already gave the wasteland the greatest gift anyone ever has. It’s their responsibility now. Let them take care of it.”

“Even if that were possible, what am I supposed to do instead?”

“Do what you’ve always done. Just help people. Look, I mean, obviously, I didn’t know your ma or anything and it’s not like your pops and I were besties, but they kinda seem like big picture people, right?”   


“Right.”

“Okay, well, that little worm today was at least half right. Did anybody stop and think how the water was going to get sent out to everybody? I know the Brotherhood didn’t, but did your parents? Or did they just expect everyone to hoof it on over and bring a bucket?”

“I… I don’t know. Nobody ever talked about that part.”

“Not even your pops? Wasn’t he supposed to be the logistics guy?”

She sighed, “Yes, he was.”

“Okay, well, if even he wasn’t thinkin’ about the practicalities of the situation, then they were definitely big picture people. Just didn’t worry about the details at all.”

“I guess.”

“Well, you’ve never been that kinda person. Not ever. You are all about details, right? Always have been. You’ve got focus like I’ve never seen and when it turns on, you are one hundred percent oblivious to the rest of the world. Eyes on the prize come hell or high water. It’s amazing.”

“I’m not sure I would call that amazing.”

“Well, I would. You do your best work when you can narrow stuff down to a single person. You help one person at a time, and you give them your complete attention and devotion while you do it. And that helps everybody, you know? It does. Just as much as your parents one big thing helps for sure.”

“I doubt they would see it that way.”

“Sure they would. It’s pebbles in a pond, you know? Everything you do ripples out and reaches way more people than you’d think it would. Their purifier was like one giant rock chucked in. It’s big and splashy but everything’s settlin’ down and how many ripples are there now? Hmm? Have you heard about anybody being inspired to do their own colossally huge, pain in the ass project cause of the purifier? Cause I haven’t. I’ve heard a lotta bitchin’ about how they can’t get water to places and shipping’s a pain and it costs a bunch and blah blah blah.”

“There have been a lot of complaints.”

“But you? You with your random… no, wait. They ain't even random. Your  _ deliberate _ acts of kindness all over the place? That  _ inspires _ people. It makes them wanna be better. You’re  _ Abracadabra _ and you bring magic everywhere you go. I mean, look at me. Your pops woulda been a swell influence. Right there my whole damn life. I coulda decided a long time ago that I was gonna try to be like him, but I didn’t. I didn’t change cause he was some beacon on a hill. I changed because you gave me a chance to. Just one little chance. That’s all it took. You’re a pebble, Abby, so just be the best pebble you can. Stop tryin’ to be a goddamn boulder all the fucking time.”

She chewed her lip and considered his words. There was, surprisingly, a lot of wisdom there. She’d been so sure anyone with sense would tell her she was a terrible, ungrateful human being for wanting to walk away from her parents’ work. Yet here he was not only giving her permission to, but actually kind of fussing at her that she hadn’t already.

Abby took a deep breath and decided to tell him the worst of it. “What would you say if I told you that sometimes I wish I could just leave this place? Leave the Capitol Wasteland and never come back. Go somewhere people have never heard of the Lone Wanderer or Abracadabra or Knight Lane or any of it.”

“Hmm. I’d say, when do you want me to start packin’?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that actually sounds amazing. Go on some crazy adventure together. Just the two of us.” He pouted comically at her, “I missed out on your first, y’know. So really you kinda owe me one anyway.”

She stared at him for a moment in surprise and then started laughing. “You’re… you’re so…”

“Heh. I know.”

“I’m so glad we’re friends.”

“Me, too, angel. Me, too.”

She was still giggling when heavy, crushing guilt hit her. What the hell was she even doing right now? Giddy that he was willing to go so far as to put his entire life on hold for her selfish whims? That was terrible. She was  _ terrible. _ She couldn’t ask that of him. He was just too nice now. He still hadn’t found a balance between egotistical and selfless yet. That was the problem. He could clearly see how weak and scared she still was deep down and was too good a friend to not want to save her from herself. It was awful. This whole --

“Hey. Hey, what’s wrong?”

Abby blinked as she was suddenly reoriented, sitting upright next to him while a heaviness settled in her lungs. Why couldn’t she breathe? “Wh- what?”

“You’re doin’ that thing. The…” His hand wrapped around her neck to feel her pulse and the fear on his face slid further along into panic. “It’s your nerves, angel. Your heart’s practically tap dancin’. You gotta calm down, okay?”

She nodded and struggled to draw a full breath but it was pointless. It was already too far gone. It had snuck up on her too fast. This hadn’t happened in months. Not since that moment she’d realized she would never again set foot in her childhood home. Butch’s hand came up over her face and she shook her head frantically, pushing it away.

“What? We do somethin’ different now?” She nodded and pointed at her bag across the campsite. “Oh. Oh! You got medicine or somethin’ for it! I’m on it!”

He grabbed her pack and opened it before handing it over, watching with worried eyes as she pawed through her seemingly endless collection of junk and finally came up with a syringe. The liquid inside was a strange purple color with an almost iridescent shine. He’d never seen anything like it before. When her hands proved too shaky to even pull the cap off, he took it from her.

“Here, I got it.” He popped it off and paused. He’d never actually administered anything but a stim before, and certainly never on anyone else. “Uh… where do I…”

Her hand guided his over to her upper arm, “You… you’ve got to…”

“Okay. Okay, just try to stay calm. Here we go.” He slipped the needle into her skin with a wince and pushed the plunger all the way down. “There. You’re gonna feel better in no time.” He winced again as he pulled the syringe from her arm and pressed his thumb over the wound. “I gotta say, I have no idea how you do this on the daily. I’m about to throw up over here.”

She shook her head and gulped for air, “Y-you…”

“Hmm?”

“You...  _ idiot.” _

“What?” He stared at her and his eyes went wide as hers visibly dilated. “Abby?”

“Too much. It’s too… that’s… I’m  _ little, _ you idiot!” Her voice gained both strength and volume as her breathing evened out and she shoved him away. The movement almost had her falling over and she scowled, just barely catching herself with a hand on the concrete. “Shit.”

“What the hell did I just give you?”

It seemed hard for her to blink both eyes at the same time suddenly and she frowned at him, “Hmm? What?”

_ “What the hell did I just give you?!” _

“Calmex.”

“The fuck is that?!”

“Tranquilizer.”

“Oh,  _ shit. _ Should I go get somebody?”

She shook her head, slowly at first and then faster as the momentum built, giggling madly. “S’okay.”

“Are you sure?”

_ “Hey!” _ She managed to stop shaking her head and glared at him from under the curls that had fallen across her face. “Who’s the doctor here? Huh? Me. It’s me.  _ I’m _ the doctor.”

He chuckled nervously. “Okay.” He’d kinda always wanted to see what she’d be like drunk. This was probably as close as he was ever going to get her and as long as he hadn’t hurt her, he figured he may as well enjoy the show while it lasted. “Just gotta sleep it off?”

“M’hmm.”

“Okay. That’s cool.”

“Hmm.” She smiled and tipped her head back, closing her eyes. “Feels kinda nice actually.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm. Floaty.”

“Maybe you should take it more often then. You need to relax more.”

Her brow furrowed but her eyes remained closed, “Can’t. Can’t relax.”

“Sure you can.”

The head shaking was back, as was the giggling. “Nope, nope, nope.”

“Why not?”   


“Cause I might embarrass myself.  _ Again. _ And you might see it this time and then I’d  _ die.” _

“This time?”

“Yup.” Her eyes finally opened and she grinned at him, just feral enough to make him antsy. “I was a bad, bad friend. Bad friend. It was… I was  _ bad.” _

“Uh.” She started to lean towards him and he leaned back out of sheer self-preservation. “I honestly can’t imagine you being a bad anything. What’d you do?”

Abby pouted at him and it was decidedly less innocent than the smile had been. “You offering me absolution for a confession, preacher man?”

“I’m a preacher now?”

“Son of a preacher man. That’s what it is. That’s the song.”

“Yeah.”

She hummed a few bars and smiled to herself, “It’s a nice song.”

“Yeah, it is.” Those curls were still hiding most of her face and he couldn’t help but to brush them back. “You gonna sing for me?”

“I wanna confess.”

“Okay. That’ll work, too.”

“But I’m scared to.” Her eyes were suddenly filled with fear and sorrow. She whispered and it was so soft he almost didn’t catch it, “What if I tell him and he hates me forever after? Forever and ever, amen.”

Did she not realize she’d just said that out loud? Was this shit some kind of truth serum in high doses or somethin’? “Impossible. I could never hate you. There ain’t a damn thing you could do that would make me hate you.”

“I’m like Elaine… and she was the  _ worst.” _

“Who?”

“Galahad’s mom.”

“Uh…”

Her lower lip trembled as she stared at him, “I didn't mean to. Honest I didn’t. I don’t even know how it happened and then I thought it would be better to just wait it out but it wasn’t. It  _ wasn’t. _ Stuff got… and then you were… and I was…” She frowned, “I was a bad friend.”

“Sweetheart, I can’t really help you here if I don’t have at least a few details.”

She made a face and turned away, “I can’t say it. It’s too embarrassing.”

“Well, I can’t actually read your mind, so…” He shrugged and laid back down on his bedroll now that he was mostly sure she wouldn’t just randomly fall over any time soon. “Would it help if I promise not to look at you or say anythin’?”

“I’ll just show you. Then you’ll know.”

“Oookay.” His eyes popped open and he jerked up onto his elbows when she climbed over him. “Hey. Whoa, whatcha doin’?”

“Showing you.”

“When uh… when did this happen, exactly?”

“First night here.”

“Oh. Okay.”

She frowned at him. “This is wrong.” Her hand planted itself on his chest and pushed him back down. “There. You were like that.”

Well, he’d always dreamt about seeing her from this particular angle. This was about a million fantasies and one nightmare come true. Not a bad ratio for his luck. Thank you, God. He tried to not move as she wiggled down and laid across his chest. The smallest hint of guilt kept trying to creep into his mind but the rest of him was doing a decent job shouting it down. This was nuts. If this had actually happened at all, he could definitely see why she’d be embarrassed by it but their friendship could obviously survive it. If she woke up with any memory of  _ this, _ she was probably gonna punt him right off the building.

“No, wait. Your hands were…” She grabbed one of his arms and slung it across her waist before plopping her head back down and slapping his other hand on top of it. “There. It was like that. I woke up and we were like this.”

“Oh.” It was all he could manage to get out. The hand on her hair was already starting to thread its fingers through it. Slipping right past his control despite his best efforts and the one at her waist itched to travel a little further south.

“And I tried to get up. I did. You gotta believe me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. I believe you.”

“But you were dreaming. You wouldn’t let me.”

“Right, right, right.” Of course he wouldn’t have. Jesus. He didn’t want to let her ever leave now and he was more awake than he could ever remember being. Asleep though? Without even the incredibly thin leash of guilt to keep him in line? She was lucky to have woken up to just this. Shit.

“Your hand held my head down.”

“Oh, uh… I’m sorry about that.”

“No, no, no, you were  _ dreaming, _ I said. None of this was your fault. _I_ was awake. It was all  _ my _ fault.”

“Uh.”

“Then this hand.” She twisted a bit and grabbed the one on her waist. “Slid down down down…” She pushed it along until it sat on her ass. “There.”

It took every ounce of self-control he had to not immediately squeeze it. “Oh, yeah? Huh. That's uh... okay.” Goddamn, and she’d just had panties on that night. Not denim like now, but honest to God panties. To think nothing but an infinitesimal layer of cotton had once stood between his skin and hers. Unbelievable.

“M’hmm.” She propped herself up on her elbows and pouted down at him. “And you squeezed it real hard.”

“Oh.”

“Yup.” She stared at him for almost ten seconds before huffing,  _ “Well?” _

“What?”

“You’re supposed to squeeze now. We’re doing a reenactment, Butch. It won’t be authentic if you don’t play your part.”

“Ah, okay.”

Jesus fucking Christ. This was wrong. This was probably a ways past wrong, even. She was a whole different person under the influence of this Calmex shit. If she were herself, even a  _ little,  _ this would never ever happen. He should do the right thing here and… fuck, he didn’t even know. Tuck her in her bedroll maybe? Lie and say he remembered and all was forgiven? God knew he  _ wished _ he remembered. Course, if he did all that, he’d never know what actually happened and he really,  _ really _ wanted to know what had gone down between them.

He took a deep breath and gently squeezed her ass. “Like that?”

She frowned thoughtfully and wiggled a bit, “No. It was harder than that.”

“Harder?”

“M’hmm.”

“Did, uh, did you like it harder?” May as well do a little fishin’ while he was here, right? In for a penny and all that.

Her cheeks burned bright red and she nodded. “I was mad at first but… it felt kinda nice.”

“Alright.” He kneaded her flesh and bit back a moan at the way she squirmed. “How’s that?”

Her eyes fluttered shut and she hid her face against his chest, “Good.”

“Yeah?” Her answering whimper just further frayed his already overburdened self-control. “That’s all right. There’s nothing wrong with feeling good.”

She whispered against him, “It got worse.”

He was kinda starting to wish he could buy himself a drink at this point. He definitely owed himself one. “How’d it get worse, baby?”

“Cause I… I felt it.”

“Felt it?”

“Your NPT.”

“My…” He wracked his brain for the meaning behind the vaguely familiar acronym and chuckled when it finally came to him. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

She shook her head and kept her face hidden, “I  _ liked _ it.”

All the air seemed to vanish from his lungs, “You… you liked it?”

“M’hmm. You rubbed me against it.” She finally propped herself back up clumsily rolled her hips against him. “Like that. It was _just_ like that, but  _ you _ did it. You were better at it. Practice really does makes perfect, I guess.”

“Oh, alright. So you want me to do it again?” He couldn’t help the wicked smile that settled on his face. It’s not like she even seemed to notice he was enjoying any of this. This was just a forensic reenactment on her end, after all. Nothing naughty about that, right? Shit, they both still had all their clothes on. He hadn’t even taken off his boots yet, so how bad could this really be? “For the authenticity?”

Abby seemed to think it over carefully before nodding, “I think you better.”

“Alright.”

“You started using the other hand, too.”

“Oh, okay. Alright. That makes sense.” With both hands full of her sweet, sweet ass, it was far easier to get her working against him at an angle that had him groaning and her shivering over him. He let his head fall back and focused on how sweetly pliable she felt in his arms and the heat he was starting to feel roll off of her center. The friction they were creating between them was delicious and he was eating it up like a man half-starved.  _ “Fuck,  _ that's good.”

Her little helpless whine and the way she went back to hiding her face had him opening his eyes though. He was kinda worried that she had framed all this as something she needed to confess to. All he could see from his angle was her hair, but he could feel her nails starting to dig into his skin through his shirt.

He rolled his hips upward while holding her firm against him and watched in awe as a million little goosebumps broke out over her skin. “Talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me how it feels.”

She shook her head but answered anyway, “Good.”

“Yeah? I think so, too. Your panties gettin’ nice and wet for me?”

“M’hmm.”

Butch laughed at how meek and shell-shocked she sounded. Not that he was doing any better. Just one little sound from her, not even a real word, and he was already about to come in his pants. He might be in trouble when they got to this point for real. He’d feel like a real idiot crawling into the sack with the only girl he’d ever truly wanted to be there with, only to have it all be over the second he got her goin’ properly.

If this had gone down exactly the way she said it had though, it definitely explained her being so damn jumpy the past two days. He felt kinda bad for teasing her that morning about what they could do in ten minutes. She must’ve been mortified.

“Then what happened?”

She was panting a little when she finally answered, “Then your dream ended and you let me go.”

Shit. Edged her. That was just  _ mean. _ Sure, he’d done it a lot in the past, and he had long term plans to do it to her, too, but Abby was still a baby here. You didn’t tease babies. Especially if you wanted them to come back, which he definitely did.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. That’s uh… it ain’t like me to leave a job half finished.”

“No, I’m sorry. I let that all happen and I didn’t even try to stop it.”

“Why not?”   


She shrugged and snuggled closer to him, “At first, I didn’t want to be embarrassed since I was obviously the one who’d started stuff. But then, it just…” She trailed off and he lightly squeezed her again.

“Hmm? It just what?”

“It felt yummy.” She giggled a bit and sounded a little loopy when she spoke, “Yummy in my tummy.”

He laughed, too, but it was more from desperation than anything else. “Hmm.”

“But it was bad. A bad friend thing to do.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

Her head finally came up and she stared at him with wide, dark eyes. “You don’t? What about your lady though? We were… it was…  _ I _ was… it was a  _ terrible _ thing to do.”

“Oh, okay. I get it. You’re worried about me bein’ faithful.”

“Yeah.”

“Well… since there’s no relationship there yet, I can’t really be faithful or unfaithful to it, right?”

“I guess.”

“You should just let me worry about my ability to stay true, alright? That’s not your responsibility here. Anyway, friends can help friends out from time to time, right? It’s uh… whatcha call it… reciprocity.”

“Reciprocity?”

“Yeah. I mean, obviously you were makin’ me feel good. So it’s okay that it made you feel good at the same time, right?”

Her brow furrowed like she was struggling to understand but she nodded, “Right.”

“If anything, I feel like I should be apologizing to you, to be honest.”

“What? Why?”

“Cause I left you all hot and bothered. It must’ve been agony tryin’ to sleep after all that.”

She shook her head, “No, I went and splashed cold water on my face.”

“Oh, that’s when you went to the bathroom.”

“Right.”

“Hmm… so you took care of yourself then?”

“What?”

“You finished yourself off, right?”

Her head tilted, “What? Finished what off?”

“You… come on, you know what I mean.” He watched with something approaching horror as her head tilted the other way. “Oh, my God. You’ve never had an orgasm.”

Abby’s eyes went impossibly wide and she squeaked, _“Butch!”_

“What?! It ain’t a bad word!”

Her head fell back against his chest and he sighed at his own stupidity. He’d thought she’d at least have done stuff to herself. Didn’t everybody? They’d watched that whole stupid filmstrip about it in health class. How it was healthy and natural and, supposedly, a good alternative to sleepin’ around. At least the boys had. Now that he was thinking about it, they had separated everybody by gender before then, so who knew what the hell they’d shown the girls. He’d kind of always imagined she’d be clinical and methodical about it like she was with everything else, sure. Probably on a schedule or somethin’. But he’d never once imagined she hadn’t _ ever.  _ That just seemed crazy to him.

There were two options here as far as he could figure. One, she’d always been too ashamed of the whole notion to actually do it. He felt like he could safely chuck that idea. Her pops was a progressive type, and the clinic had always been on the forefront of encouraging healthy sexual practices and whatnot. Surely to God she knew enough about human anatomy to not be scared of her own body or whatever. She probably understood the mechanics behind all that shit far better than he ever would.

So that only left theory number two. She’d just never once in her life felt the need to have an orgasm. Which was  _ insane, _ of course, but at the same time, the only thing that made sense.

While all the other kids in the vault were busy exploring each other’s bodies, she was busy exploring the library. Both times he’d kissed her, he’d been fighting back his baser instincts like his life depended on it, while she’d just stood there with a slightly befuddled expression on her face. It had been sorta cute in the moment. He’d always felt kinda proud that he could make somebody so constantly tweaked and snappy go all goofy so easy, even if it were just for a few seconds.

The whole thing actually made him low-grade disgruntled to be honest. He’d been super into the idea of her slipping into that hot bath after prom and slipping her fingers somewhere else while she thought about him. He’d assumed that's what she did when she took her bubble baths since that’s what every other girl he’d ever known used them for.

Ah. There was the mistake. He saw it now. Abby wasn’t like the other girls. She was wired different from the jump. So of course an innocent bubble bath was just that with her. Her version of being naughty in one was sneaking in a goddamn book. He couldn’t believe he’d missed that.

“Want me to show you how?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. (Longtime readers already know, but for those of you who are new, yes, I am in fact a sadist. LOL)
> 
> Title & the quote James told Abby are both from the wonderful Dr. MLK Jr. ❤


	16. Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're bumping it up at least to M for this chapter. Fair warning. 😁
> 
> (Title is a quote from Elvis Presley.)

The words fell out of his mouth before his brain had time to throw down a flag on the play. He immediately wanted to take them back but it was too late. It was already out there.

She peeked up at him, “What?”

“I can show you how, if you dunno. If... if you want me to, I mean.”

“How?”

“Uh…” Now there was a damn fine question. How? “I can walk you through it?” And probably lose what little was left of his marbles if he did, but he felt like helping her unlock this side of herself was a little more important than something as useless as his sanity.

“I can’t ask you to do that. It’s… it’s bad. This is bad.”

“It's not bad. Stop sayin’ it is. You said it felt good, right?”

“M’hmm.”

“Then how can something good be bad?” He grinned at her obvious confusion, “See? There. It can’t.”

Doubt was starting to creep into her eyes and she looked away, “I dunno.”

Butch sighed and patted her head, “Okay. Alright. Sorry. I won’t push.”

“Okay.”

“But I really do think you should probably at least make an attempt on your own at some point. That shit’s like a pressure valve for your soul, okay? It ain’t good to keep everything so freakin’ locked down all the time. It ain’t healthy.”

“I’ve never read that in any scientific journal.”

“Well, maybe I’ll write one my damn self. How’s that?”

She giggled, “Okay.”

“Yeah… now Doc Butch says it’s time for good little kittens to be in bed. Alright?”

“Alright.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up when she didn’t move and just kept smiling dreamily at him. “You ain’t gonna move.” He scoffed at his own stupidity and rolled, gently dumping her onto her sleeping bag. “I dunno why I thought you would.”

Abby yawned behind her hand and blinked slowly at him, “Gosh, he’s so handsome though.”   


“Just got no internal dialog whatsoever, huh?”

She sighed, “I wish I were a lady.”

“I’m pretty sure lady is a downgrade from duchess, sweetheart.” He got her all tucked in but kept the bag unzipped. As much as he wanted to really get her contained where she couldn’t hurt herself, it was just too hot out for that.

“I’d kiss him right on his stupid, handsome face. I really would. And then… then the spontaneous combustion would be worth it. It’d be worth it.”

“Spontaneous combustion? What?”

Her eyes kind of focused on his face and she brought her hands up to mime an explosion, “Boom,  _ whoosh.” _

Butch laughed, “Alright.”

“But it’s not gonna happen.”

“Hmm. I’d take that bet.”

“Can’t go around it, gotta go through it. Sarah said.”

“What?”

“I’ll just try to enjoy it while it lasts.”

“While what lasts?”

She sniffled and her eyes went glassy, “I wish I were a lady.”

“Aw, angel. Don’t cry.”

“Sorry.”

“Here, I’ll kiss you goodnight, alright? With my stupid, handsome face.”

“Is that okay?”

“It's okay.”

“Your lady won’t be mad at you?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure she’d be alright with it.”

“She sounds  _ awesome.” _

“Yeah.”

“I wouldn’t be okay with it.”

“Oh?”

“Nope.” Her eyes finally slipped closed and she smiled, “I’ll tell you a secret, but you can’t tell anybody. Not even Butch.”

He snorted quietly. Who the heck did she think she was talking to right now anyway? “Cross my heart.”

“I think I might have a crush on him. Isn’t that silly?”

If his smile grew anymore it was gonna break his face but he didn’t care. “Why’s that silly?”

Her nose wrinkled and she yawned again, “‘Cause he’s him and I’m me and he would never like me like that.”

“Never?”

“M’mm. He only likes girls.” She sighed deeply and that was it. Off to dreamland.

He rolled his eyes a little, “Jeez. I knew you forgot who you were talkin’ to, but you actually managed to forget yourself, too, huh? Maybe you shouldn’t take this stuff after all.” Well, she was a little extra weird there at the end, but in the grand scheme of things? Still the greatest night of his life. Absolutely.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” He kissed her cheek and laid down on his own sleeping bag next to her.

This was it, right here. The main reason he’d wanted one more night where he could get away with sleeping right next to her and not have it be suspicious or weird from her end. Watching her sleep felt like that first time he’d seen a radstag out walkin’ around. Thing had freaked him out at first, but it was so peaceful and beautiful in a wasteland kinda way. He’d ended up laying as low on the ground as he could, just staring at it while it grazed. Dainty hooves and those big dark eyes. Two-headed or not, it was a goddamn miracle.

Abby was a miracle, too. He loved watching her all the time, really, but the rarity of getting to see her all peaceful and relaxed made it extra special. She’d never looked more like an angel to him than she did right at this moment. Those messy curls shining in the glow of the fire, haloing her head in gold when the light caught it just right. Her mouth relaxed into a pretty little pout that was tempting beyond words. She just looked so damn sweet. Vulnerable and soft in a way she couldn’t be while awake.

He understood why though. Some of that was his fault. She’d been a little sweetheart back when they were babies. A being of pure kindness and love in penny loafers. Too good for him and the world at large, and yet, somehow, walkin’ around with all the other assholes like it was supposed to be normal. Enter him and his dumbass temper and envy. He’d wrecked all that. Tore the wings right off her. Viciously pruned back her gentle nature until she had no choice but to retreat in all that ice.

Then the wasteland had happened. Jericho and God only knew who and what else. Chasin’ her daddy here, there, and everywhere only to lose him forever. From what others had told him, she’d literally watched it happen. Watched him sacrifice himself to make sure those Enclave fuckers didn’t get their hands on the purifier and use it to destroy the whole damn wasteland. The way Gob had told it, James had used his dying breath telling her to run while she sobbed and clawed at an impenetrable door even Charon couldn’t break through. The guy had to drag her away kicking and screaming while James soaked up enough rads to kill a hundred men.

Even just thinking about that whole scene was enough to make him upset. He couldn’t imagine how it made her feel. She was barely even six months out from that. He honestly didn’t know how she woke up everyday and just kept soldiering on the way she’d done. He definitely didn’t understand how she’d had the strength to return to the vault barely a month after losing her dad and deal with all the bullshit they’d immediately thrown her way. She’d just destroyed an entire army of genocidal maniacs, almost died in the process, got irradiated to bejesus and back herself. Saved the whole damn world and then got dragged back into their stupid little civil war.

But she’d fixed that, too. Came back to her old home, set things right as best she could, and then got the boot. And that ungrateful betrayal had apparently been it. The straw that had broken the camel’s back. She’d gone AWOL on everybody and headed to Maryland to spend her days… shit, he didn’t even know. Picking fruit and wrestling swampfolk? He had no idea. All he knew was he was forever grateful to Belle Bonny’s weird punga addiction or he probably never would’ve found Abby and then where the hell would he be? Nowhere.

He didn’t care what she said, either, he was always gonna regret not going with her when she left. Both times. Watching her run away that first time had killed him and he’d been too much of a coward to do anything but lie to Wally’s dad about seein’ her go. The second was actually worse, in his opinion, since he hadn’t even known she’d gone. He’d been too busy drinking himself stupid and fucking Susie like that had ever solved anything. Sure as hell hadn't done anything for the searing pain in his heart or the confusing jumble of emotions he’d been hit with seein’ Abby alive after already coming to terms with the fact that she’d been dead and gone.

The point was, he got why she felt like she had to be on guard twenty-four seven. He really did. She hadn’t noticed yet that she didn’t actually have to be anymore though and he wasn’t completely sure how to get her to. He was here now. Ready and willing to stand between her and whatever the world threw at her. She didn’t need all that ice anymore. She had him.

Of course, this was all a situation of his own making, too. It was his own damn fault she didn’t realize she had him. She was an honest person who still somehow believed most other people were naturally honest, too. So when he’d told her about the girl he loved, she took it as the gospel truth. Exactly as he said it. She really believed that there was somebody back in that shitty vault worth going back for still. He hated that.

Butch rolled over onto his side and propped his head up with his hand so he could watch her better while he tried to think of a solution for this self-inflicted conundrum. She’d said she had a  _ crush _ on him. Her  _ first ever _ so far as he knew. A truly momentous thing. Made sense for her to try fightin’ it as hard as she could. Especially since she thought she was being a bad friend for feelin’ that way while he was supposedly pining after somebody else.

So what the fuck was he supposed to do here? Should he just finally take the advice she’d given to Lucy and Mac and tell her straight out? Everything was so tangled up now. He didn’t even know where to begin or how to tell her the truth in a way that would make her understand and  _ not _ want to murder him after.

He’d wanted her to come to him, and clearly attempts were being made on her side. Even if they were extremely fumbling attempts she felt tons of guilt about after. Take earlier at the purifier, for example. He was now more certain than ever that if he’d followed that incredibly awkward but still pretty damn obvious vibe she was puttin’ out, things would have gotten heated in a hurry. But then, as always, what about the aftermath, right?

She’d had a goddamn panic attack tonight just from letting herself have a nice time and them having an almost kinda sorta moment. And now that he knew how she was starting to feel, he knew exactly what had caused it. She was still the same girl who’d freaked out so hard catching two cheaters goin’ at it that she’d ran away and hid in the vault’s basement. He might not have her crystal clear memory of things, but he definitely had a few solid recollections of her disgust at him getting caught with other girls when he was technically supposed to be Susie’s guy. All the times she’d been horrified at the way most people in the vault jumped beds like they were playin’ musical chairs.

Abby had been raised by a man so faithful to his wife that he didn’t even consider her death a reason to stop honoring those vows. He’d heard enough women pouting over the fact that Doc Lane didn’t shack up with anybody to know it was a fact. The guy was pursued and lusted after like his dick was made outta gold or somethin’, but nope. No joy for any wanna-be Mrs. Lanes.

James had been a rock. He’d pledged himself to one woman and one woman only and he honored that pledge until the day he died. But before that, he’d raised his daughter to hold that same standard. She’d told him as much after prom. Love, honor and cherish. _Forever._ It was all or nothing for the whole dang family.

So of course she’d be horrified at herself for bein’ attracted to a man she thought was already taken. Of course she would. Pretty much every other girl he’d ever known would’ve been practically titillated over such a thing. Not his girl though. Not Abby. Abby looked at him and his alleged-great love and thought it was beautiful and pure. Something unassailable to last throughout the ages.

And she wasn’t wrong, of course. It was. He was gonna love her until the end of time and then some. She just didn’t realize she was the leading lady here.

Which was, again, totally his fault.

He sighed and reached out, brushing back her unruly hair. Tracing down the curve of her cheekbone with his fingertips, just barely grazing her lower lip. She smiled when he did and he smiled back automatically. He let his hand fall away before it got any ideas of continued exploration and watched her stretch and roll over onto her side. Cuddly as a little bunny.

A familiar, persistent ache coming from his pants had him rolling his eyes at his own stupidity. Hadn’t he just been fussing at himself about how it was mean to edge people, and here he was doing it to himself. Twice over, even. He’d been ready to go off like a rocket from the moment she’d been laying on him. Ten seconds to liftoff by the time she made that hilariously adorable attempt at grinding against him.

Seriously, probably the cutest fucking thing he’d ever experienced. He’d been with a few girls who didn’t exactly know what the hell they were doing, but still. All of them seemed to have come preprogrammed with the instinct to drive a guy wild that at some point automatically kicked in. Abby had not. She did drive him wild, of course, but if he were any other guy, he’d probably have been laughing his ass off.

Kinda reminded him of their first, and thus far only dance. She’d always had this poise about her. Everything she did, from scribbling down notes to just walking down a hallway, had a Grace Kelly feel to it. But put her in kitten heels on a dance floor and she was suddenly as shaky as Bambi on ice.

Of course, she’d picked it up pretty quick. He remembered that. How once he got her to stop staring at her feet and distracted her a bit, she’d fallen right into it. That gave him hope that once (not  _ if, _ but  _ once) _ things got rolling for them, she’d be a fast learner in the sack the same as she was everywhere else.

If not, that was okay, too. He was more than happy to tutor her here as long as it took. Longer, even. All the time. From now until a half past eternity if she’d let him. They had a lot of lost time to make up for.

Actually, come to think of it, that might be something of a boon here. She knew the mechanics of shit, sure, but she didn’t know what was considered  _ normal, _ right? If they fell into bed together every night and fucked until she fell asleep, well, she’d probably just think that’s how things were between a man and a woman. She didn’t know any better and, knowing her and how she kept most of her personal business under wraps, she wouldn't think to ask anybody or even make some innocent comment that could blow his whole scam. It was perfect.

His nose wrinkled a bit at the idea of corrupting her to that extent, though he couldn’t make himself commit to tossing the idea altogether. Also thinking of being with her as fucking wasn’t sitting well with him, either. Cause it wasn’t. Fucking is what he’d been doing his whole life. Making love was another matter entirely, and he was probably as clueless there as she was. He had ideas. Plans. Years worth of extensive daydreaming and wishful thinking. Actual experience though? No.

The first time he got laid, he was just trying to get laid. Didn’t feel a damn thing for the girl on the other end of that. Even being with Susie for years hadn’t inspired anything in him. She was just sorta there and convenient and he’d been jerk enough to take advantage of that. Then again, given that she’d apparently  _ always _ known how he felt for Abby, she’d been taking advantage of shit herself just as much, if not more.

Now that he knew all that, it made a lot of seemingly random encounters they’d had appear a lot less random looking back. All the times he’d aggravated and traded quips with Abby for hours on end only to turn around and there’d be Susie. Sometimes she’d just drag him into the nearest closet or whatever, but if he wasn’t into it, she’d always start some fight and goad him into it. Pick and pick and pick until he thought he’d lose his mind. She’d start screaming, he’d be yelling and then he’d get so far past mad that he just had to shut her up somehow and fucking always got the job done, so that’s usually what happened.

There had been a time in his life when he’d kind of thought all that was hot. Passionate. He’d comforted himself a lot over his own awful behavior with the notion that his relationship with her wasn’t  _ so _ bad because they at least had heat. But it wasn’t that at all. It was just him and his fucked up brain and her need to have him all to herself. The whole thing had been messed up from day one.

In fact, now that he was really thinking about it, their first time had probably been inspired by her jealousy of Abby. During church, of all times. Christmas Eve mass in the Atrium. Yet another mandatory event thrown by the Overseer in an effort to force a sense of community onto them.

Abby had been selected for the angel choir. As if there’d ever been a doubt. Singing soprano on a fake cloud with a shimmering cardboard halo on her head as the nativity unfolded below. He still remembered how the glitter had been stuck in her hair until well past New Years and how he’d kinda wished it had stayed in there permanently. It just seemed so damn fitting for her to outwardly sparkle.

He’d been completely mesmerized. Sure, the costume they'd stuck her in was kinda dorky. She'd had on stupid fluffy white wings that were all wrong and a robe that was as modest as they came. Still, it had been so close to seeing his childhood visions of her as that sweet little cherub come true that he’d been unable to look away. Actually paying attention to the services for once in his godforsaken life. Susie had sat next to him and he hadn’t even noticed until her hand was on his thigh.

It took some kinda chutzpah for a girl to give a guy a handy in church. He’d give her that. He’d been trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to explain ruining his dress pants when she’d whispered in his ear to meet her in the bathroom. Problem sorta solved itself from there. She’d looked so smug and satisfied after. He’d just assumed he’d rocked her world, but now he knew better. She’d managed to lure him away from the dream he was so desperate for using the promise of a sure thing as bait. That moment had been as much about acting out against the girl she’d identified as a rival as it had been about seducing him.

He’d made it back in time for the end of service despite her best efforts though. It had been important to him to tell Abby what a good job he’d thought she'd done. How she made a picture perfect angel, pun totally intended. He’d rehearsed a million compliments and slick lines in his head. Then she’d taken one look at his rumpled clothes and tousled hair and rolled her eyes in an exasperated sorta way. Walked around him while shame rendered him mute and politely whispered that he had lipstick on his collar. Still trying to be kind even in the face of his complete and utter depravity.

Quite possibly the most humiliating moment of his entire life right there. At least in the top five. He’d been beyond pissed at Susie for all that, but mostly he’d been mad at himself. Allowing something as common and meaningless as sex get in the way of potentially having Abby see him in a new and better light was just stupid. Monumentally stupid. If he’d had half a brain, he’d have told Susie to knock it off, or even moved seats if she kept on, but he hadn’t.

He’d wasted most of his life on bullshit like that. Always grabbing onto whatever affection was readily available. Never noticing how each hollow encounter was dragging him in the opposite direction of what he really wanted. Every notch on his bedpost was just another step away from true happiness. Part of it had been all the toxicity he’d absorbed from his parents and all their bullshit. A larger part though had been his own cowardice. Abby had always seemed like the only person who ever saw him exactly as he was. It was impossible to hide his faults from her and always had been. He’d been terrified of her reaction if he’d actually just said straight out how he felt. Scared she’d laugh at him for having that kinda gall or, worse, those bright eyes of hers filling with pity and embarrassment on his behalf while she awkwardly rejected him.

Truth be told, he was still a little afraid of what was going to happen on that day when the stars aligned and he finally got the greenlight from the universe to drop that particular bomb on her. They were best friends now, and he was pretty sure their friendship could survive his confession if she rejected him. He would just have to try and play it off like it was no big deal and tell her to forget the whole thing. Plead temporary insanity or something. Maybe even pretend to be drunk. Somethin'.

It was just that moment. That scary,  _ scary _ moment. Even her having a crush on him wasn’t a guarantee of anything here. She had too much discipline to fall into a relationship just because it might feel good. She had morals and standards and self-respect, which, honestly, weren’t really things he was terribly familiar with. He knew they very often got in the way of having a good time though.

Abby knew all about his past and that was a hurtle he was still trying to conquer. He knew she was impressed with how much he’d changed and grown and he was proud that she’d noticed, but that was kinda the thing. She  _ had _ noticed. And she’d noticed because she knew just how low his bar for behavior used to be set. He’d all but rubbed her nose in his antics and conquests for years in a fruitless attempt to spark some kind of reaction from her. Something other than the quiet disdain and detached annoyance. Ideally, jealousy. He’d wanted her to feel jealous. Maybe even jealous enough to want a piece of him for her own.

Which was ridiculous, of course. She just wasn’t that kind of girl. Never had been, never would be. Her reaction to this crush she’d developed on him just proved it. She wasn’t hoping he’d notice her or waiting with baited breath for him to make a move. She was  _ terrified _ of it. Felt awful and guilty and like the worst person in the world. All on account of liking him.

He felt a little silly now for not realizing this is how it would go. He’d been so focused on just getting her to this point that he hadn’t calculated on her having a completely typical Abby-style reaction to it. In his head, it had gone a lot simpler. She’d eventually fall for him, he’d notice and put the moves on her, she’d reciprocate, the end. Done.

Instead, all taking this teensy tiny step forward had done was make shit a hell of a lot more complicated. If she’d been anybody else, they’d have been making out by now. Or, at least whenever she finally slept off this Calmex junk they’d have been making out. He wasn’t the kind of guy to poach a girl when she didn’t have her wits about her. He was a jerk, but he wasn’t a monster. When he got down to business, he liked all parties to be equally enthusiastic and equally into it. If not, it wasn’t worth it.

He wasn’t sure what this next course of action should be. Maybe just stay the course? Keep showing how he felt in small ways until he could figure out how to tell her the truth and then just hope for the best. Now, more than ever, it felt imperative that he act as gentlemanly as a guy like him could be. Give her enough care and kindness that she could cling to so when she eventually had to deal with learning what a big pile of horseshit he’d sold her she wouldn't drown in it.

Gentlemanly or not, though, there was still a wolf in him and it couldn’t help but notice her cleavage was especially bountiful in this position. Rising and falling gently while she slept peacefully and he salivated over her. If they were further along, he knew exactly what he’d do. Ease on over and pull her leg over his hip. Kiss and nibble and tease along her neck until she was awake and wanting. Push that tank top out of the way and feast on her until she was begging him to go further. Wiggle a hand into those tight jeans and have her seeing stars.

Get her dripping and wet and ready before finally rolling her over. Let her stay relaxed and half-asleep while he tugged her pants down and eased inside. Keep things nice and slow. He wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to take half of him but that was alright. That’d be enough. Whisper all the things he’d ever wanted to say in her ear while he lost himself in the feel of it. Coax her into coming on his cock before unloading as deep as he could inside her.

Kiss her until she fell back asleep. Watch over her dreaming until sleep took him, too. Wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

“Forever and ever, amen.”

The persistent ache in his pants grew until it could no longer be ignored and he sighed. Shit was like a toothache but in your balls. There'd be no sleep for him until he took care of it.

Couldn’t go downstairs to the bathroom though. Not with her conked out on this stuff. What if she accidentally swallowed her tongue or sleepwalked right off the edge of the roof somethin’? He’d never forgive himself.

Luckily, seeing as how she was, for all intents and purposes, dead to the world, he could just stay up here. Butch quietly got up and made his way over to the little rooftop access building. It wouldn’t do to just whip it out where she could see, asleep or not. Hot or not, even. He couldn’t forgive himself somethin’ skeevy like that, either.

Turned out there was a lot of shit you just couldn’t do when you were busy cultivating principles.

Standing near the corner of the building though had him out of her line of sight and kept him within easy hearing range of any antics she might get up to. Put him on the back edge of the building, too, which was handy. Meant no cleanup and no worry about frosting some poor sucker’s head.

Just undoing his jeans was a welcome relief and he groaned even before he got his hand wrapped around his cock. The way he was already leaking precum, this shouldn’t take but a minute. Butch leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, focusing on the way she’d felt and moved and sounded acting out that fantasy-come-true earlier. The cute way she’d really thought she’d been so bad for it. He could teach her so many ways to be a naughty girl for real. She didn’t even know.

His mind raced along as his hand sped up. The what-ifs regarding her as tantalizing as ever. What if he’d woken up that night? Said something brilliant and reassuring that would have her feeling brave in the dark. Taken things so much further than he had a right to. Play with her hot little pussy through those maddening panties until she finally understood just how good he could make her feel. Turn those anxious little whimpers of hers into breathless moans. Convince her how much better it would all be if she could rub herself against him for real instead of through his jeans. Maybe even go so far as to tease just the tip of his cock into her. Just a little bit. Get her curiosity up about how it would feel buried deep inside her. Play with her breasts and use his hands and mouth to get her worked up enough to slip a few inches further down his length without realizing it. She’d be so wet and tight and --

_ “Fuck.” _ He bit his lip to keep as quiet as he could. Grunting as he shot his load out into the darkness. Breathing hard even though he’d barely moved. Cheeks burning as the usual shame of using her as a masturbatory aid settled over him as it always inevitably did.

“Wow.”

_ “Holy shit!”  _ Butch shrieked and his whole body jerked away from the sound of her voice. He hurriedly stuffed everything back in his jeans. The temptation to fling himself off the roof was nearly overwhelming.

Abby stood next to him, staring off at the horizon. “That was impressive. The way it blasted off like that. Does it always do that? Like, all men do that? Pew, _whoosh!_ Like a rocket.”

“Uh…” He finally managed to make himself look at her and sighed with relief. Her eyes were still dark and dazed. Chances were good she didn't even know who the hell he was. “Nah, they don’t.”

“I bet you’d be a really successful breeder with a trajectory like that.”

He almost laughed in spite of himself, “Oh, yeah?”

“Sperm can only move at between one and four millimeters per minute. That was  _ much _ faster.”

“Yeah, thanks… how long were you standing there exactly?”

She shrugged, “A while.”

Great. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Hmm?” She was swaying, just a little now.

“Did I wake you?”

“I dunno.” A thoughtful frown crossed her face, “But you weren’t there when I opened my eyes and I got lonely.”

He chuckled, “Lonely, huh?”

“I’m always lonely, but it’s not as bad when Butch is around.”

Okay, Calmex was  _ definitely _ some kind of truth serum in extremely high doses because the real her would have  _ never _ admitted to a thing like that. “Hey, can I ask you somethin’?”

“M’kay.”

“Are you gonna remember any of this tomorrow?”

“Nope. Nope-idy nope nope nope.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yup.”

“Thank you, Jesus.” He finally noticed her eyes had stayed closed on that last slow blink and clicked his tongue. “You fallin’ back asleep on me, kitten?”

“Hmm?”

“Yeah, you are. Just came over here to give a man a heart attack and then gonna go right back to dreamin’. That’s rude, y’know. My heart’s still racin’.”

“Mmm, sorry.”

“Nah, it’s alright.” He had to catch her when her knees gave out. “Never saw somebody actually fall asleep on their feet before.”

She yawned and mumbled against him, “Not sleepy.”

“Well, you’re doin’ a damn fine impersonation of it.” Butch scooped her up and carried her back to the sleeping bags. “You gonna stay down this time, or do I need to stay up the whole night?” A quiet snore answered him and he sighed. “Great.”

* * *

For once, morning came far earlier than Abby was ready for it. The rising sun peeked over the horizon and illuminated the Potomac and the ocean beyond, sending bouncing slivers of golden light everywhere. One such sliver hit her square in the face and she grumbled, ducking her head. There was a rumbling sort of answer from behind her and the arms she was currently wrapped up in tightened.

She finally managed to wrestle her eyes open and squinted in the bright light. Her head felt fuzzy and detached from the rest of her. Lost in a fog where everything moved in slow, blurred motion. She had a level of cotton mouth she’d never in her life experienced. Her jellied mind tried to rewind the night’s events but there was nothing past when Butch had hit her with a dose of Calmex three times what she normally took. Just a vague feeling of panic and annoyance and then… nothing.

Not his fault. She hadn’t even thought about giving him the run down on her new SOP for those now-rare fits. It just somehow hadn’t even occurred to her that she would ever need to. Not even after they’d talked about VDS and everything. Charon knew, of course. He’d been there when Sawbones had prescribed her a medicine she’d never heard of before to help her get over her episodes in the field so they wouldn't get her killed. Some fancy pre-war sedative used to treat extreme anxiety in the face of total nuclear annihilation. Supposedly gave you an extra boost of agility to boot, though she’d never used it that way. Seemed smart though to reroute the mind's misplaced panic response into something physical that the body could use to burn off the adrenaline.

She could have carefully measured it out into smaller doses, but that had seemed silly since she was the only person ever taking it. Each syringe had two little lines drawn on it in marker so she or Charon would know what a proper dose was without having to worry about it. Butch hadn’t noticed and she couldn’t fault him for that either. He’d always been a bit squeamish about medical things.

He shifted behind her, snuggling up against her back. The arm she was currently laying on flexed a bit and she finally realized he had his hand wrapped around her breast. Not really doing anything in particular. Just holding it. She muttered irritably at the confusing mix of embarrassment and exhilaration that filled her and carefully wormed her hand down to push his away.

Also not his fault. She was the one using his forearm as a pillow. His hand was just naturally _ there, _ and as he himself had said, he was used to sharing a bed with another adult and for very different purposes. It would probably be very nice to wake up this way were she anyone else. Anyway, he wasn’t to blame for her having such conflicting feelings on everything here lately. That was also all her. Her and this stupid crush.

She honestly didn’t know how other people managed it. Amata had once confessed to a crush when they were all of eleven, though she’d never said who the lucky boy was. She’d been a little more spacy than usual in the weeks after and Abby had thought she was so silly for it. Obviously, she’d judged her former friend too harshly.

It was already hard to go about normal, daily things feeling the way she did. Hard to focus and keep her eyes from wandering. Not to mention the constant struggle to keep her feet firmly planted in reality regarding their relationship. Waking up being cuddled by him like this was absolute agony. She  _ wanted _ it. She enjoyed it. It made her heart skip along in a way that wasn’t worrisome for once. He made her feel safe and content. All she wanted to do was stay here forever and hide from the rest of the world.

It made her feel like a monster.

The sunlight shifted and she was suddenly distracted by a glowing silver vision in front of her. There was a can of Aqua Pura sitting just outside her reach. Taunting her with its liquidy goodness. If she’d been capable of producing any saliva at all in her mouth, she’d have been drooling at the sight of it. She tried to push Butch away but, just like the other night, he wasn’t having it. Any effort she made to get away was met with equal force on his side to keep her anchored exactly where she was. Her body went limp as she scowled and tried to think of a way to break free.

A few seconds passed and his arms relaxed again. Abby decided to try up instead of out and actually managed it. His arms stayed in place but the rest of him moved and before she knew it, he was using her lap as a pillow. She huffed but figured turnabout was fair play. Anyway, she still had her jeans on. There was nothing to be embarrassed about here. Or there wouldn’t have been had she not been feeling like a completely ridiculous lovesick ninny. If he’d been anyone else, RJ or Gob or Leo or someone, this wouldn’t be awkward at all. Amusing, yes, but not embarrassing.

The best thing to do was simply pretend she wasn’t, right? Act as though this were perfectly normal and be utterly blasé about the entire thing. Just two best friends camping on a rooftop. No big deal.

She preemptively dismissed her alarm before leaning over and easily reached the can. The water inside tasted amazing and she had to force herself to be sensible and not guzzle it down. Instead she carefully held every mouthful for three seconds before swallowing to try to help rehydrate her palette. Calmex always made her thirsty whenever she used it but this was a whole new level. She felt like she’d been crafted out of jerky at this point.

She was determined to keep her eyes on the horizon. Watching the sunrise was something that never got old. Usually it was a thing she couldn’t tear her eyes away from, but this morning she was finding it difficult to watch the pretty pinks and golds give way to bright blue. Her gaze kept drifting down to her lap where Butch was still happily snoozing away.

She jerked her eyes away and took another drink. No, no, no. That was bad. This was  _ bad. _ She shouldn’t be so opportunistic. It wasn’t right to just stare at somebody like that. Especially while they were asleep and defenseless.

Still, somehow, despite her repeatedly telling herself no and the growing sense of contrition filling her mind, she couldn’t help herself. He really was extraordinarily handsome. It was… fine that she had noticed, wasn’t it? It was always something she’d  _ known, _ sure. Just a fact of life. Sky was blue, grass was (supposed to be) green, and Butch DeLoria was handsome. Honestly, she’d been aware of that since she was five. It was just that the reality of it was somehow hitting her all at once. It felt a little like taking those first few steps out of the vault, when the light had been so blinding and it had taken a full five minutes for her eyes to adjust. Then they were just filled with blue. Perfect, beautiful blue. She had no idea how long she’d stood there and just stared at that endless, unbroken sky.

Just like she was staring at Butch now.

Actually, she felt like it was rather odd that she was just now being affected by this. They’d only seen each other literally every day of their lives up until she’d left the vault. Every girl in class had constantly whispered about how cute he was. It wasn’t like her to miss something so obvious.

Maybe her contrary nature had blinded her to it? She was fairly stubborn at times and big enough to admit it. Goodness knew that once she got an idea in her head, that was it. It was fixed. She must have decided at some point that everything the other girls did or thought was silly, so when they declared Butch the vault Adonis, she’d of course gone the whole other way.

Or it was very possible her fear and loathing of him back then had colored her perception. She tapped her can thoughtfully with her forefinger for a moment before nodding. That was probably it. She wasn’t  _ completely _ unreasonable. Even before they’d become friends, she’d admitted on more than one occasion that he was objectively attractive. It must have just been some kind of blindness her mind had created so she wouldn’t have to experience exactly what was happening now. Because that surely would have been  _ much  _ worse. To fall for the boy who’d been actively antagonizing her would have been distressing to say the least. Probably would have gone hysterical and ended up needing sedation or something to calm down from the panic attack that would have swamped her following a realization like that.

She chuckled quietly at the whole idea of it. Wouldn’t that have knocked him for a loop? The class nerd suddenly making heart eyes at him from across the room. His friends never would have let him live it down. Funnier still, if the kid she’d once been could see her now, like  _ right now, _ she’d assume Butch had taken her captive or something.

It took her a minute to realize her hand had started playing with his hair and she tsked at her own foolishness. This certainly wasn’t going to help anything. She couldn’t seem to bring herself to actually stop that either though. His hair was definitely better without the pomade, in her opinion. Soft and curly. Not as curly as hers but the texture of it was nicer. Or maybe it just seemed nicer because it was attached to his head and not her own? She didn’t really know a lot about hair.

She liked the color of it. So vibrant and dark. It made it look like her hand was being swallowed up by shadows. He smiled in his sleep as her fingers combed through it and that was lovely, too.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Surely. Sarah had said the more you fought a crush, the worse it got, right? So allowing herself little moments of relief when he had no way of being aware was probably okay. Silly behavior on her part, no doubt, but maybe not absolutely  _ terrible _ in the grand scheme of things. It was like cutting down a few trees during a forest fire to save the rest, right? Sometimes you just had to do things that felt counterintuitive to what you were trying to accomplish in order to accomplish it. This friendship meant more to her than anything in the world and she was going to save it at all costs. Butch was nice and saw humor in situations regular people couldn’t. He wouldn’t see this as some kind of betrayal or anything. Not like she did. If anything, he’d probably think it was cute and kind of funny.

She winced and took another drink. That particular hypothetical made her tummy hurt a little. It shouldn’t, but it did. The idea of him patting her on the head like some silly child and teasing her over this, no matter how gently he did it, made her want to cry. Hormones were so stupid.  _ Emotions _ were so _ stupid.  _ Humans everywhere would be better off if they just didn’t even have them in the first place.

“Hey.”

Shoot. Of course the moment her eyes were off him he would wake up. Perfect. She kept her hand still and prayed maybe he just wouldn’t notice the way it was resting on his head.

Abby lowered her can and smiled at him as best she could manage. “Good morning.”

His eyes studied her face and she finally realized those girls the other night had been right on this, too. They really were the exact same blue as the open sky. That wasn’t  _ fair. _ It really wasn’t. She was  _ trying _ here, wasn’t she? You would think the universe would acknowledge that in some fashion.

“Oh, you’re actually awake this time?”

“This time?”

He yawned and flopped his head back down, seemingly content with his lap-pillow. “You kept wakin’ up all night. Poppin’ up like you were all rarin’ to go only you weren’t. It was like some weird kinda sleepwalkin’. I had to keep an eye on you the whole time.”

“Oh. Oh, I’m so sorry. You must be exhausted. Did you get any sleep at all?”

“I dunno. What time is it?”

“Nearly seven now.”

He snorted, “Then I got about an hour and a half.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It was kinda my fault, right?”

“No, it was my fault. I should have shown you how to use it long before last night.”

“Mmm.”

“We’ll take it easy today. Just head home to Megaton and you can nap while I work.”

“M’kay.” He squeezed her tight and muttered, “Give this place a four outta five stars.”

“What?”

“Floor’s a little hard for sleepin’, but the pillows can’t be beat.” He turned his head and grinned at her, “View ain't bad, either.”

It really was wonderful how he took pleasure in the little things now instead of always chasing after highs that weren't good for him. Abby smiled back, “The sunrise was  _ very _ pretty. You just missed it.”

Another amused snort and he went back to dozing, “M’hmm. I bet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know FO3 doesn't have radstags. IDK how many of you have actually been to that area of the country but the place is CRAWLING with deer, so, you can't tell me there wouldn't be herds out there wandering around. (There are birds in FO3, but they're actually not creatures, they're scenery due to the engine. So I'm assuming the lack of wildlife has more to do with Bethesda's own limitations and not nature's.)
> 
> Also, on the subject of things that do not exist in FO3, Calmex. It's in 4 & 76, but not 3. IDK why. We're going to pretend that the BOS would of course have had it in stock. Also also, the joke there is that it's allegedly a tranquilizer, but it buffs your agility, sneak and perception. Hence Abby being able to ninja her way over to where Butch was on the roof without him noticing. Ha.


	17. In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing

“Oh! Doctor Lane, there you are!”

“Hey, Waddy."

Abby and Butch both paused by the door to take off their boots and drop their gear. The second his toes were free, he mumbled something that might have been considered a hello and flopped face down on the couch with a groan. Wadsworth side eyed him and drifted over to her. 

“You have several messages.”

“Okay, go.”

“Ms. Brown said to tell you she finished work on the roof of the greenhouse, but cannot continue with the walls until another shipment of suitable glass comes in.”

“Right.”

“Doctor Church was wondering if there was any way the Brotherhood wouldn’t mind trading medical equipment for chems. Seems he’s having trouble keeping IV bags in stock.”

“Oh… I don’t know, but I’ll send word to Sarah.”

“Mr. Crow stopped by and asked if you wouldn’t mind checking on dear Miss Agatha.”

“What’s wrong with Agatha?”

“He said she’s had a persistent summer cold for a few weeks now but can’t shake it.”

“For a few weeks? That doesn’t sound good. At her age that’s liable to be bronchitis or pneumonia.”

“Oh, dear. Is there nothing to be done then?”

“What? Oh, no. No, there’s lots that can be done. I can whip up a few things and head out there in the morning.”

“Splendid. The world would be a bit less pleasant without her music in it.”

“I agree, it would be a terrible loss.”

He hovered closer and lowered the volume on his voice modulator, “So? How did things go introducing our guest to the Brotherhood?”

She laughed, “Oh, fine. They all love him. He’d be a sentinel by now if they could convince him to join.”

“It’s remarkable what a bit of charm can accomplish.”

“Yes, it is.”

“And Mr. Charon? Was he taken with him as well?”   


“Um… well…”

She highly doubted it. There had been a lot of unsaid things in their goodbye and she hated that. It wasn’t until she’d found him in a sour mood with a fretful Carol trying to talk him down that she remembered all the things she’d told him about life in the vault. Especially all the things about Butch specifically. That was a misstep on her part. Their whole meeting must have been extremely awkward for all parties, but everyone had been so grownup about everything and she appreciated that.

She’d have time come winter to work on getting Charon warmed up to Butch. It would be fine.

Wadsworth hummed knowingly, “Ah. Well. Mr. Charon can be a tough nut to crack, as they say.”

“True.” Abby watched him go with the bags and walked over to the couch. “Hey, are you awake?”

“Mmm?”

“I have to go to my friend Agatha’s house tomorrow. Did you want to come or would you rather stay here?”

“Hmm?” He finally opened an eye and looked up at her, “Why wouldn’t I wanna come?”

“Well, it’s just… she’s very old, you see.”

“Okay.”

“And I’ll probably have to stay overnight.”

“Sure.”

“She’s… you know, the quiet type. Just likes her music and drinks tea and things.”

“M’hmm.”

He watched her fidget and the way she couldn’t stop fiddling with her hands. It was interesting to him that she’d want to go see this old lady alone. Seeking advice about her newfound feelings, maybe? If that were the case, it would be better to go, wouldn’t it? Charm the crap out of this broad and get her on board with everything. Then again, if she were gone overnight, it would give him time to enact the brilliant plan he’d come up with on the ride over here.

“You want a girls night in with some grandma, be my guest, kiddo. I’ve got a lotta sleep to catch up on.”

“Oh, ha. Right. Right, well, exactly. I shouldn’t be gone  _ too _ long. By Sunday at the latest. Her house is sort of out of the way, but I’ll take the bike and --”

He waved her off and rolled over so she couldn’t catch his grin, “Yeah, yeah. Great. Now go get to work and lemme nap already.”

* * *

Abby was up and gone by six-thirty the next morning and he’d never been so grateful for her early bird nature in his life. Butch scrambled into his clothes and came tromping down the stairs not five minutes after the door shut behind her.

“Waddy!”

“Yes, Mr. Deloria?”

“You gotta help me.”

“How may I be of service, sir?” He kept an aperture trained on the young man and watched him scurry around, digging through the doctor’s locker storage until he came up with two large Army rucksacks. Rather odd behavior for him. He was usually still asleep at this hour. Then again, after watching them for over two hundred years, he’d long come to accept that human beings, as a species, were simply unknowable.

“You’ve been with Abby longer than anybody since she left the vault, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay. I need you to access your memory bank or whatever and pull up every complaint she’s ever had.”

“Complaint?” He tsked, “Doctor Lane is hardly the type to --”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry. I worded that wrong. Okay.” He stuffed one pack inside the other and dropped it by the door. “What I meant was, has she ever talked about stuff she misses from the vault? Stuff the wasteland doesn't have?”

“Oh. Hmm. One moment please.” He focused and ran a search using vault specific keywords. More than a few conversations popped up and a few pinged his query. “Yes, sir. She has. On eleven separate occasions.”

“Great!” He clapped his hands suddenly and passed over his rather battered looking PipBoy. “Can you put a list of all the stuff she specifically named into that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Awesome.”

“But… why am I doing this, exactly?”

He grinned, “Waddy, you’re gonna help me knock her socks off.”

* * *

Agatha lived in a tiny house at the end of a manmade box canyon way out near Meresti. Completely cut off from the world by design. The widow’s only contact with people came through her radio station and Crow’s weekly stops.

Abby was still on the fence about Crow’s visits. Agatha called him her friend, repeatedly, but on air, referred to him as her love. She was never quite sure what their relationship actually was, but it felt impolite to ask. Anyway, they were both adults, even if the musician was old enough to be his mother, and Crow had always been very nice and gentlemanly any time she saw him. His endless talk of spirits and the strange, mumbled blessing he chanted over her every time they met notwithstanding. Rumor had it he was born in Oasis, and they were all a little silly there.

Whatever it was they got up to, he obviously genuinely cared for Agatha so it was probably alright. She should have happiness in her golden years. Especially being alone for so long after her husband’s death.

She left her bike parked next to the bridge and carefully crossed it before slipping her surgical mask on. Just in case. A cursory knock on the door and she let herself in at the murmured reply.

“Knock knock?”

“Sweetpea.” She smiled weakly from her bed, “Crow went and tattled, didn’t he?”

“Yes, ma’am, he did. He’s worried about you.” And she could certainly see why. There was an unhealthy pallor to her cheeks that she did not like at all.

“Oh, fiddlesticks. It’s just a little cold.”

“You should have radioed me.”

“I didn’t want to be a bother.”

She brought a chair over and sat down next to her, “How long?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve had a bit of a cough for a while, but it didn’t seem too bad. I was managing. But then one day, I was working outside in the garden and got very dizzy. I thought it was just the heat, but it didn’t go away.”

“Hmm.” Her temperature was certainly high. Skin damp and clammy. Clearly trying to fight off whatever was going on. “Dry or wet cough?”

“Wet.”

“Any more dizziness?”

“Only when I get up.”

“Headache?”

“Also only when I get up.”

“Are you able to eat?”

“Yes, but I’ve been sticking to broth mostly. Sometimes when the coughing gets bad I’ll throw up and I’d really rather not taste molerat a second time, you know.”

“M’hmm. Try to take a full breath for me.”

“It hurts though.”

“Then breathe in as deeply as you can without it hurting, please.” Abby carefully watched her chest shudder and tsked when she started coughing. “It’s definitely pneumonia. If it were a cold or the flu, it would have resolved itself by now. And if it were just bronchitis, you wouldn’t have this fever.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Your dizziness and headaches are being caused by a lack of oxygen to your brain.”

“Well that doesn’t sound good.”

“No, it doesn’t. Can you roll over and face the wall? I need to listen to your breathing with my stethoscope.”

“Oh, alright.”

Abby dug out her equipment while Agatha moved into position and listened carefully to the sound of air moving through her lungs. There was a worrisome sort of burbling that confirmed her diagnosis and she wrinkled her nose. Treating it was no trouble but she needed to know if it were bacterial or viral first. That meant definitely staying overnight while she waited for the culture to mature.

“Okay, you can relax now.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll have to run a test to figure out how to treat it, but in the meantime, I’ve got this little gizmo…” Some more searching through her bag and she finally came up with the portable device she and Sawbones had cobbled together ages ago and switched it on. The hum was a bit loud in the quiet house, but it shouldn’t be enough to keep her awake. “This is an oxygen condenser. The way it works is, the little fan on the side sucks in a bunch of air and… well, it condenses the oxygen.”

Agatha chuckled, “I always like it when you explain things.”

“Then it sends it up through this little tube and you put this part into your nose --”   


“Into my nose?!”

“-- and it delivers extra oxygen so you don’t have to work so hard to breathe. That should help with the fatigue and dizziness and headaches.”

“Oh, goodness.”

“It’s not as bad as you'd think.” She helped her slip the tubing around her ears and fitted the cannula into her nostrils. “See? You can barely notice it, right?”

“I feel like someone from a sci-fi picture.”

“M’hmm. Now comes the fun part.”

She huffed, “You and your fun parts.”

Abby held up a prepared petri dish, “I need you to cough on this, and I mean  _ really _ cough, okay? From way down deep.” She offered her a sympathetic smile at her obvious reluctance. “I know, but it’s either this or I have to stick a swab down your throat or up your nose, so…”

“Oh, alright. Fine. Give it here.”

Abby waited patiently with the lid while the elderly woman hacked and wheezed all over the dish and sealed it before setting it aside. It was warm enough in the one room shack that it should germinate just fine.

“There we go. It’s still a little early for lunch, but would you like me to make some tea?”

“Oh, thank you, dear. That’s so sweet of you.”

“Not at all. You must have made me a thousand cups by now. It’s past time that I return the favor.”

Agatha smiled at her and sat up a little, “So… you’re back.”

“M’hmm. For a while now.”

“How was Lookout?”

“Same as always.”

“That bad, huh?”

Abby laughed, “It was probably silly to go there just as summer was getting started.”

“I don’t know that there’s ever actually a good time to go to a place like that.”

“True.”

“I like your haircut.”

“Oh, you noticed?” She ran a hand through it self-consciously. “I’m still trying to get used to it.”

“It’s very fetching.”

“Thank you. I had a professional do it.”

“Mr. Snowflake?”

“No, my friend, Butch. He’s a barber.”

“Hmm. Butch. That’s a good name.”

“It suits him.”

“What’s he look like?”

Her cheeks flushed and she busied herself unwrapping tea bags. “Uh… well, the girls at the Citadel said he looks like Marlon Brando.”

“My _word!”_ She clicked her tongue, “And just where is he then?”

“At home.”

“At home?” Agatha seemed to perk up a bit,  _ “Your _ home?”

“Yes.”

“Abby!”

“What?”

“You’ve got a  _ boyfriend?!” _

“Oh, no. No, we’re not…” She shrugged, “We’re just friends.”

“Hmm. Do my ears deceive me, or do I hear a note of disappointment there?”

“I…” Abby sighed, “Agatha, I… it’s just awful. It’s  _ awful.” _

“Oh, honey.” She accepted her mug and blinked at the girl’s tearful expression. “What on earth’s wrong?”

“I can’t talk about it.”

“Of course you can.” She sternly pointed at the chair and nodded when Abby sullenly plopped into it. “Alright then. You tell your Auntie Agatha all about it and we’ll see what we can do to fix things, hmm?”

* * *

Butch waited outside the entrance to Vault 101. Sucking down cigarettes and checking the time every five minutes. This was not exactly a day trip he was looking forward to. In fact, if he’d gone his whole life never again seeing the raggedy old wooden door that hid the cave that sheltered the stupid vault, he could’ve died a happy man.

The things a guy would do for true love.

A deliberate sort of scuffing to his left caught his attention and he squinted in the mid-morning light. “Mac-attack? That you?”

Lamplight’s mayor stuck his head out from behind a rock and scowled, “This doesn’t look like some big emergency, Grognak. My time is precious, y’know.”

“I didn’t say it was an emergency. I said it was important man business.”

He rolled his eyes but came over anyway, “Right. Right. So what’s the business?”

Butch smirked and jerked a thumb towards the entrance, “You’re gonna help me pull off the heist of the century.”

“What? Wait,  _ what? _ You wanna rob the vault?!”

“Don’t you?”

“Well…” He stared at the door and shrugged, “Yeah, a little. I mean, it’s  _ there, _ and it was locked up a long time, so… yeah. Obviously. Why do you though?”   


“Cause they’re assholes.”

“Okay. Solid reasoning.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged, “So what’re we after?”

“Don’t worry, I got a list. That part ain’t your concern anyway.”

“Okaaay.”

_ “Your _ concern is being your usual charming self, buyin’ a bunch of shit and drawin’ everyone’s attention.”

“I’m the bait?”

“Technically, you’re the distraction.”

“So I’m the  _ chick.” _ He sighed, “Of course.”

“Nah. You are the son of… the leader of Canterbury Commons.”

“Uncle Roe?”

“Daddy Roe to you, squirt.”

“I mean… I guess I could be. I don’t actually know who my parents were. Why am I pretending to be his kid?”

“Cause even  _ they’ve _ heard of Canterbury Commons. It’ll give you status.”

“Oh.”

“So you can get away with bein’ a bigger dick if need be.”

_ “Oh, _ well. Shit. Why didn’t you say so?” He stuck his hand out, “RJ Roe, at your service.”

He shook it and smiled, “How do you do, Mr. Roe?”

“Very well, thank you, on this fine day.”

“Ha. That’s perfect. Alright, so here’s how it’s gonna go. They hate me in there in a big way, but Amata never technically kicked me out, see? I left of my own freewill and, in theory, am allowed to return whenever I want.”

“Right.”

“So you’re gonna go in first as a trader. Or I dunno, a scout, I guess. Your choice.”

“Sweet.”

“Make a big fuss. Talk about how rich your settlement is and all that.”

“Sure.”

“I got you a few things to help with all that.” He took out the second bag from his own and handed it to him, “There’s a bunch of caps at the bottom and a list of shit to buy. Get whatever you want with the extra. My treat.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“There’s a hat in there, too. That helmet kinda makes you look like a baby. No offense.”

“None taken, asshole.” He carelessly tossed it and dug through the pack until he came up with it. “Hey, it’s actually decent!”

“Sure it’s decent! That right there is an official USMC OD green eight point utility cover.”

“Cover? It’s not a hat?”

“Of course it’s a hat, dingus. That’s just what they used to call it. I swiped it from a crate in the Citadel.” He shrugged, “Nobody was usin’ ‘em and I thought, why the hell not, right?”

“It’s pretty cool.” He set it on his head at a jaunty angle. “Knowing that it’s stolen makes it cooler.”

“Heh. I figured. Plus, it rounds out that whole head shape issue you got goin’ on.” He took out his pocket mirror and held it up for him, “See? You look like you might actually be a man now and not a walkin’, talkin’ potato.”

Mac narrowed his eyes at him but was quickly distracted by his own reflection, “Hey. Not bad. Not bad at all.”

“Lucy’s gonna love it.”

“You know, I think she might.”

“Alright, speakin’ of, is there anything Baby-Doc or any of your little friends need or want while we’re here? Cause I’ve got a ration card burnin’ a hole in my pocket and I do not plan on  _ ever _ comin’ back.”

“Oh, uh… sure. Food’s always a big one. Socks and underwear. Candy.”

He laughed, “Alright, well, we’ll see what we can do there.”

“How many caps do I have?”

“Three hundred.”

“Three hundred?!”   


“Abby pays well and I don’t exactly have a lot of expenses stayin’ at her place.”

“Ho, ho. Shaking up, are we?” He nudged him with his elbow, “Made any progress?”

“Hmm, some. Some progress. Hopefully a lot more after this.”

“You’re doing this for her?”

“More or less.”

“You’re like Robin Hood stealing shit for Maid Marian or somethin’.”

Butch snickered, “Somebody’s been watchin’ sappy movies with his girlfriend.”

“Fuck yeah, I have. I don’t always get to see the endings though… middle either, now that I’m thinkin’ about it.”

“Hey, watch it.”

He rolled his eyes, “Relax. We’re takin’ it slow. She drives me  _ crazy, _ but we’re keeping shit PG.”

“You better. I mean, you know I’d rough you up for disrespectin’ that little cutie, but it ain’t _nothin’_ compared to what  _ Abby _ would do to you.”

“Yeah, no shit. I ain’t afraid of  _ you _ here. Pssh.”

“Alright, so here’s how it’s gonna go. You go in there and draw everybody’s attention. I’m gonna fill up my bag with all the shit I gotta grab and then you’re gonna meet me at my quarters after about an hour. Then we’re gonna switch bags. I drew you a map and everything on a napkin. Side pocket. Once we’re done, you can grab a bite at the cafeteria and then head on out.”

“Why’re we switching bags?”

“Cause there’s a very high chance they ain't letting me leave here without checking my shit, but you, an honored guest, can just prance right back out.”

“Oh, nice.”

“Yeah, so I’ll buy however much stuff I can with my credits for you guys so when they check me, it’ll be shit they won’t care about.”

“Right.”

“Then we meet back out here, switch packs, and go our separate ways.”

“What about the stuff I buy for me?”

“You get to keep that, too. Don’t worry about it.”

“Alright… cause Lucy’s been talking about how she wants a new hairband for like, a month, and --”

“Oh, don’t even worry about it. They’ve got a ton of shit like that. Ribbons, hairbands, barrettes, whatever.”

“Sweet. She’s gonna flip.”

“Yup. Just make sure you get the stuff on your list, alright? That’s the stuff Abby’s been missing.”

“Alright, where is it?” He waited while Butch dug it out, took once glance at the slip of paper and snorted, “Queen size fitted sheets... what the fuck? _Tea?_ Really?”

“Yup.”

Mac sighed, “Alright, whatever. I guess I can say this shit’s for my grandma or somethin’.”

“Ha, sure. Go nuts, kiddo. Remember, none of these idiots have been outside but they  _ have _ heard stuff, so don’t go too big with the lies, alright? No stories of ten story tall slugs or whatever.”

“What about a five-story deathclaw behemoth?”

Butch considered it before nodding, “Alright, sure. That they might buy.”

“Can I tell them about the fire breathing ants?”

“Fire breathing… what?! There are fire breathing ants out here?!”

“Not anymore. Abra swatted ‘em all.”

He grinned, “Of course she did.”

“Some science experiment gone wrong. The way I heard it, she yelled at the doofus responsible for over an hour.”

“Heh. That sounds about right. You could mention ‘em but I wouldn’t mention her, alright? She’s kinda persona non grata down there.”

He scowled, “Yeah, I know.”

“But don’t worry. I’m gonna fuck ‘em up real good for that bullshit.”

“Better not be anything lame.”

“Hey! You are talking to the prank king of Vault 101, alright? Don’t you worry about it. I got this. Now hurry up and get goin’... hey, and make sure you try a hot dog while you’re in there. It’s gonna blow your mind.”

“Yeah, alright.” Mac tipped his hat. “See you on the other side, Grognak.”

“Yeah… and remember, we don’t know each other.”

“Never seen you before in my life.”

“Exactly.”

“Fuckin’ creep.”

He rolled his eyes, “Alright, that’s enough.” Butch watched him slip through the door and checked the time. He’d give the kid about fifteen minutes before joining him. Didn’t want to arouse suspicion or anything.

Mac paused on the other side of the door and squinted. Tunnel was dark as fuck. You’d think they’d have lit the place up if they wanted to attract visitors and such. A huge, open vault door greeted him at the end and he grinned to himself as he stepped through. This was the first vault he’d ever actually been inside of and it was kind of exciting.

Even if this particular vault sucked harder than a two-cap hooker on a Tuesday morning.

“Good morning and welcome to Vault 101.”

He nodded at some mungo sporting the weakest, saddest armor he’d ever seen in his life. “Morning.”

“I’m Officer Gomez.” He held up a clipboard, “Can I get your name and where you’re from? For our records?”

“RJ Roe. Canterbury Commons.”

“Oh! Canterbury! We’ve had a few of your people’s caravans come through here.”

“Yeah, my dad tries to make sure we hit all the settlements we can.”

“Your dad?”

“Most people call him Uncle Roe.”

“You’re Mr. Roe’s son?”

“Yup.”

“Oh, are uh… are you here in some official capacity?”

“Scoutin’.”

“Oh! Well, in that case, I’ll let the Overseer know you’re here.”

“Almodovar, right? Amata Almodovar.”

“Yes, that’s right! Goodness, word about us must have gotten around.”

“Yeah… I’ve heard of her.” Heard of her and hated her sight unseen. He knew Butch had some little revenge thing planned, but that Amata chick owed Lamplight _ personally _ for what she’d done to his Abracadabra. He hadn’t pulled it together in his head just yet, but he definitely had a special surprise for her in the works.

"Well, we’re all very happy to have you here, Mr. Roe. Here’s a map of the vault. If you’ll just check your weapons in one of the lockers over there, that’d be great.”

“Check my weapons?”

“Yes, I’m afraid we don’t allow outside weapons here. The way it works is, you can store whatever equipment you wish in one of our empty lockers. You get to keep the key on you, of course, and then just retrieve everything before you go. It just makes everyone feel safer.”

“Yeah, I bet. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?”

“Exactly. Unfortunately, there was an incident earlier this year where one of our officers was assaulted by a wastelander carrying a  _ very _ dangerous plasma pistol, so the Overseer had to implement this policy.”

Mac almost snorted out loud but settled for nodding along in a bored sort of way. He wondered if Butch knew which asshole Abby had clocked and why. He might want to get a hit in himself depending on the circumstances. “Right, sure. Can’t be too careful.” He set his rifle inside a locker and scoffed at the lock. Couldn’t keep out a baby. He was about to set his knife and pistol inside when Officer Gomez spoke again.

“Alright, wonderful! Just head straight on through. Market’s in the Atrium, and don’t forget to stop by the commissary! Welcome again to our happy little community!”

“Uh…” Did these idiots not check people for holdout weapons? Just because you couldn’t see what somebody was packin’ didn’t mean they weren’t packing it. Idiots. “Great. Thanks.”

“Be sure you don’t lose your key. There’s a five cap fee if we have to replace it.”

“Yup. I got it.” He slipped it into his pocket, gave one last wave to quite possibly the dumbest mungo he’d met to date, and walked into the vault proper.

Abby had said the place was pristine when she’d originally left, but had been damaged in their little war. He could see where an effort had been made to scrub it all away. Fresh paint and whatnot, but the telltale marks of violence still remained. A dented door here and there. An occasional sharp scrape in the cement beneath his feet. The way everybody in a vaultsuit was sporting a smile that seemed a little too stiff and forced.

Happy little community his ass. Place gave him the creeps.

Their market was… different. Rows of tables set up, most manned by extremely bored looking, pretty ladies. Some old grandma sat at the one full of hair crap and trinkets and gave him a genuine smile when he walked up.

“Well, hello there, young man. My name is Lucy. How do you do?”

Mac started a little, “Your name’s Lucy?”

“That’s right. Lucy Palmer.”

“I know a Lucy.”

“Oh, isn’t that nice? I’d wondered if the name survived outside. I’m probably the sixth or seventh Lucy the vault has seen.” She laughed, “We’re not exactly the creative sort down here. Most names get recycled.”

“Huh.”

“Do you know what it means?”

“What what means?”

“The name Lucy.”

“It means something?”

“All names mean something, dear. Lucy comes from the old Latin word for light.”

“Light?”

“M’hmm. And your name, sweetheart?”

“RJ. RJ Roe. Canterbury Commons.”

“RJ? Well now isn’t that  _ interesting.” _ She leaned forward and there was a downright conspiratorial gleam in her sparkling brown eyes. “You know, a friend of a friend of mine is named RJ.”

“Oh… oh yeah?”

“Oh, my yes. She told me all about him. He’s a dashing young rogue who’s the leader of a place called Lamplight. It’s a cave full of children where there are no adults allowed. Can you believe that? She said he’s just like Peter Pan and that I would know him if I ever met him by his bright eyes and mischievous smile.” She grinned, “His last name’s MacCready though. I don’t suppose the two of you are related, are you?”

“Depends… who’s your friend?”

“My dear little Abby. I used to change her diapers, you know, but now she’s all grown up and a great big hero. Not here, of course, but everywhere else.” She lowered her voice further, “I’m not sure why you’re fibbing about where you’re from and who you are, honey, but I won’t say anything. Have you seen her lately?”

“Yeah, I see her all the time.”

“How is she?”

“Better.”

“Oh, good. I was so worried about her.” She glanced over at the girl running the next time and cleared her throat, “So as you can see, young man, we have all sorts of lovely little accessories.”

“Yeah. I uh…”

“Hmm?”

“I kinda got this list.” He passed it over and knew she understood the moment she glanced back up at him.

“Hot chocolate and Earl Grey tea, hmm?”

“Yup.”

“Cupcake flavored toothpaste, Ivory soap, and… Flower Girl bubble bath?” Her eyebrow quirked up and a tiny amused smirk appeared on her face. “These are awfully _ specific _ things for a boy who’s never been inside this vault to be asking for. You understand that, right?”

“Uh… right.”

“Also rather  _ familiar _ things, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

He sighed, “Right.”

“Hmm… well, we do have everything here, of course.” She leaned in once more to whisper, “But if you’ll take an old lady’s advice, I’d be a little more vague with your requests when you talk to the others… and definitely don’t show them this list.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She handed the slip of paper back over to him and went back to her usual volume, “Of course we can help, dear, and what a sweet boy you are to want to find a few presents for your mother.”

“Thank you.” He’d always wondered how the hell Abby had turned out so awesome when the rest of her vault sucked shit on toast. It made a little more sense now if this lady had been watching over her the whole time. She seemed to be the only person with any brains in this whole dump.

“M’hmm. Now was there anything else I can help you with?”

“Well, actually, as a Lucy yourself, if you were thirteen again, what do you think you’d like? I mean, I know she needs a headband thing but I kinda wanted to get her something extra, too."

“Ah. Well, let’s focus on what she needs and then we can worry about what she wants. We have more Alice bands than you can shake a stick at and they look nice on everyone. What color hair does she have?”

“Brown.”

“Eyes?”

“I dunno… kinda green-brown? Ish?”

“Hazel, dear. That’s called hazel. I’d go with the lavender if she’s going to wear it every day. It’ll go well with her coloring.”

“Alright, thanks.” He picked up the purple band she pointed at and marveled a little at the velvety fabric. “Wow. This is really nice. I don’t think she’s ever had one this nice before.”

“It’s five caps. Does she have a favorite color?”

He shrugged, “She usually buys pink ribbons and stuff.”

“Oh, well, we have a bunch of that.” She hummed thoughtfully and finally selected a bright pink bow with a small sparkling heart at the center. “Here we are. I bet this clip would look quite fetching on your little sweetheart. Three caps.”

“How’d you know we’re --”

“Well, it’s plain as day.” She passed him the barrette and smiled, “You should see your face whenever you’re thinking about her. It’s very cute. First girlfriend?”

“First and only, hopefully.”

“Oh, isn’t that just the sweetest thing.” She nodded to herself, “Abby was right. I  _ do _ like you.”

Mac grinned at her. For some weird reason, he really liked this old lady, too. “How much for every pink doodad you’ve got?”

“Oh. Oh, my… that would be… fifty caps?”

“Sold.”

She waited until he’d started counting them before bringing out a little box from under the table and carefully tucking away every pink item on display. “Oh, ho. Big spender.”

“You know it. Nothin’s too good for my girl.”

“My word, son. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you.”

“Nah, I’m the lucky one. She’s a doctor, you know. Smart, funny --”

“Pretty?”

_ “Beautiful! _ There’s nothin’ in this world as gorgeous as her.”

“So Peter has his Wendy lady. That’s darling. Just  _ darling.” _

“Heh. Thanks.”

“M’hmm. You take good care of her, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Mrs. Palmer passed over the box and called out to a nearby table, “Pepper, dear?”

A red-headed lady with tired eyes stood and came over, “Yes, Mrs. Palmer?”

“This is Mr. RJ Roe from Canterbury Commons. He’s looking for a few toiletry items and non-perishables for his dear mother. Would you mind helping him?”

“Of course.” She smiled at him, “How do you do? I’m Pepper Gomez.”

“Hi.”

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Roe. If you’ll just follow me...”

Back at the entrance to the vault, Butch was just tossing his rifle into a locker when the screeching started behind him and he ducked his head out of habit and self-preservation before his pride had him straightening his shoulders.

None of this mattered anymore. None of these people mattered anymore. He was his own man now.

“What is  _ he _ doing here?!”

“Ah, now, Miss Mack --”

“Oh, shut it, Gomez! He has to be on the list of undesirables by now!”   


“The Overseer never officially put him on --”

_ “Goddammit!” _ Susie stomped over and jabbed him in the shoulder with her finger, “Well? Where do you get off trying to creep your way back in here, huh?”

He sighed and popped his neck before turning around and attempting a polite smile, “Hello to you, too.”

“You’ve got some nerve just waltzing into this vault like you’ve got a right to!”

“Okay.”

She smirked, “What? Did your precious little angel reject you just like I said she would?”

“That’s none of your --”   


“I bet she laughed right in your face when you confessed, didn’t she? I still can’t believe you really thought you’d have a shot at someone like that. She’s a geek and all but she’s still a  _ doctor _ and all you’re ever gonna be is some sad L-7 loser.”

It was like he could actually feel her chipping away at his self-control, but he wasn’t going to give in this time. She wanted him to lose his temper here. Either get himself kicked out or fall back into their same old routine. Neither of those options were paths he wanted to go down.

“Nah, she ain’t the type to be mean like that. You need to stop assuming all girls are messed up like you are, ‘cause they ain’t.”

“What did you say to me?!”

Officer Gomez cleared his throat quietly, “Ah, Miss Mack? If you could please tell the Overseer about our special guest? That’s actually why I sent for you.”

“Oh, I’m gonna tell her! I’m gonna tell her and then some!” She spun around and flounced back inside.

He sighed heavily, “I’d be quick about this visit if I were you, DeLoria.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“Hey… have you seen her though? Abby, I mean?”

“Yeah. What’s it to you?”

“Is she doing alright? Freddie told me after she left that she’d lost her father. I’ve been worried about her ever since.” He shook his head, “I always thought, if she’d survived, it was because James found her, but…”

Butch sighed. Alright, maybe there were a handful of people who still mattered here. The Gomez family had always been alright. Completely useless across the board, but alright.

“She’s good. Great, actually. Got a house in a really safe place. Lots of friends everywhere. She’s happy.”

“Oh. Oh, that’s… that’s great. I’ll tell Freddie. I know he and Amata were --”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure Amata really fuckin’ cared from the bottom of her cold little Benedict Arnold heart, huh? Pssh. Piss off with that bullshit.” He shouldered past him and headed for his quarters.

“Uh… alright, just… behave yourself.”

“Whatever.”

* * *

Agatha tapped her mug thoughtfully, “Oh, my. That’s quite the tale.”

“Yeah.” Abby stared morosely at her own mug and shook her head, “I’m the worst.”

“No, I don’t think you are. I really don’t. Your friend Sarah was right. Crushes are silly things that you just have to go through from time to time. There’s usually no rhyme or reason to them.”

“Right.”

“He sounds very nice.”

“He is.” Tears welled up again and she wiped them away. “He’s  _ so _ nice now. Do you… do you think maybe this could all be happening because I lost Daddy?”

“Hmm. Well, it's true a thing like that is going to affect you everyday for the rest of your life. I can still remember the day I lost my daddy and that was… heavens, nearly sixty years now.”

“Right.”

“But, from everything you’ve told me, no, I don’t think losing him  _ directly _ influenced these feelings you’ve got for your friend.”

“Oh.”

“Are you sure this is just a crush, sweetness?”

“What do you mean?”

“Could it be something more?”

“I… God, I hope not.”

“Oh, Abby. Honestly.”

“I do! I  _ can’t _ like him for real! It’s bad enough just being some stupid hormonal thing!”

“Hmm.”

“Anyway, I don’t even know what the difference is between a crush and… and the…”

“And love?”

“Yes, that.”

Agatha chuckled, “Well… crushes usually go away once familiarity sets in, dearest. How familiar would you say you are with Butch?”

She swallowed thickly, “Very.”

“M’hmm. Known him your whole life.”

“Right.”

“Spent every day together for the past few months.”

“Two and a half.”

She smiled and gently set her hand over Abby’s, “Sweetie. Come on. You need to stop lying to yourself. It’s not going to hurt anyone to admit how you really feel for this young man.”

“Yes, it will!”

“How?”

“What if he finds out and it ruins our friendship? I don’t think I could take that.”

“Do you even hear yourself talking? This boy is already so important to you that you can’t imagine life without him?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“You  _ just _ said you couldn’t take it if your friendship was ruined.”

“That’s… I… oh,  _ God.” _

“It’s alright, honey. Just breathe.”

“How could this have happened?!”

“Goodness, your voice goes so high when you’re upset.”

_ “How do I make it go away?!” _

“Oh, honey. You don’t.”

Abby started to feel lightheaded and set her mug aside to put her head between her knees. “You are not helping right now.”

“There’s nothing to help, sweetpea. It is what it is.”

“But he loves somebody else!”

“Maybe.”

“There’s no maybe to it! He said he did!”

“Men say a lot of things.” She waved her hand, “Anyway. If he loves her so much, why isn’t he with her? Why’s he out galivanting with you?”

“He said she wouldn’t have him.”

“Hmm, but you would, right?”

“Agatha!”

“Oh, shush. You know you would. Heck, if he really looks like a movie star, I wouldn’t mind taking a whack at him myself.”

She almost laughed at the idea. The no doubt hysterical look on Butch’s face while he tried to fend off her advances would be priceless. “Maybe you should.”

"Even if he did fancy some other girl, he's already admitted to you that  _ that _ relationship won't happen. So what's wrong with letting  _ this _ relationship happen?"

"But he loves her. He's always… I mean, he's had all sorts of girlfriends and things but he's never  _ loved _ one. She's  _ special." _

"Okay."

"And as long as there's even a tiny chance she could change her mind about him, I should be supportive of his feelings, right? That's what a good friend would do!"

"I suppose."

"And I'm not… I'm not his type. At all. He's into, you know, very  _ feminine _ women, not people like me."

“That’s very interesting how you said that, dear.”

“What?”

“Very feminine  _ women, _ not  _ people _ like me.”

“Oh.”

“Almost as if you weren’t a woman yourself.”

Abby took a deep breath and sat up to look her in the eye, “I’m not exactly sure that I am a woman, actually.”

“Ah.”

She waited for more questions or something, but Agatha just sat there nodding to herself. “That’s it? No reaction at all?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She patted her on the knee. “I’ve forgotten more than you’ve seen of the world. There’s all sorts of people out there. Some are men and some are women and some are both and some aren't either and that’s fine. It takes all kinds, you know. You can’t write a symphony with only one note, or even one melody.”

“It wasn’t like that in the vault.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No, you were only allowed to be what you were supposed to be.”

“And you were supposed to be a girl?”

“Right.”

“Well, that’s just silly.”

She laughed, “I wish we’d had you as our Overseer.”

“Oh,  _ stars, _ no! Can you imagine!” Agatha giggled, “Me in charge of a whole group of people like that. I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself. Probably just tell people to do whatever they felt like doing.”

“That’s why you’d make a perfect Overseer.” A heavy sigh left her, “Butch only likes girls. He always has.”

“Could it be he just didn’t know there were other options?”

“No, there were always a few people who… you know, snuck around and did things that weren’t exactly up to Vault-Tec COC* standards. We all knew there were alternatives, and he was kind of the class rebel so if someone was going to thumb their nose at society, it would have been him.” She shrugged, “He just likes ladies.”

“Hmm.”

“And no matter what I look like, I’m  _ not _ a lady. Not inside down where it counts.”

“Right.”

“So there you go. Even if somehow everything else magically came together, I can’t change who we are so it wouldn’t work.”

“Well, sure, but have you run any of this past him?”

“Of course not.”

“Why of course not?”

“I… you’re actually the first person I’ve told outright.”

“Goodness.” She smiled at her, “Well, I’m honored. Thank you for trusting me with a thing like that. You’re such a sweet… uh, person.”

Abby smiled back, “You can still call me a girl if it’s easier.”

“No, you just said you weren’t one and I’ve got a million other things I can call you so it’s fine. You’re still my sweetpea.”

“Thanks.”

“I think you should give him a chance though, dearest. Maybe he’s a little more flexible than you know.”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Hi, Butch, I know you’re in love with someone else, but I’m pretty sure I’m crazy about you and oh, by the way, I’m not actually a woman and I don’t really know what I am but I hope that’s alright.’? That sounds like something a crazy person would say.”

“Well, sure, when you just lay it all out there like that. Heavens to Betsy. A little tact goes a long way, you know.”

“I guess.”

Agatha studied her face and frowned, “I hate seeing you so down in the dumps like this.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you with any of this when you’re sick.”

“No, no, no. This is nice. This is lovely, actually. I was bored out of my mind and I’ve missed you. It’s nice to catch up.”

“It is nice.”

She nodded, “I think… if you truly feel like he won’t return your feelings --”

“He won’t.”

“-- and if it’s more than simple infatuation, then there’s really only one solution here.”

“What?”

“You need distance. Distance and time cures most ailments of the heart. He lives in your house right now so you’re smooshed together every single day. You don’t have a chance getting over any of this if he’s right there in your face.”

“You think I should kick him out?”

“I’d probably put it a little nicer than that. Was him staying with you supposed to be a permanent thing?”

“I don’t really know. He just sort of crashed on the couch one night and then… never left.”

“M’hmm. Freeloader. I know the type. Are there any houses in Megaton available right now?”

“Um… there’s two that I know of.”

“Well, there you go. Convince that sheriff friend of yours to give him one and move him on out. Reclaim your space. Get back to your old routines and see if that doesn’t help you feel a bit more clear-headed about everything.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Her face scrunched up as she tried to will the fresh wave of tears away. “I don’t want to though.”

“Of course you don’t, honey. But if he stays, you’re just going to tear your poor little heart to bits over this.”

“Right.”

“It’s the only sensible solution that I can see.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” She sighed and checked the time on her PipBoy. “Lunch?”

“Oh, that would be delightful.”

* * *

The jury-rigged lock he’d fashioned for his door was still holding up, despite the obvious attempts at cracking it. Either Susie or one of her little minions had scraped the hell out of the door trying to get inside. God only knew why.

Butch let himself in and immediately locked it back behind him, just in case.

Everything was exactly as he’d left it, which was to say it looked like a trash heap. He kinda felt bad about that. This was where Abby had grown up. He probably shoulda taken better care of the joint while it had been in his hands. It had just been hard to care about anything those two years. Once he was sober, he’d just kept to the same routine every damn day. Wake up, go to work, avoid talking to anyone he didn’t absolutely have to, come back here and wallow in his misery. Read one of the contraband books she’d left behind or the doc’s old self-help ones. Work out until he was tired enough to fall asleep in front of the TV. Rinse and repeat. He didn’t have the energy back then for anything else. Just existing took everything he had.

He tossed his pack onto the couch, kicked a few takeout boxes out of the way and made his way into Abby’s old bedroom. This room was probably the neatest in the house, next to her dad’s. Pretty much exactly as she’d left it, albeit with much dirtier sheets than she’d have ever allowed.

Butch crawled on the bed and pried a piece of paneling off the wall. His box of journals were still there. Still untouched. He hefted it out and made a face at the weight. Mac was gonna _kill_ him.

Twenty some odd notebooks in an old file storage box he’d ‘borrowed’ from school. They went all the way back to before he could even write. The first few were just pages and pages of doodles. Nearly all of Abby. A lot of childish block print where he’d practiced her name even more than his own until he got it just right.

They went into the pack first. Scooted way down to the bottom.

Next were the books she’d left behind. All things that had been banned from the library. He never really knew how she’d come into possession of them. When they were kids, he’d just assumed her dad had been involved somehow, but given her proclivity for things like sneaking live grenades into people’s pockets, he was wondering if maybe she’d just taken them herself. Probably thought of it as liberating them from the incinerator so it wouldn’t count as stealing in her head.

Just seven in all. Not too bad.

Next came the stuffed teddy bear he’d found in her dresser the day after she’d left. Well-mended and obviously loved on to within an inch of its life. He could vaguely remember her carrying it around everywhere when she was little enough to keep her thumb in her mouth at all times. Hard to believe she’d hung onto it all these years, but he liked that she was so sentimental.

Item after item went into the bag. Her favorite coffee cups she’d mentioned to Wadsworth. The little box of gears and gizmos she’d for some reason kept in her bedside table. Three tubes of chapstick in strawberry, passion fruit and cotton candy flavors. Another little box full of hair doodads he’d sometimes seen her wear. She had a lot of little boxes, actually. Liked things neat and tidy. A place for everything and everything in its place.

He finally got everything he could think of squared away and wandered back into the living room, standing with his hands on his hips trying to think if there was anything else he might have missed. His eyes finally landed on the door to her dad’s room and he frowned thoughtfully to himself. He’d always thought of James as the world’s most upstanding citizen. Someone incapable of dishonesty or deception.

But now that he knew better…

Butch stepped inside and wrinkled his nose at the immediate feeling of wrongness that settled over him. He’d often broken into their apartment as a kid to sneak into Abby’s room, but he’d never had the balls to sneak into her daddy’s. Not even after he’d been long gone.

“Sorry, Doc. I’m sure you understand.” He shook off the feeling as best he could and started tossing the room.

James had left the vault thinking Abby would be safe here forever. That she’d no doubt live right here in this apartment for the rest of her life and eventually move into the master bedroom. So if he was going to leave something behind for her, it should be here, right?

Fifteen frustrating minutes later, Butch huffed irritably to himself. The place looked like a tornado had gone through it and nada. He tapped his foot and thought hard.

“If I were a guy with somethin’ to hide, I’d put it…” He smirked as it finally dawned on him. “Wow, I’m dumb.”

He climbed over the double bed, and tapped the wall a few times. Sure enough, it was hollow on the other side, just like in Abby’s room. Took a bit more elbow grease to pop the panel off, but the satisfaction he felt seeing the thick, leather-bound journal inside made it totally worth it.

Knowing he was going to be able to present Abby with this lost piece of her father? Cherry on the sundae. Fucking  _ tasty. _

He wasn’t putting it in the bag though. Oh, no. It was far too precious for that. He carefully set it on the couch and slipped back out of the apartment, locking the door once again behind him.

Still had a few errands to run before the big switch off.

By the time he got back, nondescript cardboard tube in hand, Mac was huffing and puffing out in the corridor. He glowered the second he saw him.

“It’s about fucking time!” He whisper-shouted and watched him pick the lock. “It was a pain in the ass shaking my stupid escort! I thought she was gonna proposition me there at the end.”

He chuckled, “Who?”

“I dunno, somebody named Pepper.”

“Oof. Yeah, she’s uh… she's a little needy.” Understandable, given her husband, but still.

“Yeah, she’s… oh. Oh,  _ dude. _ You didn’t.”

He shrugged as the door opened, “Shit’s boring down here. What can I say?”

“Yeah, but  _ that _ boring?!”

“Get in already.”

Mac stepped inside and watched him lock it back up. “Hey, where’d you learn to do that, anyway?”

“I'm as close to a criminal as this place has ever produced. Been pickin’ locks since I was ten. It ain’t a hard skill to learn. Just takes practice.”

“Huh. Bet it comes in handy.”

“More often than you’d think, yeah. So what all did you get?”

“Everything on the list, plus a ton of stuff for Lucy.” He made a face, “Assholes wouldn’t sell me any cigarettes.”

“Alright, I guess I can help with that.”

“So now we switch, right?”

“Right. Dump out Abby’s stuff on top of the junk in my bag just in case they look. This, too.”

He caught the tube Butch tossed his way and shook it a little. Didn’t feel like anything was actually inside it. “What the heck is this?”

“Art.”

Mac scoffed, “Alright, Rembrandt.” He flipped the pack open and scowled, “What the fuck?!  _ Books?! _ That’s what we’re here for?”

“That’s part of what we’re here for and hurry up, cause we’ve only got…” He checked his PipBoy and frowned. “Another forty-five minutes.”

“Until what?”

He grinned, “Until they get their comeuppance.”

“That Amata chick’s gonna get it the worst, right?”

“Well, since she’ll be in charge of fixing everything that goes wrong? Yeah. She’ll definitely get it the worst.”

“Nice.”

“Yup.”

“I got her, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Told Pepper I had to use the bathroom and I snuck into that stupid Overseer’s office instead. Place was totally empty. No guards or nothin’. Left her an upper decker in that fancy pants private john of hers. A  _ ripe _ one.”

Butch snorted, “Classic.” He held up James’s journal. “Alright, now look, this book’s  _ special, _ got it? It belonged to Abby’s dad. It’s  _ really important.” _

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

“So we ain’t puttin’ it in the bag. It’s goin’ in your shirt.”

“Right. That’s a good idea.”

“Alright.” He watched him tuck it away and nodded. “Can’t see it at all. Good job.”

“You aren’t the only delinquent around, y’know.”

“Heh. Okay… go on and get outta here. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Right. Meet up at the same rock outside?”

“Yup.”

“Okay.” He hefted up the pack and grimaced as he put it on. “Ugh, it’s gonna be a pain pretending this isn’t heavy.”

“Yeah, but you can do it, cause you’re a big, tough guy, right?”

He rolled his eyes, “You remember I’m fourteen? I’m not  _ five. _ You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a baby.”

“Uh-huh.” Butch opened the door and stuck his head out. “Okay, kiddo. Get to steppin’. Cafeteria’s callin’ your name.”

Mac scoffed as he marched past, “You are _so_ lucky I love Abra. I just want to make sure you know that.”

“Make sure you get mustard on that dog… and relish.”

“I swear to God, if this thing is gross, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Yeah? Well, if you can actually get your foot up that high, I’ll let ya’, short stack.”

“Ha!”

He counted to sixty before picking up his mostly empty bag and shrugged it on. A quick check to make sure he had his ration card in his pocket and he was out the door, jogging quietly down the hallway. Most people he passed either stared at him in shock or turned away altogether. Wally saw him and flipped him the bird, which he ignored.

Whole goddamn Mack family could catch fire and he wouldn’t care enough to piss on ‘em to put it out.

Vault 101’s dispensary center was supposedly designed to emulate a pre-war shopping mall. Useless storefronts with creepy mannequins greeted him as he entered. Luckily nobody was around, but that made sense with it being near the end of the month. Nobody got paid until the first and then the crush would be on.

He started at the clothes shop, buying as much underwear and socks in as many sizes as he could. Still only down by five hundred credits, which wasn’t bad. Next came the food court where he got a month’s supply of dehydrated noodles and junk food. Luckily, it always dispensed items in a tidy, plastic wrapped bundle which he could easily carry and later strap to Mac for the trip back to Lamplight.

The jewelers was next. It was probably silly and stupid and more than a little presumptuous, but he wanted to be prepared just in case. He’d had a ring programmed into the system since well before Abby had ever left. Something delicate and fine that he couldn’t hammer out himself. Platinum so it would last forever. Two diamonds flanking a ruby. Past, present, future. ‘Love, honor, and cherish’ engraved in fancy script on the inside.

Thing cost a fortune, and he’d hesitated for far too long pulling the trigger on it. Butch checked to make sure the details were right and had to use his thumbprint to authorize such a large purchase, but goddamn it was satisfying hearing that little ping and seeing that black velvet box roll on out on the delivery line. Even if it never ended up on her finger, he was proud that he’d bought it.

It got stuffed into his pocket and he grabbed Mac two whole cartons of smokes from the tobacco kiosk before heading over to the candy store. It was pretty funny spending a quarter year’s salary on nothing but sugar and he had to set his pack on the floor to catch it all as it came shooting out like nickels from a slot machine. Endless plastic wrapped goodies for the kids of Lamplight and one grownup who, he was pretty sure, must’ve been a hummingbird in a past life.

The last sucker finally fell into his bag and he decided to take that one for himself. Just as a treat, cause he’d definitely earned it. Plus, it was grape. The greatest flavor known to mankind.

“So it’s true. You actually came back.”

Goddammit. He hadn't even heard her slink over. Butch snapped his pack shut, put it on and turned around. “Ms. Overseer.”

“Are you back for good, or…”

“Nah. Just came to get a few odds and ends.”

“And candy.”

“Yeah.” He popped his sucker into his mouth and grinned around it. “I like candy.”

“So does Abby.”

He waited but she just stared at him. “You wanna ask me somethin’ or what?”

“Is she okay?”

“What’s it to you?”

“I’m her best friend. I'm worried about her.”

“Nah,  _ I’m _ her best friend.  _ You’re _ the double-crossin’ chicken-shit who kicked her out ‘cause it was easier than standing up to a few assholes, remember?”

“It was for the greater good. She understood that.”

“Well, I don’t and she ain’t here, so…” He shrugged.

“Butch, I just want to know she’s alright.”

“She’s great.”

“Good. Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me walk you out. Otherwise, there might be… issues.”

He fell in step beside her and chortled, “Hmm, trouble in paradise already, sweetcheeks? Turns out gettin’ into bed with the Macks ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, huh? You know, if you'd asked me about all that, I coulda saved you the trouble.”

“It is what it is. Politics requires you make a lot of sacrifices and compromises.”

“Yeah, and I guess you’re pretty good at rollin' over like that.”

Walking with the Overseer meant a lot more eyes were on him heading out. A lot more hostile eyes, at that. Old Lady Palmer gave him a wave though and he tossed her one back. Probably be the last time he ever saw her and that actually made him pretty bummed out. She was one of the good ones. Probably get along great with Maya in Megaton, but he knew she was too devoted to the few remaining kids here to leave.

They were nearly to the entrance when he spoke again, “Y’know, Amata, we’re probably never gonna see each other again.”

She sighed, “I'm not banning you from the vault. You’re always welcome back here, Butch.”

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna. Whole place reeks.” He made a face, “I spent my whole life thinkin’ you really lucked out, but now I know better. There’s shit you dunno, but I think you oughta. See, your dad --”

“Is also your dad. I know.”

That had him stopping in his tracks, “What?”

“I’ve always known. I didn't know you knew though.”   


“You’ve _always_ known?”

“Yes, Dad used to threaten me when I was little with being sent to live with you and your mother if I didn't behave. He said you were bad and that’s why you had to stay there with her.”

“What?!”

“Which I realized later probably wasn’t true, but yeah, I’ve always known.”

“And you never said nothin’?”

“I couldn’t risk it getting out. It would have damaged my father’s standing in the vault.”

“Jesus. Holy shit, you really went to town on that Kool-Aid, didn’t you?” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I did as a kid. Not so much now. He failed the both of us as a father and everyone in his duties as Overseer. I used to think everything he did was for the vault, but now I’m pretty sure it was all about his own ego.” She sighed, “Did you say goodbye to your mom?”

“I woulda, but she was already passed out.”

“Oh.” She shrugged, “She’s unconscious more than not since you left. I’ll tell her you were here.”

“Thanks.” He unlocked his locker and picked up his rifle. “Alright, well… guess this is it, kid. Have a nice life.”

“You, too… and take care of Abby, please. Tell her I’m still sorry for everything.”

Butch snorted, “I ain’t gonna lie to her for you.”

“It’s not a lie.” She folded her arms and lowered her voice, “I shouldn’t have exiled her. It was the wrong choice but there’s no going back now. I regret it though. I’ll probably always regret it.”

“Hmm.” He glanced over her head and frowned at the Macks standing there smugly watching him go. Whole family turned out for the event. Probably the greatest day of their lives. Watching their little puppet-queen meekly send him on his way. Fuckers. He cleared his throat a bit and spoke up, “Well, don’t worry about it. She’s with me now. Been livin’ together for months. We got a sweet little place in Megaton. It's downright domestic. You're welcome to visit whenever.”

Amata looked shocked but attempted to cover it with a pleasant smile, “Oh. Oh, that’s… well, great.”

“I really just stopped by to get the engagement ring I’d ordered for her a few years back.” He smirked at the overheated tea kettle noises coming from Susie and kept his eyes resolutely glued on Amata’s face. “Gonna surprise her with it. I was thinkin' maybe at Christmas. Be pretty romantic, don’t ‘cha think?”

“Uh… y-yeah. Yeah, that’s… congratulations.”

“Thanks, sis. Tell Dad I said hey.” A few scandalized gasps escaped their small but captivated audience but he just couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t just gonna burn these bridges, he was gonna nuke ‘em from orbit. Butch walked backward down the ramp towards the door and waved cheerfully at the crowd. “Yo, Wally!”

He sneered, “What?”

“Just so you know, I fucked your mom, too… and she was  _ better _ than your sister.” He laughed at the immediate pandemonium that broke out, turned around and didn’t bother looking back. He was still chuckling by the time he got to the door and about jumped out of his skin when Mac suddenly appeared from the shadows like some kind of imp.

_ “Shit! _ Jesus, kid, don't _do_ that! You're supposed to be at the rock, dammit.”

“Was that true?!”

“What?”

“What you said about that guy’s mom  _ and _ sister.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Holy shit.”

“It’s actually nothin’ to brag about, kiddo. It’s not somethin’ I’m proud of.”

“Sure, I mean, it’s kinda gross and all but  _ still… _ I’d high-five you but I’m kinda worried about where that hand’s been.”

“Shuddap, you little fuckin’ brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from a quote by Theodore Roosevelt: "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
> 
> & heck yeah, Mac got 'the hat'. Aaaah! Present from Butch. ❤
> 
> *(COC = Code of Conduct)


	18. Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not

Butch couldn’t remember being so damn excited in his whole life.

The house was immaculate. Wadsworth had been ecstatic enough to see proper linens again that he’d really outdone himself and deep cleaned the whole place. Candy sat in dishes on nearly every surface, including an entire water pitcher filled to the brim with pixie sticks. Her cute coffee cups with the little dancing cats around the rim sat in a place of pride in the kitchen. Abby’s pen mug upstairs was full to burst with brand new, never before used ballpoints with three extra boxes in the top drawer of her desk. The bathroom looked like a whole new place after he’d set up a shelf for her bubble bath and ribbons and (honestly, kinda disgusting) toothpaste. He’d also hung up the picture that had started it all right by her door. Waddy had scanned it for almost a full minute before giving him an approving hum.

Shit, he’d even given Dogmeat a bath and that had required more effort than any chore he’d ever done in his life.

He’d set her books on her desk but kept the journal on him. He  _ had _ to hand it to her personally. Had to see the look on her face when she opened it up and realized what it actually was.

The second he heard her key in the lock, Butch bolted for the door, all but bouncing in his excitement.

Abby let herself in with a heavy sigh and started a bit when she immediately encountered him. “Oh… oh, hi.”

“Hey! How was ol’ Aggie doin’?”

“Uh… it’s bacterial pneumonia. I left her some medicine and Crow’s there so…”

“So she’ll be alright?”

“M’hmm.”

“Good!”

“Yeah.”

Her melancholy finally got through his cloud of anticipatory joy and he stopped bouncing. “Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She kept her head down while she untied her boots. “Nothing's wrong. I’m just... tired.”

“Oh.” Well, that made sense. She’d probably worked herself to the bone fixin’ up the old broad. “I got somethin’ for that.”

“Hmm?”

“I got somethin’ that’ll perk ya right back up!”

“Okay.” She finally glanced up at him, “What is it?”

“Ta-da!” He brought out a bowl full of fruit chews from behind his back and grinned. “Lookit.”

“Mambas?” She frowned thoughtfully and took one. “Where did you find these?”

“Same place I found a bunch of other stuff, dumb-dumb. Come on!” He grabbed her hand and dragged her along, pointing out the little dishes everywhere. “See? All the candy you could ever want! It’s like Willy Wonka’s wet dream!”

“That’s nice, but --”

“Come on upstairs!”

“Okay.” Not that she had much of a choice. He hauled her into the bathroom and pointed again.

“Check it out! Towels, soap, toothpaste, floss, bubble bath! We’re gettin’ fancy up in here!”

She blinked at the familiar items and a little seed of apprehension formed in her stomach. “Oh.”

“And your bedroom!”

Abby found herself suddenly standing in her room, staring at yet more candy and seven books she’d assumed she’d never see again. “Where’d you --”

“Fitted sheets! You said you missed those, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, I got ‘em! What do you think?”   


“I…” She finally realized her hand was still in his and jerked it back. “Where did all of this come from?”

He wrinkled his nose, “The vault.”

“The vault? You went to…”

“Yeah, kinda had to, y’know? Only place that has this stuff anymore.” He shrugged, “But hey, what are best friends for, huh?”

That seed blossomed into something terrible with awful thorns that tore at her insides. “O-oh.” He was so happy right now. Practically vibrating with joy. Things must have gone well with his girl, or maybe he was just glad to have seen her. Abby couldn’t stand it and had to look away from his sparkling eyes, even though it made her feel like an awful person.

She should be happy for him. That’s what a good friend would do. Not want to throw a tantrum and slam her door in his face. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know how she felt and he was never going to know. She should just get over herself and be his friend like he wanted.

“Hey, are you sure you’re alright? You don’t look so good.”

Abby took a big breath and stamped it all down, giving him as bright as smile as she could manage. “Did you have a good time?”

“Huh?”

“Visiting the vault?”

“Oh, well, I mean… it’s the vault, right? How good of a time can anybody really have there?”

“Hmm.”

“Do you… do you not like everything? I thought… it’s all stuff you said you missed and all, so…”

Oh, God, now her selfishness was making him feel bad. “I love it! I love all of it! I’m… I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s alright. Maybe you just need a nap.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it. I’ll take a shower and sleep for a bit.”

“You sure you didn’t catch what she had, right?”

“It’s not really contagious.”

“Oh, good. Shit, I was worried there.”

“Thanks for worrying.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, “Well --”

“I was thinking --”

They spoke over each other and both fell off into uncomfortable silence.

“What were you thinking?”

“Just… you know there’s two houses available here in Megaton, right? There’s that place by Church’s and Jericho’s old house is just a bit up the way.”

“Okay…”

“I mean… you can’t sleep in my loft forever, right? I can’t imagine that cot’s comfortable, especially for someone as tall as you, and --”

“Are you kickin’ me out?”

She flinched from the hurt in his voice and shook her head, “N-no, I just thought… you’d like a little more privacy.” Silence grew again and she knew he was staring at her but she couldn’t bring herself to look up.

He finally spoke and the quiet way his voice wavered nearly killed her. “Did I do somethin’ wrong?”

“No.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“Is this your way of tellin’ me I’m fired?”

“No, of course not. If you’d still like to work together, that would be fine --”

“It’d be  _ fine?” _

“-- I just think it would be better for you to have your own space. That’s all.”

“My own space…”

God, she couldn’t  _ stand _ it. Not for another moment. “I’ll think I’ll take that shower now.”

“Abby, look at me.”

She cleared her throat and hoped he couldn’t tell she was crying as she slipped past him. “We can talk more after… after my nap.”

“Abby.”

There was no way she could answer without sobbing so she acted like she just didn’t hear him. Just darted into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She held her breath and waited until she heard the floor shift under his feet as he walked away before turning the water on and finally letting herself break down.

It was nothing but sheer cowardice that kept her in the shower after she was finished washing. Long after she’d stopped crying. All the way up until the water ran cold. She finally turned off the spray and morosely watched it run down the drain before switching off the spigot, too.

This outburst just proved Agatha was right. She needed distance and time before everything blew up in her face here. There was no way this was a sustainable model for their friendship. Just the idea that he’d even seen whoever his mystery girl was made her feel crazy.

She stepped out and toweled herself off. Vault-Tec towels. Fresh and fluffy and wonderfully absorbent after so long making do with the tattered scraps of cloth that usually hung on her towel rack. Her eyes landed on the new shelf with all of her old favorites proudly on display. Indulging herself in overly luxurious baths had been one of the few things she’d had in common with the girls in the vault. She'd really missed that particular grooming ritual.

It was such a nice gesture. It really was. So thoughtful and kind that he would think of her even when visiting his lady. He was such a good friend and he’d obviously been excited to show her everything and probably talk her ear off about how wonderful it was to see that girl again. And here she was being a jealous, hateful, ugly little troll of a person and all but snubbing his gifts outright.

A heavy sigh left her as she quickly combed the leave-in conditioner he’d made for her through her hair. No wonder he thought he’d done something wrong. She was certainly treating him like he had. Maybe… maybe she could claim it was all just because of a migraine. At least that way if she started crying again, he’d think it was just the pain in her head and not the one in her heart.

She should suck it up and make the effort to fix things. He definitely still needed to go before she went fully cracked and did or said something unforgivable, but she hadn't realized he'd take her suggestion of moving out so badly. If she couldn’t even manage to take this first small step to saving their friendship, how was she supposed to navigate the really hard stuff? Like the eventual day when he’d show up at her door with someone familiar on his arm, expecting her to be excited and happy for him.

Abby slipped on a clean t-shirt and shorts from the linen closet and took a deep breath to steel herself before opening the door. She knew she looked miserable. No matter how hard she’d tried in the mirror, she just couldn’t make her face cooperate right now. Hopefully though that would just lend credence to her migraine story.

Luckily, he wasn’t waiting right outside the door. She’d kind of worried he would be. Butch wasn’t afraid of confrontation of any kind. He generally preferred to have it out right away and get it over with and almost never held a grudge. Just another example of his delightfully forthright and sincere nature.

She shuffled into her room and sniffled despondently. Faking being sick might not be too much of a stretch at present. Certainly she felt heartsick. Not exactly an ailment she could treat but an illness nonetheless.

There was a book she’d never seen before left on her bed. Old. Leather. Whisper thin pages with gilded edges. No title on the front. She flipped it open, squinted a bit to make out the words and then stared in disbelief and shock at the first page.

“This journal belongs to James Bernard Lane…  _ Daddy.” _ Abby grabbed her glasses off the desk, settled onto the bed and flipped it to the next page. “January first, 2247… that’s more than thirty years ago. He was just twenty-one.” She quickly went to the last page, “August sixteenth, 2277. That’s the day before he left.” The entry was short, hardly more than a paragraph. Addressed directly to her.

_ My dearest Abigail, I don’t know if you’ll ever find this. Part of me hopes you never do, but I can’t bring myself to toss it all into the incinerator. You deserve to know where you came from and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to explain it all to you myself. I hope by now you understand the choices I made. I wish there were another way, but I just can’t risk you out there. The outside world isn’t an easy one. I know things can be frustrating in the vault, but at least you’re safe. That’s all that matters. You are, by far and away, my finest accomplishment and it has been a privilege being your father. I have no doubt you’ll follow in your mother’s footsteps and continue her legacy of generosity and kindness towards your fellow man. I love you, sweetheart. Never doubt that. _

_ P.S. If things change, and you are one day able to leave the vault,  _ _ do not _ _ under any circumstances travel to Boston. The Institute was my home but they are  _ _ not _ _ your friends. Please believe me. If you wish to seek out anyone, you should look for the Followers. Your mother’s people are good and their cause is noble. It’s something of a journey to find them, but the Brotherhood of Steel should be happy to help the daughter of Catherine de la Cruz. Tell them to look the name up in their records if they’re stubborn about it. _

_ P.P.S. Check under the back cover. _

She carefully peeled up a flap and gasped when a picture fell out. Daddy, Dr. Li, Star Paladin Cross, Elder Lyons holding the hand of a gangly little girl that could only be Sarah. Her mother in the center, holding her very round tummy and beaming at the camera. She smiled back at her and blinked back tears so she could read the inscription on the back. Her mother’s handwriting was so similar to her own that it took her a moment to realize she hadn’t written it herself.

“Baby’s first picture.” She ran through all the names and blinked at the last two. “Uncle Owyn and Cousin Sarah?” The uncle thing could be explained away easily enough, especially since she’d written Aunt in front of both Madison and Cross’s names. But cousin? “Am I related to the Lyonses?”

Abby went back to that first page.  _ January first, 2247. Volkert recommended I begin journaling my dissatisfaction with how things are run around here. He says it’s good to get things out onto paper, but I’m pretty sure he’s just grown weary of hearing my complaints. I don’t care what anyone says, and I don’t care who reads this, the proposed Gen-3s are, in every way that matters,  _ _ human beings. _ _ We cannot allow our own brilliance to blind us against this very obvious fact. If we continue down this path, we will be playing God on a heretofore unheard of level. Progress for progress’s sake is a dangerous precedent to set. We already have the Gen-2s to do all the labor and upkeep and surface scavenging we could ever need! Why this desperate push to ‘redefine mankind’? Jones is absolutely certain this is the next step in human evolution, but if that’s true, then why build them to be slaves? And are we ultimately engineering our own extinction? Arguing is pointless as I am in the extreme minority here and the words of a humble physician mean nothing to the others. I cannot in good conscience continue to participate in these experiments. Nothing good will come from meddling with things we ought not be meddling with. This will bring about the downfall of the Institute, if not the human race itself. Mark my words. _

She shook her head, “The Institute. I can’t believe Daddy was…” Movement outside her room drew her attention and she called out, “Butch?”

Wadsworth poked an aperture in her door and focused on her, “I beg your pardon, Doctor Lane. It’s only me.”

“Oh. That’s alright.”

“Did you need anything?”

“Where’s Butch?”

“I’m afraid Mr. DeLoria has left us.”

Her vision tunneled slightly and it seemed as if all of spacetime folded together for the sole purpose of crushing her under its weight. “What?”

“Yes, he packed up his things and said goodbye. I… were you unaware of this?”

“Yes, I was.” Her heart suddenly beat a staccato rhythm in her chest and Abby scrambled to her desk, pawing through drawers until she came up with a Calmex syringe.

“Oh, dear, dear, dear. That’s… that was  _ most _ impolite of him then.”

She dosed herself and counted backwards slowly from ten. By five she could feel it turning the blood in her veins sluggish. By one her heart had settled into not quite its normal resting pace, but at least it was even and steady. A few deep breaths and she almost felt normal again. Crisis averted. That was two attacks in one week.

She really needed to get a grip on herself at some point.

“Did he say where he was going?”

“No, he did not.”

“Oh. Okay, well… alright.”

“Would you like some tea brought up? We have some lovely Earl Grey now and the most darling little cups you’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you, Waddy.”

Abby stood by her desk, lost and uncertain. Part of her, a very, very large part, wanted to run after him right away. Beg his forgiveness. Tell him she just wasn’t thinking clearly.

Except that was a lie. She had been thinking clearly. Mostly. If this was the only way to salvage their friendship, then bringing him back would just exacerbate the problem. She couldn’t push him away with one hand and hold on with the other. Expecting him to act as her emotional support while she poured over the last thirty years of her father’s life wouldn’t help anything. Her compulsion to do just that was unspeakably narcissistic and just _terrible._

But, she’d clearly hurt his feelings. Met his gifts and kindness with what must have appeared to be disinterest and a shocking lack of gratitude. He’d even found her father’s journal. Just for her.

She finally noticed a pair of soulful brown eyes staring at her from the corner of her desk and nearly started sobbing all over again. Mr. Checkers. Her old teddy bear. He’d brought that, too. All the little bits and pieces of her old life that she’d had to leave behind on that terrible morning. Butch brought them back to her just like he’d brought back her laughter.

Abby picked him up and curled back up on her bed. Whether she wanted to or not, it looked like she was going to be crying for a while. She hugged her bear and the journal to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut, pretending the quiet that now filled her home didn’t hurt.

This was fine. Everything would be fine. She just had to stay the course. She was quite literally famous for going it alone. She liked things calm and predictable. This had all been completely normal a few months ago. There was a time when she’d gone whole weeks speaking to no one save Waddy and her patients. She’d been content then. Things had been fine.

This would all be _fine._

Wadsworth eventually drifted into her room as much as he could and waved a tray at her. “Tea.”

“Thanks.” She made herself get up and take it from him. The cheerful little kittens on the mug with their bright yellow galoshes made her smile. They always had.

“Doctor? Are you alright?”

“What?”

“You look rather… glum.”

“Oh. I…”, she waved a hand towards the bed. “I was reading my father’s journal. That’s all.”

“Ah, I see. Anything interesting?”

“He was from Boston.”

“Oh, Boston! Ol’ Beantown. How nice. Now there’s a city with culture and history.”

“Right.”

“The Underground Railroad, John Hancock, the… oh! Ha! The Tea Party! Ha ha!”

It required effort, but she smiled anyway. “That’s very funny.”

“I can be rather droll when the occasion arises. Well, if that will be all?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Did you have lunch yet?”

“The tea will suffice.”

“Hmm.”

She sighed at the obvious disapproval in his tone. “I’ll eat dinner.”

“Alright then. Don’t go stuffing yourself with all this ridiculous candy. It’s awful for your teeth, you know.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“M’hmm. Happy reading, Doctor.”

The next morning saw her waking up with scratchy eyes and a stuffy head. She’d studied the journal until she realized her mind had wandered enough for her to read the same paragraph four times, then cried herself to sleep. Her sinuses were all swollen and achy, but Waddy handed her a cup of hot chocolate at breakfast that helped a little.

Chocolate, in her experience, helped with most things.

She was on her second cup, spacing out on the couch, when a curt knock on the door made her jump.

Wadsworth hovered over and opened it a few inches, “Who is -- oh! Mr. DeLoria! Good morning.”

“Hey, Waddy.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I work here.”

“Oh! Yes, quite right. Of course.” He let him in and announced him, though there was no need. “Mr. DeLoria to see you, Doctor Lane.”

“Thank you.”

“Mr. DeLoria, would you care for some refreshments?”

“Nah, I’m alright.”

“Very well.” Guest relations duty completed, he floated back into the kitchen.

Abby kept her head mostly down and peeked at Butch through her hair. He didn’t exactly look thrilled to be here. Wearing that familiar bored expression she’d seen on his face during nearly every test they’d ever taken in school. Hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall by the door.

“Good morning.”

“Mornin’.”

“I didn’t know if you’d… would you like to have a seat?”

He shrugged, “Just came by to see what the schedule was.”

“What?”

“We workin’ today or not?”

“Oh. I… I do need to visit Rivet City.” She sighed a bit. “And the Citadel. Again... already.”

“So we doin’ that today, or what?”

“We could.” It was absolutely none of her business but she couldn’t help but ask. “Did you… did you find a place to stay?”

He sucked his teeth for a moment before answering, “Yup.”

“Oh. Good.”

“I’m down by the crater.”

“Oh.” Mr. Burke’s old place. Not an ideal location but more spacious than Jericho’s shack. “That’s nice.”

“M’hmm.”

“Moira has a lot of housewares in stock. If… if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

She nodded and went back to staring at her cup. This was still awful. She hadn’t felt this awkward in years.

“I… I think I said it yesterday, but thank you. For everything but especially for Daddy’s journal. I didn’t even know he kept one. A paper one, anyway. That’s… having that is… I can’t tell you how much it means to me.” She chanced a look at his face, but his expression hadn’t changed. It was like he’d barely even heard her. “I’m sorry if… if I came across as ungrateful.”

“Okay.”

Had she ruined it anyway? Agatha had cautioned her about being tactful, but goodness knew it wasn’t one of her strengths. Maybe he just needed time and space, too. She definitely hurt his feelings when she hadn’t intended to, and now she’d apologized so she probably just needed to let him absorb it properly.

Or something.

“I’ll just… go get dressed.”

“Yup.” Butch watched her scurry up the stairs and sighed to himself after her door shut.

He’d fucked up. In a huge way. He’d been so damn excited to shower her with presents that he’d completely forgotten all about the imaginary girl in the vault Abby thought he was pining over. In fact, he’d forgotten all the way up until he was about to leave Megaton behind forever. He’d felt so blindsided and hurt from her kicking him out that he hadn’t been thinking clearly. He’d just wanted to get  _ away. _ Then the damn gate started to open with that terrible screeching and the vault popped into his head.

Of  _ course _ she’d be upset. From where she was standing, he’d bolted back to another girl the second her back was turned. Same shit he used to pull back in the day. He may as well have stomped on her heart, right? Killed her crush before it even had time to grow into something he could actually work with.

And then he’d just walked out on her. Didn’t leave a note or nothin’. Barely even said goodbye to the robot. As if she didn't already have abandonment issues. He’d  _ just told her  _ she was always gonna be able to depend on him. That she’d always be his first choice and they’d be friends forever and then boom. Knocked it all down like a house of cards.

He was ashamed of himself, and now he could barely look at her. Especially with her all twitchy and shit. They hadn’t even been this uneasy with each other back when he’d first shown up on her doorstep. All he wanted to do was throw himself at her feet and apologize for being such an idiot and a jerk, but doin’ that meant coming clean about  _ everything _ and as much as he wanted to tell her how he felt, he didn’t want to do it like  _ this. _ With both of them miserable and barely speaking to each other.

She still wasn’t ready to meet his eyes when she came down which was honestly fine because he was pretty sure he couldn’t handle that right now anyway. Dressed in her usual jeans, tank top and sleeveless duster. Still wearing that seashell necklace he’d given her and just seeing it there, reminding him of a night not even a week ago where everything had been perfect and amazing, made him want to punch something.

Did it mean something that she was still wearing it? Or was it just that she liked it? He knew she had a thing for the natural treasures of the outside world. He’d noticed that his second day here. Her house had little interesting rocks as paper weights and door jams. Sea glass and broken shells, sorted by color, sat in small jars on a shelf in the living room. Some stunted, bizarrely mutated plant with spiky leaves and a softly glowing flower the color of Nuka Quantum occupied a corner of her lab table in the loft.

So maybe she just liked having a piece of the ocean with her wherever she went?

Butch silently followed her out of the town and over to her bike. He waited for her to ask him to start it, but she didn’t. Her frustrated huff drew him out of his brooding and he finally spoke.

“What?”

“Molerats chewed some of the wires. Looks like we’re walking to the wharf today.”

“Alright.”

She tossed the tarp back over it and headed off towards the road. Trudging. She was definitely trudging. Nothing but the sound of their feet crunching over the rough gravel and hard packed dirt. He slipped on his sunglasses and tried to think of something, anything, to say that would help here.

But what was he supposed to talk about? He wanted to ask about the journal and what she’d read, but that would probably just make her think about him being in the vault. He wanted to ask if she’d treated herself to a bubble bath last night, but, again, vault. He wanted to ask why they were headed to Rivet City but…

Wait, no, he could totally ask about that.

“So what’s so important in Rivet City?”

She jumped a bit. Maybe he hadn’t been the only one feeling a little lost in thought today. “I need to ask Doctor Li some questions.”

“Oh.” He sighed quietly when she didn’t respond after that. She didn't seem inclined to keep the conversation going here and he definitely wasn’t gonna push today.

A few minutes passed and they were well on their way to old I-66 when she spoke again. “Daddy was born in the Institute. In Boston.”

“What’s the Institute?”

“Do you remember the hypothetical about the android?”

“Yeeeah.”

“They’re the ones who make the androids.”

“Your pops was one of them?”

“Yes, but he didn’t agree with what they were doing, so he left. It was a pretty big deal. People aren’t really allowed to leave there.”

“Huh… that explains how he was able to break outta the vault so easy.”

“I guess.”

“So you wanna ask Doctor Li what she knew about it?”

She nodded, “Yes, and I want to ask Harkness if he remembers anything.”

“Harkness… wait, is he the android?!”

“Yes. It’s a secret though.”

“Yeah, I bet! Jeez.”   


“So please don’t say anything.”

“Nah, of course I won’t. He’s obviously a good guy, so… who cares, right? Live and let live.”

“Right.” She took a deep breath, “So, did you see her?”

“What?”

“Your girl in the vault. That’s why you went, right?”

Yeah, he’d  _ really _ fucked up. She was clearly making an effort, but there was a fragile brittle tone in her voice like she was a half-second from bawling her eyes out. “Actually, she ain’t in the vault anymore. I went there for you ‘cause I knew you missed some stuff and…” He sighed, “It was dumb. Just a dumb idea.”

Her hands tightened on the straps of her pack and she nodded once, stiffly. “Oh. I wasn’t aware she’d…” A nervous laugh escaped her and she coughed to try to cover it. “Of course, that was… wow.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just… um.” She shook her head, “Doctor Li isn’t exactly a warm person. She doesn’t really like me, she just sort of tolerates my existence. You should go to the market or something while I’m in the lab. She really hates it when I bring people to her lab.”

Already trying to get rid of him. Well, he couldn’t blame her there. He didn’t even wanna spend time with himself right now. “Sure.”

“And… if you decide you’d like to stay in Rivet City for a bit, that’s alright. The Citadel’s close by and I won’t even be there long, so…”

Shit. Was she  _ really _ trying to get rid of him? She’d been the one to tell him about the houses for rent in Megaton, but maybe she’d decided she couldn’t even stand to have him that close. He was startin’ to feel like some poor mutt about to get abandoned in the woods by their owner like in the movies.

“Okay.”

The rest of their walk was uncomfortably quiet. The silence felt heavy and he was pretty sure she had near infinite things she probably wanted to say or yell at him but she didn’t. Just like he had a lifetime’s worth of stuff he’d always wanted to tell her. But instead they just kept walking.

She perked up enough to be polite and friendly with Grandma Sparkle and her two absurdly good-looking and fit grandsons. Butch watched it all with a scowl and concentrated on getting the little boat ready. He shouldn’t get pissed at two random guys just because they were on better terms with her than he was at present. That was jealous and stupid and juvenile. He was better than that now.

Still didn’t stop him from snickering when the younger one slipped and fell off the dock tryin’ to show off for her.

They finally arrived at Rivet City about an hour after they’d left Megaton, though it felt like a heck of a lot longer than that to him. Harkness let them across the bridge with a friendly wave and he narrowed his eyes to study him through his shades. Guy looked one hundred percent human. If you’d asked him to pick anybody in the wastes as a possible robot, it never woulda been him.

It blew his mind that Doc Lane had apparently been smart enough to actually manufacture a whole goddamn person. He’d known the guy was a top notch doctor and all, but shit. That was mad scientist genius level stuff. No wonder Abby was so smart.

She paused at the entrance and awkwardly gestured at him, “Well… I’ll see you later, I guess.”

“Sure. Right. See ya.”

Abby watched him slip through the door to the market and felt her heart shatter into a million pieces as he left. Christine was surely in there. Somewhere. It had been a few days since she’d seen her in Underworld. She had to be the girl. Even though she’d specifically asked him and he’d said it wasn’t her, it had to be. No one else fit.

Harkness watched her and frowned, “Miss Lane?”

She blinked the tears away and looked up at him, “What?”

“Are you alright?”

“I um…” She eyed the other two security guards and lowered her voice, “I need to speak with you privately please. It’s a personal matter.”

“Understood. Guys, take a coffee break.” He waved the others off and waited until they left to speak again. “What’s this all about?”

“The Institute.”

“Oh. Have they sent another --”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” She felt kind of rude asking him something like this when he’d worked so hard to forget. “You knew my father, didn’t you? Back when you were still A3-21.”

His mouth became a grim line and he nodded, “Yes, I did. He didn’t recognize me, of course. I wish I had said something to him, but I never got the chance.”

“Do you know what he did there?”

“Doctor Lane worked under Doctor Volkert, the Institute's chief physician. Your father had been hailed as the prodigy of his generation. Every department wanted him and there were a lot of… disgruntled people when he chose to go into medicine.”

“Why?”

He shrugged, “The hierarchy of the Institute is unique. Nearly everyone is a scientist and the specialties are sort of ranked. Top tier are always in Robotics or Advanced Systems. Then Bioscience and Synth Retention. Under that is the Facilities department and then, finally, medical doctors. Your father was expected to study under Doctor Jones himself and then eventually take over Robotics.”

“Doctor Jones?”

“He was the scientist everyone said would be the next Director. A man of unparalleled brilliance. He tutored your father often. Took a special interest in him. He was very disappointed when Doctor Lane elected to apprentice under Doctor Volkert.”

“Were you there when he left?”

“Oh, yes. I was in the SRB when the alarms went off. Unauthorized exit. I was being… upgraded at the time so I was unable to participate in the search. I’m not sure how he managed it, but he escaped the squad they sent after him. I can’t lie, it gave me hope that I could somehow do it, too. When I first came to Rivet City and heard about Project: Purity and that there had been a Doctor Lane working on it, I’d wondered if it was the same man or just a coincidence. So I was actually very happy once I got my memories back and I realized I had seen him alive and well. I’d worried. He was always nice to us. To all the androids. He never treated us like an experiment like everyone else did. He even refused to test new serums or viruses on us. He said since we were incapable of giving consent, it violated his Hippocratic oath.” He finally smiled at her, “Your father was a good man. A sterling example of what humanity should aspire to.”

“Thank you.”

“Why are you just now asking about this?”

“I recently came into possession of his journal. I’ve gotten through half of it, but some of it just seems so… fantastical. I guess I wanted confirmation that it was true.”

“Ah.” He nodded, “Then I suppose you’re here to see Doctor Li as well.”

“Is she in?”

“I believe so. She’s been spending more time here and less time at the purifier lately. Something about being unable to work with the Brotherhood breathing down her neck.”

“Right.” Abby sighed heavily, “Okay. Thank you, Harkness.”

“Not at all. If there’s anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. Helping you feels a little like repaying him for his kindness.”

“Thanks.” She gave him a smile and headed into the stairwell. Hopefully Doctor Li was in a helpful mood herself today. Though she rather doubted it.

Butch tromped down the stairs into the marketplace and huffed irritably. He didn’t want to be here. Had no reason to be here. He wanted to be with Abby, dammit, but she was clearly doing everything she could to keep him at arm's length. Maybe if he was just patient and kept his head low, she’d forgive and forget and things would just sorta work themselves out.

Less crazy things had happened, right?

Gary’s Galley was bustling and he headed over, ordering a beer and whatever the special of the day was. Didn’t even bother looking at the menu. Honestly, wasn’t even planning on eating. He just kinda wanted somethin’ to poke at while he waited for Abby.

He picked a table at random and flopped into the chair. This sucked. Everything just sucked and he was so freakin’ angry at himself and --

A pair of hands suddenly clamped over his eyes from behind. “Guess who!”

Butch jerked them away and stared up at her in shock,  _ “Christine?!” _

“Hey, Daddy-O! What’s shakin’?”

“What are you doin’ here?” He watched her sit down and motioned at the filthy coveralls she was sporting. “And what the hell are you wearin’?”

She rolled her eyes and untied the dirty handkerchief that covered her hair. “I live here now, silly. Work here, too.”

“No shit?”

“No shit.” She sniffed at his food and stole some little fried bit off his plate. “So where’s Abby?”

“What?” How’d she know he was with Abby?

“Y’know, I told her to give me a month before she brought you out here, but I guess she just got too excited.” She airily waved her hand, “Well, that’s alright. I move fast myself and I bet she’s going to be  _ super _ impressed that I already have an apartment and a job and everything!”

“You saw Abby?”

Christine blinked at him and giggled, “Wow. Jeez, Butchie. You haven’t changed a bit, huh? Do you  _ ever _ let her talk or do you just keep her mouth otherwise occupied twenty-four seven?”

“When did you see her?”

She rolled her eyes, “Like… I dunno, four or five days ago? It’s kinda hard to keep track of time in here. No windows, y’know? And it’s not like in the vault where they turn down the lighting at a certain time or anything. I told Seagrave we should but he said it would be a safety hazard. Oh! Seagrave’s my boss, if you dunno him. He’s  _ super  _ nice… and kinda cute, actually. Don’t tell him I said that, though. He’s a little shy.”

Unadulterated panic skittered up his spine, “You saw Abby when we were in Underworld?”

“M’hmm. She popped into the clinic and I was there. I’d hurt myself.” She wrinkled her nose, “But it’s the wasteland, right? Everybody gets hurt out here. It was no big deal but I didn’t know that, so I tried going to that ghoul doctor guy but he was a  _ jerk. _ But then Abby was there and she helped me.”

“Uh-huh.” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Christine talked a mile a minute and always had. God only knew what she’d said. “You uh… you two have fun catchin’ up?”

“Oh, sure! It was  _ great _ seeing her! I even sucked it up and apologized to her for being such a dink when we were kids. Susie just kinda steamrolled right over everything, y’know? Well, of course you do. But I’m  _ done _ being a doormat. I can be friends with whoever I want out here. Ghouls, humans, super mutants even! Whoever!”

“Right.”

“And I just _ love _ her haircut! It’s so perfect on her! You did a really good job!” She fluffed her own hair and pouted, “I just dunno what to do with mine yet. I saw a girl walking around the other day with her head  _ half-shaved!  _ Can you believe that! It was so cool. I dunno if I could pull something like that off, though.”

“Yeah… uh, thanks.”

“M’hmm!”

“So… what’d the two of you talk about?”

She giggled, “Oh, I bet you’re worried I told her all  _ kinds _ of stuff, but I didn’t! I promise! Just a little shop talk between girls.” Her head tilted a bit, “Well, no, I mean… I was a  _ little _ naughty and  _ did _ mention that one thing you do but I just wanted to make sure she understood what a catch she landed. She has like, no frame of reference, right?  _ Nobody _ does that.” She huffed, “It’s so frustrating. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to have to pick somebody and train them up myself. Which  _ sucks.” _ A long suffering sigh escaped her,  _ “But! _ I am so glad you two found each other! I bet it was so romantic! Oh, my _ God. _ I remember how you always used to watch all those old movies and stuff so I’m sure you had like, some big crazy masterplan or whatever. Probably swept her right off her feet! She wouldn’t tell me  _ anything, _ of course. You know how quiet she can be. So! I wanna know all about it! Spare no detail!” She set her elbows on the table and propped up her chin with both hands. “Go!”

“Uh… we uh… met here, actually. Rivet City.”

_ “Oooh!  _ How handy to meet at a place with a hotel!”

He laughed, “Y-yeah… well, I mean, she’d just gotten back from this pretty rough place. Point Lookout.”

“The place with the fruit and the swamp people?”

“Yeah.”

_ “Wow.” _ Her eyes were huge as saucers, “She really went there?”

“She kinda goes everywhere.”

“Jeez. I can still remember that one time in gym when she had a panic attack because we were supposed to swim that day, and you’d held her head under the water the last time and she was so  _ freaked out _ that you were gonna do it again even though Amata told her she’d be fine because you’d already been threatened with in-school suspension but she couldn’t calm down and Coach Holden had to call her dad to come and he just marched right into the locker room and everybody  _ screamed _ and it was  _ so ridiculous _ cause, like, he was everybody’s doctor, right? It’s not like he hadn’t seen us all before. Nobody was even naked!” She rolled her eyes, _ “Anyway!  _ I can’t believe she went from  _ that _ to like… wrestling radgators or whatever she was doing out there. That’s wild. She is  _ nuts _ and  _ I love it!” _

Butch blinked at her. He’d completely forgotten the pool thing. Abby had gotten out of the rest of swim class that year after her dad had written her a note and had the Overseer sign off on it. All ‘cause he couldn’t stop himself from messing with her. Jesus.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, okay, okay! Back to the reunion! Oh, hey, are you gonna drink the rest of your beer?”

“Uh, no.”

“Can I have it?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks!” She took a sip and sighed, “I miss the beer in the vault. Okay! Go!”

“Uh… actually, Christine, can I ask you somethin’?”

“Sure!”

“Did you mention the breakup between me and Susie to her?”

“Oh!” Her eyes went huge again, “Oh,  _ no!  _ Did I get you in trouble somehow? Jeez, I’m sorry! Honestly, I just assumed you’d already told her and then she said you hadn’t so I told her. I mean, don’t worry or anything, you come off  _ great _ in that story! Susie’s the monster there, right?”

“So, you did?”

“Sure, I told her all about it!”

How was that possible? Christine had always been too dumb to lie about shit. If she’d already spilled the beans to Abby, then why the hell was she still convinced he was after some other girl? “Even uh… the stuff Susie said about her?”

“Yup. Oh, not the specifics though.” She wrinkled her nose, “Susie was so  _ rude _ about everything. I mean, Abby can’t help being little, right? What the hell was that all about? How many times had we all heard Doc Lane say Abby was the spitting image of her mom, right? And her mom had her, so  _ obviously _ she’s not too little to… y’know, satisfy you, or whatever.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “You were careful that first time with her though, right? She  _ is _ kinda teeny. I gotta admit, I sorta worried about that once I started thinking about it. Not that I was, y’know,  _ thinking _ about it. Much, I mean.”

Oh, she was worried about it, huh? How nice for her. Like he hadn’t been worried about it for literal years. Abby was petite enough that he could almost span her waist with both hands and her hips weren’t much bigger than that. He’d wanted her as far back as he could remember, but about the time he started actually having sex, he’d realized there were a few downsides to being the size he was. Then when she just _ stayed _ little, even after everybody else had hit their teenage growth spurt, he’d started to wonder if a physical relationship between them would ever even really be possible.

Did he care though? No. He’d take whatever he could get so long as he got to be with her. He had a million ways to make her happy that didn’t involve his dick. Tricks and techniques he’d spent years perfecting, much to the delight of the female population of the vault. He could get himself off just fine, too. He didn’t need to possibly hurt her to do it. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t willing to try doing things the old-fashioned way, but if it turned out they couldn’t, he had backups on top of backups already prepared.

“I’m always careful with Abby.”

She smiled fondly at him, “See? That’s  _ so nice. _ Your face never once looked that sweet whenever you were with Susie. You really love her, huh?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You’re  _ just like _ Mr. Rochester from  _ Jane Eyre. _ You know what? I don’t even care that you guys came here so early! I’m just so excited to catch up! Isn’t it  _ nice _ seeing old friends?”

Down in the hydroponics lab, Abby sighed from her seat on an out of the way crate as she watched Doctor Li harangue her terrified interns. They hadn’t even spoken yet, but the cold look she’d been hit with the second she stepped through the door let her know Madison was not in a friendly sort of mood today. Honestly, with Harkness’s confirmation of her father’s past, she didn’t really  _ need _ to talk to her. She just felt like she should.

To think, this woman could have been her auntie if things had gone differently.

A shadow fell over her and she looked up. A still irate Doctor Li scowled down at her.

“Hello, Doctor --”

“What do you want now?”

Right to it then. “I know Daddy was with the Institute, and my mother was with a group called the Followers.”

That was enough to knock the cranky look right off her face and her mouth gaped open. “How did you --”

“Daddy left a journal.”

“Oh, I see.” She seemed to consider this and then finally sighed. “Fine. Come on.”

Abby followed her to her work station and sat in the chair she offered her. “Thank you.”

“Before you even ask, I can’t really tell you much about the Institute. Your father made me promise I wouldn’t a long time ago.” She sat in her own chair and crossed her legs. “I will tell you that your father was, in my professional opinion, prone to dramatics and I don’t personally believe that they were quite as terrible as he always portrayed them. There are far worse things in the world than growing up in a community of scientists, I can tell you that.”

“Why didn’t he want you to say anything?”

“Something about how he was worried they’d try to recruit you. That they’d possibly see you as his replacement. He said they’d feel like they had a right to you.” She shrugged, “I don’t know if any of that is actually true but he was quite insistent.”

“They’re manufacturing synthetic humans and using them as slaves. How can they not be terrible?”

She shrugged, “We don’t know exactly how human these androids of theirs really are. Do they even have free will? Are they truly sentient? Do they maybe just look human? I have no idea and James wouldn’t talk about it, so… I would need to see more evidence of their alleged wickedness before making an official judgement.”

“Did my mother ever talk about the Followers?”

“All the time.” She rolled her eyes, “The great Followers of the Apocalypse. The name just  _ sounds _ like a cult, doesn’t it? I never knew if I could believe her ramblings either.”

“Why not?”

“The way she described them, they were living saints. Pacifists dedicated to spreading knowledge and doling out free medical care to anyone who needed it. She even said they had a university back in California. In someplace called the Boneyard.”

“They’re in California?”

“Supposedly.”

“That’s three thousand miles away. How did she get here?”

Madison rolled her eyes again, “Why not ask your Brotherhood friends?”

“I’m going to, but first I wanted to ask you since you were my parents’ friend.”

She sighed, “Alright. I’m sorry I got short with you. You just… you look so much like her and inside you’re all James and it… makes me punchy, I guess.”

“That’s alright. I understand.”

“Your mother… we met at the purifier. The project was always her vision and she was there first. Your father and I had met earlier on the road and traveled here together. Lots of scientists were converging and we were all… dazzled by her, frankly. She was smart as a whip and extraordinarily kind.  _ Obnoxiously  _ optimistic. Always had a smile on her face. Always talking and laughing. She’d come out with the Brotherhood. Her sister, Marie, had been Elder Lyons’s wife and when she passed, Catherine took on helping to raise Sarah. So long as she was alive, the Brotherhood had a very vested interest in keeping the purifier safe. Especially since Sarah was usually underfoot somewhere.”

“She was… so I am related to them?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Why didn’t they say anything?”

“I’m sure I have no idea, Abigail. You’ll have to ask them.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Anyway, from what I gathered, she and her sister had been born and raised in the Followers. There’s a lot of… politics and things out west that are complex but basically it’s the Brotherhood versus everyone else. No surprise there. So when Marie fell in love with then-Paladin Lyons, it was something of a scandal. The Brotherhood accepted her only after she severed ties with her family, which hurt your mother a great deal. Lyons didn’t agree with it, but he couldn’t really do anything about it at the time.” She shrugged, “Then eventually they decided to send him out here and I guess just before they left, his wife passed. Or something. Anyway, from what Catherine said, she basically ran away from home and came with them so she could be with her niece. Lyons made her a scribe so no one would fuss about it.”

“The Followers, though. Do you know anymore about them?”

“No, not really. Just that Catherine attended their university and graduated with a specialty in biomolecular hydrodynamics, so she was uniquely suited to Project Purity.” She shook her head, “We were lost after she died. She’d left behind notes and things, of course, but no one else came close to matching her expertise. Then the Brotherhood started to drift away. The mutants kept attacking. Your father took you and left and that was it. I came here and… well, you know the rest.”

“Right.”

“Are you going to try to find the Followers?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“I would if I were you. I mean, the project’s finished and it’s not like the Brotherhood’s ever going to give it up. There’s just nothing more to be done there. I’ve been thinking about leaving myself.”

“You have?”

“M’hmm.”

“Where will you go?”

“I’m not sure yet. That’s why I haven’t left.”

“Oh.”

“I like working here, don’t get me wrong, but growing mutation-free vegetables isn’t really a challenge. Also… aside from Lyons and maybe Rothchild, I’m not exactly beloved by the Brotherhood.”

“I don’t understand why they didn’t tell me we’re family.”

“Hmm… well, from what I’ve gathered, the Brotherhood out west is… _ strict _ when it comes to families in their service. It could very well be that so long as Lyons doesn’t formally acknowledge you, you’re allowed to have more freedom. They think of you as a wastelander, right? So you’re free to come and go as you please. If they know you’re the Elder’s niece, you practically become royalty and unfortunately in their culture that can include arranged marriages. I can remember Catherine was always trying to avoid some rather large man in power armor when we first met. Her and James were constantly sneaking off together and he’d get mad about it.” She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, “I can’t remember his name. He died in a super mutant attack. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that was the person she was officially betrothed to or whatever.”

“Wow.”

“M’hmm. Now, is there anything else you needed? I’m a very busy woman.”

“No, that was all. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Abby stood but paused, “Do you really think I’m like my father?”

“You’re absolutely James made over. Why?”

“He always said I reminded him of my mother.”

“Maybe on the outside. Physically, you’re very similar. Same hair and everything. Unfortunately you seemed to have inherited your father’s melanin deficiencies. That’s a shame. Catherine had lovely golden-brown skin. It really brought out her eyes.”

“Oh.”

“But, internally? You’re all James. One hundred percent, so far as I can see. I suppose it can’t be helped since he raised you alone and all.”

She sighed, “Right. Thank you, Doctor Li.”

“You’re welcome, Abigail.”

Abby plodded back up through the ship and took a deep breath to steady herself before entering the marketplace. Christine was the sociable sort, just like Butch. So chances were that they’d already found each other. She stepped through the bulkhead door resolved to be as pleasant as she could possibly be in the face of their newfound happiness.

She wasn’t going to let herself wind up bitter and cynical like Madison. If she really was like her father, then surely she had his inner fortitude and the grace to handle a situation like this with composure and confidence. He was always unflappably mature, so she could be, too.

Unfortunately, when she stood on the upper walkway and finally caught a glimpse of them sharing food at the Galley, she realized that while she probably had the capacity for all that, she certainly didn’t have the ability. Not now. Not staring at Christine being so perfectly pretty even in her dirty work clothes and watching Butch chuckle at whatever she’d just said. They looked lovely together. Happy and sparkling.

Abby soaked in the scene before her until she couldn’t stand it and turned away from their joyful reunion. Heading straight out into the wasteland without a word to anyone. She left Rivet City more resolved than ever to let the feeling burning inside her die out. She would do the right thing here, regardless of the consequences to herself. No matter what. Just like she’d always done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from this Longfellow quote: "Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."
> 
> Does the author have a crush on Christine???
> 
> Mebbe. LOL
> 
> (Also, if anyone was wondering, Harkness won't refer to Abby as a doctor because he believes she's too nice to be one. He kinda hates that word at this point. LOL)


	19. A heart whose love is innocent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reader of this story is having a bad time of things, so I'm dropping this chapter early as a sort of holiday present to bring some cheer. ❤ I hope no one minds.

Abby sat on the roof of the Citadel, hugging her knees and staring blankly into the flames of her campfire.

Elder Lyons had been zero help. Just smiled that vague smile of his and kept calling her Marie. Sarah had told her she remembered her mother but that her father had said to not mention it to her for unknown reasons. She hadn’t known they were cousins either, though she did confirm de la Cruz had been her mother’s maiden name as well.

There was, however, a file for Scribe Catherine de la Cruz. So now she knew her mother had been born in that Boneyard place out in the New California Republic. A city once known as Los Angeles. Everything Doctor Li had said was accurate, right up to her mother’s special status as the Elder’s sister-in-law and her official betrothal to a man called Knight Torres.

Nothing was written about the Followers though aside from her mother and Sarah’s mother both attending their university. She could ask around, of course, but given that Doctor Li had said the Brotherhood of Steel were on the outs with every other major power in the NCR, she probably wasn’t going to get unbiased answers from anyone. All she could do now was get back home and try to get through the second half of that journal. She was already up to them entering the vault, but hopefully her father had reminisced a little. As intrigued as she was about the Followers, she couldn’t very well embark on a cross-country trip with the scant details she had about them. It would take almost a full year to walk from here to Los Angeles. Even if she brought Charon and Dogmeat, she wasn’t sure it was doable.

The sky had gone from dusk to twilight to night while she kept her eyes on the fire. Thunder rumbled in the distance but hopefully it would hold off. She couldn’t take being around a bunch of people and she couldn’t take being in that little room she and Butch had shared. This was the best compromise she could come up with that didn’t involve more people noticing he wasn’t with her and asking about it.

She sighed and buried her head in her arms. This was stupid. Leaving Rivet City without saying anything had been _stupid._ A grownup would have kept a smile on their face and marched right on down there. Offered congratulations and bought them a round of whatever they wanted. Not run away like some coward. If he’d thought to mention she was there with him, then she’d probably embarrassed him in front of Christine by taking off. What on earth would he think of her now?

And why did it still matter so much?

A few large drops of rain splattered on the roof. Maybe they were just catching the edge of the storm? Hopefully. She’d barely even formed the thought when the skies opened and the rain poured down in waves, completely soaking her through and extinguishing her campfire.

Abby ran inside and shook her hair out. Well, she couldn’t very well sleep in that. The rads alone would have her glowing by sunrise. It was the barracks or that private room now. No other choices.

She decided to go with the lesser of two evils.

The room was exactly the same as they’d left it. While the memories inside were potent and awful, at least she could be alone here. She peeled out of her wet things and got into her regular pjs.

The bed felt too big without Butch in it. Which was absurd. It wasn’t like it was some king sized monstrosity. It was barely a full. Her own bed at home was bigger. Abby scowled in the darkness and purposefully stretched out until her body took up the whole mattress. There. Now maybe her stupid heart would shut up about it already.

She wondered if Butch and Christine would end up living in Rivet City or Megaton. Her job was there but he’d just gotten that little house. It’s not like there was any shortage of maintenance to be done in town. Goodness knew Walter could use the extra help. Just keeping the water plant running took nearly all his time and patience.

That would be… fine, right? Them living right down the street. Nice, even, to be able to see them whenever she was in town. Everyone would just love Christine. She really was a sweetheart so long as there was no negative influence around. Abby could see her getting on swimmingly with Lucy West or Jenny. And, in a few years time, there were bound to be more than a few little raven-haired darlings to dote on. If that were the case, she was pretty sure she could convince Sheriff Simms to let her set up a school. Joseph in Lamplight would be more than old enough to run it by then.

Tears slipped down into her hair and she squeezed her eyes shut against them. These were good things to have happen. Nice things. They shouldn’t be upsetting to think about.

The door slammed open suddenly with enough force to rattle some plaster free from the walls. Abby shrieked at the violent intrusion and curled herself into a tight ball since she was unarmed and defenseless. When no hard blows landed on her, she cautiously lifted her head and squinted in the dim light from the hallway.

Butch glared back at her, soaking wet and panting. Hair completely plastered to his head. His shirt held enough water that small droplets were launched from it and hit her as he twisted to slam the door shut behind him.

_“The fuck is your problem?!”_

He was yelling. She hated the yelling. “Wha… what?”

“You said it was _my_ choice if I stayed in Rivet City or not! You didn’t say _shit_ about ditchin’ me there!”

Abby pushed herself upright but stayed as tightly curled up as she possibly could. “I didn’t mean to ditch you.”

“The hell you didn’t!”

“I just… I thought --”

“Yeah, I think we could _all_ do with a little less of _that,_ thank you very much! Every time you think about somethin’ here lately, you turn into a friggin’ idiot! I’m kinda amazed you know your ass from your elbow at this point!”

“You were with Christine. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“Why the fuck would I care if you… we were just havin’ _lunch!_ Shit!”

“Please stop yelling.” She covered her ears with her hands and balled herself up a little tighter. She’d figured he’d be a little put out, but she’d never thought he’d be this angry with her.

“You --” He caught himself, took a deep breath, and tried again at an almost normal volume. “You scared me. I didn’t know where you’d gone or if somethin’ had happened to you when I wasn’t lookin’ and it _scared_ me.”

Abby cautiously lowered her hands and was grateful for the inky darkness. There was no way she could face him right now. “I’m sorry.”

The chair creaked as he sat down, “I’m friggin’ soaked over here. Had to talk to like twenty different people before I figured out you’d just left. It was pourin’ like out of a goddamn bucket by the time I split. And that Doctor Li chick? _Wow._ What a bitch, am I right? Jesus. I dunno who pissed in her Sugar Bombs but I’m gonna pray for ‘em.”

She listened to the thump of his boots on the floor as he took them off and wasn’t quite sure what to say other than she agreed with his assessment of Madison. “She can be a bit… acerbic.”

“That a fancy word for bitch?”

“Yes.”

“Then _hell yeah_ she’s _acerbic.”_ More wet slapping sounds came from his general direction, “She was all ‘A word of caution, young man, a lifetime spent chasing a Lane is a lifetime wasted.’ Stupid cow.”

“Um… she uh… Daddy once mentioned she might have had a crush on him at one point.”

“Ya-huh. That sounds about right.”

She heard him get up and swallowed thickly, “Y-you could have stayed, you know. In Rivet City.”

“Why would I wanna stay there by myself?”

“I thought… I mean, isn’t Christine your --”

“No. She isn’t.”

“Oh.” The mattress suddenly dipped under her and she had to scramble to stay upright. “Butch?”

“She told me that you heard all about the big fight Susie and I had.”

“Um… we… we ran into each other in --” She stuttered to a stop for a moment when his hand slid into her hair. “ -- in Underworld?”

“M’hmm. I know. And she told you right to your face that you were the girl, didn’t she?”

“I… well, yes, she did, but you know Christine. She can be very silly and I know… _I_ know you didn’t mean it. It was very clever of you to use my name to keep Susie from attacking whomever it really was. I was already gone and safe so it --”

He sighed, “Right. I was being clever. ‘Cause that sounds like me.”

“What?”

His forehead rested against her own and he whispered, “Don’t run away from me again, alright? Please? You are so small and the world is so big and if I couldn’t find you, I dunno what I’d do.”

“Okay.”

“I know I sound like a hypocrite right now after walkin’ out on you yesterday, but I’ve learned my lesson, alright? I promise. I won’t walk out on you again and you don’t walk out on me, either. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good.” He moved away and she was kind of shocked at how much she missed the warmth he’d brought.

“What are you --”

“I’m takin’ the pillow.”

“What?”

“Gonna sleep on the floor.”

“No, you don’t --”

“Had to take my jeans off, too. I doubt you want me cuddlin’ up to you in nothin’ but my underwear.”

Actually, she kind of did, but that just proved she absolutely shouldn’t argue with him on this. “Okay.” Abby listened to the sounds of him getting comfortable on the floor and laid back down, close to the edge. She still couldn’t see him or anything, but it was nice knowing he was close. “Was everyone surprised to see you? In the vault, I mean.”

“Heh. Surprised might be an understatement.”

“Did you see your parents?”

“Sorta. Al made himself scarce. Probably afraid I’d punch his lights out. Ma was already four sheets to the wind when I got there. _Before_ noon. Passed out cold on the couch. I tried to wake her to say goodbye but it wasn’t happenin’. Amata says she’s like that most of the time nowadays.”

“O-oh. You… you saw Amata?”

“Yeah. She wanted me to tell you she’s sorry. She said she knows now that she made the wrong choice, but she couldn’t undo it.” He let out a derisive snort. “Which is a lie. She’s the overseer now. She could, but she won’t. It’s the Mack family vault now, and they can have it.”

“Oh, I didn’t even… did Susie --”

“Yeah. I put her in her place pretty good though. No love lost there, y’know? So fuck it. Did I tell you I brought Mac with me?”

“Wha… no! You took RJ?”

“Yup. Kinda had to. I needed somebody to be the distraction and run interference if necessary. He had a great time. Got a bunch of cute whatnots for Lucy. Candy for everybody. That kinda thing.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet of him.”

“Yeah, he said he made nice with Old Lady Palmer. That she talked a lot about you once she realized who he was. Said she misses you and was worried about you.”

She sighed, “I miss her, too.”

“So… you find out anything good from Doctor Ass-Face or was that a bust?”

“Hmm. My mother was from California.”

“Oh, no shit? God, that is so cool.”

“Los Angeles… they call it the Boneyard now.”

“Wow. So how’d she get out here? Covered wagon? Heh.”

“The Brotherhood brought her. She was a scribe.”

“Your ma was Brotherhood?!”

“I think it was more a courtesy title. See, she grew up with this group called the Followers of the Apocalypse. Madison said they’re a community of pacifists who teach people and offer free medical services.”

“Hey, that sounds like somethin’ right up your alley.”

“Her sister married into the Brotherhood and had to leave the family behind. She was Sarah’s mother.”

“Whoa, Mrs. Lyons?!”

“Yes. After she died, my mother came to help take care of Sarah and ended up here. Then she started the project and it attracted a bunch of scientists, including Daddy and Madison. Then the rest was history.”

“Right… hmm, then I guess you’re kind of a legacy around here, huh?”

“Well, no. For some reason, Elder Lyons told Sarah to not tell me or anybody else that we were related. I tried to ask him why but he’s too far gone to give any kind of sensible answer. Sarah doesn’t know anything. Madison said it might have something to do with the Brotherhood’s tendency to arrange marriages. They tried to arrange one for my mother because she was the Elder’s sister-in-law. She thinks maybe he was trying to protect me from all that nonsense.”

“Hmm. That does kinda sound like somethin’ a good uncle would do.”

“I know. He’s always been very kind to me and he was fairly protective before his mind started to slip. Rothchild was kind of aggressive about wanting to recruit me, but the elder told him it had to be my choice and that he should back off.”

“M’hmm. He _was_ protectin’ you. I’d bet a million caps on it.”

“Also, I looked up my mother’s file. She’s still listed under her maiden name. My file has her listed under her married name. I think he was deliberately fudging things to keep the connection a secret.”

“Huh. What was her maiden name?”

“De la Cruz.”

“Hey, that’s Spanish!”

“It’s probably very common in California.”

“True… you don’t really look Spanish. I always kinda thought you were Irish-ish.”

She laughed, “And how many Spanish people do you know?”

“Carmen Miranda.”

“She was Portuguese.”

“Rita Moreno.”

 _“Famously_ from Puerto Rico.”

“Shit. Hmm… okay, okay! Dolores del Rio! She’s gotta be Spanish!”

“Mexican.”

“Goddammit.” He pretended to huff but was smiling at her quiet giggling. Maybe this little bump in the road had been just what they needed to get back to normal. “So what do we do now?”

“I need to read the rest of Daddy’s journal and see if he talks anymore about the Followers.”

“Right.”

“Madison thinks I should go out there.”

“Out where?”

“California.”

He whistled, “That’s a hell of a walk.”

“Three thousand miles.”

“Jesus.”

“It would take almost a year.”

“Yeah, plus there’s a bunch of mountains and the Mississippi river and the plains and at least one desert you gotta cross. That’d be one hell of a perilous kinda journey.”

“I know.”

“You think it’d be worth it?”

“I dunno.” She sighed, “Madison was right that there isn’t much left to do here. The Brotherhood have the purifier and, honestly, I don’t know enough about it to really be useful even if something goes wrong. My mother was some hydrodynamic scientist, I guess? I’m just a physician, like Daddy. I’m not really… I mean, even Madison knows more about it all than I do. And I like the Brotherhood and I’m grateful for all they’ve done but I don’t really fit in here, you know?”

“I think you fit better than you think.”

“Well… even if that’s true, how long until someone finally makes the connection, right? What if Elder Lyons dies and the truth comes out and, I dunno, the council of Elders send word that I’m supposed to be married to somebody?”

“Would you have to be?”

“I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure how any of that really works. But, I doubt Elder Lyons would have gone to all the trouble to hide it unless it was a big deal, right? I mean, he never even told me he was my uncle, and he’s a very forthright man. It must have killed him to not be able to say anything.”

“Yeah.”

“So, statistically, the longer I stick around here, the higher my chances of being discovered go.”

“Right.”

“I can’t go to Boston. Daddy specifically said I should avoid the Institute at all costs. He even warned Madison to not tell me anything about them because they’d… well, the way she said it, they’d basically feel like they owned me just because I’m Daddy’s daughter.”

“Gross.”

“And he went to so much trouble to get away from them in the first place, so they must have been awful! The whole first half of his journal is just page after page of rants about them and how unreasonable they all are and how much he hated it there. It reads like the vault, but so much worse.”

“Worse how?”

“If you dissented enough and caused enough trouble, they would drag you in front of this big tribunal thing. Strip you of your rights and offer you exile or you could agree to serve out a term as a test subject in one of their experiments.”

“Holy shit.”

“No one ever chose exile because everyone knew it was a lie. What would really happen is they’d send you off and then send an android squad to go kill you.”

“They sound like mad scientists.”

“I’m pretty sure they are. They come off a lot like Doctor Braun, only he actually embraces his sadistic streak. He doesn’t try to hide it like they do.”

“Well, then you definitely ain’t goin’ to Boston.”

“Right.”

“Kinda looks like it’s California or bust, kiddo.”

“Maybe.”

“Hmm… I’m gonna have to find at least four new pairs of boots.”

“What?”

“I can’t see ‘em lastin’ the whole way out there. That’s a lotta steps, y’know?” He tsked, “Dammit. Wish I’d known before I went to the vault. I woulda grabbed some. Ah, well. That ship has sailed _and_ sank. I bet somewhere around here, there’s a big ol’ crate full up of combat boots. I’ll find some.”

“Y-you want to come with me? If I go?”

“Hell yeah, I do! We already talked about this, remember?”

“But --”

“Maybe we could even start a whole new branch of them Followers or whatever, right? Combine it with the Tunnel Snakes somehow. Hmm… maybe Followers of the Snakes? Or, oh! Snakes of the Apocalypse! That sounds badass. Pacifists or not, assholes would think twice about messin’ with a group like that.”

“You can’t come with me.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because you… you have your person! I know you said it wasn’t going to work out there, but you can’t just give up!”

He sighed, “Abby.”

“No! That would… that…” She sneezed and clapped her hand over her mouth.

Butch snorted at the funny squeak she’d made. “God, you still sneeze so fuckin’ weird.”

“I do n… do no…” Another sneeze got her and she scowled to herself.

“Hey, you didn’t catch a cold in the rain, did you?”

“Don’t be daft! That’s not… not how…” Another sneeze hit her and she huffed. “That’s not how colds work!”

“Ya-huh.”

She heard him moving around and tilted her head, “What are you doing?”

“Lookin’ for a handkerchief.”

“Oh, that’s so --” His hand smacked her in the face and she sputtered. “Nice?”

“Shit, sorry. I can’t see anything.”

“My PipBoy’s on the table, if you --”

“Yeah, sure. I got it.”

Abby blinked when the low green light snapped on and her whole face suddenly felt like it was on fire when she realized she was less than a handspan from his boxers. She jerked back and nervously glanced up when he waved the bandana at her.

“Oh. Thank you.”

“M’hmm.” He watched her blow her nose and set his hand on her forehead, “You feel hot.”

She smacked it away, “I do not.” Or if she did, it certainly wasn’t for the reasons he thought it was.

“You get caught in the rain, too?”

“Well, I was already here when --”

“Cause your hair’s wet.”

“Oh. I… I might have been on the roof when it started.”

“M’hmm.” He folded his arms and frowned down at her, “I think you’re gettin’ a cold.”

“Colds do not happen just because you’re cold and wet! That’s just an old wives tale!”

“You’re cold?”

Dammit. “No! Of course not!” She finally got irritated enough to glare back up at him, “Stop looking at me like that! Don’t you dare try to pull that daddy thing with me!”

His eyebrow quirked up, “What daddy thing?”

“You know very well what --”

“If I’m remindin’ you of your pops right now, doesn’t that mean I’m right?”

“It… it does not!”

“I’m pretty sure it does.”

“I am not… not…” She sneezed and her whole body curled up reflexively. “I am not sick!”

“Then you’re allergic to somethin’.”

“There’s nothing in here that I am allergic to.”

“Then you’re clearly sick. Or you’re tryin’ to get sick.” He tapped his foot and narrowed his eyes at her, “You are cold, aren’t you?”

“I am not!”

Butch smirked, “You know you can’t lie to Daddy, right? Not with that little kitten face. I can always tell.”

“You aren’t my daddy!”

“Says you.”

“Yes, says I!” She glared at him while he turned away and started rummaging in the nearby locker. “What are you doing?”

“Lookin’ for a blanket. I swear I saw one in here last time.”

“Oh...oh, well, that’s…” Abby felt a little mollified but couldn’t get the grumpy expression off her face entirely. She hated it when he started up with the daddy stuff. As if she didn’t already have enough confusing thoughts about him. There didn’t need to be a whole bizarre pseudo Electra complex layered overtop of everything else.

“Here we go.” He pulled out a dark blanket and fluffed it. “I'm betting this is navy blue. Do they know any other color?”

“Black and maroon.”

“Puh.” He brought it over and smiled at her, “Okay, roll over. I’ll get you all tucked in.”

She narrowed her eyes at him but couldn’t really find a reason to not go along with it. “Thanks.”

“M’hmm.”

The blanket settled over her and she had to admit, it kind of felt like heaven. She had been feeling a little run down lately. Not to mention all the excessive crying. Maybe she was coming down with some kind of sinusitis. Not that she was ever going to admit it in a million years. Not now. She’d never give him the satisfaction of…

The mattress suddenly dipped behind her and a solid wall of warmth pressed up against her back.

Abby turned her head to confirm what she already knew and stared at him, “What are you doing?”

“Keepin’ my little baby warm like a good daddy should.”

She grit her teeth, “You are not my daddy.”

“You should stop arguing. Save your strength up.” He pulled her into his arms, rolling her until she was completely encased in the blanket with her face smooshed against his chest. “There you go. Snug as a bug in a rug.”

“You… you tricked me!”

“I dunno what you mean.”

“I thought you were just giving me the blanket!”

“I did give you the blanket.”

“I didn’t know you were going to burrito me!”

“Best way to keep you warm.” He ruffled her hair with his hand and chuckled, “Well… second best way.”

“This is ridiculous. I am not a baby. I do not need to be swaddled!”

“Hmm, so you wanna try this the other way? That what you’re sayin’?”

“What?”

“I mean, that seems a little fast for you, but far be it from me to deny someone when they’re sick.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“You wantin’ to make out.”

“I do not!” Abby wiggled fiercely but there was no escaping her woolen prison.

“You get kinda frisky when you don’t feel good, huh?” He laughed when angry grumbling was her only reply. “Alright, alright, settle down. I’m just messin’ with ya.”

She huffed and mumbled against him, “You’re always just messing with me.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He squeezed her tighter for a moment, “Hey, I really missed you. Last night, I mean. That probably sounds dumb, but I did.”

“Oh.”

“It’s kinda… quiet in my house, y’know? I didn’t really think it’d be so bad cause you’re usually pretty quiet and all, but… I dunno. It just felt different.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah. Don’t be. I think you were right… about me havin’ my own space and all. Probably good in the long term.”

“Oh.”

“Just sucks gettin’ used to it. Plus, I felt kinda weird knockin’ on your door this mornin’.”

“You don’t have to knock. You still have a key and… I’ll tell Wadsworth.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“And, you know, you don’t actually need a reason to come over. You can stop by whenever. Even if you just want to, I… I wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah?”

“M’hmm.”

“Okay… you should come by and see my place. It’s kinda plain right now but --”

“I’d love to. I’ll bring you a proper housewarming present.”

“Aw, you don’t have to do somethin’ like that.”

“No, I want to.” She sighed and closed her eyes, “I missed you, too.”

“You did?”

“M’hmm.”

“M’hmm… you warm?”

“Hmm.”

“You asleep?” Butch waited and counted to sixty in his head, but there was no answer save her steady, slow breathing. “Yeah, you’re asleep.” He kissed the top of her head, “Good night, sweetheart.”

She sighed and wiggled a little closer, breathing out a nearly unintelligible mumble against his chest, “Love you.”

He smiled even as tears came to his eyes and whispered back, “Love you, too.”

Yup, he’d definitely fucked up here. About twenty minutes into Christine’s babbling about the inner workings of the aircraft carrier, he realized Abby must have put two and two together and got five. Christine totally fit the profile of his imaginary love interest. That must have been what had her so tweaked as they’d walked to Rivet City in the first place. The second he said his girl wasn’t in the vault, meaning _her,_ she’d taken Christine’s presence in the wasteland as irrefutable proof that _she_ was the one.

So of course she bolted on him seein’ them together. Of course she had. Abby was tryin’ her damnedest to be a good friend here. She wouldn’t have wanted to get in the way or make a scene. And Christine was always the affectionate type. Always touchin’ people or playin’ with your hair or stealing your goddamn food. God only knew what Abby had thought she’d seen. Christine had even practically sat in his lap for a minute there while Angela took their picture for some collage thing she was putting up in her room.

He felt awful. Even worse than before. He’d legitimately been terrified that Abby had run away for real. Nobody knew the wastes like she did. If she wanted to disappear, she could and then that’d be it. He’d be stuck camping out somewhere waiting for her to magically reappear again.

This was all his fault and he had to come up with some way to make it right. Preferably a way that wouldn’t get her super pissed at him. She was so focused on figuring out her roots right now though. He didn’t want to meddle or distract her from all that.

He’d just focus on being supportive and helpful for now. Having his own place to retreat to would probably help there. Less opportunity for him to make an ass outta himself. Again. Anyway, if he was being completely honest with himself here, playing house with her was making him sloppy. There had been more than a few mornings where he’d woken up to see her dutifully brushing her teeth at the bathroom sink and he’d gotten more than halfway over there, all ready to rub up on her and distract her in all the best possible ways, when his brain would finally snap all the way awake and remind him they weren’t there yet.

More than a couple of times he’d almost kissed her when she came to say goodnight. Almost wrapped his arms around her when she’d lean over him to grab something. Nearly gotten caught he didn’t even _know_ how many times scoping out her ass when she bent over.

It was just… safer this way. Definitely. Pain in the ass, yes, and he was gonna miss his eye candy for sure, but definitely safer.

Of course, that didn’t mean he wasn’t still going to sneak little stolen moments. Like this one. He was pretty proud of himself for thinking to bundle her up like this. Meant he didn’t actually have to put his wet jeans back on to be in bed with her. There were at least two layers of heavy fabric between them. She was totally safe from his baser nocturnal instincts this way. Even if his hands wandered, there wasn’t anything fun to wander over.

It was like a chastity blanket. Or somethin’. He was pretty sure people from the real, _real_ old days had done something like this. Somethin’ about sewing the guy up in a sheet or whatever so he couldn’t try to bone his girl in the family bed?

Pilgrims, man. Straight up freaks.

* * *

The rain had passed by the next morning. He teased her a little about how rosy-cheeked she looked, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t from any kind of cold. The way she kept peeking at him when she thought he wasn’t looking was too cute for words. They were right back to where they’d been before he bungled everything.

Aside from the living situation, anyway.

Not that it seemed to matter much. He somehow still found himself camped out on her couch reading _Naked Lunch_ while she curled up in a nearby chair. Reading glasses perched on her nose while she whipped through her father’s journal.

“Oh, here’s a funny one.”

He set his book down on his chest and gave her his full attention. “Shoot.”

She cleared her throat, _“February fourteenth, 2272. Abigail came home today practically incandescent with rage. It seems the DeLoria boy was once again giving her a hard time. Something about ruining her home ec project, though, knowing her cooking skills, I strongly suspect it was already a lost cause before he ever got involved.”_ She tsked, “Gee, thanks, Daddy.”

Butch snorted, “Hey, I remember that. You made that lumpy thing and then had the balls to actually call it a cake. Ha.”

“Oh, shut up!” She stuck her tongue out at him and continued on, _“I told her it was the thought that counted and we went out for ice cream. I worry though. Should a girl of thirteen still only have her father for a sweetheart? Every day I expect her to come home and tell me Butch has asked her out. It’s only a matter of time. He clearly has a crush on her and always has. I wish Catherine were here now more than ever. Navigating the waters of childhood was easy enough, but puberty? I’m not so sure.”_

His face felt warm and he retreated behind his book, “Your dad, huh? He’s so… silly.”

“Isn’t he though? _Silly_ Daddy. Just a few pages ago he was talking about Wally making eyes at me. I think he thought everybody did at some point.”

“Well, in the man’s defense, you were his little princess and he loved you more than anything, so of course he just assumed everyone else did, too.”

“I guess.” Her eyes scanned the next page as she sipped her tea. “Oh, that’s kinda interesting.”

“What?”

 _“February twenty-sixth, 2272. The DeLoria boy was in the clinic again today. Contusions to his knuckles and a split lip. He never says where these scrapes come from and I've given up on asking. I understand his anger but I wish he’d find a better way to express it. Abigail came by while Jonas was finishing his appointment and he perked up quite a little bit. Lots of posturing. It was very amusing. I suppose I made a fool over myself when I was around Catherine though. I ran Abigail’s name in the system after they’d both gone. It’s probably silly but given her ‘master plan’, I felt curious as to who my future grandchildren’s father was going to be. Imagine my surprise when Butch’s name popped up. She’ll be fit to be tied when she finds out, but I’m certainly not going to be the one to tell her. Even I’m not that daft._ Well. How about that. Seems the computer matched us after all.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.”

He didn’t bother hiding his grin, knowing she’d take it as simple teasing. “So we’re back on for makin’ babies then?”

Abby rolled her eyes, “Oh, yes. I’ll be sure to pencil you in. Half-past the first of never.”

“Ha. I’ll start workin’ on some names.”

“Who says you’d get to name them! I’d be the one doing all the work!”

He raised an eyebrow at her, “Oh, yeah? You like a little girl on top action there, huh?”

Her whole face went pink and she scowled at him, “I meant carrying and birthing the baby.”

“M’hmm.”

“If I have to do everything, it’s only fair that I get to name them!”

“How about you name the boys and I’ll name the girls.”

“Why would --”

“‘Cause I already have a name for a little girl _so perfect_ even you won’t be able to argue against it.”

She narrowed her eyes and an exasperated huff left her, “This is silly. These children are never going to exist. I refuse to argue with you about them.”

“Alright. Whatever you say.”

Abby tried to go back to her reading but found that she couldn’t. She snapped the journal shut and huffed again, “Alright, fine. Let’s hear it. Let’s hear this singularly perfect name of yours.”

Butch smiled, “Estelle.”

“Estelle?”

“Means ‘star’.”

“I know what it means!”

“That way, I’d look at her and always remember the night we spent renaming the constellations.”

“Oh.”

“Call her Elle for short.”

“That’s… that’s actually kinda…”

“Hmm?”

Her face felt like it was absolutely on fire and she busied herself with cleaning her glasses so she didn’t have to look directly at him. “It’s an okay name. I guess.”

He went back to his own reading, “M’hmm.”

She couldn’t help herself. It was like some kind of God awful compulsion. “Did you have a middle name to go with it?”

“Lucia.”

“Lucia?”

“Yeah. You know that’s Baby-Doc’s real name? I thought it might be Lucille but Mac corrected me real quick. Old Lady Palmer told him it means ‘light’.”

“St. Lucia is supposed to be the bearer of light in winter.”

“There you go.”

“I didn’t know that was Lucy’s real name.”

“Yup.”

“Estelle Lucia DeLoria.”

Butch peeked around the edge of his book and could have drown in the soft, wistful look on her face. “Yeah.”

 _“Starlight._ That’s a beautiful name.”

“Thanks.”

“If I had to name a boy, I’d probably go with Michael. Michael James.”

He frowned, “Why Michael?”

“Because that’s…” Her head tilted, “Butch, that’s your name.”

“What?!” He sat up and stared at her, waiting for the punchline but no. She definitely wasn’t jokin’ around here.

“Michael Allen DeLoria. That’s… that was the name on your file.”

“Michael?!”

“Did no one ever tell you that?”

“No!”

“Oh.”

“Where the hell did everybody get Butch from?!”

“It’s meant to signify that you’re a junior.”

“Junior?!”

“Yes.”

“My name is basically _Junior?!”_

“No, it’s Michael.”

“God… what the fuck?! Is there anything else I dunno about me that you might?”

“Um… I don’t think --”

“Any tails that they cut off at birth or did I have a twin I ate in the womb or whatever?!”

“No, not to my knowledge.”

“Jesus.”

Abby chewed on her lip in an effort not to laugh as he muttered disgruntledly and settled back down on the couch. It wasn’t funny. It really wasn’t. It was just completely bizarre that no one had ever once apparently called him by his given name ever in his life.

“I don’t even know what the fuck that one means. Shit.”

“Who is like God.”

“Huh?”

“The name Michael means ‘Who is like God’.”

“How the fuck do you know that?”

Her eyes went wide as she considered his question. The truth was extremely implicating but she couldn’t think of a plausible lie. She dropped her gaze and pretended to have just a terrible time finding her place in the journal. “Uh… I… I might have looked it up after the computer matched us that… you know, that one time.”

A slow smile spread on his face and he suddenly felt very smug for some reason. “Who is like God. I like that… little Mikey. That’s cute.”

“M’hmm.”

Butch watched the way she fidgeted in her chair. Trying to achieve the perfect angle so her blushy face would be totally hidden from view without trying to be obvious, and of course, being completely obvious about it since it was her. He chuckled and went back to his own reading.

“That’s real cute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron
> 
> "And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,  
> So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,  
> The smiles that win, the tints that glow,  
> But tell of days in goodness spent,  
> A mind at peace with all below,  
> A heart whose love is innocent!"
> 
> Also I just made up Butch's name. Canonically, he's just Butch, but IRL Butch *does* mean Junior, so... he *should* have a proper name.
> 
> Happy holidays to everybody who celebrates them! & Happy end of this goddamn year to everyone who doesn't. LOL


	20. Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.

Abby sighed and chewed on her ballpoint. “I can’t believe all I have on the Followers is barely a page and a half!”

Butch leaned over her shoulder and scanned her notes, “Well… you do kinda write small.”

She dropped the pen and set her forehead in her hands. “I can’t go to California on a page and a half.”

“Why not?”

“What if I get there and they find out that I’m Brotherhood and the daughter of a deserter and don’t even want me around?”

“Your dad said they were supposed to be understanding.”

“Do his impressions of them even count though? He grew up in the Institute. _Anybody_ probably would have seemed warm after that.”

“You said Doctor Li told you your mom was super nice, right?”

“Right.”

“I doubt she woulda been if the Followers were all dicks.”

“Then by that logic, the Institute is full of wonderful, thoughtful people.”

“Mmm. That’s true.”

“You can’t always tell what type of place a person came from. I mean… look at you.”

“What about me?” He flopped into the chair next to Lucy’s desk and pillowed his head on his arms. Damn kids had him exhausted after a day and a half of fixin’ up the place.

“Well, your parents are absolutely awful and you’re…”

He glanced over and quickly hid a grin at her pink face, pretending instead to yawn and feign disinterest. “I’m what?”

“You’re… you’re just… not awful.” She scowled at herself. Best friends were allowed to call each other wonderful, right? That wasn’t a weird thing. She totally could have said that.

“Not awful, huh? That’s high praise comin’ from you.”

Her scowl deepened, “You know what I mean.” She poked him a few times, “You can’t fall asleep here. I have at least two more patients to see if they ever get brave enough to show up.”

“I’m not. I’m just restin’ my eyes.”

Lucy popped her head into the clinic and smiled, “Squirrel’s ready to admit he needs to see you.”

“Oh, fantastic. Send him on in.” Her poking became a little more insistent. “Butch. Come on. You gotta go.”

He groaned, “If you send me back out there, that little jerk’s gonna find somethin’ else for me to do.”

“So? Isn’t that why we’re here?”

Butch sighed and finally gave up trying to get any kind of a respite. “Y’know, even back in the vault, I got weekends off, an hour lunch and _two_ mandated fifteen minute breaks.”

“Hmm. I worked twelve hour days, ate at my desk and had the occasional Sunday off.”

He stared down at her sassy expression and narrowed his eyes, “Why do I feel like you’re callin’ me spoiled?”

“Probably because that’s exactly what I was calling you.”

“Always gotta be so damn bossy.”

Abby sniffed at him, “Always gotta be so damn lazy.”

“Ha.”

“Now get out before you scare off Peter.”

“Who the hell’s Peter?”

“Squirrel.”

“Oh.” He frowned, “How the hell did they go from Peter to Squirrel?”

“He says it’s because he’s smart and inquisitive, like a squirrel.”

Mac snickered from the doorway, “Yeah, and I say it’s ‘cause he’s nuts.”

“RJ, be nice.”

“I’m always nice, babydoll.” He grinned at her, as innocent and sweet as a choir boy, before turning to Butch. “Come on, Grognak. Stop botherin’ the doc. I need you to help me with one of the bridges.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

Abby watched him trudge out after the mayor and tsked to herself. “That boy is getting entirely too big for his britches.”

Lucy came through, tugging a reluctant Squirrel along behind her. “Hmm? Did you say something?”

She huffed, “I said your boyfriend is getting big for his britches.”

“He kind of is, huh?” She made a face, “I don't really know what to do about that.”

“There’s nothing to be done for it. He’s a fourteen year old boy-king with a girlfriend. His ego is growing at a no doubt exponential rate and is nigh unstoppable at this point.”

“Oh.” She fidgeted a bit, “Are you mad at me? Cause I feel like I’m in trouble.”

“No, you aren’t in trouble. You’re the catalyst but you’re not in trouble.” She shut her notebook and smiled at the nervous, sickly boy still standing in Lucy’s shadow. “Now then, Peter. Let’s see what we can do to make you feel a bit better today, hmm?”

Butch studied the anchor for one of the suspension bridges for a minute and finally shook his head. “Nah, see, there’s your problem. They used nails instead of screws. The way you guys pound your feet runnin’ across this thing is makin’ the wood shake and wigglin’ the nails out.”

“So we just need to replace them then?”

“Yeah, but we’ll have to be careful. This shit’s old. It’ll split easy.”

“Okay.”

“Hammer.”

“Yup.” Mac passed it over and watched him carefully pry a nail out of the post. It made a terrible screeching sound and they both winced. “Is it supposed to sound like that?”

“It’s under a lot of pressure is all.”

“Oh.”

“You keep an eye out and make sure nobody tries to cross while we’re doin’ this.”

“I’m on it.” He stood up and folded his arms, doing his best to radiate a ‘get the fuck outta here’ vibe. Less yelling that way. “Hey, can I ask you somethin’?”

He snorted, “You’re always askin’ me somethin’.”

“Abra says that’s how you learn.”

“M’hmm. So ask.”

“Alright, so… Luce and I are, y’know, together now.”

“Yup.”

“And it’s been goin’ great. Better than great, even.” He couldn’t help but space out a bit and chuckled, “Like, _perfect,_ really. I mean --”

“Is this question gonna make me want to slap you in the mouth?”

“Oh, uh… no? Probably not.”

“Then get on with it. Screwdriver.”

“Screwdriver.” He handed him a Phillips head and cleared his throat, “See, the thing is, she really likes to watch movies.”

“Yeah, I think you mentioned that before.”

“Right. Yeah, and… I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like watchin’ ‘em with her. No doubt. Shit, that’s the highlight of my fucking day.”

“Sure.”

“But there always comes a point when we’re… uh…” He felt a little nervous at the territorially protective glare Butch shot him. “We’re still takin’ it slow! I swear!”

“M’hmm.”

“It’s just… she’s uh… cuddly?” He waited for an explosion and sighed in relief when there wasn’t one. “Yeah. That's it. She’s _cuddly._ And there always comes a point where the cuddlin’ is just… it’s too much, man. It’s… and then I gotta tell her that we’ve gotta stop and she gets all, I dunno, fuckin' weird about it and it’s like she thinks I’m tellin’ her that ‘cause I just don’t wanna, uh, cuddle, anymore but it ain’t that! It’s… I just…”

He snorted in amusement and shook his head, “Blue balls.”

“What?”

“You’ve got a case of the blue balls, kid. It’s tragic.”

Mac made a face but couldn’t really argue. “Yeah.”

“Is that your problem?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded, “Okay. Well, I actually can help you there.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup. I’mma let you in a little man-secret.”

“Okay.” He squatted down next to him and lowered his voice. "Shoot.”

“There’s no such thing as blue balls.”

“What?”

Butch paused his repairs and stared him down, “There is  _ no such thing _ as blue balls.”

“Uh…”

“That’s just a bunch of bullshit some asshole invented to make girls feel guilty so they'd go further than they’re ready to go.”

“Oh, I’d… I’d never push her or --”

“Yeah, I know. Which is why we’re havin’ this conversation nice and calm and I’m not holdin’ you by the throat over the Great Chamber, alright?”   


“Alright.”

“See, girls get just as wound up as guys do over…  _ cuddlin’. _ They don’t wanna admit it, but they do. And if they can deal with it, then guys can, too, right?”

“I guess.”

“Sure we can. Girls,  _ most _ girls, are just raised up to think they have to have control over themselves all the damn time. Right? Be respectable and whatever.”

“Right.”

“But guys aren’t ever taught that. You know? A guy bags a girl, and it’s instant glory for him. A girl gets bagged, and everybody expects her to be ashamed of it if she don’t get a ring out of it.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s _bullshit._ You understand? Complete and total bullshit.”

“Okay.”

“It’s very important that you understand this.”

“I understand it. Shit.”

“Back in the vault, I bagged a lotta chicks.” He frowned to himself, “Actually, outside the grandmas and the kids, I bagged everybody save  _ two _ chicks. Amata and Abby.”

“Jesus. You were busy, huh?”

“I told ya, place was fuckin’ borin’ as shit. Now, me tomcattin’ around meant I was the coolest motherfucker in the vault, you dig? I had a rep, sure, but all it did was get me more tail. Even the grannies would just kinda smile and pat me on the head over it. Outside of a few encounters with vengeful husbands, nothin’ bad ever happened to me, is what I’m sayin’.”

“Right.”

“But I dunno how many times I had to go kick some bastard’s ass for runnin’ their mouth on whoever my flavor of the week was. Girls step outta line  _ once _ and there’s all manner of assholes foamin’ at the mouth to call ‘em a slut. I was the sluttiest son of a bitch in the vault but because I was a _guy,_ and supposedly unable to control myself, everybody just thought it was cute.”

“Yeah.”

“Which is  _ bullshit. _ I can control myself just fine, I just didn’t wanna.”

“Well, why would you?”

“Exactly.” He loosened another nail and shook his head, “But there’s consequences for everything you do, kiddo. That shit didn’t really bite me in the ass until I got brave enough to wanna try to go after the only girl I ever actually wanted. Now I’m fightin’ an uphill battle against my own damn rep.”

“Yeah.” He frowned, “I kinda wondered what Abra must have thought about all that stuff when you guys were growing up or whatever.”

“She always thought I was being ridiculous and dramatic. Abby kinda… I dunno. She’d always just roll her eyes and go on about her business. Ignore me a little harder every time she caught me with another girl.”

He sucked in air through his teeth, “Yikes.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re worried now that if you just go after her with a direct approach, she’ll think --”

“She’s gonna think I’m just tryin’ to rack up another notch on my bedpost. That it won’t mean nothin’ from my end.”

“Shit. That sucks, man.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” He shook his head, “The longest it ever took me to talk a girl into sex when it didn't matter was about twenty minutes. Now it actually matters and I'm stuck spinnin' my wheels in neutral. I’ve been tryin’ to find the right angle with Abby for  _ years. _ I ain’t even made a real attempt yet ‘cause I honestly dunno how. I dunno how to make her understand that  _ this _ time, it’s different.”

“Right.”

“Even if I just spell all out, why would she believe me, right? No reason to at all. I’m screwed and I did it all to myself.” He sighed, “What I wouldn’t give to be in your shoes, kiddo. So far, you’ve done everything right and it’s gettin’ you exactly where you wanna be, ain’t it?”

“Well… yeah, I guess. Except for --”

“Except you keep wantin’ to go off like a bottle rocket whenever she gets within ten feet of you, right?”

Mac dropped his head, “Right.”

“Alright. Well, the solution to your problem is a simple one.”

“Okay.”

“And, honestly, I don’t wanna brag or nothin’, but this advice has served me very well over the past ten years. I got it from this old pre-war skin magazine, and usually their so-called advice is all bullshit, but this particular tidbit was legit.”

“Alright, so lay it on me already!”

“You just take care of business yourself.”

“What?”

“When she comes and asks you for a movie date or whatever y’all call it, you tell her that sounds awesome and you can’t wait. Then, about fifteen minutes before, go to the bathroom or whatever, and handle your own shit.” He paused thoughtfully, “You know how to do that, right?”

“I'm _fourteen!_ Yes, I know how to do that! Fuck.”

“Alright, alright. Just checkin’. Anyway, you do that, and the pressure’ll be off. You’ll be fine.”

“But what if it happens during the movie?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Then you just tell her you gotta hit the john.  _ Don’t _ let her pause the movie so she won’t notice how long you take. Handle shit, come back, bam. You’re made in the shade.”

“That seems like really obvious advice.”

“I know, right? You’d think either of us woulda been able to come up with that by ourselves, but nah.”

“I feel kinda dumb right now.”

“Well, it’s easy to be dumb when you’re in love and tryin’ to be a gentleman.”

“Yeah. It really is.”

“M’hmm.” He tightened the last screw and stood up, “Also, side note. Doin’ that is eventually gonna give you crazy stamina.”

“It will?”

“Yup. Just don’t… y’know, choke the chicken  _ too _ hard. I knew this guy in the vault who did that and he ended up havin’ problems keepin’ it up when the time came because the real thing don’t feel like your hand. Fuckin’ idiot.”

Mac stared up at him with a look of amused horror on his face, “Damn. That's a thing that can happen? Seriously?”

“Yup.”

“Is there any way to cure that?”

“Sure. About a month of forced celibacy on all fronts.”

“Shit.”

“Yup. So don’t let it happen to you, alright? Slow and steady wins the race there.”

“Yeah.” He helped him pack up and chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. “Hey, Grognak?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna name you an honorary Lamplighter.”

Butch grinned at him, “Shit, really?”

“Yeah, you’re like… a pretty solid big brother type.” He shrugged, “You’re kinda like Abra, but… different, y’know?”

“Aw, Mac. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you actually liked me.”

“It doesn’t make you any less of a bitch, so don’t go gettin’ all mushy and sentimental on me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of what?”

Butch jumped a little as Abby somehow magicked herself right behind him. “Jesus. You gotta stop sneakin’ up on a guy, sweetheart. Gonna have to bell you like a cat.”

“What are you talking about? I wasn’t trying to sneak. _You're_ the one who's always sneaking up on _me.”_

“Yeah, it ain’t her fault you got rocks in your ears.”

“Thank you, RJ.”

“No problem, gorgeous.”

He rolled his eyes and the urge to cuff him right in the head was almost impossible to resist. He settled for handing him the large toolbox instead and smirking as the kid temporarily crumpled under the weight. “So what’s up? You all done?”

“Uh, well, yes. For now. I got a message from Mr. King in Arefu. He needs me to check out a vault.”

Mac immediately wrinkled his nose, “Oh, God. Not another one. The last one you got sent to was full up of those weird fuckin’ clones or whatever, right?”

“Right. The Garys.”

“Yeah. Shit. Just thinkin’ about that gave me the willies for a month.”

“Hmm. Well, hopefully, this one won’t be quite as bad.”

“Oh, come off it, Abra. They’re all bad and you know it.”

Butch was inclined to agree with him there. “We gotta go into a vault? Which vault?”

“Vault 106. According to the information I downloaded a while ago from Vault-Tec’s headquarters, it was supposed to be some kind of psychological research vault? I’m not sure what they were researching though.”

“Oh, fun. Great. Yeah, that’s great. So why do we gotta go check it out?”

“People are disappearing. A new family moved into Arefu and I guess the husband is a scavver. He said he was headed for the vault and then never returned.”

“So we’re gonna go see if we can get him back?”

She shook her head, “It’s far more likely that we’re just going to go find out what happened to him.”

“What?”

“She means he’s probably already bit it, Grognak.”

“Oh. Well, that sucks. Why not just seal off the damn thing and be done with it then?”

Abby sighed, “Unfortunately, people are so curious about the vaults that they’ll break in no matter what you do. So it’s better to just go and make sure they’re as harmless as we can possibly make them.”

“Alright. Yeah. I get it. I’m in. Hey, Mac, you got a baseball bat I can borrow?”

“Uh, sure. Why?”

“My rifle’s loud as fuck. I’d like to still be able to hear shit by the time we clear this place.”

“Wow, Grognak. That’s really smart comin’ from you.”

He shrugged, “It happens.”

An hour later saw Abby and Butch standing before the massive gear-shaped door of Vault 106. He couldn’t help but hate it on sight. She’d explained to him how fortunate they’d both been to grow up in a control vault and all, so he supposed he should be grateful, but he wasn’t. He just hated everything to do with Vault-Tec at this point. Even Abby’s cute collection of bobbleheads at home sometimes made him want to kick something. He honestly didn’t understand how she was able to still wear her PipBoy all the time. Sure, the thing came in handy every now and then, but having that heavy reminder of their time stuck in that hole on his wrist drove him crazy.

“Okay. So we need to find the Overseer’s office.”

“Yup.”

“Figure out what the experiment was supposed to be.”

“Yup.”

“Turn off whatever equipment is still running and sabotage it so no one else can ever turn it back on.”

“Yup.”

She frowned and looked up at him, “Are you alright?”

“Place is pissin’ me off.”

“Oh.”

He sighed, “So I guess we should get it over with.”

“If you’d prefer to stay out here --”

“There is no way in hell I’m lettin’ you walk in there solo. Come on. Snakes stick together. You know better than that.”

“Yes, I suppose I do.” Abby flipped the safety off her pistol but kept it on her hip. “Just remember, there might be survivors. We should try to help them if we can.”

“Right.”

“Alright, let’s go.” She connected her PipBoy with the door’s controls and pressed the button. Air whooshed past them as the door began to open and she wrinkled her nose. “Does it smell funny to you?”

“Smells like _ass.”_

“Okay then.”

“Sorry. What I meant was, it smells like a _vault.”_

“Oh.”

“I don’t smell anything weird though.”

“That’s odd. Maybe I’m just hungry or something. I thought I smelled raspberries.”

“Raspberries?”

“M’hmm.”

He managed to stop glaring at the slowly rolling door long enough to glance over at her, “You want me to make some more of that mutfruit cobbler? It’s no raspberries, but --”

“That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”

“Yeah. We can have it with some coffee. My place.”

“Okay.” She smiled, “I have your housewarming present all ready to go, too.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“What is it?”

“A surprise.”

“Aw.”

The door finally rested in the open position and she took a deep breath, “Okay. You ready?”

“Yup. Let’s do it to it.”

She cautiously entered and frowned. The raspberry scent was stronger now. “Are you sure you don’t smell anything?”

“Nope.”

“Weird.”

“If you’re really jonesin’ for some sugar, I think I have a lemonhead in my pocket.” He dug one out and handed it over.

“Thanks.” Abby absentmindedly popped it into her mouth but even it’s tart goodness wasn’t potent enough to chase away that lingering smell. “Alright, let’s see if the security terminals reveal anything.”

“Yeah, cause there were definitely a few altercations.”

He took in the chaotic mess around them and frowned at the multiple dents and dried splatters of something bad along the walls. Whatever had happened here, none of it had been good, that was for damn sure. Butch followed her into a standard security office and checked the place over. It hadn't fared much better than the entrance. Two of the terminals had been trashed. Filing cabinets knocked over. Paper and shit everywhere. Place looked rough. He stepped inside and poked around a bit. Just some light scavving for cigarettes or whatever while he waited for her to start typing away. When the usual clicking didn't start, he turned around to find she was still just standing in the doorway. Staring down the hall and spacing out in a thoughtful sorta way like she sometimes did.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

He didn’t like how floaty she sounded. Probably some kind of trauma response thing from being forced back into a vault. As calm as she was under pressure out in the wastes, being in one of these concrete coffins was a whole different ball of wax.

“You uh… you want me to check the --”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay.” He punched a few keys and tapped his fingers while it loaded. “Hey, it still works. Looks like there’s just one entry unscrambled though.” Butch squinted at the words and read them out loud.  _ “We are unsure of the full effects of the gas release so we request that anyone receiving this message head to their designated locations as noted in your C11 Form. The assigned locations were chosen for the cover and safety they provide so do not vacate them unless dire circumstances arise. Remember to handle anyone acting abnormally according to the guidelines provided and most importantly: Immediately call for medical assistance. We thank you for your assistance during this brief test and assure you that the control is non-lethal and will be cleared from the air before 16:00. The Overseer.”  _ He snorted, “Well, there’s a load of horseshit if I’ve ever heard it. Right, Abby?”

She didn’t answer. Just kept staring out the door. A little warning bell started to go off in his head and he eased closer to her.

“Abby?”

Her head tilted a little and even though she wasn’t looking right at him, her eyes looked especially dark for her. “Daddy?”

“What?”

She sprinted off and he scrambled to follow. Yelling her name despite all her earlier warnings to be quiet and careful. Certainly she'd thrown caution to the wind with the way she was tearin’ ass down the hall.

“Abby! Stop!” She whipped around a corner and he about had a heart attack when he did the same and realized she’d vanished. “Shit! Shit shit shit.” That fucking terminal. Some kinda gas and weird smells and she’d kept asking about raspberries. She was more than a foot shorter than him so it must be something heavier than the air. Whatever the hell this place had unleashed upon its residents, she’d been breathing it in since the damn door opened. He tapped his foot as he debated with himself and finally squatted down, sniffing the air and immediately jerking back up. “Fucking  _ raspberries.” _

Alright. Well, his girl was now high as a kite, apparently. Doing only God knew what and following some hallucination of her pops, maybe? That probably wasn’t going to go well.

Eerie laughter floated towards him from just around the bend. Some dude so it definitely was not Abby. Butch hands tightened around his bat, just in case, as he waited in tense silence.

A man in a tattered 106 jumpsuit stumbled into view and grinned at him. Giggling. Words fell out of his mouth but it was all gobbledygook to Butch’s ears.

“Hey, there, buddy. Uh… I’m from Vault 101, just uh… checkin’ in.” His eyes widened as the man raised a mean looking sword. “Wow, that’s… yeah, that’s somethin’ right there. Fancy. You um… you got a thing for swords? Or maybe pirates or somethin’? That’s… cool.”

Abby had said they had a duty to help any survivors they encountered. The problem was, he wasn’t really sure how to help somebody with drool running down their chin and a homicidal gleam in their eye other than puttin’ ‘em out of their misery. He took a deep breath and readied his bat.

“Come on, man. It don’t have to go down like this. I don't even wanna be here, alright? I just wanna get my girl and go.” The light hit his eyes and Butch realized they weren’t just dilated and crazed, they were downright cloudy. “I’m bettin’ you smell raspberries right now, huh? Probably been smellin’ ‘em your whole life. Just walkin’ around all day with your pointy stick there, thinkin’ the whole world smells that good.”

The man finally charged at him, surprisingly swift and steady on his feet for someone so obviously not in his right mind. Butch caught him in the stomach with his bat and quickly backed out of the way, expecting him to fall to the floor.

He was not expecting the guy to start howling with laughter and come at him again.

“Shit!” Butch swung without thinking and clocked him right in the head. The laughing abruptly stopped and the man dropped like a sack of potatoes onto the floor. Blood oozed from his ear and he was pretty sure he’d killed him if the unsettling way his head was now dented was any indication.

“Sorry, man. You don’t get between a Snake and his chick, alright? Everybody knows that.” He stepped over the body and sighed to himself as the usual guilt over taking a human life settled over him. “I wonder if that ever gets easier. I should ask somebody.”

Not that he had any idea who to ask. Kids out here started killing assholes before most of them could tie their shoes. Mac had once proudly told him his first kill had been a mutant at age nine. He’d gunned down his first human at nine and a half.

He’d probably get laughed right outta Lamplight, _and_ his newly acquired official big brother status, if he asked the kid somethin’ so stupid.

Definitely couldn’t ask Abby. He still wasn’t completely comfortable with how calm and unaffected she seemed by this stuff. Had no clue if she was just pretending or if she really was perfectly fine with the whole idea. He was pretty sure neither option was healthy, exactly. Then again, she already carried so much guilt over shit that wasn’t anywhere near her fault, so what kinda asshole would he be if he tried piling more on top, right?

Maybe Gob. He’d been born before everybody was always tryin’ to stab, shoot or otherwise maim each other. Maybe he still remembered what that transition from civilized to chaotic brutality had felt like.

He finally stood in the Atrium and tried to get his bearings. Abby had said they should head to the Overseer’s office first, but she’d been chasin’ her dearly departed daddy, which could only end up in one place. The clinic. Or whatever this hellhole was passing off as a clinic. Maybe a lab or a science center or somethin’.

Whoever had designed this particular vault hadn’t had the love of symmetry and organic flow that Vault 101’s designer had. He got turned around more often than not. Kept running into more grinning assholes who he put down as quickly and painlessly as he possibly could. He even somehow got lost in the men’s quarters.

“How the hell did I end up here?” Butch glared at the dead end in front of him and turned around. A wave of dizziness washed over him and he barely managed to catch himself on the wall. “Oh, shit. I guess I’m suckin’ in this same crap even if I don’t smell it the whole time. Great. That’s… fucking fantastic right there. That’s what it is.”

A note on the floor caught his eye and he held his breath before picking it up. “What the shit is this?  _ I don’t know what happened, all of a sudden everyone just started acting strange. The Overseer told us to lock ourselves into our room and wait until security gets the riff raff under control so that's what I'm doing. I managed to catch the security chief on his way past and apparently the weirdos are so out of their head they can't read, so if you're not affected say the word 'Fanzini' and I'll let you in.  _ Huh.” Probably a long shot, but it couldn’t hurt, right? He tapped on the door. “Fanzini? Hello? Anybody in there?” There was no answer and he sighed. “‘Course not. Guy probably died a hundred years ago.”

Well, that was a bust, but at least he now knew this gas also made people basically brainless. That helped a little with the guilt and all. Thinkin’ of it as killin’ vegetables was a lot less painful than what the reality was. He tossed the note and headed back up the stairs. Back in the Atrium. Of course.

He huffed and squinted at the still lit signs. “Cafeteria, maintenance, quarters, no thank you. Overseer, entrance… maybe there’s a map in the… oh. Oh! Hey! There’s an unmarked hall. That’s gotta be it. Right? Right… it ain’t crazy that I’m talkin’ to myself, is it?”

Abby had no idea where she was. All the hallways here looked alike and  _ none _ of the Amatas she’d passed would stop to help her. That probably shouldn’t have been as depressing and hurtful as it was, but it definitely was. She wouldn’t even  _ talk  _ to her, which was just so rude. Especially coming from her.

If it were not for her father’s occasional assistance, she’d probably be completely lost here. But that was silly. She knew exactly where she was going. Always did. She’d been born here, hadn’t she?

The walls to either side seemed to squeeze in and hug her whenever she needed reassurance and that was so nice. She’d always felt so safe in the vault. That silly nightmare she’d had about being outside in the wastes just had her a little discombobulated was all. Talking to Daddy would make it better.

She happened to glance up and frowned at how far away the ceiling seemed. That didn’t seem right, did it? She looked down but the floor was still exactly where it was supposed to be. Her body appeared normal, just… smaller? Somehow?

Shrinking wasn’t a thing people did, she was fairly sure. Mostly sure, even. Daddy would know for certain, of course, but she was  _ mostly sure _ which was probably better than the average person would be at this point. She kept walking, despite the ongoing issue with her height. Standing in one place wouldn’t solve anything. Best to keep moving forward no matter what.

Finally, the clinic came into view and she happily skipped inside. Daddy was at the computer… and the desk… and the lab. She gaped at the scene before smiling to herself. Three daddies were certainly better than one and they’d always been there so what on earth was she so surprised over anyway? She was being very silly today.

“Daddy!” She bounced up to the one at the computer but he vanished before she got there. Abby scowled. That wasn’t very nice.

“Daddy!” She turned to the one at the lab and huffed. “Daddy disappeared on me! Tell him to stop it!”

The laboratory daddy faded away in a similar fashion.  _ Very _ rude. “Daddy! I am not here to play hide and seek! For heaven’s sake!” She stared at the one still working at his desk. Definitely the most studious and therefore the best of the daddies. “Can you believe them, Daddy! Just poofing away like that!”

He smiled at her and she went marching over. Almost close enough to grab his hand and then he was gone, too. Just like that.

Abby screamed in frustration, “No! No, that’s  _ not fair!  _ Why do  _ you  _ get to disappear?! That’s not fair!” She stamped her foot and then jumped at the familiar snickering coming from the doorway. Butch and his ridiculous gang. Honestly. The last thing she needed right now.

“Oh, shut up, Butch!”

“Well, well, well, look what we’ve got here, guys. Poor little Nosebleed all by her lonesome and no precious daddy around to save her.”

His voice was different. More sinuous than usual, almost like he was an actual snake and not just a little boy playing pretend. He seemed bigger than before as well. Taller, at least. Wally and Paulie, too. Abby blinked at Paulie in surprise, though she couldn’t say  _ why _ she was surprised. He was always with Butch and Wally, wasn't he? It was like the three of them shared a single brain cell or something. A hivemind with no one in the driver’s seat.

“You better get out of here. You have no business being in the clinic!”

His sneer turned from teasing to maliciously cruel and it hurt for some reason. She watched him pop his knuckles and knew the real hurt was coming, but there was an awful pain right in the middle of her chest. Not a panic attack. Something so much worse.

“What are you doing?”

“Time for a beating!”

“No! No, stop it!” She shrieked and dropped to the floor, scooting back under a nearby table for protection. “Leave me alone!”

Butch heard Abby’s screams bouncing off the walls and for a second he was so far beyond pissed and terrified that he couldn’t even make sense of where it was coming from. He blindly ran until he realized the sound was growing fainter, then doubled-back and eventually slid into some kind of laboratory. Broken equipment and shattered glass everywhere. Abby under some furniture while an asshole in a jumpsuit and lab coat stalked towards her, radiating malicious intent.

“Hey! Hey, asshole! Leave her alone!”

Her head came up and she looked around the room with wide, confused eyes. “Butch? Butch, is that… is… go away!  _ Go away! I hate you!” _

Those words hit him right in the heart and seemed to make the air go all blue and weird. God only knew what she was seeing right now. His vision was going a little cheesecloth itself. All he knew for certain was the jerk was still headed her way and he needed to stop them.

“Hey! Shithead! Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?!” The vault resident turned and Butch gasped at his familiar face. “Al? Dad, is that… no. No, it can’t be you. It’s this place fuckin’ with my head. Gotta keep it together. Gotta get Abby out.”

He steeled his nerve and ran full tilt at him. His bat made a sickeningly satisfying crunching noise as it collided with the man’s head. He watched him go down and had to blink a few times to make the guy’s face stop looking like his ma staring up at him with dead eyes.

“God, I hate this place. I hate this place so fucking much.”

It took effort, but he was finally able to tear his gaze away and went over to the table, holding his breath again before crouching down. Abby stared at him with unblinking, terrified eyes and immediately went hysterical the second he reached out for her. Kicking and fighting for all she was worth as he dragged her out. If she’d had any sense left in her at all, she’d be using all that weird ninja shit on him, but she didn’t. Instead she flailed at him the same way she’d always done when they were kids. Completely ineffective and only occasionally managing to land any kind of hit at all. None of which deterred him in the slightest.

Butch stood up and hefted her over his shoulder before bothering to speak, “I’ve got you, alright? It’s gonna be okay.”

“No! No, no, no, no, no!  _ Daddy! _ Daddy, help me!”

“Fuck.” There was no way she was getting free, but her insane squirming around wasn’t exactly helping him keep his balance. All it would take was one good lungful of this shit to have him as nuts as everybody else. If she managed to knock him over, that was it. They’d be screwed. “I need uh…” He frowned and really thought hard. “A C11 room. One of them safe rooms. Yeah.”

But where the hell was a safe room at? He stumbled from door to door, opening them and listening for the sound of air whooshing through the vents. It was kind of a high pitched whistle. Whatever this drug was, it must be sticky. The filters were probably about donezo. He finally opened a room that seemed a little quieter than the others. Some kind of private quarters. Maybe for whoever the head douchebag had been carrying out these experiments. Definitely a solid candidate for a C11 room. It was hard to be sure though with Abby’s constant bawling. He had to set her on her feet, an arm wrapped tightly around her waist while his hand covered her mouth. Once muffled, the room seemed silent and he almost cried himself in relief.

He dragged her inside and shut the door before tossing her on the bed. “Alright. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I know you’re pissed. But I gotta…” A note on the dresser caught his eye and he snatched it up, quickly skimming through it.  _ “Oh man. I just had to get my thoughts on paper man, otherwise the cat in my head forgets, man. The sky is as blue as it used to be, I'm so happy to be here and my roomies are flailing around in the love mist. I can't remember what I was doing before but man is it great here now. I never thought about it like this before, but the walls just need somebody to love, too, man. _ What the fuck does any of that mean? Roomies? It’s a private bunk. What --”

Butch caught Abby edging towards the door from the corner of his eye and pounced her without thinking. “No! No, you gotta stay here, alright? Do you understand? You gotta… you…” Fuck, had she always been this warm? It seemed to him that heat radiated off her like the sun. It made him want to stretch out and soak up as much of it as he possibly could. She was staring up at him in a daze and he quickly jerked up and off her body. “Shit, I’m sorry. Did I knock the wind outta you? I… it’s gettin’ a little hard to… depth perception or somethin’, and…” Goddamn, thinking was  _ hard _ right now. “I’ll be back. Okay? I’m gonna lock the door from the outside, but I’ll be back. I promise.”

He left her there and ran back towards the Overseer’s office. That weird liquid heat feeling disappeared by the Atrium and by the time he encountered what he was pretty sure was whatever was left of this vault’s security force, he was only full of one thing and that was fury. Fury at Vault-Tec. Fury at whoever that Mr. King from Arefu dick was. Fury at anybody dumb enough to prance their ass into one of these godawful places.

His bat was bloody and nearly splintered by the time he reached the office. He was almost positive somebody had actually shanked him at some point and half his face felt swollen, but that fury got him through the entries on the terminal and kept his mind clear enough to make some sense of them. It was even enough to have him shaking off the disapproving apparition of his stupid fucking dad.

Psychological experiment. Drugs in the air system, obviously. Because that’s exactly what the world needed post bombs. He furrowed his brow and studied the framed vault map on the wall. Vats of this shit were down near the reactor. If he could destroy those, this nightmare would be over. He could do that. Sure. Just him and his trusty bat.

Butch left the office dragging it behind him. The occasional chuckle escaping his mouth despite him not finding anything here funny. It occurred to him as he shuffled down a flight of stairs, listening to his bat thud along behind him, that he probably looked a lot like his pirate buddy from earlier. That was dumb though. He wasn’t crazy. He totally wasn’t. He was… he could still remember shit.

“Name. Uh… whatsit… Butch. Butch… somethin’. Don’t matter. I live in… in Megaton and I’ve got… got a best friend named Angel. No, wait. I’ve got an angel named Abby.” He laughed, “Yeah, yeah, that’s right. See? I ain’t crazy. I remember… remember shit…”

He stared blankly at three large vats half full of… something. Something weird. Pink, green, yellow. Candy colors. He had no idea where they’d come from. They were pretty though. Shiny and bubbly. Abby would probably…

Abby. Shit. He growled in frustration and swung his stick. It bounced off the thing like he’d hit it with a wiffle bat and he immediately chucked it. Someplace. Who cared? The resulting crash was satisfying to hear and he grinned wide.

“Come on, Butchie. You’ve fucked up shit before. Show ‘em how it’s done.” He brought his rifle around and took a shot. Instant regret hit him in the face as the loud explosion temporarily took out most of his hearing.  _ “Shit! _ That’s some loud…. fuck.” Well, he was all outta ideas. Glass had barely even cracked. Goddamn Vault-Tec assholes. Apparently this was the one place they’d decided to not cheap out at.

He kicked it a few times with his boot in frustration and almost lost his footing altogether when he accidentally landed a hit on some squishy hose thing attached to the bottom. His first instinct was the cuss it out and fuck it up. Toothpick was in his hand before he even realized he’d reached for it.

Then it occurred to him that this just might be the answer. A beautiful solution to an ugly problem. His blade gleamed pretty and silver in the dim light before it reflected the colors of the tanks and his grin grew wider. Pretty pretty pretty. He really enjoyed pretty things. A lotta guys seemingly didn’t, but he did. Pretty colors, pretty lights, pretty girls.

Thinking about pretty girls brought him, once again, back to Abby. The prettiest of girls. Waiting for him in that tiny room. Right, right, right. He still remembered.

Three quick cuts is all it took. Fluid drained from the vats as an useless alarm blared and he didn’t even stick around to watch it all go. It wasn’t as pretty once it hit the floor. All the colors came together to make some godawful puke brown. Totally gross.

Finding the room he’d left her in was surprisingly difficult. Everything kinda started blending together and he kept bumping into old friends who wanted to talk his ear off. Wally acted like he hadn’t even told the world about fucking his mom and Paulie was looking remarkably alive for somebody he’d personally watched slowly rot to death.

He could hear her though. A sad high pitched whine, like a wounded animal. He’d never heard her make a noise like that before, but it was definitely her. Coming through a door some asshole had locked. That took a few minutes to undo and he was feeling fairly smug at how clever he must be to crack such a tough nut by the time he was done.

“Abby!” Butch stumbled in, “I did it! I fixed the… I fixed the uh… the thing? That thing we were supposed to do?” He finally got both of his eyes to focus on her and frowned, “You okay?”

She was sobbing. Still on the bed where he’d left her. She’d managed to mostly shrug off her duster but seemed to have run out of steam after a certain point. Big tears rolled down her face as her chest heaved. Her eyes landed on him and the crying got worse. Again.

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m… I’m me and you’re you and we’re real. It’s okay.”

“I’m  _ hot.” _

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d… I think I noticed that.” Her hand reached for him and he couldn’t help but take it. Feeling it holding on to his so tight gave him an anchor of sorts to sanity and he was glad for it.

“Help me.”

“Course I will. Anything for you. That's what I always say. Anything for my angel.”

She sniffled and tugged him until he fell over top of her. “Please?”

He could smell lemons. That was weird. Oh, wait, no, that wasn’t weird. He’d given her that candy, right? Hadn’t he? It was probably just her. He finally realized he must be squishing her pretty good and carefully moved to the empty side of the bed. “Just… what do you need?”

Her foot hooked around his calf and slowly dragged upward as she pulled his leg between her own. She stared into his eyes and whispered. “Butch, please?”

That heat from before was back. Large and in charge. Crashing over him until there was no room in his head for anything else. Had him hard as a rock as she pressed against him. His jeans were tight and uncomfortable and he was kinda pissed he even had them on. He wrapped his arms around her as her hand slid into his hair and their lips crashed together. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and the sweet lemon taste on it had his head spinning. Abby moaned and squirmed in his hold and he couldn’t help but rock against her. She gasped and gulped for air as he peppered her neck with kisses.

“Please? I can’t take it. I can’t! Everything’s so itchy and tingly.” She cried and rubbed herself against his length.

The desperate need in her voice drove him into a frenzy. Butch had her jeans open in record time, his hand sliding against the damp fabric of her panties while her keening turned into a purr. “You are so goddamn wet for me, baby. You really want it that bad?”

As if he didn’t already know. The way she bucked against his fingers whenever they swirled over her clit and the nails slowly dragging down his shoulder told him everything he needed. Even without the sweet little whimpers in his ear and the beautiful pink flushing through her face and down her neck, he could already tell she was ready. Soaked and hot and literally begging him to get her off.

Everything he’d ever wished for.

“Butch, I’m… it feels…”

“I know, angel. I know. Just follow it.” He wanted to give her at least one before he tried wiggling his fingers inside. Even if it was just a little baby ‘o’ and not a big ‘O’. Hopefully get her wet and relaxed enough that he could get one in nice and easy. No matter how much he wanted to just rip her clothes off and shove himself inside. He still needed it to feel as good for her as it would for him. Better, even, so she’d always want him touching her after.

She was breathing faster now. Hot bursts of breath against his neck. Her whole body shivered under his and he found her lips just as it hit her hard. Swallowing the cries that had his heart soaring as she came undone for him. Usually he tried to pay attention to exactly what had gotten a chick off so he could stage a repeat performance whenever he wanted, but he honestly couldn’t think about anything other than falling into that wonderful heat. He couldn't even remember why he'd wanted to go slow here in the first place. She needed it. He had it and wanted to give it to her. Fuck it.

He rolled over onto her, struggling with his jeans. His hands felt heavy and clumsy suddenly. He was still exploring her mouth when she flinched away from him and an unhappy noise was pulled from her throat.

_ “Ow. _ That hurt.”

His eyes snapped back open. It felt like somebody had just dumped a bucket of ice water over him and Butch reared back. His heart thundered along in his ears as he stared at her. Abby was still squirming on the bed, still doe-eyed and looking more like that dream version of herself than she ever had. She watched him watching her and bit her lip before pouting.

“What? What hurt?”

“Hmm?”   


“You said somethin’ hurt?” His eyes darted over her body and finally zeroed in on a slowly blooming red patch beneath her shoulder. “What? What the shit is…” He leaned over her and frowned at the small nick in her skin. Butch finally realized he was still holding his switchblade and abruptly dropped it onto the floor.  _ “Shit. _ Shit, baby, I’m… oh,  _ God.” _

He’d _ hurt  _ her. That was  _ her _ blood on his knife. He’d never wanted to hurt her. Never again. Never, never, never. He scrambled away from the bed and took a deep breath. The lemons were fading, but what came in their wake was more confusion and a voice inside his head telling him everything was fine here. Everything was great. He should just get back into bed with Abby and…

He frowned at the bed. Small. Dirty. This was wrong. This was all wrong. He’d had a plan, right? Candlelight and soft music and flower petals. Sheets and blankets to snuggle up in after. Not just sex this time. Love. He wanted to love her and take care of her. Give her everything good in the world and...

Butch stared down at his hands and frowned even harder. They were dirty, too. Dirtier than the bed. Blood and filth and some kinda sticky shit. How could he want to put hands like these on her? That was… that was wrong.

This was all  _ wrong. _

His knife was on the floor for some reason and he snatched it back up, shoving it in his pocket and grabbing Abby. Her duster and pants had come undone at some point and the rage he felt at the notion that some asshole might have tried to put their hands on her while she’d been helpless and he’d been stumbling around here like an idiot gave him the clarity to put her back to rights. There was a cut on her shoulder, still dripping blood. He wasn’t even sure where it came from, but they had stimpaks for shit like that. So long as he got her out of here, they’d be alright.

“Gotta keep it together. Gotta get Abby out.”

She was mostly incoherent so far as he could tell. Kept pawing at him and murmuring things he couldn’t quite make out. That was fine. Probably. She was just little was all and she’d sucked in a bunch of this shit, so it made sense that she’d be out of it.

He slung her back over his shoulder and took off for the entrance. The floors were all sticky now and his boots made a weird tearing noise with every step. Breathing was a little easier by the Atrium and by the time they hit the door, he could finally remember his whole name. Remembered the day leading up to this shitshow. Mac and Lucy at Lamplight. Some jagweed calling Abby in for assistance.

“Shit, we were supposed to find somebody’s husband.” He frowned thoughtfully to himself as he jogged out the door. “I can’t remember seein’ anybody. Guy must’ve really bit it already. Sucks.”

Butch kept right on jogging until he came to the rickety old door hiding the main entrance to the vault. He carefully set Abby down and hurriedly checked her pulse when he noticed she was out cold. Slow and steady and  _ there, _ which was good enough for him at this point.

He went back to the control panel and pushed the little emergency button hidden underneath. Alarms went crazy inside and the huge door came to life with a screech, rolling into place a heck of a lot faster than it had opened. A rush of air hit him in the face as it recompressed the vault and the locking mechanism kicked in.

A little line appeared between his eyebrows as he tried to come up with a single solid memory of being inside the place but he came up empty. There was nothing there but a jumble of bad feelings. His shoulders absolutely ached and he had no idea where the fuck Mac’s bat had gone but he was hoping he wasn’t too attached to the damn thing. There was a sharp pain in his side as he took a deep breath and he finally realized he’d been stabbed.

“Son of a _ bitch.” _ Yeah, no. Absolutely nobody needed to go back in that awful place. He didn’t care what Abby said. Sabotaging the entrance was still a solid idea in his book. Two rounds from his rifle and the whole console was shattered into a million pieces. “There. Done.”

Abby was awake when he got back to her, blinking in confusion. “Was that… did you shoot something?”

“Yeah.”

“Headache... I’m so tired.”

“Me, too.”

“Did we… did we fix the vault?”

He looked down at the bizarre, disgusting goo now covering his boots and shrugged, “Yeah. I’m mostly sure.”

“Okay.” She rested her head back against the rock wall of the cave and sighed, “My shoulder hurts.”

“Yeah, you got a little cut there. Looks like some bastard got you with a knife.” He turned so she could see the dark splotch on the side of his shirt. “Maybe the same bastard who stabbed me.”

That got her attention and she finally stood up, “Oh, Butch. I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s alright. It wasn’t you… I think.”

Abby laughed a little, “I don't think I’d ever stab you. We should get this patched up.”

“Yeah. Somewhere else though. I don’t even like seein’ that fuckin’ number anymore.”

“Okay. There’s a little grocery store to the southwest of here.”

“What about that house we saw?”

She shook her head, “It’s almost always infested by raiders.”

“Oh, I definitely ain’t up for that. Shoppin’ it is!”

“Alright.” She headed out the door and stopped so suddenly he bumped into her back.

“What? What is…” He trailed off and stared up at the star-sprinkled sky. “It’s nighttime already?”

She checked her PipBoy, “It’s about a half hour before dawn, actually.”

“We were in there --”

“Almost ten hours.”

“Ten hours?!”

“No wonder I’m so tired.”

“Jesus. What the hell happened?”

Abby sighed heavily and shook her head, “Who knows? In my experience, not remembering is far better than actually remembering the things that happen in most of these vaults. There’s some stuff you just can’t get past.”

"Yeah, no doubt. So are all the vaults you’ve visited fucked up funhouses like this one?”

“Some more than others. Hmm. Actually…” She turned and looked at the vault for a moment before heading out. “That might be the answer.”

“What answer?”

“I need more information on the Followers but I only have biased sources left.”

“Right.”

“So what I should do is gather as much data as I can --”

“Uh-huh.”

“-- and then figure out the common threads.”

“Sounds smart.”

“We’ll have to go to Vault 112. Not right this second, but eventually.”

“What’s in Vault 112?”

“The only person left alive who knows what Daddy knew about… well, everything.”

“Huh?”

“I can explain it better after we get some rest. We should get going. Eat a bit and then sleep before heading back home.”

“Yeah, I feel like I’ve got low blood sugar or somethin’ after all that. Kinda drained. You want a piece of candy? I think I’ve got another lemonhead somewhere.”

She wrinkled her nose, “I don’t think I like those anymore.”

“Really?" He finally came up with one and stuck it in his mouth. "I can’t stop thinkin’ about ‘em for some reason.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from Oscar Wilde: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
> 
> Vault 106 is the scariest, worst vault IMHO. Ick.


	21. Secret Helpers Are Conspiring

Abby stared up at the tin ceiling overhead and tried hard to relax. Her bubble bath was perfect. Warm and cozy. Lots of fluffy bubbles. It and now the entire bathroom smelled like roses. She’d installed a filter on her water heater ages ago so rads weren’t a concern. Soft, classical music floated in through the open door. Wadsworth puttered around downstairs in a quiet, calming sort of way.

Really, she should be practically asleep at this point, but she wasn’t.

It had been almost a week since their unsettling adventure in Vault 106. All that missing time and their odd injuries. She’d realized once they got to the grocery store where they had made camp that her underwear had been… well, not soiled. Dirtied. From the outside. Someone’s hands had definitely been on her and she had no idea if it was her own or someone else’s.

Butch had found troubling things on himself as well. That shallow wound on his side, a few torn muscles in his shoulders. Insomnia that had lasted almost two solid days. There’d been some kind of sticky goo that wouldn’t come off his boots. He said it made his hands buzz when he touched it, so she’d insisted he burn them and switch to a new pair. God only knew what Vault-Tec had cooked up for those poor people trapped in that vault.

Honestly though, all of that was pretty par for the course as far as missions into old vaults went. She really should have tried to better prepare him. Definitely should have listened to her gut when it said smelling raspberries so strongly was odd. It wouldn’t have been hard to make the trip home, grab a couple of gas masks, and then head back, but she hadn’t. Safety first, that’s what Daddy had always said. She hadn’t been safe at all there though. Something about being with Butch always made her feel like things would be alright no matter what, which was foolish. She knew better than anyone that wanting a thing to go well certainly didn’t make it so.

They could have been killed just because she couldn’t stop looking at him with stars in her eyes.

She grumbled and sank lower into her bath. Blowing petulant bubbles while she berated herself. Jobs were piling up, more and more every day. Butch stopped by regularly asking if there was any work for them and she kept lying through her teeth and saying no. She was still able to make a few deliveries here and there thanks to the caravans, but mostly she just wanted to stay put, safe in her house. Where things were predictable and calm and there was no chance of her or her best friend being tortured or worse.

It was cowardly, but she didn’t care. In fact, the more she thought about all the errands and chores and requests pinging through to her PipBoy, the more aggravated she became. Why did it always have to be her fixing things? Had these people never heard of the Brotherhood? Or the Regulators or the Rangers? There were loads of good people here in the Capitol Wasteland more than willing to help out. Most of whom had oodles more experience and firepower than she did. It was absolutely absurd the things people assumed she could do.

They acted like she’d taken down the Enclave all by herself. That it had just been one insignificant person against a literal army and somehow, the little guy had come out on top. People talked about her now like she was some kind of legend or something. Her life always sounded so exciting and amazing whenever other people told it. They always seemed to leave out the bruises and pain and crying and the overwhelming feelings of helplessness and despair that often threatened to swamp her.

Abracadabra and her magical ability to make things better. That’s all they saw. That’s all they wanted.

And she was sick of it.

Abby finally succumbed to the urge and let herself go completely under. Now staring at the world through a wall of iridescent bubbles. Everything was nice and warm and quiet here. Life underwater would be a dream if only she never had to breathe.

She waited until her lungs burned and then popped back up.

The thing of it was, she used to be alright with all of that. Being used as a tool by every Tom, Dick and Harry across the wastes had been fine when it was just her. Sure, it was usually her and Charon, but he could more than take care of himself. The contract he was eternally bound to had provisions in it for things like her death. It even gave him enough free will to choose to not sacrifice himself in dire situations, which helped immensely with the guilt she felt holding onto that evil piece of vellum in the first place.

Running about with Butch though was… different. The idea of him being hurt, especially just because of her or her endless thankless errands, absolutely killed her. Worse than that, it distracted the hell out of her in the field. She was so on guard for his own safety that she could barely look after herself.

He’d probably be very put out if he ever knew how much she worried over him. She knew that. He thought of himself as a true rough-and-tumble wastelander now. It was actually really, really adorable on him. The way he’d step up to anyone who so much as looked at them wrong. Always puffed up and ready to fight anybody he had to, even when there was no one around to fight at all.

She knew he felt as protective over her as she did over him, even if that was completely unnecessary. Her time in the wastes before his arrival had already sharpened her edges until she could drop a man at fifty paces and not feel a thing. People might like Abby and they certainly loved Abracadabra, but they  _ feared _ the Lone Wanderer and with very good reason. She didn’t require protection. Not anymore. If anything, the world needed protection against her.

Adding insult to injury here, she hadn't been sleeping well. Since that stupid vault, she’d been plagued with… extremely aggressive sexual dreams about Butch and they were not helping her mood. On one hand, guilt. Soul crushing, heavy as the universe, Anubis weighing your soul kind of guilt. She was definitely not feeling lighter than a feather here lately. Just looking at Butch these days was enough to get her all weird and tingly feeling.  _ Not _ looking at him was somehow worse because he always seemed to notice that. He never caught her  _ looking, _ but he definitely caught her every time she  _ wasn’t _ looking and would almost always ask if something was wrong.

She was running out of excuses there. She’d already exhausted every known mild malady in the book. Headaches, vertigo, hypoglycemia, exhaustion. The list went on and on. He was going to start thinking it was a miracle she could even function if she had to keep it up much longer.

On the other hand, and so much worse, she was actually enjoying these dreams. Really enjoying them even. Last night’s was the worst yet. Butch making out with her in the cafeteria in the vault, like he used to do with everybody else. His hands in places that would have gotten him slapped were she in her right mind. There’d been this weird feeling in her tummy. Like there was a spring inside her someone was winding up and up and up until it snapped and she’d woken up. Panting and shivering with a very distracting sort of throbbing from her nether regions. She’d hoped her bath would put her in a better frame of mind because she had no idea how to face him after  _ that. _

Luckily, he usually didn’t show up until after lunch, so she still had time to pull herself together.

She felt like an absolute pervert. What kind of deviant has dreams about their best friend so potent they experience what she was pretty sure was an orgasm? Logically, she knew she couldn’t control what she dreamed about and therefore shouldn’t be held responsible for the unseemly things her unconscious mind came up with, but still. It just felt so  _ wrong. _ Agatha had promised her time and distance would help this stupid crush but it wasn’t. If anything, it was making it far, far worse. She’d never had those kinds of dreams before. Never even knew her body could feel that way, but now she  _ was _ and she  _ did _ and it was driving her crazy.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know all about this stuff, of course. She’d read things and had a few extremely awkward talks with her father ages ago. The theory of it all was simple enough. Arousal, stimulation, orgasm. Done. She’d just never cared to try any of that out herself. It hadn’t ever seemed necessary. Still wasn’t, of course. That would be ridiculous.

Anyway, she’d already tried and it hadn’t gone well. Everything just felt horribly sensitive and  _ weird _ and her mind had kept racing back to that time when Butch had helped Moira set up some frames in the greenhouse and came down with his shirt off all covered in sweat. He’d laughed at whatever the hell the expression on her face had been. Raised his arms and laughed harder as she bolted away like a rabbit. Not that it had helped as he easily outpaced her. Caught her up in the warmest, best bear hug ever. Rubbed her against his body just as a joke to get her all gross and sweaty, too, but it had felt like being inside a _ firework  _ and --

And  _ nobody _ needed to think about any of  _ that _ too hard. Nope. No, sir. Not gonna happen.

It was making her crabby and she knew it. She kind of hated the whole world except for him. Hence the ignoring everyone else. It just aggravated her to have to go out there and share him with everybody. Which was beyond ridiculous but true.

Honestly, at this point, she was ready to go track down whoever the heck his lady was, grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. How could she not know how wonderful he was? Did she not have eyes?! He was handsome and thoughtful and funny and… and helpful around the house. All the good things you could possibly want in a life partner in one singular person. It was as near a miracle as she’d ever seen, that was for sure. If this girl couldn’t appreciate everything he was capable of giving her, then she was a fool twice over. Practically braindead.

She couldn’t believe the nerve of that person. Did she think she’d be able to do better somehow?! That wasn’t even possible. There was no man in the vault or outside it that Abby had ever seen who could hold a candle to Butch. Not even a match to him, actually.

He was just… perfect. He was  _ perfect, _ was the thing. So was it really her fault that she couldn’t help but notice it? After all,  _ she _ wasn’t stupid, thank you very much. It was just plain as day what a catch he was. Even Bumble in Lamplight had warmed up to him enough to ask him to marry her when she grew up someday. That’s just the kind of response he inspired in people.

Whoever this girl was had to have been carved from stone or something to not feel anything for him.

Didn’t she realize how lucky she was? To catch the eye of a living… Abby huffed and scowled at herself. Crap. She was officially as twitterpated and brainless as the girls she’d grown up with had been. She’d just about thought of him as an Adonis. That was so… ugh.

Her head thunked back against the edge of the tub and she closed her eyes. She needed to relax. Calm herself down before he eventually showed up. Because as bad as lying here by herself thinking about him could be, she knew by this point that her mind would practically shut itself off the moment he stepped through the door.

She took a deep breath and started counting backwards from twenty. Willing her heart to slow itself and that awful, restless feeling in her tummy to go away. When that didn’t work, she switched to regulating her breathing. In for four, hold, out for seven. It had the unfortunate side effect of making her yawn a bit in the beginning, but it usually did the trick.

Another unfortunate side effect was sometimes the technique was enough to have her drift off completely. Just fall asleep anytime, anywhere. Which, of course, is exactly what happened.

Butch gave the front door a token knock before waltzing on in. Waddy wordlessly raised a pincher arm in greeting and he returned the wave. Livin’ on his own wasn’t so bad, really. He was almost gettin’ used to it. It was a little weird to be responsible for things like gettin’ up at the right time and making sure he had food on hand or whatever, after months of being taken care of, but he’d done it before. It wasn’t like it was new or anything. And at least at his current address, he never had to worry about stupid shit like tispy ex-girlfriends trying to sneak inside or certain former best friends tryin’ to start shit because said ex had gotten her feelings hurt by a locked door.

He was, for the first time  _ ever, _ actually able to live his life as a free man. Which definitely had its charms. Plus, after all that time spent tryin’ to be the best version of himself, it was pretty sweet to be in a place where he could fart whenever he wanted or jerk it someplace other than the bathroom. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted now.

Except Abby, of course. That was still… he was workin’ on it.

Their time in that godawful vault had changed things between them but he wasn’t sure how or why. She was twitchier than usual now. Kept spacing out while staring in a way that, normally, would have him laying down every line he had at his disposal. But on the flip side of that, she was barely able to meet his eyes most days. Kept her head down even when they were talkin’. He’d got her to sit down and play cards with him once, thinkin’ a thing so innocent and friendly would help things, but even that hadn’t worked. She’d been so distracted and fidgety that she’d given up after the second hand. Said she had a headache and needed to get to bed.

She was always kinda sick here lately.

“Abby?” He looked around and stuck his head in the kitchen but she wasn’t there. “Yo, Waddy, where’s she at?”

“Doctor Lane is upstairs.”

“Oh, alright. Thanks.”

Maybe goin’ through her pop’s journal again or takin’ a nap. Pretty typical for her lately. He took the stairs two at a time and grinned a bit when the heady scent of roses hit him. Ho, ho. Somebody had finally used the bubble bath he’d gotten them.

She wasn’t at her lab. Or her reading nook where his cot used to be. Wasn’t working at her desk in the bedroom. Maybe upstairs-upstairs in the greenhouse? He headed for the ladder and abruptly stopped as he passed the open bathroom door.

His head slowly turned despite the rest of him screaming not to and he stared at Abby asleep in her bath. She’d always had the door closed whenever she used the bathroom when he lived here, but that probably made sense. He’d never thought about how she did things without him around, really.

Most of the bubbles had disappeared. His angle wasn’t exactly platonic, neither. He really shouldn’t be standing here just gawking at her like some kind of creep. _Definitely_ shouldn’t be wondering what would happen if he went in there and woke her up. Nah, that was nuts. That would probably set him back years as far as their relationship went.

He finally found the wherewithal to step back and make his way back down the stairs. Waddy floated past and he grabbed him by an aperture. “Hey.”

“Sir?”

“Did you know she was asleep in the bath?”

“Yes, sir. Of course.”

“Then why didn’t you say nothin’?”

“You asked where she was, not what she was doing.”

“She’s  _ in the bath.  _ That’s a location.”

“Is it? My mistake.”

Butch stared him down hard and lowered his voice, “Waddy.”

“Mr. DeLoria?”

“You know me and her aren’t, uh… together, right?”

“Yes, sir. You are Doctor Lane’s friend and employee.”

He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, “Alright then.”

“Hmm.” Waddy floated his way up the stairs and muttered to himself, “For now.”

“What’s that?”

“I said I’ll get her up now, Mr. DeLoria. I’m sure she’ll only be a moment.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.”

“Yes, sir.” He huffed quietly. Humans. Such silly creatures, and none so silly as the young adult variety. He was honestly quite tired of finding the doctor out of sorts and he’d easily connected her moods to Mr. DeLoria’s comings and goings. Clearly she had bonded to him somehow and that needed to be rectified one way or the other.

Not to mention, she could  _ certainly _ do worse. Not every young man knew the ins and outs of proper Mister Handy maintenance. Mr. DeLoria was quite adept once taught and his finish hadn’t sparkled this brightly in ages. Surely to goodness if he could somehow arrange for him to once again reside here, things would work out better for everyone.

Household harmony was priority number one according to the standards set in his mainframe and he would do whatever it took to achieve it, even if the humans involved were a trifle stubborn about it.

Butch was on his third handful of Boston Fruit when she finally came down the stairs. All pink-cheeked and fuckin’ adorable the way her hair was swiftly drying into ringlets. God, he loved that. Loved everything about her, sure, but he could literally sit and watch her hair dry all damn day.

“Hey, beautiful!”

The blush in her face went about three shades brighter for the half second she was able to maintain eye contact. She paused on the landing and nodded, “Hey.”

Still weird. This was drivin’ him nuts. He shoved another handful of the gummy candy in his mouth and talked around it. “What’re we doin’ today?”

“Oh, nothing, really.”

Dammit. She hated when he talked with his mouth full. He’d been hoping to spark an argument or somethin’. Alright then. If he couldn’t get her riled one way, he’d just rub her the other way.

“Can I say somethin’?”

“Uh… sure.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and almost looked at him before folding her arms and shrugging.

Nice. Real casual there. “You gotta look at me first.”

A nervous, one hundred percent bullshit laugh tumbled out of her. “What? That’s… I’m totally looking at you.”

Eye contact for two seconds. Unbelievable.

“You’re lookin’ super hot today.”

Her whole face went bright red and she glared at him, “Excuse me?!”

Ha. Got ‘er. He feigned innocence and pouted, “What? It’s like a million degrees outside. You look like you’re a little warm is all.”

“O-oh. Oh, that’s…”

“Probably should have Moira check the levels on your A/C.”

“Right. Right, of course, that’s… right.”

“Y’know, my house is pretty cool right now. Sorta shaded and whatnot. We could hang out there if you want. Never did get that cobbler.”

“Cobbler?” Her head tilted, “We were supposed to have cobbler?”

“Yeah… wait, weren’t we?” His head tilt mirrored hers. “I coulda swore we talked about that.”

“I don’t remember talking about cobbler.”

“Huh… well, I made it anyway, so if you want some…”

“Oh, okay. Sure, uh… that sounds nice.”

“Cool.”

“Oh! I have your housewarming present, too!”

“I get a present?”

“Of course you… do? Wait, didn’t we talk about this, too?”

He shrugged, “I dunno.”

She sighed, “Stupid vault. There’s probably a good twenty conversations we’re going to have to have all over again now.”

“Yeah, my brains are still pretty scrambled from all that. I feel like I’ve got like… ten steps in maybe and then nada.”

“You’re doing better than me. I can remember asking if you smelled raspberries and then everything just fades to white.”

“Damn.”

“I know.”

“Well, getcha shoes on, let’s go.”

“Okay.”

Wadsworth helpfully floated over and handed her a wrapped box that looked suspiciously like a book and a pair of sneakers, “Doctor Lane?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you like me to contact Miss Brown for the repairs to the A/C?”

Butch stared at him over her head but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Thanks, that’d be great!”

“Of course. Will you be home in time for dinner?”

“Oh, I don’t see why I wouldn’t be. We’re just having coffee.”

“Yeah, it’s just  _ coffee, _ Waddy. Jeez.” He was still giving him the stink eye even as he ushered her out the door.

Damn robot. There wasn’t a thing wrong with her house and he knew it. Thing was actin’ downright screwy. They might have to get Moira over just to look at him.

His house, or shack, really, when he’d gotten it hadn’t held much. A bed, a desk. Filing cabinet. Basic kitchen. The world’s smallest bathroom with no door. Table with two chairs. One broken, one unbroken. But a few trips to Craterside Supply and things were gettin’ better. He now had two  _ unbroken _ chairs. A decent couch. A radio he’d gotten for two caps on account of it hadn’t been working. It had taken him three hours to fix it and he still felt proud of himself every time he switched it on. He now had his own set of dishes and shit. A little filter on the sink. A proper door on the john. He even had a throw rug and a couple of lamps.  _ With _ lampshades, thank you very much.

Totaled out to maybe two hundred caps and it was worth every single one.

Abby had been by once or twice. Generally they palled around at her house, since it was nicer and there was a robot butler and all. He realized after her first visit, sitting there at the kitchen table trying to make friendly chitchat without staring at the bed behind her, that maybe the bedroom needed a bit more privacy. So he’d put up a curtain there. Never actually had a reason to use it unless she was around, but still. Just made it easier to concentrate when he didn’t have to be constantly reminded of how they were only maybe twenty feet from freaking paradise.

He unlocked the door and held it for her. The scent of mutfruit and sugar hit her before she even made it over the threshold and he grinned at the deep breath she took and the quiet smile that crossed her face. Maybe this was the way? Just keep feeding her candy and baking her shit until she associated him with getting sugar? What was that called… Pavlovian conditioning or something?

“It smells delicious.”

“Yeah, I tried somethin’ new this time.”

“Oh?”

“M’hmm.” He got the coffee started while she sat at the table before gathering plates and utensils for them.

“What?”

“It’s a secret. I wanna see if you can guess.”

“Oh, a secret.” She wiggled excitedly, “I can’t wait.”

“Heh.”

Abby was absolutely starving by the time he set her bowl of cobbler in front of her. The little dollop of whipped brahmin cream on top was such a nice touch, too. “The crust is different.”

“Ah, she noticed.” He flopped down opposite her and waited for her to take the first bite before digging into his own.

“Hmm.” Definitely something about the crust. She chewed thoughtfully and puzzled it over. It was familiar. Sweet, with hints of vanilla. Far lighter than the regular razorgrain oat crumble he usually made. “I’ve tasted this before.”

He grinned but didn’t say anything.

She took another bite, this time just crust and closed her eyes. Where on earth had… no one else out here even made cobbler so far as she knew, so it couldn’t be that she’d had it in the wastes. Something from the vault, then? It did weirdly remind her of childhood…

“Want a clue?”

Abby blinked and nodded, “Yes, please.”

“Cake.”

“Cake?” She stared at her bowl for a moment and it finally hit her. “Fancy Lads?”

“Yup.”

“You used Fancy Lads for the crust?”

“Sure. Smashed some up real good, mixed some butter in there. Bam.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t burn.”

“I just put ‘em on for the last ten minutes.”

“That’s brilliant!”

“Thanks.”

“I mean it, you could sell this recipe to the Stahls or something.” She took another bite and hummed appreciatively. “Nobody makes mutfruit taste as good as you.”

“Jeez, makin’ me blush over here.”

He actually did look a little bashful at her compliment and she couldn’t help but stare. As cute as he usually looked just walking around, him all blushy and modest was even  _ better _ somehow. Maybe because it was so rare? Or maybe because she’d never seen him look that way when they were kids? It just felt special. Like something only she ever got to see.

She finally realized she’d spaced out again staring and immediately jerked her eyes away from his face. “You should open your present.”

“Oh, right! Man, I’m so excited. I don’t even remember the last time I got a present.” He tore off the old newspaper and his instantly confused face was enough to make her laugh. “What is this?”

Abby watched him carefully poke and prod at the metal box and felt obnoxiously proud of herself. “It’s a puzzle box.”

“A puzzle box?”

“M’hmm. I made it.”

“You  _ made _ it?”

“Yes. You aren’t the only one who’s handy, you know.”

He picked it up and shook it gently, pouting at the rattle of some treasure hidden inside. “How do I open it?”

“That’s the puzzle part.” She grinned in the face of his obvious vexation.

“I gotta solve the puzzle to get my present?”

“No, the box is part of the present. I was actually working on it back when we were in the vault. I um… well, I thought… since we were becoming friends and all, that it might make a nice Christmas present.”

The box nearly slipped from his hands and he scrambled to catch it. “You… what? You got me a Christmas present?”

She shrugged, “Well, I’d  _ started _ on a Christmas present.”

Butch almost hugged the damn thing to his chest but made himself carefully set it on the table. A Christmas present. Handmade just for him. Had they been doing a little better than he’d thought before she left? Or was this just something she’d done for all her friends?

“I bet you were busy every year. Makin’ homemade stuff for everybody… especially since you can’t cook or nothin’.”

“Oh, it… I’d never really made a present before. Except for Daddy, of course. I just… I liked to get my shopping done early, you see, and I went to the commissary and looked around but nothing seemed right for you, so… uh…” She frowned and trailed off. “Yeah.”

“So what?”

“Well. I’d gotten Amata and Jonas’ presents and on the way back I overheard you arguing with Susie about going through your things. So at first I thought, oh, a safe! But those were  _ really _ expensive, so, uh, well, when I was little, sometimes Daddy would put my presents in little wooden puzzle boxes, but those can be smashed pretty easy. I asked him if you could make one out of something studier like metal and he said he didn’t see why not. I started collecting little odds and ends after that. Gears and things. I tried to work on it a little bit every day, but I hadn’t gotten very far when… when I had to leave. But you brought the pieces when you got all that candy and stuff and…”

“The box full of gizmos and shit.”

“Right.”

“Bedside table.”

“Um. Right.”

“I wondered what those were for.”

“Well… now you know.”

Bedside table. So she’d actually sat there,  _ in bed, _ thinkin’ about him every damn night. Carefully putting together somethin’ that was no doubt a work of art. Even if he never got the damn thing open, it was beautiful. Steel and copper and aluminum all intertwined in a chaotically precise jumble. He’d never seen anything like it before.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

Beautiful and completely impossible. He picked it back up and tilted it, looking for any cracks that might give him a clue on how to get started. “Can I get a hint?”

Abby laughed, “Okay. Just one.” She reached out and slid a little bit of copper to the side. “There.”

“Oh, ho. Well, now I’ll crack it for sure.” In about a thousand years. Maybe.

“It’s supposed to look like a narcissus on top, but I dunno how well that came off. I’m not exactly gifted when it comes to that sort of thing.”

“A narcissus?”

“Like a daffodil. That’s one of the flowers for December. I thought about holly but it’s so  _ seasonal, _ you know?”

“December has a flower? I didn’t know that.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nah.”

“Every month has different flowers assigned to it.” Her head tilted, “I thought you knew all about plants and their meanings and things.”

“What?”

“You were always up in the arboretum and you gave me those yellow roses that one time.”

“Yeah…”

“Yellow roses symbolize friendship. I thought that’s why you picked them.” She looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded, “Oh, I’m so silly. It was probably the florist who picked them, right? That makes a lot more sense.”

“Yeah.” Shit. He’d sent those damn roses because all girls everywhere knew what a dozen roses gettin’ sent to you meant. Or they were supposed to, goddammit. The vase was blue and her favorite color and he’d thought yellow would be a good choice to bring a little cheer into that dreary ass clinic she was always stuck in. He had no idea it  _ symbolized _ anything. No wonder she’d had such a frustratingly cordial reaction to them. For fuck’s sake.

“I actually read a lot about the language of flowers. It’s really interesting.”

“I bet.” Of course she had. He should’ve just gone with his gut and sent the red, but they were just so damn  _ dark _ and the clinic was always so dark and… fuck.

“So you don’t like flowers then?” She worried her lip a little, “Maybe I should have tried to do something else for the top…”

“No, I like flowers. I like ‘em just fine. This is… perfect. I love it. I’ll treasure it forever.”

Abby smiled, “Really?”

“Really, really. And I’m sure I’ll also treasure whatever the hell it is you hid in this damn thing.”

She laughed, “Well, I mean, it’s nothing fancy so… don’t get your hopes up too much.”

“Nah, if it's from you, it's definitely somethin’ fancy.” He smiled at her until she nervously looked away. Five seconds that time. They were doin’ a little better. “So, you notice anything different around here?”

“I feel like every time I show up, you’ve done something new.” She looked around carefully. “Um… new dish towels?”

“Nope.”

“Hmm… I saw the rug last time…” Her eyes finally landed on the curtain and she pointed, “That! That’s new.”

“Yup! You got it.”

“It’s pretty.”

“Yeah. Doesn’t all feel like one big room now, y’know?”

“Hmm. You’re really good at this, too.”

“What?”

“Uh… home décor. You're a surprisingly domestic person.”

“Oh. Well, thanks.” He shrugged, “When I was a kid, I couldn’t really, y’know, do my room how I wanted it. Ma always… well, she tended to break a lotta stuff.”

“Right.”

“And then I was livin’ in your old place and it felt kinda disrespectful to redecorate everything. I did move the TV though. It was kinda out of the way.”

“We didn’t watch it very often.”

“Yeah, you were always so busy. I watched a lotta movies on it.”

“Do you like movies?”

“Yeah! Yeah, what’s not to like?”

“You know, Lamplight tries to do a big movie day thing every once in a while. Whenever they find a new holo.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“I guess the cave was set up for educational field trips and things, so there’s a big screen that comes down over the fungus pools. They set up a holoprojector and have a great time.”

“That’s so cute.”

“The last one was… uh… what was it? Oh.  _ Beach Bunny Bongos.” _

He snorted, “What?”

_ “Beach Bunny Bongos.” _

“Did you watch it, too?”

“Sure. RJ bought it off some trader. He was so silly about it, though. Kept trying to hide it from me. I think he didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Uh-huh.” Or, with a title like that, the kid thought he’d lucked out and found an honest to God porno.

“But I set up everything and told him I already knew we were having a Movie Night so he didn’t need to be all secrety about it.”

Oh, God. Poor kid must have had a heart attack. “Sure.”

“It was really cute.”

“What was it about?”

“Oh, some silly summer beach movie with a girl in a rock-and-roll band. She had a weird name… Candy or… no,  _ Corny.  _ That was it. Her nickname was Popcorn and everyone called her Corny.”

“Heh.”

“What?”

“Nothin’. It sounds cute.”

“It was.”

“Yeah.” Shit. The awkwardness was already tryin’ to slink back in. Any second now, she’d --

“Well… I should probably get going.”

Yup. She was gonna make some lameass excuse to leave. He wondered what it would be this time. “You could stay if you wanna.”

“I actually should probably work on fixing the bike.”

“What?”

“The wires, remember? Molerats.”

“Oh, right.” Okay, that was a pretty good reason he guessed.

“We still have to go to Vault 112 at some point and it would be nice if we didn’t have to walk.”

“Right. Go talk to this Braun character.”

“Well… I’ll be the one talking to him. I just need you to monitor my life signs.”

“Hmm. You’re sure it’s safe?”

“I removed his administrator privileges after last time. It should be perfectly safe… though he probably won’t be very happy to see me. I’m sure he’ll get as nasty as he possibly can, but I have a pretty solid trump card in my back pocket so maybe he’ll behave.”

“What’s the trump card?”

“I’m going to offer to pull the plug on his pod.”

“You’re gonna kill him?”

“I’m going to offer to, yes.”

“Offer or threaten?”

“Offer. He spent two hundred years torturing the poor souls that were trapped in there with him until I went and took away his toys. It’s been six months of him being all alone. To a narcissistic masochist like him, that’s an eternity. I highly doubt he wants to spend any more time like that, but with the safety protocols engaged, he can’t end his own life.” She shrugged, “So I’m going to offer the gift of release.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

_ “Then _ it becomes a threat.”

“Ah.” Jesus, she was scary when she talked like this. “Well… don’t let me keep you.”

“Right.”

He watched her pick up her dishes and stood, “Hey, you don’t have to --”

“I’m just moving them to the sink.”

“You’re the guest though.”

“Even guests should make an effort to be polite.”

Butch grumbled a bit at that but figured she probably knew the finer points of living in a civilized manner than he did. He gathered his own dishes and brought them over, too. “You should write a book someday. Wasteland etiquette for the average degenerate.”

She laughed, “That almost rhymes.”

“Yeah, I’m really good at  _ almost _ rhymin’.”

She was still giggling when she turned around and abruptly stopped. Caught like a deer in the headlights as he stared down at her. Too close. This was way too close. He seemed to realize it, too, if the momentary concern that flashed across his face was any indication. Not that he seemed interested in moving back from her.

His brow furrowed for a moment before he finally set his dishes behind her and quietly spoke, “Abby.”

“Butch.”

“Look, I dunno what’s wrong between us this time, but if it’s somethin’ I did, I’m sorry.”

Oh, God. His eyes looked so sad and it was all her fault and she  _ hated _ this whole sorry situation. “It’s not… you didn’t do anything.”

His smile was as melancholy as the rest of him and that was killing her, too. “Yeah, but that’s what you said last time and I kinda feel like that whole thing was my fault, so…”

“It wasn’t your fault. I was just... being silly. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Kinda feels like I have.”

“You really haven’t. I promise.”

He sighed and nodded, “Alright. It’s just… you’re the most important person in the whole world to me, y’know? I don’t wanna mess this up.”

Abby could not stand looking at his face another moment. So she took the coward’s way out and hugged him. Hiding against his chest meant she didn’t have to see him, and despite the staggering sensory overload of being this close, it was still better than that. Anything was better than having him look at her like she’d just kicked his dog.

“You’re the most important person in the whole wide world to me, too.”

His arms wrapped around her and he set his cheek against her hair. “Really?”

“Really, really.”

He reluctantly loosened his hold and stepped back a bit to give her space. But the way she looked up at him, all flushed and beautiful. Eyes full of longing and regret. He couldn’t stand it.

Butch pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. The way her hands tightened on his shirt had him setting one on her nose, too. It was really her quiet laughter that did it and before he knew it, his lips were on hers. Still careful and gentle because this one moment could mean everything. Her familiar surprised gasp that she always seemed to do whenever this happened had him chuckling.

Would there ever be a time when she wasn’t surprised he wanted to kiss her? God, he hoped so.

He’d almost mustered up the moral fortitude to end this insanely dangerous moment of indulgence when her arms wound around his neck and a needful little noise escaped her. Easily the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, thrilled beyond measure at the hesitantly eager way she moved with him. An encouraging rumble came from his chest as her mouth opened under his and he’d never been so annoyed at having to breathe in his life. They were both panting as he slid his lips down her jawline and nuzzled against her.

“Abby, I --”

“Oh, my God.”

The sheer panic in her voice had dread settling over him like a lead blanket. “Baby, it’s --”

“I have to go. Right now. I have to go  _ right now!” _

“No, you don’t. Listen --”

“I’m sorry! I have to go!” She slipped right out of his arms and bolted for the door.

“Abby!”

“I’m sorry!” It banged shut behind her with a terrible kind of finality.

He watched her go and it felt like she’d taken his heart with him. Just ripped it right outta his chest. He couldn’t chase after her. Not this time. Not with her so upset with herself and afraid of whatever she was starting to feel for him. If he did, if he pushed here, she was going to break and then everything he’d been trying so hard to build between them would be lost. If it wasn’t lost already.

Butch sighed and ran both hands through his hair,  _ “Fuck.” _

Almost twelve hours and God only knew how many beers later, he was not only plastered but well on his way to giving up. On everything. Abby, life, whatever. He’d been an idiot to think a few months of tryin’ to make nice could possibly make up for all those years he’d tortured her. Karma just didn’t work like that. He still had way more hits comin’, no doubt, and it had been stupid and probably more than a little arrogant to think he could escape the cosmic beatdown that was undoubtedly comin’ his way in the first place.

He laid on his couch, staring up at the tin ceiling and feeling pretty despondent with life in general when there was a knock at the door. The idea of actually getting up made him scowl and he glared over at the clock on the wall. Nearly midnight. So it definitely wasn’t little Miss ‘I’m afraid I might get cooties so I can’t kiss nobody’ Lane and therefore he didn't give a shit. Ignoring it felt like the way to go here and he closed his eyes.

Except more knocking followed. Whoever was on the other side apparently couldn’t take a hint. Fuckin’ assholes. Of course, it was pretty late. Maybe he’d gotten lucky and there’d been a raider attack. He wouldn’t mind kickin’ a few asses right now.

It took a few attempts, but he finally lurched up off the couch and shuffled to the door. He probably looked like shit but for once he couldn’t bring himself to care. Months of careful pussyfooting around her delicate sensibilities and then he went and ruined it all in under a minute. Fuckin’ idiot. God. Somebody as dumb as him didn’t deserve to look good.

He wrenched open the door, “What?!”

Abby stood shivering on his porch. Not making eye contact, of course, but still there, which was nothing short of a miracle in his opinion. He swayed a bit and narrowed his eyes, trying to concentrate. Something was different about her.

She spoke through chattering teeth, “I’m… I’m sorry to bother you, but I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“What?”

“T-there’s something wrong with… with the air conditioner and…”

That was it. Frost. There was actual frost in her hair, shimmering faintly in the neon lights from across the way. Her lips were practically blue.

Huh. This was some malfunction.

“I - I tried to f-fix it… fix it for  _ hours, _ b-but I… I can’t. I don’t know what’s wro… wrong with it.”

Did she want him to try to fix it? Between the two of them, he still probably had more experience getting his hands dirty with heavy machinery and all, but she was the genius here. If her _and_ the robot couldn’t figure it out, then there was no way he…

Oh, shit. The fuckin’ robot. That sabotaging, sneaky son of a bitch.

"Bunkhouse is full. I… I was wondering if I could m-maybe sleep on your couch?”

God bless RobCo and General Atomics International.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote is from the astrologer Rob Brezsny: "The world is crazily in love with you, wildly and innocently in love. Even now, thousands of secret helpers are conspiring to turn you into the beautiful curiosity you were born to be."
> 
> Boston Fruit, for those who don't know, is brightly colored sugared gummy candy. It's actually pretty good but it's got a weird old-fashioned kind of texture to it. It's hard to describe.


	22. Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.

“Uh…”

“I… I understand if…”

“No, no, no. Just uh… just gimme a sec, alright?” Butch carefully closed the door and launched into action. All the beer bottles had to go and so they went. Straight into the trash. Pillows fluffed. The place probably smelled like a brewery but there wasn’t much he could do about that. Come to think of it, _ he _ probably smelled like a… oh!

He grinned at himself as he dug out his aftershave, “I am the smartest asshole in this whole damn joint.”

A little splash here and there and a quick comb through his coif and he was ready to go. He totally was. Wasn’t gonna blow it again. Nope. This was clearly a gift from on high (and good ol' Waddy, bless his mechanical heart) and he wasn’t gonna waste it.

He opened the door with a smile and draped his jacket over her shoulders as he brought her inside. “Come on in, sweetheart.”

“T-thanks.”

“Sorry I don’t have any blankets or nothin’. Just haven’t got around to gettin’ em.”

She shook her head, “S’alright.”

“You poor little… _Jesus!”_ He took her hands in his and rubbed them. “Your little hands are like ice!”

“Waddy… he said he thinks Moira overfilled the freon. Supposed to… to be fixed by morning.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” So Abby knew absolutely nothing about HVAC. Good to know. Freon didn’t do this. There was no freaking way. He had no idea what had, but her house had to be like a deep freeze for her to be this cold. “Come on, we gotta get you warmed up.”

“O-okay.”

He led her over to the couch and sat on it before pulling her down onto his lap. Didn’t even have to fight her on it. Just curled into him shivering and he felt like the luckiest son of a bitch who’d ever been born. She didn’t even seem to mind him rubbing her arms or thighs or nothin’. It was a goddamn miracle.

“You shouldn’t have stayed there so long, kitten. You’re about frozen solid.”

“Didn’t want to b-bother anyone.”

“Hmm.” Was he crazy or did she sound sleepy? Was that alright? Hypothermia caused that, didn’t it? He should probably ask. “Hey, if you fall asleep is that bad? Should I go get Church or somethin’?”

She shook her head, “‘S okay.”

“Alright.” He clicked his tongue, “Sure wish I had a better way to warm you up. Hmm.” As if he totally didn’t have a sleeping bag stashed under the bed with his pack. He pretended real hard to think it over. “What about a shower?”

“What?”

“I’ve only got a walk-in, but the water gets really hot. Would that help?”

“Uh… I don’t have anything to change into so…”

“This is a medical emergency, isn’t it? I’ve got you covered. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Okay.”

Not even five minutes later, he had her in the shower. Abby Lane  _ naked  _ in  _ his _ house. Amazing. He tapped his foot impatiently while he waited outside and the second he heard the water turn off, he knocked on the door.

“Got you a nightgown.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“M’hmm.” The door opened just a few inches and he passed it to her. “Make sure you dry off real good, alright?”

“Okay.”

She was still too quiet. Still shy and embarrassed about earlier. Well, that was fine. He could get around that, he was fairly certain. They just needed to have a little talk was all and she was probably exhausted enough by now to not overthink every goddamn thing he said so maybe he could actually get through to her this time.

He gave her a wide grin when she opened the door. “Hey. Feel better?”

“M’hmm.”

_ Goddamn _ she looked nice in his shirt. Probably the exact same kinda shirt she usually slept in, but this one was  _ his _ so it just looked better somehow. He especially liked the way one of her shoulders peeked through the neck. That was pretty fuckin’ great. “You want some socks, too?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Alright.”

“I’d just really like to sleep now.”

“Okay. Come on.” He took her hand and started for the bed, completely unsurprised when she protested.

“Oh, I just… the couch is --”

“Nope. You’re still cold and we can’t both fit on the couch.”

“But --”

“I’ve got a fitted sheet, y’know. I know you don’t like bare mattresses.”

“Uh, Butch. I’m not really comfortable with… that is, I don’t…”

Shit. Was he goin’ too fast? He was probably goin’ too fast. “What’s the matter? You still upset about earlier?”

She stared at the floor and nodded once.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?!”

He shrugged, “I ain’t upset.”

“You aren’t?”

“Nope.”

“But --”

“I mean, if you’re mad at me or somethin’, then --”

“I’m not mad at  _ you.” _

“Okay, great.”

“I’m mad at _ me.” _

“Why though? I started it.”

“I…” She tried to tug her hand away but he wasn’t letting her go. Not again.

“There’s nothin’ to be upset over. I wanted to kiss you, so I did. Same as every other time it’s ever happened. It’s no big deal.”

“But --”

“In fact, if you’d be… y’know, amendable to it, I’d like to kiss you some more. Maybe even a bunch more. If you’d let me.”

She sighed, “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“You always get like this when you drink.”

“Oh, not this again. I wanna kiss you when I’m stone cold sober, too, y’know. I just don’t really have the balls to say so is the thing.”

Her head finally came up and she blinked at him in confusion. “What?”

“Liquid courage, y’know? It helps. It really does. You’re still as intimidating as you ever were. Maybe more even. It’s hard is all. A mere mortal like myself approaching a goddess walkin’. Takes a lot. So… I need all the help I can get.”

“I’m not… I don’t feel intimidating when I'm around you.”

“Well, you are, but I’m feelin’ brave tonight. Like, brave enough to get my worship on, so...” He tugged her a little closer and whispered, “How about we go to bed and I can warm you up the best way I know how, hmm?”

She stared up at him and whispered back, “I feel like I’d be taking advantage of you.”

Butch smiled, “That’s my line, sweetheart.”

“I’ve never really… I mean, I don’t even know how to…”

“I know. That’s okay. We’ll go slow. Keep stuff somewhere between first and second base. How’s that?”

“Uh…”

“Listen, I know you aren’t ready for the whole show yet. I know that, and that’s okay. I just… I’ve been tryin’ for months to get you to notice me as a man, see? And I’m runnin’ out of ideas here. Just let me give you a little taste, okay?”

“You’ve been trying to get me to notice you?”

“Yeah.”

“But… but your person…”

“Is you.” His hand tightened around hers. “It’s always been you.”

“You aren’t making sense. You’re drunk.”

“No, I  _ am _ making sense. You just aren’t ready for that part, either.” He sighed, “Look, alright, we’re both adults here, right?”

“Um… right.”

“And we’re best friends, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“None of that has to change if you don’t want it to.” He shrugged, “I just really wanna kiss you, alright? That’s all you need to worry about right now. So… are you gonna let me or what?”

“Is this just because you’re lonely?”

“No. Did you kiss me back today just because you’re lonely?”

“No… maybe? I dunno.”

“Okay, well, doctor, what’s the best thing to do if you dunno somethin’?”

“Gather more data and find out.”

“Right. So come on.” He tugged her again and started easing backward, “Standin’ here isn’t gettin’ us nowhere. We’re just spinnin’ our wheels.”

Abby dug her heels in and shook her head, “It’s not right. You’re drunk and just confused or something.”

He grumbled to himself. Too hard. He was pushing too hard and she wasn’t going to believe a damn word he said right now. Butch sighed and decided to just take her being here as a win, of sorts. At least she was here and at least she was talking and at least they were together. That’s all that really mattered, wasn’t it? Plus, the sun would eventually rise. Then he could reiterate everything he’d already said and she wouldn’t be able to write it off as the drunken ramblings of a fool.

“Alright. Alright, that’s cool.” It hurt, but he finally let go of her hand. “You take the bed.”

“Oh, no, really the couch is --”

“Closer to the door. I don’t like it. Somebody comes bustin’ in here, you’d be the first target.”

“Somebody busting in? We’re in Megaton.”

“Take the bed.” He ruffled her hair as he walked past. “There’s a sleepin’ bag underneath if you need it.”

“Thank you.”

“Yup… don’t try to run off in the mornin’, either. We got shit to discuss.”

“Okay.”

“G’night.”

“Goodnight.”

He flopped back onto the couch and listened to the quiet sounds of her getting into bed.  _ His _ bed, thank you very much. It was a bummer he couldn’t be there himself, but the way he saw it, they were at least three-fourths of the way there. That was alright. She was in his shirt, on his bed and the last piece was him gettin’ to be there, too.

Soon.

Abby curled up in her borrowed sleeping bag and tucked her head inside, too. It was warmer that way and she could pretend that she was literally anywhere else than where she was. Everything here smelled like Butch. Every part of her being wanted him to be here with her, but that wasn’t fair to either of them. Somebody had to be the responsible one and say no. If she selfishly gave into her feelings while he was compromised, she’d be no better than those Paradise Falls bastards with their mesmetrons.

He was just confused. She’d been wasting their time with her procrastinating and he probably didn’t know what the hell to think at this point. The bike was fixed. Wadsworth would handle the house. They needed to get this last vault trip out of the way.

_ Then _ they could talk. She’d convince him to track down his person and at least try to get them to listen. And if they wouldn’t hear him out, then maybe she could talk some sense into them. She was good at that. It would be fine. She’d make sure he was happy and content, and then she could maybe ask Sarah to help her get to California. A vertibird could make the trip pretty easy and she knew the Eastern Chapter was still occasionally in contact with the Western. She could offer to take a report or something so it wouldn’t just be her wasting their time and resources. It would hurt to leave everyone behind, but at least she’d know she’d done the right thing. A cold comfort, to be sure, but a comfort nonetheless.

Butch woke up to gummy eyes and the smell of coffee. Also a crick in his neck that would not quit. Turned out, you really get what you pay for when it comes to furniture. Twenty caps had seemed like a steal at the time, but clearly he’d been ripped off.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes before attempting to pop his neck. It was loud, and painful, but he could now turn his head almost as much as normal. Abby was already up, sitting on his kitchen counter. Fully dressed while sipping her coffee. She’d actually stayed. Hallelujah.

“Hey.”

“Hey. There’s coffee.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you up for traveling today?”

“Uh…”

“Because I need to go to 112 and get this over with.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, sure.” He brushed his hair back and squinted at her a bit, “It ain’t like that last vault, right?”

“No, 112 is safe.”

“Okay.” They could go do this and then they could talk. Bing, bang, boom, done. He could absolutely pretend that yesterday hadn’t happened for a bit. That was fine.

She nodded and set her cup in the sink before hopping down. “I’m gonna go pack. Is a half hour --”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you at the bike.”

“Great.”

He beat her there, but that was by design. Had to bust his ass to do it, but part of him had kinda worried he’d show up and she’d have already taken off. He gave her a wave as she walked up.

“Hey! So, where’s this vault at?”

“By Evergreen Mills. It’s not that far.”

“Cool.”

“Yup.”

It was a quiet kinda ride. Not that they usually talked the whole way or anything, but the vibe was definitely different. Felt a little weird not hashing shit out right away, but this was somethin’ she needed to do and he didn’t want her distracted when the time came. Hopefully Braun would cooperate, but from what he’d heard about the asshole, he kinda doubted it.

The Smith Casey Garage provided perfect cover for the bike. Abby leaned it against a wall, tossed an oil tarp over it and the thing looked like it had always been there. A hidden button revealed an access panel set in the floor and down they went. Nothing greeted them but a few rotted molerat corpses and a lotta spent shotgun shells. That actually made him feel better. He was glad she’d had Charon with her when she came down here. Place was creepy as fuck.

Abby opened the door with her PipBoy and they were immediately greeted by a robobrain.

“Resident.”

“Hi.”

“You are not authorized to be outside of your lounger.”

“Check your records. I’m the Overseer. I can do as I please.”

It’s processors whirred for a bit and the robot scooted out of their way, “Of course. My apologies, Dr. Lane.”

“It’s fine.”

“I hope you and your guest have a pleasant stay.”

“Thank you.”

They walked past and Butch leaned down to whisper, “You’re the Overseer?”

“I had to make some modifications to the mainframe to make sure Braun couldn’t override anything. Making myself the Overseer was the easiest way around his security measures.”

“Nice.”

“Hmm.”

Instead of being greeted by an atrium, like any other vault, the first room they came to was a massive, cavernous space with a bunch of weird pods all plugged into a center column. Abby led him over to one and pointed.

“Butch DeLoria, meet Dr. Stanislaus Braun. The inventor of the G.E.C.K. and the monster responsible for all the horrible experiments Vault-Tec visited on its innocent victims.”

Jesus. He hadn’t even heard that level of vitriol in her voice when she’d talked about that Jericho asshole. He studied the old fart and shrugged.

“Kinda looks like a bitch.”

“Yes, he is.”

“Heh.” She took off again and he quickly followed after. “So he’s just… stuck in a chair like that?”

“It’s called a Tranquility Lounger. It plugs his brain into a simulated world.”

“Oh.”

“He’d created dozens of utopias for the residents to live in, but grew bored and eventually started killing them off. By the time I got here, he was down to just a handful of occupants and Daddy. He’d tried to go in and ask him questions about the G.E.C.K. and Braun turned him into a dog for a few months. I used his own failsafe program against him, got Daddy out and put everyone else out of their misery. Then I left him there.”

“He turned your pops into a dog?”

“Yes. When I entered the simulation, he kept trying to communicate with me but I thought he was just part of the program.”

“Shit. That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

The overseer’s office contained a pod, too. Abby opened it and the bank of computers behind it lit up in response. Monitors across the way blinked on, revealing a quaint pre-war street. Almost looked like the neighborhood from  _ Leave It To Beaver. _

“What’s that?”

“Tranquility Lane. The last utopia. I erased all the others.”

“Damn. That’s like only havin’ one book to read for the rest of your life, right?”

“Right.”

He watched the images and finally zeroed in on one displaying a small playground, “Hey. Is that a little girl?”

“That’s Braun.”

Butch snorted, “Okay.”

“He liked torturing people in secret, so that was his disguise. Betty.”

“Jesus. Guy was sick in the head.”

“M’hmm. Pay attention for a second, please.”

“Yeah.” He came back over and looked at the monitoring station she was currently sitting at. “Uh… I don’t have to work this thing, do I? Never really been so good with computers.”

“No, all you need to worry about is this readout.” She pointed at a small screen that currently said zero. “Once I’m inside, this will monitor my heart rate. Dealing with Braun is… upsetting, so it’s going to be elevated and that’s fine. It’s not fine once it goes above 185. Small spikes are okay, but if it gets that high and stays there for longer than three seconds, I need you to push this giant red button, which will eject me from the simulation.”

“185, three seconds, big red button.”

“Exactly.” She paused and chewed on her lip a moment. “Also… he likes to lie a lot, so… whatever you see on the monitors, just ignore it, okay?”

“Uh… sure. Yeah.”

“You know what? On second thought, let's just turn those off." She went to the wall and pressed a button. The screens went dark and she nodded. "Okay. If all goes well, I should be able to get myself out.” Abby shed her gear and sat in the lounger. “If this goes over six hours though, please hit the button anyway. Time has a way of slipping away from you in there.”

“Right. I got it.” He sat in the chair and gave her a hopeful smile. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

She hated these things. So claustrophobic and they smelled weird. Antiseptic and leather just should not go together. The lid sealed and compressed and she closed her eyes as images flickered into her brain.

A soothing robotic female voice spoke as she connected to the mainframe. “Resident located. Overseer Lane. Unlimited access, no restrictions. Welcome, Dr. Lane.”

She opened her eyes in the simulation and glanced around. The black and white world was as static as ever. No birdsong, no wind rustling in the trees, no happy childish laughter, no nothing. Just like she’d left it.

A glance towards the playground revealed Braun had scampered off into hiding somewhere. Naturally. She took a step forward and realized she was in the default female resident outfit. Shirtdress, pearls and kitten heels.

“Nope. I’m not playing this game again.” She huffed, “Override outfit. Vault suit.”

The voice from before repeated her, “Vault suit.”

She held up her hands and watched her arms disappear into a dark grey leather. “Thanks.” Not exactly ideal, and she wasn’t really into the whole vault suit thing anymore, but this was better than Braun’s fantasy costumes. Abby raised her voice, “Dr. Braun! I am not interested in playing hide and seek with you.”

A heavily accented voice spoke from behind her, “Spoilsport.”

“Yup.” She turned around and nodded. “Dr. Braun.”

“Dr. Lane,  _ mein liebchen. _ How nice of you to visit.”

“I require your assistance.”

“Hmm.”

“If you cooperate, I will release you from this purgatory.”

“Ah.”

“If you do not cooperate, I will chip away at this world until it’s nothing but a barren rock and you can rot here for all I care.”

He tutted at her, “Goodness. You are far more mercenary than you were before. Your brain patterns are so different I almost did not recognize you. What has caused this,  _ liebling?” _

“I’m not your sweetheart.”

“Oh… look at that. So much scrambling in your neurotransmitters. You don’t know if you’re coming or going, do you?”

“Braun. Focus.”

He switched to the girlish voice of Betty and pouted, “Did you lose your daddy, lady? Is that what’s bothering you?”

“Yes, I did and no, it isn’t. Stop trying to toy with me. I know you’re bored but I am not your plaything.”

_ “Och. Mein tiefes mitgefühl. _ I did not personally like your father, but he was a quality scientist. It is always a tragedy when we lose another great mind.”

“Thanks.”

“So, what is it that you need from me? Hmm?”

“I know you mapped Daddy’s brain. I need to know everything he knew about a group called the Followers of the Apocalypse.”

“Hmph. Why not look for the data yourself, Lady Overseer?”

“I don’t know the system like you do and you still have direct access.”

_ “Read only _ access.”

“Yes, it’s all you can be trusted with.”

“Hmm.” He walked around her slowly and nodded, “Alright, Abigail. I’ll play your game of twenty questions… but I will only trade answer for answer.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I ask you something, you answer. Then you ask me something, and I will answer.”

“No. Other way around. I start the questions.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s no guarantee that you’ll answer anything at all.”

“Ah, she’s learned since last time. You were so trusting back then. So malleable. What happened to that?”

“Shall we get started?”

“Fine.” He shrugged, “Begin.”

“Did he genuinely believe the Followers were good people?”

“Yes, he did. Your father was an idealist and a part of him was deeply ashamed that he almost took you as a baby and ran away to them.”

“Why was he ashamed?”

“Ah, ah, ah. My turn.”

She sighed, “Fine. Go.”

“Who is this Butch you cannot stop thinking about?”

“He’s my best friend. We grew up together in the vault.”

“Hmm.” He waved a hand and a projection of Butch, beamed directly from her brain, appeared. Braun wrinkled his cute button nose.  _ “Dummkopf.” _

“Why was Daddy ashamed of wanting to go to the Followers?”

“He’d promised your mother that he would finish her work. It was quite a tender scene. He held you both as she lay dying and vowed to get the purifier operational while some horrible little woman screeched in the background.”   


“Oh.”

“Abigail.  _ Hast du dich verliebt?” _

Of course he’d know. Even with his limited access to her brain waves, he was still a master manipulator. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.

“Don’t pretend with me. If you lie or do not answer, our game is over.”

“Fine. Yes.”

“Ah.  _ Verliebtsein, _ yes? Quite exhilarating.”

“Did Daddy know if the Followers were angry with my mother for leaving?”

“Yes, he did.”

When he didn’t elaborate she glared at him, “Well?”

“It’s my turn.”

“You’re acting like a brat.”

“Perhaps. Have you kissed this boy yet?”

Abby grit her teeth, “Yes. Were the Followers angry with my mother for leaving?”

“Of course not. They are reasonable people of science and medicine. Her parents were not  _ thrilled _ to be losing another daughter, but they understood.” His grin was sly, “Is Butch monitoring you right now?”

“Yes. Was my mother still a Follower in good standing or had she been formally kicked out or something?”

He waved a hand, _ “Och, _ you grew up in 101. I keep forgetting this. You are not used to flexible minds. She was never kicked out. There was no bad blood there.”

“Oh. Oh, that’s…”

“Does Butch know you dream of him every night?”

“My dreams are my own business.”

“Ah, but so much is revealed in dreams! The heart shows its true colors once the brain slumbers.” Braun smiled gently, “And you know this, which is why you hate yourself. All that death and pain you poured into the world was not enough to drown your belief that you were a good, righteous person, but loving this boy in such a selfish way has. That’s very interesting.”

“Are there any Follower outposts outside of California?”

_ “Nein. _ What sort of disgusting monster covets their best friend’s heart when it belongs to another?”

Abby was starting to wish she’d thought to program a gun in here for herself. “This sort. Do you know anything else useful about the Followers?”

_ “Ja.” _ He casually leaned against the fixed image of Butch, “Does he know that you are not what you seem?”

“No. What else do you know about them?”

“They, like your parents, are idealistic fools who wield a bizarre amount of power in the New California Republic. I do not know why, but they do.” He shrugged, “Are you really going to abandon your whole life just to run away from him?”

“I don’t know yet.” She swallowed hard and sighed, “Thank you for your help, Dr. Braun.”

“Hmm… and now you will release me, yes? This was the deal.”

“Yes.”

_ “Danke. Ich bin dir dankbar. _ Before our time together comes to a close, would you like to see something interesting? On the house, as they say?”

“Sure.”

He grinned wide, “My vaults were once all connected, you know. Through the satellites. Once I met you, I spent a long time watching footage of your life in 101. Very interesting. More interesting now that I know how significant the interactions between you and the boy were.”

“Congratulations.”

“Hmm. What’s even _more_ interesting than all that, however, is what happened in 106 last week.”

“What?”

“I still have access to a few places. 106 is one of my favorites to watch. Very entertaining. I cheered for you the whole way.”

“I’m sure.”

“Would you like to see my favorite part?”

“Not really.”

_ “Och. _ You never knew how to have fun. Well, I bet the boy would.” He gestured with his hand and a vault bed appeared in the middle of the street. A hologram of Abby lay on it with Butch slowly walking towards her.

“Braun, stop it.”

“But this is the best part!”

She watched in horror as their projections came together. Her hand reaching for him and pulling him near. The way she tried to wrap herself around him as they kissed. His hand reaching for --

“Stop it!”

He laughed,  _ “Meine güte! _ Look at that! Your estrogen levels have skyrocketed! No wonder you can hardly control yourself around him if your body is this reactive.”

“Override simulation. Eject!” She came to in the real world gasping for air. Butch was hovering right outside her pod and by the shocked look on his face, he’d definitely seen everything. Braun must have switched the monitors on remotely while she was distracted. She kicked the pod open and almost fell trying to get out of it.

“Abby! Was that --”

“Shut up!” She barreled past him and the sound of Braun’s mocking laughter ringing in her ears and made for the main bay. Her knife was in her hand before she even hit the button to open his pod, but she waited for the look of recognition that eventually came over his face.

“Abigail?”

One single stab, directly to the abdomen. Past layers of flesh and atrophied muscle straight into his large intestine. She stared hard into his cold blue eyes and twisted the knife before yanking it out.

“A promise is a promise.”

“No! Not like this! You can’t --” The pod sealing itself back up cut off his words, though she could still plainly see him yelling.

A robobrain rolled up, “Occupant is in distress.”

“Overseer override. The occupant is not in distress. Condition green.”

“Condition green.”

She watched it roll away and finally realized Butch was staring at her. “What?”

“Uh…”

“Do you have something you want to say?”

He kept his eyes on the bloody knife in her hand, “Not while you’re holdin’ that, no.”

“Oh, are you afraid of me now? Is that it?”

“No more than I’ve ever been. You just… really like to gesture with that.” He watched her sullenly wipe the blade off and shove it back in its sheath. “Guy had it comin’...  _ has _ it comin’, I guess. How long’s it usually take to die from a gut wound like that?”

“Not long enough.”

“Painful though, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” He shrugged, “You wanna head for home?”

“I know you saw. I know you saw everything. I know you heard everything.”

“Yeah, I did.”

She folded her arms and stared at the floor, “I’m just… I’m so embarrassed I don’t know what to do.”

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“You know why, Butch.”

“‘Cause you like me.”

Abby winced when the words came out of his mouth but nodded. “Yes.”

“Nothin’ to be embarrassed about.” He sighed and looked around. Place probably had to be the weirdest place ever for a confession, but it looked like fate had made this decision for him. “Okay, I didn’t wanna do this in a place as fucked up and creepy as this but… alright.” He walked over and put his hands on either side of her head so she’d have to look at him. “Are you listening?”

“Y-yes?”

“Good.” He took a deep breath and set his forehead against hers. “Abigail Catherine Lane, I love you.”

She tried to lean away but he wouldn’t let her go. “What?!”

“I have loved you and only you my whole life --”

“What are you talking about?”

“-- since before I even knew what love was.”

“Butch?”

“I’m sorry I put you through so much when we were kids and I’m sorry I let this bullshit about some mystery girl go on for as long as it did. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt and by the time we grew up and I realized how badly I’d fucked up, I didn’t know how to fix it. I still really don’t know how to fix it now. But some foul-mouthed brat once told me that a very smart lady told his girl that she should just put it all out there, all at once, and let the chips fall where they may. So that’s what I’m doin’.”

“Oh.”

“I love you, Abby. I always have and I always will. I’m not askin’ for anything or expecting anything in return, I just needed you to know that.” He waited for her to respond and chuckled when nothing came but a bit of quiet sniffling. “You’re cryin’, aren’t you?”

She whispered, “A little.”

He whispered back, “Is it ‘cause you don’t wanna hurt my feelings or you just dunno what to do right now?”

“The second one.”

“Okay.”

“I… I was…”

“You were always the girl. It was always you.”

“You… that…” A sob escaped her and she shoved him back. “You  _ jerk!” _

“I know.”

“I’ve been _torturing_ myself for ages and ages because --”

“I know.” He sighed, “I noticed.”

“And you still didn’t say anything?!”

“I didn’t know what the hell to say. I’m sorry.”

“You’ve been lying for weeks! Since almost the beginning!”

“Yeah.”   


“You don’t lie to somebody you love!”

“I know. I know, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“I’m… I’m so… I can’t even stand to look at you right now!”

He backed up a few more steps, “Yeah, I kinda figured this was how it was gonna go.”

She angrily wiped the tears out of her eyes, “I am going home! Don’t you dare try to follow me, DeLoria!”

“Abby, please. Let’s just talk this out, or… try to anyway. That’s… that’s the, y’know, mature thing to --”

_ “I  _ do not need a lecture on maturity from  _ you, _ thank you very much! Goodbye!”

She stomped off and he sighed heavily before following. The glare she gave him over her shoulder could have frozen the balls right off a polar bear. He held up his hands, “I ain’t followin’ you. Just goin’ the same way.”

“You stay the hell away from me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I mean it!”

“Okay, I’ll… I dunno, wait a half hour once we get outta this vault so you can --”

“How about you do everybody a favor and wait a lifetime?”

“Oh, come on. You’re really gonna blame me for wanting to avoid this?! You get completely unreasonable whenever you’re pissed off!”

“So it’s  _ my _ fault now?! Well at least I’m not a _ liar _ who just goes around  _ lying _ all the time!”

“Well at least  _ I _ don’t lie to  _ myself _ anymore! You’re still doin’ that every damn minute of the day!”

“Shut up! I  _ don’t _ want to talk to you!”

“Fine!”

_ “Fine!” _

She was still so angry her hands were shaking by the time she mounted the bike. That was after drop kicking Butch’s helmet as hard as she possibly could. That asshole. She’d lost so much sleep and had God only knew how many stupid panic attacks over this. Cried every damn day. Practically turned agoraphobic.  _ Hated _ herself. All for nothing. Over _nothing._

The engine roared to life and she took off for home. He could find his own way back. It wasn’t more than an hour’s walk. She was still so angry by the time she reached Megaton that Deputy Weld actually didn’t greet her for once. Just scanned her quietly and opened the gate. Wadsworth, too, laid one aperture on her and immediately made himself scarce rewashing already clean dishes in the kitchen.

Slamming her bedroom door was pretty satisfying. Picking up the books that had wobbled off their wall shelf when she did it kind of negated it though. Abby flung herself on her bed and cried out of frustration and anger and embarrassment and pretty much every other emotion her brain could come up with. It took a few hours but she finally tired herself out enough to just lay there and occasionally hiccup a bit.

It didn’t even matter. He knew how she felt and she knew how he felt but none of it mattered. Butch only liked girls. He still hadn’t caught on that she wasn’t one and unlike some people she couldn’t just lie her way through life. So eventually, once she was able to face him again, she was going to have to tell him the truth and then whatever this was would die. At least on his end.

She’d probably love him the rest of her life. Her father had told her all Lanes were like albatrosses. They mated for life.

Wadsworth timidly tapped at her door, “Doctor Lane?”

If he thought she was up to answering properly, he was sadly mistaken. She called out, “What?”

“There’s a package for you. I’ll leave it here.”

“Thanks.”

“Would you like some --”

“No.”

“Alright… don’t let yourself get dehydrated.”

“Okay.”

Probably more work from Moira. Or parts for a thing. She had a standing order with all caravanners for useful things like adhesive and fiber optics. That was probably it. It took ten minutes but she finally managed to make it the five feet to her door and dragged the box inside. Heavy. Old. It didn’t make any fun jingly noises when she shook it so it couldn’t be supplies.

She finally opened it and frowned at the contents. Dozens and dozens of notebooks. A note on top with block letters that she easily recognized as Butch’s handwriting.

_ I KNOW YOU’D RATHER READ THAN TALK, SO HERE. _

He always wrote in all caps but she was pretty sure he was actually yelling this time. “What the heck?”

The first notebook was a puzzle in and of itself. Nothing but endless crayon drawings, clearly done by someone who’d just learned how to hold one. Slowly, over the course of the book, they became a little more clear and on the last page, if she squinted really hard, it almost looked like a little girl with fairy wings.

The second one was more of the same, but halfway through, her name, scrawled in block letters, started making appearances. The little fairy had a lot of adventures in this one. Always accompanied by a kind of lumpy figure with black hair.

“What is this?”

The next one had proper dates on some of the pages. From the year 2263. She was barely five then. Still mostly pictures, but some of them had words detailing the adventures in a haphazard sort of way.

Abby dug though the box to one of the ones from the middle and flipped it open.

_ January 17th, 2269:  _ _ Today’s the day. _ _ I’m going to tell Abby right after Sunday school.  _

_ January 18th, 2269: That jerk Freddie got in the way so I  _ _ punched his lights out. _ _ Gonna try again tomorrow. _

_ January 19h, 2269: I really tried this time but she’s just too damn pretty. Shit. _

_ January 20th, 2269:  _ _ Abby smiled right at me today! _ _ I about died! _

_ January 21st, 2269: Abby knows everything about everything. She’s so smart. _

_ January 22nd, 2269: Spaced out watching her in class and totally failed a pop quiz. Ma’s pissed but I got to watch her twirl her hair for 20 minutes so  _ _ it was worth it! _

Page after page. Day after day. Nearly every entry was about her. The further she got, and the older they'd been, the longer the entries got. Some were quite sweet. Attempts at epic poetry and fairly decent drawings.

The last book was different from the rest.

_ August 17th, 2277: Abby and the doc left. I don't know what to do. I lied to Wally's dad and told him I hadn't seen her. Gave her my jacket because it's probably cold out there. I should've kissed her. Why didn't I kiss her??? Why didn't I run after her?? Al says we're on lockdown now. There's nothing good left in this vault. _

_ September 1st, 2277: Al made us all come to a memorial service for Abby. Not even Amata thinks she could have made it. I feel kind of stupid for not giving up yet but I just can't. If I could leave this stupid place I would, but all the guards carry real guns now. _

_ September 3rd, 2277: Moved into her old place. Her room still smells like her. Looked at all the vitamins and medicine in the bathroom and it finally hit me. There's no way she made it. It's fall now. She's so little and every year around this time she always caught a cold. She's probably already been eaten by some monster or froze to death in the night. It feels like the whole world's gone grey. I hate everything. _

After that entry, there was nothing but a single X for each day. She flipped through endless pages and finally found more entries starting from July. They were different from the others. He'd started writing directly to her.

_ July 13th, 2278: You would've been 20 today. Happy birthday, angel. I love you. _

_ July 14th, 2278: I woke up today and realized if you could see me now, you'd be giving me that scrunch face look. I don't remember the last time I actually left this apartment that wasn't a booze run. That should change, right? Sometimes I feel like I can almost hear you fussing at me from heaven. How about we compromise? I still don't want to deal with anybody yet, but I will do some pushups and maybe think about cutting my hair. That's being active, right? It's a start. _

_ July 15th, 2278: I prayed real hard last night and I hope you heard it. I know the job of shoulder angel is probably a downgrade from whatever they've got you doing, but at least you'll stay busy, right? I like the idea of you looking out for me. I should've done a better job looking after you. I'm trying to get better though. I'm not going to live the rest of my life as a coward. It already cost me too much. _

_ July 16th, 2278: Wally's started calling me Lurch. You know how he is. Always thinks he's real fucking funny. But now I  _ _ know _ _ you're looking out for me because I didn't punch him in the face like I wanted. Something was holding me back and even if it wasn't really you, I'm gonna pretend it was. _

"Oh, my God."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from William Wordsworth.
> 
> (I have a cold, so any editing mistakes are entirely it's fault. Sorry.)
> 
> (Also also it's been ages since I dealt with German so if there are mistakes there, I apologize. 👍)


	23. Wise men speak because they have something to say

Butch threw the rubber ball he’d picked up in Rivet City against the wall, watched it bounce up and ricochet off the ceiling, and caught it. He’d lost count somewhere around a hundred. What he really wanted to do was either beat the crap out of somethin’ or drink himself stupid, but he was makin’ an effort here. Tryin’ to be better. Also tryin’ to not stare at the clock obsessively.

Abby read fast but his handwritin’ was kinda shit and always had been so he had no idea how long it was going to take her to burn through the journals that spanned his entire life. He was also tryin’  _ real _ hard to not think about all the times he’d written or drawn extremely inappropriate things about her. He’d kinda made the decision to leave the box on her doorstep in a moment of sheer rage and stupidity and he hadn’t even thought about the actual contents until he came back home, but by then it was too late. Wadsworth had already ferried it inside.

Well, fuck it. This was his ultimate Hail Mary. He was puttin’ everything out there. Just like she’d said people ought to do. Probably goin’ a little overboard with it, but it’s not like he’d ever been real good at moderation, right? Either she would finally pick up what he was layin’ down, or things were about to get real fuckin’ awkward real quick.

Maybe… maybe if things went bad he could always relocate down south somewhere? It might be nice to live in a place where you never had to worry about staying warm during the winter. He’d already heard horror stories of people freezing to death in their little metal shacks and he’d just recently realized that his home didn’t actually come with a heater like Abby’s did. That was probably gonna be a problem a couple of months from now.

He caught the ball one last time and let his arm fall limp against his mattress. No matter what happened, at least he’d given it his best shot, right? Sorta. Probably his _ best _ best shot would have been tellin’ her the truth from the beginning. Not thinkin’ it was funny to talk about her right to her face without her realizing it. Comin’ clean the moment he realized how much distress his lie had caused her. Been a whole heck of a lot braver the whole way.

“I’m an idiot.”

The house was too quiet without the rhythmic thumping, so he started tossing the ball again. Thump, thump, catch. Thump, thump, catch. Thump, thump, catch. A knock on the door distracted him and the next one went thump, thump, pop as it hit him in the forehead.

Butch finally allowed himself a glance at the clock. Just after seven, so five hours. Speed readers, man. Nuts. He got up and opened the door.

Abby stared up at him, clutching a notebook to her chest. “Um…”

He wordlessly stepped back and let her come inside. There wasn’t really much else he could say to her that she hadn’t already read, right? No point. He watched her scurry in and shut the door behind her.

She stood by his coffee table and stared at the floor. “I read them all.”

He nodded, “Okay.”

“Flurry and strawberry don’t really rhyme.”

A snort escaped him. Of course she’d focus on that. “Everybody’s a critic.”

“I um… I had a question.”

“Alright.”

She flipped the notebook she was carrying to the last page and held it up. “What is this?”

Butch stared at the stick figures and shrugged, “That’s you and me.”

“Why do I have wings?”

He sighed, “‘Cause I thought you were Psyche for a long time.”

“Like from that painting?”

“Right.”

“Oh.” She turned it back around and smiled at it. “It’s cute. You were quite the little artist.”

“Thanks.”

“I… Butch, I don’t really know how to…”, she trailed off into nothing and stared at her feet.

He sighed. Here comes the rejection. “How to what?”

“Articulate what I feel.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ve been thinking about you all the time.”

Hope bloomed in his chest and he allowed himself a small smile. “M’hmm.”

“And every time I should have been happy for you lately, I’ve just felt wretched instead.”

“Cause you thought I was goin’ after some other girl?”

“Right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I asked Sarah what a person should do if they had a crush --”

“Oh, Lord.”

“ -- and she said you just had to go through it.”

“Right, right, right. Can’t go around it, gotta go through it.” Now that made sense. Of course she’d go to the wasteland’s other terrifying valkyrie for advice. He was probably lucky his nuts were still intact.

“Then I asked Agatha about it though and she said familiarity kills crushes.”

“Yeah.”

“But you and I have always known each other.”

“Yeah, we have.”

“So if it’s gotten bigger and worse the better I get to know you, then it can’t be a crush, can it?”

“You tell me.”

She took a deep breath, “I… I think I…”

He wasn’t exactly surprised when she dissolved into tears and came over, wrapping his arms around her. “Shh, it’s alright. You don’t gotta rush it. I’ve been thinkin’ about it pretty much since the first day we met and I’m just now able to get it out there, so…”

“No, that’s not it!”

“Okay, okay. Just breathe, alright?” He rolled his eyes when she shook her head against his chest. “Yeah, no, you gotta breathe, baby. That’s one of them nonnegotiable facts of life right there.”

“I can’t be the girl.” Her voice broke over the words.

“Why not?”

She shook her head again, “You wouldn’t understand.”

The fact that she hadn’t immediately rattled off some ridiculous, trifling answer meant it might actually be something big. He didn’t even know what it was yet, but he was already ready to fight it. “Try me.”

“I’m not…”

“Not what?”

“I’m not a girl.”

The words sounded so absurd falling out of her mouth in that little chirpy voice as he literally held her soft, deliciously squishy body against his that it took his brain a moment to actually process them.

“You’re…  _ not? _ You’re not a girl? That’s what you’re tellin’ me right now?” He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Uh, I dunno a nice way to say this, kitten, but I’m kind of an expert on girls and I’ve seen you in your panties more than once, so uh…”

“No, not… I mean inside. In my head and… and my heart, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He mulled it over for a moment, “So… are you a guy?”

“No, I don’t think so.” The sniffling had died off but now she just sounded miserable. “I don’t think I’m anything, actually.”

An amused snort left him and he had to clap a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing in her face.

“You don’t have to laugh about it!”

“No! No, I ain’t… shit. No. It’s just… Mac once said you were like an alien stuffed into a person suit and sent to earth so, I dunno, I just imagined maybe they fucked up and put you in the wrong suit or somethin’.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it was funnier in my head.”

“No, it’s funny out loud, too.”

“It was  _ way _ funnier in my head. I promise.”

“Okay.”

He sighed, “Is that the only thing standing between you and me right now?”

“It’s kind of a big thing, Butch.”

“I don’t think it is. So what if you’re not a girl? That’s fine. Growin’ up, I always thought you were an angel and they’re supposed to be undefined or somethin’, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, there you go. Turns out I was right all along, huh?” He held her tightly and smiled against her hair. “It doesn’t matter if I can call you my girl or not. I just wanna call you mine.”

“But you’ve only ever been attracted to girls.”

“I’ve actually only ever been attracted to _ you, _ thank you very much.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Okay, look. I definitely like everything you’ve got goin’ on, alright? Like, if you opened up a dictionary and looked up classy chassis, a picture of your body is probably right next to it.”

“I don’t think classy chassis is even in the dictionary.”

“But, what I’m really into is  _ this --”, _ he patted her head. “See? This big brain of yours. Everything else is temporary anyway, right? But who you are? That’s forever, and that’s what I’m into. You could slap yourself into one of them robobrains and I’d suddenly be some degenerate wantin’ to fuck a robot, okay? My heart goes where your brain is. The end.”

“The end?”

“The end. So are you done tryin’ to run this off the rails or what?”

“I’m not… you’re making it sound like I’m just being difficult!”

“You kinda are.”

“I am not!”

“I’m pretty sure you are.” He laughed at her irritated grumbling, “So do you still hate me forever?”

Abby shook her head, “I can’t stay mad at you like I used to.”

“Ah, so it’s definitely love then.”

“Hmm.”

“Wanna make out on the couch for a while?” Her embarrassed little squeak had him laughing again and he nodded, “Alright, I think I’m just gonna take that as a yes.”

She was pretty sure her whole body was on fire by now and the next thing she knew, she was sitting on his lap. They were actually eye to eye in this position and she immediately ducked her head. “Butch?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to have sex now?” When he went completely still and quiet under her she peeked up at him. He was staring at her with wide, shocked eyes and she frowned. “What?”

“The fuck did you just ask me?”

“I… I just um... “ She shrugged when no simpler way to phrase it came to mind. “Are we going to have sex now?”

“No!”

“Oh.”

“Jesus. Angel, sweetheart, no.”

“I thought you wanted to.”

“I  _ do.” _

“Then why aren’t we --”

“You aren’t ready yet. You’re nowhere near ready.”

She frowned harder, “I feel pretty ready.”

“Well, you’re not. You need at least… one, no.  _ Two _ weeks. Two weeks is as accelerated a course as I can make it.”

“What?”

“We’ve got dates to go on, and you’ve got a bunch of things to learn.”

“Uh…”

“Just trust me on this, okay? I know what I’m talkin’ about.”

“Okay.”

“Anyway, I kinda got the feeling like you aren’t exactly comfortable in your own skin all the time, right?”

“Sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, so we definitely need to go slow cause you’re the first… not-a-girl I’ve ever been with, y’know. It’s new territory for both of us.”

“Oh.”

“M’hmm… that’s not to say we aren’t gonna have some fun in the learnin’ or anything.”

“Well… I do like learning.”

“Yup, I know.”

“So do you have a syllabus prepared or anything, Professor?”

He grinned at her, “Oh,  _ professor. _ I like that. I don’t really have anything as formal as all that but I do have a rough schedule of things in my head that I’ve been workin’ on for almost a decade, so… I feel pretty prepared here.”

“Any recommended reading I should be doing?”

“Heh. It’s more a hands on course.”

“Hmm. They do say the best way to learn is by doing.”

“Exactly. How do you feel about us havin’ a date tomorrow night?”

“You mean a real one?”

“Yup.”

“I’d love that.”

“Okay, well, we’re on for tomorrow night then. I’ll pick you up at your place at seven.”

She chewed her lip and wiggled a little closer, “What are we going to do tonight then?”

“First… I gotta apologize for some stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like, I’m sorry for the lying and all.”

“Oh.”

“And I’m really sorry for whatever the hell I did to you in 106. I had no fuckin’ clue that I’d --”

“No, it’s alright. I uh, I knew someone had touched me. I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to freak out, too, but… I’m actually kind of relieved knowing it was you. You’re the only person I’d ever want touching me like that so… it’s okay.” She made a face, “Kinda explains a lot of dreams I’ve been having lately.”

“So that wasn’t bullshit? You really dream about me every night?”

She nodded, “I have for a long time but they got a little… out of hand in the last week.”

“Hmm. You’re crushin’ on me so hard you don’t even know what to do, huh?”

Abby pouted at him and his smug face, “Mean.”

“Ha."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

"Nah, I definitely deserved it."

"Maybe, but I still shouldn't have yelled."

"I actually kinda like it when you yell at me."

"What? Why?"

"Makes me feel nostalgic."

"Oh, ha ha."

"You um… you weren't really gonna run away to California without me, were you?"

She took a deep breath and set her forehead on his shoulder. Daddy had always said honesty was important in a relationship, but he'd never mentioned how hard it could be when you didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. "I didn't want to but I was starting to feel like I had to."

"Why?" His arms tightened around her like he thought she was about to bolt for the west coast right this second.

"Well… I really wanted you to be happy. So, I thought maybe I could help you get with your person, but then just thinking about you with someone else made me feel crazy and awful and I knew I probably wouldn't be able to be a very good friend to you if I stayed so… I just thought it was for the best."

"Jesus."

"I know. I'm sorry. I promised you that I wouldn't run away anymore and... I'm sorry. I just couldn't get over it."

"No, I'm… I'm not mad at you or anything. I'm mad at _me._ I knew I'd fucked up but I didn't realize… shit, Abby, if I ever lost you again I'd lose my goddamn mind.

"It was selfish."

"It wasn't selfish, baby. That's just what love does to you sometimes."

"Oh."

"You've never been jealous before, huh?"

"I guess not."

"Well, I have. Compared to me, you're still a saint. At least you wanted to help me. The whole time we were growin' up, I was jealous of everybody you ever looked at and it made me act like an asshole. And I'm not much better now, to be honest. Not on the inside anyway. I don’t even like Mac hangin’ off you and he’s a baby.”

“He just needs a lot of physical affection.”

“Uh-huh. Sure he does.”

The longer she sat here, the calmer she felt. Butch was like some kind of weird stress sink that could just absorb all of her anxiety. She snuggled against him and sighed, “Can we just stay like this for a while?”

“I’m kinda hopin’ for all our lives, but yeah, a while’s a start.”

“You wrote some really nice things about me.”

“Well, you’re nice to write about.”

“I liked all your poems. Even the ones that didn’t rhyme.”

“Hey, not all poetry has to rhyme, y’know.”

“I know… I can’t believe you actually took my corsage from prom.”

“Oh, uh… well, I mean, you’d forgotten it so --”

“I spent _hours_ looking for that. Daddy wanted to put it in this keepsake box with my gloves and --”

“You didn’t wear gloves to prom.”

“No, but I had them. It’s just like I didn’t wear the stockings, either, but Daddy bought them anyway.”

“You didn’t?”

“No, I hate stockings. It feels like sausage casing for your legs.”

“Is that why you don’t wear bras anymore?”

“Actually, yes. They’re uncomfortable and there's no dress code out here so why bother?”

“Hmm. I was wonderin’ if it was that or if it was that you just don’t like having girl parts or whatever.”

“Sometimes I don’t. Most times I just forget that they’re there until they get in the way.”

“Huh. Was it the same thing for your hair?”

“What?”

“Did you want it short because it was too girly before?”

“Oh… I dunno. Maybe? It definitely got in the way more often than not. It never really bothered me in the vault because I could braid it or whatever and never have to deal with it, but out here is different.”

“Right.”

She sat up and fluffed her curls a bit. “Maybe that was part of it, though. I haven’t really figured out how to… uh…”

“Express yourself.”

“Right. How to express myself yet.”

“Hmm.” He held her face in his hands and tilted her head this way and that. “I kinda got some ideas.”

“You do?”

“M’hmm. I think an undercut would look good on you. Maybe keep it a little long up top and in the front. High in the back. Asymmetrical bob. You’d look badass.”

“You wouldn’t care if it were shorter?”

“Why would I care?”   


“I don’t know. You’ve always seemed weirdly invested in my hair.”

“Oh. Well… that’s ‘cause a part of me will probably always think of it as  _ my _ hair, you see. I’ve thought of you as mine for my whole life, so…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well… if you think it would look nice, then I trust you.”

He smiled at her and rested his forehead against hers, “That’s all I ever wanted.”

Abby smiled back and closed her eyes. “And I love you.”

Butch kissed her gently, “I love you, too.”

She waited for more and pouted when it didn’t happen, “Are you  _ sure _ we aren’t going to have sex now?”

“Abigail Catherine Lane.”

“Ugh, not the full name.”

“You need to learn a little patience, missy.”

“But --”

“And you need to stop callin’ it sex. What we’re gonna be doin’ is way more than that, alright?”

She gave him a flat look before rolling her eyes, “Okay, fine. Making love, then.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“It is not.”

“Is, too!”   


“Is not!”

“Is --”

“Hey! Who’s the expert here, huh?”

Couldn’t very well argue with that. “Alright, fine.”

“Oh, did I just win an argument?!”

“We weren’t really arguing.”

“Are you about to try to argue that we weren’t arguing just so you don’t have to admit I won an argument.”

She narrowed her eyes at his happy grin. If she didn’t nip this behavior in the bud, she could definitely see the rest of her life spent in silly squabbles and pointless debates on semantics just because it amused him. “No, I’m not.”

“Aw. I kinda like it when --”

Abby cut him off mid-pout with a kiss and smiled against his mouth when he was surprised enough to be completely immobilized. “There. Argument's over.”

He blinked a few times and then scowled. “Oh, that ain’t fair.”

“It seems pretty fair from my end.”

“Well, yeah, you would think that!” He made a face at her self-satisfied smug smile.

Still wanted to squabble. Well, that was fine. She knew one topic he’d never try to argue with her over at least. “I like kissing you.”

His whole face changed, a soft, quiet smile emerging that she absolutely adored. “You do?”

“M’hmm. I’ve always liked it.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Even back in the vault?”

“Um… well, that first time, you really caught me off guard.”

“Right.”

“I didn’t really know how to respond after, but I definitely liked it while it was happening.”

He chuckled, “Okay.”

“The second time, I really liked it.”

“Me, too.”

“And… um, well, it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Oh, come on. I let you read every inner thought I’ve had my whole damn life. There’s nothin’ more embarrassing than that.”

“Well… the day after prom?”

“Yeah?”

“I kind of… went looking for you.”

His mouth gaped open, “What?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know why but I really wanted to see you again.” She shrugged, “I told myself at the time that I just wanted to thank you again for helping me, but I’m… well, you said it. I lie to myself a lot, I guess.”

“So what’d you really want?”

“I think maybe way down deep, I was hoping you’d kiss me again. Or that you’d want to, at least.”

“I’ve always wanted to kiss you, angel. There hasn’t been a second of my life that I didn’t.”

“You were kissing Susie though. In the cafeteria. A lot of my dreams have been about that, except it was me instead of her.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry.” He shook his head and sighed, “To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much about the weeks after prom. I was drinkin’ a lot back then. It felt like every time I turned around, Susie was there and I couldn’t cope with it, so I just tried to drown everything I was feeling. I thought I’d really fucked up with you that night. That I’d ruined all that time I spent tryin’ to get you to see me as a friend. So I just kinda… I dunno. Imploded, I guess. That’s what I always did.”

“Oh.”

“I do remember about a month after when I ran into you in the hallway and we got into an argument about which was the better movie monster --”

_ “The Creature from the Black Lagoon _ or the alien from  _ The Thing From Another World.” _

He laughed, “Yeah.”

“The alien is objectively worse because it’s an alien and there could be billions of them out there in space.”

“No, the creature’s worse because it’s homegrown!” He grinned at her dubious frown. “I’d never felt so relieved in my life as I did when you were standin’ there explainin’ all the ways exobiology could devastate the planet. I was so glad you were still willin’ to talk to me. That’s probably kinda pathetic though, right? All the times I started shit with you just so you’d pay attention to me. Even if it was just yellin’ or whatever.” He sighed, “You probably don’t have a single memory of anything good between us all the way up until we were grown, huh?”

“No, that isn’t true.”

“What?”

“I have two good memories of you from when we were children.”

“You do?”

“M’hmm. I can remember once when we were in preschool and Wally pushed me down. You came over and told me if I stopped crying, you’d show me a magic trick.”

“I did?”

“Yup.”

“What was the trick?”

“You pulled a cookie out from behind my ear. I’m pretty sure you stole it from Wally.”

“I don’t remember that at all.”

“I thought you had real magic for the longest time after that.” She laughed, “That’s silly, isn’t it? Kids can be so silly. I followed you around a lot hoping you’d magic me up another cookie.”

“Wait, you did? Seriously?”

She nodded, “Yes. You don’t remember me constantly being right behind you for like, a month? I think I was almost four and you’d just turned five.”

“I… I just kinda thought I was really lucky for a while there.”

“Nope. That was me stalking you.”

“Ha, wow, that’s… huh.”

“And then once when we were in second grade. We were doing science and I was upset because I couldn’t get my formula to change color like it was supposed to. I’d never had something not work before and I was kind of freaking out. You and Paulie were at the table next to mine and Amata’s and you asked me what was wrong and I told you. Then I went to go get the teacher even though I was mortified and I heard this shout and when I turned around, you guys had done… something. I don’t even know, but there was foam and smoke everywhere and we all had to evacuate the classroom. At the time, I thought you were just being a jerk and messing around, but the next class, when I finally got it to work, you seemed really happy for me and I realized you’d done that on purpose so I’d have a second chance. I thought it was really nice and I wanted to tell you so, but when I came over, you were surrounded by your friends, so you just made fun of me like normal and I walked away instead of thanking you.”

“That one I do remember. I felt like I had to do somethin’. You were shakin’ like a leaf at the idea of gettin’ a B.”

“Is that why you destroyed my home ec project that one year, too?”

“That thing that definitely was  _ not _ a cake? Yeah. I knew if Mrs. Park tasted it, she’d flunk you for sure.”   


“Well… thank you for that, then.”

He scrunched up his nose, “Nah, don’t… that’s not a thing to thank somebody for. If I’d been even half a man back then, I’d have just helped you when I saw you dumping all that baking soda into the batter, but I didn’t want anybody knowin’ I could cook, so…” He shrugged. “It was dumb. I was dumb.”

“You were a kid, Butch. You need to let that stuff go.”

“Yeah, well… it’s hard to.”

“I know… I really like that you can cook.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm. I know I kind of brushed you off when we talked about it, but I wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to try to teach me someday.”

“I could do that.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He grinned, “That’s a pretty solid second date idea right there, actually.”

“Second date?”

“Yup.”

“How many dates are we doing to go on?”

“Ideally? Infinite.”

She laughed, “That sounds pretty good to me.”

“Awesome… and hey, listen, I know this is probably gonna come off as the most hypocritical thing anybody has ever said to you, but from everything I read, it’s really, really important that we’re honest with each other, okay?”

“Okay.”

“So if I ever do somethin’ stupid or that you don’t like, tell me.”

“I will… and you tell me, too, if I’m being unreasonable or silly or whatever.”

“I will. Also, it’s important that you tell me stuff you like, okay? Especially in these next couple of weeks.”

“Stuff I like?”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to just list --”

“No, I mean… when we’re doin’ stuff, you gotta speak up, okay?”

Heat flooded into her face and she whined a little, “But that’s gonna be so embarrassing.”

“Heh. See? This is why we have to take two weeks. You gotta learn how to be comfortable with yourself and me before we can get to the main event or everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

She sighed, “Okay, fine.”

“It won’t be that hard. I’m not lookin’ for a five page essay on shit. I don’t even need why you like a thing, just tell me if you do.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Also, if you  _ don’t _ like a thing,  _ definitely _ speak up.”

She nodded, “Right.”

“In my experience, for some reason, it’s harder for people to say they don’t like a thing.”

“That’s silly.”

He shrugged, “Well, hopefully, we won’t have that problem. See, the idea is we’re gonna find common ground between us. Stuff we both like to do. Then we can do those things and it’ll be great.”

“What if I don’t like a thing that you do like?”

“Then we don’t worry about that thing and move on.”

Abby scowled, “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“Well, there might be stuff you like that I don’t, and we’ll move on from that, too. It’s no big deal.”

“Hmm. What kind of stuff do you like?”

He grinned, “All of it.”

“That’s not very helpful.”

“Alright, alright. Fine. I guess I should lead by example, me bein’ the professor and all.”

“Exactly.”

“Well… take right now, for instance. I really like sittin’ here with you cuddled up against me.”

“You do?”

“Yup. I could do this all day.”

“I like it, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm. Being… um…” Dammit, it was already embarrassing. She hid her face against his neck and huffed a little, “Being close to you makes me feel better.”

“Really?”

“M’hmm.” His hand had started rubbing little circles on her back and that was even nicer. Abby hummed happily and relaxed further. “I like that, too.”

“Well, that works out great because I like touching you. A lot. All the time, actually. If I could somehow keep at least one hand on your person at all times, I could die a happy man.”

She giggled at the very idea. “That would make it hard to do a lot of things.”

“Heh. You make it hard all the time.”

Somehow even more heat flooded into her face, “Um… I have to tell you something. Something bad that I did.”

“You’ve never done anything bad in your whole damn life and you know it.”

“No, I really did.”

“Pfft.”

“Butch, please, listen, I --”

“Is it what happened at the Citadel?”

“Y-you know about that?”

“M’hmm. You already told me after you took all that Calmex.”

“Oh, my God. I’m so sorry!”

“No, no, no, it’s alright. It really is. There’s nothin’ to forgive there.”

“I’m so embarrassed.”

“No need to be. You um…” He cleared his throat a little, “You actually showed me what happened.”

Abby abruptly sat up and stared at him, “What?”   


“Yeah. That Calmex shit makes you act… a little nutty, to be honest. In big doses, anyway.”

“I showed you?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, my God!”

“It was a uh… a very  _ thorough _ demonstration.”

“Oh,  _ God.” _ Her forehead hit his shoulder with a thump.

He chuckled, “You’re so cute when you get all shy and shit.”

“Please shut up.”

“Anyway, I learned a lot… like…” His hands slipped down to her ass and squeezed. “You like things a little rougher than I’d always thought you would.”

A quiet whimper left her as that distracting, wet heat settled between her legs. “Butch…”

“I dunno why I always assumed you’d require delicate handlin’. I guess because you’re little and I always kinda feel like a giant next to you. But it’s nice to know that I’m probably not gonna actually hurt you or anything in the heat of the moment.”

“M’hmm.” Did he realize the way he was kneading her was making the seam in her jean shorts rub against her? Or was that just a happy accident?

“I also learned you’re really sensitive. Just the littlest thing can get you goin’. That’s also good to know.”

“O-okay…  _ ah.” _ She gasped when his lips brushed against her neck and goosebumps raced down her arms and legs. “Oh, God.”

“See?”

Abby squeezed her eyes shut, “M’hmm.”

He whispered in her ear, “Remember, baby, you gotta tell me when you like somethin’.”

“I… I like everything so far.”

There was something in the low, soft way he laughed that had her wanting to squirm in his lap. “Good.” His lips settled over the pulse in her neck and he lightly sucked on it as a hand slipped under her shirt. “Your skin is so soft. I dunno how you’re doin’ that.”

Words were getting harder again. She could barely even remember that she was supposed to be self-conscious here. “I really like it when you touch me.” The sentence just fell out of her mouth without her prior approval and she would have wanted to die immediately after if it hadn’t been for the way she was instantly rewarded by Butch pushing her firmly against his lap while he ground against her.

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm.” The spiraling feeling from all those dreams was back only it was so much better now. With his hands on her and his warm breath on her neck, it was all she could do to not tear her clothes off and beg him to ravish her.

His hand slowly drifted around her waist and up her ribcage, stopping just shy of her breast. “Is it alright if I keep goin’?” She nodded and he chuckled again, “Gotta use your words.”

“Yes.”

“There you go.” He cupped her breast and groaned as his thumb brushed across her pebbled nipple. “God, you feel so good, angel.”

An uncontrollable trembling had started in her thighs and seemed to radiate outward. She wanted more pressure or momentum or something but putting that into words seemed out of reach at the moment. Leaning back a little helped, especially when his hand moved to the small of her back to pull her closer. Of course, that meant he could see her face though, and she definitely wasn’t ready for that. Abby tipped her head up and closed her eyes, focusing on the rising tension building in her and unconsciously rocking against his lap.

His lips trailed down her throat and sent little electric shivers up her spine as he went. Just the lightest scraping of teeth against her collarbone and she felt him push her top out of the way, a gasp leaving her when he covered her nipple with his mouth. His tongue swirling around the tender bud while he sucked gently. She urgently writhed against him, trying to find the perfect angle that would tip her over but she couldn’t. Not on her own.

Abby tugged at his hair to get his attention. His eyes opened and focused in a hazy sort of way on her face. It didn’t even occur to her to be ashamed of the desperation in her voice when she spoke. “Butch, please.”

He surged up to kiss her, his tongue meeting hers before she even realized what was happening. She clung to him as he twisted and pinned her down against the couch. Their hips met and this time the pressure was perfect. Abby’s legs wrapped around his waist as he ground against her, slow and hard. She was breathing too fast for kissing anymore and realized he was staring at her when her head fell back, but she couldn’t look away. No one had ever looked at her the way he was. Eyes all dark and hungry, his face flushed at least as much as hers.

“Better?”   


She nodded, “Better.”

“Tell me what you need.”

She could actually feel him pulse against her through their pants and she shuddered as her body ached to be filled in response. Right on the edge. “Faster?”

His hips rolled against hers. “Gonna come for me, baby?”

Her hands slipped under his shirt and traced along the muscles moving under her fingertips. She wanted to answer him but the air seemed locked in her lungs and all she could get out of her mouth were a few whimpering cries as the tension finally snapped and she came. Her nails dug into his skin and she all but sobbed in relief as it washed over her. Butch kept moving for a few seconds after before shuddering in her arms as a muted sort of growl left him.

They laid together in silence for a few minutes, just the sound of their heavy breathing filling the small house. Abby was surprised at how sleepy she suddenly felt. Sleepy and safe, like there was nothing in the wasteland that could ever touch her so long as he was here.

Butch finally roused himself enough to raise his head and smiled softly at her, “Hey.”

The embarrassment was back. Not as bad as before, but still pretty awful. Abby swallowed and nodded. “Hey.”

“I uh… I think we may have to amend our class schedule.”

“What?”

“One week. Not two.”

“Oh.”

“I can’t survive two.”

She giggled, “Okay.”

“Did it feel good?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“We don't have to move for a while, right?”

He grinned, “I knew you’d be a cuddler.”

“Is that bad?”   


“No, it’s perfect.” His arms wrapped around her and he shifted them both so he was laying under her. He held her tightly and sighed happily as her head settled against his chest. “This is perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from a quote by Plato: "Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something."


	24. No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars

Abby stared at her admittedly limited wardrobe strewn throughout her room and sighed. Clothing choices hadn’t ever been an issue back when she lived in the vault. She either wore her Vault-Tec approved work uniform, a vaultsuit, or Daddy picked out something nice for whatever function she was being forced to attend. Here in the wastes, it was, sensibly, functionality over fashion. Or at least, that’s what she’d always told herself.

Six pairs of jeans. Three pairs of shorts in various states of rattiness. Nine tank tops in two colors (black and what passed for white with most people). More armor than she could shake a stick at, of course, not that any of it was going to do her any good today. She hadn’t bothered rifling through her winter things. They wouldn’t be any help here.

What on earth did one wear on a date nowadays?

“Doctor Lane?”

“Hmm?”

“I found that button down blouse.”

“Oh, great! Thanks.” She went to the door to retrieve it, hoping by some miracle that it had somehow transformed into something _nice,_ but no. It was still the same sky blue blood spattered shirt it had always been. It had been so pretty when she'd first taken it off that mannequin downtown. Unfortunately, it had only remained pristine for about a block. Then she and Charon had run into a nasty crew of super mutants and that was that. She sighed heavily and tossed it on the bed. “Fantastic.”

“Is something the matter?”

“I… don’t have anything to wear.”

“Really?” He swiveled an eyestalk into her room. “It would certainly appear otherwise.”

“Okay, I don’t have anything  _ appropriate _ to wear.”

“Ah. I see. A classic conundrum.”

“Hmm.”

“What is the occasion?”

“A…” Why was this so embarrassing to even admit to? He was her Mister Handy for goodness sake. “A date.”

“A  _ date?” _

She inwardly groaned, “Yes.”

“With our Mister DeLoria?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“If I may?”

“Go ahead.”

“Mister DeLoria has seen you many, many times over. Both in various states of dress and undress.”

“M’hmm.”

“And since your date is no doubt here, in Megaton, I highly doubt there’s some dress code you’ll need to meet. From where I'm hovering, you are no doubt the best dressed person in town simply by virtue of your unparalleled cleanliness standards.”

“Right. You can't always be fashionable, but you can always be tidy.”

“Truer words were never spoken. So why not simply wear something that you’ll be comfortable in?”

“Because… nothing seems comfortable right now.”

“Oh.”

“I guess… maybe  _ I’m _ not comfortable is the problem.”

“First date jitters.”

“Something like that.”

“Hmm… perhaps a stop to Craterside Supply is in order?”

“You think?”

“You’ll at least have more options.”

“That’s true.” She glanced at her Pipboy. “I do still have time… alright. Thanks, Waddy.”

“Of course. Good luck, Doctor.”

“Thanks.”

She quickly stuffed everything back into her filing cabinet and headed out. Talking about this with Moira would be fine, right? She was a bit scatterbrained, but the woman  _ was _ a scientist. Surely she wouldn’t be silly about it. It’s not like she was going to talk to Nova, who’d probably turn this all into some big  _ thing. _

Of course, it  _ was _ a big thing, but she didn’t need attention brought to the fact.

Abby entered the general store and froze as Mariano glared at her. “H-hi.”

His eyebrow quirked up a bit but other than that, all he did was light a cigarette and go back to spacing out. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Moira’s merc turned store security guard wouldn’t care about her personal life. He probably still didn’t even know her name at this point. She quietly shut the door behind her and hurried over to the counter.

Moira turned from whatever her latest experiment was and beamed brightly. “Well, hello there, sweetie!”

“Hi.”

“You here for a job? Or is this about the greenhouse?” She scowled and planted a hand on her hip. “You know, I still haven’t gotten any new glass in! It’s completely ridiculous!”

“Uh, no… actually I was wondering if you’d gotten any new clothing in.”

“New clothes?” She blinked at her, “You never buy clothes.”

“Uh, well, I --”

"You  _ never buy clothes. _ You always scavenge! You said so yourself. Waste not, want not. I remember like it was --" She gasped, “Oh, my goodness! Is this about your date?!”

Abby winced, “How did you --”

“Your man was here earlier buying… well, I won’t say. I promised I wouldn’t ruin the surprise!”

“O-oh.”

“Wow. Your very first date.” She set her elbows on the counter and grinned, “True love, huh? Ain't it somethin'?”

“Uh…”

“It’s miraculous, you know? So rare and precious. Like a meteorite or an unbroken pre-war champagne glass! It's very existence is something you can’t even quantify through science.”

“Right.”

“I was just telling Mariano how unique and wonderful a relationship like that can be! He was quite touched!”

She glanced over her shoulder and felt her face go hot at the smirk on his otherwise inscrutable face. “Uh-huh.”

“So! You need a new, cute outfit! Hmm…”

“Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I can just find something at home for --”

“Oh, no, no, no! I know the kinda stuff you usually bop around in! That’s not gonna do it!”

“It’s not?”

“Heavens no! You want to really wow him, right? Knock his socks right off his feet!”

“I… guess?”

“Well, we can definitely set you up with --  _ oh!” _

The bell over the door rang out as it opened and Abby wanted to absolutely disappear off the face of the earth entirely when Nova strutted in.

“Oh! This is  _ perfect!  _ Nova! Abby  _ desperately _ needs our help!”

“Oh, God.”

“Yeah?” She came over and grinned at her, “Is this about your date tonight, cutie pie?”

“Oh,  _ God.” _ Did everyone in Megaton know already? She set her head on the counter and pretended to be suddenly devoid of all senses. It's not like it mattered anyway. Her input was clearly no longer a factor here.

“Hmm. I’m thinking… that satin number you got in last week, Moira.”

“Oh! Oh, that’s perfect!”

“With that men’s shirt over it.”

“Yes!”

“And hmm…” She leaned back from the counter and stared at Abby’s ass for a minute. “The black linen shorts.”

“Oh, gosh! Abby, you’re gonna look amazing!”

“Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.”

Somehow, and not entirely of her own free will, Abby found herself out fifteen caps for an outfit she was pretty sure she’d never wear beyond this one time. She drew the line at the eye makeup Nova kept insisting she just absolutely, positively  _ had _ to have. The lipstick was already a stretch.

It wasn’t their fault. They had no way of knowing how incredibly uncomfortable all this stuff made her. They were just trying to be good, helpful friends. And she  _ did _ really want to look nice when seven rolled around and this exercise in terror began.

She’d never been on a date before but she’d seen people on them. Butch had been on more than she could even count and all with girls who slid quite easily into the role. She not only had no idea what the hell she was doing, she wasn’t even a girl to begin with. Also, she hadn’t even seen him since the night before and she was still more than a little embarrassed over all that here in the harsh light of day.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Did they really need to go on actual dates? Couldn’t they just hang out like they’d always done? She sighed defeatedly and tugged down on her new shorts. This seemed really important to him. She needed to make an effort here. At least half the effort he was making if Moira and Nova’s hushed whispers and knowing looks were to be believed. He’d apparently been working hard on this all damn day. The least she could do was dress the part.

At least they’d given her layers. That was… something. Not that anyone with sense would possibly count the black camisole that peeked out from her shirt as a layer. It was so thin she probably could have read a newspaper through it. Cut for someone obviously far better endowed than she was. The low v in the front plunged below her breasts and had it not been for the lace edging, everything would have been on display. Nova had assured her that was a good thing, but she still felt uncomfortable. Her shorts weren't much better. Sure, they were breezy and cool, even if the ancient linen was pilled and faded. But they were also so short they may as well have been panties. Even the girls at Dukov's were at least covered to their midthigh. This was all just a little too much for her.

She tugged on her boots and trudged into the bathroom to carefully apply her new lipstick in the mirror. It felt silly just holding the thing. A big, stupid crayon to draw on her face. The red was so bright that it reminded her of a Nuka Cola machine. She felt like a clown.

In truth, the only part of her outfit she’d even picked out was the green ribbon in her hair.  _ That _ she was okay with. Plus, she was absolutely positive Butch would like it, unlike everything else she was wearing. His journals had always commented on whatever ribbon or barrette she’d been wearing on any given day. She had no idea why but they did.

There was a knock on the door and she nearly jumped out of her skin, but at least it got her eyes off her reflection. Wadsworth answered and she was sure she wasn’t imagining the gleeful tone in his voice when he called for her.

“I’ll be right down!”

Oh, God, it was happening. Why’d she answer? She could have pretended she’d fallen asleep or poofed out of existence or…

No. No, this was stupid. She was being a ninny. There was no reason to be as nervous now as she'd been when they'd activated Liberty Prime and taken on the Enclave. Nobody was going to  _ die _ if the evening didn't go smoothly. Abby squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and threw open the door. She could do this. It would be fine. It would all be just fine.

The first few steps were hard. She had to dig her fingernails into her palms to ground herself and not give in to the impulse to flee. Butch stood at the bottom of the stairs grinning up at her like he always did and she found herself smiling back. The way his eyes lit up as they flitted over her helped her nerves a bit, though a whole new kind of anxiousness immediately swooped in. More manageable though. Energetic butterflies rather than the heavy dread of the day.

“Wow. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. You do, too. Look handsome, I mean. You look handsome. You always look handsome though, I don’t… I don’t have a word for uh...”

“Thanks.”

“M’hmm.”

“Are you gonna come down here or do I gotta come get you?”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, I… yeah.” She somehow managed to navigate the stairs without falling flat on her face, but the closer she got to him, the less eye contact she was able to manage. The urge to babble hysterically about nothing was nearly impossible to resist so she kept her mouth firmly shut just in case. By the time she reached the landing, all she could do was stare at his boots.

His shiny, shiny boots.

They seemed a lot shinier than usual, actually. Had he spiffed them up just for her? Or were they new? Her head tilted a little as she studied what she could see of him. His jeans didn’t look as ragged at the cuffs as they usually did. So those were definitely new. Had he maybe gone through the same weird panic she’d experienced over what to wear? Was that possible?

“I got you these.”

She smiled at the bouquet of carrot flowers he pulled out from behind his back. It was so old-fashioned and sweet of him to bring them. “Thank you.” Their fingers barely brushed against each other as he passed them over and she shivered. “They’re lovely.”

“You’re nervous, huh?”

Her first impulse was to deny it, but they’d promised to be honest with each other so she just sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Me, too.”

“You are?” She stared up at him and found an inordinate amount of comfort in the half smile he gave her.

“Yeah, I mean… a lot’s ridin’ on tonight, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno, I just… I don’t wanna fuck this up. I’m  _ really _ good at fuckin’ shit up. Important shit, anyway. Kinda feel like I'm fightin' fate here.”

“Oh.” She gave her flowers to Wadsworth who came over with a vase in his grabber and immediately regretted it as she now had nothing to do with her hands. They got awkwardly shoved into her pockets and she shrugged, “You can’t mess this up.”

“Oh, ye of little faith.”

She laughed, “No, I mean… you can’t mess _us_ up.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Hmm. Well, that’s good to know.” He reached out and ran a finger along the ribbon in her hair. “So… who was playin’ dress up with you?”

Of course he’d realize she hadn’t dressed herself. Now she felt even sillier than before. Abby made a face, “Moira and Nova.”

“Well, they did a hell of a job.”

She fidgeted with the knot tied in the front of her shirt. “You think so?”

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“I don’t really know if it’s me.”

He chuckled, “Oh, it’s not, but… you kinda look like a present I get to unwrap later.”

Heat rushed into her face and she ducked her head. “O-oh.”

“M’hmm. Course, I was gonna do that anyway, no matter what you wore.” He grabbed her hand before she could even begin to formulate a response to that and led her out the door. “Come on. I got a special picnic all set up for us.”

She was still pretty stuck on the whole unwrapping thing. Part of her kind of wanted to ask if they could just skip ahead to that part but he would probably say no. She was still kind of mortified that she’d thought they were really going to do it the night before. Not that what they’d done hadn’t been very nice or anything. She just didn’t understand why he was so hung up on doing things the way he was. There must be a method to the madness though.

“Alright, we just gotta climb up a little bit.”

Abby blinked and realized they were at the hidden ladder by the front gate. “Oh. Oh, no, we aren’t allowed up there. That’s Stockholm’s perch.”

“Yeah, I know. You would not believe how much I had to bribe him to take a couple of hours off. Guy is  _ dedicated.” _ He waved her on. “Come on. Time’s a-wastin’.”

“You bribed him?”

“Just climb the ladder, sweetheart.”

“Okay.” She still felt like they were committing a crime of some sort, but she headed up anyway. It wasn’t until she was about halfway that she thought to look down and caught him staring. “What are you looking at, exactly?”

He gave her a sheepish grin, “Aw, come on. You’re really gonna make me say it?”

She didn’t know how to answer that so she just kept climbing. It still felt weird to have anyone be sexually attracted to her. Butch had said he was mostly into her mind, which to be honest, she was a lot more comfortable with than him being into her physical form, but clearly he was into that, too. Thinking about it made her even more self-conscious than she already was.

In the moment, when he was touching her or whatever, it was fine. She couldn’t really think in those moments, she just felt. But watching him watch her with such open and obvious interest made her so  _ aware _ that she existed in a body that she didn’t always agree with. Especially since thus far he seemed most interested in the parts of her that were blatantly feminine. It kind of had her wondering if he really understood how detached from all that she actually was or not.

Abby finally reached the top and stood awkwardly to the side while he finished his climb. He’d set up a blanket and picnic basket for them just like that one time at the Citadel and the view was lovely. She just felt miserable though. Going through the motions of social convention was something she’d really hoped she’d never have to deal with again after she left the vault.

“Look at that sky, huh?” He pointed westward, “Gonna be a hell of a sunset.”

She nodded, “Yeah.”

He sat and let his legs dangle over the edge, waiting to speak until she sat next to him. “You really hate this, don’t you?”

Her eyes flew to his and then back to the horizon, “N-no, I --”

“Truth, baby.”

She shook her head, “I’m sorry. I’m just… so uncomfortable right now.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t understand why we have to do any of this.”

“Any of what?”   


“Dating!”

“Oh.”

“What’s the point? I want to be with you and you said you want to be with me --”

“I do.”

“-- so why can’t we just do that?!”

Butch sighed and took her hand, “I just wanna do right by you.”

“What does that even mean?!”

He chuckled, “It means… our whole lives, I’ve been screwin’ up with you. Every damn day. I always had these big plans where you were concerned, y’know? But somehow they never worked out. I always got in my own way and fucked it all up.” He shrugged, “I was hopin’ that with this stuff, datin’ and stuff, that I’d have a shot at… I mean, I’m good at this stuff. Or I always thought I was. I thought maybe I could start makin’ up for all the times I messed it all up, but apparently not. I’m still a little too slow on the uptake, I guess. You’re different, and we’re different, so of course the standard shit isn’t gonna fly. I dunno why I thought it would.” He let go of her hand and set his forehead against the railing. “I’m sorry. You read everything, so… you know I’ve been livin’ in Fantasyland a long time when it comes to us. I guess I still am.”

Her hand felt wrong without his in it. For a second, she’d thought he’d let her go as a rejection or something, but she realized he was giving her a way out. He was trying to let her know if this was all too much, that she could walk away and he wouldn’t try to force anything down her throat.

Come to think of it, he’d never done anything like that. Why had she ever thought he would? He wasn’t the one who’d put her in this outfit or insisted she  _ needed _ lipstick. She’d been the one panicking all day over appropriate attire when that hadn’t mattered in the slightest. It wasn’t his fault she was back to suffocating under the weight of expectations. That was pretty much all her.

Abby took his hand and held it tightly in her lap so he couldn’t take it away again. “I like us being together. I like our picnics and watching the sky with you.” He finally looked over at her and she forced herself to not look away, blushing be damned. “But I didn’t like missing you all day. Or freaking out over what I was going to wear. I’ve been so nervous ever since I woke up. My stomach’s been in knots and… that’s so stupid. When we’re together, I’m… calm and happy and I feel really, really good.” She sighed, “Being all painted up like this and wanting to see you but not being able to doesn’t make me feel good. It just turned me into a wreck. I don’t understand why we can’t just be together. We  _ want _ to be together, so… can’t we just do that?”

“Be together like… just hangin’ out? Like usual?”

“Yes!”

“Oh. Oh, shit.” He laughed, “Wow.”

“What?”

“I thought you were still stuck on wanting to skip everything and just go straight into the sack.”

“No, you said we had to take a week.”

“Yeah.”

“A week is fine. I just don’t want to have to spend most of it away from you. That doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Yeah, it kinda seems dumb now that we did it.”

“Yeah.”

He made a face, “To be honest, I got all this set up in under an hour and then I was in the exact same boat as you. Just… stuck at home, freakin’ out.” He shook his head, “That was dumb.”

“Is that what dating usually is?”

“I… guess?” He shrugged, “It’s more like… most people usually don’t get to spend all day with their person so you set aside special time just for them at the end of the day. We don’t really have that problem out here since we work together and all.”

“Right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s… I feel like maybe neither of us were thinking clearly.”

“Well, I know I wasn’t. After last night, all I could think about was, uh… the end of the week.”

Abby watched his cheeks go pink and giggled, “Me, too.”

“It’s shapin’ up to be the longest week of my life.”

“Same.”

“Heh.” His nose wrinkled, “I really wanna kiss you right now but I don’t wanna mess up your lipstick.”

“I hate this lipstick. It makes me feel ridiculous.”

“Hmm. It looks good, though.”

“What’s the point of it looking good if I can’t use my lips for anything!”

“Ha. Good point. Hang on, I gotcha.” He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and started carefully wiping her mouth off.

“Mmph.”

“Kinda stained a little.” He frowned and studied her face. “You’re right, though. It’s weird seeing you with this goop on.”

“Thanks for un-gooping me.”

“No problem.”

“I don’t even know why people wear that stuff.”

“I dunno either.” The handkerchief disappeared back into his pocket and he tugged on the knot tied in her shirt. “Let’s fix this, too, while we’re at it.”

“The shirt under it is… uh… inappropriate.”

He finally got it undone and stared at the sheer camisole underneath. “Y-yeah.”

“You like it, though, don’t you?”

“I uh…”

She sighed and ducked her head, “I’m not really… I’m still not a girl, you know.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Just because I have girl parts, or whatever, doesn’t --”

“Hey, no. You don't have girl parts. You’ve got Abby parts, okay? I've actually been thinking about that since yesterday.” He started buttoning her shirt from the bottom up. “See, the thing is, my caveman brain, or whatever --”

“Hindbrain.”

“Yeah, that. It gets all excited the more of you I see. But it doesn’t really matter what part it is, so long as I see it.”

A frown wrinkled her brow, “That can’t possibly be true.”

“It is, though.” He got about halfway and stopped, nodding to himself. “There. That looks more like you. You want an example?”

“Okay.”

“When I first saw you in Rivet City, I couldn’t get over your shoulders.”

“My… my shoulders?”

“Yeah. I mean, when you came back to the vault, you were wearin’ a coat. The only other time I’d ever really seen ‘em was prom, so… I felt kinda stupid, but God, I just couldn’t look away.”

“My  _ shoulders?” _

“And then later when we were here in Megaton, it was mostly your legs and all those cute freckles you’ve got now. I… uh, well, I wanted to find out exactly where the freckles ended.” He shrugged, “Still do. It was kinda dark in my place last night. I didn’t get to see as much as I wanted.”

“But you… I mean, last night, you put your mouth on my uh…”

“Well, yeah. ‘Cause your skin is crazy soft and it made you feel good, right? That’s… I mean, my nipples are sensitive, too. I’m pretty sure that applies to everybody with nipples.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“Well, they are.” He shrugged, “I mean, yes, objectively speaking, you’ve got an exceptional rack, okay? You do, and I am into it. In a big way. But if that makes you uncomfortable, I’m fine with pretending they don’t exist.”

She folded her arms and grumped, “No, I… I definitely don’t want that.”

He grinned and nudged her shoulder with his, “Uh-oh. Somebody liked second base, huh?”

“Stop it.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about it.”

“I kinda feel like I do.”

“Alright. I’ll allow it, but only for a few minutes.”

“Oh, you’ll  _ allow it?” _

“M’hmm.” He laughed at her aggravated scoff. “Know what else I’m really into?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes even though he couldn’t see. “What?”

“All these muscles you picked up.”

“What?” A quick glance at his face revealed he wasn’t joking and she frowned, “My muscles?”

“Yup.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Why not?”

“'Cause you… your favorites in the vault --”

“My favorites?”   


“-- were always so delicate and pretty and --”

“I had favorites?”

Abby sighed, “You most often went out with Susie, Christine or Janice. In that order.”

His eyebrows nearly reached his hairline, “You were keepin’ track of that?”

“I… no. I just… noticed, I guess.”

He leaned in until their faces were just a few inches apart, “Abigail.”

“What?”

“When exactly did you first notice that?”

“Uh… I guess around the ninth grade?”

“Ninth grade?”

She shrugged, “I guess.”

“You and I barely spoke that year.”

“So?”

“I couldn’t even get you to  _ look _ at me until I set that globe on fire.”

“I… wait, you did that because of _me?!_ You could have killed somebody!”

“Nah, nah, nah. Don’t try to change the subject here.” His eyes narrowed, “Why exactly weren’t you talking to me that year?”

“I… I thought maybe if I ignored you, you would just go away.”

“Uh-huh.” Or deep down she’d thought if she ignored him, whatever she’d started to feel for him would go away. Had she, on some level, started to like him even before the first time he’d gotten brave enough to kiss her? Was that why his sauced brain at the time had decided it was a good idea to plant one on her in her father’s office? Maybe he’d unconsciously picked up on some vibe neither of them had realized she was putting out there.

“But obviously that was a bust.”

He rolled his eyes at her bitchy tone, “Yeah. I could totally tell you were really bummed I hadn’t fucked off into oblivion when I was gettin’ you off last night.”

“Michael Allen DeLoria!”

His lips caught hers and cut off whatever no doubt excruciatingly long rant was headed his way. She still looked a little miffed but didn’t even try to fuss after. He liked the dreamy way she stared at him. “There. Argument over.”

“That…” She frowned, “You were right. That doesn’t seem fair from the other side.”

“Ha.” He hadn’t even noticed he had a hand on her thigh until he moved it away. The skin there was so fine and creamy smooth that he immediately wanted his face there, but no. He was supposed to be the one setting a good example here. “I um… I made dinner.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“It’s nothin’ fancy.”

“You always say that and it always ends up being the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

He kept his wandering hands busy by digging through their basket and chuckled, “Well, good. Maybe I’ll make a quality house husband after all.” When he turned to hand her a plate, she was staring with wide eyes and her mouth gaped open. He looked over his shoulder but it was the same old landscape of broken concrete and twisted steel it always was. “What?”

“House husband?”

“Oh. Yeah, I mean…” He shrugged and handed her the plate. “I was just jokin’.”

“Oh. Oh, of course.”

“I figure after we get married, I’ll still be runnin’ around with you.”

She dropped her fork and stammered, “M-married?”

“Yeah.” Butch picked up the fork and wiped it off on his jeans before putting it back in her hand. “Married.”

“We’re getting married?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Someday.”

“Oh.”

“Not any time soon, probably. I don’t even know where people do that out here.”

“Rivet City.”

“Oh! Well. Shit. You wanna go check out --”

“I’m only twenty-one!”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t… I mean, I’m definitely not ready for  _ kids _ yet!”

“Who said anything about kids?”

“You said we were getting --”

“Married. Not pregnant. Yeesh.”

“Isn’t that why most people get married?”

He shrugged, “Probably, but we aren’t most people, right?”

“Right.”

“I wanna get married so any time some jagweed tries to get slick around you, I can grab ‘em by the shirt, and say ‘hey, asshole, that’s my…’ uh.” He blinked, “Spouse.”

Abby frowned thoughtfully at him for a moment and finally laughed, “You are trying so hard here.”

“I know, right?”

“I don’t know why, but it’s always so funny whenever you make an extra attempt at politeness.”

“Probably ‘cause it’s a little like if we watched Dogmeat try to drive the bike.”

She clapped a hand over her mouth to try to stifle the giggling, “Or seeing Sarah in a dress.”

“Watchin’ Mac do long division.”

“Charon actually laughing.”

“Greta being cheerful for once in her miserable life.” He grinned at her as she finally lost the battle and burst out laughing. “So uh… I’m guessin’ you don’t really wanna get married then?”

“Oh… oh, I don’t… I’d never even thought about it before.”

“Oh.”

“I grew up assuming I’d just have two children and otherwise live alone.”

“Right, right. The master plan.”

“But, if it’s you…” She smiled, “It probably wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Oh, it  _ probably _ wouldn’t be  _ so _ bad? Thanks.”

“No, I… I'm sorry. I thought I wasn’t supposed to act overeager. Isn't that how it goes? I’m supposed to pretend like it’s no big deal and I don't even care. Then one day you propose and I fall all to pieces. That’s what always happens in the movies.”

_ “That _ you know all about but shit like noticin’ when a guy likes you is completely beyond your capabilities?”

“I guess?”

“Ugh.” He rolled his eyes, “Eat your dinner before I give up on the whole goddamn idea altogether.”

She pouted but took a bite of her brahmin. The tangy sweetness of whatever he’d cooked it with made her want to inhale the whole steak but she made herself politely cut a couple more small bites off it. “What’d you put on this?”

“Cherry Nuka and whiskey glaze.”

“It’s really good.”

“Thanks.”

“M’hmm.” She ate a few more bites before speaking again, “Butch, I would love to marry you.”

His fork and knife abruptly came to a halt mid-cut and he looked over at her, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Okay.”

She hid a smile at his quiet, rather stunned tone. “I’d even be happy to be called your wife.” The tips of his ears went almost as pink as the sky and she just couldn’t help herself. “Doctor DeLoria actually has a pretty good ring to it.”

“You’d really wanna change your name and everything?”

“Yes, I would.”

“I feel like if anything, I should change my name.”

She shook her head, “No. The Lanes were my parents. We should be the DeLorias. It just feels right.”

“Heh. The DeLorias… almost sounds respectable.”

“Almost.”

“I bet makin’ a bunch more little Tunnel Snakes would probably be a lot more fun than just recruitin’ people.”

“Tunnel Snakelets.”

“What?”

“Baby snakes are snakelets.”

“Oh. Ha.” He pushed his roast vegetables around a bit and sighed, “Hey. Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Sure.”

“Do you think your dad woulda been alright with all this?”

“All this?”

“Us, I mean.”

“Oh.”

“I know he wasn’t exactly my biggest fan or anything.”

“Hmm. Well… you meet all of his criteria.”

“Heh, yeah.”

“And you’re very nice now. It’s not like you’re still shoving me around and spitting on me exactly.” Her brow furrowed as she considered it, “I mean, you kinda are, but it’s different. There’s still manhandling and saliva but it’s like the good kind now.”

He snorted, “Yeah.”

“I think he’d be happy I found somebody to love who loves me back exactly as I am and who wants to build a life together. I honestly can’t think of anything more he’d want.”

“Really?”

“Really. I bet Daddy would have been very proud of you and how you grew up.”

“You think so?”

“I know so… and not just what you’ve done out here. I mean, all that work you did on yourself back before you left the vault. You really turned it all around and finally became the person you were always meant to be. That’s remarkable and admirable. You’re a very impressive person, Butch. Daddy would see that.”

He stared at her with overbright eyes for a moment and finally looked away, clearing his throat. “Wow.”

“I know. That’s exactly what goes through my head every time I see you.  _ Wow.” _

Once he’d collected himself, he turned his head enough to watch her from the corner of his eye and laughed at how enraptured she looked every time she ate another piece of steak. “I’m pretty sure you’re just into me for my cooking.”

"Hmm." She nodded, “That could be it, too.”

The box was there. In his pocket. It hadn’t actually left since he’d picked up her ring in the vault. He could propose right here, right now while they sat drenched in golden light, perched above this kingdom she’d carved out for herself. He watched the last of the sun’s rays turn her hair into liquid gold that faded into a coppery amber and sighed quietly as he soaked it all in.

This moment was already perfect all on it’s own. They were already rushing things along as fast as they could. Had already discussed marriage on what was technically their first date. If he proposed now, he’d have no chance at slowing their momentum and despite what she thought, she needed this extra time to come to terms with how things had changed between them. They both did.

The ring stayed in his pocket.

Abby finally noticed him staring and stared back, that pretty blush he’d always been in love with coloring her cheeks. “Your eyes are really pretty right now, with the sunset behind you.”

He smiled and knew with absolute certainty that this was one of those moments in time he was never, ever going to forget. Her own eyes sparkled with warmth and adoration. Not even a hint of ice in all that aquamarine. Finally. He took her hand and squeezed it, feeling truly content and loved for the first time in his life. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a quote from Helen Keller: "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit."
> 
> IDK how many of y'all are actually agender out there, but I am, so the awkwardness here of finding someone who not only loves you for you but also totally lusts after your body is *real*. LOL
> 
> Also, apologies on this being a couple of days late. For those of you not on Tumblr, I have the flu & it's been bad enough that I actually dragged myself to town for a stupid C19 test (negative so yay). It's been almost two weeks of bleeeeeh around here.


	25. The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

“That was the Ink Spots, with  _ I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire. _ Ha. Little late, guys. Somebody already beat you to it.”

Butch rolled his eyes and kept swaying, despite the lack of music. “Guy likes to hear himself talk way too much.”

“Hmm. That’s probably what makes him such a good DJ.”

“M’hmm.” Slow dancing to the radio was a little dicey given that it was GNR, but about halfway through the first song, he realized this really  _ did _ something to Abby. Ever since she’d cuddled against his chest, she’d gotten quieter and quieter. Almost asleep on her feet, like she was entranced or somethin’. Which was perfectly fine with him. Anything that kept her in his arms was a good thing in his book.

_ “Hallelujah! _ The Urban Legend is real, children! She's real, and she's out there, everyday, helping poor shlubs like you. The latest and greatest on everyone's favorite runt from Vault 101.”

She grumbled, “Oh, no…”

“Psh. We ain’t even done nothin’ in days. Whatever he’s got is old news.”

“Word from Megaton is our Abracadabra’s been dabbling in a whole new kinda magic, if you catch my meaning. The good doctor’s been seen here, there and everywhere in the company of what one ghoulette out of Underworld described as a walking, talking, hell of a good time.”

He snorted, “Think that was Willow or Greta?”

“Willow. It’s definitely Willow, and I’m going to kill her.”

“Oh, you are not. Shush.”

“Now, children, you know ol’ Three Dog doesn’t just flap his gums without confirmation. According to a little slice outta Rivet City, Abra’s new lovely assistant is, get this,  _ from Vault 101 himself! _ That’s right! It’s a hometown love story!”

“And Christine. Of course.”

“She wouldn’t know how to put a cork in it if her name was Chardonnay.”

“Now don’t go thinkin’ this is some sappy, lovey dovey, kids-next-door thing! No, sir! The way I hear it, this guy was the vault’s most notorious criminal. A  _ gang _ _leader,_ which as we all know is a scant half-step to the side of  _ raider. _ Oh, yes. A felonious ne’er-do-well who’s stolen everything from caps to hearts to… I dunno, whatever the hell else they’ve got down there. Who knows? The point is, this cat might be a bit more wolf than our favorite little kitten can handle.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake.”

“Is that really the rep I got goin’ on out here? Sheesh.”

“The only thing he’s got goin’ in his favor, far as I can tell, is he’s already been given an official stamp of approval from none other than the infallible Elder Lyons himself. Our Wanderer’s new beau has all but been adopted by the Pride as an honorary member and is the subject of many off-the-books betting pools around the ol’ Citadel, according to a certain paladin I know.”

She groaned, “Glade. Really?!”

“Guy’s a sucker for a sure bet, sweetheart.”

“Ugh.”

“The lovebirds were most recently spotted skippin’ into Vault 106 together, hand in hand no doubt, on what must have been one  _ heck _ of a date. The sucker’s now  _ permanently _ closed for business, much to the local tech scavvers guild’s dismay.”

“Heh. Whoops.”

“See? I told you. People just can’t stay away from the vaults.”

“So what’s the final verdict? Jury’s still out, kiddos. I guess we’ll see. But if you’re out there listenin’,  _ Grognak --” _

“Oh, fuck. Mac talked, too? That little snitch!”

“-- just know that whatever your intentions are with our precious savior, the eyes of the wasteland are upon you. Not to mention, Uncle Three Dog here doesn’t mind gettin’ his hands dirty if the situation calls for it. She’s a good kid, so you damn well better be.”

“Well, that’s not ominous or anything.”

“Now that  _ that’s _ settled, let’s get right back to the music! Here’s Tex Beneke with...  _ A Wonderful Guy.” _

“Maybe we should stop in and visit. Let him get to know you.”

“Pfft. That’s just what he wants, right? I’m not dignifyin’ any of that with a response. Besides, I don’t care if the whole damn wasteland hates me so long as I’ve got you.”

“Nobody hates you. Three Dog just likes to meddle.”

“Hmm. I guess it’s kinda nice you’ve got so many people lookin’ out for you. I had this whole like,  _ Little Match Girl _ thing goin’ on for you in my head after you left.”

“That’s just because the Overseer spent so much time and effort trying to convince everyone that the wastes were completely inhospitable.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

She yawned and rubbed her face against his shirt, “I’m a little sleepy.”

“It is gettin’ kinda late.”

“I don’t want to leave though.”

“You don’t?”

“M’mm. I really…” She sighed, “It’s selfish but I really wish you hadn’t moved out.”

“Says the person who told me to move out.”

“I know! I know, it’s awful. I just… miss you. I dunno.”

“I miss you, too.” She mumbled something and he couldn’t quite catch it. “I’m sorry, what?”

An embarrassed huff left her, “I said you wouldn’t have to sleep on a cot if… if you came back. You could sleep in my bed.”

He chuckled, “Are you actually tryin’ to  _ convince _ me to move back in?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not really necessary.”

“Oh.”

“I want to, I just think it’s best to wait until, y’know,  _ after.” _

“Oh.”

“Otherwise uh… well…”

“We wouldn’t be able to wait.”

“Right.”

“I feel like that’s the best possible reason for you to come back home.”

“Ha. Well, yeah, it definitely sounds good in theory, but I just… I don’t want you to wake up one morning and feel like I rushed you into something you regret, y’know?”

“I’m not going to regret anything.”

“You might.”

“No, I’m not.” She leaned back enough to look at him, “I’m going to be yours forever and I am never going to regret it.”

He stared back, “Jesus, you look so serious right now.”

“That’s because I am serious.”

“Yeah, I know.” He kissed her forehead and sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m still not really used to bein’ with somebody who’s so… uh…”

“Odd?”

“Nah, that ain’t it. Honest? No. Sure of yourself?  _ Decisive. _ That’s the word.”

“Oh.”

“I dunno how much you ever saw of mine and Susie’s relationship, but it was kinda…”

“Tumultuous.”

“Ha, yeah. Tumultuous, to say the least. With her, every day felt like walkin’ through a minefield. I mean, a lot of it was definitely my fault, but most of the time shit would just blow up without me even knowin’ what the hell was goin’ on.”

“Right.”

“Actually, she was kinda like Ma in that respect.”

“Hmm.”

“But we’re different and I’m really grateful for it. You’re steady and I can usually tell what you’re thinkin’.”

“Sometimes even before I do.”

“Right, but at the same time, we  _ are _ different, so I kinda…”

“You feel like you don’t even know if you’re on a minefield or not.”

“Right! That’s… yeah. It’s new, so I just wanna move as slow as I can and try to be cautious until I get a feel for everything.”

“Well, that’s sensible.”

He laughed, “Thanks.” Being sensible was basically the highest compliment she ever doled out. He felt like he’d just earned a gold star.

“You’ve been doing a really good job holding my hand with all this stuff. I guess it makes sense for me to do the same.”

“What do you mean?”   


“I mean, despite living in the vault, we grew up in very different environments. I’m pretty sure I’m only steady because Daddy was steady. We didn’t… he didn’t raise his voice or show his temper to me, even when we argued. He was always very calm and deliberate. Far more so than I am. I… I can’t even tell you how often I wished I’d inherited his unflappable demeanor. Doctor Li told me I was just like him but from everything I read about my mother, I think my temperament swings more towards her side. She was… she could be  _ very _ excitable in the right circumstances. Usually she just focused all her passions on her work, but I have this holo of Daddy deliberately trying to distract her and she’s… giggly and ridiculous and gives in without so much as a token protest really. I mean, she  _ says _ she’s busy but she’s clearly… uh… yeah. Anyway, I will absolutely do my best to be your rock the same way Daddy was for her, but I know sometimes my temper gets the best of me. I get… stupid and angry and say things I don’t mean or do things that I really regret later. So, if that happens, I don’t want you to feel like a bomb’s gone off. I just… I guess I just want you to know that.”

His arms tightened around her and he set his cheek on her head, “You always say you’re sorry later and mean it. Nobody else has ever done that. I know you’re not just sittin’ around waitin’ to go off on me. Me bein’ gun shy about that stuff isn’t on you, okay? It’s on me. I gotta relax a little.”

She nodded, “You have seemed very tense for you since we decided to be together.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m tryin’ to calm down. It’s just… difficult right now. I’m kinda just now realizing how much I relied on sex to fix shit in the past. Sometimes I start to feel like I’m messin’ everything up and I panic and my first instinct is to jump your bones.”

She thought it over for a moment and started giggling, “I feel like I would be okay with that.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you would.” He snickered, “Abby Lane, unrepentant horndog. Who knew?”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Ha.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so damn charming and wonderful!”

“Is that a compliment or an insult? Your tone’s confusing me.”

“I’m not sure right at this moment.”

He laughed, “Honestly, I kinda love your temper. You’re really cute when you’re mad. Sometimes you stamp your little foot and it’s like you don’t even notice you’re doin’ it.”

“I do not stamp my foot!”

“Yeah, you really do. When you’re mad it’s like you don’t even know what to do with it all and it just… comes out. It’s a clean kinda anger. It’s honest. There’s no like… you aren’t tryin’ to hurt anybody, you’re just  _ mad. _ I think that’s really the difference. Some people fight to hurt people. You fight because you’re tryin’ to get a point across. You’re not deliberately hurtful, so… I’m never really… I mean, I’ve been afraid of you before, ‘cause I know if you get pushed too far, you’ll just, y’know, leave. But --”

“Daddy called it fighting with your hat.”

“What?”   


“He always said sometimes when you’re arguing and not getting anywhere, the best thing you can do is put your hat on and leave because there’s no point in mindlessly going in circles. Sometimes, everyone just needs a minute to cool down or you can get so mad that you’ll say things you regret. That’s fighting with your hat.”

“Oh… well, it can kinda be terrifying when you do it. No offense.”

“That’s probably because I usually do it wrong. There’s a difference between running away entirely and calmly removing yourself from a situation. I should work on that.”

“Just a heads up would be nice. Like… callin’ a time out or somethin’ before you head for the hills would work.”

“I could probably manage that.”

“Then I will work even harder to not immediately head for a bottle like a fuckin’ baby whenever I get pissed or freaked out. How’s that?”

“You’ve already done a really good job with that.”

“Ech. Switchin’ from hard liquor to beer isn’t really doin’ a good job, I think. It’d be better if I just stayed away from that shit entirely.”

“That’s true.”

“Maybe I’ll take up a hobby. Woodworkin’ or somethin’.”

“Angry woodworking sounds kind of dangerous.”

He snorted, “Yeah. Just me makin’ a bunch of shivs.”

Abby giggled, “I’d find you surrounded by piles of punji sticks.”

“Ha. Well, maybe I’ll try buildin’ robots instead. Then you’ll be sorry.”

“That’s so funny. I was actually thinking about getting into robotics myself.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“M’hmm. I wanted to surprise you with a little tiny robot a while back but I don’t know the first thing about building one. I bet Wadsworth or Moira could teach me.”

“Then you could teach me.”

“Yeah. Maybe that’s what we’ll do. Whenever we fight, we can call a time out and build a robot together.”

“Robot _ s. _ Then we can fight them.”

“Oh! That’s so much more efficient than doing the fighting ourselves!” She yawned again and did her best to hide it against his shirt. “Can we do this every night?”

“Do what?”

“Dance.”

“Absolutely.”

“I like dancing.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” He chuckled, “Just like I noticed you keep yawning. I should walk you home, sweetheart.”

“I’m not that tired.”

“Yes, you are.”

“It was just hard to sleep last night --”

“Uh huh.”   


“-- and I was tense all day so --”

“So you’re sleepy.”

She grumbled to herself before pouting up at him, “Aren’t we going to, you know… sit on the couch together for a little while?”

Butch snorted, “Is that your new favorite thing to do?”

“Maybe.”

“Only maybe? Hmm. Clearly I gotta up my game a little then.”

"Is that possible?"

"It is, actually. I've just been holding back for your sake. Tryin' to be a gentleman here."

"After the end of the week are you going to unleash fury?"

"Heh. Maybe." He grinned, "You won't be gettin' a lot done besides me after that so any errands you wanna get caught up on, I'd do 'em now rather than later."

"You know what your problem is? You think you're so irresistible."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"It's kinda true though, right?"

_ "Maybe." _

She was still a little grumbly as he tipped her chin up and kissed her, but it faded pretty quickly. Especially when he actually picked her up so he didn’t have to stoop so low. There was a time in her life when his strength terrified her, but now it just made her feel safe and invulnerable. That was kind of nice after a couple of years getting used to always having to be on guard. She'd still have to be pretty vigilant out in the wastes, of course, but here in his arms she could finally relax and just exist.

There was no way she’d ever be able to put how grateful she was for that into words.

He chuckled and broke contact, “Are you fallin’ asleep on me right now?”

“What? No. I’m just… relaxed.”

“Abigail.”

“Ugh.”

“How about I walk you home --”

“Nooo.”

“-- and then tomorrow we can hang out all damn day. That sound good?”

“Your house or my house?”

“Your house.”

“Wadsworth’s there.”

“So?”

“So what if he… I mean, he’ll see stuff.”

“Oh. Hmm, we can send him out on a grocery run or somethin’.”

“Or we could spend some time in my room.”

“There you go again. Tryin’ to talk me into bed.”

She pouted, “Well what's wrong with that?”

“What if we spend half the day at your house and half the day here?”

“Okay, fine.”

“And while we’re here, I’ll teach you a few new things.”

“What kind of things?”

“The kind you like.”

“I guess that could work.”

“M’hmm. Now let’s get you home before I ruin another pair of shorts.”

“What?”

“Nothin’. Don’t worry about it.”

* * *

The next morning, bright and early, Butch gave her door a cursory knock before letting himself inside. “Oh, honey! I’m home!”

_ “Oh! _ Mister DeLoria! Thank heavens!” Wadsworth zipped over close enough that he nearly melted a hole right through his boots.

“Whoa, whoa. Where’s the fire?”

“Doctor Lane is an absolute tizzy. I was  _ just _ about to go grab you.”

“A tizzy?”

“It’s just dreadful news. I’m afraid something’s happened.”

A heavy ball of anxiety immediately filled his stomach, “What?”

“It’s Elder Lyons, sir. She’s quite distraught.”

“Shit.”

He took the stairs two at a time and found her stuffing shirts into a duffle in her room. “Abby?”

She shook her head and didn’t turn around. “I gotta go.”

“I know.” He quietly eased over and set his hands on her shoulders. “Why are you packing so many clothes?”   


“I have no idea what you’re supposed to wear to a Brotherhood funeral.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t exactly sure himself but they were basically the armed forces, weren’t they? “Probably just your uniform, right?”

Her movements abruptly stopped and a hysterical bit of laughter tumbled out. “O-oh. Right.”

“He go in his sleep?”

“He’s not gone yet, but Sawbones couldn’t wake him. Sarah said I should come.”

“Alright.” Shit. So she was going to have to endure yet another front row seat at a father figure’s death. That probably wasn’t going to go so hot. “How about you go downstairs and let Waddy make you a cup of tea and I’ll finish up here.”

“Okay… my uniform is --”

“I’m sure I’ll know it when I see it.”

“Okay.”

He let his hands fall free and sighed inwardly when she remained rooted in one place. “Go downstairs now, angel.”

“Okay.” She shuffled out the door as if on autopilot and he sincerely hoped Wadsworth had been eavesdropping because chances were very good she’d get to the bottom of the stairs and freeze up again.

Her bag was packed completely full, so he dumped it out before finding a smaller, more manageable leather backpack. She wasn’t going to the damn moon. Just the Citadel.

He tossed in a few of her sleepshirts. A pair of jeans and two tops. Socks. He was doin’ really great right up until he found her underwear and then things got a little dicey. Sure, he could have probably just grabbed a handful and  _ not _ looked, but the ones with cupcakes caught his eye and it felt like somebody had smacked him right on the forehead. She had some really adorable panties besides the heart ones he already knew about. Cutesy ones with stars and shit. He couldn’t  _ not _ take them.

Her uniform he found carefully tucked away in the bottom drawer. At least, he was mostly sure that’s what it was. Kinda looked like what most of the knights bopped around in, except hers was squire-sized and in white instead of orange. Probably had somethin’ to do with her being in the Lyons Pride. He rolled it up and in it went.

He didn’t really know anything about wasteland funerals. The ones in the vault were always short, hurried affairs. A moment of silence, sometimes people showed up with casseroles for the family and then everybody split. Nobody ever wanted to linger too long on the depressing reality of dying in a concrete coffin you’d lived in your whole life. But this was Elder Lyons, so chances were good the Brotherhood would go big, wouldn’t they? He was this chapter’s founding elder and all. This was gonna be a huge deal.

Abby would probably be super busy right up until the guy finally let go and then she’d be stuck around waiting. So she’d need distractions. Ones besides him because he couldn’t really see her getting frisky during such a somber scene. He grabbed a few random books and her pack of cards. She had a drawer full of hologames in her desk and he grabbed those, too. Maybe a little more for himself, really, since he’d never once in his life seen her play any games on her Pipboy.

If worse came to worse, maybe he could go grab Mac to entertain her. Or something. Stub his toe and pretend he’d totally shattered every bone in his foot. Whatever it took to keep her mind occupied until they were outta there.

He paused to grab her hair stuff and toothbrush from the bathroom before heading back downstairs. She was sitting on the couch, staring into her teacup with blank eyes. “Hey, got you all packed.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll just grab my go-bag from the locker and we’re ready.”

“Okay.” She started to get up and he shook his head.

“Finish your tea first.”

“Okay.”

Butch tossed their things by the front door and sat down in the chair nearest her. She seemed a million miles away and probably was. He had no idea what went on in her head when she got all passive and still like this. That was okay though. So long as she didn’t take off on him, he could work with it. He’d do whatever it took to find a way to help her manage whatever weird shape her grief eventually took once it finally hit her.

It took her almost ten minutes to drink one cup. He didn’t even bother trying to get her to carry her own pack. Just grabbed all their shit, took her hand, and led her out to the bike. He even put her helmet on and zipped her jacket for her. She just kept staring into nothing. It was startin’ to creep him out a little.

“Okay then.” He picked her up and set her on the bike when she made no move to get on it herself after he got it into position. “Sweetheart? Are you in there?”

She blinked, slowly. “What?”

“I can’t drive the bike, okay? I can steer if you want me to, but shiftin’ gears and whatnot is beyond me, so…”

“Oh. No, I… I can do it.”

“Alright.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I get it. I just really,  _ really _ need you to focus up until we get to the docks. I can totally drive the boat and I can even give you a piggyback ride the rest of the way to the Citadel. I just can’t drive. Okay? So just do this part for me and I’ll handle the rest.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, great.” He started it and sat behind her. “Ready when you are.”

Part of him was actually surprised when the bike lurched forward. He’d almost resigned himself with walking to Grandma Sparkle’s. If DC hadn’t been such a goddamn clusterfuck, they could have just driven the whole way, but with half the city in ruins, the fastest route to the Citadel was to take the bike to the wharf, then zip down the river on the boat. Kind of a convoluted way to do things. You would think the Brotherhood would have spent a little of their time and power armor clearing debris from the streets but apparently not.

Luckily, they made it without incident. A few super mutants had given chase for about a quarter mile, but other than that, they were fine. He was relieved to see both Old Lady Sparkle and her beefcake grandsons were already out for the day and squirreled the bike away in the shed she let Abby use. Sometimes they took the bike on the boat, too, but he wasn’t dealin’ with any extra hassle today. Not when his favorite angel in the whole wide world was so close to crumbling. Fuck that.

A few minutes down the Potomac and before he knew it, they were dockside by the Citadel. He got them tied off and frowned a little at the guys he could see. Everybody seemed so… normal. Laughin’ and joshin’ around like usual. That wasn’t very respectful.

He picked Abby up and deposited her on the dock. “I thought more people’d be sad around here.”

“They don’t know yet.”

“What?”

“The elder’s health is a private matter. No one outside the inner circle will know until after he passes and Cross makes the announcement.”

“Why Cross?”

“She’s his dedicated Star Paladin. It’s her duty.”

“Tch. There’s too many damn duties and rules around here.”

“Structure’s nice.”

“M’hmm.”

Of course she’d see it that way. In a hopelessly chaotic world, the Brotherhood offered her soothing order more than anything else. He, on the other hand, had his fill of regulations and people telling him what to do by the time he was ten. Living in the vault had made him pretty burned out on all that bullshit. Which is why he was never gonna join the Brotherhood, no matter how cool the suits were.

He took her hand again and led her inside. Smiling and waving like an idiot to keep people’s eyes off her. She kept her head down the whole way and with her reputation for always thinking, nobody tried to bother her. Which was just as well since he was already one good shove away from punching somebody in the face. This whole goddamn thing made him crazy uncomfortable. They’d just got their things situated in their regular room when a quiet knock on the doorframe startled him. Arthur Maxson, the Brotherhood’s very own boy-king, stared bleakly at Abby.

“Knight Lane?”

“Arthur.”

She gave him a hug and Butch thought it was pretty cute the way he carefully crouched down so he could set his head on her shoulder. Kid was barely outta diapers and already towered over her. Once he filled out a bit, he’d be quite the Grognak himself.

“Have you seen him?”

The boy stepped back and wiped his nose with his sleeve, “No. Cross and Sarah are already with him and the guards said I should wait outside.”

“That’s absurd. He’s your foster-father. He would want you there.”

“That’s kinda what I thought, but --”

“Come on.”

She took off and dragged him along in her wake. Butch silently followed them and eyed the stubborn set of her shoulders. He almost pitied the idiots who’d dared tell little Artie no on this one. He kept glancing back at him, clearly apprehensive about being the catalyst for her temper. All he could do was offer him a half smile and shrug. From where he was standin’, her getting snapped back into reality was a good thing, no matter the reason for it.

Whatever was gonna happen, was gonna happen.

They finally arrived at a set of double doors with two knights stationed outside. Abby flicked the first one in the visor and scowled at the second.

“Which one of you told this child he wasn’t allowed to see Elder Lyons?” The second knight immediately pointed to his companion and she turned her scowl onto him. “Twenty laps around the outside perimeter. Full armor. Gatling at the ready. Go.”

Butch snickered as the guy clomped off. “Aren’t you technically just a knight yourself? You don’t actually outrank these guys, right?”

Arthur spoke up, “As a member of the Lyons Pride, Knight Lane is a mouthpiece for Sentinel Lyons herself. Challenging a command from one is the same as challenging a command from the other.”

“Ah. Well, that explains it. Even if somebody’s dumb enough to piss off Abby, nobody’s gonna piss off Sarah, right?”   


“Right.” He waited until they were all inside the elder’s quarters to speak again, this time at a whisper. “Mr. DeLoria?”

“Yeah?”

“They really don’t mind you calling them by their first names?”

“What? Nah. What the hell else am I gonna call ‘em?”

“Sentinel Lyons and Knight Lane.”

His eyebrow quirked up at the ridiculousness of that whole idea. “Do either of them call you Squire Maxson?”

“Well… no.”

He kept an eye on Abby as she scurried over to where a vigil was clearly being held at the elder’s bedside and set a hand on the kid’s head. “The way I see it, everybody special enough to be in this room is family, right? So let them be your family, kiddo. It’s good to be polite and all, but too much of a good thing can push people away. I can’t speak for Sarah, but I know Abby loves you. So just let ‘em love you, okay? Especially now. Now would definitely be a good time to lean into the family thing.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“By the way, you can call me Butch. It’s fine.”

A quietly mischievous smile peeked through his usual stoic expression, “Butch? Not Grognak?”

He wrinkled his nose, “You heard that, huh?”

“Everybody heard that.”

He scrubbed his face with his hands and sighed, “I’mma kill Mac, I swear to God.”

“Mac? You mean RJ MacCready?”

“Yup. You heard of him?”

“Knight… I mean, Abby, talks about him all the time.”

“Oh.”

“I wish I could see Lamplight but I’m not supposed to leave the Citadel unless it’s for training purposes.”

“You ever try askin’ Abby to take you?”

“No, not really. She’s always busy.”

“If you ask, she’ll say yes. Guaranteed. Not right this second, of course, but later.”

“You really think so?”

“Yup.”

“It always sounds kinda like  _ Swiss Family Robinson  _ when she talks about it.”

“Heh. Little closer to _ Lord of the Flies, _ but yeah.”

Abby glanced over her shoulder. Butch and Arthur were busy whispering to each other. That was… probably fine. She’d never actually seen them interacting together but Butch had made friends with practically everyone here. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume they’d become pals. That was rather sweet, actually. Goodness knew Arthur needed some exposure to people who weren’t always so serious and Butch was surprisingly good with children so --

Sarah cleared her throat, “Lane.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think you could stop ogling your boyfriend for a minute? This is kind of important.”

She blinked at her, “I’m… I wasn’t  _ ogling. _ I just think it’s nice he gets on with Arthur.”

“Oh.” The sentinel observed them for a moment and finally smiled, “That is nice, actually. It’s probably good for Artie to know that there are men out there who possess a sense of humor.”

“The guys around here are a little…  _ dry.” _

“Yeah, I don’t get it, either. Dad’s always been funny.” She smiled gently at her father and set her hand over his. “He always told me laughter was humanity’s greatest weapon.”

“Mark Twain said that.”

“What?”

“He was paraphrasing Mark Twain. From the  _ Mysterious Stranger.” _ She closed her eyes and recited the lines.  _ “Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century, but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” _

“Wow.  _ Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.  _ That would make one hell of an epitaph.”

New tears gathered and threatened to spill over, but she nodded anyway, “It really would.”

Sarah glared at her, “You are forbidden from crying in my presence.”

She knuckled the tears away and nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

Cross sighed heavily and dabbed at the elder’s forehead with a cool rag, “I don’t know why Owyn is holding on like this. He always joked that he was going to bolt for the light the second he saw it so he could be with Marie again.”

“There are some things even elders don’t get to decide for themselves.”

“Apparently.”

Abby dug through the nearby doctor’s bag, “I’m pretty sure I could wake him one last time. I don’t know how coherent he’ll be though. It’s your call, Sarah.”

She sighed and stared at his face for a few minutes before she finally nodded. “Do it. Maybe he’s just waiting to say goodbye.”

“Okay.” Since the smelling salts hadn’t had any effect, the only other thing she could think to try was a small dose of epinephrine. If anything was going to jolt him back into consciousness, it would be that. She carefully measured it out and administered it to his IV drip.

Sarah watched her work, “How long should it take?”

“I’m not sure.” Abby held his hand and kept her fingers on his pulse. It was weak and thready, but the jump once the artificial adrenaline hit his heart was undeniable. “Should be --” His eyes popped open and she smiled, “Now, I guess. Owyn? Can you hear me?”

He nodded once, “Abigail.”

“That’s right. Sarah’s here, too.”

“Sarah.” His eyes went to his daughter’s face and he smiled, “My dear, sweet girl.”

“Hi, Dad.”

“Little Sundrop.” He smiled at the paladin hovering over her shoulder. “And Cross. It must be a party.”

Abby turned and motioned to Arthur, “Come on.” Once he was close enough she took his hand and switched it out with hers. “Elder Lyons, look. It’s Arthur. He came to visit you.”

“Ah. My boy. I’m so sorry I won’t be there to watch you grow up.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“You do? Well, I don’t.” He smiled, “I’m just not as mature as you are, I suppose. I always hated being left behind, but now I find myself not wanting to go.”

Sarah laughed, “Contrary to the last.”

“Damn right I am.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “My mind’s trying to go fuzzy on me again. Abigail, there’s something you should know.”

“I already know, Uncle Owyn. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” He sighed, “We had big plans, you know, Cat and I. We were going to raise you and Sarah as sisters but after we lost the purifier, and so many soldiers, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to protect both of you and when James said he could try to get into the vault, I didn’t argue. I should’ve argued.”

“The vault wasn’t all bad.”

“Hmph. Children should grow up under blue skies and sunshine.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

“Sarah, remember to act humble after the vote. I’m sure you’ll be elected elder but nobody likes a braggart.”

“Right.”

“Listen to everyone. Be a voice for the voiceless.”

“I will.”

“Take good care of Arthur for me.”

“I will, Dad. I’ll take care of everybody. You don’t have to worry.”

“Cross, look after my babies.”

“Yes, Elder.”

“Be the same friend to Sarah you were to me. She’ll need somebody around who isn’t afraid to tell her no now that I’m on the way out.”

“I will.”

“Okay. I think that about does it… I’m just… I'm going to rest my eyes for a moment.” His arm shook but he still managed to touch Sarah’s face before it fell back to the bed. “I keep dreaming of your mother. You have her smile.”

Abby had never actually witnessed a peaceful natural death before. She watched his eyes slip shut. Watched his breathing even out into sleep and then slow even further. When the moment came that his chest no longer rose, she carefully placed her hand around his wrist. There was no reason to keep track of his pulse but it was just ingrained in her by this point. It dipped lower and lower, finally stuttering out in a quiet sort of way. The gentle finality of it was absolutely awful.

“He’s gone.”

It didn’t surprise her one bit when Arthur crumbled and clung to her, his head buried against her neck as silent tears fell. Knowing him, he’d leave this room and assume a mien of impeccable dignity to hide how he really felt. So as much as she’d like to run away, he needed this moment where he could be the vulnerable, grief-stricken little boy he really was. She put her arms around him and rubbed his back. Speaking words of comfort out loud would only embarrass him, so she rocked him instead. Sarah turned away from everyone and, after taking a few minutes to collect herself, spoke quietly with Cross who came and gently peeled Arthur off her. She watched them go and sighed at the way he bravely squared his shoulders before they left.

“He’s going to help make the announcement?”

“It’ll be good for him. This way he can honor Dad and he learns that life goes on.”

“Right.” She shook her head, “That’s just what every thirteen year old needs to learn.”

“It was going to happen eventually.”

“I know. I’m just… bitter, right now.”

“Yeah, me, too.” She angrily wiped at her eyes, “Jesus fuck. I can’t stop.”

“It takes a while.”

“I dunno how you did it, Lane. When your dad went you just… kept on going.”

“That was different. He was murdered, so I was angry and I took all that anger out on the Enclave. It was after the anger left that things got unmanageable.”

“Right, I remember. You took off and went to Pittsburgh.”

“And the swamp.”

“And the swamp.” She laughed, “I don’t want to run but I definitely want to fight something. I kinda wish the Enclave were still around. I wouldn’t mind blowing up another mountain right about now.”

“Same.”

“On the bright side, we finally have something in common besides blood. We’re both orphans.”

“I know.”

“You ever wonder how different our lives would’ve been if our mothers had just… married quiet farmers or something?”

Abby almost laughed, “I hadn’t, but now I am.”

“Dad told me they were all pacifists. Doves and diplomats. I probably would’ve been kicked out of the family by age four for fighting.”

“You might have developed a better sense of humor though.”

“You’re pushing it, Lane.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

She smiled at her, “You should go on. I’ll stay until Sawbones comes for the body.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’d like a minute alone.”

“Okay… what happens now?”

“There’ll be a twenty-four hour official mourning. No training within the walls. It’s supposed to be for quiet reflection but most people will probably just use it as an excuse to drink. Myself included.”

“Hmm.”

“Then there’ll be another day for people to come forward who want to be considered for elder.”

“Think anyone will?”

“I dunno. It doesn’t really matter. We’ll have the vote before the funeral so the new elder can preside over it.”

“God.”

“I know. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to. ‘The Pride will always have your back.’ Isn’t that what you once told me?”

“Is it? That kinda seems a little sentimental for something I’d say.”

“You said that at the time, too.”

“Ha.” She nodded to Butch as Abby left the bedside. “Good to see you, DeLoria. Sorry it’s under these circumstances.”

“Yeah. I’m real sorry about your dad. I heard a lotta good things about him.”

“Yeah… he would’ve really liked you.”

“Thanks.” He started a bit when Abby took his head and headed for the door. “I’ll be around if you need anything. Off the books or otherwise.”

The barest of smiles crossed her face, “Thanks, wastelander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote is from Albert Einstein, on the death of his friend, Michele Besso: “Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That signifies nothing. For us believing physicists the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”


	26. Hide not your Talents, they for Use were made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody. So... I am still recovering from having pneumonia. (I really, truly just thought it was a cold & then the flu, but I was wrong.) Sorry for the lack of updates and the schedule being thrown off. I'm at maybe 1/4 my usual efficiency right now, so everything is slow going. (Also I do not live in Texas, but I do live back in a holler and we've had intermittent power issues, so it couldn't be helped.)
> 
> I hope everyone else is feeling awesome & staying warm. ❤
> 
> Title comes from Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanac (1750): “Hide not your Talents, they for Use were made. What’s a Sun-Dial in the shade!”
> 
> (Four more chapters until the sequel! AAAAAH!)

Butch kept his eyes glued to the back of Abby’s head as they headed through the halls of the Citadel. Her curls bounced with every step and he might be a bit crazy, sure, but he was almost positive they were getting a little droopier as they went. Like all the determination and fire in her stride was slowly dying. They were nearly to their room when the bosun’s call went out over the intercom and she abruptly stopped. He just barely caught himself from crashing into her and frowned at the nearest speaker as a whine of feedback made his ears ring.

Cross’s voice, somber and clipped, came through loud enough that he winced. “Attention, brothers and sisters of the Eastern Chapter.”

Her hand tightened around his and he just barely caught her quiet sob as Cross took a breath to begin what was no doubt going to be a long-winded, epic speech destined for the history books. Everyone else in the hall had also stopped, tilting their heads up and listening with rapt attention. Which was good. Nobody was going to notice him making this particular executive decision.

Butch snatched Abby up and carried her into the closest room, which happened to be a storage closet. The heavy steel door shut behind them and Cross’s voice was almost completely silenced. Perfect.

She tried shoving him through her tears but only managed to push herself back. “What are you doing?!”

“I know how much you hate cryin' in front of people. Here.” He wrapped her in a hug and made sure to keep a hand over the ear that wasn’t pressed against his chest. “Can you still hear me?” She nodded and he kissed the top of her head. “Can you hear anything but me?”

“No.”

“Okay, good.” He rubbed her back, “Go ahead and cry, sweetheart. I’ll get you to our room the second the coast is clear, alright?”

“Alright.”

Butch hummed quietly and listened to Cross prattle on. To be honest, he didn’t know a heck of a lot about Elder Lyons. He knew the guy was from California and that he’d set up the place, sure, but other than that? Nada. Hearing his accomplishments go on and on and on, faithfully recited by his star paladin and little Artie, probably should’ve been interesting. Instead it had him spacing out like he was back in class. That kinda seemed disrespectful but he’d never been good at listening to anybody but Abby for long, uninterrupted periods of time. Every time he thought they were done, nope, more amazing shit to talk about. It was dark in the closet and without his Pipboy he had no idea how much time had gone by, but it sure seemed like at least fifteen minutes had passed before they finally stopped with the greatest hits parade.

“The rest of the day will be spent in reflection and mourning. All training is suspended for the next twenty-four hours. Voting for our new elder will commence promptly at 1100 tomorrow morning in the courtyard. I strongly encourage each of you to meditate on Elder Lyons’s vision for the Capitol Wasteland before choosing a candidate. Ad victoriam.”

A chorus of voices answered the salute and he finally let Abby’s head go. “It’s done, angel.”

She sniffled and kept holding onto him, “Was it nice?”

“Yeah, it was… it was nice.”

“Did Arthur sound okay?”

“He sounded great.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.” Butch turned to press his ear against the door and made a face, “Lotta talkin’ out there. We’ll wait until the hall clears, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I brought some cards and stuff. Or books if you’re not up for it. I figured we’d be stuck here for a few days at least, so I tried to be prepared.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I think I just want to lay down.”

“Okay. That’s okay, too.”

She sighed, “It’s not even lunchtime though.”

“Hey, if you’re tired, you’re tired. Nothin’ wrong with a nap.”

“I guess.”

He waited until the last of the murmurs and shuffling faded away before sticking his head out the door. “Looks like we’re in the clear. Guess everybody’s off meditatin’ or whatever.”

“Sarah said everyone would probably get drunk.”

“Huh. That doesn’t sound half bad actually.” He took the lead this time and hustled her back into their room. “There. Nice and private.”

“M’hmm.”

“Just gonna take off my boots.”

“Okay.”

He’d barely sat down when her vest was tossed onto the desk next to him. Thing almost hit him in the face and he laughed. “Hey, watch -- uh…” Butch watched with wide eyes as Abby ripped off her tank top next. He didn’t even know where the hell it went as he stared at her naked back. All he knew was he was suddenly front row center for the world’s fastest strip tease. Not even a tease. This was like the opposite of that. It wasn’t until he saw the angry, almost violent way she was trying to tear her jeans off that he finally regained some of his senses. “Baby? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to wear these clothes anymore!”

“Oh. Okay. Okay, yeah, uh…” He quickly ducked his head as she hooked her fingers into her panties and shut his eyes for good measure. “There’s some uh… y’know, sleep shirts and whatnot in your--”

“I want your shirt.”

“My shirt?”

“Please?”

He cautiously opened his eyes and stared at her bare feet standing between his boots. She had to be so close they were nearly touching but he wasn’t about to test the theory. Didn’t trust himself. “Okay.” He pulled it over his head and watched the hem of it fall to her knees. Then and only then did he look up.

She gave him a watery, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. It just smells like you. Like your jacket used to. It makes me feel better.”

He smiled back, “What’s mine is yours, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you.”

“Yup.” She went to find new panties and he resolutely jerked his head back down the second she bent over to pick up her pack. Didn’t even think to squat. Jesus.

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”

“You picked interesting underwear to pack.”

He snorted quietly, “Oh, you noticed that, huh?”

“M’hmm.”

He gave her a few seconds and chanced a peek. “Which ones did you pick?”

“I’m not telling.”

“Aw.” He almost made a crack about coming over there and finding out for himself, but this probably wasn’t the right time. The mood was all sad and somber. He’d just have to remember it and wait for the next time.

“I guess you’ll just have to come over here and find out.”

_ “Abigail!” _

She flopped onto the bed and rolled over towards the wall. “What?”

“I…” He stood up and pouted. “I was just about to say that but I thought it would be insensitive.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Nah, I’m just uh… I don’t really know what I’m doin’ here right now. Just tryin’ real hard to be supportive and --”

“You’re doing a good job.”

“Okay. Okay, great.”

“I’m just… I dunno. I feel weird.”

“Sure.” He flipped off the light and slipped into bed behind her, pulling her close. “That’s okay.”

“Like… I’m sad Elder Lyons died but mostly I just keep thinking about Daddy.”

“Pretty sure that’s normal.”

“I didn’t even get to bury him. He was too radioactive. The Brotherhood took care of…” She sighed, “He was cremated. Charon helped me put his ashes in the ocean after we got the purifier back.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Doctor Li said they did the same thing with my mother, so at least they’re together.”

“Yeah.” He hugged her a little tighter. “That’s nice.”

“M’hmm.” She turned in his arms and hid against his chest, whispering. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Citadel here or Capitol Wasteland here?”

“The second one.”

“Okay.”

“I’m so tired of seeing death everywhere I look. I want to go someplace new and bright and… I want to go someplace we can get lost in.”

“Well, then, California here we come.”

“You’re still sure you want to come with me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “Okay, good.”

“I’mma be a gunslinger. Get a cowboy hat and everything.”

“I thought you didn’t like wearing hats.”

“Well, I’ll have to come up with a do that goes better with the image, I guess. Maybe try a slicked back kinda thing. Be just like the Lone Ranger. Pew pew.”

“I bet you’d make a handsome cowboy.”

“You think?”

“M’hmm. Get a black hat.”

“I thought only the bad guys wore black hats.”

She laughed softly, “Well, Three Dog did say you were practically a raider.”

“Pfft. Now there’s a scandal. God’s favorite sweetheart in bed with a… what’d he call it…”

“A felonious ne'er-do-well.”

“Right!” He clicked his tongue in disapproval, “Just look at ya. All cuddled up with a notorious,  _ felonious _ ne’er-do-well in your fancy panties. Wearin’ his shirt, no less.  _ Scandal.” _

She scooted a little closer, “I kind of like being scandalous with you. You can be an outlaw and I’ll join the Followers, if they’ll have me.”

“They’d be idiots not to.”

“Well… I don’t know. Maybe they don’t count Vault-Tec training as a legitimate form of education.”

“So what? We’ll find some little town out in the middle of nowhere and you can set up a clinic. People need doctorin’, wherever you go.”

“Yeah. I guess that would work.”

“And I’ll wear a mask when I’m out doin’ nefarious shit so nobody’ll figure my secret identity.”

“Like Zorro.”

“Yeah, except I’m a bad guy, remember? Zorro was a good guy.”

“He was still an outlaw though! You can be an outlaw and still be a good guy.”

“That’s true so long as the powers that be are all assholes.”

“Exactly.”

“What if they ain’t though?”

“Um… then you could be the sheriff.”

“The sheriff? You want me to straight up goody two-shoes?”

“No, of course not. You could be a rough and tumble code of the cowboy type of lawman. Know no higher authority than your own.”

“Except you.”

“Except me? I’m the authority?”

“You’ve always been the authority, dumb-dumb. You’re the angel on my shoulder, remember? If I’m not followin’ your orders, I’m lost.”

“I thought you hated all types of authority.”

“Yeah, except you. Other assholes tryin’ to boss me around makes me wanna punch somebody. Always has. But you doin’ it? Come on. It’s the hottest goddamn thing in the world.”

“You're silly.”

“I am not! Look, when you told me to kick that guy’s ass… Scribe whatshisface --”

“Bigsley.”

“Yeah, that little bitch. That look you gave me when you were tellin’ me to take out the trash?  _ Shit. _ I wanted to just throw you down on that desk right then and there.”

_ “Butch!” _

“I did! I really did. I can’t even think about it too hard now or it’ll get me goin’.”

“Is that… is that really true?”

“It really is, yeah.”

“Oh.” She chewed on her lip for a moment and finally huffed to herself. It was embarrassing, but he’d just confessed all that nonsense to her. She should reciprocate, right? “Butch?”

“Hmm?”

“I uh…” Her finger traced meaningless patterns along his chest as she attempted to find the fortitude to say this terribly embarrassing thing. “I… kinda like it when you beat up people for me.”

“You do?”

“It’s… stupid and juvenile and --”

“Like it how?”

Ugh, he was really going to make her say it. She sighed, “When you went after Jericho and I read all the injuries on his chart it was… exciting, and then when you beat up Bigsley, my heart was racing the whole time. I… I wanted to watch, actually, but Sarah wouldn’t let me.”

“Holy shit.”

“I’m not saying you should run around pummeling everyone in sight or anything.”

“Right.”

“I mean, I used to hate it when you’d push people around in the vault.”

“Hmm.”

“And I think it’d be a huge step backward to just start bullying people again, so --”

“What about when I beat up Freddie?”

“What?”

“It was in the cafeteria. You and Amata had a booth and he was hangin’ around. I --”

“You grabbed him by the back of his vaultsuit and tossed him over the counter. I remember.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled, “Clocked him real good with a tray.”

“Hmm.”

“I can remember lookin’ over and you were watchin’, but you didn’t look all pissed off like usual. Amata dragged you out the door before security showed up.”

“Right. That was just after the G.O.A.T..”

“Yup.”

“You beat up Freddie a lot that year.”

“Yes, I did. He deserved it.”

“For the high crime of hero-worshipping you? Yes, that must have been terrible to endure.”

“No, for bein’ a goddamn jerk! I watched that whole mess at Homecoming go down with my own two eyes, y’know! You were just bein’ polite to the guy and he comes at you like a dead fish. Shit. I wanted to beat the crap outta him then but you beat me to it!” He scoffed, “And then when you told me how godawful it was, that just made me even more pissed off. Asshole had no right stealin’ your first kiss like that. Goddamn vulture.”

Abby laughed, “So you were defending my honor? Is that what it was?”

“Yeah! Plus… I mean, I felt like it was kinda my fault to begin with. Wally dared him to kiss the next girl who walked in and then you showed up and I woulda stopped it if I hadn’t been so busy starin’ at you like some kind idiot.”

“It was a dare?!”   


“It was a dare. To be fair to Wally, not that he deserves it, he never thought Freddie would actually go through with it, but the kid was always so desperate to impress us and all… Paulie felt bad about it, too. He said you were too nice to mess with like that anymore.”

“Oh… that was sweet of him.”

“Yeah. Paulie was good people.”

“He kinda was, wasn’t he?”

“Hmm… so?”

“So what?”

“So did you secretly like it when I was beatin’ the snot outta that would-be Casanova?”

“Uh… I guess maybe a little.”

“You  _ guess _ maybe a  _ little? _ What kinda answer is that?”

“It’s the only answer you’re getting.”

“Ha.”

“You don’t think that’s kind of… gross, though?”

“What? You enjoyin’ watchin’ me put jackasses in their place?”

“Yeah.”

“No. Why the hell do you think I do it for? If you ain't into it then there's no point.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah… it’s like Mac always yellin’ and whatever. He just acts that way to impress his girl. Guys will do the dumbest shit to impress their one and onlys.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“M’hmm.”

“Daddy almost died trying to impress my mother.”

“That’s what I heard. What’d he do anyway?”

“Well… when he originally told me the story, it went like… there was a problem with the reactor and he and a bunch of other men went to handle it, but a swarm of radroaches appeared and he lured them away using himself as bait and then had to fight them off. He was injured and she helped nurse him back to health and that was it.”

“Uh-huh. Florence Nightingale syndrome strikes again.”

“Right. But, that story wasn’t the truth because he had to kind of rewrite it for the vault, see? I read the real story in his journal.”

“What was it?”

“Mostly the same, except it wasn’t radroaches. It was super mutants.”

“Jesus.”

“And the men with him were actually Brotherhood instead of a few of the other dads in the vault.”

“Right.”

“He deliberately led a hunting party away from the purifier and then used explosives to take most of them out, but it also unfortunately injured him. He was all shot up and both of his legs had been broken by the time the knights found him and dragged him back.”

“Wow. Your dad was  _ nuts.” _

“Sometimes.” She shrugged, “I guess he was worried Mother was really going to marry that Knight Torres person so he wanted to show her he wasn’t just another egghead, you know?”

“That makes sense in a really dumb way.”

“I guess.”

“Hey, it’s almost lunchtime. You want me to go grab you somethin’.”

“No. Can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

“Unless you’re hungry, of course.”

“Nah, I’m good. Jenny grabbed me as soon as I stepped outta my house this mornin’ and stuffed some godawful shit down my throat. She called it razorgrain oatmeal but I’m pretty sure it was wallpaper paste. I’ll probably be full 'til next year.”

She giggled and hid a yawn behind her hand, “The Stahls really can’t cook.”

“No, they cannot. I dunno how the hell they even stay in business.”

“Charity.”

He snorted, “Yeah, that’s gotta be it.”

She dropped off into a fitful sleep not too long after. Butch spent the first hour just marveling at the fact that he was laying in bed with his not-a-girl-friend and playing with her hair. He kept waiting for the novelty to wear off but it really didn’t. Boredom, however, definitely set in and, thanks to the awesome dexterity he apparently had in his toes, he was able to drag her bag up onto the bed with them and spent the next four hours beating every pitifully low high score she’d logged in her Pipboy games. He took a particularly peevish kind of pride in erasing Mac’s initials from Atomic Command and Zeta Invaders.

Eventually though, dinnertime rolled around and his stomach started rumbling. She was still out like a light, so he typed a quick note on her Pipboy, switched himself out for a pillow and slipped out of the room. The halls were quieter than he was used to but the mess was as crowded as ever. He stood in the chowline and frowned a little when he noticed every person walking away with some big bottle of… somethin’. He had no idea what the fuck it was.

“DeLoria.”

He turned and grinned, “Dusk. How’s the greatest sniper in the wasteland doin’?”

She sighed and wrinkled her nose, “I dunno yet. Ask me again after the vote.”

“Aw, you ain’t really worried about that, are ya? Sarah’s a shoe in. Come on.”

“I dunno. Not every guy in this place is as enlightened as you are.”

“Pfft. Enlightened. Yeah. That describes me to a T.”

“You know what I mean. Most of these assholes aren’t going to be comfortable with the idea of a female elder.”

“Yeah, I know. Same shit always happened in the vault. I think Amata’s the first female overseer they’ve had in… ever, so far as I know. And she wasn’t really voted in, exactly. It was more like a hostile takeover.”

“Hmm. Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that out here.”

“Yeah, no joke. Our civil war was bad enough and we only had like, five guns between us. I can’t even imagine y’all goin’ at it with all your power armor and whatnot.”

“Well I can. I’m old enough to remember what happened when the Outcasts defected. If Elder Lyons hadn’t stepped in and let them go peacefully, it would have been a bloodbath.”

He shrugged, “I wouldn’t worry about it. Even if shit does pop off, so long as you’re on Sarah and Abby’s side, you’ll be alright.”

Dusk chuckled, “You sure you don’t want to sign up? Just long enough to vote? I could get you kicked out right after.”

“Ha, no. Don’t try that bait and switch shit with me. I know how you all operate.”

“Aw.” They shuffled forward a bit and she poked him in the back. “Hey.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to be nosy or anything, but… where’s your shirt?”

“Somebody’s borrowin’ it.”

“Hmm… and your boots?”

Butch glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at her blatantly gleeful interest. “Just gonna get right back into bed. Wasn’t worth the hassle.”

“Right. Right. That’s smart.”

“M’hmm.”

She nodded, “Yup… so… are you, y’know, one of those family types, DeLoria? Or --”

“Is this about that pool Glade started for Abby gettin’ knocked up?”

“Uh… no? No, of course not! I… I would never! Lane is a respected member of the Pride and we would _never --”_

“Cause she ain’t.”

“Dammit.”

He snickered, “What’s it up to?”

“It hit a thousand caps last time you guys were here.”

“We didn’t even show up together.”

“Yeah, I know. I know all about Lane slinking in here looking all mopey and shit, and then you came running through the gates in the rain like a deathclaw was on your tail a couple hours later.  _ Everybody _ saw it and everybody assumed you guys would… you know, make up in a big way, so…”

“Ah. Okay.”

She sighed, “I should’ve gone with my gut. Lane’s a little… old fashioned. She probably won’t even go off the shot until after you guys are hitched or whatever.”

The shot? Was Abby actually on some kind of birth control he didn’t know about? Why? And why hadn’t she said anything? “Yeah, probably.”

“You know, Vargas actually tried to con Sawbones into telling him if she was off it yet or not, but he just kept reciting some weird oath thing at him. Got stuck in a loop or something.”

“Huh.” He finally got up to the window and nodded to the cook. “Two of whatever’s got the most protein.”

Dusk snorted, “Jeez, DeLoria. Go a  _ little _ easy on her.”

“Oh, ha ha.” He rolled his eyes, “Abby’s just got a thing about meat.”

“Yeah, I bet she does, beefcake.”

“Hey. Watch it. Just ‘cause you’re a chick don’t mean you get to run your mouth on her, alright? I’m  _ enlightened _ , remember? I give out equal opportunity ass-whuppin’s all the time.”

“Oh, you do not. I bet you’ve never hit a woman in your life.”

“Maybe not, but I’m sure the same principles apply and there’s a first time for everything.”

“Pfft.”

He took their trays and frowned as a large plastic bottle of something was shoved into his hand. “What the hell is this?”

Dusk pushed him out of the way, “It’s Maddog 30/30.”

“And that is?”

“Elder Lyons’s favorite drink. It’s tradition to have a toast to the elder when they pass with their favorite drink.”

“You guys just had a big supply of this shit sittin’ around waitin’ for this moment?”

“No, of course not. Elder Lyons had his own supply that he brought in from California but since it’s not hard to duplicate, the cooks have been making it all day.”

“Oh. What’s it taste like?”

“I dunno. Have you ever had wine before?”

“Nah.”

“Me, either, but apparently it’s some kind of wine. So… grapes, I guess?”

“Oh, I like grape.”

“What’s not to like?”

Butch made his way back to their room and had probably more fun than was absolutely necessary scandalizing a few initiates along the way. A few winks here, a couple of shit-eating-grins there. He couldn’t help himself. The giggling and whispering that swirled around him was just too damn tempting. Especially now that he had that stupid bet confirmed. Shit, he might even go slap a few caps down himself just to watch the frenzy unfold.

Whole damn Citadel was like it’s own little Peyton Place. It was ridiculous.

His swell mood died an instant death as he rounded the corner. Abby stood in the doorway of their room, looking tiny and overwhelmed as two jerks in long robes kept talking at her. Even when her eyes fell on him and she stopped trying to speak, they were so up their own asses that they didn’t even notice. He didn’t know what the hell was going on here, but he knew he didn’t like it.

“Hey!” He scowled as the two jumped and turned to face him. “The fuck you think you’re doin’?”

The woman with short white hair recovered first and politely cleared her throat. “Ah, you must be Butch DeLoria. We’ve heard a lot about --”

“Save it. I ain’t interested. I asked you a question.”

“Uh…”

Abby sighed, “Butch, they’re here to --”

“Nah, nah, nah. I didn’t ask  _ you _ a question. I asked  _ them.” _ He shouldered his way past the two and handed her their provisions. “Go on back inside, sweetheart. I’ll handle this.”

She accepted the trays and watched him set the bottle inside their room when she couldn’t take it. “O-okay.”

“Okie dokie.” He smiled at her and gently closed the door before turning back to the scribes. Arms folded and frowning like a thundercloud down at them. “Now then. Back to the topic at hand. What the fuck do you think you’re doin’ botherin’ Abby?”

She tried again, “Mr. DeLoria, my name is Scribe Jameson. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

“Nope.”

“O-oh… well, I am the chapter’s Proctor for the Order of the Quill and the Keeper of the Scrolls. This is Scribe Yearling, my associate.”

“Uh-huh.”

“We’re here to interview Knight Lane on the passing of Elder Lyons.”

“Why?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said  _ why? _ It ain’t a hard question.”

“Uh… well, it’s imperative that we get her testimony into the scrolls as quickly as possible, you see. So many details can be lost as time goes by. Now, I realize that she was quite close to Elder Lyons and that this is no doubt a distressing --”

“Abby has infallible recall.”

“What?”

“It means she’s got a mind like a steel trap. She’s never wrong and she doesn’t forget anything. Ever. So no, you  _ don’t _ actually need to get her testimony into your goddamn scrolls right this second. You can wait a while.”

“But --”

“I bet y’all aren’t even gonna  _ dream _ of botherin’ Sarah with this bullshit, are you? No. Of course not. The woman just lost her father. And Abby just lost her…” He frowned to himself as he belatedly remembered their familial connection wasn’t supposed to be common knowledge. “Her  _ very important _ father figure. So if you don’t mind, kindly step off. She’ll come to you when she’s good and ready.”

She stood up a little straighter, “Mr. DeLoria, we are under Scribe Rothchild’s direct orders to get this done today. No matter Knight Lane’s personal feelings on the matter, as Brotherhood soldiers, we all have a duty to perform here. I wouldn’t expect a civilian to understand, but I am sure Knight Lane will.”

“Oh, yeah?” He leaned down until their noses were practically touching. “Well  _ Knight  _ Lane is off duty at the moment and  _ Abby _ Lane’s daddy says  _ no, _ you dig? It ain’t happenin’ and if you wanna go bitch about it to your big grand high king poohbah of the nerds, go right on ahead. Sarah’s been lookin’ for a target since her pops passed and I’d sure love to give her one.”

“That… I’m sure none of that is necessary.”

“Great! So we all agree! The two of you are gonna beat feet away from here and Abby’ll pencil you in to her very busy schedule. Done. Problem solved. Good night, ladies.” He opened the door behind him and stepped back inside.

Scribe Yearling looked over at Jameson and whispered, “Her  _ daddy?” _

He snorted in amusement and shut the door in their very confused faces. “That takes care of that.”

Abby pouted at him from the bed, “You’re going to get me in trouble.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. They’re all countin’ on it.”

“What?”

“Nothin’.” He sat and poked at his own pile of slop, “The heck is this anyway?”

“Some kind of deathclaw scramble, I think.”

“Breakfast for dinner, huh? Alright. That works.”

She nudged the bottle sitting against the wall with her foot. “What’s that?”

“Somethin’ called Maddog 30/30.”

“Elder Lyons’s favorite.”

“Right.”

“The toast.”

“Right again.”

Her nose wrinkled, “I hate alcohol.”

He shrugged, “If you want, I can go pour it out. It’s not like anybody’ll know.”

“I’d know… it’s okay. It’s just one glass, right?”

“Right. We toast, we drink, we’re done.”

“Yeah.” She sighed and picked at her food. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Still gotta eat, baby.”

“Okay.”

He hated seeing her so down in the dumps, even if it was probably inescapable right now. “Hey, you know what?”

“What?”

“By the time we get back to Megaton, we’ll only have one day left in our week.”

Abby’s cheeks went a bit pink, “I… I didn’t know if we were pressing pause on that or…”

“I don’t see why we have to.” He shrugged, “The point of taking the week was so we could get used to being together as an actual couple. We’ll definitely be together the whole time we’re here. We’ve got time to get comfortable with each other. It’s fine.”

“Get comfortable with each other?”

“Yeah, like… well, earlier today, for example. You took your clothes off and I about had an aneurysm.”

“Oh.” She giggled at the face he pulled. “Sorry.”

“Nope. Don’t be sorry. You wanna get naked, you can definitely get naked. I would just like to not stroke out every time it happens otherwise when the time comes, I’m gonna be _ real  _ embarrassed.”

“I didn’t even really think about it.”

“M’hmm.”

“I just… wanted out of those clothes.”

“Sure.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s cool. I get it, and it all worked out fine… uh… just, for future reference, you taking your clothes off in front of me kinda feels like you’re waving a red flag at a bull, y’know? It makes it a lot harder to be a gentleman and all.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

She nodded thoughtfully, “That’s good to know. For future reference.”

His eyes narrowed, “Hey, stop it. Stop it with the face.”

“What face?”

“That’s your ‘I’m gettin’ an idea that’s gonna give Butch a heart attack’ face.”

“That’s a very specific description.”

“Well, it’s a very specific face. So stop thinkin’ whatever the hell it is you’re thinkin’ about and eat your dinner.”

She frowned, “You’re awfully bossy right now.”

“I’m in daddy mode.”

“You’re still not my daddy.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I’m _always_ gonna be your daddy, alright? Whether you like it or not.”

Abby rolled her eyes, “What if I went around telling people I was your mama? Wouldn’t that sound ridiculous?”

“Nah, that sounds kinda hot actually.”

“Oh, honestly.”

“I could totally get into that.” He grinned, “You gonna rock me to sleep, Mama?”

“Shut up.”

“See, I’d be more than happy to be your baby. I dunno why you don’t wanna be mine. I feel like that’s kinda rude.”

“It is not --”

“Reciprocity.”

“That is not what reciprocity even means!”

“Sure it is. I give a little, you give a little. Reciprocity.”

“That’s  _ compromise!” _

“Well, let’s compromise then! Oh! That’s what we can toast to! Elder Lyons believed in compromise, right?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, there you go.” He grabbed their empty trays and set them on the desk. “Aw, shit. I just realized. No cups.”

“That’s okay. I don’t really plan on drinking a lot anyway.”

“Right. Okay. Well…” He sat back down and unscrewed the bottle before raising it up. “To Elder Lyons, the great compromiser. May you… uh… ascend to whatever the Brotherhood’s version of Valhalla is. You were a hell of a guy.”

“And may he meet Marie again.”

“Yeah.” He took a drink and passed it over, swishing it around thoughtfully before swallowing. “That don’t taste nothin’ like grapes. It’s like… honey and oranges or…” He finally realized Abby was still drinking and stared at her for a moment. “Candy. Abby!”

“What?” She was panting a little to catch her breath and smiled at him. “It's _tasty,_ right? I don’t even think there’s any alcohol in this.”

Butch tugged the bottle out of her hands and turned it around but there was no label or anything. “Nah, there’s alcohol in this.” He’d barely had any and he could already feel it warming his stomach. Abby had guzzled down almost a fourth of it all by herself and God only knew how she’d react. “I think you should probably lay back down. Or have a water. Water sounds good, right?”

“Okay.”

“Alright.” He did not like the bright, cheerful red that was creeping into the apples of her cheeks one bit and set the bottle out of her reach on the nightstand. “Lemme just find…” By the time he found a can of Aqua Pura, she’d somehow snuck the bottle back and was drinking again. “Hey! Stop it!” He snatched it away and ignored her pitiful pouting after. He especially ignored the little shining drops that had run down her chin and he _ absolutely _ refused to acknowledge the way she was wiping them away and sucking them off her fingers. “You’re gonna get drunk and act like an idiot.”

“It’s just like fruit juice or something.”

“Uh-huh.” He frowned at the bottle in his hand, capped it and shook it hard. Large bubbles formed and almost instantly disappeared. That meant it was somehow even a higher proof than his ma’s favorite vodka. “Fuck.”

“Hmm?”

“Shit’s like moonshine.” Okay, she definitely couldn’t reach the top of the locker, right? Not without moving furniture and he’d notice something like that. He put the bottle up and passed her the can of water. “Drink this.”

“Okay.”

“Like uncle like niece, huh?”

She smiled dreamily, “It’s kinda nice knowing I have something in common with Elder Lyons.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

“Did you not like it?”

“I liked it fine.”

“You should finish it.”

He made a face, “No, I shouldn’t. Tryin’ to get away from that, remember?”

“But it’s a special occasion.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“We should try to find champagne for when we get married. Daddy said they had champagne.”

Butch watched her hum cheerfully, toes tapping the air along to the beat, and sighed, “Alright. Fuck it.” At least this way there’d be no way for her to drink the rest, right? He brought it to his lips and paused at the way she’d started to giggle. “What?”

She hid behind her can of water, “You’re really handsome.”

He snorted, “Okay then.”

Abby watched him kill the bottle and the urge to giggle only grew. Especially when she noticed the weirdly sexy way his throat moved as he swallowed. She finally realized he must have walked through the entire Citadel with his shirt off and her whole face went pink at the idea of it. She tried to take another sip of water, but it was hard with all the laughing she couldn’t seem to stop doing.

“What’re you gigglin’ at now?”

The mattress rocked under her and before she knew it, he was right there. Sitting so close their arms touched. She had the strangest impulse to crawl into his lap. “You’re half naked.”

“So are you.”

“You went and  _ got dinner _ half naked.”

“Oh.” He shrugged, “Yeah. I did.”

“I bet everybody was freaking out. It was probably the best day ever for your fan club.”

“Nah… I got a few lingering glances and whatnot, but it was alright.”

She immediately pouted, “I don’t like that.”

“Like what?”

“People looking at you. _ I’m _ supposed to look at you. Not  _ other people.” _

“You’re only jealous when you’re drunk, huh?”

“No, I hate it all the time.” She glared at him, “And I’m not drunk. That’s very presumptuous of you to assume I am.”

He chuckled, “Alright, sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“You are though.” Before she could even argue, he’d taken her can away and held her hand in his. “I _hate_ it when anybody looks at you. Makes me want to gouge their eyes out with a dull pencil.”

“Aw, really?”

“Really.”

“That is so sweet.”

“Alright, I changed my mind.”

“What?”

“I think I kinda like you like this. I was worried it was gonna be the Calmex all over again, but you’re a lot more lucid and agreeable this time around.”

“That’s because I am not --” She blinked and suddenly she was sprawled out on his chest while he reclined on the bed. “-- drunk… what just happened?”

Butch snorted, “You’re so wasted.”

“I am not!”

“Nah, you really are.”

His stupidly handsome face was annoyingly smug and she scowled at him. “You’re lucky this is my favorite place in the whole wide world, or I would be very cross with you right now.”

“The Citadel’s your favorite place?”

“Ew, no. No, I hate it here.” Abby laid her head down and sighed,  _ “This _ is my favorite place.”

“Oh.”

A heavy hand settled on her back and rubbed little circles through her shirt. “Mmm. It’s nice.”

“It is nice, huh?”

“Yup.” She listened to his heartbeat thudding away in her ear and the soft humming of some lullaby she only half remembered. Everything was absolutely perfect except… “Take off your jeans.”

“Excuse me?”

She rubbed her calf along his thigh and grumped, “They’re scratchy.”

“Oh. Oooh, right. You’ve got that thing about textures and… I thought you were tryin’ to take advantage of me there for a minute.”

“Well, I could if you wanted me to.”

“M’hmm. I bet.”

Abby didn’t bother opening her eyes while he moved and shifted around under her, just smiled as the rocking motion almost had her falling off. His exasperated huff as he got her rearranged made her giggle.

“Cupcakes.”

“What?”

“I saw your panties and I’mma call you cupcake from now until forever.”

“Oh, that’s so mean.”

“It fits you perfect. You’re too little to be a whole cake, so you’re a cupcake. Ha.”

“Mean, mean, mean.”

“Cupcake, cupcake, cupcake.”

Abby growled and turned her head to bite him. “Mean!”

“Hey! Ow! I’m _sorry!_ Shit!”

“Hmph.”

“Always gotta bring violence into everything. Damn.”

She pouted. He had a point. She did escalate. That wasn’t nice. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, whatever.”

A loud pop and the sharp, stinging pain searing her bottom that immediately followed had her jumping.  _ “Ow!” _

“Heh.”

“Did you just spank me?!”

“You deserved it. We don’t bite people. They taught us that in kindergarten.”

Abby lifted her head and frowned at him, “Nova says people bite other people all the time.”

His eyebrow quirked up, “How the hell did that come up in conversation?”

“There was a mark on her neck and I asked if she’d been attacked.”

“Pfft, ha. Of course you did.”

“Do you like to do stuff like that?”

He shrugged, “Sometimes.”

“Why do people do it?”

“What’d Nova say?”

“I didn’t ask her. It didn’t feel like it was any of my business what she did while she was on the clock.”

“Mmm. Well, I dunno why other people do it, but for me, it’s probably fifty percent markin’ my territory, twenty percent I want them to see it later and remember how it happened and twenty percent I just can’t help myself.”

“That’s only ninety percent.”

“Shit, really?”

“Yup.”

“Huh… y'know, that stuff might’ve had a  _ lot _ of alcohol in it.”

She scooted up a bit and sat up further, “So if I bite you on the neck where everybody could see it, then jerks who look at you will know you’re mine and stop looking?”   


“Well… I guess that’s kind of the theory.”

“Hmm.”

“But it’s not just biting, y’know. Biting is actually just a tiny, tiny part of it. Leavin’ a hickey on somebody is an art.”

“It is?”

“Yup.”

“I’m not very good at art.”

“Takes practice is all. Just like with anything else.”

“Hmm…” She frowned, “Hey, wait, you said you were going to teach me something new today.”

“Yup, I did, but then stuff happened so…”

“What were you going to teach me?”

“Third base.”

“I don’t really know what that is.”

“Exactly. I was gonna teach you.”

She finally sat all the way up, “But now you’re not?”

“You were super sad, angel. I didn’t wanna push you or anything.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Could we maybe turn off the light and have a modified lesson? Maybe?” She pouted and added, “Professor?”

He pouted back, “Well, I was gonna say no but then you went and called me professor and that did it.”

A bright grin crossed her face and she clapped, “Yay!”

“M’hmm.” He let her slide off before he moved to get the light. “Of course, if you’d called me  _ daddy, _ we coulda done our original lesson and  _ then some.”  _ He flipped the switch and the room went dark and still until a cranky, petulant raspberry was blown into the silence. “Ha. That’s whatcha get.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW Maddog 30/30 (based on the RL Maddog 20/20) is a beverage in Fallout 2. I'm pretty sure it's just malt liquor, but I thought making it a fortified wine akin to brandy would be better.
> 
> It just more Elder Lyons-y.


	27. I will prepare and someday my chance will come.

Butch clapped his hands together and grinned into the darkness. “Alright. Here we go. The art of the hickey.” He ambled back over the bed, “Now, the first thing you gotta think about is placement. It’s very important. See, you…” He paused and patted the mattress with his hand. Felt like Abby wasn’t there at all. “Angel? Where’d you go?”

He’d hardly got the question out when his legs were swept out from under him and he barely managed to catch himself on the bed. A little ‘oof’ of air escaped him as he landed and if it hadn’t been for the immediate giggling that followed, he still wouldn’t have realized she was right there under him.

“The hell was that for?!”

“It had to be done. You were being _very_ high-handed just then. Somebody had to take you down.”

“Oh, and it just had to be you?”

“I was the only one available, yes.”

He made a face but it was hard to hold onto a sense of outrage when her hands were sliding over his back, pulling him closer. “I could’ve squished you. Don’t you teach a whole class around here about how not to get squished?”

“Maybe I like it when you squish me.”

“I’m serious, short stack. I’m more than twice your weight. What if I’d hurt you?”

“I wasn’t going to get hurt. I was watching you the whole time.”

“Oh, so now you have built-in night vision?”

“No, but I closed my eyes before the lights went out, so they adjusted faster.”

“You always think you’re so goddamn smart.”

“Yup.”

He huffed and wrapped an arm around her so they could switch places. Despite her alleged love of being squished by him, having to make sure his bulk never truly collapsed onto her required more brain power than he was capable of right now. Anyway, the pouty, disgruntled noises she made over it was pretty cute.

“There. That’s better.”

“I always end up sitting on you.”

“You got a problem with bein’ on top?”

“No, I just… I dunno. I like being surrounded by you. It’s nice.”

“Aw.” He sat up and enveloped her in a hug. “There. How's that?”

Abby huffed but snuggled into it anyway. “It’s pretty good. Not  _ as _ good, but okay.”

“Heh.”

It was actually _real_ good, at least from his side. Her sitting in his lap just seemed to work best as far as he could see. Safer, too. This way if things ever got out of hand or he accidentally went faster than she wanted, she had an easy exit. Plus, he was free to use both his hands. Didn’t have to worry about keeping his weight braced off her or anything.

The idea that this might end up being  _ the _ position settled in his mind and there wasn’t really much room for anything else once that happened. The next thing he knew, they were making out like their lives depended on it. She tasted amazing with the sweet candy coating of that stupid wine on her tongue. He felt drunk twice over at the slow, lazy way they ground against each other. Doing this was so much better when they were both down to their underwear. It'd felt great before, sure, but his stupid jeans had made it impossible for him to truly appreciate just how hot the wet heat between her legs was. That and the added temptation of just brushing aside those two thin layers of cotton and seeing exactly how far they could really get made his head spin.

Abby was fairly certain that if there was a heaven, this is what it felt like. Comforting strength all around her, Butch’s warm breath in her lungs and his hands gliding across her skin. It was perfect. Especially the way his hard arousal collided with the way her core was melting. That actually had her squirming with need. She wasn’t sure how her body was so adamantly positive that it  _ needed _ him inside her when it had never happened before, but it definitely was. It felt every bit as important and imperative as breathing.

She knew he’d never just skip ahead to what they both wanted though. His stubbornness in that regard was as obnoxious as it was adorably old-fashioned and she’d already given up trying to convince him otherwise. Mostly. Focusing on what she wasn’t getting here would just drive her nuts, so she decided instead to focus on what she was getting.

Because it was pretty great, all things considered.

His touch was so gentle and patient as he showed her how to move and flow with him. It was hard to reconcile the careful slide of his hands against her skin with how strong he actually was. Especially when his kisses were so desperate and hungry. Just when she started feeling lightheaded and breathless, he switched to nibbling down her jaw. Her head just seemed to fall naturally to the side as he latched onto her neck and she whimpered at the biting pressure that formed on that spot. It hurt just a little, but not in a bad way. It only seemed to heighten the deliciousness of what was happening everywhere else.

Her nails dug into his skin and he groaned and pressed her that much harder against his lap. She was increasingly aware of the annoying way her stupid shirt kept coming between them. His hands felt blazingly hot on her skin and then would be temporarily muted as they moved across the smooth fabric. It was in the way. It had to go.

Abby tore it off over her head and paused as a startled sound came out of Butch. She laughed a little at the wide-eyed look he gave her and tossed the offensive garment somewhere behind him. “What?”

He finally blinked and grinned, “Nothin’.”

“I had too many clothes on.”

“That’s true. You did. You definitely did.”

“M’hmm.” She closed her eyes and shivered as his hands ghosted up her back. “Oh, that’s so much better.”

He chuckled when she started nibbling kisses up his shoulder and neck. “You’re so soft.”

“You’re so warm.”

“Nowhere near as warm as you feel right now.” His hands finally settled on her hips and he experimentally stretched his fingers out. He was able to touch his middle fingertips together without much effort. She wasn’t quite teeny enough he could span her waist with his hands or anything, but still. He’d never felt more like a bull in a china shop. Worse, even. A bull somebody had handed a priceless porcelain doll to.

Abby finally noticed the way he’d gone still and quiet and put her own exploration on pause. “What?”

“You’re just… you’re always larger than life to me, so I forget how little you are, and then we get here and you’re…” He sighed, “I know you’re strong and all and I know you could put me in the dirt if you wanted, but you just feel so…”

“You won't hurt me.”

“I don’t  _ wanna _ hurt you, sure, but --”

“Butch, you aren’t going to hurt me. Stop worrying about it.”

“You know that never actually helps, right? Tellin’ somebody to stop worryin’? It never works.”

She huffed, “Well, would it help if I told you I can think of four ways to kill you right now?”

“What?”

“Yup. Just sitting here in my panties, completely unarmed. At least four ways… five if I could get the bedframe to cooperate.”

“You… Jesus, that shit just spins around in your head all the time?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“You know, piranha are small, too.” She tugged his hand away from her waist and spread her palm across his. The difference in size was kind of comical, really, but it’s not like it actually mattered. “Most species are smaller than your hand, but… if you fell into the water with them, they could still strip all the flesh off your bones in about five minutes.”

“Damn.”

“I know I was weak and helpless in the vault. I know that… and I know there’s always going to be a part of you that still sees me like that --”

“No. That’s not… that’s really not it at all.”

“Really? Because  _ I _ still see myself that way sometimes.” She shrugged, “I can’t help how I'm built. People still don’t really see me as a serious threat unless they know who I am. They probably never will… but that’s okay.” Abby grinned at him, “Because I’m a piranha. Little body. Big teeth.” She brought his hand up to her mouth and pretended to chomp it. “See? I’m super scary.”

Butch laughed and ruffled her hair, “You’re super cute is what you are.”

Six. There were six ways she could kill him if she had to. Not that she would ever have to, or even want to. Once her mind started rolling down that road, it just kind of kept going on its own though. She’d never felt bad about it before, but she did tonight. He was torturing himself with silly improbable scenarios of somehow breaking her and, even after being told directly, didn’t seem to understand that if anyone was in danger here, it was him. He was the one with a dangerous killing machine in his lap.

She didn’t understand that. He’d seen firsthand what she was capable of with Braun and he’d sat in on that lesson she’d given the squires. She’d told him about Jericho and goodness only knew what rumors about her he’d heard.

But he still looked at her like she was some delicate little flower in need of protection and care. And she  _ liked _ it. That part that had her feeling guilty, too. She liked being seen as something she wasn’t anymore. Or… she liked that he still saw who she was deep down, maybe? That was slightly less awful. She’d probably always be a big baby at her core and it was pretty nice to have somebody around who seemed to realize that.

Still, even when his lips were back on hers and his hand had palmed her breast, her stupid brain just kept cataloging ways to escape a hypothetical situation that was never going to happen. That was maddening when all she wanted to do was concentrate on how electrifying it was having his tongue lavish her nipple with sweet attention.

Her back arched as she leaned into his touch and her eyes landed on her Pipboy on the bedside table for less than half a second.

“Eight.”

His mouth kept nibbling at her skin. “Hmm?”

“I’m up to eight ways. I could clock you upside the head with the sharp edge of my Pipboy.”

Butch finally let her go with an audible pop and scowled, “Alright, I  _ get it. _ Jeez.”

“I’m sorry. They just keep coming to me.”

“Y’know, you don’t have to rub being so damn gifted in the art of killin’ a man right in my face, okay? I don’t sit here listin’ all the ways I could have you screaming my name, now do I? No, I do not. Because I ain’t rude like that.”

She frowned, “What?”

“You’re just showin’ off now. Stop it. Nobody likes a show off.”

“I am not!”

_ "Eight. _ Pssh. Like I’m supposed to be impressed. I got eight just involving the desk over there. Shit.”

“Eight  _ what?” _

“Eight ways to curl your toes. Don’t even get me started. You aren’t the only genius in the joint, alright?”

Abby stared at him with her mouth open and then turned to stare at the desk. “Eight with just the... really?”

“Could be nine. Can you touch your toes?”

“Uh… yes?”

“Then it’s nine.”

“Hmm.” She turned back to face him and smiled, “What about right here?”

“What, you mean in bed?”

“Yeah.”

_ “Infinite.” _

“Infinite?”

“Yup. Infinite. Bed’s like… my preferred medium.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Every artist has one. You like your little knives and all, and I like beds.”

“Hmm.”

“Yeah. So there you go.”

She pouted, “And yet, here I sit, toes decidedly uncurled, _maestro.”_

“Yeah, and I ain’t dead yet, Lizzie Borden. So what’s your point?”

Abby giggled and it only got worse when he joined in, “You know, the French way to say orgasm is actually _ la petite mort.  _ It means the little death.”

“Is that so?”

“M’hmm.”

“Well, then maybe we’re both masters of murder. You’re a murderer of men. I’m a murderer of pussy. I don’t see that there’s much of a difference there.”

She’d started laughing so hard she could barely breathe, “I’m pretty sure most of the bad guys I’ve encountered would beg to differ with you. They’d probably have been a lot happier going out your way.”

“Ha, somehow I doubt that. At least your way’s usually quick and painless. If I gotta fuck a guy to death, that’s gonna take a minute and it’ll probably smart after a while.”

Abby collapsed against him as they both laughed too hard to continue talking. She had tears in her eyes and was wiping them away with the back of her hand, still giggling madly, when movement distracted her.

There was a wiggling happening in Butch’s boxers that had a whole new set of giggles tumbling out of her. There shouldn’t be anything funny about it, really. Laughing about it was silly in and of itself. She knew what it was. She knew how all that stuff worked. Bodily functions had never really been  _ funny _ to her before but this one _ was _ for some reason. Absurdly so. She watched it for almost a full minute and pouted when the wiggling stopped.

Butch was just starting to calm down when her hot little hand wrapped around his length and he jumped. “Shi… what? Whatcha… what?”

“Can I touch this?”

He laughed and it sounded high to his own ears, so he cleared his throat before speaking. “You kinda already are, right?”

“No, I mean, without anything in the way.”

“Oh. Uh… yeah, okay.”

Wait, hadn’t he said they weren’t going to do third base stuff? He was pretty sure he had. But sayin’ no to that sweet face just wasn’t possible. Especially when she was all giggly and silly on wine, down to just her panties and yet still somehow looked like a perfect angel. Anyway, it was hard to stick to things like self-imposed time frames and limits when his whole world had narrowed down to nothing but her. Her eyes, her lips, her hands. They were all he could think about and all he needed. Whatever she asked, whatever she needed to be happy, he’d give it to her.

He laid back enough to wiggle his shorts off and then sat up on his elbows, watching her watching him. That little line from study hall was between her eyebrows and he chuckled as he pulled her closer to finally press a kiss against it. Just like he’d always wanted to.

“You look like you’re studyin’ for a test, angel.”

“Sorry, I’ve just never seen one like this before. You know, erect and all.”

Butch frowned, “How many have… oh, right. Exams and shit.”

“Right.”

He shrugged, “Okay. That’s okay.”

“You’re not circumcised. Most men in the vault were.”

“Yeah. Ma told me she didn’t want it done but I’m pretty sure it was more about the old doc dyin’ just before I was born, and your dad not showin’ up until after.”

“That makes sense. Daddy never liked doing it but the Overseer said we had to maintain Vault-Tec standards.”

“Pfft. Yeah. Pass on that. I don’t need anybody with a knife gettin’ anywhere near my wedding tackle.”

“Hmm.” She was gently moving his foreskin back and forth and he was pretty sure he was about to lose his mind.

“Do you, uh… that doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“What?”

“Me bein’ uncut.”

“Why would it bother me?”

“I dunno. It does some girls.” Until they tried it, anyway. In his experience, even girls who were outright squeamish about it got over it quick enough after a test drive that they always came back for more.

She shrugged, “I don’t really have a frame of reference for that, so…”

“Right, right. Of course.”

“It’s really soft.” Her hand turned to let it slide against the back of her knuckles.  _ “Really _ soft. That’s neat.”

“M’hmm.”

Fuck it was hard to just lay here all passive while she got acquainted with shit. This had been the original idea for today’s lesson and all, sure, but what was easy in theory was a pain in the ass in practice. He decided the best thing to do was just keep his eyes on the ceiling and think of literally anything else. Baseball and whatever. Focusing on what was actually happening here, the person of his dreams finally actually touching him the way he’d been fantasizing about since they were kids was just going to mess everything up. Somehow. He’d lose his cool and pounce her or something. He didn’t know exactly how it would get messed up, but he was pretty sure it would. 

“Oh,  _ neat.” _

Butch frowned to himself at the wonder in her voice and had just started to glance down when the soft, wet, flat side of her tongue slid across the top of his head. He had to squeeze his eyes shut and bite his lip to keep from crying out. His hands instinctively clutching at the sheets under him to help stave off the sudden impulse to pin her to the mattress. He breathed heavily through his nose for a moment to collect himself before calmly asking the question screaming through his brain.

“Whatcha doin’ now, angel?”

Great. Nailed it. He only  _ kind of  _ sounded like a man on the edge. Nice.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Should I have asked first?”

He guffawed and shook his head, “Nah, that’s… that’s one of those things you normally do not need to ask about. Just uh… why? Why did you do that, exactly?”

“Pre-ejaculatory fluid appeared and I wondered what it tasted like so I tried it.”

“O-oh.” Oh, was that all? Hmm. Yeah. “Uh… most people just call it precum, sweetheart.”

“Right. Right, I knew that. Precum. Kind of a silly word but okay.”

“Hmm.”

“It was saltier than I’d imagined. I mean, I knew it was an alkaline, of course, but for some reason I always assumed that would mean it was more bitter than salty, but it wasn’t bitter at all. It’s like seawater almost. Briny, you know? Weird.”

“Yeah. Weird.” What was really weird was that laying here being treated like a science experiment was fast turning into easily the hottest thing he’d ever done. She wasn’t even  _ tryin’ _ or nothin’ but he was about ready to pop his top. Jesus.

If he could ever somehow convince her to go along with playin’ doctor wearin' that little hat that he may or may not have stashed away somewhere and everything, he might have an honest to God out of body experience.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Well, it’s just… Nova had this set of prices back when she worked the rooms, right? And they never made sense to me. I mean, some did, like… I can understand why kissing would be twenty caps extra. It’s intimate, you know?”

“Yeah.” His focus was starting to slip. Listening and actually understanding the words coming out of her mouth was getting increasingly difficult. The absentminded way she was basically giving him the slowest handy anyone had ever known was killing him and he couldn’t help the little shivers that kept running up his thighs.

“Regular sex, or… you know, penis in vagina sex, I guess, was one hundred caps.”

“Okay.”

“If you wanted to actually finish inside, that was an extra fifty caps. That made sense, too.”

“Hmm.”

“But do you know what she charged for oral sex?”

“Uh… no.”

“Seventy-five caps!”

“Is that… I mean, I don’t really know whorehouse prices, baby.”

“There's no doubt in my mind that she isn’t skilled enough to charge that much, of course. That isn’t the problem. What I could never figure out was how on earth is that only twenty-five caps  _ less _ than traditional sex?”

“Hmm.”

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“Did you ever ask her?”

“No, I was too embarrassed to even let her know I knew her prices.”

“Heh, well… maybe it’s got to do with it bein’ so intimate, too?”

“Maybe.”

“Or, it could be because it kinda puts her in a vulnerable position, right? Some guys are complete assholes to girls when it comes to gettin’ head.”

“They are?”

“Yeah. They do shit like try to force themselves down their throat and come in their mouths without talkin’ about it first. Or sometimes they come all over their faces and shit.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. I never got that. I mean, from where I was standin’, I was always, y’know, excited and thankful to get that. I don’t feel like it’s somethin’ you can or should force. Plus, it’s like, a lotta work for ‘em, y’know? The guy can just stand there or whatever, but uh…” He made the mistake of meeting her eyes and felt a little pang of guilt for potentially sullying the innocence there. She was never going to have to worry about any of that kinda bullshit so there was no point in further exposing her to certain terrible, hard facts about how some men treated some girls, right? “I dunno. Her prices seem like they made sense to me though.”

“Hmm. So you like oral sex then?”

“Uh…” Goddamn, what a question. “I think most people do.”

“Oh.”

“To be honest, though, I’d really rather give than receive.” At least here. For a while anyway. Worshipping her was somethin’ that just felt right. Having her return the favor kind of felt like spitting in the face of God or something.

“Hmm.”

Alright, the thoughtful look on her face probably didn’t bode well for his future sanity. “What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“I think I’d like to see it.”

His eyebrow quirked up, “See what?”

“You know… ejaculation.”

“Oh.” He snickered a little, “You really don’t remember, huh?”

“Remember what?”

“You already saw it once.”

“I did?”

“When you were on that Calmex.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I uh… I mean, I was nowhere near you or anything, so don’t go thinkin’ anything weird or gross was goin’ on. I was just takin’ a minute for myself. _In private,_ I might add. And you uh… kinda walked in on it, I guess.”

“I _ walked in on it?! _ __It _ hit me?!” _

“Oh, God, no! Jesus. If that had happened, I’d have really thrown myself from the roof that night. Nah. You just saw it and scared the crap outta me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

She pouted, “Well if I don’t remember, then it hardly counts, does it?”

“That’s not how it works, kitten. Reality is what it is, whether you’re all there for it or not.”

The pouting only got worse, “That’s not fair.”

“Anyway, it’s messy, y’know. Always is.”

“So we’ll clean it up… or we could use a condom, right? That kinda contains the mess.”

“That's true. Hey, speakin’ of, what’s this I hear about you bein’ on some shot?”

“What?”

“I’m guessin’ it’s some fancy Brotherhood birth control thing.”

“Oh, right.” She shrugged, “I guess it is a kind of birth control, but that’s not why I take it.”

“Hmm.”

“It stops my cycle, see? No periods in the field. Makes everything easier. I was so glad when Cross told me about them.”

“I bet.”

“But they strongly encourage condom usage here. As they should. The shots aren’t really looked at as birth control.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, they totally  _ are _ but I guess officially their stance is to use condoms anyway. Which is smart.”

“Yeah, that is smart. I always used condoms.”

“You did?”

“Yup. Carried ‘em on me at all times. Had to. I caught Susie pokin’ holes in a bunch that were in my sock drawer once and that was  _ terrifying.” _

“That’s awful.”

“I know.” And he was very, very grateful that he was never going to have to worry about sneaky bullshit like that ever again. Butch tucked her hair back behind her ear, “So you really wanna see it, huh?”

“M’hmm.”

He sighed, “I can’t say no to that face. Dunno why I even try. Alright, well… this is bumpin’ us a little past third base but whatever. Fuck it.”

“Yay!”

“M’hmm. Spoiled. That’s what you are. Already spoiled rotten.”

“If I’m spoiled, isn’t it your fault?”

“I never said it wasn’t.” He wrapped his hands around her hips and eased her forward until she was right over his lap, pressing his cock against his stomach. Her panties were already drenched and her heat wrapping around him, even with that thin layer of wet cotton between them, made him groan. He ground against her and felt a shiver go through them both. “How’s that feel?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?” He rose up to kiss her and smiled against her mouth. “Lean forward a little and see if that doesn’t make it better.”

“Okay.” She had to brace herself on her hands to keep moving with him and gasped as the new angle caused more of her clit to rub against his length. “Oh, my God.”

“Better?”

She nodded, “Better.”

“Good job, sweetheart. Just keep rockin’, nice and easy.”

Oh, sure, that was easy for him to say. Probably. The more they did this, the more her brain screamed at her to let him slip inside her body. It wouldn’t even take much. Just moving her panties over two inches would do it. This felt like torture but she also kind of never wanted it to stop.

“The second we get back home, the goddamn _second,_ I’m gonna drag you upstairs to your room and we’ll do this for real.”

Abby whimpered as heat rushed between her legs and everything started to throb in time with her heart. “We will?”

“M’hmm. Just like this, except there won’t be anything between us at all.”

“I want to do that now.”

“I know, angel. I know you do.”

“Please? Can’t we? Just a little bit?”

Butch’s hand tangled into her hair and pulled her down as he whispered against her mouth, “Don’t. Don’t you dare beg for it or I won’t be able to hold myself back.”

She was about to do just that when he kissed her hard. The most she managed to get out was a soft, needy whine as his tongue slid over hers. The hand still on her hip tightened its hold as he moved faster. That insistent, aching want inside her seemed to just keep growing until she was certain she was going to die. All she could think about was how wonderful it would surely feel to have him push inside her. That was all she wanted and the fact that she wasn’t going to get it made her want to cry.

“You still wanna see it?”

Oh, right. She’d wanted that, too. Abby nodded and he let her hair go, propping himself up on an elbow so he could watch her watching him. She kept her eyes on the swollen head of his cock. There was a lot of precum now. Enough to create a small pool of it on his stomach. He’d started panting and she instinctively wiggled down harder against him. A hoarse cry escaped his throat and not even a second later, thick white ropes of come erupted, splashing across his chest. Abby stared wide-eyed as he bucked beneath her, surprised at how much of it there really was.

He’d said it was messy but she’d definitely underestimated just how messy it would be.

Butch collapsed against the mattress for a moment and chuckled once he was able to open his eyes and saw her shocked little face. He waited until he’d caught his breath to speak. “Well? Whatcha think?”

“It’s a _lot.”_

“Heh, yeah. It is.”

“It came out really fast when it happened.”

“You said that last time, too. Said it was like a rocket.”

She nodded, “It  _ is _ like a rocket.”

“M’hmm.” His shorts were somewhere around here. He finally saw them on the floor and stretched to grab them before wiping himself down.

“Some of it got on me.”

“What?” He looked up, squinting a bit in the dark, and sure enough, there were a few drops along the underside of her breasts. “Oh. Sorry about that, angel.” Butch rolled his eyes a little when she reached for his makeshift rag and pulled her closer so he could lick them off. “There. All clean.”

“Oh. T-thanks.”

“Yup.” Despite not being able to see it for himself, he knew she was bright red and chuckled. “What?”

“Nothing… um… do you think I’ll be able to feel it when it happens?”

“What?”

“You know, when it’s inside? I’m just wondering what that’ll feel like.”

He groaned and rolled them so she was mostly under him. “You gotta stop asking questions like that, kitten. You’re  _ killin’ _ me.”

“But that’s how you learn.”

“Well, you’re gonna learn soon enough by doin’, so just be patient.” He cut off her pouting with a kiss and slipped his hand between her legs. Her panties were dripping and he moaned against her mouth. “Goddamn, I love how wet you get for me.”

Abby squirmed and rubbed herself against him, “Butch, please?”

He chuckled and pulled her closer before tracing along her folds. “Don’t worry. I know it’s your turn.”

“No, I mean like…” She took his hand and slipped it into her panties. “Please?”

His fingertips were already inching further into the sodden curls but he still felt like he should ask. “You sure?”

“I was dying to have you inside me earlier. I want to know how it feels, at least a little.”

“You mean you’ve never ever even… uh, I mean, even after we…”

“I tried once but it just felt weird.”

“Oh, okay. Okay, well, that’s… alright.” The thing was though, her panties were tiny. Ridiculously dainty things he was pretty sure they'd spun outta one cotton ball each. He was kind of worried he was going to tear through them altogether if they kept on. “If I say you can take these off, can you control yourself enough to not try to jump my bones when I’m too weak and powerless to stop you?”

She giggled and nodded, “I think so.”

“Okay then.”

“I mean, _ probably. _ I can’t make any promises right now.”

He didn’t even hesitate. This was probably a very bad idea or at the very least a dangerous one and he definitely knew that, but he was in too deep to care about that right now. He gently tugged them off and ran his hand along her hip for a moment after, just reveling in the idea of them finally being completely exposed to each other.

Her restless wiggling got to him though. It always did. He ran the back of his hand along her inner thigh up to where all that delicious warmth was rolling off her. Slick dripping from her like she was melting from the inside out. His lips found hers in the dark as he gathered the silky fluid on his fingers, just barely dipping into her, before tracing soft circles around her clit. Her nails dug into his arm and the sweet way she whimpered and moved with his touch had him already growing hard again. He knew the second she realized it by the little hitch in her breathing and then he was seeing stars as her hand wrapped around him.

Butch shook his head, “No, baby. Don’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Makes it harder for me to keep my head on straight.”

She pouted and whispered, “But I want to see it again.”

_ “Abigail.” _

“Pretty please?”

“Goddamnit. I just… we just talked about this!”

“You know, technically, you  _ could _ come inside me without it being sex. Technically speaking.”

His whole fucking brain was going to short out. If it hadn’t already been doomed before, it definitely was now. “What?”

“Well… ‘cause it’s directional, right? You could just sort of set it uh… at the threshold and it would just naturally --”

“Are you tryin’ to ask me to come inside your pussy without actually bein’ in your pussy?”

“Uh… yes.”

He huffed and sucked his fingers clean just so he could wave one at her. Ignoring how sweet she tasted took the very last pitiful crumb of dogged determination he had left. He was gonna be scrapin' the bottom of the bowl from here on out. “You do know I’m just a man, right? I don’t have a lotta moral fortitude or willpower or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. I’m already so far past my limit right now that I can barely see it on the goddamn horizon!”

“Oh.”

“If we go any further than this, you’re gonna end up losin’ your virginity on these scratchy ass sheets in the middle of a freaking army base. Is that what you want?”

She pouted, “I just want you. I don’t care where it happens.”

“I want you, too, but I  _ do _ care where it happens, alright? I already had to sacrifice confessing like I wanted to.”

“You did?”

“Y… _ yes, I did! _ Do you think I really spent my whole goddamn life daydreamin’ about sayin’ those three little words to you for the first time only to have to end up doin’ it about five feet away from some asshole you’d just shanked in the world’s second creepiest vault with an audience of freaking robobrains?! Of course not!”

“Oh.”

“So can you _ please _ just  _ let me have this?! _ Please? I know you don’t care and I already agreed that dating was kinda dumb for us and whatever, but just let me have this one tiny thing. Please. I swear I will make it worth the wait.”

“It’s really important to you, isn’t it? The whole thing with the candles and flowers and stuff...”

“Yeah, it is.” He sighed, “It’s probably stupid, I know, but --”

“No. No, it’s not stupid.” Abby shook her head and smiled, “It’s not stupid. It’s lovely and sweet. I don’t know why I’m always in such a hurry when it comes to us. To be perfectly honest, I still feel a little silly from that wine and I kind of wish I could blame it all on that but I can’t. I just… once I decide I want something, I  _ want _ it, you know? And I want you. I want  _ us, _ so I want it right now… but you’re right. Some things shouldn’t be rushed. I’m sorry.”

"Thank you." Butch smiled and kissed her softly, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“And, for the record, I want you just as much as you want me. You know that, right? Maybe even more ‘cause I’ve been thinkin’ about it since uh… well, since --”

“Since April fourth 2270.”

“What?”

“That’s the first entry that specifically referenced us one day having sex. You had just turned twelve.”

“Did you memorize my journals?”

_ “This is the year! I can feel it! Today during homeroom, Abby was carrying a bunch of crap and stumbled and guess who just happened to be sitting in the perfect spot to catch her? Me! I was there!” _

“Oh, my God, you did.”

_ “Swear to God, the second her sweet ass landed on my lap, I almost came in my shorts.” _

“Please stop.”

_ “She’s so cute when she blushes, too!” _

“Abby.”

_ “Someday I’m gonna find out exactly how far down that fucking blush goes and then I’m gonna go down a little further, if you know what I mean.”  _ She snorted with laughter, “I’m assuming that last bit meant sex. If not, then you first thought about it a week later on April thirteenth. That was a Wednesday so we had P.E. that day and --”

“Alright, that’s enough outta you.” He rolled her in his arms and snuggled up behind her. “There. Now you can’t go temptin’ anybody.”

“Aw.”

He laughed and nibbled on her ear as his hand slid down her belly. The only fatal flaw with this plan was her squirming wasn’t exactly helping him focus or anything, but at least she was short enough that her ass wasn’t in direct, full contact with his cock. Small miracles. That’s what he was thankful for tonight.

In more ways than one.

* * *

Abby woke up the next morning and felt positively radiant the second her eyes opened. It probably looked like a tornado had hit her and she was a little thirsty, but overall she  _ felt _ amazing. She sighed happily and yawned, snuggling up against Butch and giggling when he immediately started nibbling lazy kisses down her face. “What time is it?”

“Uh… I dunno.” He reluctantly raised his head and turned to check her Pipboy. “Says… five minutes ‘til ten.”

She shot up and all but pole vaulted over him, “What?!”

“Guess we uh… must’ve been up a little later than we thought.”

“Oh, my God, I’m  _ so late!” _

His whole world went bright white when she flipped the light on and he groaned and covered his face with his arm. “Baby, no… come back to bed.”

“The vote is in an hour!”

“So? We could stay for another forty-five minutes at least.”

“I have to be there for moral support!”

“Ugh, okay. Okay, gimme a minute.”

“We don’t have a minute, Butch!”

He grumbled and slowly peeled his arm away. Damn fluorescent bulb was still trying to stab him right in the eye. Getting to watch the ridiculously sexy little wiggle she did to shimmy into her leather jumpsuit uniform thing almost made it worth it though. He frowned at the careless way she ran a hand through her hair and then immediately headed for the door.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You ain’t goin’ out there lookin’ like that. Jeez.”

“What?” Her hand was already on the doorknob but she paused to frown back at him. “What are you talking about?”

He tsked and dragged himself out of bed, “Can’t have people thinkin’ I’m alright with just lettin’ you run around lookin’ like some hobo.”

She sighed, “Butch, I don’t have time for --”

“You’ve got time. This’ll only take a second.”

Abby scowled and bounced in place while he gathered his hairstyling whatevers. Sarah was already going to  _ murder _ her if she ever found out how late she was. Not to mention poor Arthur. It would be his duty, along with Cross, to supervise and guard the ballot box and God only knew how seriously he was taking what was largely a ceremonial job.

She didn’t even realize Butch was stark naked until he turned around. The bouncing abruptly stopped and all she could manage to do was stare at him wide-eyed while he fussed over her hair like he wasn’t totally on display or anything. He didn’t even seem to notice how pink her cheeks were as he turned her around and separated the slightly matted curls on the back of her head. Curls that had only gotten matted due to them not being able to keep their hands off each other while under the influence of that delicious but clearly dangerous, maybe even _insidious,_ wine.

The more she started replaying the night’s events over in her mind, the warmer her face got. She put her hands over her cheeks and made a face at the heat there. The second she walked into that courtyard, everyone would no doubt know exactly what they’d been up to. How could they not? She felt so embarrassed she wanted to die and she hadn't even left the room yet.

“There. All done.” He turned her back around and grinned, “Now if you could just get that face under control, nobody’ll have to know what a naughty little angel you really were last night.”

A small squeak escaped her and she hid her face against his chest. How’d he always know what she was thinking? That didn’t seem very fair. “Mean.”

“You better scoot before somebody comes lookin’ for you.”

“Right. Right, right, right.” She took a deep breath and opened the door. “Are you going to come for the vote?”

“Hell yeah. Just gotta get dressed. Don’t wait, alright? I don’t want you gettin’ any more busted than you’re already gonna get.”

Abby smiled. He really was kind of wonderfully thoughtful when you got right down to it. “Thanks. I’ll see you out there!”

“Yup!”

She headed out and the longer she went without seeing anyone, the bigger the nervous ball in her stomach grew. She must be really,  _ really _ late if everyone was already out there. Breakfast was completely out of the question, of course, but she did manage to snag and down a can of Aqua Pura as she walked briskly down the halls. There were just a few squires here and there wandering about and she finally gave up trying to retain any dignity at all and ran for the double doors that led out into the sunny courtyard.

Sure enough, the Pride was already assembled. The  _ whole _ Pride. Even Gallows was there, perched on the edge of a picnic table like a silent gargoyle while everyone else chitchatted and pretended to not be nervous. She noticed most of those in attendance seemed to be circled around them and caught a glimpse of Sarah making the rounds. There were only a few clumps of outliers around the rest of the space. That had to be a good sign, right?

Or maybe everyone was just desperate for shade? Who knew.

She jogged up and nodded politely at Vargas. “Paladin! Hi. Hello. I’m… I’m so sorry for being tardy. I um… I must have slept through my alarm. I don’t know what happened.”

He barely raised an eyebrow at her but Kodiak grinned, “I bet _I_ know what happened.”

Dusk immediately huffed and smacked him on the arm, “We talked about this.”

“You… you talked about… what? What’s happening?”

Vargas gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder, “It’s alright, Lane. There won’t be any teasing today. Dusk pointed out that you  _ are _ the youngest Pride member and that it’s not very professional for any of us to mock our littlest sister just because you’ve finally figured out what romance is.”

“O-oh. That’s…” Why was that somehow worse? The idea that they’d all sat around and discussed it was  _ way _ worse than the light ribbing they usually engaged in. Dusk was beaming so proudly at her, too, like she really thought she was helping. Abby nodded back at her, “Uh, thanks.”

“Sisters have to stick together.”

Colvin sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, “Oh, here we go with the Sisterhood of Steel crap. Dusk, we’re the  _ Brotherhood, _ okay? Get it through your thick head already.”

“It  _ is _ technically a gender neutral term.”

“Thank you! See? Even Lane gets it!”

“Women have always been a very important part of the very foundation of the Brotherhood itself, Colvin! It’s only right that we’re recognized as such.”

Abby blocked out their arguing, as she usually did. It was impossible to see the ballot table over all the suits of power armor. Even standing on tiptoe and finally jumping didn't help. She huffed and then squawked as someone picked her up from behind.

“Here.” Gallows set her on the table next to him and went back to his brooding.

“Thanks.” From this vantage point, she could just make out the top of Cross’s head and the side of Arthur’s arm. “Has anyone voted yet?”

Kodiak shook his head, “Cross said it’s customary to wait until the candidates cast their ballots first.”

“Candidates? So someone _is_ running against Sarah?!”

“Not willingly, but yeah.” He nodded to Vargas who was now having to stand between Dusk and Colvin to make sure violence didn’t erupt. “He was nominated by some of the guys who were apparently on the fence when the Outcasts left.”

“He can’t just decline the nomination?”

“Nope.”

“Did they say why they nominated him?”

He shrugged, “He’s young but older than Sarah, well-respected, blah blah blah.”

She folded her arms and scowled, “Well, I can’t argue that but still.”

“Yeah.” He nudged her hip with his elbow. “So… where’s that man of yours?”

“Butch wakes up slow.”

An amused snort left him as he grinned, “I bet.”

Abby rolled her eyes and hopped back down, “I’m going to go see how Arthur is doing.”

“‘Kay.”

Walking through the courtyard, weaving through the crowd, felt a little deja vu-ish. Back when she first arrived here, nobody so much as glanced at her in passing. If they did, it was usually to give her a glare for having Charon in her shadow. Then they’d taken down the Enclave, Sarah had formally made her a member of the Pride and now, usually, wherever she walked, people scattered ahead of her like dead leaves in the wind. Desperate to get out of her way and weirdly deferential and cautious around her like she was a bomb about to go off.

It had kind of annoyed her, to be honest. She’d never wanted to be the type of person who showed up and scared everyone to death. True, she did have something of a temper and when she got mad enough, things had an odd way of exploding all around her. But! Most of the time, she felt she was a fairly even keeled kind of person. She knew Kodiak had spread more than one rumor about her being some legendary whirlwind of death and goodness knew Glade couldn’t resist spinning stories, but you’d think people would use their eyes and ears and come to their own conclusions about her.

Today though, with the excitement over the vote, no one noticed her at all as she slipped through the crowd. Occasionally a hushed apology followed in her wake but most were so focused on gossiping and politicking that they completely missed her as she went by. Felt kinda nice to be anonymous again. Kinda _real_ nice, actually.

She hoped this is how life in California would feel.

Arthur spotted her and noticeably brightened, sitting up a bit straighter in his chair as she approached. “Knight… uh, Abby!”

“Hello, Arthur. Cross.”

“About time you got here, Lane. It’s not like you to be tardy.”

She ducked her head and nodded, “Yes, ma’am. Sorry. I slept through my alarm.”

“Hmm.”

“Where’s Butch?”

“He’s getting ready. It takes him a while to really wake up all the way.”

“Oh, okay. Are you excited to vote?”

She smiled, “I’m always excited to vote.”

He grinned back and quoted their favorite robot, _“Democracy.... is non-negotiable!”_

_“Embrace democracy or you will be eradicated!”_ The voice was kind of hard to do but she thought she did it justice.

Cross sighed, “Children, that’s enough. The death of an elder is not a time to make jokes.”

Arthur immediately schooled his face and nodded, “Understood. Apologies, Star Paladin.”

Abby nodded contritely and waited until she turned away to speak with someone else before whispering, _“Death is a preferable alternative to Communism.”_

His noble countenance immediately fell apart as giggling overtook him and he clapped both hands over his mouth. Abby laughed at the way his eyes sparkled as he snorted and tried to compose himself. She set her elbows on the table and leaned towards him until their noses almost touched.

_ “We will not fear the Red Menace.” _

The smile on his face when he lowered his hands was worth however many pushups Cross was no doubt going to hit her with after all this was over. _“The last domino falls here.”_

She laughed and kissed his forehead, “How are you doing today, kiddo?”

“Oh, I’m… I’m fine. We all have a duty to keep --”

“I’m asking Arthur, not Squire Maxson.”

He stared at her for a moment before finally sighing, “Not so hot.”

“That’s okay. I’m not really doing so hot either.”

“You aren’t?”

“Nope. I don’t think anybody is, really.” She tilted her head towards Cross and lowered her voice a bit more. “She’s sad, too, you know. Don’t let her fool you into thinking she isn’t. She’s augmented, sure, but they didn’t replace her heart. Cross has followed Elder Lyons her whole life. You might not see it, because it’s really hard to tell even for me, but she’s very, very sad today… and if it’s okay for her to be sad, it’s definitely okay for you, too, right?”

“Right.”

“If this gets to be too much for you, you can tell her. She’ll understand.”

He shook his head, “I’m okay. I want to be here for everyone.”

“I know you do. Just remember, you aren’t an elder yet, okay? Don’t take on the burden of one until you absolutely have to.”

“Okay.” His head tilted a little as he looked past her, “Your guy’s here.”

“Oh.” Abby stood and an exasperated sort of laugh left her as she watched Butch charm everyone within a fifty foot radius with some silly story. “I better go wrangle that situation before it gets out of hand.”

“I like him. He’s funny.”

“He is.”

“Are most wastelanders like him?”

“Unfortunately, no, not in my experience.” She rubbed the fuzzy stubble of his buzzcut, “I’ll see you later, Arthur.”

“Bye, Abby!”

She slipped back into the throng and managed to squeeze through just as Butch’s story was wrapping up.

“-- and she looks up at me and says…” He froze and turned to grin at her, “Ah ha! There she is!”

She narrowed her eyes at the suspicious way everyone seemed to scatter at her arrival, “What’s going on here?”

“Nothin’, just makin’ more work for Glade. Asshole deserves it.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He slung an arm around her shoulders and tucked her up against him. “So? What’s the word?”

“Some men nominated Vargas to run against Sarah.”

“What?!”   


“He didn’t have any choice but to accept so I guess we’ll see.”

“Oh, hell no. We gotta do somethin’.”

“We can’t do anything. The Codex is very clear that the voting process is to stay as pure and unsullied as possible. We aren’t even supposed to share who we actually vote for. It’s a secret ballot.”

“Pssh. Stupid Codex.”

“Hmm.”

He slipped on a pair of sunglasses and grinned, “Bet it don’t say nothin’ about wastelanders stumpin’ for a candidate.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. Don’t you dare!”

“I’mma uh… catch up with a few of the guys.”

“Butch, I’m serious! You can’t get --”

He cut her off with a kiss and grinned against her mouth at her indignant huff when he squeezed her ass. “Bye!”   


“Butch!” She hissed his name but quickly lost him in the crowd. Her grumbling and the way aggravation poured off her was enough to have those in closest proximity backing away until she found herself in the center of a tiny containment area. Abby finally stamped her foot in frustration and stomped back over to the Pride, flopping onto the table and irritably huffing to herself until Gallows sat a hand on her head.

A resigned sigh left her as his permanent aura of unflappability eventually permeated her aggravation. She felt a little deflated but at least she'd come down a few steps from homicidal. “Thanks.”

“M’hmm.”

Kodiak sat on the bench nearest her and leaned back with his elbows on the table, “Trouble in paradise, Lane?”

“More like chaos.”

“DeLoria up to somethin’?”

“He said he’s going to stump for Sarah.”

An amused chuckle rumbled out of him, “Did he now?”

At least he wouldn’t have a lot of time to make an ass out of himself. Not that he’d ever needed a lot of time to do a thing like that. Abby winced as little outbursts of laughter gave her a general idea as to his location. He was moving in a counterclockwise pattern. Hitting every group and no doubt causing what Cross would rightly call a ruckus along the way.

Sarah was absolutely,  _ positively _ going to kill her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost went with this quote from Larry Bird for the title because it's too funny with this particular chapter's context: "A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals."
> 
> Butch is a winner. 👍
> 
> Actual title is a quote from Abraham Lincoln. ❤


End file.
